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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(jazzy solo)
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(tires screech)
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(chimes)
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(honking horn)
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(tires screeching)
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D'oh.
(screams)
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(Homer screams)
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{\an8}Now, remember,
we have to leave nature
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{\an8}just the way we found it.
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{\an8}Everything we pack in, we pack out.
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{\an8}What if I have to do my business?
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{\an8}Use this plastic bag.
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{\an8}Oh, how come bears
can crap in the woods
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{\an8}and I can't?
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{\an8}(grunts)
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{\an8}Ah, we're so lucky to have
this untouched piece of paradise
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{\an8}so close to Springfield.
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{\an8}-(buzzing)
-(gasps) Bees!
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{\an8}They sound angry and Africanized.
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{\an8}OK, nobody panic.
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{\an8}There's plenty of spray for me.
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{\an8}-(tires squealing)
-That doesn't sound like bees.
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{\an8}Oh, my god!
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{\an8}It's a racetrack.
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{\an8}(gasps)
The bird sanctuary.
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{\an8}They ruined it.
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{\an8}HOMER: No, they didn't.
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{\an8}They just surrounded it
with something wonderful.
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{\an8}Like a raisin covered in chocolate.
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{\an8}Or a monkey in a cowboy suit.
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{\an8}-HOMER: Hmm.
-LISA: Whoa!
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{\an8}-HOMER: Hmm.
-LISA: Whoa!
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{\an8}See?
Animals can get used to anything.
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{\an8}(grunting)
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{\an8}(squawks)
Start your engines!
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{\an8}Show us your boobs.
Show us your boobs.
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{\an8}Oh, you better do
what he says, Marge.
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BART: Cool!
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{\an8}Way to adapt, little guy.
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Why do jerks think everyone wants
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to see their stupid name?
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(screams)
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(grunts)
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Sorry to break up your picnic, folks.
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I'm two-time
fast car champ Clay Babcock.
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You're on fire!
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Yeah, I have won a lot of races,
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but it's all thanks to my crew, really.
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Eh! Ah! Hoo! There it is.
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Mr. Babcock, can I take a ride
in you car?
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Well, my "A" car was just incinerated,
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but, uh, you could ride in my "B" car.
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{\an8}I don't see why not.
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Bart, these are the time trials
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that determine the pole position.
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Shouldn't you be keeping
your hands on the wheel?
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Oh, sure, if you want to drive
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the traditional way.
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-Whoa!
-Sorry.
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Boy, these cars are surprisingly roomy.
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Yeah, we like to bring
our families along
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on the longer races.
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If I get tired, I let my wife drive.
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She's good.
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Get your feet off the upholstery.
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(tires screeching)
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Folks, I got some spare tickets
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if you'd like
to stick around for the race.
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{\an8}That's very sweet,
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{\an8}but we have a full day
of hiking planned.
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We can hike anytime.
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This is our chance to see cars driving.
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-LISA: Oh.
-HOMER: Hmm.
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Hi-diddly-ho,
pedal-to-the-metal-o-philes.
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Flanders? Since when do you like
anything cool?
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Well, I don't care for the speed,
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but I can't get enough
of that safety gear.
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Helmets, roll bars, caution flags.
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I like the fresh air
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and looking at
the poor people in the infield.
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(cheering)
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Dang, Cletus!
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Why did you have to park
by my parents?
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Now, honey, they's my parents, too.
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ANNOUNCER: Gentlemen,
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start your engines!
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(engines start)
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Daddy, can we move closer?
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Abso-not-ly, hot-roddy.
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We're up here out of range
of the crashes
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and the drivers cussing.
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-Move your damn butt!
-Bite me!
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(all gasping)
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(disappointed groaning)
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(all gasping)
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(disappointed groaning)
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Come on! Somebody crash!
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Be patient, son.
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A watched car never crashes.
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-(crash)
-Oh, I missed one!
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MAN: Let's go! Let's go!
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The dice! The dice! The dice!
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Eight seconds. Great job, boys.
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Let's go! New tires! Come on! Come on!
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We're going as fast as we can.
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Hey, who are you?
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{\an8}Oh, how rude of me.
My name is...
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My bad.
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ANNOUNCER: And now,
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here's something for the guys.
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Finally.
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ANNOUNCER: Let's hear it
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for Fan-demonium!
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Hey, racing fans,
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who wants a free t-shirt?
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-(all yelling)
-Me, me.
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(speaking in Spanish)
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I do, I do.
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Wait. No, I don't.
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Hmm. A Ford
urinating on a Chevrolet.
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Don't you usually laugh at everything?
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Yes. Yes, I do.
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Come on! Right here!
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-Ow!
-(all gasping)
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I'm OK, folks.
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(disappointed groaning)
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I need a shirt!
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Give me a shirt!
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Mommy has bosoms like that.
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Yeah, I wish.
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Neddy, I've had about all I can take
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of Homer Simpson's torso.
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I'll get some hot dogs.
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No foot-longs.
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I know.
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-They make you uncomfortable.
-(Homer humming)
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Well, I guess no one else
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wants a t-shirt.
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That's a damn lie and you know it!
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Give me a shirt!
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You heard him, girls.
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Hey, t-shirt, t-shirt, t-shirt!
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Fire!
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Ooh! A bobby pin.
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(screaming)
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(gasping) Maude?
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(speaking indistinctly)
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Oh, my lord! She's dead.
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(gasps) Ah...
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It's hard to believe
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we're never going
to see Maude again.
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And poor Ned didn't get a chance
to say good-bye.
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Well, from now on, I'm never going
to let you leave the room
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without telling you
how much I love you
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and how truly special--
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This is really eating up a lot time.
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Maybe just a pat on the butt.
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Yeah, that works.
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Now, Homie, you know
Ned and the boys need us
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and you know what that means.
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I know.
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No more being a jerk.
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That's right.
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(sniffs)
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In many ways, Maude Flanders
was a supporting player
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in our lives.
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She didn't grab our attention
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with memorable catch phrases,
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or comical accents.
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-Aye.
-Arrgh.
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(speaking gibberish)
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But whether
you noticed her or not,
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Maude was always there.
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And we thought she always would be.
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My friends, life is about change.
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Just yesterday,
Apu was a lonely bachelor.
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(babies crying)
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Yes, thank God, those days are over.
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And the Van Houtens were enjoying
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a storybook marriage.
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Yeah. Lots of storybooks
have witches.
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-Shut up, Kirk.
-Sorry.
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And now the good people
at Fan-demonium,
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00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,019
as part of a generous settlement
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will fire a 21 t-shirt salute.
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(trigger cocking and gunshot)
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{\an8}(piper piping)
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{\an8}(trigger cocking and gunshot)
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{\an8}(trigger cocking and gunshot)
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{\an8}Finally!
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Ned, my friend, please know
that the Kwik-E-Mart
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is there for you 24 hours a day.
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Oh, thank you, Apu.
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And I'm going to give you
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00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,176
all of Maude's
frequent-squishee points.
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The boys at headquarters
will not like it,
202
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,098
but I'm getting pretty sick
of them and their Bombay attitude.
203
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Yeah, that's enough there, 'pu.
204
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Look, Ned, I know
we ain't hung out much,
205
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uh, what with your insane fear
of drinking,
206
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,313
and me being banned
from the church and all,
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00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,233
but, uh, but that Maude,
she was really something.
208
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,902
Oh, wasn't she? Thank you, Moe.
I appreciate that.
209
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,028
No, I really mean it, though.
210
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,530
I mean, if it was you that died,
211
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:34,198
I would have been on her so fast.
212
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:35,241
What are you saying?
213
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,701
What? Nothing. She was hot!
214
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,035
What, you can't take a compliment?
215
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,162
You said "hot." You monster!
216
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,247
(grunts)
217
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,915
That's good. Now, let it out.
218
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,041
That's it. Let it out.
219
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,042
Send me to Maude.
220
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,335
That's it! Ah.
221
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,254
Oh, here I come, baby! Oh, yeah!
222
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:51,591
(Bart chuckles) Mmm.
223
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,302
Bart? Honey, I think you should go play
224
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:55,720
with Rod and Todd.
225
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,933
Aw, man, why does everything bad
have to happen to me?
226
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,269
When I'm feeling low,
227
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:05,062
you know what always cheers me up?
228
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,814
Is it love?
229
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:07,940
Kindness?
230
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,692
Ooh, tough room.
231
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,902
Video games! What do you got?
232
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,071
"Billy Graham's Bible Blaster"?
233
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:17,617
Keep firing! Convert the heathens!
234
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,243
(video game music plays)
235
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,706
-Got him.
-No, you just winged him
236
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,249
and made him a Unitarian.
237
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:28,169
Look out, Bart! The gentle Baha'i!
238
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,006
-(fanfare music plays)
-All right! Full conversion.
239
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,799
Thanks, guys.
This really cheered me up.
240
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(male computerized voice)
Second coming. Reload, reload.
241
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,720
Can we play now?
242
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You are playing. We're a team.
243
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-Yay!
-Yay!
244
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:47,438
Now, if there's anything,
anything at all
245
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I can do to help out.
246
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,024
Quit hogging Flanders.
247
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,275
I want to comfort him.
248
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,319
(laughs)
That's nice of you, Homer,
249
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,863
but... (sniffling) I think
I'll just go to bed.
250
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Then I insist on walking you home.
251
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Homer, this really isn't necessary.
252
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,495
Those feelings are normal, Ned.
253
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,163
They're part of the process.
254
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:05,247
Watch the sprinkler.
255
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,166
Hey, that's my sprinkler.
256
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:09,085
It's natural to feel that way,
257
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,711
but the sprinkler is gone.
258
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:11,879
It's time to let go.
259
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,631
I just bought that.
260
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,132
I know, I know.
261
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,676
It's never easy.
262
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,011
Do you want anything else?
Water? Chili fries?
263
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,096
How about some white noise?
264
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,056
-(imitating white noise)
-Oh, Homer...
265
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,516
(yawning)
...you don't have to...
266
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,726
(snoring)
267
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:29,522
Sleep tight, Neddie.
268
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:30,648
(groans)
269
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,401
(door closes)
270
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,863
(rock clanging)
271
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,865
-Ah... What the...
-(rock clanging)
272
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:44,620
{\an8}Oh, you want a rock fight, eh?
(chuckles)
273
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,872
No, Homer! I just need to talk.
274
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,541
OK, be right down.
275
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:51,711
(laughs)
276
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,089
I just keep replaying
the whole thing in my head.
277
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,967
I can't believe
my last words to Maude
278
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,010
were "no foot-longs."
279
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,054
Yep, it would have been a lot better
280
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,432
if you'd said "I love you"
or "you're special".
281
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,851
You know, something sweet
instead of that hot dog crap.
282
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,936
If I'd only been a gentleman
283
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,105
and got the hot dogs myself,
284
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,982
she'd still be here.
285
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,151
Now, now, now,
don't beat yourself up.
286
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,319
I'm the one
who drove her out of her seat.
287
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,406
I'm the one who provoked
the lethal barrage of t-shirts.
288
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,408
I'm the one who parked
in the ambulance zone
289
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,660
preventing any possible resuscitation.
290
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,872
Ah, but, uh, there's no point
in playing the blame game.
291
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,123
Eh, you're right.
292
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,751
I just got to work
through the grief. (sighs)
293
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,961
There's not going to be
an easy answer.
294
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,921
Easy answer, eh?
295
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,136
Oh, yeah, that's it, baby.
296
00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:43,262
{\an8}That's the money shot.
297
00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,805
{\an8}Yeah, the camera loves you.
298
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:47,308
{\an8}Oh-ho-ho, you tease, you.
(chuckles)
299
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,351
Why are you taping Flanders, Dad?
300
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,686
You'll see.
301
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,605
Do you even have a job anymore?
302
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,357
I think it's pretty obvious that I don't.
303
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,861
{\an8}OK, I finished
the gardening sequence.
304
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,321
OK, from here, we star-wipe
305
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:01,989
to a glamor shot of Flanders
306
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:03,824
-paying his bills...
-(speaking indistinctly)
307
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,368
...then we star-wipe to Flanders
brushing his...
308
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,830
Dad, there are other wipes
beside star-wipes.
309
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:12,291
Why eat hamburger
when you can have steak?
310
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,251
I'm taking my name off this thing.
311
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,545
So, how you doing, Ned?
312
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,339
Oh, it's been
a hard couple of months,
313
00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:20,132
but I feel like I've turned a corner.
314
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,884
Well, that's all going to change,
315
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,386
-thanks to this tape.
-Tape?
316
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,846
Now, the audio needs
some tweaking
317
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,723
and there's some footage
of Maggie being born
318
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,808
that I couldn't get rid of...
319
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:29,934
Anyway, enjoy.
320
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:33,103
HOMER: Single women of Springfield,
321
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,564
your prayers
have been flan-swered...
322
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,818
Ned Flan-swered, that is.
323
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,320
-Is this a dating video?
-Shush.
324
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:42,363
HOMER: What would you say
about a man
325
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:45,491
who owns his own house
and his own car?
326
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,701
That's Ned Flanders...
327
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,497
a man who's not afraid to cry.
328
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,581
-Hey, Ned!
-(sobbing)
329
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,459
So that's why you maced me.
330
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,961
(chuckles)
Yeah.
331
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:59,004
Ned does everything with class.
332
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,090
Whether he's punching in
his ATM code...
333
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,511
or keeping clean in the shower.
334
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:06,554
Homer!
335
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,305
HOMER: But don't take
my word for it.
336
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,391
Listen to this testimonial.
337
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,892
{\an8}Oh, I would date Ned in a second
338
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,811
{\an8}if I was a woman, or gay.
339
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:15,604
{\an8}He looks like a cuddler, that Ned.
340
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,814
I--I like that.
341
00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:19,358
I like to be held,
I like to be pampered...
342
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:20,693
-(bell ringing)
-(gunshot)
343
00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:21,610
(tires screeching)
344
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,321
HOMER: So if you're tired
of dating the same old losers...
345
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,239
What are you doing, Homer?
346
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:26,490
HOMER: Step up to the best.
347
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,994
Ned Flanders,
the man with the chest.
348
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:30,953
(instrumental music plays)
349
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,204
(panting ferociously)
350
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,415
(grunting loudly)
351
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:35,666
Eww...
352
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,168
Now, we'll just send this
to the dating service,
353
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,671
the chicks'll fall for you, and bam!
354
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,381
The healing begins.
355
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,510
Homer, you obviously went
to a lot of trouble, but dating?
356
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,721
It just feels way too soon.
357
00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:51,265
Oh-ho-ho, that's great!
358
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,475
Chicks really dig sensitivity.
359
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,435
Did you get that, Bart?
360
00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:57,062
-Got it.
-Beautiful. And star-wipe
361
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,856
and we're out.
362
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,816
Hmm...
363
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,778
Well, with triple word score, that's 90.
364
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:08,782
(laughs) I guess my luck
is starting to even out.
365
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,577
Ah, I'm just a Q without a U.
366
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,536
Mm.
367
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,093
(chuckling)
368
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,054
(chuckling continues)
369
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:31,513
Hello?
370
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:32,848
Mailman?
371
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,230
These are the women
who saw your videotape
372
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,273
and are interested.
373
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,442
And feel free to root around
In the one-nighter bin.
374
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,861
The bin is spoken for.
375
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,529
Are you going to call all those women?
376
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,282
No, the tapes will do just fine,
thank you.
377
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,742
Homer, I'm having second thoughts.
378
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:54,119
This feels so disloyal to Maude.
379
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,704
Oh, wake up, Ned.
380
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,539
You think Maude
isn't dating in heaven?
381
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,457
You think she would?
382
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,625
How could she not.
383
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,961
The place is full of eligible bachelors.
384
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:05,798
John Wayne, Tupac Shakur,
Sherlock Holmes...
385
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:08,050
(chuckles) Sherlock Holmes
was just a character.
386
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,343
He sure is.
387
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:10,761
(sexy growl)
388
00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,262
FLANDERS: OK, here goes nothing.
389
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,222
(inserts videotape)
390
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:14,640
WOMAN: If you select me,
391
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,600
you'll get a lot more
than a Wharton MBA
392
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,227
pulling in 200K.
393
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,813
You'll get a woman
who's poised, articulate,
394
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,398
sophisticated, confident,
395
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,816
and highly sexual.
396
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,025
Hang on, I'm getting a fax.
397
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,445
Damn, I've just been indicted.
398
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,114
Looks like we're going to have
to reschedule.
399
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,657
-How's your July?
-Well, I--
400
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,492
Mine's terrible. Let's talk in August.
401
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,119
(sighs)
402
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:37,746
Mmm...
403
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,666
Dinner was delicious, Edna.
404
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,418
But I can't shake the feeling
405
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,669
that you're just using me
406
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,462
to get Principal Skinner jealous.
407
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,006
Oh, please.
408
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:50,843
I don't care what
Mr. Engaged-to-be-engaged thinks.
409
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:51,760
Hear that, Seymour?
410
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,178
SKINNER (over phone):
Edna, this is childish.
411
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,221
Fine, then hang up.
412
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,181
SKINNER (over phone):
I will hang up when he leaves.
413
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:57,391
(sighs)
414
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,145
Well, Diane,
I've sure enjoyed chatting with you
415
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,730
about your problems
with your mother.
416
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,982
Did you hear that, Foofie?
417
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,859
Sounds like somebody loves us.
418
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,444
-(chuckles)
-DIANE: Yes, he does.
419
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,572
Yeah, well, maybe
I'll call you again sometime.
420
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:15,159
Ooh, Foofie doesn't like
the sound of that "maybe"
421
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,578
'cause him's a commitment dog.
422
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:18,912
Isn't him?
423
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,749
(panicks)
424
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,379
{\an8}So how'd you do tonight, Romeo?
425
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:30,424
Well, I just can't relate
to the women of today, Homer.
426
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,800
Ah, it's probably me.
427
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,053
I'm about as exciting
as a baked potato.
428
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:36,055
You're darn right you are.
429
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,557
And you've got lots
of other great qualities, too.
430
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,808
That's right, Ned.
431
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,978
Those floozies we married
in Vegas were crazy about you.
432
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,980
What floozies?
What are you talking...
433
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,399
Marge, we're trying to help Ned.
434
00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,027
Lord, I never question you,
435
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:50,944
but I've been wondering
436
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,280
if your decision to take Maude was...
437
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:55,199
well, wrong.
438
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,410
Unless this is part of your divine plan.
439
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,121
Oh... could you just give me
some kind of sign?
440
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:03,624
Anything?
441
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:08,212
Oh, and after all that
church chocolate I bought,
442
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,048
which by the way, was gritty
443
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,634
and had that white stuff on it.
(sniffles)
444
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:14,551
Well, I've had it.
445
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,353
Daddy, get up.
You'll be late for church.
446
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,063
Well, you boys can go
with the Simpsons.
447
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,439
I'm not going to church today.
448
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,066
-(both gasping)
-That's right.
449
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,151
And I may not go
to church tomorrow.
450
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,737
(both screaming)
451
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,364
No, I'm not kidding.
452
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,699
I am going to sit right here
and miss church.
453
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,160
You just watch.
454
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,580
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry...
455
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,961
While our organist
is on a much-needed vacation,
456
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:50,546
we thought we'd try something new.
457
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,840
So get down
and put your knees together
458
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:56,969
for the Christian Rock Stylings
of... Kovenant.
459
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,100
Hey, isn't that
the bass player from Satanica?
460
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:04,810
I think it is.
461
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,104
(tires screech)
462
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,608
(gasps)
Electric guitars in church?
463
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,609
Oh, my gosh.
464
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,903
Some dropouts must have
overpowered the reverend.
465
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:21,243
This is a love song about a dude
I met in a sleazy motel.
466
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,745
-(gasps)
-A dude named God.
467
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,247
Ohh...
468
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,376
♪ In a motel room in Delacroix ♪
469
00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:31,753
♪ I was drinkin'
like a Dartmouth boy ♪
470
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,006
♪ And thinkin' 'bout
the wrong turns ♪
471
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:34,965
♪ That I took ♪
472
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:35,924
(snoring)
473
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:39,094
♪ Well, I woke up
on the puke-green floor ♪
474
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,388
♪ And opened up
a dresser drawer ♪
475
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:45,684
♪ A-lookin' for a bottle,
but instead I found a book ♪
476
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:47,561
She's talking about the Bible.
477
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:48,729
So? She's good-looking.
478
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,022
-Shut up.
-You shut up.
479
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,442
♪ A book about a man ♪
480
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,570
♪ A book about the dude
who lives above ♪
481
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,322
♪ A book about a man ♪
482
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:03,410
♪ Who drives a pickup
full of sweet, sweet love ♪
483
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,787
(humming)
484
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,208
♪ Now if you think
he doesn't care ♪
485
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,543
♪ Or maybe that he isn't there ♪
486
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,922
♪ It's not too late to see
how wrong you are ♪
487
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,759
♪ So when your soul
has gone astray ♪
488
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:21,053
♪ Just let God be your triple-a ♪
489
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:23,263
♪ He'll tow you to salvation ♪
490
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,058
♪ And he'll overhaul your heart ♪
491
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:32,272
Glad you made it, Ned.
492
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:33,982
I knew he would.
493
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,778
(grunting)
494
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,696
I'll be right back, boys.
495
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,031
I'm going to go help that lady.
496
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,158
Homer, you help, too.
497
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,744
I toileth not on ye sabbath, woman.
498
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:47,788
-A pox on thee.
-Hmm.
499
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,583
{\an8}(grunting)
500
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,254
Ah, that was a lovely song.
(chuckles)
501
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,089
It really got to me.
502
00:20:57,172 --> 00:20:58,966
Been through
some rough times yourself?
503
00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,009
I... I recently lost my wife.
504
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,595
(gasps)
I'm real sorry to hear that.
505
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,097
We just lost our drummer.
506
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,224
{\an8}To a Pentecostal ska band.
507
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:08,892
{\an8}Uh, I mean I know
it's not the same but...
508
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,143
No, I hear what you're saying.
509
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:12,062
It's always hard to replace someone.
510
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,272
Yeah.
511
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:14,856
My name's Rachel Jordan.
512
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,859
If you feel like talking,
maybe we could grab a coffee.
513
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,612
Well, that... that sounds
real nice, Rachel, but, uh...
514
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,948
I'm (clears throat)
I'm not quite...
515
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,366
{\an8}I understand.
516
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:26,743
{\an8}Listen, we're heading out on tour
517
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{\an8}with the Monsters of Christian Rock.
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Maybe when we get back,
you and I could get together.
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(chuckles) Maybe we can.
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My name is Ned Flanders
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And I'm here every week.
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Rain or shine.
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♪ it's a show about Ned ♪
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♪ About him losin' his sweet wife ♪
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♪ She landed on her head ♪
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♪ But now it's time to get on ♪
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♪ With his life ♪
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(theme music playing)
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Shh!
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Captioned by Visual Data Media Services