1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,919 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,506 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,853 (bell ringing) 4 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,191 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,781 (beeping) 6 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,789 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,893 (honking horn) 8 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,066 D'oh! (screams) 9 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,859 (tires screeching) 10 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,627 {\an8}(alarm clock buzzing) 11 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:28,797 {\an8}Snooze. Need more snooze. 12 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,132 {\an8}(mumbling) 13 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,400 {\an8}(yawning) Mmm... 14 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:50,985 {\an8}-(alarm buzzing) -Ahhh! 15 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:54,114 {\an8}Num-num, Maggie. Num-num. 16 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,782 {\an8}Did somebody say "num-num"? 17 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,119 {\an8}(groans) I can't get Maggie to eat. 18 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,245 {\an8}Maybe if you try... 19 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:03,456 {\an8}Oh, I'm 26 hours late for work. No time for Maggie. 20 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,793 {\an8}Ooh, Where's Waldo! No. No. 21 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,962 {\an8}This would be a lot easier without all these people. 22 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,756 {\an8}Nope. Nope. (gasps) It's there! Oh. Nope. 23 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,634 {\an8}-Homer! -Waldo, where are you? 24 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,637 {\an8}(Homer moans) 25 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,684 {\an8}DEEJAY: And it is a nightmare out there on the freeways today 26 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:23,893 {\an8}with surface streets jammed 27 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,437 {\an8}and the sidewalks filled with pushy New Yorkers. 28 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:31,401 {\an8}Hey! How'd you like a Details magazine up the wazoo? 29 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,319 {\an8}(frustrated groan) 30 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,242 {\an8}(siren wailing) 31 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,035 HOMER: Oh, sure, single me out. 32 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,539 {\an8}All right, smart guy, where's the fire? 33 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:45,623 Over there. 34 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,125 {\an8}(fire alarm ringing) 35 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,880 {\an8}OK, you just bought yourself a 3-17, 36 00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,090 {\an8}pointing out police stupidity. 37 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,675 {\an8}Or is that a 3-14? 38 00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:58,678 {\an8}Nah, nah, 3-14 is a dog, uh, in... 39 00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,347 {\an8}No, or is that a 3-15? You're in trouble, pal. 40 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,307 (crow caws) 41 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:05,727 (panting and chuckles) 42 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,812 {\an8}I'd hate to see the look on old Burnsie's face 43 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,981 {\an8}If he knew I was just getting in. (chuckling) 44 00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:11,649 (clearing throat) 45 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,487 Hmm... who is that? 46 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,615 Big, ugly nose, 47 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:22,952 bald, liver spot, liver spot. Hmm... 48 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,830 (clearing throat) 49 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,668 {\an8}-(cash register ringing) -Turn around, Simpson. 50 00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,587 (screams) No! I can't get in trouble 51 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:33,671 If I can't see you. 52 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,006 I'm afraid he's got us, sir. 53 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,634 (screams) 54 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,261 (crying hysterically) 55 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,388 {\an8}(panting and sighs) 56 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,973 {\an8}Safe in the core, and now... 57 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,643 {\an8}(gagging) 58 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,936 Don't forget the leg protectors, sir. 59 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,020 Ah, yes. 60 00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:52,857 {\an8}(gagging) Ow! (yelps) Ow! 61 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,026 I knew I had those installed for a reason. 62 00:03:55,109 --> 00:04:00,365 {\an8}-(grunting) -(yelling and gagging) 63 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,746 Aw, this is the worst day ever. 64 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,331 Hey, Homer, what gives? 65 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,584 Mr. Burns is making me eat all these drums of toxic waste. 66 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,127 Geez, that's rough. 67 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,296 There must be 200, 300 gallons in here. 68 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,007 Yeah, and even a teaspoon could cause a fatal tumor. 69 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,593 Hey, you want to come bowling with us tonight? 70 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,719 OK. 71 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:26,057 (phone ringing) 72 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,267 Hello? 73 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,851 Homer? Where are you? 74 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,396 You promised you were going to have a tea party with Maggie. 75 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,067 HOMER: Oh, Marge, I'm sorry. I can't make it. 76 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,443 A cooling tank just blew 77 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,445 and they're taking Lenny to the hospital. 78 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,531 Oh, no, not Lenny! 79 00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,574 Not Lenny! 80 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,702 Yeah, so I'm going to have to work late 81 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,120 instead of seeing you and the kids, 82 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,454 which is what I really want. 83 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,540 OK. Sure. 84 00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,251 Kids, turn off the TV. 85 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:56,713 I have some bad news about Lenny. 86 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,506 BOTH: Not Lenny! 87 00:04:58,965 --> 00:04:59,966 (laughing) 88 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:02,885 Hey, Carl, check out the overhead scoreboard. 89 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,179 (both laughing) 90 00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,848 "Poo." Uh, Homer, 91 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,558 what wacky name do you want? 92 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,059 Are "poo" and "ass" taken? 93 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,269 -Yeah. -Damn! 94 00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,313 Could my life get any worse? 95 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,481 Simpson! Ugh! 96 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,567 Even for a bowler, you're fat! 97 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,860 Hey, guys, is it normal 98 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,778 to see Burns's face on a bowling ball? 99 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,196 Uh, actually, I'd say you're having 100 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,614 a severe psychotic episode. 101 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:26,159 Aw, what a rotten day! 102 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,453 (grunts) 103 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,914 Wow, a strike. 104 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,126 Hey, if that's psychotic, then why am I taking these? 105 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:42,050 (groans) You're polishing bone! 106 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,765 Hey, Homer, that's four strikes in a row. 107 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,391 You've got a perfect game going! 108 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,393 -Really? -Careful what you say, Lenny. 109 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,896 -You'll jinx it. -Oh, right. Sorry. 110 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,149 LENNY: Miss! Miss! 111 00:05:58,232 --> 00:05:59,776 Sorry, I was calling the waitress. 112 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,653 Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke. 113 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,155 -Lenny... -What? 114 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,948 I paid $7.10 for this split. 115 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,534 Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad? 116 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,079 Hey, spare me your gutter mouth. 117 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:13,081 (groans) Ow! 118 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,009 Practice ball, practice ball. 119 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,345 Real, real, real, real, real! 120 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,514 Whoo-hoo! 121 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,351 Kids, today we have to talk about 122 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,270 Krusty brand Chew Goo gum-like substance. 123 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,147 We knew it contained spider eggs, 124 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,690 but the hantavirus, 125 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,485 well, that really came out of left field. 126 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,238 So, if any of you have experienced 127 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,241 numbness or comas, send proof of purchase 128 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:52,078 {\an8}and five dollars to "Antidote, P.O. Box 14... 129 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:55,081 {\an8}This is Kent Brockman, live from Barney's Bowlarama 130 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,166 {\an8}where local pinhead Homer Simpson 131 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,709 {\an8}Is on the verge of a perfect game. 132 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:01,587 {\an8}Hey, there was no accident at the plant. 133 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,881 {\an8}Dad just wanted to go bowling. 134 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,008 He shouldn't have deceived me, 135 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,095 but I'm just so relieved Lenny's OK. 136 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,764 This could be the greatest individual achievement 137 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,267 In the history of Springfield, 138 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,894 which proves just how pitiful this town is. 139 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:18,896 (scoffing) Morons. 140 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,940 CROWD (chanting): Homer! Homer! 141 00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,567 Homer! 142 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,904 (cheering) 143 00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:31,033 Whoo-hoo! I'm ten pins away from perfection! 144 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:35,204 Now, listen, your father really needs to concentrate, 145 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,458 so we'll just stay here and not disturb him. 146 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,169 {\an8}Why won't they come over? 147 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,962 {\an8}I'm so lonely. 148 00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:44,922 This is it, folks, the ball that will determine 149 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,966 whether Homer Simpson rolls a perfect game 150 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,594 or a pathetic two-ninety-something. 151 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:58,144 (mumbling) 152 00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,854 (chuckles) What's wrong, Abe? 153 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,940 This is as fast as I can move. 154 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,829 Get down, get down. 155 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:44,398 Whoo-hoo! This is the greatest day of my life! 156 00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:47,151 MAN: Ow! 157 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,322 (all cheering) 158 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,242 You did it, Homey. 159 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,370 In your face, to-do list! 160 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,454 (crowd chanting) Homer, Homer, Homer... 161 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,581 Thank you. Thank you. 162 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,292 But there was someone else with me on that alley. 163 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,962 I'm talking about the big man, 164 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,046 Carl. 165 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,674 Aw, can the corn, bonehead. 166 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:11,592 (Marge scoffs) 167 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,805 Children, today's local hero is Homer Simpson. 168 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,932 (cheering) 169 00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,434 Mr. Simpson bowled a perfect game 170 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,187 without the aid of steroids, crack, angel dust 171 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,438 or the other narcotics 172 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,066 that are synonymous with pro bowling. 173 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,526 Thank you, Bart's teacher. 174 00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,072 You know, kids, my teachers said 175 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,824 I would never amount to anything. 176 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,410 And until last week, they were dead right. 177 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:40,371 But now I've achieved perfection. 178 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,709 Hmm... 179 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,586 Any questions? 180 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,296 Yes, Bart's weird friend. 181 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,089 Will you be my dad? 182 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,133 (laughs) You've got a father. 183 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,843 He's just a dud. Next question. 184 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,803 Yes, the girl Bart has a crush on. 185 00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,138 (groans) 186 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,390 Do you think I could grow up to be a doctor? 187 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,684 Hey, this was supposed to be about me. 188 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,061 Now, any other questions? Pumpkin face? 189 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,439 Head gear? Chicken pox? 190 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,816 Smelly? Lazy eye? Spiky head? 191 00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:13,070 OK, class dismissed. Rock on! 192 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,488 (cheering) 193 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,699 Want to split the birthday cupcakes? 194 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,159 ANNOUNCER: Live from Shelbyville, 195 00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,119 It's the Springfield Squares 196 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,912 featuring our new center square, 197 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,040 Homer "perfect game" Simpson. 198 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,086 Hey. Hi, Ron. (grunting) 199 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,047 There's a stairway, dumbass. 200 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:34,050 (laughs) OK, we'll start with our returning champion, 201 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,134 Disco Stu. 202 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:39,764 Disco Stu's going to groove up some dough playing tic-tac-toe. 203 00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,725 Stu, we like to downplay the resemblance to tic-tac-toe. 204 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,519 {\an8}I can dig it. Hit me with the center square. 205 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,397 -KENT BROCKMAN: Uh, Homer. -Yes, Kent? 206 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,066 According to Redbook magazine, 207 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,234 what is the speed of light? 208 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,529 Well, that... (stammering) Wait, uh... 209 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,740 Do I read from the sheet labeled "jokes" or "answers"? 210 00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,700 Oh, for the love of-- Stop tape. 211 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,369 Make me center square, Kent. 212 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,703 I'm ready. I can handle it. 213 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,913 Dream on, Drunky. 214 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:04,955 {\an8}Oh, that's it. 215 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,999 {\an8}You're going down. Ugh! 216 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,876 (gagging) 217 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:11,921 Stop it, you two. You're making Scratchy cry. 218 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,632 Oh, we've got to stop putting these flavors of the month on. 219 00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:17,718 -Flavor of the month? Me? -Yeah, Homer. 220 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,388 You can't just ride one accomplishment forever. 221 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,972 Why do you think I stopped acting 222 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,349 and became a director? 223 00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,433 I don't know. 224 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,810 Because you weren't cute anymore? 225 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,603 Hmm... I'll agree. 226 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,397 Circle gets the square. Good night, everyone. 227 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,023 (gagging) 228 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:39,198 Now, before my partner, Teller, hits the shark-infested water 229 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,158 I'll need to borrow someone's crossbow. 230 00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,828 I only need one. 231 00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,582 Now, to save my partner's life, 232 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,543 -I'll need complete-- -HOMER: Hello, everybody. 233 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,505 Did somebody say a perfect game? 234 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,799 You idiot. You'll ruin everything. 235 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,175 I'm doing a walk-on. 236 00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,760 It's a show business thing. 237 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,470 So, how are you all doing? 238 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,140 Let's see, what's in the news today? 239 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,683 Will you shut up? 240 00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,059 Hey, I thought you never talked. 241 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,978 Uh... I didn't mean to. (chuckles nervously) 242 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,521 It just slipped out. 243 00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:13,274 Oh, God. Now Penn's going to beat me. 244 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:15,526 {\an8}(laughs) Folks, it's all part of the act. 245 00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,610 No, it isn't. 246 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,028 Don't leave me alone with him. 247 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,156 {\an8}You've ruined the act. I'm going to kill you. 248 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,241 He'll do it. I'm not the first Teller. 249 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,327 Remember, Springfield, keep on swinging. 250 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,413 Hey, come here. I... I just want to talk to you. 251 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,998 Come here! Come here! 252 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,624 Ooh, ooh... Guys? 253 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:36,589 Remember, in the whole world, there's nobody like you. 254 00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:37,923 You're special. 255 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,342 ♪ So special ♪ 256 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:44,388 That's right. You are. (giggling) 257 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,473 HOMER: Hey, everybody. 258 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,433 I'm going to be on TV again. 259 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,936 {\an8}(moaning) 260 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:52,605 {\an8}That's right. 261 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,483 {\an8}You've got a special daddy. 262 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,526 {\an8}Burt Reynolds apologized to the Pope 263 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,528 {\an8}and promised to replace the windshield. 264 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,071 {\an8}Burt Reynolds, class act. 265 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,824 Well, now for our weekly segment, "Yesterday's News" 266 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,409 featuring Homer Simpson. 267 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,077 Are you as bored as I am with the antics 268 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,038 of this warmed-over Fred Flintstone? 269 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,707 I say it's time to put this one-trick pony 270 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:12,792 out to stud. 271 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,127 Whoo-hoo! First stop, Maude Flanders. 272 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,962 -Homer! -But she said I-- 273 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,380 {\an8}Dad, what she's saying is, 274 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,924 {\an8}you've had your moment in the sun 275 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,469 {\an8}and now it's time for you to gracefully step aside. 276 00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:25,930 Lisa, I know what's going on here. 277 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,348 They did it to Jesus 278 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,099 and now they're doing it to me. 279 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,602 Are you comparing yourself to our Lord? 280 00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,729 Well, in bowling ability. 281 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,650 Sweet bowling alley balloon. 282 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,527 You're my only friend. 283 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:44,114 (gagging and coughing) 284 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,450 What was that about? 285 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,327 Marge, has my life peaked? 286 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:51,789 Oh, Homey, is that what's bothering you? 287 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,290 Mmm-hmm. 288 00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,626 Well, the one sure cure for the blues 289 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,587 is to talk it over with your life partner. 290 00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,880 You're right. 291 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,423 I can't believe it, Moe. 292 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,385 The greatest feat of my life is already forgotten. 293 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,471 Geez, Homer, I've never seen you so depressed. 294 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,890 As your life partner, I'm very worried. 295 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,017 Save your tears, Moe. 296 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,853 Save 'em in a shot glass 297 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,647 for someone who still has a shred of hope. 298 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,107 A shred of what? I'm sorry, 299 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025 I was counting the cocktail radishes. 300 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,236 -(sighs) -Now where was I? 301 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:24,280 Uh, two, three... 302 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:27,157 Three radishes. Three big radishes. 303 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,951 ("The End" by The Doors playing) 304 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,161 ♪ This is the end ♪ 305 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:35,291 ♪ Beautiful friend ♪ 306 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,629 (singing) ♪ This is the end ♪ 307 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:46,176 ♪ My only friend, the end ♪ 308 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:51,265 ♪ Weird scenes inside the gold mine... ♪ 309 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,145 (elevator dings) 310 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:01,942 (sighs) 311 00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,905 Well, world, this is it. 312 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:09,116 You know, I always thought you'd die before me. 313 00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,784 Now, as I prepare my soul 314 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,037 for an eternity of fire and poking-- 315 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,039 Yeah, less chat, more splat, pal. 316 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:17,833 (screaming) 317 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:24,214 (screaming) 318 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:27,051 {\an8}Hey, Mr. S. I didn't know you bungeed. 319 00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,636 I want to live! 320 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,471 No, no! You're too heavy! 321 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,598 HOMER: It's a glandular problem! 322 00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:36,101 (both screaming) 323 00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,228 Ooh, Morlocks. 324 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,355 Chuds. 325 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,689 Mole people! 326 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:45,152 There is no escape from the fortress of the moles. 327 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:46,904 Well, except that. 328 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,989 -Ow! -(lid tumbling) 329 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,452 Oh, Lord. You saved me. 330 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,496 I guess you had some higher purpose in mind. 331 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:56,497 (car brakes skidding) 332 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,207 Hey! Look out! 333 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,875 Oh. Dumbass. 334 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,210 You trying to get yourself killed? 335 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,503 Not anymore, Ron. 336 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:05,506 Now I'm looking for something to dedicate my life to. 337 00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:07,216 Something noble, but easy. 338 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,635 {\an8}Daddy, stop talking to that bum. 339 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:11,470 Look, I'd love to help you out, Homer, 340 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,430 but I'm taking my kids to the zoo. 341 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,640 That's great. 342 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,726 Even big stars take their kids to the zoo. 343 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,228 Well, it's a different zoo 344 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:21,647 containing animals you've never heard of. 345 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:24,441 Daddy, we're missing the fantastipotamus! 346 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,694 She only sings twice a day! 347 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,028 That's it! 348 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,697 Kids are the answer. 349 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,783 I'll dedicate my life to my children. 350 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:35,661 Really? You have children? 351 00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:37,329 Aw, well, look. Here's some money. 352 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:40,749 {\an8}No. I don't want your pity or your money. 353 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,252 {\an8}Usually when you say that, 354 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,129 {\an8}you give the money back. 355 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,672 {\an8}-I do what now? -Yoink. 356 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:48,966 Listen, boy. 357 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,384 I was wondering if you could use 358 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,302 a little more fatherly attention. 359 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,762 No need, Dad. Over the years, 360 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,139 {\an8}I've learned to find father figures 361 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:57,391 {\an8}wherever I can. Construction workers, 362 00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:59,393 {\an8}the Internet, and Nelson here. 363 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:02,604 If you tie a string around your finger real tight, 364 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,273 you can make it turn purple. 365 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,650 {\an8}I can see I'm not needed here. 366 00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,194 Lisa, honey. 367 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,113 Do you need any help with your homework? 368 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,490 Sure. You can help me find three words 369 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,534 where "Y" is the vowel. 370 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,622 I've been so blind. 371 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,958 I'll lavish my attention on Maggie, 372 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,585 the forgotten Simpson. 373 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,878 (in sing-song voice) Maggie. 374 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,880 It's me, Daddy. 375 00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:30,507 Daddy's going to spend a lot more time with you. 376 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,800 Yes, he is! 377 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,093 Yes, he is! 378 00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:34,553 (speaking goofy gibberish) 379 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:37,931 (speaking sinister gibberish) 380 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,810 Where's Maggie? 381 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,353 Where's Maggie? 382 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,438 Hey, where is she? 383 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:47,232 There you are. 384 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,194 Hi, Maggie. 385 00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,738 I'm Homey-womey, the Teletubby. 386 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,865 And I'm all man, in case you heard otherwise. 387 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:58,118 {\an8}Let's see what's on tummyvision. 388 00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:00,788 Ow! Oh, that hurts! 389 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,456 (Homer moaning) 390 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,458 Whee! 391 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:05,542 Whee! 392 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:06,835 Don't be scared, Maggie. 393 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,128 Daddy won't drop you. 394 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,259 (pulley squeaking) 395 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:23,018 You're a tough cookie, Maggie, but I'm going to win you over, 396 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,020 just like I did with Lisa. 397 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,313 Hi, honey. 398 00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,777 OK, dads. 399 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,570 This is where your child's trust in you 400 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,988 really pays off. 401 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,115 D'oh! 402 00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:38,575 ALL: Come on. Come on. 403 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,120 Come on, Maggie. You can trust me. 404 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,746 Come to daddy! 405 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,164 (grunting baby-talk gibberish) 406 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,167 (sinister grunting) 407 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:48,710 Oh. 408 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,462 I'm sorry, Maggie. 409 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,047 I never realized things between us 410 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,298 had gotten this bad. 411 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,804 What are you pointing at? 412 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:00,806 The ocean? 413 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:05,060 That's a great idea! We'll swim in the ocean! 414 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:08,689 See, Maggie? 415 00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:11,108 The ocean is just like a bathtub. 416 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,985 Except instead of rubber duckies, 417 00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:15,779 it has barracudas and moray eels. 418 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:16,905 (chuckles) 419 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,283 (screaming) 420 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,287 Nothing to worry about. Just a little wave. 421 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,205 And this riptide is certainly 422 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,166 nothing Daddy can't struggle against. 423 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,208 Help! Help! 424 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,668 Somebody help! 425 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,421 {\an8}(gurgling) Current... too strong. 426 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:36,466 {\an8}I know. If I sink to the bottom, I can run to the shore. 427 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,551 (inhales) 428 00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:49,813 (gasping) Maggie, call Aquaman! 429 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,443 (gurgling) 430 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,170 (gagging and coughing) 431 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:15,964 Maggie, you're swimming! 432 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,759 You swam out to save me! 433 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,931 Oh, you do love me! 434 00:20:28,852 --> 00:20:31,188 Mr. Simpson, you're going to be fine. 435 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,940 Although you do seem to have swallowed 436 00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,274 a number of shark eggs. 437 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,361 {\an8}Actually, that was before I went in the ocean. 438 00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,488 Well, I don't want to pry into your personal life-- 439 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,990 {\an8}-Then don't. -Doctor, how could a little baby 440 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,284 save a full-grown man from drowning? 441 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,703 {\an8}(laughs) It's quite simple. 442 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,288 {\an8}When a parent's life is in danger, 443 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,958 {\an8}a child can summon superhuman strength. 444 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,167 And all I care about 445 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,586 is that my little girl loves me. 446 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,338 Oh. And we're going to spend 447 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,132 a lot more time together from now on. 448 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,801 (ball striking pins) 449 00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,053 (ball rolling slowly) 450 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,813 Good girl, Maggie! 451 00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,648 You knocked down all the pins! 452 00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:17,651 But you stepped over the line just a little bit. 453 00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,361 So I'll have to give you a five. 454 00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:24,032 And that gives you a final score of... 295. 455 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,617 Looks like Daddy won. 456 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:28,453 But 295 is awfully good for a baby. 457 00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:33,875 Yes, it is. It's very good, and you're a good little baby. 458 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,419 Yes, you are! 459 00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:38,213 {\an8}(laughing) 460 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,257 (baby talk) 461 00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:41,508 (content hum) 462 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:49,808 (theme music playing) 463 00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:28,722 Shh! 464 00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:34,061 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services