1
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The Simpsons

2
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D'oh!

3
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My brain!

4
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:30,697
Welcome to Career Day.
Here to tell to
you about his job

5
00:00:30,781 --> 00:00:34,409
is Bart's friend's dad,
Kirk Van Houten.

6
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How many of you children
have gone out to your car

7
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and found a flyer
on the windshield?

8
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,374
Are you the guy
that puts them there?

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00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,626
No. I'm his assistant.

10
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,963
But one time he was sick
and he let me do it.

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I totally screwed it up.

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That's it.

13
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I see. Well, we still
have 56 minutes left.
Any questions?

14
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,227
Do you know Mom's
getting re-married?

15
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,271
What? But she...

16
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I think we
should probably talk
about that later, Son.

17
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,485
No. You might as well
talk about it now.

18
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That was one
lousy Career Day.

19
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If we can't get
better speakers,

20
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:14,574
we'll have to go
back to teaching.

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And I can't stare
at those lifeless
fisheyes anymore!

22
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As head of the
Student Activities Committee,
I have an idea.

23
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I was wondering what
she was doing here.

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The speakers are poor
because we're letting
just anybody do it.

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Groundskeeper Willie,
Groundskeeper Willie's
enemy, Seamus.

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Yes. Seamus.
Ninety minutes of watching
a man drink in a bathtub.

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Well, I think we should
try the Springfield
Speakers Bureau.

28
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Good idea.

29
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Seamus,
we won't need you
to speak anymore.

30
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What?
This is your doing, Willie!

31
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I'll turn your groin
to pudding!

32
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You speak like a poet,
but you punch like one,
too!

33
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You bastard!

34
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Wow. Walter Mondale,
Marvin Hamlisch,
Mark Fuhrman.

35
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The former president
of Procter & Gamble!

36
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We have a special this month.
Mr. Blackwell debates Mr. T.

37
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Oh, please.
I've seen nicer chains
on a set of snow tires.

38
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I pity the fool who
derives self-esteem

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from mocking other
people's clothes.

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I hate myself.

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Ooh! Here's a
wonderful speaker,
Geoff Jenkins!

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Who?
He created a cartoon
called Danger Dog.

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It's popular with
kids and adults.

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Yes. Fine. He'll do.

45
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Anything to end this
unstructured conversation.

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00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:37,281
And in a gutless act
of political correctness,

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Pizza Day will
now be known as

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00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,828
Italian-American
Sauce Bread Day.

49
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Now that's sensitivity.
Right, Giuseppe?

50
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Giuseppe is such
a happy monkey.

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00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:50,878
And now,
today's guest speaker,

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the creator of Danger Dog,
Geoff Jenkins!

53
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Geoff! Geoff! Geoff!

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Thanks, kids.

55
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:01,514
Next month we'll be
airing the Danger Dog
Easter Special.

56
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Would anyone like to
see a sneak preview?

57
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Yeah!

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Danger Dog,
Neuterville needs you!

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I hope this is important.
I've got a hot date tonight.

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With Sarah Jessica Barker.

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Nice.
Anyway, your archenemy,
Molly Ringworm,

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has threatened to destroy
the city with her puke ray.

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The mayor's barf is
worse than his bite.

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Le mot juste.

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If you freeze the frame,
you can see that
the chunks of barf

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are actually pictures
of our animators
and their friends.

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Are there any questions?

68
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Here! Right here! Hello!

69
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Yes, you.

70
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What state does
Danger Dog live in?

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Michigan. Next.

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Why does Danger Dog
mean more to me than
school or church?

73
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Because those things suck.

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I have
a question, Mr. Jenkins.

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Could you tell us
about all the hard work
and buckling down

76
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that you put
into every cartoon?

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Are you kidding?
This is the easiest job
in the world.

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I spend most of my time
eating candy and going
to R-rated movies.

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Wow. Cool.
Wow.

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Well, then,
tell the children how hard
you studied in school

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to get
where you are today.

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Studied?

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Kids, all I ever did was
sit in class and doodle.

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Like this one.
It's what your principal
would look like as a woman.

85
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Fire, children!
Hurry outside!

86
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There's no time to let
today's lecture sink in!

87
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Why'd you do that?

88
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I won't stand by
while you're
glamorizing sass.

89
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Now those youngsters
will throw their lives away,

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00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,060
drawing things
that never were.

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I'm coming up with
my own cartoon character.

92
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He's called Danger Cat.

93
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Mine's called Trouble Dog.

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I'm called Ralph.

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Mine is Danger Dude.
But he's a dog.

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(CHUCKLES)
Oh, yeah.

97
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:37,253
Well,
I'm my own toughest critic,
but I think it's genius.

98
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Now, to sell it
for millions.

99
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This comic strip is
lame and derivative.

100
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I'll be
the judge of that!

101
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Oh... (GASPS)
Stan Lee?

102
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Creator of Marvel Comics?

103
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Greetings, true believers.

104
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My heart is pounding
like Thor's hammer

105
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on Dr. Doom's
titanium-infused faceplate!

106
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Hey, aren't you
the guy who was
stalking Lynda Carter?

107
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The term is "courting."

108
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The restraining order
says, "No, no."

109
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But her eyes say,
"Yes, yes."

110
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Let's see what
you've got, son.

111
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My Spidey sense
is tingling.

112
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It's that good?

113
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Did I say "Spidey"?
I meant stinky. 'Nuff said.

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What did I do wrong?

115
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I don't know.
Try everything.

116
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Now hold on, Comic Book Guy.
This boy's still
finding his voice.

117
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So, you're saying
I should keep trying?

118
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Absolutely.

119
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And if you fail,
you can always open
a comic book store.

120
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Stan Lee insulted me.

121
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But in Bizarro World,
that means he likes me.

122
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I just need
one great idea.

123
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Batman!
It's been done.

124
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Green Lantern. No.

125
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I like Little Dot.
Could you rip that off?

126
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I mean,
who's gonna know?

127
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I'd know, Mom!

128
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That little girl
sure loved dots.

129
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Hmm. All I need is
one classic character.

130
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Stupid lawn chair!

131
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Come on! Unfold, you...

132
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Ow!

133
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D'oh!

134
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Hey!

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This'll teach
that stupid chair!

136
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I'm on fire!

137
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I hope
no one's drawing this!

138
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Hey, always drawing
your old man, huh?

139
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You must think
I'm the greatest
dad in the world.

140
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Lousy minor setback!
This world sucks!

141
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Don't you hate carpet
stores that charge extra
for the under padding?

142
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I hate them so much!

143
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,573
Tonight,
When Dinosaurs Get Drunk...

144
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Mmm!

145
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Oh, I've been there, man.

146
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...has been canceled.

147
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,962
Instead we bring you
The Boring World
of Niels Bohr.

148
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My ice cream sandwich!
Then where the hell's
the remote?

149
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:36,932
Why do people
keep moving it?
Stupid...

150
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This is perfect.

151
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A couple of stink lines
around his butt,
and I'm done.

152
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Angry Dad rocks!

153
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"Argh! I'm angry."
That's like something
my dads would say.

154
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Simpson, you've created
a timeless comic character.

155
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Thanks, guys.

156
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,374
Will you sign
Martin's cast?

157
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What cast? Ow!

158
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I won't be swimming
this summer.

159
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,882
Bart, this is just Dad.

160
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:13,552
It's a composite character.
Your dad, my dad,
a little of Maggie's dad.

161
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,179
No. It's just Dad.

162
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:18,557
Maybe Angry Dad
needs a sidekick,
Know-It-All Sister!

163
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:21,518
Can she have a pony?
And the last line
in the scene?

164
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Your penciling
is sub-Ziggy

165
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and the main character
is off-model
in every frame.

166
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,074
However,
I deem this rack-worthy.

167
00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:39,662
Wow, I made it!
My week-long dream
has come true!

168
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:45,251
Hold it, son.
Wouldn't you rather have
an exciting action figure?

169
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:49,046
But only Batman
fits in my Batmobile.

170
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,258
Are you nuts?
The Thing fits in
there perfectly.

171
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,804
Look.
He's fitting right now.

172
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,766
Stan Lee came back?

173
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,518
Stan Lee never left.

174
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,019
And I'm starting to
think that his mind

175
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,021
is no longer in
mint condition.

176
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You broke my Batmobile!

177
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,444
Broke?
Or made it better?

178
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Now I can't stand
in line anymore.

179
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,167
Bart Simpson,
creative genius?

180
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,294
What's it to you?

181
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,378
I'm from the Internet.

182
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,047
We'd like to
turn Angry Dad into
an animated series.

183
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,426
Wow! Angry Dad,
an Internet cartoon!

184
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,595
I'll be in cyberspace next to
the Nabisco Cookie Web site!

185
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,140
Hey, Soul Patch,
you cut the line!

186
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,058
Here's my card.

187
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:47,980
Whoa!

188
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,149
This is people working?

189
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,571
This is great.

190
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,115
Hey, Bart. Care for
a children's cappuccino?

191
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:01,327
What up, man?
This is my manager/sister,
Lisa.

192
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,453
What up?

193
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:04,079
Everyone here
loves Angry Dad.

194
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,248
It's just what
we've been looking for.

195
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,167
So, what do you
want to do with it?

196
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:12,296
Bart, I'm not a woman
and I can't have babies.

197
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:15,507
But I can
give life to animated
Internet cartoons.

198
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,927
Let me show you one
of our hottest shows,
Bin Laden in a Blender.

199
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,642
Well, it delivers
what it promises.

200
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:29,021
Now, Bart,
we can't pay you a salary.
But we can give you stock.

201
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:32,524
How is your
company gonna make money?
Do you have a business model?

202
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,944
How many shares of
stock will it take to
end this conversation?

203
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,863
Two million.
It is done.

204
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,407
Now, let's watch
another of our
great cartoons,

205
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,493
Lou Rawls, Secret Agent.

206
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:49,041
You'll never find
that microfilm of mine

207
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,711
Bart, meet the voice
of Angry Dad.

208
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,546
Okay. Let's hear it.

209
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,549
Well, I was thinking
of something like,

210
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,385
"I'm a big fat idiot!"

211
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,262
Wow! I think
we have our Angry Dad.

212
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,348
Woo-hoo!
When do I get paid?

213
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,308
In 2012.
D'oh!

214
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,645
Now, we just add color.

215
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,651
In five minutes, it'll be
on the World Wide Web.

216
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,069
I can't wait that long.

217
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:20,030
To pass the time,
help yourself to
some more stock.

218
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,375
That's funny!

219
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,461
There's only one way
my show can compete
with this.

220
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:37,423
Book that animal
that always chomps
on my groin.

221
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,799
Susan Anton?

222
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,134
No, the lemur!

223
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:49,518
Oh, what a day.
Maybe the headlines
will cheer me up.

224
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,189
That's opinion, not news!

225
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,194
That guy's hilarious.

226
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:03,031
I especially like
his white shirt
and blue pants.

227
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,993
Wait a second.
Angry Dad is me.

228
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:09,246
Yeah.
Didn't you know? You've been
world-famous for an hour now.

229
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,832
You're the Internet's
number one
non-porno site.

230
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,709
Which makes you
ten-trillionth overall.

231
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,795
What kind of a monster
would humiliate me like this?

232
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,008
This has been
a Bart-toon presentation.

233
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,177
In association with
Ay Carumba Entertainment.

234
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,763
Why that little...

235
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,563
Stupid Bart-toon.

236
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,192
Bart-toon, that's clever.

237
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:39,318
I'm gonna kill him.

238
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:45,282
Look,
it's Internet buffoon,
Angry Dad.

239
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,826
Let's send him into
one of his trademark fits.

240
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:50,579
Hey, come on!
Make your eyes explode.

241
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:56,502
Stop it!
The more you rock,
the angrier I get!

242
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,045
You heard the freak.

243
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:01,632
Leave me alone!

244
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,391
Look at me.
I'm Angry Dad!

245
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:23,445
This job sure is easy.
Now, to press this button.

246
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,242
Not again!

247
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,537
Angry Dad, you're fired.

248
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,291
Die, monster!

249
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,169
Homer, what are you doing?

250
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:44,633
We're just rehearsing
for Angry Dad:
The Motion Picture.

251
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,052
How'd you like to be played
by John Goodman?

252
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:52,474
That's so obvious.
It should be Gary Oldman.

253
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,269
Dad, I'm no fan
of Bart's cartoon,

254
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:57,396
but you have a real
problem with anger.

255
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,357
I'm just passionate.
Like all us Greeks.

256
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:04,403
No, you're angry.
Look, you're punching
the cat right now.

257
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:07,573
I am...
Oh, my gosh,
you're right!

258
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,533
I'm a rage-aholic.

259
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:15,289
I just can't live
without rage-ahol!

260
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,420
Congratulations, Dad.
The first step
is admitting it.

261
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,963
Is it also the last step?

262
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,840
No. The last step
is quitting.

263
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:33,307
Very well.
I'm not gonna be Angry Dad
for one day longer!

264
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,351
I'm giving up
anger forever!

265
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,438
If you ask me,
you should give
up fatty foods.

266
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:40,897
I said anger!

267
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:50,157
Did it again.

268
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,121
Where the hell is that
soothing music coming from?

269
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,292
Homer, what's going on?

270
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,377
I gave up anger forever.

271
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,172
From now on,
I'm into candles,

272
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,924
soft music,
and horse tranquilizers.

273
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,193
Nothing can make
me mad out here.

274
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,945
Paperboy!

275
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:31,865
Milkman!

276
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,077
Piano lady!

277
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,333
Must suppress rage.

278
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:45,962
Huh?

279
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:54,763
Come on,
Angry Dad, get angry!
Don't make me do a clip show!

280
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,265
Hello there,
Flan-diddily-danders.

281
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,268
Hey, Homer.
I've been singing
your praises all day.

282
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,854
Marge said we could
have choir practice
in your house tonight.

283
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,152
Here's a preview.

284
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,698
God said to Noah
build yourself an arky-arky

285
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:16,159
Animals came on by
onesies and twosies-twosies

286
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,621
Elephants and
kangaroosies-roosies

287
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,043
This little trap
is gonna make

288
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,379
my dad angrier
than he's ever been.

289
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,588
In the meantime,
I got to tell

290
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,215
those Internet guys
to hold tight.

291
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,425
Can I come, too?

292
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,510
Good idea.
You can speak
nerd to them.

293
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,595
I'm not a nerd, Bart.

294
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,139
Nerds are smart.

295
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,187
Oh, my God!
What happened?

296
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:47,357
They went belly up
like all the other
Internet companies.

297
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,443
Looks like
the bubble burst.

298
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,819
Bubbles can burst?

299
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:54,114
Yeah, but it's a golden age
for the repo business.

300
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,491
One that shall never end.

301
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,120
Bart, it's over.

302
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,456
Ow!

303
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,249
What do you mean,
"It's over"?

304
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,877
We're bankrupt.
The stock is at zero.

305
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,754
But I have
52 million shares.

306
00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:11,965
What's 52 million times zero?
And don't tell me it's zero!

307
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:15,093
Bart, it's not about
how much stock you have.

308
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:16,303
It's about how
much copper wire

309
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,679
you can get out of
the building with!

310
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:23,560
Looks like you can't
retire by age 12.

311
00:18:23,644 --> 00:18:26,605
Yeah. But at least now
that my show's canceled,
I don't need material.

312
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:29,858
So there's no need
to lure my dad into
the trap I set for him.

313
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,401
The trap!

314
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:38,533
They call me
mellow yellow, quite rightly

315
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:42,704
This fellow never bellows,
quite rightly

316
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:44,623
Mmm.

317
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,635
This looks suspicious.

318
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:57,886
But delicious!

319
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:07,646
Cacti!

320
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,281
Dirty diapers on strings!

321
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,751
Time to put this
ordeal behind me.

322
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,930
Homer mad!

323
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:46,935
Thank God his
pants stayed on.

324
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:57,779
Homer mad! Homer smash!
Get revenge on world!

325
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,115
Look!
It's the Incredible Hulk!

326
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,541
He can't be the Hulk!
I'm the Hulk!

327
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:17,299
Please.
You couldn't even
change into Bill Bixby.

328
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,926
Come on, damn it!
Change!

329
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:23,847
Forget it.

330
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:28,018
I really did it once.

331
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:31,479
Yes, yes. I just wish
you had the power
to leave my store.

332
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,567
You almost
had it there.

333
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,575
Bart, your prank cost
$10 million in damages!

334
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,285
I know. I'm sorry.

335
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,787
Sorry for what?
Saving your father's life?

336
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:48,914
What?
What?

337
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:51,041
It's true.
You see, these boils

338
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,501
on Homer's neck
are pent up rage.

339
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,087
If Bart's trap
hadn't set Homer off,

340
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,632
the anger would've
overwhelmed Homer's system.

341
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,592
You mean I shouldn't
punish Bart at all?

342
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,928
Why, if anything,
he should punish you.

343
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,179
Huh?

344
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,347
Okay.

345
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,934
Well, Son,
I want to show you
how grateful I am.

346
00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,393
Let's go fishing.

347
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:15,023
Who knew that anger
was saving my life?

348
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:18,026
Say it, don't spray it.

349
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,612
You're trying
to get me angry!

350
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:22,572
Thank you.

351
00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:23,698
You're not welcome.

352
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:24,783
D'oh!

353
00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,534
I love you, boy.

354
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,620
Ha-ha! You love a boy!

355
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:30,789
Stop it now!

356
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:33,458
If you love me so much,
why don't you marry me?

357
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,001
That's a good one.

358
00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:23,633
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