1 00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:06,214 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:07,465 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,719 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,137 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,557 (static) 6 00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:28,194 {\an8}(chomping noisily) 7 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,323 {\an8}(plate squeaks) 8 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,411 {\an8}Marge, can't we get some clear plates? 9 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:39,497 {\an8}I can't see the TV. 10 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:42,375 {\an8}Is it really necessary to watch TV while we're eating? 11 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,294 {\an8}We're getting food all over. 12 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,019 {\an8}Yoink! 13 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,688 {\an8}If you really wanted us to be neater 14 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,648 {\an8}you'd serve us out of one long bowl. 15 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,234 {\an8}You're talking about a trough. 16 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,612 {\an8}We're not going to eat from a trough. 17 00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:12,989 {\an8}And another thing, it's only 5:15. 18 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,824 {\an8}Why are you in your underwear? 19 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,493 {\an8}Hey, this ain't the Ritz. 20 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:21,498 {\an8}At least let's have a civilized conversation, shall we? 21 00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,249 {\an8}Lisa, how was school? 22 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,292 {\an8}How was what? What? 23 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:25,502 {\an8}School! School! 24 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,504 {\an8}It's not time for school. 25 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,839 {\an8}I know it's not-- (groans) 26 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,925 {\an8}I'm going into the dining room 27 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:33,510 {\an8}to have a conversation. 28 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,638 {\an8}Anyone who wants to join me is welcome. 29 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:40,892 {\an8}MARGE: Hello, Marge, how's the family? 30 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,227 {\an8}I don't want to talk about it. 31 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,478 {\an8}Mind your own business. 32 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,063 Keep it down in there, everybody. 33 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,691 Homer, is this the way you pictured married life? 34 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,401 Yeah, pretty much. 35 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,946 Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries. 36 00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,906 Well, I pictured cocktail parties 37 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:56,241 and candlelit dinners. 38 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,617 I pictured napkins! 39 00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,994 Homer, I want to throw a dinner party. 40 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,080 Oh, I hate having parties. 41 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:03,957 The toilet always gets backed up. 42 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,126 I don't care if the sink shoots sludge. 43 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,585 We're having a party. 44 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:17,178 Man, that is flagrant false advertising! 45 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,977 It's just not a dinner party without a melon baller 46 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,979 and we'll need a citrus zester 47 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,313 a ravioli crimper. 48 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,858 Ooh, an oyster mallet. 49 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,277 "Made in U.S.A." 50 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,946 Oh, no, thank you. 51 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,865 Hey, Lis, check this out. 52 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,449 Nonstick coating. 53 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:44,873 Ooh. 54 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:48,501 A punchbowl like that just screams good taste. 55 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,420 Wouldn't it be perfect for the dinner party? 56 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,754 Oh, we can't afford that. 57 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,798 Who do you think I am, Liz Taylor? 58 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,593 Well, maybe we could use it once 59 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,094 and then return it. 60 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,721 Marge, we're not talking 61 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,723 about a toothbrush here. 62 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,603 Bart, company's coming. 63 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,730 Go put doilies under the coasters. Hurry! Hurry! 64 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,689 (bell rings) 65 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,777 Lisa, quick, screw these back on. 66 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,112 Mom, calm down. 67 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,864 The party's not for another three hours. 68 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:18,865 Oh, good. 69 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,283 That will give me time 70 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,493 to add another coat of glaze to the ham. 71 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,336 (grunts) 72 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,181 Homer! 73 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,432 HOMER: What?! 74 00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:45,558 Are you ready?! 75 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,894 Just got to put my shoes on. 76 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,021 The only thing I asked you to do for this party 77 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,940 was put on clothes and you didn't do it. 78 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,066 (doorbell rings) 79 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,400 And now it's too late! 80 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,902 They're here! 81 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,363 Bart, greet our guests and take their coats. 82 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,618 Mom, Reverend Lovejoy doesn't have a coat. 83 00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:04,619 Should I let him in? 84 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:05,995 My coat was stolen 85 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,206 at last week's interfaith banquet 86 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,415 so I helped myself 87 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,376 to a few of the better umbrellas. 88 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:12,669 Well, as you can see 89 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,837 we don't believe fur is murder. 90 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,965 But paying for it sure is. 91 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,675 (laughing) 92 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,218 Uh, sorry we're late 93 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,637 but Luann had to put on her face. 94 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,722 She doesn't want anyone to know 95 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:25,807 she's got no eyebrows. 96 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,642 What? You don't. 97 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,106 (all conversing) 98 00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:35,984 Did anyone see that new Woodsy Allen movie? 99 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,819 You know, I'd like his films except for 100 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,445 that nervous fellow who's always in them. 101 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,240 If you want to talk nervous, you should have seen Kirk deal 102 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,617 with the high school boys who egged our Bonneville. 103 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,245 I should've asked them to hurl some bacon. 104 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,622 Then maybe I could've had a decent breakfast for once. 105 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,670 HOMER: You know what you two need? 106 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,756 A little comic strip called "Love Is". 107 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,218 It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married. 108 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,016 Hmm, well... 109 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,851 Marge, if that was my last meal 110 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,438 I'd tell the warden, "Bring on the lethal injection". 111 00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,815 Yeah, Marge, I know I haven't eaten that well 112 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,525 since I was in the army. 113 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:18,860 Or that noisily. 114 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,653 All right, that's it. 115 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,572 So, who wants to play a game? 116 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:23,531 Hmm, hmm, hmm? 117 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:28,911 Oh... That's a noodle scratcher. 118 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,496 (gasps): Cornstarch! 119 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,956 Oh, righty-oh! 120 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,835 It's good for keeping down the urges. 121 00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,505 Oh, come on, Luann. You know what this is. 122 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,758 Kirk, I don't know what it is. 123 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,720 Ah, it could not be more simple, Luann. 124 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,180 Do you want me to show this to the cat 125 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,057 and have the cat tell you what it is? 126 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,516 'Cause the cat's going to get it. 127 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,061 I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you, Kirk. 128 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,521 We didn't all go to Gudger college. 129 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:56,939 It's "Dignity!" Gahh! 130 00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,276 Don't you even know dignity when you see it? 131 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,277 Kirk, you're spitting. 132 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,278 Okay, genius, 133 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,030 why don't you draw dignity? 134 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,080 -(all exclaiming) -Oh, that's dignity all right. 135 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:15,291 Worthy of Webster's. 136 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,335 It's no wonder I can't draw dignity. 137 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,170 I gave it up when I married her. 138 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,506 Now, Kirk, it's only a game. 139 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:22,965 Sometimes, we-- 140 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,384 Aw, cram it, churchy! 141 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,345 Maybe we should all have a few drinks. 142 00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:28,471 I'd have a drink, 143 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:29,889 but it might loosen my tongue. 144 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,475 You want to talk? Go ahead, Luann, talk. 145 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,976 Why don't you tell them 146 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,395 one of your little bedtime stories, huh? 147 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,230 Like the one about how rotten it is 148 00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,773 to be married to a loser. 149 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,441 Or how about the one about 150 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,777 how I carry a change purse? 151 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,195 Yeah, a purse! 152 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:45,571 Shut up and let the woman talk. 153 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,116 Okay, Kirk, I'll tell a story. 154 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,659 It's about a man whose father-in-law 155 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,328 gave him a sweet job as manager of a cracker factory. 156 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,329 HOMER: Boring. 157 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,956 A man whose complete lack 158 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,999 of business sense and managerial impotence... 159 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,543 Ooh, here we go. 160 00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:00,962 ...sent the number-one cracker factory in town 161 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:04,006 into a tie for sixth with Tabletime and Allied Biscuit. 162 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,134 KIRK: You want to hear a secret, everybody? 163 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,969 Luann loves it-- Loves it-- 164 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:09,720 When I fail. 165 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,390 Oh, yes, Kirk, I love having to borrow money from my sister. 166 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:15,810 I love having to steal clothes from the church donation box. 167 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:17,728 Oh, sweet Jesus. 168 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,774 Lisa, why don't you come sing for us? 169 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,151 ♪ You're a grand old flag... ♪ 170 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,194 Oh, great. You got the kid singing. 171 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,821 I hope you're happy now. 172 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:28,156 I am not happy 173 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,992 and I haven't been happy for a long time. 174 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,410 I want a divorce! 175 00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:33,744 (all gasping) 176 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,833 A... divorce? 177 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,836 Sure. Divorce. 178 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,921 Hey, you got it, toots 179 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:47,592 and here's a picture even you can figure out. 180 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:50,136 It's a door! Use it! 181 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,554 That's a door? 182 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,392 Hello, I'm Doctor Hibbert. 183 00:07:56,476 --> 00:08:00,480 I'm afraid I'm going to have to amputate your butt. 184 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:01,856 (all laughing) 185 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,442 All right, if you think you must. 186 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,819 Come on, Milhouse, we are going. 187 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,738 Aw, can't I come home later? 188 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,072 There's not going to be a home later. 189 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,491 Oh, okay. 190 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:15,453 Ta-ta, I'm off to the beauty salon. 191 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:16,496 Good night. 192 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,872 Thanks for coming. 193 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,123 We'll see you. 194 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,458 Bye-bye. 195 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,835 Well, I think that went pretty well. 196 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,880 (tires squealing) 197 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,051 What? 198 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,598 I feel terrible. 199 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,476 The Van Houtens split up at our party. 200 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,644 Marge, please. 201 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:41,562 That was 20 minutes ago. 202 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,855 I shouldn't have served 203 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,690 those North Korean fortune cookies. 204 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,318 They were so insulting: "You are a coward." 205 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,904 No one likes to hear that after a nice meal. 206 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,989 You can't keep blaming yourself. 207 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,784 Just blame yourself once and move on. 208 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,161 You know who the real victim is in all of this-- 209 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,412 Milhouse. 210 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:05,336 Hey, Van Houten, I heard your folks broke up. 211 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,214 Aren't you going to say, "Ha-ha"? 212 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,840 Oh, by no means. 213 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,342 My dad left my mom 214 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,262 after she got hooked on cough drops. 215 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:17,139 By the end, her breath was so fresh... 216 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,850 she wasn't really my mother anymore. 217 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,018 Oh. 218 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:23,521 So I guess I'm not alone. 219 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,106 Ah, you'll do fine. 220 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,316 My divorce was tough on my kid 221 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,401 but he got over it. 222 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,528 I sleep in a drawer. 223 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:34,407 ♪ I dig the nightlife ♪ 224 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,450 ♪ Got the boogie... ♪ 225 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,244 (humming) 226 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,752 I must say, Luann, you're really 227 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,214 handling this splendidly. 228 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,259 From now on, forget everything you thought you knew 229 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,511 about Luann Van Houten. 230 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,762 Actually, Luann, I don't really 231 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:57,888 know anything about you. 232 00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,640 Forget it. She's gone. 233 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,392 Presto-chango! 234 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,602 Kaboom! 235 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,312 Sweet Fanny Adams! 236 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:05,438 Bye-bye! 237 00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,400 Singles life is great, homer. 238 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,402 I can do whatever I want. 239 00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,779 Today I drank a beer in the bathroom. 240 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,197 The one down the hall. 241 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,325 Yeah. And another great thing: 242 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,743 you get your own bed. 243 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,579 I sleep in a racing car. Do you? 244 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,748 I sleep in a big bed with my wife. 245 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,750 Oh. Yeah. 246 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,543 (knocking) 247 00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,005 Hey, there, Kirk. 248 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,923 Oh, boy, what's going on? 249 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:34,258 Patio party? 250 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,010 No. A possum drowned in the pool. 251 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,678 You have any garbage bags? 252 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,847 Uh, just throw it over the fence. 253 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,182 Let Arby's worry about it. 254 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,808 That's Jerry. 255 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,353 He's a major player down at the sewing store. 256 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:47,313 Well, thanks for introducing me. 257 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:48,439 Oh, don't worry, Homer. 258 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:49,857 You know me 259 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,985 and I'm a superstar at the cracker factory. 260 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,488 {\an8}KIRK: You're letting me go?! 261 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,115 Kirk, crackers are a family food. 262 00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,659 Happy families. 263 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:02,703 Maybe single people eat crackers; we don't know. 264 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,997 Frankly, we don't want to know. 265 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,457 It's a market we could do without. 266 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:07,917 So that's it-- After 20 years 267 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,251 so long, good luck? 268 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,670 I don't recall saying good luck. 269 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,839 (imitating car engine) 270 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:17,593 And the winner of the Milhouse 500 is... 271 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,346 Milhouse! 272 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:21,681 LUANN: Milhouse, are you sure 273 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,599 you want to drive that inside? 274 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,850 Yes. 275 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,769 Okay. Be careful, sweet, sweet treasure. 276 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:27,728 (doorbell rings) 277 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,774 God, I missed you, Lu-Lu. 278 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:32,775 (giggles) 279 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,193 Chase... 280 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,612 It's only been three hours. 281 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,863 Who's Chase? 282 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,907 Oh. That's mom's new boyfriend. 283 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,827 Hey, I know you from American Gladiators. 284 00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,120 You're Pyro! 285 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,788 Only on weekends. 286 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,331 During the week 287 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,125 I'm just your average work-a-day stuntman. 288 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,167 Really? 289 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,503 Go ahead. Break a chair on me. 290 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:53,796 (grunts) 291 00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,840 Wow! Thanks. 292 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,675 Okay, boys, I got to go. 293 00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,468 Come on, Lu-Lu, let's roll. 294 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,814 (whistling) 295 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,524 (yelling) 296 00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,818 Ow! Gee. Ow! 297 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,695 What the hell is wrong with you?! 298 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,697 Geez, sor-ry. 299 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,699 It's a pretty standard stunt, Homer. 300 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,576 MARGE: Homer, get ready! 301 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:24,702 For what? 302 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:26,495 Remember? Luann and Chase 303 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,914 are taking us out to hear Spalding Gray. 304 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,833 I don't want to go to that. 305 00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:33,043 You said you'd do it as a favor to me. 306 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,880 That doesn't sound like something I'd say. 307 00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,131 Fine. I'll go without you. 308 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,758 Okay. Love ya. 309 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,766 Homer, I want you to meet my new special lady. 310 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,059 Say hello to Starla. 311 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:50,770 (cigarette sizzling) 312 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,522 Can I have the keys to the car, lover? 313 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,858 I feel like changing wigs. 314 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,486 Okay. 315 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:02,281 Starla's a temp at K-ZOG radio 530. 316 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,700 She's going to help me launch my singing career. 317 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,868 (engine racing and tires screeching) 318 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:06,827 My car! 319 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,750 Oh, my demo tape! 320 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,338 "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" 321 00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:19,340 (laughing) 322 00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:22,384 "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" 323 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:26,222 That's your picture on the front. 324 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:27,973 Go ahead, Homer, laugh at me. 325 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,391 I already did. 326 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,976 (sighs) 327 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,478 You know why all this happened, don't you? 328 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,772 'Cause I took my marriage for granted. 329 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,357 You know, in 12 years 330 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,567 I never once helped out with the housework? 331 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,319 Oh, yeah, you got to do that. 332 00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,363 I could've at least stayed in shape for her. 333 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:43,781 Oh, and for yourself. 334 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,491 I could've taken just a little time 335 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,660 to make her feel special. 336 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,995 It can't just be sex. It can't. 337 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,248 God, I was so self-centered. 338 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,999 No wonder I didn't see it coming. 339 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:55,876 That's how it is, though. 340 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,420 One day your wife is making you your favorite meal 341 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,756 the next day you're thawing a hot dog 342 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,550 in a gas station sink. 343 00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,844 Oh, that's tough, pal. 344 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,804 But it's never going to happen to me. 345 00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,264 Well, how do you know? 346 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,474 What makes you guys so special? 347 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,101 'Cause Marge and I have one thing 348 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,853 that can never be broken: 349 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:19,024 A strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine. 350 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,901 Marge, I'm home. 351 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,069 Where are you? 352 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,029 Are you okay? 353 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,656 I don't smell dinner. 354 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:28,117 "Dear Homer..." Aw. 355 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,911 "Sorry you didn't want to join me tonight. 356 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,038 "I left you hot dogs for dinner. 357 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,790 They're thawing in the sink." 358 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,211 (screams) 359 00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:47,678 Hi, Dad. 360 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,638 You know, there's buns in the cabinet. 361 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,890 Lisa, wait. 362 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,474 I know you're only eight years old 363 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,351 and I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you 364 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,478 but you've got to save my marriage. 365 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,899 Oh. Okay. Can I stay up? 366 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,400 Mmm... all right. 367 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,361 (clearing throat) 368 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,696 As you know, there's been 369 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,573 a lot of talk about divorce lately 370 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,284 and I think your mom might not be happy with me. 371 00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,161 You've done a lot of crazy stuff over the years 372 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,329 and she stood by you. 373 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,122 Why would she leave you now? 374 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,666 'Cause there's lots of stuff she doesn't know about. 375 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,752 You mean, like your poker shack out in the swamp? 376 00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:20,753 Mm-hmm. 377 00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:21,879 She knows. 378 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,380 Oh, I knew this would happen. 379 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,342 Our whole marriage started off on the wrong foot. 380 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,511 MAN: Dearly beloved, we are gathered 381 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,764 in the sight of God and this casino to join... 382 00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:32,765 Homer. 383 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,516 -And... -Marge. 384 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,101 In holy matrimony. 385 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,395 By the power vested in me by the state gaming commission 386 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,356 I pronounce you man and wife. 387 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,607 Here's ten dollars worth of chips. 388 00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,359 You may kiss the bride. 389 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,318 Mm... 390 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,575 See? 391 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,410 You don't have to spend a lot of money 392 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,579 to have a first-class wedding reception. 393 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,831 (Marge sighing) 394 00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,959 It's getting less and less likely 395 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,211 you're going to yell "Surprise" 396 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,129 and have all my friends jump out. 397 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,631 "Levi's." 398 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:08,050 Hey, you think that truck is full of jeans? 399 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,555 You're very lucky to have mom. 400 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,520 That's your advice? Go to bed. 401 00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,442 Good morning. 402 00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:26,819 You know, Marge, I was thinking 403 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,571 about how much I enjoy your interests 404 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,948 so I wandered over 405 00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:33,200 to that theater you went to last night 406 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:36,161 and I bought tickets to their entire season. 407 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,456 Look, Mostly Madrigal. 408 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,834 Hey, that might be good. 409 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:45,004 Oh, oh, An Evening with Philip Glass. 410 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,463 Just an evening? 411 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:51,510 Voices of the Elderly Poor. Hmm... 412 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:55,222 Homey, I appreciate this 413 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,850 but I'd really like to get some sleep. 414 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,393 Oh, of course, my sweet. 415 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:02,062 I'll just make some soothing ocean sounds for you. 416 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,605 (blowing) 417 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:11,488 (imitates fog horn) 418 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,615 (squawking) 419 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,034 (inhales) 420 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,785 Arr, matey. 421 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,628 (humming) 422 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,465 Armando, don't you think you're taking a lot off-- 423 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:30,507 (screams) 424 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,342 Homer, what are you doing? 425 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,804 I wanted to surprise you with a kicky summer do. 426 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,723 How many husbands would do that for their wives? 427 00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,059 None-- They'd have more sense than that. 428 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,311 Ooh... you're feisty. 429 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,396 I'm going to give you a Madonna cut. 430 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,773 Mmm! Homer 431 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:48,525 I don't need you around me 24 hours a day. 432 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,526 I'm a grown woman. 433 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,445 I can take care of myself. 434 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:54,031 Now will you please just go away? 435 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:59,703 Oh... I just made things worse. 436 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,997 A few clumsy gestures aren't going to make up 437 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,582 for ten years of neglect. 438 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:07,628 Marge deserves someone who will treat her right. 439 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,047 Marge deserves a fresh start. 440 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,595 I'd like to file for... 441 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,055 divorce. 442 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,060 These things happen. Eight dollars. 443 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:25,687 Only three cavities, Bart. 444 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,397 Your best checkup ever. 445 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,399 I'm going to make you my specialty-- 446 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,567 Butterscotch chicken. 447 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:31,777 HOMER: Marge? 448 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,529 Can you come in here? 449 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,531 We need to talk. 450 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,664 ALL: Surprise! 451 00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:44,665 (gasping) 452 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:47,668 Surprise. 453 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,131 Marge, will you marry me? 454 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,174 Why, am I pregnant? 455 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,342 No. 456 00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,678 It's a second wedding, honey. 457 00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,639 Our first one was so crummy, I had to make it up to you. 458 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:02,724 I really love you. 459 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,601 Oh, Homey. 460 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:06,103 I know you love me. 461 00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,896 We don't need to get married again. 462 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,189 Yes, we do. 463 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,150 I got us a divorce this afternoon. 464 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,609 What?! 465 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,570 I didn't want a hokey second wedding 466 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,446 like those ones on TV. 467 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,739 This one is for real. 468 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,616 I want our marriage to be perfect 469 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:20,909 right from the start 470 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,287 so we don't end up like Kirk and Luann. 471 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,122 We never will. 472 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,001 Dearly beloved-- 473 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,502 Wait. 474 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,172 I want one last chance to enjoy single life. 475 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:35,632 (belches) 476 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:36,633 Okay, ready. 477 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,634 I will now 478 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,636 read these special vows 479 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,098 which Homer has prepared for this occasion. 480 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,850 "Do you, Marge, take Homer 481 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:48,770 in richness and in poorness," "Poorness" is underlined-- 482 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:52,024 "In impotence and in potence 483 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,650 "In quiet solitude 484 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,403 "Or blasting across the Alkali Flats 485 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,406 in a jet-powered, monkey-navigated..." 486 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:00,741 And it goes on like this. 487 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:02,451 It doesn't matter. 488 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,203 All I want to know is 489 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,623 will you make me the luckiest guy in the world... 490 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:08,957 again? 491 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,959 I will. 492 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,379 Oh, Homey, of course I will. 493 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,423 Come on, you stupid... (grunts) 494 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,010 By the power vested in me 495 00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:23,555 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 496 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,686 It's the most perfect wedding 497 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,480 I could ever ask for. 498 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:34,066 You've even got a hip rock 'n' roll combo. 499 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,860 Okay, everybody, who likes the Doobie Brothers? 500 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,446 'Cause we've got one of them. 501 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:41,365 ♪♪ (soft jazz music) 502 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,245 What a wonderful evening. 503 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:50,249 A magical way for two people to renew their love. 504 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,252 Marge is right. 505 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,463 I-I've got something I'd like to say. 506 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,590 Would you guys do a favor for a guy in love? 507 00:20:58,674 --> 00:20:59,841 -Sure. -Yeah. 508 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,677 That's why we're here. 509 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,011 KIRK: Hi, everybody. 510 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:04,263 Hi. 511 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,931 And hit it! 512 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:09,768 ♪♪ (upbeat romantic pop playing) 513 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:17,442 ♪ Can I borrow a feeling? ♪ 514 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:21,530 ♪ Could you lend me a jar of love? ♪ 515 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:25,325 ♪ Hurtin' hearts need some healing ♪ 516 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:30,205 ♪ Take my hand with your glove of love ♪ 517 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,791 ♪♪ (romantic pop playing) 518 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,670 How about it, Luann? 519 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,714 Will you marry me... again? 520 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,173 Ooh, no. 521 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,174 Ohh... 522 00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:42,592 Well... 523 00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:44,553 Uh, can I have my shirts back, at least? 524 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,054 Okay, you heard the lady. 525 00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,597 Why don't you take it outside, all right? 526 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:50,183 Uh, I'll be back. 527 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,312 KIRK: Prob-probably. 528 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:56,023 ♪♪ 529 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,945 ♪♪ 530 00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:41,068 Shh! 531 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:46,573 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.