1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,510 D'oh! 3 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:11,553 -Ahh! -(tires screech) 4 00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:16,182 (honking) 5 00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:28,695 {\an8}SMITHERS: Testing. Testing for Mr. Burns. 6 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:30,905 {\an8}Here you go, Sir. I've warmed up the crowd for you. 7 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,616 {\an8}Welcome, employees! 8 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,910 {\an8}Come in. 9 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,163 {\an8}The whole night's entertainment is on me. 10 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,458 {\an8}Monty Burns! 11 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:44,586 {\an8}(cheering) 12 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,379 {\an8}ANNOUNCER (on PA): Welcome, welcome, welcome 13 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,006 {\an8}to an evening of exciting quarter-mile 14 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,050 {\an8}action, action, action. 15 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,969 {\an8}Our first race is a benefit for daredevil Lance Murdock 16 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,513 {\an8}Murdock, Murdock, who's hospitalized 17 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,516 {\an8}with cirrhosis of the liver, liver, liver. 18 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,851 {\an8}CROWD: Yay! 19 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,227 {\an8}All right, liver! 20 00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,065 {\an8}Boy, it sure would be fun 21 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,025 {\an8}to car-pool in one of those, huh, kids? 22 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,069 {\an8}I'd be a real hot-rod mama, wouldn't I? 23 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,528 {\an8}Huh? Huh? 24 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,821 {\an8}You missed the race, Mama. 25 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,991 {\an8}Hmm. I wish I'd pay more attention. 26 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,080 {\an8}Smithers, this beer isn't working. 27 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,123 {\an8}I don't feel any younger or funkier. 28 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,000 {\an8}I'll switch to the tablespoon, Sir. 29 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,376 {\an8}ANNOUNCER (on PA): Coming up next 30 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:26,753 {\an8}our feature race: 31 00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,463 {\an8}The Nuclear Power Plant Championship! 32 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:29,964 {\an8}Plant, plant. 33 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,049 {\an8}Ah, at last! 34 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:33,760 {\an8}Smithers, fetch the bi-oculars. 35 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:38,973 Ooh, damnation! 36 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,058 Tell them to go slower. 37 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,142 Yes, Sir. 38 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,772 Hi, guys, can we keep it in first gear 39 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:46,856 for a couple laps? 40 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,822 Go! Go! 41 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:55,990 Slow down. 42 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,871 BURNS: Excellent. 43 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:12,132 Oh, this novelty foam hand is ludicrously oversized. 44 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,175 Go swap it for a smaller one. 45 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,969 It is a bit ostentatious, Sir. 46 00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:16,928 I'll be right back. 47 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,141 Hey, Burnsie! 48 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,309 Ha! This was some swell shindig. 49 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:24,519 Thank you very much. 50 00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:25,687 Smithers, what's happening?! 51 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,021 I had a great time. 52 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,315 I just want to shake your hand. 53 00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:33,194 (mumbling) You're the greatest. 54 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:34,612 Smithers, help! 55 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,739 Doesn't seem as funny to me, but what do I know? 56 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:37,782 BURNS: Smithers! 57 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,785 Oh, my God! 58 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,706 Yah. 59 00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:45,999 (yelling) 60 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:49,752 You should have seen 61 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,963 the murderous glint in his eye, Smithers, 62 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:55,466 and his breath reeked of beer and pretzeled bread. 63 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:58,052 I'm so sorry, Mr. Burns. This was all my fault. 64 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,679 Don't concern yourself. 65 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:02,932 If things had turned ugly, I always had my mace. 66 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,518 Don't let me off the hook that easily, Sir. 67 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,812 I failed you and I'll never forgive myself. 68 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:10,732 Never! Never! Never! Never! Never! 69 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,402 (phone ringing) 70 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,529 SMITHERS: Never! Never! Never! 71 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,451 Good morning, Sir. 72 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,161 To make up for my failure last night 73 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,913 I've alphabetized your breakfast. 74 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,581 You can start with the waffles 75 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,665 and work your way up to the Zwieback, 76 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:28,708 and to prevent newsprint 77 00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,126 from rubbing off on your hands 78 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,128 I've laminated today's newspaper. 79 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,463 I appreciate the thought 80 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,881 but my pen won't write on this. 81 00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,716 How am I supposed to do the Junior Jumble? 82 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:41,346 Oh! I can't even grovel properly. 83 00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:42,889 I'm a buffoon! 84 00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:45,266 I don't deserve to live on your planet anymore! 85 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,685 (crashing) 86 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:51,272 (gurgling) 87 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,315 (gasps) 88 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,859 Pull yourself together, man. 89 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,903 I daresay you're in need of a long vacation. 90 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,738 No! Don't make me take a vacation! 91 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,241 Without you, I'll wither and die! 92 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,243 That's a risk I'm willing to take. 93 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,953 But what would you do without me, Sir? 94 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,287 (scoffs) I'm not a baby 95 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,414 who needs a nursemaid to burp me. 96 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,415 (burps) 97 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,541 You see? 98 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,085 Now, I insist you take a vacation 99 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,461 just as soon as 100 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,546 a temporary substitute can be found. 101 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,006 Yeesh! 102 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,888 I've got to find a replacement who won't outshine me. 103 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,182 Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations 104 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,102 for the word "incompetent." 105 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,229 -(beeps) -714 names? 106 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,231 Better be more specific. 107 00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:36,067 "Lazy," "clumsy," 108 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,986 "dim-witted," 109 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,405 "monstrously ugly." 110 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,157 Aw, nuts to this. 111 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,325 I'll just go get Homer Simpson. 112 00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:47,287 HOMER: I think Smithers picked me 113 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,830 because of my motivational skills. 114 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,331 Everyone always says 115 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,041 they have to work a lot harder when I'm around. 116 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,793 You know, Dad, assisting Mr. Burns 117 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,712 could give your career a real shot in the arm. 118 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,547 You know, Homer, assisting Mr. Burns 119 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,674 could give your career a real shot in the arm. 120 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,551 Mom, I just said that. 121 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,219 Sor-ry! 122 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,763 Next time, get your own darned corn. 123 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:08,099 {\an8}Um, is this the chair I'll be sitting on? 124 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,309 Yeah. 125 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,476 Now, I realize caring for Mr. Burns 126 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,020 seems like a big job 127 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,272 but actually, it's 2,800 small jobs. 128 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,190 Uh-huh, but this is the chair, right? 129 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,818 Your new duties will include answering Mr. Burns' phone 130 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:21,195 preparing his tax return, moistening his eyeballs, 131 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:22,864 assisting with his chewing and swallowing, 132 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:25,074 lying to congress and some light typing. 133 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,284 (phone ringing) 134 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,327 Montgomery Burns' office. 135 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,786 Oh, hello, Mrs. Burns. 136 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,538 I'll see if your son is available. 137 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,165 Mr. Burns has a mother?! 138 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:34,375 She must be a hundred million years old! 139 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,210 She has limited capacities. 140 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,837 All she can do is dial and yell. 141 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,339 I'm sorry. 142 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,382 Monty can't come to the phone right now. 143 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,092 He's in a very important meeting 144 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,594 and can't be disturbed. 145 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:50,350 Uh-huh. 146 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,018 Okay, I'll give him the message. 147 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,145 Mr. Burns can't stand talking to his mother. 148 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,605 He never forgave her 149 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,815 for having that affair with President Taft. 150 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,192 (chuckling) 151 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,110 Taft, you old dog. 152 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,031 Really, Smithers. 153 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,657 I'll be fine. 154 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:07,950 I'm sure your replacement 155 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,827 will be able to handle everything. 156 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,162 Who is he anyway? 157 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,455 Uh, Homer Simpson, Sir. 158 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,582 One of your organ banks from sector 7G. 159 00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,876 All the recent events of your life 160 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,295 have revolved around him in some way. 161 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,047 Simpson, eh? 162 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:23,591 HOMER: Uh, Mr. Smithers? 163 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:26,344 I don't understand 2,700 of my new duties. 164 00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,887 Well, the van's leaving. 165 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,514 Which one duty is giving you the most trouble? 166 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,224 Um... 167 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,434 What do I do in case of fire? 168 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,520 (muffled) Sorry. Can't hear you. Bye! 169 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,235 (crackling) 170 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:45,029 Aw. Just my luck. 171 00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:53,329 (panting) 172 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,497 (gasping) Good Lord, Smithers, 173 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,748 you look atrocious! 174 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,333 I thought I told you to take a vacation. 175 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,168 Uh, Smithers already left, Sir. 176 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,295 I'm his replacement, Homer Simpson. 177 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,964 Ah, yes, Simpson. 178 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,757 I'll have my lunch now. 179 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,176 A single pillow of shredded wheat 180 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,220 some steamed toast, and a dodo egg. 181 00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:10,430 But I think the dodo went extinct. 182 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,473 Get going! And answer those phones, 183 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,851 install the computer system, and rotate my office 184 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,144 so the window faces the hills. 185 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:19,897 Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. 186 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,400 Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff 187 00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:25,695 where you said all about the things? 188 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,280 Uh, the things? 189 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:29,991 (quiet snarl) 190 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,495 (alarm buzzes) 191 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,667 (grunting) 192 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,961 Lousy two-legged pants. 193 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,714 {\an8}Homie, it's 4:30 in the morning. 194 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,466 {\an8}Little Rascals isn't on till 6:00. 195 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,050 I know. I'm taping it. 196 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,385 I want to get to Mr. Burns' house 197 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,803 bright and early to make his breakfast. 198 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,222 Mm, poor Homie. 199 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,432 Poor, poor... 200 00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:56,642 (snoring) 201 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:04,901 Hmm... 202 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,069 One of these must be a breakfast-maker. 203 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,573 Well, it's my job to cook him breakfast 204 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,783 and I'm gonna cook the best damn breakfast 205 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,076 he ever ate. 206 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,250 Hmm... 207 00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:26,422 Hmm... 208 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:31,302 (groans) 209 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,725 Doughnuts? 210 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,353 I told you I don't like ethnic food! 211 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,355 Here. Tell me how my stocks did yesterday. 212 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,774 Uh... 213 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,234 They all won. 214 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,860 Hm? What about my options? 215 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,779 Well, you can either get up or go back to sleep. 216 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,531 I believe I'll get up. 217 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,949 (brush scrubbing) 218 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,367 BURNS: Scrub harder. 219 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,451 Got to get that layer of dead skin off. 220 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,536 HOMER: Ugh. 221 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,750 I think... the fangs today. 222 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,800 BURNS: Simpson? 223 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,051 Simpson? 224 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,388 Did you get that report 225 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:16,597 on the accounting department? 226 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,266 Yes Sir, I did. 227 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,851 "The accounting department is located on the third floor. 228 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,396 "Its hours are 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. 229 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:27,233 The head of this department is a Mr. Johnson or Johnstone." 230 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,069 Here are your messages. 231 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,196 "You have 30 minutes to move your car." 232 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,698 "You have ten minutes." 233 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,741 "Your car has been impounded." 234 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,077 "Your car has been crushed into a cube." 235 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,829 "You have 30 minutes to move your cube." 236 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,038 (phone rings) 237 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,039 Yeah-lo, Mr. Burns' office. 238 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,666 Is it about my cube? 239 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,793 It's Mr. Smithers. He's calling for you. 240 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,461 How's everything going there, Sir? 241 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,131 I have a lot of free time on my hands. 242 00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,591 If you Fed-Ex me your mail, 243 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,551 I'd be happy to open it and return it to you. 244 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,344 Everything's fine, Smithers. 245 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,347 This Simpson fellow seems to be getting dumber by the minute. 246 00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,557 I've never seen anything quite like it. 247 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,684 Anyhoo, you just enjoy your vacation. 248 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,436 (groans) 249 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:06,314 (snoring) 250 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,648 Look alive, Simpson! 251 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,442 I'm not paying you to goldbrick! 252 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:10,776 Yes! Yes, Sir... 253 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,194 Now get cracking on my long division 254 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,654 and don't forget to show your work, Simpson. 255 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:15,197 I'll have it on your desk in the morning, Sir. 256 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,074 Bart, leave Simpson alone. 257 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,036 (whispering) Simpson, I need a ride to the library. 258 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,079 Kids, stop exploiting your father. 259 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,790 Homie, why don't you lie down and relax? 260 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,459 No time, Marge. 261 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,961 I think Mr. Burns wants me to do some long division. 262 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,630 Simpson! Lie down! 263 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:33,841 Sorry, but you need a good night's rest. 264 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:34,967 (sighing) 265 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,344 (bell clanging) 266 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,887 BURNS: Simpson! 267 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:42,767 (bell tinkling) 268 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,310 (panting) 269 00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:46,604 The telephone's been ringing for some time. 270 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:47,730 Answer it. 271 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:49,940 Yello? 272 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,318 It's for you. 273 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,361 ♪ Relax... ♪ 274 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:54,862 Mr. Burns-- 48 rings. 275 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:55,946 Are you all right? 276 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,323 What did Simpson do to you? 277 00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,158 Oh, nothing other than drive me to distraction 278 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,576 with his incompetent boobery. 279 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,496 Terrible at everything. A complete moron! 280 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:04,914 (whispering) But I'm not really free 281 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,582 to talk right now. 282 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,585 Now look, stop calling me and start enjoying your vacation. 283 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,796 Remember, I want to see lots of pictures 284 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:12,880 when you get back. 285 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,965 Actually, sir, picture-taking 286 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,093 is not allowed at this particular resort. 287 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,552 Oop. I got to go now. 288 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:21,055 There's a line forming behind me. 289 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,893 (shuddering) 290 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,230 (yelps) 291 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,523 60 watts! 292 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,525 What do you think this is? A tanning salon? 293 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:35,319 I asked for light starch on my night cap. 294 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,446 (yelling) 295 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,115 You call this Postum? 296 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,617 You call this a tax return? 297 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,869 You call this a super computer? 298 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:47,623 -(grunting) -D'oh! Ow! 299 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,042 (yelling) You're a travesty of a joke of an assistant! 300 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,836 (whimpering) 301 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:55,131 (yelling) 302 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,260 (clock ticking) 303 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,307 (whimpering) 304 00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,518 (shrieks) 305 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:10,104 (gasping) 306 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,398 Is there something wrong, Homie? 307 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,150 No. 308 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,651 Except? 309 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,278 Except... 310 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,363 I killed Mr. Burns! 311 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,115 What happened, Dad? 312 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,617 I punched Burns right in his 104-year-old face. 313 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,994 Are you sure he's dead? 314 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,287 Maybe you just really, really hurt him. 315 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:29,373 Okay. Maybe everything's all right. 316 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,710 Maybe if you go apologize, he won't even fire you. 317 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,003 If he's alive. 318 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,468 Mr. Burns? 319 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,846 (raspy breathing) 320 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,477 -(gasps) -(screams) 321 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,188 I'm really sorry I hit you, Mr. Burns. 322 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:54,565 Here-- let me put some salt on that eye. 323 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,817 No, please! I can't bear another thrashing. 324 00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,068 Just leave me be. 325 00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,320 Y-Yes, Sir. 326 00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:04,200 Must call Smithers. 327 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,243 He'll protect me from this beast. 328 00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:09,205 I've seen people activate this machine a thousand times. 329 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,165 Doesn't seem to be any trick to it. 330 00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,541 Let's see-- Smithers. 331 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:16,462 S-m-i-t-h-e-r-s. 332 00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:17,463 (ringing) 333 00:13:17,546 --> 00:13:18,923 Success! It's ringing! 334 00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,674 Moe's Tavern. 335 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,009 I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers. 336 00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,594 First name, Waylon. 337 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:28,057 Oh, so you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? 338 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,267 First name, Waylon, is it? 339 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,478 Listen to me, you! When I catch you 340 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:35,147 I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove them down your pants 341 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,650 so you can watch me kick the crap out of you. Okay?! 342 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,777 Then I'm going to use your tongue to paint my boat. 343 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,325 Oh, Smithers if only you could hear me. 344 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,286 (gasps) 345 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,830 Something tells me Mr. Burns needs me. 346 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,124 (shouting) 347 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,210 Praise God. I think the thug 348 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,837 has finally gone home for the day. 349 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,505 Now I can make my escape. 350 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,466 (yelps) 351 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,385 Hi, Mr. Burns. You want your coffee now? 352 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,346 Uh, no, I'm, uh... making it myself. 353 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:08,514 (rattling) 354 00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:09,890 Hear that? 355 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,934 The percolations are imminent. 356 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,310 No need to come in. 357 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,895 Cease your ingress. 358 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:15,980 (nervous laugh) 359 00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,022 (sighs) 360 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,567 (knocking) 361 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,151 Stay back, Homer. 362 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,528 Approach no further. Coffee's already made. 363 00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:24,572 I stomped the beans myself. 364 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,283 Well, can I at least drive you home, Mr. Burns? 365 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,159 -It's 5:00. -No! I thought, uh-- 366 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,287 I thought I'd chauffeur myself this evening. 367 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,913 Yes, that's what I thought. 368 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,331 How difficult could it be? 369 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,041 I'm sure the manual will indicate 370 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:39,962 which lever is the velocitator and which the deceleratrix, hmm? 371 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,089 I can't believe it. 372 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:45,718 All my life I've avoided doing things for myself... 373 00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:47,094 but I'm actually enjoying this. 374 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,554 Plus, I'm making incredible time. 375 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:49,638 (honking) 376 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,181 Beep beep! Out of my way! 377 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,182 I'm a motorist. 378 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:54,101 (screeching) 379 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,562 That's some nice reckless driving, Mr. B. 380 00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,274 Would you like me to shred 381 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,192 those environmental reports for you, Sir? 382 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,278 Already taken care of. 383 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:05,696 (chuckling) 384 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,239 Cappuccino, Simpson? 385 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,616 (phone rings) 386 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,326 Ahoy-hoy? 387 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,077 No. You have the wrong number. 388 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,079 This is 5-2-4-6. 389 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,875 I suspect you need more practice working your telephone machine. 390 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,336 Not at all. Ahoy. 391 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,047 Mr. Burns, is there anything at all I can do for you? 392 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,632 No, Homer. 393 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:27,259 You've already done more for me than any man. 394 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,220 Your brutal attack forced me to fend for myself. 395 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,681 I realize now that being waited on hand and foot 396 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,642 is okay for your average Joe, 397 00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,393 but it's not for me. 398 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,020 I want to thank you. 399 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:40,898 Thank you. 400 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,442 Thank you. Thank you. 401 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,235 Oh, my God. 402 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,695 I knew I shouldn't have left. 403 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,822 Ah, welcome back, Smithers. 404 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,491 Say, do you know Homer Simpson? 405 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:51,492 He pitched in around the office 406 00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,077 while you were away. 407 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,828 Bang-up job, Simpson, but I guess it's back 408 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,705 to your trusty post in sector 7G. 409 00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,290 (sighs) 410 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,084 You heard the man, Simpson. 411 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,210 Ahh. 412 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,087 And my dear, dear Smithers 413 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,422 You're no longer needed at all. 414 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,091 You're fired. Ta! 415 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,095 You shouldn't have gone away on vacation. 416 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,643 (gobbling) 417 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,856 Cheer up, Homie. 418 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,484 I just feel terrible about getting Mr. Smithers fired. 419 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,403 That job was all he had. 420 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,238 Imagine how you'd feel, Marge 421 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,657 if you got fired from the... 422 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:34,159 those things that... you do. 423 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,745 Quick, Mom, whip up a cake before Dad fires you. 424 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,080 Don't worry, Dad. 425 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,832 Mr. Smithers is a resilient man. 426 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,584 I'm sure he can get a great job at any corporation he wants. 427 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,469 SMITHERS: Meet your new piano mover. 428 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,929 (groaning) 429 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,222 Now, we're gonna have to put 430 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:56,765 a steel rod where your spine was. 431 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,726 Will I ever move a piano again? 432 00:16:58,809 --> 00:16:59,977 (laughing) 433 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,104 Oh, my goodness gracious, no. 434 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,230 SMITHERS (on PA): Get ready for exciting quarter-mile action 435 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,024 at the Springfield Dragstrip. 436 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,776 It'll be motorized mayhem, mayhem, mayhem... 437 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,445 (lowers voice) Do we need all those "mayhems"? 438 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,321 We do? All right, fair enough. 439 00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,948 I suppose you know your business. 440 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,325 (loudly) Get ready for fun, fun, fun! 441 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,494 (softly) The people are already here. 442 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,497 We don't need to keep hustling them like this, do we? 443 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,832 Let go of me! 444 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,709 Where are you throwing me?! 445 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:26,253 Uh... hello, 446 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:27,755 is that a "help wanted" sign in the window? 447 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,298 Uh, yeah. I need someone to help me 448 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,632 with the midnight beer delivery. 449 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,551 Your job is to distract Barney 450 00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,887 until it's safely off the truck. 451 00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,847 I'll just wait out back until then. 452 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,515 I look forward to working with you. 453 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,434 Mr. Smithers, wait. 454 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:43,228 You can't let yourself end up in a place like this. 455 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,897 You've got two choices. 456 00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,984 You can give up on yourself and take the Barney-guarding job 457 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,986 like so many of us have contemplated 458 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,362 in our darkest moments, 459 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,114 or you can admit to yourself 460 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,825 there's only one person that can make you happy 461 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,161 and do whatever it takes to get them back! 462 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,496 You're right. 463 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,331 But I'm gonna need your help. 464 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,332 (clock strikes) 465 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:06,001 Oh, my God! 466 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,045 TRUCK DRIVER: Beer delivery. Just sign here. 467 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,588 Oh, no! It's you! 468 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:10,589 (loud crashing) 469 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:11,840 (Barney laughing) 470 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:12,925 -DRIVER: Hey! -BARNEY: Oh, boy! 471 00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,259 DRIVER: Give me that! 472 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,180 (metal clattering) 473 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:19,515 (loud burp) 474 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,063 Okay, I got you covered. 475 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:29,983 Mr. Burns may have mastered 2,799 of my 2,800 duties, 476 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,902 but I'll wager dollars to doughnuts 477 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,904 he still can't handle a call from his mother. 478 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:34,863 You're on. 479 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,242 (phone ringing) 480 00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,077 What? 481 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,078 Hello, Mrs. Burns? 482 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,663 This is Waylon Smithers. 483 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,581 I have your son Montgomery on the line. 484 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:47,042 That improvident lackwit. 485 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,545 Always too busy striding about his atom mill 486 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,672 to call his own mother. 487 00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:54,508 I'll give him what-fors till he cries brassafrax! 488 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,720 (chuckling) Perfect. When I give the signal 489 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,556 you transfer the call to Mr. Burns. 490 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,766 After she tears into him, I'll rush in and save the day. 491 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,767 Got it. 492 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:10,023 I'm transferring a call in to you, Mr. Burns. 493 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,067 BURNS: No problemo. 494 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,068 Uh... 495 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,069 ooh. 496 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,988 Um... 497 00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:17,156 -(dial tone) -Uh-oh. 498 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,157 BURNS: Ahoy-hoy? 499 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,241 Hoy? 500 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,911 (in falsetto) Hello, Mr. Burns. 501 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,288 This is your mother. 502 00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:26,331 (whispering) No! 503 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:27,332 Ugh... 504 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,959 Oh, hello, mater. 505 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:32,337 Um... sorry about pulling the plug on you and all. 506 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,673 Who could have known you'd pull through and... 507 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:37,176 live for another five decades? 508 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,303 Ooh, is my face red. 509 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:41,722 (whispering) Mrs. Burns is 122 years old 510 00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:43,473 so try to sound more desiccated. 511 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,226 And she doesn't call her son "Mr. Burns." 512 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,980 (cracking falsetto) Son, this is Mrs. Burns. 513 00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:54,234 I just called to say I don't love you. 514 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:56,403 You are a bad son, Mon... tel. 515 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:57,404 So... 516 00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:58,655 (screams) 517 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,991 Impersonate my mother, will you? 518 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,994 And you, Smithers, you must have put him up to it. 519 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:05,537 I'm glad I fired you. 520 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,666 You really blew it this time, Smithers. 521 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:10,751 (yells) 522 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,715 Stop that! Stop that at once! 523 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:17,841 You're fighting! 524 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:22,429 Stop fighting like a girl, Simpson. 525 00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,139 (grunting) Okay. 526 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,310 Heh-heh-heh. 527 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:31,855 (screams) 528 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,150 Stop it! Stop it, I say! 529 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:42,491 I'll teach you how to use a phone, you boob! 530 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,575 D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! 531 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,576 It's for you. 532 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,535 D'oh! 533 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,460 I'll show you! (growling) 534 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:54,878 (chortling) 535 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,838 Ow! 536 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,550 (screaming) 537 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,344 (thudding) 538 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,637 Oh, my... 539 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:10,018 Here comes the endangered condor 540 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,019 into the power lines. 541 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,230 Mmm. Mmm, mmm. 542 00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:14,940 I've got Bobo hot from the dryer. 543 00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:16,441 Careful not to burn yourself on his eye. 544 00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,360 I don't need you to do any of this. 545 00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:21,405 I'm totally self-reliant now. 546 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:23,156 What I would like, though, is a Spanish peanut. 547 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,994 Skin? 548 00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,121 Mmm. Mmm. 549 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:30,789 It's a remarkable thing. 550 00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,582 In the short time you were gone 551 00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:36,420 I learned to be completely self-reli... 552 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:37,921 ...ant. 553 00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,589 Oh, and as for that brutish fellow 554 00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:42,301 who knocked me out the window, 555 00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,386 see that he gets what's coming to him. 556 00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,513 I already have, Sir. 557 00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:48,598 What'd you get that for? 558 00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:50,684 For knocking Mr. Burns out of a third-story window. 559 00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:51,768 Makes sense to me. 560 00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:53,020 Did he die? 561 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:55,314 What am I, a doctor? 562 00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:03,739 ♪♪ 563 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,779 Shh! 564 00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:49,076 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.