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{\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪
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D'oh!
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-Ahh!
-(tires screech)
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{\an8}♪♪ (fife and drum)
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{\an8}NARRATOR: 1796.
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{\an8}A fiercely determined band
of pioneers leaves Maryland
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{\an8}after misinterpreting
a passage in the Bible.
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00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,463
{\an8}Their destination:
New Sodom.
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{\an8}This is their story.
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{\an8}This is going
to be great.
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{\an8}I hope they show the time
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{\an8}where they traded guns
to the Indians for corn.
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{\an8}And then the Indians shot
them and took the corn.
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{\an8}Egad, a monster!
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{\an8}It's a horrible fiend!
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{\an8}It's some sort of land cow!
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{\an8}Stand back,
fellow settlers.
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{\an8}(grunting)
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{\an8}(cheering)
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{\an8}Ye've saved our
fledgling community.
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{\an8}Mr. Springfield
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{\an8}how can I hope
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{\an8}to achieve
such greatness?
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{\an8}A noble spirit embiggens
the smallest man.
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{\an8}(cheering)
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{\an8}Springfield rules!
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{\an8}Way to go, Springfield.
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{\an8}"Embiggens?"
Hm, I never heard that word
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{\an8}before I moved to Springfield.
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{\an8}I don't know why.
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{\an8}It's a perfectly
cromulent word.
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Now, you all know
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Springfield's 200th birthday
is only a week away.
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Every class will do its part
to make our local Bicentennial
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just as memorable
as our national Bicentennial.
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Of course, you children
are too young to remember that
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with the possible exception
of Kearney.
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Those tall ships really lifted
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the nation's spirits
after Watergate.
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To celebrate our Bicentennial
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all 20 of you
will write an essay
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about Jebediah Springfield.
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And the best 18
will be put on file
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in the school library
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available to anyone
who requests them.
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Can we do illustrations?
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No.
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Hey...
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they need volunteers
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to play old-timey people
in the parade.
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Look, I can be a butter churner,
a typhoid carrier...
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an apprentice.
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I think I'll be
an apprentice, Marge.
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What kind
of apprentice?
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That's for my master
to decide.
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How about town crier?
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You'd be great at that.
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Do you think so?
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Well, yeah, Dad, you're
a big fat loudmouth.
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And you can walk
when you have to.
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Well, if you kids
believe in me that much,
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I'll give it my best shot.
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(door creaking)
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{\an8}Dangerous river crossings
threatened life and limb
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{\an8}but helped our founding fathers
save on bridge tolls.
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(coughing)
Excuse me.
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I didn't mean
to startle you
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but I do love
to talk Jebediah.
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Even when I'm
drinking my chicory.
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I'm the curator,
Hollis Hurlbut.
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Hi. I'm Lisa Simpson.
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I'm here to research
a report on Jebediah.
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Oh, you're in for a treat.
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You know, some historians
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consider Jebediah Springfield
a minor patriot.
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But I think you'll find
he's easily the equal
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of William Dawes
or even Samuel Otis.
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Congratulations, Ned.
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-You are our new town crier.
-D'oh!
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May your shrill nasal voice
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ring throughout our streets
and brains.
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Thankily-dank, Mayor.
I shan't disappoint.
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Har ye, har ye.
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I declare myself
pickled tink
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about Springfield's
bicen-ciddily
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ti-ten-toodily-
rin-tin-tennial...
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day.
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You su-diddily-uck, Flanders.
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Give me that.
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Hear ye, hear ye.
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Ye olde town crier
proclaimed crappy by all.
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Chooseth Homer Simpson
and he shalt rock thy world.
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Good God, he is fabulous.
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He's embiggened that role
with his cromulent performance.
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Top notch criering, I admit.
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But the hat and bell
belong to Flanders,
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so no dice.
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Oh-ho-ho, they're just
family heirlooms.
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That shouldn't stand in the way
of Homer taking my job.
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Less chat, more hat.
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-(fabric ripping)
-Woo-hoo!
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Hear ye, hear ye.
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The Homer Broadcasting System
is on the air.
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All hollering, all the time.
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I'm going to make...
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You're to restrict
your criering to the parade
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and selected pre-approved
publicity events.
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Okay.
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This case holds
our most treasured exhibit.
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Objects owned and
used by Jebediah.
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Here's his fife
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upon which he sounded
the sweet note of freedom.
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His hatchet,
which he hacked
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at the chains of oppression,
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and his...
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chamber pot.
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Wow!
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(bell dings)
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Excuse me, my microwave
Johnnycakes are ready.
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(sputtering)
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(plays shrill note)
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(gasps)
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"The secret confessions
of Jebediah Springfield"?
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"Know ye who read this
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there is more to my life
than history records..."
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Firstly, I did not tame
the legendary buffalo.
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It was already tame.
I merely shot it.
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Secondly, I have not always
been known
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as Jebediah Springfield.
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Until 1796,
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I was Hans Sprungfeld,
murderous pirate.
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And the half-wits of this town
will never learn the truth.
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(evil cackling)
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"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."
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Oh, my God!
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Our town hero is a fraud.
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"I write this confession
so that my infamy will live on
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long after my body has succumbed
to my infectious diphtheria."
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Ew.
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(yells)
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Ugh. Agh. Ugh. Agh.
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HOLLIS: Here's Johnnycakes.
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Is everything okay?
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You look a bit flushed.
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Oh, it's just
the excitement
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of studying Jebediah.
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Sounds like
you've come down
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with a serious case
of "Jebeditis."
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Just when I was getting over
my "Chester A. Arthritis."
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(both chuckling)
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You had arthritis?
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Um... no.
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(bell ringing)
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Hear ye, hear ye!
What's for breakfast?
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Toast.
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I don't understand thee, Marge.
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Hmm. Ye olde toast.
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Ooh!
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{\an8}What would you say
if I told you
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{\an8}that Jebediah Springfield
wasn't as great
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{\an8}as he's cracked
up to be? Look.
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Jebediah was really
a vicious pirate
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named Hans Sprungfeld.
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His tongue was bitten off
by a Turk
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in a grog house fight.
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No tongue, eh?
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How did he talk
and eat and laugh and love?
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He had a prosthetic tongue
made out of silver.
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Yes. That'd do.
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He was one of the
evilest men of the 1780s.
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He even tried to kill
George Washington.
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The dastard!
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Give me all your money.
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Never!
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(laughing)
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(both grunting)
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Ooh! Ow!
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I got the white
stars you wanted
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but I couldn't find
any red hearts
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yellow moons or
green clovers.
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Well, I'll use it,
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but I'm not paying for it.
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{\an8}The next time Hans
Sprungfeld was seen
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{\an8}he had changed his name
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to Jebediah Springfield.
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Lisa, honey,
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when my family first
came to this state,
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they had a choice of living
in Springfield or Stenchburg.
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You know why they
chose Springfield?
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Because everyone knows
Jebediah Springfield
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was a true American hero,
end of story!
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I believe you, honey.
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You do?
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Of course I do.
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You're always right
about this type of thing
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and for once, I want in
on the ground floor.
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Oh, thanks, Dad.
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Ralph, "A," Janey, "A,"
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and Lisa, for your--
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(clearing throat)
essay,
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"Jebediah Springfield:
Super Fraud," "F."
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But it's all true.
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Ah! This is nothing
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but dead-white-male bashing
from a P.C. thug.
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It's women like you
who keep the rest of us
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00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,049
from landing a husband.
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00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:12,593
Well, nice talking to you.
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00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,178
(sobbing)
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(door slams)
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Lisa?
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00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,894
Miss Hoover thought
I made the whole thing up.
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00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,647
She called me a P.C. thug.
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00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,857
I've been called
a greasy thug, too,
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00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,568
and it never stops
hurting,
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so here's what
we're going to do:
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00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,988
grease ourselves
up real good
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00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,657
and trash that place
with a baseball bat.
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00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,867
(sniffles)
That won't help, Dad.
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No one's ever gonna
believe me.
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But you have proof.
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We could go get
that confession
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out of Jebediah's fife.
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-We could?
-Come on.
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We can use the baseball bat
to smash open the case.
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-No baseball bat.
-Oh!
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00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,008
Hi, Mr. Hurlbut.
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00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,259
Oh, you're back.
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00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,469
And you've brought a friend.
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00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,305
Town Crier. I'd like
to ask you a few questions.
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00:09:57,388 --> 00:10:00,725
One: where's the fife,
and two: give me the fife.
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00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:01,809
Hey! Stop!
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00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:02,977
I've got nothing
but respect
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00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,312
for the office
of town crier
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00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,606
but this is well outside
your jurisdiction.
235
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:10,234
Oh, yeah? Well, put this
in your fife and smoke it.
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What the--
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That's Jebediah's
secret confession.
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It proves he was a fraud.
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00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,202
"The secret confession
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00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,622
"of Jebediah Springfield.
Know ye who reads..."
241
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,999
Oh. I think, Lisa, that
you've been taken in
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00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,626
by an obvious forgery.
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00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,045
Unfortunately, historical
research is plagued
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00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,463
by this sort of hoax--
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00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,131
the so-called
confession.
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It's just as phony as
the Howard Hughes will,
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00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,970
the Hitler diaries or
the Emancipation Retraction.
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00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:42,642
But it explains why there's no
record of Jebediah before 1795.
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00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,102
He was Hans Sprungfeld
until then.
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00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,854
That's preposterous.
251
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:48,564
Now, get out!
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00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,484
You're banned from
this historical society--
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00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:56,197
you and your children and
your children's children.
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00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,032
For three months.
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I'm not gonna give up.
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00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,250
I refuse to believe
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00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,877
that everyone refuses
to believe the truth.
258
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,760
I'd like 25 copies
on goldenrod, um,
259
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:21,347
25 on canary, 25 on saffron,
260
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,015
and 25 on paella.
261
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,142
Okay. 100 yellow.
262
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,686
{\an8}You don't have to
help me with this, Dad.
263
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,145
Oh, sure I do.
264
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,231
I always believe in
helping the little guy
265
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,400
and you're the
littlest guy I know.
266
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:34,568
Question:
Is your name Ridley Scott
267
00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:35,695
or James Cameron?
268
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:36,987
No, it's Homer.
269
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,322
Then I would thank you
270
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,324
to stop peering
at my screenplay, Homer.
271
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,201
If I see a movie
where computers
272
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,703
threaten our personal liberties,
273
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,204
I will know
that you stole my idea.
274
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:46,914
I'm just waiting for my kid.
275
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,165
HOMER'S BRAIN:
Mental note: steal his idea.
276
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:53,796
Hi, Apu.
277
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,297
Can I put this poster
in your window?
278
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,466
Well, of course you can,
you little pixie.
279
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,886
Ooh! You are just as sweet as
the stix which bear your name.
280
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,014
(gasping)
No, no, no.
281
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,015
No, no, no, no.
282
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,100
Take that down.
283
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:07,601
As a semi-legal immigrant,
284
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,979
your poster could land me
in a predicament
285
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,148
as red hot as the candies
which bear that name.
286
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,026
He wouldn't let
me put it up.
287
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,279
Okay. Well, that's
not gonna stop us.
288
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:20,990
I know a much better way
to get attention.
289
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,075
Hear ye, hear ye!
290
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,286
My daughter
has something to tell you
291
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:26,912
about Jebediah Springfield.
292
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,124
Aw! That little cutie
wants to do something cute.
293
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:32,376
Shut up, you bums, shut up!
294
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,920
Go ahead, angel.
295
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,255
(clearing throat)
296
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,923
Jebediah Springfield
was nothing more
297
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,467
than an evil,
bloodthirsty pirate
298
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,010
who hated this town.
299
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,929
Good God!
300
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,389
Homer,
you know I support
301
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:48,017
uh, most any prejudice
you can name
302
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,478
but your hero-phobia
sickens me.
303
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,438
You and your daughter
ain't welcome here no more.
304
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,106
Barney, show
them the exit.
305
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,649
There's an exit?
306
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,359
Evil bloodthirsty pirate...
307
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,653
Hello,
Town Jubilation Committee?
308
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:02,573
I got something that's going
to make you a lot less jubilant.
309
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,661
Can't you understand,
little girl?
310
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,413
Jebediah was no criminal.
311
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,248
That's right.
The reason they say
312
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,458
he had a silver tongue
313
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,668
is because he was
such a fine speaker.
314
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,962
That's a myth that got
mixed up with the truth.
315
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,840
You are tampering with
forces you can't understand.
316
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,467
We have major corporations
317
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,635
sponsoring this event.
318
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:23,719
I hope you know
319
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,221
you're sponsoring a celebration
320
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,388
for a murderous pirate.
321
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,723
A pirate?
322
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,558
Well, that's hardly
the image we want
323
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,768
for Long John Silver's.
324
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,480
Well, I see no way
of settling this.
325
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,648
I say we imprison them
326
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,733
for the duration
of our Bicentennial.
327
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,734
There is one way.
328
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,152
Get the silver tongue.
329
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,654
If Jebediah's
who I say he is
330
00:13:41,737 --> 00:13:43,489
then it should
still be in his grave.
331
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:44,907
(murmuring)
332
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:48,452
I guess, but human
decency prevents--
333
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,662
Dig him up!
334
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,622
Dig up that corpse!
335
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:54,250
If you really love
Jebediah Springfield
336
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,335
you'll haul his bones
out of the ground
337
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,087
to prove my daughter wrong.
338
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,548
(chanting) Dig up his grave.
Pull out his tongue.
339
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,341
Can't we have one meeting
that doesn't end
340
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,592
with us digging up a corpse?
341
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,359
Now, Lisa,
when you see
342
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,069
there's no silver tongue
in there,
343
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,530
will you stop trying
to ruin Jebediah's reputation?
344
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:25,906
Yes.
345
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,324
What do we win
if the tongue is there?
346
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:28,576
Credibility.
347
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:29,577
Ah, what a gyp.
348
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,291
(gasping)
349
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:41,797
Jebediah Springfield
350
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,424
has been replaced
with a skeleton.
351
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,051
No, that's the skeleton
of Jebediah.
352
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,846
Gotcha. Gotcha.
Okay, uh...
353
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,140
well, let's start
looking for that silver tongue.
354
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,725
{\an8}Don't forget to
look in his shoes.
355
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:54,018
When I lose something
356
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:55,144
sometimes it turns up
in my shoes.
357
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,437
Actually, if it's anywhere
358
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,980
it would be lodged
in the sinus.
359
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,024
(chuckles)
360
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,609
All right, here goes.
361
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:02,818
Forgive us, Jebediah.
362
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,320
We mean no disrespect.
363
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,865
(all gasping)
364
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,450
Well, that
settles that.
365
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:12,578
There is no silver tongue,
is there, Bonesy?
366
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,288
Oh, I wish, Chief.
367
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:16,123
With that kind of dough,
I could buy me some eyeballs.
368
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,207
(laughing)
369
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,959
That's the spirit, Bonesy.
370
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:19,960
Why don't you
sing a song
371
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,003
for the nice people?
372
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,004
All right.
373
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,297
(clears throat)
374
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,007
♪ Camptown ladies
sing this song ♪
375
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,801
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah... ♪
376
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,140
I was so sure.
377
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:34,266
Hear ye, hear ye.
378
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,726
Everybody
makes mistakes.
379
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:36,894
Let's go home.
380
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,729
Not so fast, Simpson.
381
00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:41,065
This foul business
was all your fault.
382
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:42,900
By the power
vested in me
383
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,819
I hereby strip you
of your ceremonial bell...
384
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:49,239
No! No!
385
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:52,284
and tricorner hat.
386
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,536
You will have the hat cleaned
and then return it.
387
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,878
Oh...
388
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,672
{\an8}Oh, Dad, I'm
really sorry.
389
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,924
{\an8}I know how much you wanted
to be in the parade.
390
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:08,717
Oh, it's not
your fault, honey.
391
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,261
I'm supposed to be
the responsible one.
392
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,806
I shouldn't have let you
let me get carried away.
393
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,027
(knocking)
394
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,240
Why did you dig up
the bones of the past?
395
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,201
Why did you disturb
the ghosts of history?
396
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:35,786
I-I-I...
397
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:36,745
(grunts)
398
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:41,458
General Washington?
399
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,920
You did some good work
exposing Jebediah, Lisa.
400
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,672
Don't stop now.
401
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,049
There's just one piece left
in the puzzle.
402
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,427
But I've caused so much trouble already,
General Washington,
403
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,220
I can't go on.
404
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,514
We had quitters
in the revolution too.
405
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,516
We called them Kentuckians.
406
00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,435
Well, I'll just have to find
407
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,395
another little girl
to be President.
408
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,564
What's your friend
Janey's number?
409
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,065
No! Not Janey!
410
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,483
She'll pack the Supreme Court
with boys.
411
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,778
Oh, let me help you,
George Washington.
412
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,697
I still want to help you.
413
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:15,325
"I want to help you,
George Washington"?
414
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,494
Even your dreams
are square.
415
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,834
Can you open my milk, Mommy?
416
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,419
I'm not Mommy, Ralph.
417
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,628
I'm Miss Hoover.
418
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,838
(laughing)
419
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,809
The missing piece of the puzzle.
420
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,061
I've got it!
421
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,489
You? What are you
doing here?
422
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:54,990
I was right
about Jebediah
423
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,742
and now I can prove it.
424
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,744
Oh, please,
not that claptrap again.
425
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,746
Haven't you hurt Jebediah enough
426
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,540
with your childish tales
of pirate ships and fisticuffs
427
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,834
and a silver tongue
that can't be found?
428
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,336
That's because you stole it.
429
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:08,587
That's a lie!
430
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,672
I'm an antiquarian, damn it!
431
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:13,133
It's my job
to seek out the truth.
432
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,886
But when you found the truth,
you couldn't take it.
433
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:19,139
You couldn't stand that you'd
devoted your life to a fraud
434
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,974
so you covered it up,
didn't you?
435
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,059
-Didn't you?
-No!
436
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:23,685
No! That's
preposterous.
437
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,145
I mean, I couldn't.
438
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,563
You-You can't.
439
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,606
Stop it!
440
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,525
Where's the silver tongue?
441
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:47,334
I thought no one
would ever find it.
442
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,294
When I pried open
the coffin, it was there.
443
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,256
That shiny tongue
sticking out of his mouth
444
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:54,424
razzing my entire career.
445
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,593
My-My life.
446
00:18:56,677 --> 00:19:00,222
Before the dust could settle,
I pocketed it.
447
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,807
But I thought I had
you fooled.
448
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,685
You did, until I realized
that Jebediah's confession
449
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:07,396
was saying more
than he meant it to.
450
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:10,607
How else could he
have gotten this?
451
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:14,778
(gasps)
452
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:16,363
Sprungfeld must have
taken it with him
453
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,865
when he ran off
after the fight.
454
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,493
Exactly.
455
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,453
This celebration is a sham.
456
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,497
And it's all my fault.
457
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,082
We've got to get the word out
458
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,209
to every man, woman
and child in town.
459
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,669
♪♪ (march)
460
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,391
Stop!
461
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,602
Stop everything!
462
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,353
Stop the parade!
463
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,479
What?
464
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,148
What's going on here?
465
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,900
This is highly unorthodox.
466
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,027
This is Lisa Simpson.
467
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:57,654
She's discovered something
very important
468
00:19:57,738 --> 00:20:00,949
about Jebediah Springfield
that you need to hear.
469
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,910
(microphone feedback)
470
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:03,994
(clears throat)
471
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:05,829
People of Springfield,
472
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,206
I, um...
473
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,291
I don't know
quite how to say this.
474
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:10,792
Don't be shy,
little girl.
475
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,754
Think of Jebediah
and the words will come.
476
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:17,174
I did a lot of research
on Jebediah Springfield and--
477
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:18,884
I think I can pick her off.
478
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,761
Wait. Let's see what
she has to say.
479
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,308
Jebediah Springfield was...
480
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:29,186
Jebediah was...
481
00:20:34,816 --> 00:20:36,568
great.
482
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:40,614
I, um, just wanted to say
that I've done some research
483
00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:45,369
and uh... he was great.
484
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:50,958
Yeah.
485
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,752
Well said.
486
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:55,045
Great speech.
487
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:57,214
Jebediah would be proud of you.
488
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,718
♪♪ (march resumes)
489
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:05,514
Why didn't
you tell them?
490
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,308
Because the myth of Jebediah
has value too.
491
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,978
It's brought out the best
in everyone in this town.
492
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,646
Regardless of who said it,
493
00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:16,108
"A noble spirit
embiggens the smallest man."
494
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,944
(gunshot)
495
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,904
(bell ringing)
496
00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:28,328
Well, hey, it's Homer.
497
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:29,871
Good to see you, neigh--
498
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,707
Get lost.
499
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:34,167
Hear ye, hear ye!
500
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:36,253
Hear ye!
501
00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:38,588
He is not the official
town crier!
502
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:40,465
Police! Do something!
503
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,968
Well, I'd like to, ma'am,
but he's too damn good.
504
00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:44,636
Let him march, boys.
505
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,805
Let the man march.
506
00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:03,780
{\an8}♪♪ (old-time western)
507
00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:07,868
{\an8}♪ Hitch that team up,
Jebediah Springfield ♪
508
00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:11,997
{\an8}♪ Whip them horses,
let them wagons roll ♪
509
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,001
{\an8}♪ That a people
might embiggen America ♪
510
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:20,005
{\an8}♪ That a man
might embiggen ♪
511
00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:22,007
{\an8}♪ His soul ♪
512
00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:24,509
{\an8}♪ His soul ♪
513
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:29,056
{\an8}♪ His soul ♪
514
00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:46,281
Shh!
515
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:51,495
{\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.