1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:05,380 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,094 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:15,640 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,143 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,996 {\an8}Brought to you by: I.L.G. 6 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,790 {\an8}Selling your body's chemicals after you die. 7 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,709 {\an8}And by: 8 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,961 {\an8}A subsidiary of I.L.G. 9 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,296 {\an8}Oh, hi. 10 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,423 {\an8}I didn't hear you come in. 11 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,258 {\an8}Welcome to my home. 12 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:56,181 {\an8}Say, did I hear some carolers? 13 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:58,475 {\an8}♪ Rum-pa-pum-pum ♪ 14 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,561 {\an8}♪ Come, they told me... ♪ 15 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:04,314 {\an8}Hey, it's respected private citizen 16 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,149 {\an8}Tom Landry. 17 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,318 {\an8}And South American sensation 18 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:11,071 {\an8}shoo... shi... sha... 19 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,739 {\an8}shoo... sha... she... 20 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,325 {\an8}shu... shu... boy. 21 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,035 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: Now, stay tuned 22 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:20,038 {\an8}for a video Christmas card from Tupac Shakur. 23 00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:22,373 {\an8}Hey, I thought Krusty was Jewish. 24 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,751 {\an8}Christmas is a time when people of all religions 25 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,753 {\an8}come together to worship Jesus Christ. 26 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,470 {\an8}-Boring! -Boring! 27 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,725 {\an8}BOTH: HELP! 28 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:41,935 {\an8}You want excitement?! 29 00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,270 {\an8}Shove this up your stocking! 30 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,524 {\an8}Whoa! 31 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,698 {\an8}Hmm. That looks entertaining. 32 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,283 {\an8}(gurgling) Oh yeah... 33 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,537 {\an8}So tell your folks: "Buy me: Bonestorm! 34 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,580 {\an8}or go to hell!" 35 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,625 {\an8}Buy me Bonestorm or go to hell! 36 00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:06,709 {\an8}Bart! 37 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,086 {\an8}Young man, in this house 38 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,796 {\an8}we use a little word called "please." 39 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,589 {\an8}It's the coolest video game ever. 40 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,091 {\an8}I'm sorry, honey 41 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,302 {\an8}but those games cost up to and including $70. 42 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,721 {\an8}And they're violent and they distract you from your schoolwork. 43 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,348 {\an8}Those are all good points, but the problem is 44 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,600 {\an8}they don't result in me getting the game. 45 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:23,810 {\an8}I know how you feel, Bart. 46 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,186 {\an8}When I was your age, 47 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,604 {\an8}I wanted an electric football game 48 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,981 {\an8}more than anything in the world. 49 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,108 {\an8}And my parents bought it for me 50 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,777 {\an8}and it was the happiest day of my life. 51 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,697 {\an8}Well, good night. 52 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,283 Oh, I'll never get that game. 53 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,535 Tuck-in time. 54 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:45,206 ♪ All aboard the sleepy train to visit Mother Goose ♪ 55 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,959 ♪ Barty's stop is Snoozy Lane ♪ 56 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:51,212 ♪ To rest his sweet caboose ♪ 57 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,298 Mom, I'm not a little kid anymore. 58 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:55,383 Tuck-in time is lame. 59 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,719 Well, if loving my kids is lame, 60 00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,597 then I guess I'm just a big lame. 61 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,224 Mom, it's lame to be proud of being lame. 62 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,186 Well, life is like a box of chocolates. 63 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,687 Mom! No, Mom! 64 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,106 (clanking) 65 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,191 .. what you're gonna get. 66 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,150 (clanking) 67 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,656 Ninety-nine cents! 68 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,618 I want to buy a copy of Bonestorm. 69 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,161 Here's 99 cents. 70 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,204 (sighs) 71 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,205 Allow me to summarize 72 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,789 the proposed transaction. 73 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,167 You wish to purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents. 74 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,670 Net profit to me: negative $59. 75 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,297 Oh, oh, please take my $59. 76 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,673 I don't want it. 77 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:36,674 It's yours. 78 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,092 Eh, eh, eh. 79 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,136 Seeing as we are unfamiliar with sarcasm 80 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,765 I shall close the register at this point and state 81 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,767 that 99 cents is the rental price. 82 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,394 Oh. Then may I please rent it, please? 83 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,771 You may not. I am all out. 84 00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:51,189 Though I do have a surprising abundance 85 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,483 of Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge. 86 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,401 Oh. 87 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,490 (lasers, explosions) 88 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,242 Milhouse has Bonestorm! 89 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,870 This is great! 90 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,997 And all I've done is enter my name-- 91 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,249 Thrillhouse. 92 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,212 Say, cool dude, can I play too? 93 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,798 Uh, it's only a one-player game. 94 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,342 Then how come it says "second player score"? 95 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:21,761 Mom, Bart's swearing! 96 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,388 -No, no. -Hey. What the hell? 97 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,098 -Out, right now. -Damn it, I wasn't swearing. 98 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,099 Out! 99 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,312 Hmm. 100 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,357 Maybe if I stand next to the games looking sad 101 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,068 someone will feel sorry for me and buy me one. 102 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,707 Gavin, don't you 103 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,083 already have this game? 104 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,793 No, Mom, you idiot. 105 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:56,212 I have Bloodstorm and Bonesquad 106 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,423 and Bloodstorm II, stupid. 107 00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,799 Oh, I'm sorry, honey. 108 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,301 We'll take a Bonestorm. 109 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,469 Get two. I'm not sharing with Caitlin. 110 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:10,059 That must be the happiest kid in the world. 111 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,352 Psst. Hey, Simpson. 112 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,104 Check this out. 113 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,649 Look what I got! 114 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,443 It's the kind I like. 115 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,570 Are you guys shoplifting? 116 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,072 Four-finger discount, dude. 117 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,742 Shoplifting is a victimless crime 118 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,328 like punching someone in the dark. 119 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:31,039 (both laughing) 120 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,848 Go ahead-a, Bart. 121 00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:50,892 Take-a the Bonestorm. 122 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,894 The store, she so rich. 123 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:54,479 She'll-a never notice. 124 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,397 Duh, it's the company's fault 125 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,107 for making you want it so much. 126 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,484 Don't do it, son. 127 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,028 How's the game going to help your putting? 128 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,029 Just take it! 129 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,030 Take it! Take it! 130 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:04,989 Take it! 131 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,299 I'm outside. 132 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,509 I got away with it. 133 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:25,468 I'm free. 134 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,224 Sir, would you open your coat, please? 135 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:35,228 Uh, I don't think this is the kind of coat that opens. 136 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,397 Please step back in the store, sir. 137 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,398 (swallows) 138 00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,941 (clucking tongue) 139 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,318 That boy's parents must have made 140 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,820 some terrible mistakes. 141 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,279 Shut up, Mom! 142 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:50,868 Ho-ho-ho! 143 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,079 Here you go, little fella. 144 00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,539 No, no, not for him. 145 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,749 Oh... I see. 146 00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:19,063 Hi, I'm Troy McClure. 147 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,732 You might remember me from such public service videos 148 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:24,402 as "Designated Drivers-- The Life-Saving Nerds" 149 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:27,280 and "Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness". 150 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,241 I'm here today to give you the skinny on shoplifting 151 00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:31,993 thereby completing my plea bargain 152 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,245 with the good people at Foot Locker of Beverly Hills. 153 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:37,415 Shoplifting began here in ancient Phoenicia. 154 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,334 Thieves would literally lift the corner of a shop 155 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,254 in order to snatch the sweet, sweet olives within. 156 00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:45,965 Oh, Sheheqazaramesh, will you ever learn? 157 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:49,010 Flash forward to ancient Babylonia... 158 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:50,595 All right, show's over. 159 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:52,096 E-excuse me? 160 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,931 You think you're pretty smart, don't you? 161 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,308 No. 162 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,476 Don't smart off to me, smart guy. 163 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:57,768 I could pay for the game. 164 00:07:57,852 --> 00:07:59,228 I'll pay for it. 165 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,606 That kind of mush might fly at Lamps Plus 166 00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,441 but don't peddle it here. 167 00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:05,443 If I wanted smoke blown up my ass 168 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,819 I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes 169 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,571 and a short length of hose. 170 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,655 (nervous chuckle) 171 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,199 That's it, Mr. Comedian. 172 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,034 I'm calling your parents. 173 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:14,035 (gasps) 174 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,037 (telephone beeps) 175 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,039 Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? 176 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,957 This is Detective Don Brodka 177 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,168 from Try-N-Save security. 178 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,420 That's right, Don Brodka. 179 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,964 Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting. 180 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,299 Uh-huh. 181 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:31,844 Yeah, it's a shame, I know, but, well... 182 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,804 try and have a merry Christmas. 183 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,431 They weren't home. Uh-huh. 184 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,975 But I left a message on their answering machine. 185 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,101 That's right. 186 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,394 Um, okay. 187 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,188 I've really, really, learned my lesson. 188 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,481 Can I please go now? 189 00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:44,815 Yeah, get out of my sight. 190 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,068 Hey, kid. 191 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:48,819 One more thing. 192 00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,072 If you ever set foot in this store again 193 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,866 you'll be spending Christmas in Juvenile Hall. 194 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:54,867 Capice? 195 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:57,912 Well, do you understand? 196 00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,830 Everything except capice. 197 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,298 Lousy stinking piece of crap. 198 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,092 Got to change that answering machine tape. 199 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:12,593 Oh God, I got to change that tape! 200 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,763 Got to change Maggie. 201 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,390 Dear God, we got to change Maggie! 202 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,525 Hmm, we didn't have a message when we left. 203 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:29,068 How very odd. 204 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,444 ♪ Hello, muddah ♪ 205 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,072 ♪ Hello, faddah ♪ 206 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:36,492 ♪ Here I am at Camp Granada... ♪ 207 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:40,079 Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada? 208 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,081 (chuckling) 209 00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,583 Now to put this tape 210 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,918 where no one will ever listen to it. 211 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,964 Homer, didn't you get any milk? 212 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,424 All I see is egg nog. 213 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,134 'Tis the season, Marge. 214 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,761 We only get 30 sweet, noggy days 215 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,471 then the government takes it away again. 216 00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,931 (gasping) 217 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,100 I think I'm having chest pains. 218 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:04,145 (whistling) 219 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:06,188 -Bart, get your suit on. -What for? 220 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,858 We're getting our Christmas picture taken. 221 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,359 You lucked out, Marge, my man 222 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,987 'cause I'm in a smiling mood today. 223 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:13,988 (laughs) 224 00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:15,698 Well good, so get ready 225 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,117 and before you know it we'll be at the Try-N-Save. 226 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,535 Try-N-Save? 227 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,329 (loud whistle) 228 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,623 Oh, my teapots are ready. 229 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:26,083 If you ever set foot in this store again 230 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,668 you'll be spending Christmas 231 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,003 in Juvenile Hall... 232 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,213 Juvenile Hall... Juvenile Hall... 233 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,798 (cell door slams) 234 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,967 MAN: Stand behind the yellow line! 235 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,094 You will now receive your Christmas presents 236 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,306 donated by the Port Authority lost and found office. 237 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:43,142 Pass your chit to Santa to receive your gift! 238 00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:46,145 If you do not have a chit, you will not receive a gift. 239 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:50,858 Wow, the March 8th newspaper. 240 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,944 Cool! A book of carpet samples. 241 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,988 Come on, new bike. 242 00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,868 Oh, a soiled wig. 243 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:03,037 (garbled) Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 244 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:05,998 (gulping) 245 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,625 MARGE: Bart, what's taking so long? 246 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,585 If you're having that problem with your zipper 247 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,003 I can send your father up. 248 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,463 Oh, no, I'm not. 249 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,758 What's the matter with your face? 250 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,177 Is that a fake nose? 251 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,887 Are you wearing chin putty? 252 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:23,140 I don't have to listen to these wild allegations. 253 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,604 Please, Bart, no more pranks. 254 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,022 It would mean so much to me 255 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,857 if we could have 256 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,776 just one nice family photo. 257 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,281 Hey! 258 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,200 I don't remember saying that! 259 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,121 Uh-oh, almost forgot to lock the doors. 260 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,249 (moaning) 261 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,252 I hope you're going 262 00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:52,920 to the Valley Vista Try-N-Save, kid 263 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:55,673 'cause you don't want to come to my store. 264 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,550 Cat-feesh? 265 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,142 So we're just going to do this photo and get out, right? 266 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,309 Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom. 267 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,769 I want to look at the pets 268 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,146 and write things on the typewriters 269 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,272 and see if the new dictionaries are in! 270 00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:12,314 Okay. 271 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,899 I want to price some flip-flops 272 00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,484 and smell the new tires 273 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,278 and consult the pharmacist for some free medical advice. 274 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,613 Sure, we're going to have a great day. 275 00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:21,031 Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom. 276 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,324 Right, Bart? 277 00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,576 Bart? 278 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:24,577 What's wrong, honey? 279 00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,370 Uh-oh! 280 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:29,206 Somebody's got tired little legs. 281 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,624 (grunts) 282 00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,174 Mmm, wonder where the flip-flops are... 283 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,258 Menswear? 284 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:40,801 Maybe it's sporting goods? 285 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,261 Wait, no, sleepwear. 286 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,597 Oh, probably, better living. 287 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,182 (loud sigh) 288 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,184 -(alarms blaring) -(scared shudder) 289 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,394 Oh, Homie, look at that watch. 290 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:52,813 I've always wanted a watch like that. 291 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:57,485 Well, maybe someone will give you one for Christmas. 292 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,111 Now she'll really be surprised 293 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,113 when she opens that ironing board cover. 294 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:08,662 {\an8}HOMER: Pfft, must have been a pretty slow century. 295 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,334 (gasps) 296 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:14,585 The store detective! 297 00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:16,378 Hey, Ansel Adams, let's go! 298 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,755 Take the photo! 299 00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:19,548 Wait, wait! I don't want Maggie's face 300 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,051 hidden behind that pacifier! 301 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,010 (whimpering) 302 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,471 Don't worry, mama. 303 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:26,806 I can put a smile on baby's face. 304 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,015 Okay, sugarplum 305 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:31,602 it's time to meet Mr. Funny-voice. 306 00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,103 (high-pitched voice) Hello, aluh... 307 00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,688 (normal voice) Oh, it's just air. 308 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,317 Well, come on. Hurry up. 309 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,277 Okay, people. One, two, three. 310 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,073 I thought I told you: 311 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,325 No returns for busted merchandise. 312 00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:47,993 What are you doing to my son? 313 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:51,080 I'm afraid your son broke the 11th commandment. 314 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,915 Thou shalt not steal. 315 00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,416 That's crazy. 316 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,417 Bart's not a shoplifter. 317 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:56,961 He's just a little boy. 318 00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:59,421 Oh, sure, now he's just a little boy 319 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,090 stealing little toys. 320 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,425 But someday he'll be a grown man 321 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,470 stealing stadiums and... quarries. 322 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,097 My son may not be perfect 323 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,724 but I know in my heart he's not a shoplifter. 324 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,311 Fine! Play the tape. 325 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,814 Then everyone can see you've got the wrong boy. 326 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,525 Wait! 327 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,235 Mom, I don't want you to see this. 328 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,113 I did it. 329 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:31,537 LISA: Bart, I wouldn't have expected this even from you! 330 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,330 My son's a thief. 331 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,207 Oh, Bart. 332 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,882 Stealing?! How could you?! 333 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,967 Haven't you learned anything from that guy 334 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,429 who gives those sermons at church-- captain what's-his-name? 335 00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:50,973 We live in a society of laws! 336 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,349 Why do you think I took you 337 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,101 to all those Police Academy movies? 338 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:55,561 For fun?! 339 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:57,521 Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! 340 00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:58,981 Did you?! 341 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,442 Except at that guy who made sound effects. 342 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:02,651 (blubbering Doppler effect) 343 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,652 (muffled zooming) 344 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,987 (blows raspberry) 345 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,280 Honk, honk! 346 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:08,365 (imitates explosion) 347 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,867 (laughs) 348 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,160 Where was I? 349 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,329 Oh, yeah. Stay out of my booze. 350 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:17,124 Mom, I'm really sorry. 351 00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,500 I know you are. 352 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,336 Is there anything I can do? 353 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,338 I don't know. 354 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,548 Why don't you go to bed? 355 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:25,925 Okay. 356 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,226 (sighs despondently) 357 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,354 Man, I thought Mom was going to scream me stupid. 358 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:40,022 She didn't even raise her voice. 359 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,524 I admit I haven't known Mom as long as you have 360 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,360 but I know when she's really upset. 361 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:45,569 Her heart won't just wipe clean 362 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,488 like this bathroom counter top. 363 00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:49,198 It absorbs everything that touches it 364 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:52,368 like this bathroom rug. 365 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,370 Really? You think this might be 366 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,872 one of those forever-type things? 367 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,540 (muffled): I don't know. 368 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,293 (squishing) 369 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:04,046 MARGE: ♪ Lisa's on the sleepy train ♪ 370 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,382 ♪ To rest her weary head ♪ 371 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,884 ♪ Her ticket is a candy cane ♪ 372 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,470 ♪ Made out of gingerbread ♪ 373 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,471 (Lisa giggles) 374 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:13,555 LISA: Good night, Mom. 375 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,391 Good night, sweetheart. 376 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,101 (footsteps approaching) 377 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,477 Oh, great. 378 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,397 The tuck-in express is right on time. 379 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,358 Good night. 380 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,990 I figured out the boy's punishment. 381 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,574 First, he's grounded. 382 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,035 No leaving the house, not even for school. 383 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,620 Second, no eggnog. 384 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,956 In fact, no nog period. 385 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:42,167 And third, absolutely no stealing for three months. 386 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,836 I always thought I understood 387 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,087 my special little guy 388 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,463 but somewhere along the road 389 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,257 his hand slipped away 390 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,425 from mine. 391 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,427 Ah, what are you gonna do? 392 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,763 (groans softly) 393 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,516 He's not my little baby anymore. 394 00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,269 Maybe I mother him too much. 395 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,154 (yawns) 396 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,492 Hey, Mom, you didn't wake me up. 397 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,828 Here's your hot chocolate. 398 00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:20,122 You didn't put my marshmallow in. 399 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,624 I think you're old enough to do it yourself now. 400 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,419 Okay. I can handle that. 401 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,136 Hey! 402 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,763 Give me a slice. 403 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,641 Milhouse, do you ever worry 404 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,144 that your Mom might stop loving you? 405 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,271 What? I'm more worried about piranhas. 406 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,231 Did you see that movie 407 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,525 where they sent a nuclear submarine to fight the piranhas 408 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,444 and one of them swims right down the periscope 409 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,488 and bites the guy in the eye, and he goes: 410 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,031 (screams) 411 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,158 and that old lady told him it would happen?! 412 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,994 Yeah. That was pretty good. 413 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,329 How come you're not playing Bonestorm? 414 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,122 Ah, it got boring. 415 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,957 I'm really into this cup and ball now. 416 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,835 Whoa! Wow! Whoa-ho-ho! 417 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,170 Man, you never know 418 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:11,298 which way this crazy ball's going to go. 419 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:12,591 Yeah, right. You're just trying to trick me 420 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:13,592 because you don't want me playing 421 00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,968 with your video game. 422 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,429 Here. Go ahead. 423 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,056 No. Let me try the cup and ball. 424 00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:20,349 Get your own! 425 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,017 Come on, don't be a cup-and-ball hog. 426 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,519 Hey, give it! That's my -- 427 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,728 Milhouse, come on! Give me the cup and ball. 428 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,105 Cup and ball hog! Oink, oink! 429 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,982 Mom! Bart's smoking! 430 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,192 All right. Out, out. 431 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,401 Go, go, go, go. 432 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,820 Miss Milhouse, what are you... 433 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:33,904 Okay, okay, okay. 434 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,364 I won't bug Milhouse 435 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,075 but, well... Mrs. Van Houten 436 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:40,577 this is going to sound kind of dumb 437 00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:44,790 but can I hang out with you while you do Mom stuff? 438 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,298 Who are Dan and Sherry Adler? 439 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:54,466 Just friends of ours. 440 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,802 Oh. And who is Warren Burke? 441 00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:58,846 Oh, he used to tune our piano 442 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,806 before we got rid of it. 443 00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,683 He grew up in Mechanicsburg. 444 00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:05,352 -Oh, really? -Mm. 445 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,104 Tell me I'm good. 446 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,440 (Marge laughing) 447 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,317 Oh, hey, that's Mom! 448 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,069 She's happy again. 449 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,949 You guys made a snowman family? 450 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,492 Check it out, boy. 451 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:23,829 It's like looking into a living snow mirror. 452 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,581 Why didn't you wait for me? 453 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,249 I didn't think you'd mind. 454 00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:30,335 I figured you were getting a little too old for this. 455 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,336 But you can still make one. 456 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,337 There's some snow left 457 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,006 under the car. 458 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,314 (moans) 459 00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:51,982 Stupid family. 460 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,525 Hey, Simpson. 461 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,986 Look what I swiped from Try-N-Save. 462 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:59,072 It's a replacement tire for a wheelbarrow. 463 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,157 Huh. 464 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,575 I knew you'd like it. 465 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,202 (laughs) 466 00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:08,081 Everybody thinks I'm the black sheep. 467 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:11,168 Well, I'll show them what a black sheep can do. 468 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,633 Mom... 469 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,219 this fake snow is making me dizzy. 470 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,720 We're almost finished. 471 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:24,473 There's just a little bit of green left. 472 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,183 (humming) 473 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,601 There you are. 474 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,978 You can help me spray the cookies. 475 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,563 Are you hiding something? 476 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,523 What do you have under your jacket? 477 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:34,524 Nothing. 478 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:35,776 Oh, Bart. Not again! 479 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:36,985 Give it to me. 480 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,528 I told you, I don't have anything. 481 00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,530 You can't hide from me in this house, Bart. 482 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,992 I spend 23 hours a day here. 483 00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,204 (laughing) 484 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,580 Get him, Ma. 485 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:51,166 There's no place left to run, Bart. 486 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,292 Hand it over. 487 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,379 Oh, Bart. 488 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:58,090 I can't believe you did this. 489 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,635 I wanted to surprise you for Christmas. 490 00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:06,265 Oh, sweetie, this is the best present a mother could get! 491 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,725 (loud smooching) 492 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,478 I love you so much! 493 00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,313 My little bitty Barty! 494 00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:16,275 Mom! 495 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,447 Since I got my present early 496 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,700 I think you should get yours early too. 497 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,285 Bart got a present early?! 498 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,537 Then I should get a present early! I want a present! 499 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,746 Lisa, you have to wait. 500 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,164 (groans) 501 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:33,959 Okay. This is the worst Christmas ever. 502 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,836 Now I know you love video games 503 00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:39,214 and I asked the clerk which is the one every boy wants. 504 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,173 You got me... 505 00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:44,761 (stifled groan) 506 00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,347 Oh... yeah! 507 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,559 Thanks, Mom! 508 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:04,489 {\an8}(halting cadence): Welcome to Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge. 509 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:05,907 {\an8}I am Carvallo. 510 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,534 {\an8}Now, choose a club. 511 00:22:07,617 --> 00:22:08,660 {\an8}(beep) 512 00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,620 {\an8}You have chosen a three wood. 513 00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,497 {\an8}May I suggest a putter? 514 00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:13,498 {\an8}(beep) 515 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:14,791 {\an8}Three wood. 516 00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:17,085 {\an8}Now, enter the force of your swing. 517 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:19,504 {\an8}I suggest feather touch. 518 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:20,589 {\an8}(three beeps) 519 00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:22,632 {\an8}You have entered "power drive." 520 00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:26,011 {\an8}Now, push 7-8-7 to swing. 521 00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:27,679 {\an8}(three beeps) 522 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,812 {\an8}Ball is in parking lot. 523 00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,565 {\an8}Would you like to play again? 524 00:22:38,648 --> 00:22:40,859 {\an8}-(beep) -You have selected "no." 525 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,403 Shh! 526 00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:49,284 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.