1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,131 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,635 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,849 D'oh! 4 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,642 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,539 {\an8}(moaning) 6 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,208 {\an8}Ugh. My mouth tastes like an ashtray. 7 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,127 {\an8}(burps) 8 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,920 {\an8}(water running) 9 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,007 ♪ Doo-doo-doo doo-doo-dee ♪ 10 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,800 {\an8}Smithers, wait your turn. 11 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,927 {\an8}There's plenty of hot water for all. 12 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,096 {\an8}Sir! You weren't shot. 13 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,598 {\an8}(sighs) 14 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,558 {\an8}It was all a dream. 15 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,893 {\an8}That's right. 16 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,145 {\an8}The year is 1965, and you and I are 17 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,314 {\an8}undercover detectives on the hot rod circuit. 18 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,649 {\an8}Now let's burn rubber, baby. 19 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,610 {\an8}(engines roaring) 20 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,158 {\an8}(gunfire) 21 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,326 {\an8}Wait! 22 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:17,744 {\an8}That was all a dream. 23 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,454 {\an8}Ah... 24 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,998 {\an8}Hey, then maybe I haven't become a hideous, drunken wreck. 25 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,668 Oh... (belches) 26 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,671 {\an8}Dozens of people are gunned down each day in Springfield 27 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,632 {\an8}but until now, none of them was important. 28 00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:33,009 {\an8}I'm Kent Brockman. At 3:00 p.m. Friday, 29 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,969 {\an8}local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot 30 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:38,014 {\an8}following a tense confrontation at town hall. 31 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,474 {\an8}Burns was rushed to a nearby hospital, 32 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:41,142 {\an8}where he was pronounced dead. 33 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,061 {\an8}He was then transferred to a better hospital 34 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,563 {\an8}where doctors upgraded his condition to "Alive." 35 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,233 {\an8}Now let's talk to Police Chief Wiggum. 36 00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:50,235 {\an8}Oh, hiya, Kent. 37 00:01:50,318 --> 00:01:52,195 {\an8}Right now, we are questioning 38 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,073 {\an8}two witnesses who were in the vicinity 39 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,116 {\an8}at the time. 40 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,325 Did you see this guy? 41 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,326 Was he anywhere near the parking lot 42 00:01:58,409 --> 00:01:59,702 when Burns got shot? 43 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,872 No, it's no use. 44 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,208 They ain't talking. 45 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,627 Everyone in Springfield had a reason to shoot Mr. Burns, 46 00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:08,670 even us. 47 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,004 (all murmuring) 48 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,798 Bart, he broke your dog's legs. 49 00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,800 Grandpa, he destroyed your home. 50 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:15,385 And Dad, well, you kinda went berserk 51 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,886 when he couldn't remember your name. 52 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,639 Berserk is right! 53 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:21,391 May I have some iced tea, please? 54 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,018 Aren't we forgetting someone-- Sister suspect? 55 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,980 (nervous laugh) Yeah, I was just getting to me. 56 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,566 Because of Mr. Burns, they canceled my jazz program 57 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,985 and my friend Tito Puente got fired... 58 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,945 But I could never shoot someone. 59 00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:34,988 -Could so. -Could not. 60 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,156 -Could so. -Could not. 61 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,407 HOMER: Kids, kids, kids! 62 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,075 As far as Daddy's concerned 63 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,244 you're both potential murderers. 64 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,829 The police already have a suspect. 65 00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,080 It's Mr. Smithers. 66 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,082 -Sure! -He's a good suspect. 67 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,751 I bet he's the one. Yeah! Smingers did it. 68 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,087 Case closed. Now where's my hat? 69 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,547 I'm going to the outhouse. 70 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,465 We don't have an outhouse. 71 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,675 My toolshed! 72 00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:56,718 Oh, Dad? 73 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,261 (moaning) 74 00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:01,222 Could I have shot Mr. Burns in a drunken rage? 75 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,223 No, no, not me! 76 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,558 I know in my heart I... 77 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:05,143 A gun... 78 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:07,312 And it's been recently fired. 79 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:10,190 Wait. I remember leaving the town meeting. 80 00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,862 I must have run into Mr. Burns outside and... 81 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,322 (muttering) 82 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:18,573 (gunfire) 83 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,408 (gasps) Mr. Burns! 84 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,243 What have I done? 85 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:25,205 (sobbing) 86 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,756 Hey, Homer-- Us hotheads here 87 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,675 is gonna go tear down Burns's sunblocking machine. 88 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:38,718 You want to come with? 89 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,303 Sure. 90 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:43,139 I've had it up to here with these damn rickets. 91 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,692 Pull, Duchess, pull! 92 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,575 -(crashing) -(screaming) 93 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,203 Um... Uh, what town did we just crush? 94 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,246 Shelbyville. 95 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,081 (all cheering) 96 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:09,290 Oh... 97 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,668 {\an8}This guilt is driving me mad. 98 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,878 {\an8}I've got to tell someone. 99 00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,008 Father, I'm not a Catholic but-- 100 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,220 Well, I tried to march in the St. Patrick's Day parade. 101 00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:27,058 Anyway, I've got a rather large sin to confess. 102 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,354 (sniffles) I'm the one who-- 103 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:34,148 who shot Mr. Burns. 104 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,358 That's all I needed to hear. 105 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,443 Boy, this thing works great. 106 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,153 The man became consumed by greed. 107 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,947 He'd steal from anyone. 108 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,199 This isn't a rival company you're battling with. 109 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,368 It's a school. People won't stand for it. 110 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,786 Pish-posh. 111 00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:49,247 It will be like taking candy from a baby. 112 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:52,166 Say, that sounds like a larf. 113 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,752 And when he tried to steal our sunlight, 114 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:58,339 he crossed that line between everyday villainy 115 00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,549 and cartoonish super-villainy. 116 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,134 Bah! 117 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:06,639 He was a rank amateur compared to Dr. Colossos. 118 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,099 (evil laughter) 119 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,309 Oh... Ow! 120 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,936 (groaning) 121 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,062 When is my lawyer coming? 122 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,150 (clamoring) 123 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,027 Dave Shutton, Springfield Daily Shopper. 124 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,695 Who are you? Where are you going? 125 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,322 Do your research, Shutton. 126 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,073 Kent Brockman, Channel 6 News. 127 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,867 How does it feel to be accused 128 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,869 of the attempted murder of your boss and mentor? 129 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:30,788 Kent, I feel about as low as Madonna 130 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,999 when she found out she missed Tailhook. 131 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:35,001 I'm going to say, "Ouch!" for Madonna. 132 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:38,087 Hey, that's my Madonna gag. That guy stole my gag. 133 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,797 And you stole it 134 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,175 from last Friday's episode of "Pardon My Zinger." 135 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:45,595 Stole, made up-- What's the difference? (nervous chuckle) 136 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,348 Mr. Smithers must have seen that program too. 137 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,725 He never misses it. 138 00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,602 At the town meeting, he mentioned 139 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,312 that he watched Comedy Central. 140 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:58,483 I made sure to note that, as it seemed quite unusual. 141 00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,692 Ye gods! 142 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,444 To the police station, Krusty. 143 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,905 I am Melvin Van Horn 144 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:06,240 and this is my associate, Hershel Krustofsky. 145 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,742 Hey, hey. 146 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:10,536 Officers, you have arrested an innocent man. 147 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,038 Really? Oh, geez. 148 00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:14,207 All right Colossos, you're free to go, 149 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,750 but stay away from death mountain. 150 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,044 But all my stuff is there. 151 00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:19,420 (clearing throat) 152 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,881 I was referring to Wayland Smithers. 153 00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,509 Mr. Burns was shot Friday at 3:00 p.m. 154 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,344 The very time that Smithers was at home 155 00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,346 watching "Pardon My Zinger." 156 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,515 So you see, he couldn't have done it. 157 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,100 Yes... 158 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,518 You're right. I remember now. 159 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,479 I--I watched that entire show. In fact... 160 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:40,274 I left the town meeting early, so I could get home in time. 161 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:43,277 SMITHERS (slurring): I got to run or I'll miss 162 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,570 the opening rank-out. 163 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,365 Get out of my way, please. 164 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,367 Slow down. The sidewalk's for regular walking, 165 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:51,202 not for fancy walking. 166 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,830 SMITHERS: Out of my way. I'm in a hurry. 167 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,040 You simmer down, I'll let you go. 168 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,292 (gunfire) 169 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,003 So, instead of wounding an evil old man 170 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,548 I may have killed an innocent old man. 171 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,508 That's much worse. 172 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,553 About 50,000 volts worse, if you know what I mean. 173 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:09,887 (grunting) 174 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,264 Sizzle! 175 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:14,267 Wait a minute. If a second old geezer got shot, 176 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,227 how come nobody reported it? 177 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,564 (knocking) 178 00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:21,149 Uh, hi. 179 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,026 Um, could we take a look at your leg? 180 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,780 Yeah, that's real spruce. 181 00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,948 You like it? 182 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,658 Whew, thank God. 183 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:34,078 Sir, I only hope you can forgive me 184 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,788 for shooting your wooden leg. 185 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,957 You shot who in the what, now? 186 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,917 Okay, Smithers, you're free to go. 187 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,794 And you, one question. 188 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,713 Do you know who shot Mr. Burns? 189 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:46,549 'Cause we are really up the creek on this one. 190 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,636 And with the prime suspect cleared 191 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,762 and found completely innocent, 192 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,681 we must now ask ourselves 193 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,725 who could possibly be as bloodthirsty 194 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,351 as Wayland Smithers? 195 00:07:57,435 --> 00:08:00,021 I guess it's never the most likely suspect. 196 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:02,607 Actually, Mom, in 95% of cases it is. 197 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,984 The rest of the time, it's usually 198 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,111 some deranged lunatic who did it for no reason. 199 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,155 Hey, I had a damn good reason. 200 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:12,408 He could never remember my name. 201 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,993 Who the devil are you? 202 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:15,036 (grunting) 203 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,579 (screaming) 204 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,331 Homer Simpson! 205 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,416 My name is Homer Simpson! 206 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,876 Well, I don't think anyone in this family 207 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:23,628 is capable of attempted murder. 208 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:28,090 Eh, you never know what you're capable of. 209 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,927 I never thought I could shoot down a German plane, 210 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,305 but last year I proved myself wrong. 211 00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:36,224 Nancy Drew says that all you need to solve a mystery 212 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,434 is an inquisitive temperament and two good friends, 213 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,561 and I've got an inquisitive temperament. 214 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,771 Maybe I could help solve this. 215 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,356 (groans) 216 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,857 I think you're a little young 217 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,609 to be investigating an attempted murder. 218 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:49,070 Why don't you try to solve the mystery 219 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:51,197 of who put that mud in the freezer? 220 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,449 Who wants chocolate ice cream? 221 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,450 Me, me, me, me! 222 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,163 Okay, boys, we've got a clue. 223 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,999 The bullet they took out of Burns. 224 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:06,546 {\an8}Now, let's discuss the uh... mo-tive. 225 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,756 LISA: Mr. Burns is the richest man in town. 226 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:09,924 Maybe it's about money. 227 00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:11,217 That's some good thinking, Lou. 228 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,260 Hey, thanks, Chief. 229 00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,302 LISA: Hey, I said that! 230 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,971 My name is Lisa Simpson, 231 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,515 {\an8}and I made a chart of all the suspects in the Burns case. 232 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:21,310 {\an8}Look. Mr. Burns hurt all these people financially. 233 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,187 Nightclub owner Moe Szyslak. 234 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,773 His bar was closed because of Burns's negligence. 235 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:27,858 Liquor connoisseur Barney Gumble. 236 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,278 When Moe's closed Barney lost his only means of support: 237 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,905 Sucking coins out of the love tester machine. 238 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,782 That's a real good way to get sick. 239 00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:37,243 LISA: Dedicated educator Principal Seymour Skinner. 240 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,619 His school lost millions 241 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,913 when Burns pirated its oil well. 242 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,082 And grounds tender Groundskeeper Willy. 243 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,626 He lost his job and his dream of owning 244 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,086 a fine crystal slop bucket. 245 00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:48,963 And what about that jazz teacher that got laid off, 246 00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:52,508 you know, uh, Mr. Samba, Señor Mambo-- What was it? 247 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,843 -Tito Puente? -Yeah. 248 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,636 Well, he did vow revenge. (chuckles) 249 00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:59,307 But I can't see him doing something illegal. 250 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,350 He's in show business, he's a celebrity. 251 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,893 Let's roll, boys. 252 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,895 (police siren blares) 253 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,940 Revenge? Of course-- 254 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,817 But why wound his body with bullets 255 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:13,070 when I could set his soul afire with a slanderous mambo? 256 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,823 Listen, if you will, to my revenge. 257 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,033 Uno, dos, tres... 258 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,285 (playing salsa music) 259 00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:20,953 ♪ Burns won't last long ♪ 260 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,580 ♪ But an insulting song ♪ 261 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:27,084 ♪ Burns will always carry with him ♪ 262 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,295 ♪ So I'll settle my score ♪ 263 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,547 ♪ On the salsa floor ♪ 264 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:36,218 ♪ With this vengeful Latin rhythm ♪ 265 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,554 ♪ Burns ♪ 266 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,558 ♪ Con un corazon ♪ 267 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,602 ♪ De perro ♪ 268 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:47,063 ♪ Señor Burns ♪ 269 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:53,444 ♪ El diablo con dinero ♪ 270 00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,655 ♪ It may not surprise you ♪ 271 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,865 ♪ But all of us despise you ♪ 272 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,368 ♪ Please die ♪ 273 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,495 ♪ And fry ♪ 274 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:03,996 ♪ In hell ♪ 275 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,707 ♪ You rotten ♪ 276 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:11,045 ♪ Rich old wretch ♪ 277 00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,674 ♪ Adios viejo ♪ 278 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,258 (clapping) 279 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,802 -Ole! -Yeah! 280 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,262 Okay, okay, I believe you're innocent. 281 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,474 Gee, I hope all the suspects are this much fun. 282 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:25,142 Hmm... 283 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,355 Now... 284 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,691 Now let... 285 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,193 Let me... 286 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,194 Let me think. 287 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,320 Oh. 288 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:37,321 Now I did... 289 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,781 I did go to the town meeting 290 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,283 with the intention of ambushing Mr. Burns. 291 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:45,079 When it adjourned, I rushed to the lavatory to apply 292 00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,248 my camouflage makeup. 293 00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:50,167 Blast! I took mother's makeup kit by mistake. 294 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,211 Oh, excuse me, ma'am. 295 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:53,754 Superintendent Chalmers! 296 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,840 Oh, my God! 297 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:57,842 (distant gunshot) 298 00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:00,553 So Superintendent Chalmers can vouch for your whereabouts? 299 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,514 Oh, yes, but anything else he tells you is a filthy lie. 300 00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:07,143 I'm telling ye, I could nay have shot Burns. 301 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,438 -(groans) -(gun cocks) 302 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,022 This is your last warning about that. 303 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,984 It's impossible for me to fire a pistol. 304 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,194 If you'll check my medical records 305 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,822 you'll see I have a crippling arthritis 306 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,449 in me index fingers. 307 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:22,908 Look at them. 308 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:26,370 I got it from Space Invaders in 1977. 309 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:28,330 Yeah, that was a pretty addictive video game. 310 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,874 Video game? 311 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,208 Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns? 312 00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,626 -No. -(buzzes) 313 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,754 Alright, maybe I did but I didn't shoot him. 314 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,255 (dings) 315 00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:37,631 Checks out. Okay sir, you're free to go. 316 00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:38,674 Good, cause I got a hot date tonight. 317 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:39,675 (buzzes) 318 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:40,926 -A date. -(buzzes) 319 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,011 -(buzzes) -Dinner with a friend. 320 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,220 -Dinner alone. -(buzzes) 321 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,388 -Watching TV alone. -(buzzes) 322 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:46,140 All right! 323 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:47,391 I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies 324 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:48,851 in the Victoria's Secret catalog. 325 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,061 (buzzes) 326 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,480 -Sears catalog. -(beeps) 327 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,440 Would you unhook this already, please?! 328 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,358 I don't deserve this kinda shabby treatment. 329 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,610 (buzzes) 330 00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,445 Grandpa, I found your cigar box 331 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,030 dug up in the back yard, but the gun wasn't there. 332 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,615 Have you seen it? 333 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:05,284 You accuse me of everything around here. 334 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,870 "Who put slippers in the dishwasher? 335 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,623 "Who threw a cane at the TV? 336 00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:13,125 Who fell into the China hutch?" 337 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,085 I was just asking if you'd seen it. 338 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,629 There's no need to be a prickly pear. 339 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,008 Oh, you're the bee's knees, baby. 340 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:22,593 I missed you bad. 341 00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:24,178 Were you talking to me, Grandpa? 342 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,889 Um... Yes. 343 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:28,140 Ew... 344 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,767 We're still not close. 345 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:33,437 Boy! This is gonna be an all-night brainbuster. 346 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,523 Yep, better drink some coffee. 347 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,567 Oh, we're out of coffee. 348 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,612 Oh, well, I'll just drink this warm cream. 349 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:45,783 (snoring) 350 00:13:54,416 --> 00:14:00,464 {\an8}(distorted) 351 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:09,390 {\an8}(distorted) 352 00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:10,391 {\an8}Huh? 353 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,522 I'm not following you. 354 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,361 Huh? 355 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,406 (normal voice) Look at Burns's suit! Yeesh! 356 00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,907 Huh?! 357 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,492 I had an idea, Chief. 358 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:29,952 Why don't we check out that suit 359 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,579 Burns was wearing when he got shot? 360 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:33,247 Did you have the same backwards-talking dream 361 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,707 with the flaming cards? 362 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:35,708 I'll drive. 363 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,046 Eureka! 364 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,967 Ooh, nice eyelash. Yours? 365 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,136 No. We need to find out who it belonged to. 366 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,304 We want a DNA test. 367 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,471 Ooh-ooh-ee-ooh-oh. 368 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,849 That takes eight to ten weeks. 369 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,642 (sighs) 370 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,185 Did I say weeks? 371 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,186 'Cause I meant seconds. 372 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:00,941 What do you got, the whole town's DNA on file? 373 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,818 Uh-huh. If you've ever handled a penny, 374 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,528 the government's got your DNA. 375 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,113 Why do you think they keep 'em in circulation? 376 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:07,489 Scan's finished. 377 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,450 Now it's going to narrow it down 378 00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:10,910 to the family bloodline. 379 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,536 ♪♪ (fanfare) 380 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,163 (shuddering) 381 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,289 Homer Simpson! 382 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,373 Bingo. 383 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,751 Our gunman has a name-o. 384 00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,294 -Chief, Chief! -Chief. 385 00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:22,087 (clamoring) 386 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:23,505 (gasps) 387 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,301 Hey, Chief Wiggum what are you doing? 388 00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:29,345 What's going on? 389 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:32,222 I'm sorry, kid. We got Simpson DNA on Burns's clothing 390 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,892 and your father was identified by the old man himself. 391 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,018 (all gasp) 392 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,395 DNA, positive I.D. 393 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,396 Those won't hold up in any court. 394 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,398 -Run, Dad! -Hey ho. 395 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,943 Look what I found under Mr. Simpson's car seat. 396 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:48,447 I swear! I've never seen that gun before. 397 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,990 Then why are your fingerprints all over it, sir? 398 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:50,991 (yelps) 399 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,248 This bullet matches the one we took out of Burns. 400 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,376 Homer Simpson, you're under arrest 401 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:01,543 for attempted murder. 402 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,878 D'oh! 403 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,672 Yeah, that's what they all say-- 404 00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,215 They all say "D'oh." 405 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,848 WIGGUM: Yeah, we need two cups of coffee, 406 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,850 and two orders of bite-sized breakfast pancakes 407 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,644 with extra dipping sauce. 408 00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,939 MAN: Please pull up to the service window, please. 409 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:24,191 The wagon's too tall. 410 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,859 I don't want to have to get out. 411 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:27,736 I'll just drive up on the curb. 412 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,782 (grunting) 413 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:32,783 Blug. 414 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,451 Almost got it. 415 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:35,494 Drop the food, Chief. 416 00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:36,954 (yelling) 417 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,622 (horn sounds) 418 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,748 Dang fools. 419 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,874 Drive-through's not for parking. 420 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:44,837 (yells) 421 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,677 Diane, I'm going to take my break now. 422 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:54,930 Hi, everybody. 423 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,890 Ho! Mer... Simp... Son. 424 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,143 Okay, that was a little strange. 425 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,436 Um... 426 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,062 Tell me, how are you feeling today? 427 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,480 Homer. 428 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,481 Simpson Homer. 429 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,442 D-oh... Simpson! 430 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,945 Hmm. That seems to be all you can say. 431 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,739 When you were in that coma, 432 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,116 did you feel your brain getting damaged? 433 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,785 The police have such a strong case against Homer. 434 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,120 Mr. Burns said he did it. 435 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,288 They have Homer's DNA-- 436 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,081 They have Simpson DNA. 437 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,666 It could have come from any of us. 438 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,418 Except you, since you're a Bouvier. 439 00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,879 No, no, no, when I took your father's name 440 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,715 I took everything that came with it, including DNA. 441 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,133 Okay, Mom. 442 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:32,801 Anyway, my point is 443 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,345 the evidence isn't as concrete as it seems. 444 00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:36,930 Like those fingerprints. 445 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,724 They could have gotten on the gun some other way. 446 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,435 Are you sure you don't want me to hold 447 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:42,811 one of your ice cream cones? 448 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,688 Yeah, right. 449 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,024 You chose fruit. You live with fruit. 450 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,067 D'oh! 451 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,068 Oh... 452 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,153 No... No... No. 453 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:53,739 Ew! Why is this on the floor? 454 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,243 And we don't even know whose gun that was. 455 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,914 Maybe somebody planted it there to frame Dad. 456 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,707 No, we can't start thinking that way 457 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,209 about our own family members. 458 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,795 Suspicion could tear us apart. 459 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,546 That's right. 460 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,215 We all got to stick together 461 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,509 if we're gonna have any hope of bringing 462 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,302 that awful Homer to justice. 463 00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:20,099 {\an8}Here is a photo of the fugitive from our files. 464 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:21,892 And now, Wayland Smithers, 465 00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:23,769 who's been a real good sport 466 00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:24,895 about that wrongful arrest thing... 467 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,396 (whistles) 468 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,023 Has a statement that he would like to make. 469 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,109 -Wayland? -Thank you. 470 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,860 As Montgomery Burns's closest friend, 471 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,445 I'm certain that there is nothing he'd want more 472 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,949 than swift, brutal revenge against Homer Simpson. 473 00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:39,993 Therefore, I am offering a $50,000 reward 474 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:42,621 for his capture... Dead or alive. 475 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,123 Holy cow! Me first! Me first! 476 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:46,750 Homer Simpson? 477 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,920 So, you finally learned my name, eh? 478 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,464 Homer Simpson. 479 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,550 I've got no time for your demented parlor games. 480 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:58,887 You won't be telling anyone else that Homer Simpson shot you. 481 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,309 The scene of the crime. 482 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,770 There must be something here that can clear Dad. 483 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:08,897 (cooing) Clue, clue. 484 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,066 That's it! Oh, Mr. Pigeon! 485 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,027 I'd kiss you if you weren't swimming with disease. 486 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,615 (church bell tolls) 487 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,749 (gasps) So the DNA was right. 488 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,711 It must have been... Oh, Dad! 489 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,754 MAN: Attention all units: Homer Simpson has been sighted. 490 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,923 Proceed at once to Marvin Monroe Memorial Hospital. 491 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,217 (gasping) 492 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,468 (angry cries) 493 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,262 Be careful when we capture him. 494 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,555 We cannot claim the reward 495 00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:43,473 unless we have 51% of the carcass. 496 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,691 Stop! 497 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,527 Don't shoot my dad! 498 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:56,862 He's innocent. 499 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:59,865 He wouldn't hurt a fly. 500 00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:02,075 -Stop telling them it was me! -Homer Simpson. 501 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,952 I'll kill you for saying it was me. 502 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,704 Ho-mer Simp-son. 503 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,165 BURNS: What is the m-meaning of this? 504 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:11,210 Smithers, who is this beast that's shaking me? 505 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,337 D'oh! 506 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:15,923 Say it, Burns! 507 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,425 Say I never shot you! 508 00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:19,426 Before... 509 00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,303 Shot? (chuckles) By you? 510 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,680 I'm afraid not, my primitive friend. 511 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,016 Your kind has neither the cranial capacity 512 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:28,560 nor the opposable digits to operate a firearm. 513 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,229 The one who shot me was... 514 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,149 (yelling) 515 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,859 M--Maggie Simpson! 516 00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:41,073 With the sunblocker in place and the town aghast, 517 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,116 I was on top of the world. 518 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,160 So, I wanted to kick up my heels 519 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,787 and indulge my sweet tooth. 520 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,622 I feel like celebrating. 521 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,086 Oh, it's you. What are you so happy about? 522 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:56,296 (gasps) I see. 523 00:20:58,674 --> 00:20:59,758 Yes... 524 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:01,009 (lips smacking) 525 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,594 That's the one. 526 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,429 Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt 527 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,889 to take candy from a baby, 528 00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:08,100 but with him out of the picture, 529 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,227 I was free to wallow in my own crapulence. 530 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:12,312 I think you better drop it. 531 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,147 But the old axiom was misleading; 532 00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:16,775 taking the candy proved exceedingly difficult. 533 00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:18,652 I said, drop it! 534 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:20,946 (straining) 535 00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:24,950 (gunfire) 536 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,833 Stricken, I lurched forth in search of aid 537 00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:35,752 but finding only slack-jawed gawkers 538 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,921 I gave up and collapsed on the sundial. 539 00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:40,424 Then with your last ounce of strength 540 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:43,510 you pointed to "W" And "S" 541 00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:47,264 Or, from your point of view, "M" And "S." 542 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,807 Maggie Simpson. 543 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,100 What? 544 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:52,144 No, with my last ounce of strength 545 00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:55,022 I sucked out my gold fillings and swallowed them. 546 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:57,190 Those paramedics have sticky fingers. 547 00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:59,318 Well, I'm just relieved that Homer's safe 548 00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:01,820 and that you've recovered, and we can all get back to normal. 549 00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:03,405 If Maggie could talk 550 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,865 I'm sure she'd apologize for shooting you. 551 00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:07,242 I'm afraid that's insufficient. 552 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,202 Officer, arrest the baby. 553 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:12,080 (laughing) Yeah, right, Pops. 554 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:15,250 No jury in the world's gonna convict a baby. 555 00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,418 Hmm, maybe Texas. 556 00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:18,420 Besides, she didn't mean it. 557 00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:19,588 It was an accident. 558 00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:24,718 (gunshots echo) 559 00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:32,934 {\an8}♪♪ (salsa) 560 00:23:10,013 --> 00:23:12,349 Shh! 561 00:23:15,018 --> 00:23:18,271 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.