1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,256 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,049 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:10,719 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,387 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:30,739 {\an8}Well, sir, it has been an uneventful week in Badger Falls, 6 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:33,950 {\an8}where the women are robust, the men are pink-cheeked, 7 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,370 {\an8}and the children are pink-cheeked and robust. 8 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,705 {\an8}(laughing) 9 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,960 {\an8}What the hell's so funny? 10 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,255 {\an8}(inhales) At the Apple Biscuit Cafe, 11 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:50,300 {\an8}where the smiles are free, don't you know, 12 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,719 {\an8}Sven Inqvist studied the menu, 13 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:56,264 {\an8}and finally, he ordered the same thing he has every day. 14 00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:57,557 {\an8}(laughter) 15 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,770 {\an8}Maybe it's the TV. 16 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:06,232 {\an8}Stupid TV. Be more funny! (grunts) 17 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,109 {\an8}Well, sir, I think it is time 18 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:11,237 {\an8}to turn this pledge drive over to Troy McClure. 19 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,157 {\an8}I can't keep up this pace forever. 20 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,284 {\an8}(deep sigh) 21 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,786 Hi, I'm Troy McClure. 22 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,121 You might remember me from such telethons as 23 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,706 "Out With Gout '88" 24 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,084 and "Let's Save Tony Orlando's House." 25 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,044 Folks, do you realize without your support, 26 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,837 public television can't afford to bring you 27 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,673 such award-winning shows as "Edward The Penitent"? 28 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,551 I'm really, really, really sorry. 29 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,512 I'm afraid sorry doesn't cut it with this pope. 30 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,930 Oh-ho. 31 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:38,807 -(phone ringing) -What the hell? 32 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,892 Oh, we got a call. 33 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:43,269 (chuckles) Some idiot actually called in. 34 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,814 -Hello. What's your name? -Marge Simpson. 35 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,441 -(screams) -I'd like to pledge $30. 36 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,193 Oh, thank you. 37 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:54,280 Marge, it's public TV. They never have anything good. 38 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,492 Where are the Geraldos? Where are the Eubankses-ses? 39 00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:58,952 They need our support. 40 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:01,162 Besides, they gave me two tickets to the ballet. 41 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,624 -The ballet? Whoo-hoo! -You like ballet? 42 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,292 Marjorie, please. 43 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:09,546 I enjoy all the meats of our cultural stew. 44 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:12,090 Ahh, ballet. 45 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:15,593 Hee-hee-hee. All right. Whoo-hoo! Yea! 46 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:17,178 (laughing) Yeah! 47 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:21,182 ♪♪ (humming with calliope music) 48 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,101 (humming continues) 49 00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:28,815 -(doorbell rings) -(humming continues) 50 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:30,608 -Hello, Ruth. -Hi, Marge. 51 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,278 I was wondering if you had a power sander I could borrow. 52 00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:34,571 -Homer? -Nope. 53 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,532 -(whirring) -That's one right there. 54 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:40,160 All right. But remember, it's mine. 55 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,418 That's what ballet is? (groans) 56 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,836 You promised. 57 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:51,546 You can't back out like when you volunteered 58 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:54,340 for that army experiment to avoid dinner at my sisters'. 59 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,595 Mr. Simpson, you do realize this may result in 60 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,972 hair loss, giddiness and the loss of equilibrium? 61 00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,515 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just give me the serum. 62 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:07,020 (chuckles) It was worth it. 63 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:11,608 -(thudding) -(Homer giggling) 64 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,279 Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home? 65 00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:19,616 I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet. 66 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,743 (chuckles) Gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh? 67 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,537 Hmm? 68 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:27,999 Mmm, invisible cola. 69 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:30,835 Mmm. 70 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,339 (chuckles) Time to stick it to the man. 71 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,090 Hey, hey. Careful there, Homer. 72 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:37,675 I heard somebody lost an arm in there once. 73 00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:40,011 (scoffs) That's just an old wives' tale. 74 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:43,723 (grunting, straining) 75 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,726 (grunting) 76 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:49,437 Just a little more-- 77 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,606 (grunts) 78 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,900 Got it. (screams) 79 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:55,610 I'm stuck. Help me. 80 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,528 -He's done for! -Let's get outta here! 81 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,614 (both yelling) 82 00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:02,992 (grunting) 83 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,038 (grunts) Must... get to ballet. 84 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:10,250 Promised Marge. (grunts) 85 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:14,295 HOMER: Hello? Can I get some help? 86 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,340 Snack-related mishap. 87 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:21,261 (grunting) 88 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,346 Mmm. Candy. 89 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,309 -(phone rings) -Hello? 90 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,979 Marge, this may be hard to believe, 91 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,773 but I'm trapped inside two vending machines. 92 00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:36,734 (loud sigh) Sure, Homer. 93 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,570 Trapped in vending machines. Okay. 94 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,656 Would you two like to go to the ballet? 95 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:45,243 -(snorts) That's girl stuff. -(doorbell rings) 96 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,703 Thanks, Marge. 97 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,621 When my husband left, he took all our power tools, 98 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,750 along with the car, my youth, my faith in mankind. 99 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,670 Well, see ya. 100 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,213 Mmm. Hey, wait! 101 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,007 ♪♪ (classical) 102 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,053 ♪♪ (continues) 103 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,855 Vyachepov's loins oughta be outlawed. 104 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:16,232 (giggling) 105 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,942 (scoffs) Far too much dancing, 106 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,278 not nearly enough prancing. 107 00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,696 A little mincing would be nice. 108 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,619 (all gasp) 109 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,663 -(glass shattering) -(buzzer buzzes) 110 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,665 (applause) 111 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,043 Well, thank you for a lovely time. 112 00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,003 You're not going home already, are you? 113 00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,421 It's almost 9:30. 114 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,382 (laughs) Yeah, right. We better turn in. 115 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,259 (laughs) 116 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,470 Oh, you were serious. 117 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:50,350 Oh, I'm gonna have these things on my arms forever. 118 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,978 ♪♪ ("Wedding March") 119 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,356 (guests cheering) 120 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:02,278 -Candy and sodas for all. -(cheering) 121 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,572 Mmm, convenient. 122 00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:07,658 Homer, this-- this is never easy to say. 123 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,494 I'm gonna have to saw your arms off. 124 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,205 -They'll grow back, right? -Oh, yeah. 125 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,415 -Whew. -(whirring) 126 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,043 Homer, are you just holding on to the can? 127 00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:19,670 -Your point being? -(men laughing) 128 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,346 I envy you and Homer. 129 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,264 Thank you. 130 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,766 Why? 131 00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:34,519 If you ever met my ex-husband, you'd understand. 132 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,771 All he ever did was eat, sleep and drink beer. 133 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,439 Your point being? 134 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,817 And to top it off, he's been stiffing me 135 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,443 on child support for the last four months. 136 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,946 (groans) Well, you were unlucky. 137 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,156 But there are a lot of good men out there. 138 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,784 Hey, can I throw up in your bathroom? 139 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,662 -I'll buy something. -(shudders) 140 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:58,459 Marge, I know you didn't believe me 141 00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,919 about the vending machines. 142 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:03,381 That's why I had the firemen write me a note. 143 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:07,176 "Mrs. Simpson: While we were rescuing your husband, 144 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,011 a lumberyard burned down." 145 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,722 D'oh! Lumber has a million uses. 146 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:14,809 I'm disappointed in you, but it turns out 147 00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,769 I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. 148 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,563 In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night. 149 00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,356 Marge, that's twice. 150 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,525 I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman. 151 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,068 Homer, please. 152 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,487 You know it's hard for me to make friends. 153 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,574 (laughs) Oh, Marge, we should do this every Thursday. 154 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,659 Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk. 155 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:34,328 -(hissing) -Oh, look. It's doing it again. 156 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,581 (all screaming) 157 00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,958 Marge, you can't go out on Saturday. 158 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,627 That's our special night. 159 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,296 What's so special about it? 160 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,964 What's so-- Oh, I don't know. 161 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:48,509 A little show called "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman"? 162 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:49,844 (groans) 163 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,307 -Where're you going? -I don't know. 164 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:56,058 -When will you be home? -I'm not sure. 165 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,227 -Where're you going? -You already asked me that. 166 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,937 Will you bring me back something? 167 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,063 (horn honks) 168 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,231 Don't wait up. 169 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,237 How can you do this, Marge? 170 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,656 How can you desert your children? 171 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,075 -Have a blast, Mom. -Rock the Casbah. 172 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,036 Man's best friend indeed. 173 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,120 Whoa. 174 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,875 You look... nice. 175 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,211 Tonight has nothing to do with nice. 176 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,921 Tonight's all about... 177 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:28,633 ♪ Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows ev-- ♪ 178 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,468 Oh. Sorry, Marge. Wrong tape. 179 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:33,888 ♪ Welcome to the jungle we got fun and games ♪ 180 00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,890 -♪ We got everything... ♪ -(Marge screams) 181 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,188 I can't believe your mother went out 182 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,231 to have fun without me. 183 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:45,024 Don't worry. 184 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,109 You'll feel better once we put your hair up in curlers 185 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,195 and give you a makeover, Homina. 186 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:50,821 (high-pitched voice) Oh, that would be delight-- 187 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,156 (normal voice) Quiet, boy. 188 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,492 There's nothing to feel ashamed of here. 189 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,410 Women have a right to a night out. Right, Lisa? 190 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,746 Sure, Dad. (imitates whip cracking) 191 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,915 That's it! I'm calling my buddies. 192 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:03,834 Marge is not the only one who can have a girls' night out. 193 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,337 Oh, no can do, Homer. I'm watching the game. 194 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,966 Shave up not down, you idiot. 195 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,717 Ooh, sounds delish. 196 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,344 Let me just toss some jeans on and-- 197 00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:15,596 Wait a minute. Who is this? 198 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,765 -(phone ringing) -Well, howdilly dodilly-do. 199 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,393 -(line clicks, dial tone) -Hello? 200 00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:23,020 Hello? Hellodilly-odilly? 201 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:26,482 Fine. I can have a great time all by myself. 202 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,276 Hey, Dad, I think state and federal laws 203 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:29,986 require us to have a babysitter. 204 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,530 (chuckles) Oh, Lisa. Haven't you seen "Home Alone"? 205 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:34,323 If some burglars come, 206 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,618 it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation. 207 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,745 You're absolutely right, Homer. 208 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,789 We don't need a babysitter. 209 00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,249 Wait a second. 210 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,918 Hmm... 211 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,546 You kids do need a babysitter. 212 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,798 Blast that infernal card. 213 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,509 Don't give that card to me. 214 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:57,096 -Here you go-- No! -(doorbell rings) 215 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,807 Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, 216 00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,767 and I couldn't help overhearing that 217 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,227 you need a babysitter. 218 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,438 Of course, being a highly skilled attorney, 219 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:09,191 my fee is $175 an hour. 220 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,651 We pay eight dollars for the night, 221 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:11,819 and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer. 222 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,404 -Three. -Two. 223 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,781 Okay, two, and I get to keep this old birdcage. 224 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,117 -Done. -Still got it. 225 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,787 MARGE: Oh, I've heard a lot about Shot Kickers. 226 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,540 ♪♪ (country) 227 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,464 (grunts) How come no one else's chair is doing this? 228 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,593 Hey, baby. Feel like getting lucky? 229 00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:37,219 I am lucky. 230 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,930 I have a husband and three wonderful children. 231 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,557 Thank you very much. 232 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,269 Listen, baby. I always get what I want. 233 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,313 -I said no. -Oh, did ya? 234 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,399 Oh, I completely misunderstood. Please accept our apologies. 235 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:54,236 Sometimes you gotta go where everybody knows your name. 236 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,738 Hey, guys! 237 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,282 (fan squeaking) 238 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,036 Moe, get the darts. I wanna play. 239 00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:04,246 No. We're phasing out the games. 240 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,040 People drink less when they're having fun. 241 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:07,041 Oh. 242 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,421 Oh, sure. Like lawyers work in big skyscrapers 243 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,631 and have secretaries. 244 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,883 Look at him. He's wearing a belt. 245 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,635 That's Hollywood for you. 246 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:21,681 MARGE: Ooh, I've never been to an underground club. 247 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:25,142 ♪♪ (dance) 248 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,769 Don't you think your hair is a bit much? 249 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,396 Hey, Mrs. Simpson, 250 00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:32,608 you should try one of these smart drinks. (laughs) 251 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:36,028 Oh, wow. I've wasted my life. 252 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,822 Would you, uh, care to dance? 253 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,199 Mayor Quimby! What are you doing here? 254 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:41,659 I'm here with my nephews. 255 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,911 Oh, that's nice. 256 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:52,461 Ooh, jet. Whoo-hoo! It's Garrett Morris's birthday. 257 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,587 Hmph. 258 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,881 This is not a library. 259 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,134 This is not a Kwik-E-Mart. 260 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,721 What was it you wanted to show me? 261 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,180 -This. -(gasps) 262 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,474 You're not gonna hunt me for sport, are you? 263 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,143 (chuckles) Relax, Marge. 264 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:10,146 I'd never turn a gun on a human being. 265 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,564 My husband, on the other hand. 266 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:14,066 (gunshots) 267 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,610 -Come on. You try it. -No. I couldn't. 268 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,321 Yeah. Just breathe slowly and squeeze the-- 269 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,699 (gunshots) 270 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,617 I hit it! I hit it! 271 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,579 My cans. My precious antique cans. 272 00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,914 Aw, look what you done to 'em. 273 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,291 Well, it's getting late. 274 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:32,293 Maybe we should call it a night. 275 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:35,463 It's only midnight. Come on. I know a place. 276 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,631 Whoa. 277 00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:40,092 Beautiful, huh? 278 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,052 Homer and I used to come up here on dates. 279 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:48,601 Homer, stop that. It's just a weather station. 280 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:52,813 (grunts) Come on, Marge. It's fun to smash things. 281 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:56,275 (laughs) I smashed it good. 282 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,527 You got real "purdy" hair. 283 00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,987 You know, Marge, 284 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,489 of all the places we've been tonight, 285 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,741 I think I like this one the best. 286 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:04,950 Mmm. Me too. 287 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:08,746 Look, you can see our houses. 288 00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,247 MARGE: There's an awful lot of black smoke 289 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,999 coming from my chimney. 290 00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:15,878 Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal papers? 291 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,881 As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. 292 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,467 Say hello to Miguel Sanchez. 293 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,636 Mmm, maybe we should call it a night. 294 00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:26,347 Okay. I should get home to my daughter 295 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:28,641 before that naked talk show comes on. 296 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,643 (starts engine) 297 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:32,603 Ah, young love. 298 00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,191 The old make-out place. 299 00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:41,195 Hey, a new weather station! 300 00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:45,241 I'll bash it good. Oh... 301 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,660 It's just no fun without Marge. 302 00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:53,874 Ah, there's nothing like moonshine from your own still. 303 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,210 Oh, Simpson. 304 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,878 What are you doing here? 305 00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,506 My wife's having a girls' night out. 306 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,299 Ah, just get one of those inflatable women. 307 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,467 But make sure it's a woman though. 308 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,053 'Cause one time I-- (stammering) 309 00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,182 Come on. I'll, uh-- I'll give you a ride home. 310 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:16,647 (groans) I miss you, Marge. 311 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,107 Huh. Their left taillight's 312 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,817 a little smaller than their right one. 313 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:22,820 -I better pull 'em over. -(siren wails) 314 00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:26,156 -I think they want us to stop. -Fat chance. 315 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,576 -This car's stolen. -Stolen? 316 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,870 -(revs engine) -(Marge screams) 317 00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:34,081 Looks like we got ourselves an old-fashioned car chase. 318 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,750 ♪♪ (pop) 319 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:37,960 ♪ Sunshine, lollipops ♪ 320 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,838 ♪ And rainbows, everything ♪ 321 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:45,050 ♪ That's wonderful is what I feel when we're together ♪ 322 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:48,846 ♪ Brighter than a lucky penny when you're near ♪ 323 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,806 ♪ The rain clouds disappear dear and I feel so fine... ♪ 324 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,439 (siren wails) 325 00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:00,566 Ruth, is there something you wanna tell me? 326 00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:01,942 Remember when I said 327 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,028 my ex-husband was behind on his child support? 328 00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,446 Mm-hmm. 329 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:07,740 Well, to even things up, I kind of stole his car. 330 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,408 Didn't you realize all you had to do was 331 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:11,118 report him to the police? 332 00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:14,246 Marge, you're the levelheaded friend I never had. 333 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,247 (groans) 334 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:20,002 We're in pursuit of two female suspects. 335 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,379 One is wearing a green dress, pearls, 336 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,131 and has a lot of blue hair. 337 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,842 A lot of blue hair? (giggles) What a freak. 338 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,429 -(car hits bump) -Ooh! 339 00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,306 (screams) It's Marge! 340 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,016 She's become a crazed criminal 341 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,976 just because I didn't take her to the ballet. 342 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,562 That's exactly how Dillinger got started. 343 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:39,688 Really? 344 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,066 I don't wanna be a wet blanket, 345 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:43,359 but maybe you should give yourself up. 346 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,194 Marge, it's a matter of principle. 347 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,696 I just can't let that deadbeat win again. 348 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,865 You're with me, aren't ya? 349 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,242 (thinking) I should say something reassuring yet noncommittal. 350 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:53,911 (groans) 351 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:55,579 Look, Marge, there's no reason 352 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,748 for you to get dragged into this. 353 00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,333 Once we lose the cops, I'll let you out. 354 00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,376 Well, I don't think they're gonna be 355 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:01,585 that easy to lose. 356 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,629 These are professional lawmen and-- 357 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,966 Oh, my God! It just disappeared. 358 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,052 It's a ghost car! 359 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,972 -(tires screech) -(grunts) 360 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,432 There are ghost cars all over these highways, you know. 361 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,434 -Hold me. -Only if you hold me. 362 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,144 (coyote howling) 363 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,105 (shuddering) 364 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,943 You can call a cab in there. 365 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,655 Well... bye. 366 00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,616 I'm sorry about all this. 367 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,952 But you gotta admit, we did have some fun. 368 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,954 Yeah. Everything before the high-speed chase 369 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,039 was just lovely. 370 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:42,167 Hey. You're a good friend, Marge. 371 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,711 Mmm. 372 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,511 (coin clatters) 373 00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,097 This cross-country flight from the law would be hell 374 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,140 if we didn't stick together. 375 00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:58,642 Hey. Friends stick together. 376 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:01,020 It's amazing how through all this adversity, 377 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:02,563 we managed to stick together. 378 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:04,898 If there's one thing decent folk do, 379 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,608 it's stick together. 380 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,777 I hate it when the waffles stick together. 381 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,071 Sticking together is what good waffles do. 382 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,990 (groans) 383 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,661 (siren wailing) 384 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,373 Thanks, kid. 385 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,335 Marge, what are you doing? 386 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:27,713 Ruth, I've done a lot of thinking, 387 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,923 and I really consider you a friend. 388 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,759 And an important part of friendship is-- 389 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:33,886 -(tires screech) -(Marge screams) 390 00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,971 -(siren blaring) -You stupid kid! 391 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,973 You know that drives away all my business. 392 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,184 See you tomorrow, loser. 393 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,354 (sizzling) 394 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,815 Mmm, engine-block eggs. 395 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,069 If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty. 396 00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:53,030 -That's them! -Quiet. I can't hear the eggs. 397 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,823 (snoring) 398 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,784 (grunts) 399 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:57,993 Hey, it's morning, 400 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,661 and Mom and Dad aren't home yet. 401 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:00,913 Don't worry. Mr. Hutz is still here 402 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:01,914 to take care of us. 403 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:04,583 Don't touch my stuff! 404 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:08,170 Hey. This isn't the Y.M.C.A. 405 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,880 Dispatch, this is Chief Wiggum 406 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:12,966 back in pursuit of the rebelling women. 407 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,134 MAN (on radio): All right. Your current location? 408 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,136 Oh. Uh, I'm, uh-- 409 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,931 I'm on a road. Looks to be asphalt. 410 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:22,142 Um, aw, geez. Trees, shrubs. 411 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:25,729 I'm directly under the Earth's sun... now. 412 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,731 MAN (on TV): We now interrupt this program 413 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,691 for a special bulletin. 414 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,736 We've just received word of a high-speed desert chase. 415 00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,322 The suspects have been identified as Ruth Powers 416 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:38,200 and Marge Simpson of Springfield. 417 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,035 -(gasps) -Cool. 418 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,996 I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up 419 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,541 and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors. 420 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,000 Eh, shut your yap. 421 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,085 At the risk of editorializing, 422 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,962 these women are guilty 423 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,840 and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. 424 00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:55,300 Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women, 425 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,678 leading to anarchy of biblical proportions. 426 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,765 It's in Revelations, people! 427 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,311 (sirens blaring) 428 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:10,190 Look. We're only two miles from the state line. 429 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,400 We're gonna make it. 430 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:13,277 We're gonna be okay. 431 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,283 My God! That must be every policeman in Springfield. 432 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:24,121 That's it. I give up. 433 00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,456 A single mother can't win in a man's world. 434 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,750 Ruth, that's a lot of hooey. 435 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,127 It's not over until it's over. 436 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,006 I'm sorry. I should've asked first. 437 00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:38,135 No, Marge. You did it. We really are gonna make it now. 438 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,973 Oh, no! 439 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,766 They're headed right for the Grand Chasm. 440 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,810 Oh, my God! They're gonna drive right into it 441 00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,104 just to teach us men a lesson. 442 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,856 And it's all my fault! 443 00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:55,152 Marge. Marge! 444 00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,820 -Homer? -Look, Marge. 445 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,281 I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. 446 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,699 I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy 447 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:01,909 in the bathtub. 448 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:02,951 I'm sorry I used your wedding dress 449 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,369 to wax the car. 450 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,246 And I'm sorry-- Oh, well, let's just say 451 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,123 I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point. 452 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,876 You're right. I am lucky to have him. 453 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,755 But, please, Marge, don't drive into that chasm! 454 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:16,590 BOTH: Chasm? 455 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:18,467 (tires screech) 456 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,678 (Homer and Wiggum screaming) 457 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,557 (thud) 458 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:32,147 Ha! And to think those idiot environmentalists 459 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,192 were protesting this landfill. 460 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,403 Solid waste. I could kiss you. 461 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,530 (loud kiss) Yech. 462 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,366 (kiss) Ew! 463 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:43,742 (kiss) Ugh! 464 00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:47,037 (kiss) Ooh, I think this was pizza. 465 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:51,250 MAN: Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. 466 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:54,419 The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges 467 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:57,339 and forced him to pay all back child support. 468 00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,549 Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, 469 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:01,260 one Lionel Hutz. 470 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:03,720 Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, 471 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:07,266 A.K.A. Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc, 472 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:10,102 was paid eight dollars for his 32 hours of babysitting. 473 00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:11,687 He was glad to get it. 474 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,397 Marge Simpson was charged with 475 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,942 a violation of penal code section 618a, 476 00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:20,070 wanton destruction of precious antique cans. 477 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:22,948 She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans 478 00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,950 and $2,000 in punitive damages 479 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:27,577 and mental anguish. 480 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:30,289 Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of 481 00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:32,666 the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center 482 00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:35,627 at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing. 483 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:36,628 Whoo-hoo! 484 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,220 ♪♪ 485 00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:48,617 Shh! 486 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,914 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.