♪ The Simpsons ♪
(bell ringing)
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Aah! -(tires screeching)
ANNOUNCER: We now return to Knightboat, the crime-solving boat.
Faster, Knightboat. We've got to catch those starfish poachers.
You don't have to yell, Michael. I'm all around you.
Oh, no! They're headed for land.
We'll never catch them now.
Incorrect. Look! A canal.
Go, Knightboat, go!
Oh, every week there's a canal.
-Or an inlet. -Or a fjord.
Quiet! I will not hear another word against the boat.
Okay, TV off-- It's family time.
Oh, but, Marge!
Knightboat-- The crime-solving boat.
Homer, you promised--
One night of family time a week.
Besides, that back-talking boat sets a bad example.
Says you, woman.
(all groaning)
All right, family time begins now.
(ticking)
(yawns)
(rapid ticking)
Homer!
It was Bart.
Why don't we all look at the photo album?
So many memories.
Ah, look...
Knightboat.
LISA AND BART: Aw...
And here's our TV next to the mirror.
It looks like we have two.
-Wow. Two. -Wow. Two.
Yeah, yeah, yeah-- Two.
Let's get to the baby pictures.
(Homer, Bart and Lisa groan)
That's exciting.
BART: Oh, please.
(Lisa chuckling)
(Bart snickering)
Here's Bart sleeping.
Here he is dozing.
Here he is after a visit from the sandman.
Ooh, here's nappy-time, Bart.
Here's a cute one-- He's all tuckered out.
Why aren't there any pictures of Maggie?
Well, I'm glad you asked.
It's actually a very interesting story.
(Bart and Lisa groan)
It all began about two years ago before Maggie was even born.
Bart, you were Lisa's age.
And Lisa, you were... The age Bart was several years ago.
Get the camera ready.
(yawning) Bart very sleepy.
Listen carefully, and my words will shape images
as clear as any TV show.
It was a tumultuous time for our nation.
The clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live.
The information superhighway showed the average person
what some nerd thinks about Star Trek
and the domestication of the dog continued unabated.
I was at my workstation when suddenly...
MAN: Attention, American workers.
Your plant has been taken over by an all-star team
of freelance terrorists.
Not on my shift!
(karate yells)
Oh, no, you don't.
Simpson 10, terrorists 8.
(chuckling)
MARGE: Homer, tell the story right.
HOMER: Okay.
(coughing)
Homer, you should see a doctor.
I don't think a healthy man
can make that kind of smell.
Your paychecks, gentlemen.
(gasps)
Whoo-hoo!
This is it.
With this single, glorious check
I'm finally completely out of debt!
Yes! With my bills paid off
I can finally quit this lousy job.
But Homer, how you going to make a living?
Don't worry about Homer J.
I've got a plan...
A plan that will fix you good.
Hey, what did we do?
Sorry. That just slipped out.
I'll miss you.
Did you hear me?
I said I quit, Monty!
And since I quit, I can do anything I want.
Is that so?
Ooh, lovely desk.
It would be too bad if someone...
Oh, I don't know...
Didn't use a coaster!
-(gasps) -(cackling)
Such a nice, tidy office.
Maybe it's time you started living like a pig!
(grunting)
(sputtering)
Oh, I hope I haven't upset you... Bongo head!
(chanting gibberish)
Oh, I should be resisting this, but I'm paralyzed with rage.
And island rhythms.
(cheering)
Yeah! Way to play the boss's head like a bongo, Homer.
He's getting a pretty good sound out of that guy.
And.... uh!
Ee! Ooh! Ow! Uh!
That's for employing me for eight years!
(laughing)
And that is that.
Good-bye, mind-numbing, backbreaking labor forever.
Hello, dream job in paradise.
(contented sigh)
And now, the final phase of my plan.
Hey, Barney, any chance you can get me a job here?
Oh, sure, Homer.
I told you, my uncle owns the place.
Hey, Uncle Al, can Homer have a job?
-Sure. -Whoo-hoo!
(giggling)
Barney, you're fired.
Okay.
Show up tomorrow. Bring three rags.
Oh, and a change of pants.
-Why? -When it happens, you'll know.
You're a pin monkey?
Wow. Finally I don't have to be ashamed
of my father's job.
I think it's romantic,
throwing off your shackles of the workday world
and following a dream... Of sorts.
I don't know if it's such a good idea.
Can we get by on a pin monkey's salary?
Don't worry, Marge.
I've come up with a perfectly balanced budget.
There will be exactly enough money
for you, me, Bart and Lisa,
if we make a few small sacrifices.
Mm-hmm.
From now on, we use regular toilet paper
not that fancy quilted kind.
(grunting)
And only one of you kids can go to college.
-Fine. -Fine.
That night your mother and I
went out for a romantic evening
to celebrate the start of our new life.
We began with dinner and dancing.
♪ At the Copa ♪
♪ Copacabana ♪
♪ The hottest spot north of Havana ♪
♪ At the Copa... ♪
(humming)
Followed by a stroll on the beach.
Marge.
Homer.
I've got sand in my underpants.
Me too. Let's go home.
(grunting)
(chuckling)
(grunting)
Whew.
I love you, Marge.
I love you, too, Homey.
Everything in our lives
is finally perfectly balanced.
I hope things stay exactly like this forever.
Mm-hmm.
-D'oh! -D'oh!
Whoo-hoo!
ALL: Eww!
Did you have to be so graphic?
It's okay, Marge.
They pave the way for this kind of filth in school.
So Dad, were you excited that Mom was pregnant?
Actually, your mother hadn't told me yet.
At that time, I had no idea Maggie even existed.
-Dad! -Dad!
Hi, Maggie.
So, anyhoo, back then there was no way for me to know
your mother was pregnant.
(retching)
Marge, you tie up the bathroom every morning.
I've got to wash my hair.
The next few weeks at my dream job
were like a wonderful waking coma.
Hey, Homer.
-Hi there, Homer. -Hi there, Homer.
-Hi, Homer. -Hi, there, Homer.
Hi.
(sniffing)
Mmm, bowling fresh.
(sniffing)
Mmm, urinal fresh.
(pins clatter)
(bell dings)
(whirring)
(bell dings)
Homer, did you polish your head in the Shine-o Ball-o?
-No. -Okay, then.
Whoo!
I slowly learned
the intricate mysteries of the alley,
like where the pins go after they're knocked down.
♪♪
Mm-hmm.
I was in heaven.
If horse racing is the sport of kings,
then surely bowling is a very good sport as well.
Hey, great job, Homer.
Thanks a lot, Homer.
Hey, you're the best.
♪ I'm gonna make it after all ♪
(grunts)
Congratulations, Mrs. Simpson. You're pregnant.
Mmm...
Am I to take it that this is--
(chuckles)
...an unwanted pregnancy?
Oh, no, no, not exactly.
It's just that I haven't told Homer yet.
And with his new job,
I don't know how we're going to be able to afford this.
Well, you know, a healthy baby can bring upwards of $60,000.
-What? -Well, of course, that was just a test.
Had you reacted differently, why, you'd be in jail right now.
Simply a test.
(laughing)
So in a few months,
both of you will have a brand new brother or sister.
Been there. Done that.
I hope it's a girl.
You know nothing about genetics, Lis.
It goes boy, girl, boy, girl.
You're worried about telling Dad, aren't you, Mom?
Why do you say that?
Well, you've been in my room for about four hours now.
Hey, I'm just hanging.
Homey, I...
Can't talk. Praying.
Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me,
and I am thankful.
For the first time in my life,
everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is.
Mmm...
So here's the deal.
You freeze everything as it is,
and I won't ask for anything more.
If that is okay,
please give me absolutely no sign.
Okay, deal.
In gratitude, I present you this offering
of cookies and milk.
If you want me to eat them for you,
give me no sign.
Thy will be done.
(gulping)
Oogie-boogie-boogie- boogie-boogie-boo.
Oogie-boogie- boogie-boogie-boo.
(coughing)
(baby coughs)
I've got to tell Homer about this baby
in just the right way and at just the right time.
Until then, please, keep this to yourselves.
Oh, if he found out now,
it would probably destroy him, huh?
Oh, yes.
-Gotta go. -Gotta go.
Wait a minute! Wait! I know that look.
Now, promise you won't tell Homer.
Oh, we promise we won't tell... Homer.
Hello, is this A. Aaronson?
It might interest you to know
that Marge Simpson is pregnant again.
Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zakowski.
(sighs) There.
Aaronson and Zakowski are the two biggest gossips in town.
In an hour, everyone will know.
Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life
with my perfect job.
Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box.
That's nice work, Homer.
Thank you!
Thank you very much. It is nice work.
Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard
about the little bundle of joy.
-Congratulations, sir. -It's true.
The bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money.
Hey, Homer!
Way to get Marge pregnant.
Heh-heh-heh.
This is getting very abstract, but thank you.
I do enjoy working at the bowling alley.
ALL: Surprise! Baby shower!
Baby shower?
You know I haven't told Homer yet,
and he'll be home any minute.
-Oh, really? -Oh, really?
(gasps)
Phew.
Man, it's windy as hell out there.
Hey, wait a minute.
What are all these presents?
It looks like you're showering Marge with gifts.
Hmm...
With little tiny, baby-sized gifts.
Well, I'll be in the tub.
By the way,
congratulations on your new job, Homer.
New job?
Marge is pregnant?
No!
(screaming)
(door slamming)
Wow, Dad. You really threw a tantrum
like a little sissy girl?
Oh, just that one time.
Actually, when I was about to have Bart...
(gasps) You're pregnant?
(screaming)
And then when I told him about Lisa...
You're pregnant again?
(screaming)
-(screaming) -(door slams)
Well, who wouldn't be upset?
That new baby in your mother's womb
was a ticking time bomb
threatening to blow this family eight ways from Sunday.
Hey, where are you going?
Dad, you can't expect a person to sit for 30 minutes straight.
I'm going to get a snack and maybe go to the bathroom.
I'll stay here, but I'm going to think
about products I might like to purchase.
Ooh... Mmm...
Ooh... I don't have that.
Oh... You're pregnant!
We're gonna have to have a baby.
All our financial plans are ruined.
We're doomed.
Doomed, I tells ya!
(screaming)
Pow!
Bart, let your father tell the story.
Yeah.
Okay, but I know funny.
Anyhoo...
(sobbing) We're doomed.
-MARGE: Homer, you had a head. -HOMER: Check.
MARGE: And your bottom was a little bigger.
Aw...
You've worked hard at the bowling alley.
Why don't you ask for a raise?
Yeah, a raise.
I've never been good enough at any job
to deserve one before,
but I'm damn good at this one.
That's it. I'm going to march right up to Al and say...
Steve... I mean, Al,
I think I deserve a raise.
You're a hard worker,
and I'd like to give you a raise,
but the alley just ain't doing enough business
to pay that kind of money.
How about if I triple the business?
Then could I get a raise?
Well, yeah, but...
Ah, ah.
Of course.
(gun cocks)
Bowling. Bowling here.
Come bowl now.
Get your bowling.
Who's ready? Bowling.
Mom, make Dad tell the story right.
That's what really happened.
Oh.
HOMER: My marketing plan attracted
a record number of police and fire officials,
but few stayed to bowl.
I failed.
Quitting my dream job
was the hardest thing I've ever done.
You did a great job, Homer,
and I'm really gonna miss you.
The place has never been cleaner.
And the way you kept the young people away--
That was beautiful.
(murmuring in agreement)
Anyway, we all pitched in, and we got you
this little going-away thing.
(sniffles)
This was the happiest time of my life.
I'll never forget you guys, especially you, Joey.
See you around, Mr. Homer.
Don't worry, Joey.
We'll make it to California someday.
Sure we will, Mr. Homer.
Sure we will.
(coughs)
It's going to be sad around here
without you, Homer.
(all murmuring)
MAN: Boy, this is depressing.
MAN 2: Hey, I know what would cheer us up-- Bowling.
-(shouts of agreement) -(pins clattering)
(balls rolling and pins crashing)
MAN 3: Look at this. I got a ball here.
MAN #4: I'm cheered up.
MAN #5: Hey, this is fun.
HOMER: I needed more money to support my growing family,
and there was only one place in town
that a man like me could make it.
Uh-oh. Acid rain again.
(groans)
Yes? Are you a new applicant?
Actually, I quit, and I came to get my job back.
Through there.
(coughing)
So, come crawling back, eh?
Seems like the classy thing to do
would be not to call attention to it.
Thanks for giving me my old job back.
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
As punishment for your desertion,
it's company policy to give you the plague.
Uh, sir, that's the "plaque."
Ah, yes, the special demotivational plaque
to break what's left of your spirit.
Because, you see, you're here forever.
(reads plaque)
Oh...
I've never been so miserable in all my life,
but I can't take it out on Marge and the kids.
I've got to carry the burden all by myself.
Hi, Honey. How are you?
Well, actually...
Oh, I can't go on with this charade any longer.
I hate my job. I hate my life.
And ever since I found out about this baby,
there's been nothing but bad luck.
My contractions started an hour ago.
It's just in one ear and out the other with you, isn't it Marge?
This is incredible.
It's God's most wondrous miracle.
Sir, I think your wife wants to hold the baby.
My wife? Where? Where?
Congratulations. It's a boy.
Arr! You're truly the catch of the day.
It's wonderful. It's magical.
Oh, boy, here it comes-- Another mouth.
One more push should do it.
Marvelous.
(baby crying)
Congratulations, Mr. Simpson.
You have a beautiful, healthy baby.
Okay.
Huh?
Homey, I think someone is saying hello.
Hello.
Aw...
It's a boy, and what a boy!
Uh... That's the umbilical cord.
It's a girl.
A girl.
Oh, Marge, we have a wonderful baby girl.
Not just a girl--
The most beautiful baby girl in the whole world.
(sighs)
Come on, Marge, show a little enthusiasm.
So you loved her right from the start.
(giggles)
Absolutely.
Then why no pictures?
Oh, there are pictures.
I keep them where I need the most cheering up.
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.