1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,839 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,136 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,178 (tires screech) 4 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:15,223 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:18,059 -Aah! -(tires screeching) 6 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,415 Looks like you got a leak. 7 00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:41,875 Could you start fixing it pretty soon? 8 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,460 The basement is getting awfully flooded 9 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,170 and I think the cat's down there. 10 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,880 (gurgling meow) 11 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,465 Yeah, I probably won't be able 12 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:51,468 to get the parts I need for two... three weeks. 13 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,804 And that's if I order them today, which I won't. 14 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:55,930 Oh, dear. 15 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,807 (beeping) 16 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,019 Emergency call. Gotta go. 17 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,979 What should we do until you get back? 18 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,022 Put a pan down there. 19 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,321 Oh, it didn't work. 20 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,491 (honking) 21 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,201 Lousy traffic jams. 22 00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:17,619 (chuckles) 23 00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:20,246 The traffic report will get me out of this one. 24 00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,332 This is Arnie Pie. 25 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,875 Looks like we got a little accident 26 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,210 that's backing traffic up 27 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,504 as far as this reporter can see. 28 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,307 Hi, Dad. 29 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:40,517 (mutters) 30 00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:49,275 Hey, how come you guys got such great parking places? 31 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,111 It's a secret. 32 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,153 Shh! Shut up. 33 00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:56,533 -(metal creaks) -Ow! 34 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:04,082 All right, Econo-save, you just made the list. 35 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,964 Hey, will you guys help me fix my... 36 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:17,011 Hey, how come you guys got better chairs than me? 37 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:18,263 It's a secret. 38 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,722 Shh! Shut up. 39 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,647 Hey, you guys want to go bowling tonight? 40 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:28,690 Nah, we're busy. 41 00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,525 Yeah, we got things to do. 42 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,485 Like what? 43 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,945 It's a secret. 44 00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:35,029 (gulping) 45 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,073 Shut up. 46 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,411 So anyway, Lenny and Karl are never around on Wednesdays, 47 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:42,787 and they don't tell me where they go. 48 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,372 It's like a conspiracy. 49 00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,374 A conspiracy, eh? You think they might be involved 50 00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:48,668 in the Kennedy assassination in some way? 51 00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,546 I do now. 52 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,882 Anyway, I'm going to follow them tonight and see where they go. 53 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,342 Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. 54 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,636 It's so illegal. 55 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,513 Remember when you were stalking 56 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,056 Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden? 57 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,975 Well, something did. 58 00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,768 I don't want you stalking anyone tonight. 59 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,729 Oh, okay, have it your own way, Marge. 60 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,356 I'll be back in a minute. 61 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,526 I'm going outside... 62 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:14,819 to... 63 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,362 stalk... 64 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,948 Lenny and Karl... 65 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,116 D'oh! 66 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,299 (chuckles) 67 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,469 All I had to do is follow the yellow drip road. 68 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,644 There's our secret meeting place. 69 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,188 -Yes, let's go inside. -Sounds good. 70 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,569 Whoop. 71 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,453 (giggling) 72 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:06,913 I can see everything. 73 00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,957 And they're none the wiser. (chuckles) 74 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,250 (glass cracking) 75 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,586 Ooh. Ooh... (whimpering) 76 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:14,712 (screaming) 77 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,844 -An intruder. -He will pay the ultimate price. 78 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,639 Yes, the ultimate price. 79 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,349 Get out of here. 80 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,143 (door slams) 81 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,229 I saw weird stuff 82 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,730 in that place last night. 83 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,107 Weird, strange, sick, twisted, 84 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,359 eerie, godless, evil stuff, 85 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,986 and I want in. 86 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,446 We don't know what you're talking about, Homer. 87 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,614 And you can't join the Stonecutters 88 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,533 because it's too exclusive. 89 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:47,704 Well, it was a real nice secret organization we had once. 90 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,580 Stonecutters, eh? How do I join? 91 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,708 There are only two ways to gain membership. 92 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,251 Be the son of a Stonecutter... 93 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:54,544 Next. 94 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,004 Or save the life of a Stonecutter. 95 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,922 Hey! 96 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,424 I saved your life. 97 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,427 That egg sandwich could have killed you by cholesterol. 98 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,095 Forget it, Homer. 99 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,222 While it has been established that eggs contain cholesterol, 100 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,058 it has not yet been proven conclusively that they actually raise the level 101 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,811 of serum cholesterol in the human bloodstream. 102 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:12,937 So one of those Egg Council creeps 103 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,105 got to you too, huh? 104 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,982 You got it all wrong, Homer. 105 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,942 It's not like that. 106 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,404 You'd better run, egg! 107 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,698 Why don't people like me, Marge? 108 00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:26,743 Everyone likes you. You're a wonderful person. 109 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,244 Why don't those stupid idiots 110 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,038 let me in their crappy club for jerks? 111 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,622 I'm sure it's nothing personal, Homer. 112 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,291 It is. 113 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,626 It's been happening to me all my life. 114 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,464 Hey, Billy! Hey, Joey! 115 00:05:39,547 --> 00:05:41,883 Come on in. There's plenty of room. 116 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,635 -Sorry. Not you, Homer. -Why not? 117 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,640 -But you let in Homer Glumplet. -(chuckles) 118 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,727 It says "No Homers." 119 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,395 We're allowed to have one. 120 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:55,813 (groans) 121 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,524 I felt so left out. 122 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,109 Kids can be so cruel. 123 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,486 We can? 124 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:02,904 Thanks, Mom! 125 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,697 LISA: Ow, cut it out, Bart! 126 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,407 (Bart laughing) 127 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,910 I'd give anything to get in to the Stonecutters. 128 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:09,911 What do they do there, Dad? 129 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,329 I'm a member. 130 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,748 What do they do? What don't they do? 131 00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:16,793 (chuckles) Oh, they do so many things, they never stop. 132 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,712 Oh, the things they do there-- My stars! 133 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,089 You don't know what they do there, do you? 134 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,006 Not as such, no. 135 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,424 I'm a Stonecutter. 136 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,259 Dad, remember those self-hypnosis classes 137 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,220 we took to help us ignore Grampa? 138 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,055 Do I ever. It's five years later, 139 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,681 and I still think I'm a chicken. 140 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,934 -I'm a chicken, Marge. -I know, I know. 141 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,936 Maybe we should be listening to him, now. 142 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,354 I'm a member. 143 00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,981 -Huh? What? -What? Huh? 144 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,234 You're a member of the Stonecutters, Grampa? 145 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,736 Oh, sure, let's see. 146 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,948 I'm an Elk, a Mason, a communist. 147 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:49,992 I'm the president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance 148 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,577 for some reason. 149 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,996 Ah! Here it is! The Stonecutters! 150 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,290 Oh! This is it! My ticket in. 151 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,335 They have to let me join if I'm the son of a member. 152 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,671 I'll take this communist one too. 153 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,673 Coming through. Can't throw me out. 154 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,508 My father's a member. 155 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,010 -I'm in. I'm in. -Okay, okay. Homer, you're in. 156 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,096 Just don't point that thing at me. 157 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,722 -(grunts) -Ah, thanks, Lenny. 158 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,933 When am I going to be initiated? 159 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,518 As soon as Number One gets here. 160 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,395 Number One? (laughs) 161 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:20,356 What kind of stupid wiener name is that? 162 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,860 Hello. My name is Number One. 163 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,153 (laughs) 164 00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,779 And so forth. 165 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,114 We call each other by number, not by name. 166 00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:30,199 Carl is number 14. I'm number 12. 167 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,784 Burnsie is number 29. 168 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,578 You outrank Mr. Burns here? 169 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,037 Sure, watch. 170 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,622 Hey, 29, get over here. 171 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,876 (honking) 172 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,503 Thank you, sir. May I have another? 173 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,008 Patience, Monty. 174 00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,509 Climb the ladder. 175 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:51,888 Is he the leader? 176 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,264 Of this chapter. 177 00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:54,599 There are chapters all over the world. 178 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,392 And it has been foretold 179 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,394 that someday a chosen one will... 180 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,980 Okay, okay. I didn't ask for your life story. 181 00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,066 (crowd chuckling) 182 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,736 Let the initiation begin. 183 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:10,490 All Stonecutters must take the leap of faith. 184 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,783 If you survive this five-story plunge, 185 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,327 your character will be proven. 186 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,496 (whimpering) 187 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,872 Happy landings. 188 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,458 -(grunts) -(Stonecutters laughing) 189 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,835 (wood cracking) 190 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:23,836 (yelling) 191 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,087 (thud) 192 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:29,217 (cracking and yelling) 193 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,303 HOMER: I think I have to do it again. 194 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,430 My blindfold came off. 195 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,391 This ritual is called "Crossing the Desert." 196 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,228 Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! 197 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,314 And this we call "The Unblinking Eye." 198 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,859 Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ow! 199 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,737 Hey, have you ever noticed that the "Crossing the Desert" 200 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,114 Is a lot like "The Unblinking Eye"? 201 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,367 It's exactly like "The Wreck of the Hesperus." 202 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,244 And now the final ordeal. 203 00:08:56,327 --> 00:09:00,248 "The Paddling of the Swollen Ass with Paddles." 204 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,376 Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! 205 00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:06,337 And by the sacred parchment, I swear 206 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:09,131 that if I reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters 207 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,883 may my stomach become bloated 208 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:14,554 and my head be plucked of all but three hairs. 209 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,556 Um, I think he should have to take a different oath. 210 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,641 Everyone takes the same oath. 211 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,310 Welcome to the club, number 908. 212 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,355 You have joined the Sacred Order of the Stonecutters 213 00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:27,608 who since ancient times have split the rocks of ignorance 214 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,653 that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. 215 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,947 Now let's all get drunk and play ping-pong. 216 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,865 (cheering) 217 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,409 'Cause he's already kind of heavy, you know, and-- 218 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:40,871 Well, to be honest 219 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,499 I never got around to ordering that part for you. 220 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,294 So it's still going to be a couple of weeks. 221 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,837 Oh, really? 222 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,422 Yes. 223 00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:50,881 Really? 224 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,341 Yes. Yes! 225 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,176 But what if I were to shake your hand 226 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,344 in this wise? 227 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,221 Wah-wah-weh! 228 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,681 (both trilling tongues) 229 00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,392 Whoa. I didn't realize you were a member. 230 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:04,770 (meows) 231 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,063 (sputtering) 232 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,359 (chuckling) 233 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,361 So long, suckers. 234 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,369 ♪♪ (classical music plays) 235 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,375 Same old space, huh, Dad? 236 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,295 Yep, but they gave me these roller blades 237 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,964 so I can glide to the front door. 238 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:33,382 Whoa. Whoa. 239 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,550 (grunts) Whoa! 240 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,093 Whoa! 241 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,553 (chuckling) Sweet. 242 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,766 Jealous? 243 00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:44,101 Well, no. We've got the same chair. 244 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,770 You're jealous. 245 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,355 Your membership pack. 246 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,273 What's this? 247 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,984 Put that sticker on your car so you won't get any tickets. 248 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,944 This other one keeps paramedics from stealing your wallet 249 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,279 while they're working on you. 250 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,156 Oh, and don't bother calling 911 anymore. 251 00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,491 Here's the real number. 252 00:10:58,574 --> 00:10:59,909 Ooh. 253 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,704 I still don't believe 254 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:06,040 all the Founding Fathers were Stonecutters. 255 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,001 That's because you trust your stupid school books. 256 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,961 Here's what really happened 257 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,838 at the signing of the Declaration of Independence. 258 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:18,928 And a nation is born. 259 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,930 Now let us party 260 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,140 like 'twas 1799! 261 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,685 (cheering) 262 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,728 (chanting) Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! 263 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,897 Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! 264 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,148 Quaff! Quaff! Quaff! 265 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,150 Please, sir, 266 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,735 you're destroying my establishment. 267 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,278 We just created 268 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,988 the greatest democracy on earth, 269 00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,616 -you low-life commoner! -Ow! 270 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,993 You want to see how Davy Crockett really died at the Alamo? 271 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,412 You must be 18. 272 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:47,957 Homer, a man who called himself "you-know-who" 273 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,917 just invited you to a secret "wink-wink" 274 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,711 at the "you-know-what." 275 00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,505 You certainly are popular now that you're a Stonecutter. 276 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,382 Oh, yeah. 277 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:59,760 "Beer busts, beer blasts, keggers, stein hoists, 278 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,637 A.A. meetings, beer night." 279 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,389 It's wonderful, Marge. 280 00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:07,184 I've never felt so accepted in all my life. 281 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,770 These people look deep within my soul 282 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,230 and assign me a number 283 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:13,357 based on the order in which I joined. 284 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,608 (sniffles) 285 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,068 ♪♪ 286 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,740 ♪ Who controls the British crown? ♪ 287 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,075 ♪ Who keeps the metric system down? ♪ 288 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,994 ♪ We do ♪ 289 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,037 ♪ We do ♪ 290 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,248 ♪ Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? ♪ 291 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,459 ♪ Who keeps the Martians under wraps? ♪ 292 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,002 ♪ We do ♪ 293 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:35,212 ♪ We do ♪ 294 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:39,633 ♪ Who holds back the electric car? ♪ 295 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:42,386 ♪ Who makes Steve Guttenberg ♪ 296 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,929 ♪ A star? ♪ 297 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,890 ♪ We do ♪ 298 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,225 ♪ We do ♪ 299 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,436 ♪ Who robs cave fish of their sight? ♪ 300 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,438 ♪ Who rigs every Oscar night? ♪ 301 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,608 ♪ We do ♪ 302 00:12:55,691 --> 00:13:00,404 ♪ We do! ♪ 303 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:01,739 Thank you. 304 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,657 Tonight we are here to commemorate 305 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,660 our glorious society's 1,500th anniversary. 306 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:09,789 And in honor of this momentous occasion, 307 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,248 we're having ribs. 308 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,459 (cheering) 309 00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:16,545 Uh-oh. I need a bib. 310 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,172 If I slop any on my shirt, 311 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:20,090 I could lose the respect of my beloved brethren. 312 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,802 So let us rejoice and enjoy our meal 313 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:26,555 in the shadow of the hallowed sacred parchment. 314 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,226 (men gasping) 315 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,394 -Homer. -Huh? Oh. Yeah. 316 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,188 -Thanks, Lenny. -This is terrible. 317 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,857 -(murmuring) -This is just appalling and outrageous. 318 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:39,318 What? Did I miss something? 319 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,320 -(murmuring) -(groans) 320 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:42,780 Oh, God! 321 00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,032 LENNY: No! Homer, no! This is outrageous! 322 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,575 You can't do that. No! 323 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,410 You really are stupid! 324 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,621 (clamoring) 325 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:56,377 And the official Stonecutter underwear, too. 326 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,753 Aw... 327 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,008 (ghostly moaning) 328 00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,510 Please don't kick me out. 329 00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,387 This society's everything to me. 330 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,680 Please give me another chance. 331 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,723 I've learned my lesson! 332 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,725 I've learned my lesson! 333 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,436 -MAN: That's it! -(crowd clamoring) 334 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,855 -How can we punish him further? -Get him out. 335 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,065 -Oh. Sorry. -Homer Simpson, 336 00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:21,861 for your continuing and baffling desecration 337 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,071 of our beloved sacred parchment, 338 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,282 you are hereby banished 339 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,033 from the Stonecutters forever. 340 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,494 And as a final humiliation, 341 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:33,163 you must walk home naked, 342 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,750 dragging behind you the Stone of Shame. 343 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,507 (straining) 344 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,633 (gasping) 345 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,843 (all gasping) 346 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:46,886 The mark! 347 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,513 Oh, that. 348 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:50,848 It's just a birthmark. 349 00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,224 And I'll thank you not to stare. 350 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,143 He's the chosen one. 351 00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:59,648 You are the chosen one 352 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,484 whom the sacred parchment prophesied 353 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,944 would lead us to glory! 354 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,738 Now, to the top 355 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:08,198 of Mount Springfield for the coronation! 356 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,702 -Remove the Stone of Shame. -Woo-hoo! 357 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:16,582 -Attach the Stone of Triumph! -(moans) 358 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,500 (men cheering) 359 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,337 (Homer grunting) 360 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,466 (Homer giggling) 361 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,096 (Homer giggling) 362 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,556 Wow. 363 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,516 Mental note: Don't overdo this. 364 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:39,897 (giggling) 365 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:40,898 (humming) 366 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,316 Peekaboo! 367 00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,782 I always wondered if there was a god 368 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,283 and now I know. 369 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:52,743 There is, and it's me. 370 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,286 You're not a god, Homer. 371 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,497 Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting. 372 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,541 -So? -Beware the Ides of March. 373 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,752 -No. -Dad, I know you think you're happy now, 374 00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,420 but it's not gonna last forever. 375 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,297 -Everything lasts forever. -Don't you see? 376 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,049 Getting what you want all the time 377 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,884 will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless. 378 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,469 Remove the girl. 379 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,055 Dad, you're not with your Stonecutters now. 380 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,723 There are no lackeys around to carry out your every-- 381 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,392 (muffled shouts) 382 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,984 ALL: Another strike for the chosen one! 383 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,819 -Hurrah! -Whoo-hoo! 384 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,703 -Well, that's just an excellent break. -Most assuredly. 385 00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,371 -Absolutely. -Whoo-hoo! 386 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,045 Uh... 387 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,088 I'm out. 388 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,589 No, no, no, no, Homer. 389 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,676 You have the royal, um... sampler. 390 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,803 Oh, I win again, don't I? 391 00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:53,887 Whoo-hoo. 392 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,557 (all talking at once) 393 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,976 You know, I think you guys are letting me win. 394 00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:02,730 ALL: No! No, no! No! No! 395 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,566 From now on, I want you to be honest with me. 396 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,359 I mean, I'm not perfect, right? 397 00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:10,863 Uh... (stammering) 398 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,825 (stammering) 399 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:16,785 (stammering) 400 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:17,870 Run. 401 00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,204 ALL: Aah! 402 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,669 The Grand Exalted Leader requests 403 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:26,920 a moment of your time. 404 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,505 Class dismissed. 405 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,299 CHILDREN: Yay! 406 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,134 Yay! 407 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,218 (groans) 408 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,054 Lisa, you were right. 409 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,388 My happiness is fading. 410 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,640 You're experiencing spiritual emptiness 411 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,309 because your power has isolated you 412 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,727 from other human beings. 413 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,270 What do you mean, isolated? 414 00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,898 (voice echoing) 415 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,192 Well, maybe you could reach out to the community 416 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,526 and help other people. 417 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:53,072 Hmm, I could help others. 418 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,492 I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress them up, 419 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,244 and make them reenact the Civil War. (laughs) 420 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,913 Dad, that doesn't help people. 421 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:02,664 Couldn't hurt, 422 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,500 unless the monkeys started hurting people, 423 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,627 which they almost certainly would. 424 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,255 (cheering and hooting) 425 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,049 (pounding gavel) 426 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,383 Brothers! Brothers! 427 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,052 (cheering) 428 00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:19,139 Brothers, I've learned a wonderful lesson. 429 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:21,934 Helping others makes our own lives better 430 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,019 and makes us better people, 431 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,106 so instead of just shooting pool and drinking beer, 432 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,150 let us Stonecutters use what we have 433 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,860 to help the less fortunate. 434 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,654 (cricket chirping) 435 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,405 (man coughs) 436 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,241 He's gone mad with power 437 00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:39,159 like that Albert Schweitzer guy. 438 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,664 -(kids clamoring) -(Homer laughing) 439 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,459 Whee! 440 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,337 (Moe grunting in pain) 441 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,297 MOE: Ooh, for the love of God! 442 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,133 Somebody get the jaws of life! 443 00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,512 -(groaning) -Higher! 444 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,806 Higher! 445 00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,183 Oh, I'll give you higher, my filthy little urchin. 446 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,518 (groans) 447 00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,186 Ohh! 448 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,271 Ah! 449 00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:10,065 Oh. You've won this round... 450 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,066 Ohh! 451 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,070 (all grumbling) 452 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:19,575 Oh, thank you, Mr. Simpson. 453 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,577 It looks so much better. 454 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,121 -A beautiful sky blue. -(helicopter approaching) 455 00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,707 -(crowd shouting) -(glass shattering) 456 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:29,042 You were right, Lisa. 457 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:32,212 I've never felt so spiritually fulfilled. 458 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,007 And with my brothers, the Stonecutters, behind me, 459 00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,886 this is the beginning of a better world for all of us. 460 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,763 -We got to kill him! -Take it easy, Moe. 461 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,974 Let's hear from the Stonecutter World Council 462 00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,852 -before we act too rashly. -Kill him! 463 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,520 -Kill him! -Kill the fool! 464 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,105 Afraid I have to disagree 465 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,441 with Orville, Jack, and Mister. 466 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,860 Can't we just do something to his voice box? 467 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,154 We might as well face the truth. 468 00:19:57,237 --> 00:20:01,241 As long as we're Stonecutters, he will control our lives. 469 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:06,371 Maybe, but maybe we don't want to be Stonecutters no more. 470 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:14,421 BARNEY: Hey, this much better than the old Stonecutter hall. 471 00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:15,839 -(all clamoring) -Silence! 472 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,467 I now call to order the first meeting 473 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,470 of the Ancient Mystic Society of... 474 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,804 No Homers. 475 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,599 -(cheering) -(rapping on glass) 476 00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,893 Hey, fellas, can I join? 477 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,562 Sorry. No Homers. 478 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,564 -(chuckles) -Aw! 479 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:35,025 Loyal Stonecutters! 480 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:38,403 Let us begin our reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg! 481 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,073 (monkeys chattering) 482 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,075 Homer, you can't just keep hanging out 483 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,868 with these colobus monkeys. 484 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,287 Somebody's going to get parasites. 485 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:51,416 Oh, Marge, kids, I miss my club. 486 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,503 -Oh, Homie. -(monkey screeches) 487 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:58,215 You know, you are a member of a very exclusive club. 488 00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:00,801 -The Black Panthers? -No. 489 00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:02,636 The Family Simpson, 490 00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:05,389 which has just five members. 491 00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:07,307 And only two of those members 492 00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,892 have special rings. 493 00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,686 -Yeah! -Yeah! 494 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:11,895 (whistles whirring) 495 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,855 I meant our wedding rings! 496 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,440 (whistles wind down) 497 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,901 You know, Marge, you're right. 498 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:21,363 The Simpson Family is the best possible club 499 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,781 I could belong to. 500 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:25,284 -(blow lands) -HOMER: Ow! 501 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:28,829 Ow! Ah! Ack! Ah! 502 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:29,955 This club better be worth it! 503 00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:31,707 Ow! Ee! Ah! 504 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,292 All right, all right. 505 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,376 It's Lisa's turn. 506 00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:43,760 ♪♪ 507 00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,514 ♪ Who controls the British crown? ♪ 508 00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,766 ♪ Who keeps the metric system down? ♪ 509 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:53,979 ♪ We do, we do ♪ 510 00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,398 ♪ Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? ♪ 511 00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:57,983 ♪ Who keeps the Martians under wraps? ♪ 512 00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:02,529 ♪ We do, we do ♪ 513 00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:06,575 ♪ Who holds back the electric car? ♪ 514 00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:09,036 ♪ Who makes Steve Guttenberg ♪ 515 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,954 ♪ A star? ♪ 516 00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:15,000 ♪ We do, we do ♪ 517 00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,127 ♪ Who robs cave fish of their sight? ♪ 518 00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:19,254 ♪ Who rigs every Oscar night? ♪ 519 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:22,591 ♪ We do ♪ 520 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,635 ♪ We do! ♪ 521 00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:28,055 -Shh! -KARL: Shut up! 522 00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:34,019 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.