1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,547 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,219 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,220 (tires screech) 4 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,473 D'oh! 5 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,517 -Aah! -(tires screech) 6 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,834 Remember, Bart-- 7 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,878 I mean, Dances in Underwear-- 8 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,796 We take the white man alive. 9 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,673 All right, Thinks Too Much. 10 00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,050 It shall be so. 11 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,636 Keep your eyes peeled for injuns. 12 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,221 I mean Native Americans. 13 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,140 They're after us because we gave them 14 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,017 those blankets infected with cooties. 15 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,728 -I ate all my caps. Ooh! -(explosion) 16 00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:02,812 Throw down your weapons 17 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,564 and kiss the prairie, cow dorks. 18 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,107 Aah! 19 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:10,487 Oh, why do we have to play this corny old game anyway? 20 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,781 I brought my jacks. 21 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,657 (gasps) I got twosies. 22 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:16,868 NELSON: Eh! 23 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:19,579 -Hey! -Ow! 24 00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:21,748 That's not fair, Nelson. 25 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,042 They didn't have the Killmatic-3000 back then. 26 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:28,088 Hey, records from that era are spotty at best. 27 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,381 (groans) 28 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:33,176 (bell ringing) 29 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:35,678 MARGE: Bart, Lisa, time for church. 30 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,931 MRS. VAN HOUTEN: Milhouse, time for church. 31 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:40,600 MAN: Shlomo, time for your violin lesson. 32 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:43,103 (all screaming) 33 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,907 (grumbling) 34 00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,702 Why the crap do we have to go to church anyway? 35 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,246 You just answered your own question 36 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,705 with that commode mouth. 37 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,415 Besides, you kids need to learn 38 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,667 morals and decency 39 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,502 and how to love your fellow man. 40 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:11,214 And with flaming swords, the Aromites did pierce 41 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,633 the eyes of their fellow men, 42 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:16,845 and did feast on what flowed forth. 43 00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:20,765 Among whom also we all once conducted ourselves 44 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,267 in the lusts of our flesh... 45 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,644 ♪ I'm a troll man ♪ 46 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,354 ♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo ♪ 47 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,356 ♪ I'm a troll man ♪ 48 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:29,649 MARGE: I don't want you playing with something 49 00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:31,776 that has such bizarre hair. 50 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,154 Awful, awful hair. 51 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:36,573 Mmm! 52 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,619 And now, my daughter Jessica, 53 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,329 who has just returned from boarding school, 54 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,124 will read the same passage I just read. 55 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:49,294 I noticed a few of you weren't paying attention. 56 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,753 (groans) 57 00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:53,715 (gasps) 58 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,261 Wow! 59 00:02:58,344 --> 00:02:59,888 There is a God. 60 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,810 I'm telling you, the light would work better 61 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,687 if it pointed out to sea. 62 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,980 Dar, shut up. 63 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,857 I know what I'm doing. 64 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,860 Yar, I hate the sea 65 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,446 and everything in it. 66 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,864 Bye. Bye-bye, bye-bye. 67 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,616 Thank you for choosing our church. Bye-bye. 68 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,994 Oh. I've never felt this way about a girl before. 69 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:26,789 My long search is finally over. 70 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,750 (clearing throat) 71 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,215 Hi, I'm Bart Simpson. 72 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,842 I was incredibly moved by your reading. 73 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:41,262 I don't think God's words have ever sounded so plausible. 74 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,097 Thanks, Art. 75 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,184 Um, I have to go over here now. 76 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,311 Oh! 77 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,855 (moaning) 78 00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,857 Don't be so hard on yourself, Bart. 79 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,276 It's not your fault Jessica doesn't like you. 80 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,403 Is it my hair, my overbite? 81 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,738 The fact I've worn the same clothes 82 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,657 day in, day out for the last four years? 83 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,409 No, Bart. I just think you and Jessica are too different 84 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,370 from each other to get along. 85 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:07,247 She's a sweet, kind reverend's daughter, 86 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:10,083 and you're the devil's cabana boy. 87 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,042 Hmm. 88 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,381 Good. Very good. 89 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,716 Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels. 90 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,469 (gasping) 91 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,720 Bart Simpson? 92 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,681 Yes, ma'am. I'd like to return 93 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,141 to your wonderful Sunday school, please. 94 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:29,769 But, Bart, we banned you from Sunday school. 95 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:33,898 You were happy, we were happy, everybody was happy. 96 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,483 Particularly the hamster. 97 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,321 I've changed my ways. 98 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,991 Please give me another chance, ma'am. 99 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,617 All right, Bart. 100 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,370 The Bible does teach forgiveness. 101 00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:51,165 Class, I want you to welcome back our prodigal son. 102 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,875 What's prodigal mean? 103 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,252 Oh, dear. 104 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,921 You know, the great thing about Sunday school 105 00:04:57,005 --> 00:05:00,091 is we're finally learning something we can use. 106 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:02,093 Yeah, so true. 107 00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,721 I have to turn my chair this way now. 108 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:09,726 Somehow I got to convince her I'm a good person. 109 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:13,771 All right. I have to sit here and behave no matter what. 110 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,815 Okay, class, we have a special treat today 111 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,525 for pass-around: 112 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:21,362 A replica of the slingshot David used to slay Goliath. 113 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,239 While you kids are looking at that, 114 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,158 I'll busy myself in this file cabinet. 115 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:34,167 Must... fight... Satan. 116 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,712 Make it... up to him... 117 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:40,882 ...later. 118 00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,300 (sighs) 119 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:45,261 You know, I was considering staying after school 120 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,430 and helping teacher clean up. 121 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:48,890 (yawns) 122 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:52,060 Do you ever think anything you don't say? 123 00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,687 (shouting and cheering) 124 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,315 There is just no pleasing a girl like that. 125 00:05:57,398 --> 00:06:00,360 All that unnecessary behaving. 126 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,321 I'm all tense through the chestal area. 127 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,989 I need relief. 128 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,074 (bagpipe playing) 129 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,999 Though the kilt was only for day-to-day wear, 130 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,542 in battle, 131 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:20,546 we donned a full-length ball gown covered in sequins. 132 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,383 The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury. 133 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,302 (gasping) 134 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,263 Ah, 'tis no more than what God gave me, 135 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,932 you puritan pukes. 136 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,518 (laughing) 137 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,853 That'll hold me. 138 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,980 At least till I get my hands on some kind of explosives. 139 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:38,940 (gasps) 140 00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,571 Congratulations, Simpson. 141 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,407 You just fell for our sting, 142 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,076 and won yourself three months' detention. 143 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:53,413 There's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest. 144 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:54,414 There's not? 145 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,582 You used me, Skinner! 146 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,459 You used me! 147 00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,336 Three months? (groans) 148 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,465 Hi, Bart. 149 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,384 I saw the way they set you up. 150 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,803 That was really unfair. 151 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,930 (groans) 152 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,182 Want to have dinner at my house tonight? 153 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,350 Really? 154 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,352 Uh... sure. 155 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,104 Great. 156 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,440 We eat at 7:00. 157 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,234 There's only one thing to do at a moment like this... 158 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,485 strut. 159 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,571 ("Stayin' Alive" playing) 160 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,127 I can't believe my little boy 161 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,172 is already going on his first date. 162 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:47,049 ♪ Sunrise, sunset ♪ 163 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,052 ♪ Sunrise, sunset... ♪ 164 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,972 ♪ Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon... ♪ 165 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,766 ♪ Yes, we have no bananas ♪ 166 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,101 (sobbing) 167 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,769 Oh, that's sweet, homer. 168 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,063 Our son is growing up, isn't he? 169 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,315 No, it's not that. 170 00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,941 Didn't you hear? 171 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,526 They have no bananas. 172 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,696 They have no bananas today! 173 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,244 So, Bart, how's school going? 174 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,330 Jessica always gets straight A's. 175 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,208 Well, in my family, grades aren't that important. 176 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,585 It's what you learn that counts. 177 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,045 6 x 5-- What is it? 178 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,047 Um, actually, numbers don't have much use 179 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,840 in my future career: 180 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,051 Olympic gold medal rocket sled champ. 181 00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:32,929 Hmm. I didn't know the rocket sled was an Olympic event. 182 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,681 Well, no offense, lady, but what you don't know could fill a warehouse. 183 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:36,599 (gasping) 184 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,434 Young man, explain yourself. 185 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,811 Sorry. I have kind of a short fuse, 186 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,647 which some find charming. 187 00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,398 Speaking of charming, 188 00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:48,361 watching Fox last night, I heard a rather amusing story. 189 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:51,781 This character named Martin was feeling rather randy, 190 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,491 and he was heard to remark... 191 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,117 (grunts) 192 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,370 And don't you ever come near my daughter again. 193 00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,665 Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word "butt". 194 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,708 -But, but, but... -Make him stop. 195 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,585 -But, but, but... -Make him stop! 196 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,762 You're bad, Bart Simpson. 197 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,222 No, I'm not. I'm really-- 198 00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,682 Yes, you are. You're bad. 199 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,058 And I like it. 200 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,893 I'm bad to the bone, honey. 201 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,061 Let's go find some fun. 202 00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,229 But your father said-- 203 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:26,148 I told the rev I was going to my room 204 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,567 to say my prayers. 205 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:31,904 Smart, beautiful and a liar. 206 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:35,074 So much better than that Sarah, plain and tall. 207 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:42,582 ♪♪ 208 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,718 Woo! 209 00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:54,885 Right there. Put it right there. 210 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,429 (both laughing) 211 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:59,432 Oh, excellent. You're incredible, Jessica. 212 00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:02,685 Your throws, your catches, your spirals, your loops. 213 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,355 It's like the toilet paper is an extension of your body. 214 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,940 Wee! 215 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,317 No way would a minister's daughter 216 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,319 go out with you. 217 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,446 Oh, yeah? I'll prove it. 218 00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,364 Hey, Jessica. 219 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,867 Yes, am I supposed to know you? 220 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,744 Jessica, we just-- Oof! 221 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:23,080 That's for besmirching an innocent girl's name. 222 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,125 Why? 223 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,210 I'm sorry, Bart. 224 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,547 You know my parents can't find out about us. 225 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:36,135 And besides, if it's secret, it's even more exciting. 226 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,762 I guess. 227 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,513 Hey, you want to go skateboarding? 228 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,015 Um, actually, 229 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:43,434 I was hoping I could sit down for just a second. 230 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:46,228 Come on. It'll be fun. 231 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,732 Wow! 232 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,193 Now I have the energy to do anything. 233 00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:53,736 Oh! 234 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:54,862 Just give me two minutes. 235 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:55,696 Oh! 236 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,786 BART: Jessica, I think this is too steep. 237 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:05,623 Bart, you can't trust your perception at this altitude. 238 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,124 (grunts) 239 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,751 (screaming) 240 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,378 (laughing) 241 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,965 Actually, if the road surface maintains its integrity, 242 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,176 I just might be able to hold on. 243 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,554 (Bart shouting) 244 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,434 (sighs) 245 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:27,812 (screams) 246 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,357 (sighs) 247 00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,403 Oh, the glue will slow me down. 248 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,612 Any glue leaking? 249 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,572 No, that glue ain't going nowhere. 250 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,075 Oh, nothing's ever gonna stop me. 251 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,623 (grunting) 252 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,170 MAN: Oh, no. There goes the glue after all. 253 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,132 No! 254 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,804 (gasps) Fun, huh? 255 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:04,056 (gurgling) 256 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,813 (meowing) 257 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,107 Have you noticed any change in Bart? 258 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,608 New glasses? 259 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:17,778 No. He looks like something might be disturbing him. 260 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,864 Probably misses his old glasses. 261 00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,408 I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, 262 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,286 but then I'd be afraid of smothering him. 263 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:27,455 Yeah, and then we'd get the chair. 264 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,664 That's not what I meant. 265 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,374 It was, Marge. Admit it. 266 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:31,292 (bell ringing) 267 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,589 -Hi. -Uh, we should get to class. 268 00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:39,175 -What's the hurry? -We could get in trouble for being late. 269 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,510 Oh, you worry too much. 270 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,596 Come on. If you stay here a while, 271 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,931 I'll let you hold my hand. 272 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,312 (Bart gasps) 273 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:52,480 -(alarm ringing) -(Jessica laughs) 274 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,148 Teamwork. Come on, Bart. 275 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,192 (siren wailing) 276 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,281 If I don't save the wee turtles, who will? 277 00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,329 Aah! Save me from the wee turtles. 278 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,831 They were too quick for me. Aah! 279 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,541 I can't believe it, Bart. 280 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,127 I'd always thought Jessica was so sweet. 281 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,545 She's like a milk dud, Lis. 282 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:20,049 Sweet on the outside, poison on the inside. 283 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,342 You gotta give her up. 284 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,135 No, no, wait. Hear my plan. 285 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,471 Put up with her for seven more years. 286 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,056 Then we'll get married. 287 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,641 Once the first baby comes along, 288 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,851 she's bound to settle down and start treating me right. 289 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,394 After all, I deserve it. 290 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,940 Bart, it's naive to think you can change a person... 291 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,485 Except maybe that boy who works in the library. 292 00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:42,446 Do you have "Go, Dog, Go"? 293 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,406 (scoffs) That's in juvenile. 294 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,991 This is young adult. 295 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,953 Well-read, and just a little wild. 296 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:52,581 Ooh, if only someone could tame him. 297 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,041 You're right, Lisa. 298 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,085 Love isn't about fixing someone. 299 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,754 I'm just gonna give her up cold turkey. 300 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,049 I'm not going to talk to her or see her. It's over. 301 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,343 Thanks for the advice, sis. 302 00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:05,302 (sighing) 303 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,022 There. If I can just get through 304 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,607 this many days without seeing her, 305 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,901 she should be completely out of my system. 306 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,237 Okay, day one. 307 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,660 Time for church, Bart. 308 00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,412 I bet your little friend Jessica will be there. 309 00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,246 D'oh! 310 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,545 -(soprano singing) -Jessica. 311 00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,796 Bart, be strong. 312 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,464 You don't need that little hellcat. 313 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,927 Oh, Lis, she's already drawing me to her 314 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,680 with her beautiful siren song. 315 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:57,104 (singing in falsetto) 316 00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:01,400 Oh, that's very disturbing. Hnh! 317 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:02,902 Hey, Bart. 318 00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,445 What? What's wrong? 319 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,155 Well, Jessica, 320 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:10,242 I don't think we should hang out together anymore. 321 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,994 You're turning me into a criminal, 322 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,413 when all I want to be is a petty thug. 323 00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,083 Oh, good. Here comes the collection plate. 324 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:28,802 Homer! 325 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,429 We can spare it, Marge. 326 00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,805 We've been blessed. 327 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,600 You're right about everything, Bart. 328 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,894 I have been too reckless. 329 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:41,148 From now on, I am going to settle down. 330 00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,737 (gasps) Jessica, what are you doing? 331 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,531 Well, it takes money to start a new life. 332 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,201 Stealing from the collection basket is really wrong. 333 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,494 Even I know that. 334 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:55,955 Ah, fine. You just lost your cut. 335 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,582 I'll just take that. 336 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:00,751 (gasps) 337 00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,545 Everyone turn around and look at this. 338 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:04,505 (gasping) 339 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,590 What is it, a unitarian? 340 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,843 (clamoring) 341 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:13,055 Just relax. For once, you didn't do anything wrong. 342 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,307 Just explain yourself, and everyone will understand. 343 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,350 I... 344 00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,476 Took the money? Yes, we know. 345 00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,477 He confessed. 346 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,187 Okay. 347 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,692 HOMER: Stop him, he's headed for the window! 348 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,572 Son, if you can look me in the eye 349 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,242 and say you didn't take the collection money, 350 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,160 that's all I need. 351 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,578 I didn't take it. 352 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:37,621 Why, you little... 353 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,622 How can you look me in the eye 354 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,707 and lie like that? 355 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,749 MARGE: Homer, stop that. 356 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,209 I believe him. 357 00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,294 Tell me, if he didn't take the money, 358 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,922 why is he wearing those fancy clothes? 359 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,841 That's what he wore to church. 360 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,509 Ooh, how convenient. 361 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:53,345 Bart, honey, do you know who did take the money? 362 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,182 No. 363 00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,893 See, son? Telling the truth isn't so bad. 364 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:07,067 (booing) 365 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,360 -Crook! -Thief! 366 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:09,737 Stealer of money from the church collection plate! 367 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,492 We've got to talk. 368 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,077 Listen, thanks for not turning me in. 369 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,413 That was sweet. 370 00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:21,415 Well, it seems like if you really care for me, 371 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,125 you should come forward. 372 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,085 Oh, don't you see, it's because I care for you 373 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,795 that I can't come forward. 374 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,423 That doesn't make any sense. 375 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,550 Alright, then I just don't feel like it, okay? 376 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,260 Jessica, you're really beautiful, 377 00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:35,179 but you are not very nice. 378 00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,638 (scoffs) Duh. 379 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,890 You know, with the way you're treating me, 380 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:39,266 why should I protect you? 381 00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:42,603 Because if you tell, no one will believe you. 382 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:46,440 Remember, I'm the sweet, perfect minister's daughter, 383 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,108 and you're just yellow trash. 384 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:48,984 Huh? 385 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,574 So here's where you're hiding. 386 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,201 Yeah, this is my only refuge 387 00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:58,744 from the taunts and accusations 388 00:17:58,827 --> 00:17:59,745 of the townspeople. 389 00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,081 Thief. 390 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,708 Bart, we can't just let her get away with this! 391 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:05,751 Give it up, Lis. 392 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,795 She's a criminal mastermind. 393 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,254 She's got 108 I.Q. 394 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,256 She reads at a fifth grade level, 395 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,800 and... (sighs) 396 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,053 her hair smells like red Froot Loops. 397 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:20,516 Yeah? Well, I eat Froot Loops for breakfast. 398 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,851 Because of last week's problems, 399 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,269 we'll be taking certain precautions 400 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,063 with this week's collection. 401 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,981 We really shouldn't have let them do this. 402 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,817 It can't be helping his self-esteem. 403 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:33,153 Now for our offertory reading, Lisa Simpson, 404 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,614 who we'll all be keeping an eye on. 405 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:40,077 I know most of you have already judged my brother guilty 406 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,662 without any proof, 407 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:44,081 but doesn't the Bible teach us 408 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:47,251 "Judge not, lest ye be judged", Reverend? 409 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,837 I think it may be somewhere towards the back. 410 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,714 There is someone among us with a guilty conscience. 411 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,466 After much soul searching 412 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,094 I decided it would be wrong of me to name names, 413 00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:01,932 but I urge that guilty person, here, under the eyes of God, 414 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:05,269 to come forward, to confess and save yourself 415 00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,021 from the torment of your own personal hell! 416 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:11,525 Aah! I smelled some marijuana smoke in Vietnam! 417 00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,069 I was the one that canceled "Star Trek"! 418 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:17,406 I left my Porsche keys inside Mrs. Glick. 419 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,325 I am talking to the collection money thief. 420 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:24,955 Only you can come forward and end this injustice. 421 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,418 Oh, what the heck. 422 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,461 It was Jessica Lovejoy! 423 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:32,629 (all gasping) 424 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,131 If you search her room, 425 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,717 I am certain you will find the money. 426 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,052 To the little girl's room. 427 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,098 That's the collection money. 428 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,392 Oh, yeah. Smells like church. 429 00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,561 I guess it's obvious what's happened here. 430 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:49,855 Bart Simpson has somehow managed 431 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,815 to sneak his bedroom into my house. 432 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,904 Well, come on, use your imaginations. 433 00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,697 No, Dad. 434 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,616 I did it. 435 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,912 It's your classic cry for attention. 436 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,496 Well, young lady, I suppose 437 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,790 we brought you home from boarding school 438 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,292 a little prematurely. 439 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,920 I was expelled, Dad. 440 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,047 Remember the pipe bomb, the glee club brawl? 441 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,424 Remember the school chapel collection plate? 442 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,676 -♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪ -Exploding toilets ring a ball? 443 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,720 -♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪ -Come on, Dad! Pay attention to me! 444 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,931 ♪ Sheep will all be marching... ♪ 445 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:28,185 Uh, I think you all owe my son an apology. 446 00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:29,728 -Very sorry. -That's okay. 447 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:31,188 Appreciate it. 448 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,439 Mm-hmm. 449 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,694 BART: Hi, Jessica. 450 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:38,779 Hi, Bart. 451 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,530 Come to watch me suffer? 452 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:41,990 I just wanted to let you know 453 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,785 that even though this was a difficult experience, 454 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,787 I really learned a lot. 455 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:50,707 I'm a little wiser and a little less naive. 456 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,751 Well, I learned that 457 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:55,379 I can make men do whatever I want. 458 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,589 Well, don't you see, Jessica? 459 00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,217 Then you really haven't learned-- 460 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,344 Um, would you finish scrubbing these steps for me? 461 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,512 Will I? 462 00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:07,683 Hey, Jessica. 463 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:08,558 Coming. 464 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:13,897 Poor sucker. 465 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:17,401 It's amazing what some guys will do for a pretty face. 466 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:18,860 Not me, though. 467 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,154 Wait till she sees the second-rate job 468 00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,823 I do on these stairs. 469 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:27,202 (Bart laughing) 470 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,542 (laughing continues) 471 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,295 ♪♪ 472 00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:21,506 Shh! 473 00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:27,054 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.