1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,381 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:07,507 (tires screech) 3 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,760 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,887 -Aah! -(tires screech) 5 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,069 Uh, welcome to the new 6 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,448 Springfield Center for Geriatric Medicine. 7 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,366 You know, health care for the aging 8 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,201 is an important priority-- 9 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:40,081 Get to Matlock! Matlock! 10 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,333 Well, um-- (coughs) Without further ado, 11 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,377 (chuckles) I give you the man who puts 12 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,171 young people behind bars... 13 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:50,050 Where they belong-- TV's Matlock! 14 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,217 -(applauding) -(grunting) 15 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,932 ♪ We love you, Matlock ♪ 16 00:00:58,016 --> 00:00:59,517 ♪ Oh yes, we do ♪ 17 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,978 (fans screaming) 18 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,106 (choking) 19 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,775 What's eatin' you, Abe? 20 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,026 For three weeks, all you been talkin' about 21 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,319 was meeting Matlock. 22 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:11,905 Now you met him, swiped his pills-- 23 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,407 "Take one every hour to prevent spastic heart convulsions." 24 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,742 (siren wailing) 25 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:16,868 -Clear! -(electrodes buzzing) 26 00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:18,745 But you ain't said a word! 27 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,998 Lookin' at that tired old freak has made me realize... 28 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,751 I'm no spring chicken myself. 29 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:29,172 I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder. 30 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,382 Wait, that's my hand. 31 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,468 Hello. As you may know, 32 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,804 I might not be around much longer. 33 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:39,474 So, I've decided to give you your inheritance before I die. 34 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:42,060 That way, I can see you enjoy it. 35 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:47,440 Lisa, I know you like reading, and... So forth. 36 00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:51,528 To you, I give you my lifetime of personal correspondence. 37 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,114 Thanks. "Mr. Simpson. Stop. 38 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:57,075 "Your constant letters are becoming a nuisance. Stop. 39 00:01:57,158 --> 00:02:00,078 "If you do not cease, I will be forced to pursue legal action. 40 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,123 Stop. Signed, Boris Karloff. Hollywood, California." 41 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:05,750 -And to my son, Homer-- -Whoo-hoo! 42 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,086 -And his entire family-- -D'oh! 43 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:11,089 I leave these-- A box of mint condition, 44 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:14,134 1918 Liberty Head silver dollars. 45 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:18,555 You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around 46 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:22,976 in zeppelins, dropping coins on people. 47 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:27,981 And one day, I seen J.D. Rockefeller flyin' by, 48 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:31,943 so I run out of the house with a big washtub, and-- 49 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,445 -(grunts) Where are you goin'? -Dad, we'd love to stay here 50 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,364 And listen to your amusing "Antidotes," 51 00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:39,409 But we have to take these coins to the mall and spend 'em! 52 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,120 GRAMPA: Anyway, about my washtub. 53 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:45,748 I just used it that morning to wash my turkey, 54 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,042 which in those days was known as 55 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,587 a "walking bird." 56 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,131 We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving, 57 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,383 with all the trimmings. 58 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:58,094 Cranberries, "Injun eyes," 59 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,014 and yams stuffed with gunpowder. 60 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,349 Then we'd all watch football, 61 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:06,477 which in those days was called "baseball." 62 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,439 (cooing) 63 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,652 Look, Maggie! 64 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:17,322 It's Sergeant Thug's mountaintop command post, 65 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:21,034 complete with deathbringer missiles that really launch. 66 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:24,162 Mm. That toy isn't safe for a baby like Maggie. 67 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,164 Aw, come on, Marge. You're way too-- 68 00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,291 -D'oh! (screaming) -(electrical buzzing) 69 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,752 (explosion) 70 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:33,671 When I was young, toys were built to last. 71 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,340 Look at this junk! 72 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:38,051 It breaks the first time you take it out of the box. 73 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,511 (groaning) 74 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,096 And look at these toy soldiers! 75 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,766 They'll break the second I step on 'em. 76 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,935 (grunts) Stupid... Toy... Soldiers! 77 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,603 Break, you stupid-- 78 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,772 All right. Come on, pops. 79 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:53,191 -Soldiers won't bother you anymore. -Oh! 80 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,986 -(piano note) -Hmm? 81 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,948 Hmm! 82 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,492 ♪ One, two, three o'clock four o'clock rock ♪ 83 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:05,370 ♪ Five, six, seven o'clock eight o'clock rock ♪ 84 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:09,123 ♪ Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock rock, rock, rock ♪ 85 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,668 ♪ Rock, rock, rock, we're gonna rock, gonna rock ♪ 86 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:15,672 -(howling, barking) -♪ Around the clock tonight ♪ 87 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,049 (booing, jeering) 88 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,884 Thank you. Thank you very much. 89 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,807 -(girls screaming) -(gasping) 90 00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:30,812 I'm warning you, Mom. I may get a little crazy. 91 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,898 I understand, honey. When I was your age, there was a-- 92 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:37,068 Hey, horse face! Get your ugly pie-hooks off that summer fun set! 93 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:41,864 Look! Achy Breaky Stacy for $1.99! 94 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,534 (gasps) Live From the Improv Stacy's only 89 cents. 95 00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:47,954 (both) Ew! 96 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,041 Hey, mister. What's in the box? 97 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,545 Um, it's the, uh, new talking Malibu Stacy. 98 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,631 (screaming) Get him! 99 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,718 Help! Mr. Weiss! 100 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,177 (dings) 101 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,641 Mm, I don't know if it's a good idea to do that while you're driving. 102 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,019 Marge, that's what I bought it for. 103 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:14,105 (imitating engine, firing weapons) 104 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:17,608 -Hey! Watch it with that thing! -My skull is eggshell-thin. 105 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,527 -(explosion) -Cool. 106 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:22,697 -Thanks for buyin' us these toys, Grampa. -Bah! 107 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:26,117 Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows? 108 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,161 Or a nice pipe organ? 109 00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:29,954 I'm thirsty. 110 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,832 Ooh, what smells like mustard? 111 00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,877 There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. 112 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,253 Ooh! Look at that one! 113 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,298 Oh, my glaucoma just got worse. 114 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:43,217 The president is a demi-crat! 115 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:47,263 Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. 116 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:51,559 -Hello! -(horn beeping) 117 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:55,855 There are too many leaves in your walkway. 118 00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:58,066 -(turns on TV) -(whimpers) 119 00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,362 -(screams) -(bangs, rings) 120 00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,864 Why are you people avoiding me? 121 00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:09,494 Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of death? 122 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:14,540 Yes, but there's more. Dad, I love you. 123 00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:18,419 But... you're a weird, sore-headed old crank, and nobody likes you! 124 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,755 Consarn it! 125 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:23,174 I guess I am an old crank. 126 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,635 But what am I gonna do about it? 127 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,765 -(gulping) -(explosion) 128 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,937 One sip and I'm totally hip! 129 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:40,400 ANNOUNCER: Buzz cola. There's a little boogie in every bottle. 130 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,652 Holy smokes! That's it! 131 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:46,280 From now on, I'm thinkin', actin' and lookin' young. 132 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:49,325 And I'm gonna start with a bottle of Buzz cola. 133 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:54,372 Oh! Ow! Ow! The bubbles are burning my tongue! 134 00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,916 Ow! Ooh. Water! Water! 135 00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:59,293 A hush falls over the general assembly 136 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,379 as Stacy approaches the podium 137 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:06,134 to deliver what will no doubt be a stirring and memorable address. 138 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,386 I wish they taught shopping in school! 139 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,930 Ohh. 140 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,724 Let's bake some cookies for the boys! 141 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,978 Come on, Stacy. I've waited my whole life to hear you speak. 142 00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:19,730 Don't you have anything relevant to say? 143 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:23,484 Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! (giggles) 144 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,737 -Right on! Say it, sister. -It's not funny, Bart. 145 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,991 Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act. 146 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:32,326 That they can never be anything more than vacuous ninnies 147 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,495 whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, 148 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,997 and spend all day on the phone with their 149 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,290 equally vacuous friends... 150 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:38,499 talking about how damn terrific it is 151 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,585 to look pretty and have a rich husband! 152 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,211 Just what I was gonna say. 153 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,464 (growls, grunts) 154 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:47,633 Look at me! I'm acting young! 155 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,677 (screaming, grunting) 156 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,307 Hey. This ain't so bad. 157 00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,687 Let's buy makeup, so the boys will like us! 158 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,106 (chattering) 159 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,693 (groaning) Don't you people see anything wrong with what Malibu Stacy says? 160 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:09,947 Oh, there's something wrong with what my Stacy says. 161 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:14,118 MALE VOICE: My Spidey sense is tingling. Anybody call for a web-slinger? 162 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:17,788 No, Celeste. I mean, the things she says are sexist. 163 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:21,167 -(all giggling) -Lisa said a dirty word! 164 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,168 (groans) 165 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,420 (chomping, swallowing) 166 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,464 They cannot keep making dolls like this. 167 00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,341 Something has to be done! 168 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,890 Lisa, ordinarily I'd say 169 00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:37,808 you should stand up for what you believe in. 170 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,144 But you've been doing that an awful lot lately. 171 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:43,856 Yeah. You made us march in that gay rights parade. 172 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,858 And we can't watch Fox, 'cause they own 173 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,152 those chemical weapon plants in Syria. 174 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,154 I can't believe you're just gonna stand by 175 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,323 as your daughters grow up in a world where this-- 176 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,283 this is their role model. 177 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:58,246 I had a Malibu Stacy when I was little, and I turned out all right. 178 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:03,084 Now, let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream. 179 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:07,964 Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream! 180 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:09,549 (groans) 181 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,634 That's it! I'm callin' the company. 182 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,888 MALE VOICE: Hello, you have reached the Malibu Stacy 183 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,139 customer service center. 184 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,975 If you have a complaint about 185 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,519 Malibu Stacy's appearance or odor, press one. 186 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,604 If you've given Malibu Stacy a haircut 187 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,357 and need to order a replacement head, press two. 188 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,735 For information on our factory tour, press three. 189 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,362 Mom! We could go on the factory tour, 190 00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,656 and I could complain in person. 191 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:37,868 Honey, you're not going to throw red paint at the executives, are you? 192 00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,329 The Keebler people were very upset. 193 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,003 Welcome to Enchantment Lane, 194 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,213 where all the parts come together, 195 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,923 and Malibu Stacy is born! 196 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,342 Some folks say there's a little touch 197 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,344 of fairy dust in the air. 198 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,306 (grumbling) 199 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:05,313 Aw, crap. There's a clog in the torso chute! 200 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,523 Leroy! Get your ass in gear. 201 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,733 Shut your hole. 202 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,109 (grunting) 203 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,780 ANNOUNCER: Malibu Stacy, America's favorite 204 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,074 eight-and-a-half-incher. 205 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:21,829 In 1959, homemaker Stacy Lavelle had a design and a dream. 206 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,873 The design? Malibu Stacy. 207 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,708 The dream? 208 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,377 To mass-market a fashion doll that was also edible. 209 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,339 Kids didn't much like the taste of dried onion meal, 210 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,674 but they loved the doll. 211 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,761 A second, plastic Malibu Stacy took America by storm. 212 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:40,598 Just ask the owner of the world's largest Malibu Stacy collection: 213 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,600 Waylon Smithers of Springfield. 214 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:47,188 Hello, Malibu Stacy collectors. I'll see you 215 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:50,691 At Stacycon '94, at the San Diego Airport Hilton. 216 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:54,403 ANNOUNCER: And what does Stacy think of her 35 years of success... 217 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,447 And millions of friends worldwide? 218 00:10:56,530 --> 00:11:00,409 Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! (giggles) 219 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,496 ANNOUNCER: (chuckles) She sure is. 220 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,623 Well, that's the tour. 221 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,708 If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer-- 222 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,502 -I have one. -Yes? 223 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:12,713 Is the remarkably sexist drivel spouted by Malibu Stacy 224 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,508 intentional, or is it just a horrible mistake? 225 00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:19,679 (chuckles) Believe me, we're very mindful of such concerns. 226 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,681 (wolf whistle) 227 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,892 Hey, Jiggles! Grab a pad and back that gorgeous butt in here. 228 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,435 Oh, you. Get away! (chuckles) 229 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,770 Ah, don't act like you don't like it. 230 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,899 (Lisa moans) 231 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,612 It's awful bein' a kid. No one listens to ya. 232 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,865 It's rotten bein' old. No one listens to ya! 233 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,410 I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. 234 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,911 Everyone listens to me, 235 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:46,372 no matter how dumb my suggestions are. 236 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,000 (chewing noisily) 237 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,461 But I'm not gonna accomplish anything just sitting here-- 238 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,714 -And gripin', it's time for-- -Action! 239 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:57,633 I've got to talk to that woman who invented Malibu Stacy 240 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,885 -and see if I can get her to-- -Come out of retirement! 241 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:03,848 I'm gonna get me a job! A real Malibu... 242 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,059 And see if Stacy can help 243 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:10,187 invent me young. 244 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,565 Help! 245 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:16,944 -You're getting a job! -Yes! I'm going where the action is! 246 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,863 -(radio static) -Come in? Come in! 247 00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:21,407 Mayday! I'm losing your transmission! 248 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,826 -I said, "French fries!" -(horns honking) 249 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,703 -What the-- -(horns honking) 250 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:30,040 Do we sell French fries? 251 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,670 Yes? I-- (chuckles) 252 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,047 Why, it's Homer Simpson's daughter. 253 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,799 I thought you might be able to help me 254 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,968 get in touch with the inventor of Malibu Stacy. 255 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,721 Whew! (chuckles) That would be quite a feat. 256 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,681 Stacy Lavelle is a total recluse. 257 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,017 She hasn't appeared in public in 20 years. 258 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,645 Here, I'm writing an article on her for my next Malibu Stacy newsletter. 259 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,690 It contains her last known whereabouts. 260 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,525 -I'll, uh, print you out a copy. -Thanks. 261 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,903 Hello, Smithers. 262 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:02,531 You're quite good... at turning... me on. 263 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,242 Um, you probably should ignore that. 264 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:06,869 (panting) 265 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,293 (tires skidding) 266 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,670 No, it couldn't be! 267 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,349 -(buzzing) -Excuse me. Miss Lavelle? 268 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,726 I'd like to talk to you about Malibu Stacy? 269 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:35,731 Do you have any idea how many kids have tried to track me down? 270 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,692 -Am I the first? -Yes. 271 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:43,572 I want you to hear what Malibu Stacy is telling a generation of little girls. 272 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,741 Thinking too much gives you wrinkles. 273 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,577 (gate rattles) 274 00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:55,835 All right! I've been waitin' nine years to get my frisbee back. 275 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,169 Oh! 276 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,759 My name is Stacy. But you can call me-- 277 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,636 (wolf whistle) 278 00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:08,639 I see exactly what you mean. This is a problem. 279 00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,516 But what do you expect me to do? 280 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,810 Change what she says. It's your company. 281 00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:15,938 (scoffs) Not since I was forced out in 1974. 282 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:19,358 They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost-effective. 283 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,610 -That's awful! -Well, that, and... 284 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,822 I was funneling profits to the Vietcong. 285 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:26,699 But you are Malibu Stacy. 286 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,785 And as long as she has your name, you have a responsibility! 287 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,954 I'd be mortified if someone ever made a lousy product 288 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,873 with the Simpson name on it. 289 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:37,459 I may have had things in common with Stacy in the beginning, 290 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:41,881 but 30 years of living her lifestyle taught me some very harsh lessons. 291 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,634 Five husbands: Ken, Johnny, Joe, 292 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,095 Dr. Colossus, Steve Austin. 293 00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:51,849 But if you can learn from Malibu Stacy's mistakes, so can everyone. 294 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,642 I'm sure we can think of something together. 295 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:57,521 -Come on! -Not now. I'm too drunk. 296 00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,189 No, you're not! 297 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,068 (slurping, swallowing) 298 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,614 Uh, I'll come back tomorrow. 299 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:11,827 We need some more secret sauce! Put this mayonnaise in the sun. 300 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:16,415 Hey! Now that old man Peterson's off our backs, let's have some fun! 301 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:21,670 (muffled) Ever see a sandwich that could take a bite outta you? 302 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,548 (laughing) Look at the sandwich! 303 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,383 It's gonna bite you! 304 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,846 -(biting sound) -MAN: Ow! 305 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,473 Damn sandwich took a bite out of me! 306 00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:33,557 Oh. 307 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,144 I've got the solution. 308 00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:40,230 You and I are gonna make our own talking doll. 309 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,982 She'll have the wisdom of Gertrude Stein 310 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,776 and the wit of Cathy Guisewite. 311 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,611 The tenacity of Nina Totenberg 312 00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:48,489 and the common sense of Elizabeth Cady Stanton. 313 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:53,494 And to top it off, the down-to-earth good looks of Eleanor Roosevelt. 314 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:54,828 (exhales) 315 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,080 All right. 316 00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,040 We'll make your doll! 317 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,669 -(pounding on door) -(gasps) 318 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:04,046 Stacy, please. I must have you back. 319 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,966 Just come for a ride with me in my mobile command unit. 320 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,760 Joe, I told you. It's over. 321 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,345 Release me from your kung fu grip. 322 00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:12,930 Fine. 323 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,891 I'll bomb your house into the ground, missy! 324 00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,649 Make sure you get my mom's hair just right! 325 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,193 Um, I think we'll use someone different for the hair. 326 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,486 How about me? 327 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:28,946 There's something not quite-- 328 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,781 -How 'bout me? -(stammering) 329 00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:32,783 -How 'bout me? -You all have hideous hair! 330 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:33,951 (Simpsons gasping) 331 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,078 I mean, from a design point of view. 332 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,789 -Oh, well, if you put it that way. -Oh, well. 333 00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:41,166 Talking doll, take eight. 334 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,753 "When I get married, I'm keeping my own name." 335 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,797 Uh, you know, that should probably be, 336 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,091 "if I choose to get married." 337 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:53,220 Look, little girl, we got other talking dollies to record today. 338 00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,931 All right, you poindexters. Let's get this right. 339 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,058 One: "Hey, hey, kids, I'm talkin' Krusty." 340 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,144 Two: "Hey, hey! Here comes Sideshow Mel." 341 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,396 Again. "Here comes Sideshow Mel. Sideshow Mel." 342 00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,398 Three. (laughing) 343 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,360 Bada-bing, bada-boom. I'm done. Learn from a professional, kid. 344 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:11,321 (car door closing, tires screeching) 345 00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:15,117 Okay, Krusty. We are ready to roll any-- What the-- 346 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,459 LISA'S VOICE: Trust in yourself and you can achieve anything. 347 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,461 All right! Now all we need is a name. 348 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,546 How 'bout "Blabbermouth, the Jerky Doll for Jerks"? 349 00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:31,091 How 'bout Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom? 350 00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,218 Mm, not enough commercial appeal. 351 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,138 "Wendy Windbag"? "Ugly Doris"? 352 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,140 "Hortense, the mule-faced doll"? 353 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,350 I think we should name her after Lisa. 354 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,270 We'll call her "Lisa Lionheart." 355 00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:47,024 No, "Loudmouth Lisa!" "Stupid Lisa Garbage Face!" 356 00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:50,486 I can't stand this any longer. Somebody please pay attention to me! 357 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,821 Hello! Pay attention to me. Look at me! 358 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:56,033 I'm Bart, I'm Bart. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. (blathering) 359 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:01,413 This is great! They're really gonna sell our doll! 360 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,583 Well, it wasn't difficult. I just told them who I was and who you were. 361 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,668 -They couldn't resist. -Really? 362 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:07,961 Well, I didn't tell them who you were. 363 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:14,760 Gentlemen, we've got to sink this Lisa Lionheart doll and fast. 364 00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:17,012 It's time to call in a favor from Washington. 365 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,476 Yes. Yes, I understand. I'll take care of it personally. 366 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,650 (chuckling) 367 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:32,319 -LISA: Dad, did you hear something? -HOMER: I don't know. 368 00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:34,530 -Dad? -Mm-hmm? 369 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:35,948 My new doll's much better than Malibu Stacy. 370 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,366 Do a newscast about her. 371 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,243 (laughing) Oh, please, honey. 372 00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:41,703 Daddy's job is to bring people important news. 373 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,413 Right now, I'm very busy preparing 374 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,707 a report about the 40th anniversary of Beetle Bailey. 375 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,085 Oh, Daddy, that is boring. 376 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,546 Talk about the dolly! 377 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,423 Well, you were right about the Berlin Wall. 378 00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:01,223 Though it was unusual to spend 28 minutes reporting on a doll, 379 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:04,184 this reporter found it impossible to stop talking. 380 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,396 It's just really fascinating news, folks. 381 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,982 -Good night. -(news theme plays) 382 00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,234 Oh, and the president was arrested for murder. 383 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,735 More on that tomorrow night. 384 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,488 Or you can turn to another channel. 385 00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:19,241 Oh. Do not turn to another channel. 386 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:22,703 Our one effort to put a stop to this Lisa Lionheart thing has failed miserably. 387 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:26,039 Gentlemen, we have to reinvent Malibu Stacy for the '90s. 388 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,375 We'll stay here all night, if need be. 389 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,961 Can we order Chinese food? 390 00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:32,171 Yes. 391 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:35,632 -(chattering) -You know a good place? 392 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:40,095 I cut my tongue on these pancakes. 393 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,598 These eggs are difficult to digest. 394 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,892 I want soft-boiled eggs. 395 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:48,854 I told you-- We don't have soft-boiled eggs! 396 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,397 If you a-- 397 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,192 By gum, you're right. We should have them. 398 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,485 I shouldn't be listenin' to complaints. 399 00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:57,738 I should be makin' 'em with you guys. 400 00:19:57,821 --> 00:20:01,074 The good Lord lets us grow old for a reason. 401 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:05,329 To gain the wisdom to find fault with everything He's made! 402 00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:10,042 Mr. Peterson, you can take this job and... fill it. 403 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:14,296 And one more thing. I never once washed my hands. 404 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,466 That's your policy, not mine. 405 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:20,427 -(angry chattering) -You whippersnapper! 406 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:23,305 WOMAN: You show him, Abe! Quit! 407 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:26,016 -(cheering) -(laughing) 408 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,603 (groaning) 409 00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:31,605 GRAMPA: Oh, my back. 410 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:36,902 SMITHERS: I want it. I want it. I want it. I want it! 411 00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:37,986 Me, me, me, me, me! 412 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:38,987 I want it. I want it. I want it! 413 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,155 (screaming) 414 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,619 Look! It's Lisa Lionheart! 415 00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,454 Keep running. We're almost there. 416 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:52,751 (girls gasping) 417 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,795 They changed Malibu Stacy! 418 00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,505 She is better than ever. 419 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,465 Wait! Don't be fooled. 420 00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:01,802 She's just a regular Malibu Stacy with a stupid, cheap hat. 421 00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:04,805 She still embodies all the awful stereotypes she did before. 422 00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:07,557 But she's got a new hat. 423 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,601 -(clamoring) -I want it. I want it. I want it. 424 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,440 (sighs) 425 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:18,485 Well, I guess you can't beat big business. 426 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,029 There's just no room for the little guy. 427 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,991 LISA LIONHEART: Trust in yourself and you can achieve anything. 428 00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:31,581 You know, if we get through to just that one little girl, 429 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,250 it'll all be worth it. 430 00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,044 Yes. Particularly if that little girl happens to pay 431 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,005 $46,000 for that doll. 432 00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,632 -What? -Oh, nothing. Kudos to you, Lisa. 433 00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,634 Kudos. 434 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:46,680 (gasps) Marge? Lisa? Lady? 435 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:49,850 If you'll excuse me, I've got something very important to attend to. 436 00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:51,935 Whoo! (laughing) 437 00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:53,353 ♪♪ (plays the Simpsons theme) 438 00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,230 (all shouting) 439 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,608 (feedback squealing) 440 00:22:02,946 --> 00:22:05,490 ♪♪ 441 00:22:49,117 --> 00:22:50,077 Shh! 442 00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:56,083 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.