1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,256 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:11,177 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,849 (whistle blowing) 4 00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,021 (beeping) 5 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:32,490 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,743 (tires screech) 7 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:36,995 D'oh! 8 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,788 -Ahh! -(tires screech) 9 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,099 (snoring) 10 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:19,412 (growling) 11 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,208 (whining) 12 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,212 (mumbling) 13 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,175 (sniffs) Ooh! 14 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,222 (snoring) 15 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,266 ♪♪ (low note) 16 00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:43,311 ♪♪ (low note) 17 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:45,897 -(snoring) -♪♪ (low note) 18 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,899 (snoring) 19 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:51,861 (honking) 20 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:56,908 (moaning) 21 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,578 (mumbling) 22 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,635 -Dad, we've been robbed! -Wake up, Dad! Wake up! 23 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,971 There was a burglar, and he took my saxophone! 24 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,264 Whoo-hoo! 25 00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,015 -And our portable TV. -D'oh! 26 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,226 -And my necklace. -Ah, that's no big loss. 27 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,103 Homer, that necklace was a priceless 28 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,688 Bouvier family heirloom. 29 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:28,898 You probably got a whole drawer full of 'em. 30 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,360 Well, yes, I do, but they're all heirlooms too. 31 00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:36,322 The burglar even took my stamp collection. 32 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,825 You had a stamp collection? 33 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,785 (laughing) 34 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,664 (phone rings) 35 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:47,167 NELSON: Stamp collection? Ha-ha! 36 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:51,296 Ohh. Bart's pain is funny, but mine isn't. 37 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:53,798 That saxophone was my one creative outlet. 38 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,676 It was the only way I could truly express myself. 39 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:57,927 Shh! Quiet, Lisa. 40 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,013 Hey, the burglar left his calling card. 41 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,681 (Marge reading) 42 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,351 Cute. 43 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,103 Hidilly-ho, neighboreenos. 44 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,355 Can't talk. Robbed. Go hell. 45 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,482 You folks got robbed too? 46 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,402 The burglar took my Shroud of Turin beach towels. 47 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,321 Wow! It's a crime wave. 48 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:19,824 Good Lord! My Stormin' Norman commemorative plates stolen! 49 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,117 Again. 50 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,747 Hey, I thought I had more stuff than this. 51 00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,707 We are insured, aren't we, Mom? 52 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,250 Homer, tell your child what you bought 53 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,586 when I sent you to town to get some insurance. 54 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,838 Curse you, magic beans! 55 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,590 Oh, stop blaming the beans. 56 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:38,301 Hello, police? Are you sitting down? Good! 57 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,053 I wish to report a robbery. 58 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:42,472 A robbery, right. Thanks for the report. 59 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:46,851 That's another one, Lou. 723 Evergreen Terrace. 60 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,520 Well, there doesn't seem to be any pattern yet, 61 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:52,398 but if I take this one and move it here... 62 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,817 and I move these over here-- 63 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:58,738 Hello! It almost looks like an arrow. 64 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,448 Hey, look, 65 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:02,700 Chief, it's pointing right at this police station. 66 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,995 -Let's get out of here! -(all screaming) 67 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:12,877 When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? 68 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,712 This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is 69 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,589 an inhuman monster like the wolfman, 70 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,091 but he very well could be. 71 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,717 So, professor, 72 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,552 would you say it's time for everyone to panic? 73 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,429 Yes, I would, Kent. 74 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,848 Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, please. 75 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,601 We have a major break in the case. 76 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,395 We recovered the burglar's handkerchief 77 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,480 from one of the crime scenes. 78 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,565 Now, one sniff of this baby, 79 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,818 and our tracking dog will be hot on his trail. 80 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:39,904 Gosh, look at me. I'm sweatin' like a pig here. 81 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:44,617 Ah. Ah, man. That's better. 82 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,119 All right. Get the scent, boy. 83 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,412 Come on, get the scent. 84 00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:50,623 -Now kill him! (yells) -(growling) 85 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,625 -Hey! -(gasping) 86 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,627 Ah, my jugular! Ah! 87 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,171 Oh! Any questions? 88 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,256 Well, as you can see, 89 00:04:58,339 --> 00:05:00,216 when the burglar trips the alarm, 90 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,427 the house raises from its foundations, 91 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,388 and runs down the street and around the corner to safety. 92 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,766 (nervous chuckle) 93 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,519 Well the-- the real humans won't, uh-- 94 00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:13,855 won't burn quite so fast in there. 95 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:14,856 Aye! 96 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,860 (metal clanging) 97 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:22,322 Cool! High-tech security system. 98 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,240 (lasers firing) 99 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,122 (lasers firing) 100 00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,166 (shouting, laughing) 101 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,543 All right! Free laserium. 102 00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:38,671 All the colors of the 'bow, man. 103 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,717 Ow! Oh. My cataracts are gone. 104 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,720 I can see again. All the beauty of na-- 105 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,722 Oh! 106 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:50,641 I'm blind. Oh, well. Easy come, easy go. 107 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,811 (snoring) 108 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:56,397 (screams) It's the cat burglar! 109 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,649 Please don't kill me! 110 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,693 Abe, can I borrow your ointment? 111 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,153 Oh, it's you, Malloy. 112 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,571 All right. 113 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,490 But this time clean off the applicator! 114 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,579 -(gunshot) -(gasps) 115 00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:15,458 Thank you for coming. I'll see you in hell. 116 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:18,544 All right. These are our new family security rules. 117 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:19,962 Be home before dark, 118 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,130 and make sure you're not followed. 119 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,341 Lock all doors and windows. 120 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:25,343 And don't take candy from strangers. 121 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:26,761 Marge, they're only human! 122 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:29,347 What's the point of all these precautions? 123 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,473 I've already lost 124 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,141 the only thing that matters to me. 125 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,519 Oh, Lisa, stop pining for your saxophone. 126 00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,145 I got you another instrument. 127 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,148 -What, this jug? -(rhythmic tones) 128 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:43,111 Hee-hee! (laughing) Whee! Whoa-ho-ho! 129 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:48,699 Lisa, never, ever stop in the middle of a hoedown. 130 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,993 (crying) 131 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,703 Oh, honey, 132 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,415 I didn't realize how much that horn meant to you. 133 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:59,043 Don't worry. Daddy's gonna get it back. 134 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,505 I don't know how but I'll figure out something. 135 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,674 Thank you. 136 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,427 You know, Lisa, music helps Daddy think. 137 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:11,931 -(groans) -(rhythmic tones) 138 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,188 -(crowd chattering) -FLANDERS: Welcome, neighbors. 139 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,899 Since the police can't seem to get off their duffaroonies 140 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,694 to do something about this burglareeno, 141 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,530 I think it's time we start our own neighborhood watch... 142 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:28,865 aroonie! 143 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,451 -(cheering) -Now, who should lead the group? 144 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,202 -You! -ALL: Yea! 145 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,245 (chanting) Flanders! 146 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,456 Flanders! Flanders! 147 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,291 I don't really have very much experience, but-- 148 00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:40,543 -Someone else! -ALL: Yea! 149 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:41,711 (chanting) Someone else! 150 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,838 Someone else! Someone else! 151 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,840 -I'm someone else. -He's right! 152 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,426 We don't need a thinker. We need a doer. 153 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,970 Someone who'll act without considering the consequences. 154 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,848 ALL: (chanting) Homer! Homer! Homer! 155 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:56,184 -I'm with you, Homer! -I be with ya too, matey. 156 00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,728 -I'm with you, Homer. -You're the man, Homer. 157 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,938 -You should do it. -You're the man, man. 158 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,191 I'll join! I'm filled with piss and vinegar. 159 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,485 At first I was just filled with vinegar. 160 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,862 Hmm, sorry, Dad. You're too old. 161 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,656 (sputtering) Too old? 162 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,910 Why, that just means I have experience! 163 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,078 Who chased the Irish out of Springfield Village 164 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,121 in aught-four? 165 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,081 Me! That's who. 166 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,250 And a fine job you did too. 167 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:25,087 Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, 168 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340 but you're a very old man now, 169 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,717 and old people are useless. 170 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,886 -Aren't they? Aren't they? Huh? -(giggling) 171 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,763 Yes, they are! Yes, they are! 172 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,264 (baby talk) 173 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,267 Stop it! It's a form of abuse! 174 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,478 Hmm. Mm-hmm. 175 00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,063 -Mm-hmm-hmm. -Arr! 176 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,566 I don't think the guns are a good idea. 177 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,110 Marge! We're responsible adults. 178 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,112 -(gunshot) -Whoops. 179 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,490 And if a group of responsible adults 180 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,367 can't handle firearms in a responsible way-- 181 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,451 -(gunshot) -Sorry. 182 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,494 -(gunshot) -Uh-oh. 183 00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:57,537 -(gunshot) -Me again. 184 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,038 -(gunshot) -Sorry. 185 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:07,296 Okay, we've got the secret vigilante handshake. 186 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,881 Now we need code names. 187 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,217 I'll be Cue Ball, Skinner can be Eight Ball, 188 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,178 Barney will be Twelve Ball, and, Moe, you can be Cue Ball. 189 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,179 You're an idiot. 190 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:21,394 (grunts) So, wedding, huh? 191 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,354 No, we're forming a vigilante group. 192 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,690 Come with me. 193 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:28,234 See, it's a miniature version of the A-bomb. 194 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,278 The government built it in the '50s 195 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,362 to drop on beatniks. 196 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:36,409 "Radiant, cool, crazy nightmares. 197 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:39,078 Zen New Jersey nowhere." 198 00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:42,290 -(finger snapping) -(jet engine roaring) 199 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,166 Put this in your pipe and smoke it! 200 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:48,921 -(engine rattles) -Hmm? (grunt) 201 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:53,801 "How now, brown bureaucrat?" 202 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:56,512 (grunting) 203 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,723 Whoo-hoo! 204 00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,975 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 205 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,978 Whaa-ha-ha-ho! 206 00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:06,230 Take that, Maynard G. Krebs! 207 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,108 -Hey, see the sign? -Sorry. 208 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:17,033 Okay, men. It's time to clean up this town! 209 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,410 Meaning what, exactly? 210 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:22,079 You know, push people around, make ourselves feel big. 211 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,540 Bart, give me that megaphone of yours. 212 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,000 It's not just "a megaphone," Dad. 213 00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,585 It's a Rapmaster 2000. 214 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,171 Never mind the commercials. Just give it to me. 215 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:32,715 I've gotta whip this neighborhood into shape. 216 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:38,220 -Move along there. -(gasps) It's Hammer! 217 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,306 ♪♪ (dance) 218 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:44,477 Return to your homes and places of businesses. 219 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,771 (chattering) 220 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,607 -(grunting) Hmm? -♪♪ (saxophone) 221 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,525 (gasping) 222 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,612 Hey, you! 223 00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:56,530 Where'd you get that saxophone? 224 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,324 -Sears. -Get him! 225 00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,743 -(angry shouting) -I got him! I got him! 226 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,789 HOMER: No burning leaves without a permit! 227 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,457 -MAN: I got one. -HOMER: Too late! 228 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,131 (footsteps approaching) 229 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,926 You better have a good reason for doing that, boy. 230 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:20,513 It makes me feel like a big man. 231 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,891 Let me check my reason list. Yep, it's on here. 232 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:27,186 Hey, you're that drunken posse. 233 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:29,647 Wow! Can I join ya? 234 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:30,773 I don't know. 235 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,692 Can you swing a sack of doorknobs? 236 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:35,111 -Can I! -You're in. Here's the sack. 237 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,321 But you gotta supply your own knobs. 238 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,740 So I said to him, "Look, buddy, 239 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,410 "your car was upside down when we got here. 240 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,078 "And as for your grandma, 241 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:46,080 she shouldn't have mouthed off like that!" 242 00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,998 Dad, don't you see you're abusing your power 243 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,875 like all vigilantes? 244 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,212 I mean, if you're the police, who will police the police? 245 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,297 I dunno. Coast Guard? 246 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:58,050 Homer, wasn't the whole point to catch the cat burglar? 247 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,261 And I still don't have my saxophone. 248 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:03,097 Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, 249 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,975 but we've also expanded into other important areas. 250 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,893 Literacy programs, 251 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,645 preserving our beloved covered bridges, 252 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,605 world domination. 253 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:15,443 -World domination? -Oh, that might be a typo. 254 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,569 (thinking) Mental note: 255 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,612 The girl knows too much. 256 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,282 Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charge 257 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:24,618 that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down 80%, 258 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:28,330 while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking 900%? 259 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,207 Oh, people can come up with statistics 260 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,417 to prove anything, Kent. 261 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,794 Forfty percent of all people know that. 262 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,464 I see. Well, what do you say to the accusation 263 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:37,757 that your group has been causing more crimes 264 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:38,799 than it's been preventing? 265 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,718 Oh, Kent, I'd be lying 266 00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,429 if I said my men weren't committing crimes. 267 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,474 Hmm, touché. 268 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:47,850 (phone rings) 269 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,894 Well, it looks like we have our first caller. 270 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,938 And I mean ever because this is not a call-in show. 271 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,399 -Hello. You're on the air. -MAN: Hello, Kent. 272 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,652 Hello, Homer, my arch nemesis. 273 00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,571 Y'ello. 274 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,032 Uh... you do realize who this is. 275 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,159 Uh... Marge? 276 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,203 No, Homer, I'm not your wife, 277 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:09,747 although I do enjoy her pearls. 278 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,875 As a matter of fact, I'm holding them right now. 279 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,376 -Listen. -(pearls clattering) 280 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,920 Why, you monster! 281 00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:18,506 And you have my daughter's saxophone too! 282 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,925 -(man gasping) -(roaring) 283 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,552 Homer! That's our stage manager! 284 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,013 Oh. Sorry. I'm a little nervous. 285 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,516 It may interest you to know that for my next crime, 286 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:29,767 I'll be pinching the pride and joy of 287 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,685 the Springfield Museum, 288 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,063 the world's largest cubic zirconia. 289 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,065 Listen, Mr. Cat Burglar. 290 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,067 I vow to go without sleep 291 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,527 and guard the Springfield Museum day and night 292 00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,613 for as long as it takes from now on, 293 00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:43,864 unless you want to taunt me more 294 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,700 by giving me an approximate time. 295 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,328 -We'll be right back. -I get to say that! 296 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:55,626 Son, we want to help you catch that plug-ugly yegg. 297 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,337 Dad, the best way for you to help 298 00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,964 is to set a good example. 299 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,882 Just stand around and don't steal anything. 300 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:07,096 -Hey! -We're on our break! 301 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,682 -Any sign of the burglar yet? -He'll show. 302 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:11,058 -How's that? -It's his job. 303 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,434 -How's that? -He's a burglar. 304 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,813 ♪♪ (theme from "Dragnet") 305 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,696 Well, Mr. Cat Burglar. 306 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:26,490 You'd like to get in here, wouldn't you? 307 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,701 There's just one little problem-- 308 00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,786 thirty-six years ago, some lady gave birth to 309 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,998 a man named Homer J. Simp-- Oh, my God! 310 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,417 Underage kids drinking beer without a permit! 311 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,097 BOYS: (chanting) Chug! Chug! Chug! 312 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,515 Chug! Chug! Chug! 313 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,062 "Asleep at the switch"? 314 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,523 I wasn't asleep. I was drunk! 315 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,567 I believe you, Dad. 316 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,319 Well, no matter what the paper says, 317 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,778 I still have a job to do. 318 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,157 -(angry shouting) -(grunting) 319 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,659 Go home, Simpson! 320 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,456 You let me down, man! 321 00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,875 Now I don't believe in nothing no more. 322 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,877 I'm going to law school. 323 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,880 No!! 324 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:25,507 Dad, maybe this will cheer you up. 325 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:26,800 (rhythmic tones) 326 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:30,679 Oh, this doesn't work anymore. 327 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,640 I didn't say stop. 328 00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,729 Oh, my. I had no idea 329 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,689 how much this town loved that zirconia. 330 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,275 Let me through! Coming through! Oh! 331 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,903 Oh, Grandpa, they pelted you too? 332 00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:48,656 No, actually I fell down at the Big Boy. 333 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,991 Son, I've come to help you. 334 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,285 I know who the cat burglar is. 335 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,328 -What? -Who? 336 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,371 -Huh? -What? 337 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,665 Well, well, well. 338 00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:01,543 Before, I was too old and no one wanted my help. 339 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:05,506 Suddenly, look who comes to old grandpa with-- 340 00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:08,676 Wait! Where are you going? Come back. I'll tell you. 341 00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:12,262 He was right under my nose the whole time. 342 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,306 He lives in my retirement home. 343 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,849 His name is Malloy. 344 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,602 Wow! How'd you track him down, Grandpa? 345 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,604 Good question. 346 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,690 On one of my frequent trips to the ground-- 347 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,149 (yelps) 348 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:28,070 I noticed Malloy wore sneakers... 349 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,989 for sneaking! 350 00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,907 My next clue came just yesterday 351 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,242 at the museum. 352 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,577 We felt slighted by your age bashing 353 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,413 and started home. 354 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,291 Malloy said, "I'll catch up with you." 355 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,840 I couldn't quite put my finger on it. 356 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,926 There was something strange about the way he walked. 357 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,679 Much more vertical than usual. 358 00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:57,641 And finally, Malloy, unlike most retired people, 359 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,727 has the world's largest cubic zirconia 360 00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,229 on his coffee table. 361 00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,231 Aw, Dad, I could kiss ya! 362 00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:05,816 Well, kiss me right here. 363 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:06,942 It's the only part that still has feeling. 364 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,861 -Mwah! -Hmm. 365 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,237 -(angry shouting) -No, wait! 366 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,489 I know where the burglar is! 367 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,951 -To the retirement home! -ALL: Hooray! 368 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,954 -MAN: Let's go! -(angry shouting) 369 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,666 And there she is, 370 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,294 the world's largest cubic zirconia. 371 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,296 What an eyesore! 372 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,922 So, Mr. Malloy, 373 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:31,717 it seems that the cat has been caught 374 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,804 by the very person that was trying to catch him. 375 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,515 -How ironic. -Homer, old chap, well done. 376 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,350 If anyone was going to catch me, 377 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,852 I'm glad it was you. 378 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:45,773 Actually, it wasn't me. It was my dad, Grandpa. 379 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,775 Thanks, son. 380 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:51,653 So you see, old people aren't so useless after all. 381 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,531 Malloy's old, and he outsmarted the lot of you. 382 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,992 And I'm even older, and I outsmarted him! 383 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,119 (laughing) 384 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,205 -Shut up. -I've had my moment. 385 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,582 And of course, I'm happy to return 386 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,626 all of your treasured possessions. 387 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,003 (happy murmuring) 388 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,505 -Selma, my dear, -Ohh. 389 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,298 your lock of MacGyver's hair. 390 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:14,176 Thank you. I'll add it to the ball. 391 00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:18,764 And little Lisa, here's your saxophone. 392 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,642 Thank you, and thank you, Dad. 393 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,060 You got it back, 394 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,978 just like you said you would. 395 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,688 I sincerely regret any inconvenience 396 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,315 I may have caused, 397 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,734 and although I have stolen your material goods, 398 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,445 let me assure you that your dear town 399 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,488 has stolen my heart. 400 00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,573 ALL: Aww! 401 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:39,618 -Oh, he's so charming. -Let's let him go. 402 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,829 -Yeah! -Oh, sorry, folks. 403 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,748 Gee, I really hate to spoil this little love-in, 404 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,209 but Mr. Malloy broke the law. 405 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,795 And when you break the law, you gotta go to jail. 406 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,714 Uh, that reminds me. Uh, here's your monthly kickback. 407 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,801 You just-- You couldn't have picked a worse time. 408 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,678 HOMER: I caught the cat burglar! 409 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,179 I caught the cat burglar! 410 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:03,058 That means you! You are the cat burglar! 411 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,810 I suppose you're wondering where I hid 412 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:06,270 all the millions of dollars that I stole over the years. 413 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:07,980 -Shut up! -Wait a minute. 414 00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:09,356 Maybe we should hear him out. 415 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,191 Where'd you hide the loot, Malloy? 416 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,277 It's buried right here in Springfield, 417 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,987 under a big "T." 418 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,114 No kidding. 419 00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:19,116 Big "T," huh? 420 00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:23,495 Well, I guess I'll be going to my home now 421 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,914 and sleep. 422 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,000 Yeah, me too. 423 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:31,461 I will also go home... for sleep. 424 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,005 (all shouting) 425 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,966 Let me through! I gotta find a big "T"! 426 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:39,303 There's millions of dollars buried under a big "T"! 427 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:41,471 -What? -(people screaming) 428 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,982 We need more information. 429 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:55,235 Very well. It's buried at 4723 Maple Valley Road. 430 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,530 (sighs) 431 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,117 You take highway 201 south for 15 minutes. 432 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,620 You take a left, a left-- 433 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,122 (shouting) 434 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,834 -(yells) -(whimpers) 435 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,670 (siren wailing) 436 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,511 Whoa! That was fun, ladies! 437 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,639 (horn honks) 438 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,557 What's the matter with you, kid? 439 00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,768 You told me the stream was shallow! 440 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,519 Why, you-- I-- 441 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,522 (chuckling) Oh, you. Oh, kid. 442 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,275 I'll get even with you. (gurgling) 443 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:40,280 Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town 444 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:41,448 for some unknown reason. 445 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:42,991 Professor, 446 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,494 without knowing precisely what the danger is, 447 00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,829 would you say it's time for our viewers to 448 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,289 crack each other's heads open 449 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:52,000 and feast on the goo inside? 450 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,001 Yes, I would, Kent. 451 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:56,672 (siren wailing) 452 00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:04,846 ♪♪ (choir vocalizing) 453 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:22,364 Whoa. I found something. 454 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:25,158 (excited chattering) 455 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,202 WOMAN: Come on. Pull it out. 456 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,832 -It's just a piece of paper. -It's mine! 457 00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,542 "Frightfully sorry, 458 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,752 "but there is no hidden treasure. 459 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:38,755 "I have already used this time to escape from your jail. 460 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:40,215 Fondest wishes--" 461 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,050 Oh, I can't make out the signature! 462 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,594 Keep digging. We're bound to find something. 463 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:49,057 QUIMBY: Mmm. I guess we're not gonna find anything. 464 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,977 OTTO: Uh, how are we gonna get out of here? 465 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:55,063 HOMER: We'll dig our way out! (grunting) 466 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,983 WIGGUM: No, no. Dig up, stupid. 467 00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:01,570 (shovels digging) 468 00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:05,574 ♪♪ 469 00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:49,951 Shh! 470 00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:55,749 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.