1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,973 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,394 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,418 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,464 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,180 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,893 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,270 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,044 MAN: Products you could only imagine before. 14 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,879 The S.S. Microwave. 15 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,214 (dings) 16 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,466 Ah, my crepes are done. 17 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:36,221 The Doggy Doorman. 18 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,389 Good evening, Rex. 19 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,058 And Mobilier-- 20 00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:42,852 The chandelier for your car. 21 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,229 (grunts) 22 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,106 Whoa! 23 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,067 All On: I can't believe they invented it! 24 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,527 Hello, everybody. 25 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,320 I'm Troy McClure, 26 00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:55,281 star of such films as "'P' is for Psycho" 27 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:58,201 and "The President's Neck is Missing." 28 00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,619 But now I'm here to tell you 29 00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,287 about a remarkable new invention. 30 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:05,959 (forceful groaning) 31 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:09,838 Until now, this was the only way to get juice from an orange. 32 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:11,798 (groaning) 33 00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,758 (gasps) You mean there's a better way? 34 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:17,137 But that's all changed, thanks to the Juice Loosener. 35 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,056 Let's meet the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera. 36 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,559 Hello, Troy. Hi, everybody. 37 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,602 ALL: Hi, Dr. Nick. 38 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,147 Troy, would you like a glass of orange juice? 39 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,691 I sure would, but won't we have to pay 40 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,401 those outrageous grocery store prices 41 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,028 for something the farmer probably spit in? 42 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,114 Not anymore! 43 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:39,325 All thanks to the new Juice Loosener. 44 00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,036 (grinding) 45 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,997 Doctor, are you sure it's on? 46 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,290 I can't hear a thing! 47 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:48,042 It's whisper quiet! 48 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,462 (plop) 49 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:54,132 You got all that from one bag of oranges? 50 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,258 That's right. 51 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:56,593 Order now 52 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,136 and you'll also get Sun and Run, 53 00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:01,514 the suntan lotion that's also a laxative. 54 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:07,187 Got to get a juicer. Got to drink juice, lose weight. 55 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,814 Won't get chest pains from answering the phone anymore. 56 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:18,740 Please don't tell the supervisor 57 00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:20,116 I have the flu. 58 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,701 I've been working with a shattered pelvis 59 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,369 for three weeks. 60 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,913 (laughing) 61 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:27,123 (laughter stops) 62 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,082 (coughs) 63 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,674 Oh, my Juice Loosener is never going to come. 64 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,801 Hey, Dad, this came for you in the mail. 65 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,178 Whoo-hoo! 66 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:42,513 (screams) 67 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:45,767 Mother, get an extra special hug ready. 68 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,728 I bought you a new juicer. 69 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,480 (gasps) Good Lord! 70 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:53,399 Flu germs entering every orifice in my head. 71 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,817 (groans) 72 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,569 Happy birthday. 73 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,655 Happy birthday. 74 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,156 (both screaming) 75 00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:05,828 (clanging) 76 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,622 (clanging) 77 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,042 (humming) 78 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,961 Huh? What the..? 79 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,006 (screaming) 80 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,968 The dreaded Osaka flu has hit Springfield 81 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,345 with over 300 cases now reported. 82 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:26,015 Now over to Arnie Pie with Arnie in the Sky. 83 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:29,227 Route 401 is going around and around 84 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,397 and around and around and around. 85 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,482 And look out at the corner of 12th and Main 86 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,734 because I'm gonna be sick. Woop-- 87 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,361 Okay, Mr. Sun. 88 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,113 Gimme what you got. 89 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:42,824 (screaming) 90 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:48,371 98.6. You're fine. 91 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,206 Now hurry up, or you'll miss your bus. 92 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,835 Maybe you'd better take that temperature one more time. 93 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,758 Sarge, we keep getting orders 94 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,343 to let the virus win. 95 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,761 Must be a school day. 96 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,096 Lay down your arms. 97 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:07,932 All right! 98 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,601 Let's make some pus. 99 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,979 (slurping and laughing) 100 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:22,780 Ahh... 101 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,660 (groaning) 102 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:28,703 (screaming) 103 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,046 (laughing) 104 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,089 (coughing) 105 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,842 MAN: And now, for an emergency announcement from the mayor. 106 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:45,762 People of Springfield, because of the epidemic, 107 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,681 I have canceled my vacation to the Bahamas. 108 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,475 I shall not leave the city... 109 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,685 Hey, you! Get that steel drum 110 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,021 out of the, uh, mayor's office. 111 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,397 Sorry, mon. 112 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,484 Smithers, this plague doesn't scare me. 113 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,653 I've constructed a germ-free chamber for myself. 114 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:06,074 Not a single microbe can get in or out. 115 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,289 Who the devil are you? 116 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,917 Don't panic. Just come up with a good story. 117 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,211 My name is Mr. Burns. 118 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,212 D'oh! 119 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,963 ALL: We need a cure! 120 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,924 We need a cure! 121 00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:24,342 (laughing) 122 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,844 Why, the only cure is bed rest. 123 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,680 Anything I give you would only be a placebo. 124 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,391 Where do we get these placebos? 125 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:32,600 Maybe there's some in this truck. 126 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,146 (buzzing) 127 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,773 (screaming) 128 00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,066 I'm cured! 129 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,401 I mean, ouch! 130 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:44,195 Dad, Todd's speaking in tongues! 131 00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:47,240 (babbling) 132 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,408 I wish he were, Rod. 133 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,368 I pray for the day, but I... 134 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,620 I'm afraid he's just delirious from fever. 135 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:55,581 (babbling) 136 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,626 Oh, Neddy, why has God forsaken us? 137 00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:01,254 I can't imagine what we could have done to... 138 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,047 Oh... 139 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,133 (gasps) Oh, no! 140 00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:10,721 Hey, Peg, you got to take better care of the house. 141 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,474 These plants are all lifeless and limp. 142 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,853 Maybe they'd feel more at home in the bedroom, Al. 143 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,980 (audience cheering) 144 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:20,815 (laughing) 145 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:22,692 -(thunder crackling) -Uh-oh. 146 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,319 Oh, the network slogan is true. 147 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:29,323 "Watch Fox and be damned for all eternity." 148 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:31,492 LISA: Mom, can you bring me more O.J.? 149 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:34,412 BART: Can you get me some of those Flintstones chewable morphine? 150 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,997 There's no such thing. 151 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,374 HOMER: Marge, the boy is wasting valuable time. 152 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,334 Come change the channel and pat my head. 153 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,836 In a minute! 154 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,588 HOMER: But I'll miss Sheriff Lobo. 155 00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,257 And get me a bottle of bourbon. 156 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,468 Grandpa, you know you can't have liquids 157 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,969 after 3:00 p.m. 158 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:51,888 You can stir it into my mush. 159 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,182 Either way, just gimme, gimme, gimme! 160 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,310 LISA: Mom, I need more O.J. 161 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:58,686 BART: Flintstones chewable morphine! 162 00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:00,188 HOMER: I'll miss Sheriff Lobo. 163 00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,647 Mom, I need more O.J.! 164 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,107 Flintstones chewable morphine! 165 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,775 I'll miss Sheriff Lobo. 166 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,360 -O.J.! -Morphine! 167 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,904 -Lobo! -O.J.! 168 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,322 -Morphine! -Lobo. 169 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:12,742 And a bottle of aspirin please. 170 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,077 The aspirin is 24.95. 171 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,580 24.95?! 172 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,290 I lowered the price 173 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:21,292 because an escaped mental patient tampered with the bottle. 174 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,544 (grumbling) 175 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,883 -(alarm bell ringing) -(gasps) 176 00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:32,011 Oh, dear! The alarm must be broken. 177 00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,597 If you could just move a bit to your left. 178 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,018 (whispering) 8'6... 179 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,687 Oh, Sanjay, help Mrs. Simpson with her bag. 180 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,773 And while you're at it... 181 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:47,818 (both speaking foreign language) 182 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:51,906 Hmm... 183 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:57,662 (gasps) Mrs. Simpson, you did not pay for this bottle 184 00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,872 of Colonel Kwik-e-Mart's Kentucky Bourbon. 185 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,290 Oh... 186 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,708 no, I... 187 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,961 I guess I didn't. 188 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,212 -(siren blaring and tires screeching) -(gasps) 189 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,883 All right, come out with your hands up, 190 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,760 two cups of coffee, 191 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:15,846 an auto freshener that says "Capricorn," 192 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,848 and something with coconut on it. 193 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:24,438 Now, Marge, you've come to the right place. 194 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,982 By hiring me as your lawyer, 195 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,484 you also get this smoking monkey. 196 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,279 Better cut down there, Smokey. 197 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,488 Mr. Hutz... 198 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,824 Look, he's taking another puff! 199 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,910 Mr. Hutz, this was all a misunderstanding. 200 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,663 I didn't mean to take anything. 201 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,456 Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson. 202 00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,000 I... uh-oh. 203 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,752 We've drawn Judge Snider. 204 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:47,837 Is that bad? 205 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,338 Well, he's had it in for me 206 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,133 ever since I kinda ran over his dog. 207 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,050 You did? 208 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,844 Well, replace the word "kinda" 209 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,053 with the word "repeatedly," 210 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,723 and the word "dog" with "son." 211 00:09:58,806 --> 00:09:59,890 (groaning) 212 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,518 Look, Marge, I'll just talk to Apu, 213 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,437 and I'm sure he'll be reasonable. 214 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,690 (singing and Indian music playing) 215 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,609 Apu! 216 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:12,194 I'd like you to drop the charges against my wife. 217 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:16,032 No offense, but we're putting that bitch on ice! 218 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,701 Now, come on! I'm your best customer. 219 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,286 I'm sorry, Mr. Homer, 220 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,371 but it is the policy of the Kwik-e-Mart, 221 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,166 and its parent corporation Nordyne Defense Dynamics, 222 00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,877 to prosecute shoplifters to the full extent of the law. 223 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,298 (singing and Indian music playing) 224 00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:37,178 Don't tell anyone, 225 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:40,556 but Marge Simpson was arrested for shoplifting. 226 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,893 Let the word go forth from this time and place, 227 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,729 Marge Simpson is a shoplifter. 228 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,147 Hey! 229 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,858 In other news, the chick in "The Crying Game" 230 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,610 is really a man. 231 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:53,986 (booing) 232 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,989 I mean, man, is that a good movie. 233 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,366 (cheering) 234 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,825 And last Christmas, 235 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,744 Marge made us gingerbread men, 236 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,871 and there was a hair in one. 237 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,539 Well, I'll let you in on a little secret 238 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,749 about Marge Simpson. 239 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,043 She's got webbed toes. 240 00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:11,462 -(chuckles) -Eww, that's gross. 241 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,756 Oh, puh-lease. 242 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,925 Now, Marge don't you worry. 243 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,511 We've all had our brushes with the law. 244 00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:20,346 (knocking) 245 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,348 Are you Ed Flanders? 246 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:23,974 No. Ned Flanders. 247 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,226 My mistake. 248 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,064 I'll never have that problem again. 249 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:33,818 Um... will you excuse me while I go and freshen up? 250 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,571 I'll follow her. 251 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:44,328 (water running) 252 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,374 Just wash your hands 253 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:49,500 and get out. 254 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,086 (groaning) 255 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,632 MAN: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury 256 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,051 who do you find more attractive, 257 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,554 Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson? 258 00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:02,888 What is the point of all this? 259 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,433 Your honor, I feel so confident 260 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,810 of Marge Simpson's guilt 261 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,645 that I can waste the court's time 262 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,731 by rating the superhunks. 263 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,983 (excited murmuring) 264 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,776 Ooh, he's going to win. 265 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,737 Mr. Hutz! 266 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,196 Now, Mrs. Lovejoy, 267 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,782 could you tell us a little about Marge Simpson? 268 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,951 Well, as the wife of the minister, 269 00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:27,079 I'm privy to a lot of sensitive information. 270 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,497 And here it is. 271 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,040 Marge's husband doesn't earn much, 272 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,667 and the family's a mess 273 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,878 and quite frankly, I think she, um.... 274 00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,465 Let the record show 275 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:40,176 that the witness made the drinky-drinky motion. 276 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:50,352 And if we freeze on frame 138, we distinctly see 277 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:54,106 a puff of blue hair coming from the grassy knoll. 278 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,234 Now, Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot 279 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,695 she was carrying that bottle of... 280 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,906 delicious bourbon, 281 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,241 brownest of the brown liquors. 282 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,744 So tempting. 283 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:07,787 What's that? 284 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,455 You want me to drink you? 285 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,791 But I'm in the middle of a trial. 286 00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:12,875 Excuse me. 287 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,173 (ringing) 288 00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:22,134 Hello, David? I'm really tempted. 289 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:26,388 Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you. 290 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,307 I love you, too, man. 291 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:32,353 So, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name 292 00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:34,647 have you ever forgotten anything? 293 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:35,981 No. 294 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,235 In fact, I can recite pi to 40,000 places. 295 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,237 The last digit is one. 296 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,656 Mmm, pie. 297 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,699 Well, if you never forget anything 298 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:49,662 tell me this: What color tie am I wearing? 299 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:50,830 You are wearing 300 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,748 a red and white striped club tie 301 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,750 in a half-Windsor knot. 302 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,001 Oh, I am, am I? 303 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,837 Is that what you think? 304 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,880 Well, if that is what you think, 305 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,424 I have something to tell you. 306 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,678 Something that may shock and discredit you. 307 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:09,014 And that thing is as follows: 308 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,600 I'm not wearing a tie at all. 309 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,352 (gasping) 310 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,688 But if I am wrong about that, 311 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,148 maybe I am wrong about Mrs. Simpson. 312 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,860 No further questions. 313 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,362 Kids, I got a crazy feeling 314 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,281 your mom's not going to prison. 315 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,199 (cheering) 316 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,702 You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow. 317 00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,955 Uh, was he the black guy on "The Mod Squad"? 318 00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:34,290 Mr. Hutz, when I grow up, 319 00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,959 I want to be a lawyer just like you. 320 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,377 Good for you, son. 321 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,713 If there's one thing America needs, 322 00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,423 it's more lawyers. 323 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:45,718 Can you imagine a world without lawyers? 324 00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:48,137 ♪♪ 325 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,098 (shudders) 326 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,184 And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 327 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,228 I rest my case. 328 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:59,899 Hmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know you're not wearing any pants? 329 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,109 What? (yells) 330 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,530 I move for a bad court thingy. 331 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:08,157 You mean a mistrial? 332 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,242 Yeah. That's why you're the judge 333 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,244 and I'm the law-talking guy. 334 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,913 -The lawyer. -Right. 335 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,332 The foreman will pass the verdict to the bailiff. 336 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,837 This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin. 337 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,714 And it still says "guilty." 338 00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:26,884 -And "guilty" is spelled wrong. -Eep. 339 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,845 Will the foreman please read the real verdict? 340 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,931 We find the defendant guilty. 341 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,600 Marge Simpson, 342 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:37,186 I sentence you to 30 days in prison. 343 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,855 Next case, the National Council of Churches 344 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,857 v. Lionel Hutz. 345 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,109 Oh, right. That thing. 346 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,486 (weeping) 347 00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:47,446 You're still my hero, Mom. 348 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:50,950 Now you kids be good while mother's in prison. 349 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,201 Don't worry, Mom. 350 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,911 I'll bust you out of there 351 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:55,829 just as soon as I get a cocktail dress and a crowbar. 352 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,962 Bartina, until I met you, 353 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:06,090 I was the loneliest warden in the penal system. 354 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:07,716 Fresh. 355 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,637 Oh... down I go. 356 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,142 (chuckles) 357 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,144 I'll be fine, dear. 358 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,271 Marge, I'm going to miss you so much, 359 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,482 and it's not just the sex. 360 00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,401 It's also the food preparation, 361 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,529 your skill with stains of all kinds, 362 00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:31,365 but mostly I'll miss how lucky you make me feel 363 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:32,866 each and every morning. 364 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,285 I'll miss you, too, Homie. 365 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,917 With her behind bars, our store is secure. 366 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:42,960 (air brakes releasing) 367 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,421 (diesel engine running) 368 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:50,217 I'm taking this thing to Mexico. 369 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,802 (laughing) 370 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:06,942 Knock, knock. 371 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:10,029 I'm Marge Simpson, your new cellmate. 372 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,363 I'm Phillips. 373 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,906 They call me that 'cause I killed my husband 374 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,575 with a Phillips head screwdriver. 375 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:15,743 Hmm. 376 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,873 It's so nice not to have to cook. 377 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,125 You mean your husband never cooked for you? 378 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,878 Well, once. 379 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:32,885 Homer, I don't think this fish is quite dead yet. 380 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,303 HOMER: Marge, please. 381 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,263 I'm having enough trouble with the lobsters. 382 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:37,931 Oh, uh! D'oh! 383 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,188 Oh, my goodness. 384 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,731 That's Tattoo Annie. 385 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:50,569 (Marge reads tattoo) 386 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,404 Hmm. I don't understand. 387 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,907 It's one of those Mad Magazine fold-ins. 388 00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,620 Amazing. 389 00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:01,413 Now, kids, while your mother's gone, 390 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,540 I don't want to have to wash any dishes, 391 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,794 so from now on drink straight from the faucet or milk carton, 392 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:09,463 and we'll eat while standing over the sink or toilet. 393 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:10,798 Who's gonna change Maggie? 394 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,217 We're gonna let her roam free in the backyard, 395 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,052 and nature will take its course. 396 00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:18,138 Excuse me, but I think if we all do our fair share 397 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,057 we can keep this house clean. 398 00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:22,893 (yowling) 399 00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:25,270 (crashing) 400 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:26,814 (growling) 401 00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,983 Dad, we're running out of clean clothes. 402 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,320 It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever. 403 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,822 HOMER: Go up to the attic. 404 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:36,657 There's a whole trunk of clothes up there. 405 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:40,202 (humming "Bridal March") 406 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,788 All right! Bologna and cheese! 407 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:44,248 What do you got, Bart? 408 00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:45,707 Pack of sugar, 409 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,210 and peanut butter smeared on a playing card. 410 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,547 Ha-ha! Your mom's a jailbird. 411 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:52,631 So's yours. 412 00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:54,758 Oh, yeah. Let's play. 413 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,724 LISA: Oh, Mom, I've missed you so much. 414 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,185 Oh, honey, I've missed you too. 415 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:08,397 Homer, is that an old Halloween costume? 416 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,898 Uh... 417 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,066 no. 418 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,027 So, how are things at home? 419 00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,779 We flushed a gator down the toilet, 420 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,073 but it got stuck halfway, and now we have to feed it. 421 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:21,160 I'll bet you want a piece of me. 422 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,494 Well, you ain't going to get it. 423 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,830 See? Ha-ha-ha! 424 00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,665 Oh... 425 00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:27,541 Hey! 426 00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,126 Gosh darn it. 427 00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:36,091 HOMER: Honey, I don't know what you're feeling right now, 428 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,385 so I don't want to push anything. 429 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:41,847 We can just hold hands or sit and talk. 430 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,142 (growling) 431 00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,018 (Homer yells) 432 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,899 Oh, do you have any of those delicious marshmallow squares? 433 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:54,276 Sorry, Marge Simpson makes those. 434 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,069 -Oh, darn. -(everyone sighs) 435 00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:00,490 $15 short. 436 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:04,494 Exactly what Marge Simpson's marshmallow squares bring in. 437 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,872 Can we still afford that statue of Lincoln? 438 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,124 No, I'm afraid we'll have to go with something cheaper. 439 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,292 Eh. 440 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,420 I, uh, give you our 39th president... 441 00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:15,297 Jimmy Carter. 442 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,590 Oh, come on. 443 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,092 He's history's greatest monster. 444 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:21,762 (angry yelling) 445 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,818 Release the dogs. 446 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,779 Gee, they look pretty mad. 447 00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:41,281 Yeah, I've been starving 'em, teasing 'em, 448 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,532 singing off-key. 449 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:45,118 (singing off-key) 450 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,205 (screaming) No, no, no! Nice doggie! 451 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:49,706 This never would have happened 452 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,625 if Marge Simpson was here. 453 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,089 Good-bye, Marge. 454 00:20:57,172 --> 00:20:58,215 I'll miss you. 455 00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:00,092 I hope you find somebody. 456 00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:03,220 Men are such slime, but I'm seeing this new guy. 457 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,596 I think he's different. 458 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,932 Yoo-hoo! (belches) 459 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:08,809 He says his name is Homer, 460 00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:11,019 and he works at the nuclear plant. 461 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,688 Oh... 462 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,399 We've got to clean this up before Mom gets back. 463 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:16,858 No problemo. 464 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,694 We'll just sweep it all under the rug. 465 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,737 (rumbling) 466 00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:22,906 (crunching and cracking) 467 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:26,827 MAN: Hey, watch it. 468 00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:34,251 (cheering and applause) 469 00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:36,878 I didn't expect all this. 470 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,505 Well, we never should have let you go. 471 00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,757 From now on I'll use my gossip for good 472 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,050 instead of evil. 473 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,386 Three cheers for Marge Simpson. 474 00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,179 ALL: Hip, hip, hooray! 475 00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:49,391 Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! 476 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:50,517 Now, Marge, 477 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,978 we have a special treat for you. 478 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,358 Uh... it's beautiful. 479 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,541 ♪♪ 480 00:22:57,709 --> 00:22:58,627 Shh! 481 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,966 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.