1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,339
阿森一族

2
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:07,924
（歡迎蒞臨春田核電廠）

3
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,595
（春田小學）

4
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:18,768
（我不再叫校長笨頭）

5
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,901
（注意安全）

6
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,945
（《媽媽雜誌》、小丑庫斯提麥片）

7
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,850
(KBBL電台 )

8
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:46,147
在這美麗的情人節
跟你一起跳怪物舞

9
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,816
（炒魷魚，吃我短褲）

10
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,901
馬提，今天為何播那首歌？
世間情歌明明千百萬首

11
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:51,402
（得獎豬，你好爛）

12
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:52,695
這也算是情歌啊

13
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,448
所有怪物同享歡樂，一起跳舞

14
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,616
（紅）

15
00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:57,909
保持好他們的邪惡

16
00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,702
你播錯歌了吧？

17
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,787
（愛情好噁心）

18
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:01,871
你幹嘛這樣對我？

19
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:10,296
這只是卡片公司用來賣卡片的節日

20
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:14,676
我孫女寄來的情人卡耶

21
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:16,719
信封送我好嗎？

22
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:20,807
給老莫，你的神祕愛慕者送

23
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:24,269
-喲呵
-天啊，不要

24
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:29,649
為榮耀這特別日子
這送給我的小心肝寶貝

25
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:30,817
（我愛你）

26
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,653
特別日子，我又忘了什麼？

27
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,947
不要慌，煙肉節嗎？

28
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,574
不對，你瘋了

29
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,326
她快不耐煩了，亂猜一下

30
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,454
情人節快樂

31
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,290
謝謝你，親愛的

32
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,169
你一定安排了很多驚喜吧，爸爸

33
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:51,421
算是吧

34
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,424
現在都沒人重視情人節了

35
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,635
如果你覺得我可愛

36
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,013
要我陪你

37
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,682
拜託，愛妻，讓我知道

38
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,730
爸，何不把你的禮物送給媽？

39
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,357
好主意耶， 兒子

40
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,234
它…

41
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:16,070
放在我們家的樓上

42
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:17,947
我上樓拿

43
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,209
（不收支票、信用卡 、食物券）

44
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,543
阿普，你要救我

45
00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,587
我需要情人節禮物送老婆

46
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,796
送這個不錯喔

47
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:34,964
（愛）

48
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,926
好耶，你救了我一命，多少錢？

49
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,093
100元

50
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,679
什麼？那是搶錢，我不買

51
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,264
你會買的

52
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:44,807
休想啦

53
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,768
（現金）

54
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,524
好吧，但我不會來這買東西了

55
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,320
他發現隔壁那間平價超市
損失就大了

56
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,907
-過期嬰兒食物折五仙
-成交

57
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,826
胡芙老師，可交換情人卡了嗎？

58
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,370
還沒，珍妮

59
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:09,499
我們要先做好放情人卡的信箱

60
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,459
那不是無事忙嗎？

61
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,211
一針見血，笑吧

62
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:14,629
什麼事，拉爾夫？

63
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,340
我爸媽不讓我使用剪刀

64
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,219
同學們笑你是對的，拉爾夫

65
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,096
這種東東連牛油都切不斷

66
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,724
-拿出你們的紅蠟筆
-胡芙老師？

67
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:27,934
什麼事，拉爾夫？

68
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,228
我沒有紅蠟筆

69
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,188
-為什麼？
-我吃掉了

70
00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:37,235
大家注意，我是斯金納校長

71
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:41,322
有些同學，極可能是巴特辛普森
在亂傳心型糖果

72
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,491
上面寫著粗俗低級笑話

73
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:47,245
我跟你們說，情人節不是笑話

74
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:52,458
（峴港市，1969年）

75
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:56,087
（美國陸軍）

76
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,797
寄情人卡給你女人啊？

77
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,007
對啊

78
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,471
強尼…

79
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,349
強尼

80
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,227
噢，我搞瘋他了

81
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,939
好，同學們，交換情人卡吧

82
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:18,234
胡芙老師，我的頭黏到肩膀了

83
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,535
（貝琪，山姆）

84
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,292
（拉爾夫）

85
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,044
（麗莎）

86
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,170
可憐的拉爾夫

87
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:39,672
送給你，拉爾夫

88
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,216
（我啜啜啜選擇你，情人節快樂）

89
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:46,804
-你啜啜啜選擇我？
-情人節快樂

90
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,019
（牛奶）

91
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,145
（今天特餐）

92
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,396
好耶， 特別節日特餐

93
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,066
（美國軍品）

94
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,194
-這批牛心要放哪？
-地上

95
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,572
-地不太乾淨耶
-做好工作，熱心男

96
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,587
巴特，怎麼了？

97
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,256
我的狒狒心臟，身體…

98
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:23,841
在排斥它

99
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:37,438
可以送你回家嗎？情人

100
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:38,689
那好吧

101
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:42,235
那張情人卡好好玩喔

102
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,112
很高興你喜歡

103
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:48,157
上面寫，啜啜啜選擇我

104
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,493
還有火車的圖畫

105
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,328
對，gag不爛喔

106
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,541
那…

107
00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:00,503
你喜歡東東嗎？

108
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,050
醫生說不要一直挖鼻孔

109
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,177
就不會流那麼多鼻血了

110
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,555
我家到了

111
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,476
打啊，貓鼠大戰

112
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,894
《貓鼠大戰》

113
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,938
（血腥情人節）

114
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,358
（我愛你）

115
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,208
（報紙，要有心臟才能活命）

116
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:50,553
小朋友，別忘了觀賞
我的29週年紀念騷

117
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,347
播出像這樣的雜耍家梅爾精彩片段

118
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,433
頭暈暈美味醬

119
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:59,270
大家老是拍你馬屁

120
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:03,900
我才不怕老實說，你是個…

121
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,278
能上那節目，要我怎樣都可以

122
00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,197
賣了長子都可以

123
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,449
-嘿
-你給我聽話

124
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,201
拉爾夫以為我喜歡他

125
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:16,454
但我送他情人卡，是因為同情他

126
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:17,997
甜蜜同情心

127
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,416
沒有它，我哪來的愛情生活啊？

128
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:23,044
要怎麼說
才能讓男孩知道你對他沒興趣？

129
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:24,378
喔，寶貝…

130
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,089
讓我來，美枝，我聽得多了

131
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:28,674
我把你當朋友那樣喜歡

132
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,928
我們應該多認識其他人
我不會講英語

133
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:34,514
-我懂了
-我要嫁給大海

134
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,265
我很不想殺你，但別逼我

135
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:40,061
寶貝…我會跟那男孩說
我很受寵若驚

136
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,772
但還沒為這種事做好準備

137
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:43,856
謝謝，媽媽

138
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,359
那招沒用，十個字

139
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,694
我不是同志，但我願學習

140
00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:53,366
拉爾夫，我覺得你人很好
但我還沒為這種事做好準備

141
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,743
-你明白嗎？
-大概吧

142
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,328
很好

143
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:03,501
爸，怎麼讓女孩喜歡你？

144
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:06,879
兒子，你想追求女孩或敲碎核桃時

145
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,756
就要死纏爛打

146
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,884
撐下去，不能失去英氣

147
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,430
快啊，你這臭核桃…

148
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,476
這叫殺雞儆猴，給我記住

149
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,104
好，爸，我會死纏爛打的

150
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,940
-你就那樣追到媽媽的？
-喔，兒子啊

151
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,235
不要低估制服男的魅力

152
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,612
喔，耶

153
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:36,242
喔，耶

154
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,455
《小丑庫斯提29週年紀念騷》

155
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,459
小朋友們，四天後
我的週年紀念騷就要登場了

156
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:49,380
29年耶，一開始
他們還說我撐不過一星期

157
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:52,967
知道那些酸民哪去了嗎？死透了

158
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,011
你們在地底下過得好嗎？

159
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,055
總之，精彩片段來了

160
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:02,184
他們為什麼叫他尿尿猴？

161
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,730
我剛頓悟了

162
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,649
那段超好笑，理由超多

163
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,443
我們一定要去上那節目

164
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,361
算了吧，想拿到票

165
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,531
爸媽必須是春田文化界精英

166
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:19,160
你們相信佛蘭德斯
居然把好好的牙刷丟了嗎？

167
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,918
喔，慘了，是拉爾夫

168
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,545
幫我編藉口弄走他

169
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,591
-她在開大，走開
-是的，先生

170
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,217
我願為麗莎做任何事

171
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,219
真的？

172
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:44,310
辛普森先生，柏油味害我頭好暈

173
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:45,728
是喔，正常

174
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:49,023
（總統日選角會）

175
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:53,611
最親愛的瑪莎
我從小就希望能登上一元鈔票

176
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,447
在你的協助下，我會達成的

177
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,741
喬治華盛頓敬上

178
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,119
謝謝你，雷斯

179
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:06,624
我為我們的 《總統日慶典》
選定演出者了

180
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:10,044
瑪莎華盛頓由麗莎辛普森飾演

181
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,255
喬治華盛頓的飾演者為…

182
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,716
拉爾夫維古姆

183
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,303
什麼？太可笑了

184
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,598
大家都知道我這可笑學校的最佳演員

185
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,017
-坐下，雷斯
-我不坐下

186
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,520
有人控制了你，謊話母牛

187
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:28,813
你太誇張了，雷斯

188
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,440
拉爾夫贏得光明正大

189
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,401
信號來了

190
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,485
（僅限老師停車）

191
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:35,945
放開她的車，兄弟們

192
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,782
拉爾夫現在要跟我同台演戲了

193
00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:43,494
他一定會在全校師生面前害我出醜

194
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:51,043
慘了，是拉爾夫送來的

195
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,673
一輛馬里布辣妹跑車

196
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:57,925
看看“厚“車廂

197
00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,719
他一定是指後車廂

198
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,307
庫斯提週年紀念騷的票

199
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,977
他一定想要我一起去

200
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,770
不公平

201
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,231
我迷庫斯提比你迷十倍

202
00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,525
甚至做了庫斯提居家驗孕法

203
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:15,609
（警告，可能會造成畸型兒）

204
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,195
我好像不該去，我根本不喜歡他

205
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:21,031
你對，你不該去，那樣不誠實

206
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,242
我去，偽裝成你

207
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,119
萬一他想牽手呢？

208
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:26,746
我做好犧牲準備了

209
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,205
萬一他想親親呢？

210
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,416
-我做好犧牲準備了
-萬一他…

211
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,001
你不會想知道我願犧牲到什麼程度

212
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,544
（奧羅羅伯特大學獎狀
內德佛蘭德斯）

213
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:36,881
爸，拿你不喜歡之人的東西
是對的嗎？

214
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,424
當然，寶貝

215
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:40,634
你是指偷東西吧？

216
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,471
其實沒有“偷“那麼糟啦

217
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:45,264
但我的良心過不去

218
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:46,640
你的良心？

219
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:50,644
麗莎，別讓那咄咄逼人小矮人
教你怎麼做

220
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,439
荷馬，這樣說很沒良心喔

221
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,816
-閉嘴啦
-遵命

222
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:01,697
我好高興你啜啜啜選擇一起來

223
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,450
你應該休息一下喔，拉爾夫

224
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,994
維古姆警長，你怎麼把票弄到手的？

225
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,871
庫斯提很會做人

226
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,040
（春田X級電影院現在放映
《黛比睡春田》）

227
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,128
什麼都比不上一部好色情片

228
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,422
維古姆警長，你要逮捕我嗎？

229
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:20,257
對

230
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,926
正是，逮捕

231
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,470
那故事不適合小朋友聽喔

232
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,348
真的？在這版中，我沒脫褲

233
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:32,353
歡迎觀賞小丑庫斯提
29週年紀念騷

234
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:33,687
嘿

235
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,067
謝謝…

236
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,069
嘿，總統先生

237
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:43,239
我幫另一個助選的，但票投給你喔

238
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:50,621
我做這節目是好久以前了
那時阿亞圖拉還只有山羊鬍

239
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,457
（拍手）

240
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,087
是怎樣，你們都不看報紙的嗎？

241
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,756
來看精彩片段吧

242
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,049
（羅伯特佛洛斯特，1963年）

243
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,760
他不會看到我停在這裡

244
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,304
看他的森林下滿了雪…

245
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,641
佛洛斯特，你想要雪嗎？

246
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,521
我們討論過的，我說不要

247
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,150
這是1973年的精彩片段

248
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,861
《科隆隨著庫斯提》

249
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,288
我當時吃了什麼？

250
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,499
麗莎，你想咬一口我的雪條嗎？

251
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:36,792
不了，謝謝

252
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,252
拿過來，小子

253
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,337
-哎喲
-噢

254
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,674
噢，朱古力是洗不掉的，你看

255
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,261
我多年來跟過幾位出色的二把手合作

256
00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:50,973
但最讓人難忘的就是雜耍拉西

257
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:55,394
劇本寫我應用這個敲你

258
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,604
勸你不要

259
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,938
好喔

260
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,030
好一個憤怒青年

261
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,490
現在最精彩的一段來了

262
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,618
上面寫什麼？

263
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,411
跟觀眾吹水？

264
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,830
老天，總是冷場到死

265
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,165
好吧

266
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,834
拜託不要叫到我和拉爾夫

267
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,795
-你叫什麼名字，孩子？
-拉爾夫

268
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,215
這是你女朋友嗎，拉爾夫？

269
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,676
沒錯，我愛麗莎辛普森

270
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,387
我長大後要娶她

271
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,640
不要

272
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:36,477
你聽好，我不喜歡你
我沒喜歡過你

273
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,437
我會送你那張傻傻情人卡

274
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,522
是因為沒人送你

275
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:45,110
看好，麗莎，他的心裂成兩半那一刻
可看得很清楚喔

276
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,739
就…現在

277
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,920
至少你們還是我朋友

278
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,718
兒子，我懂你心情

279
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,262
你追過優秀小女孩，世界都你的

280
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,765
錯，爸，她害我像個傻子

281
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:18,268
嘿，回想起來，真的耶

282
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:22,773
她沒算計到警察警長權力有多大

283
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,985
我把警徽放哪去了？

284
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,696
喂，鴨子咬走了

285
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,865
回來，還給我，我需要它

286
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,034
送你啦

287
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,416
有事嗎，警官？

288
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,334
對，車尾燈壞了

289
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,502
哪裡？

290
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,587
那裡

291
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:49,133
總有一天正直良民們會挺身而出

292
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,342
對抗你們惡警

293
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,386
是嗎？喔，毀了

294
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:53,804
他們設好日期沒？

295
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,391
《為總統日歡呼》

296
00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,102
（一定要看才能拿到學分
斯金納校長）

297
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,228
（總統日飲品，五毫燈汁）

298
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,312
我們只能靠橙汁賺回來

299
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,690
上齣《消防演習蠢事》害我們賠慘了

300
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,026
我都不知道哪出錯了

301
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:10,487
你一開場就大喊消防演習
大家全跑光了

302
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,700
母親說得沒錯，都我的錯

303
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,619
快，再稀釋多一點

304
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:21,749
天哪，我稀釋到不能再稀釋了

305
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,709
我不能再加水了

306
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:28,255
大家晚安
歡迎觀賞精彩絕倫話劇之夜

307
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,674
完場時，請自行清潔環境

308
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,888
首先我們要向無名總統們致敬

309
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:43,103
我們是無名小卒總統

310
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,482
鈔票錢幣上看不到我們的臉

311
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:48,233
有個太勒，有個泰勒

312
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,902
有個菲爾莫爾，有個海耶斯

313
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,612
有個威廉亨利哈里遜

314
00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:53,280
我30天就死了

315
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:58,327
我們合宜合格，很好忘記…

316
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,455
偶爾略帶遺憾…

317
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,749
看守總統們

318
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:08,545
美國總統

319
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,846
女孩們，看這個總統

320
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,015
我不是屁股

321
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:24,228
巴特，你想演約翰威爾克斯布思

322
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,604
還是想像個神經病？

323
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:26,772
我會乖的

324
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:33,570
-拉爾夫，對不起，我…
-離我遠一點

325
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,739
我是來演喬治華盛頓的

326
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:37,991
拉爾夫？

327
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:43,163
胡芙老師，這假鬍子讓我出疹

328
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,083
米爾豪斯，你只有一句台詞
就被暗殺掉了

329
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,085
給我上台去

330
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:51,463
我以為內戰永不會結束

331
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:56,718
現在讓福特劇院之夜來療癒我吧

332
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,596
慘了，約翰威爾克斯布思

333
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,849
再見拜拜啦，小林

334
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,521
快啊，小子，幹掉他

335
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,567
輪到你了，查斯特亞瑟

336
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:15,279
放開我，北方佬

337
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,698
現在接近尾聲了

338
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:22,161
請觀賞壓軸好戲
重演喬治華盛頓的傳奇一生

339
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,376
親愛的喬治華盛頓

340
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:33,088
你夢想的自由值得流這麼多血嗎？

341
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,675
值得嗎？

342
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:45,559
親愛的女士
我們呼吸的空氣能標價嗎？

343
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,895
支持我們的天意呢？

344
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,564
難道我們不能向英軍投降嗎？

345
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,274
絕不

346
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,112
那小子演技精湛

347
00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,908
他讓我更想向開國元勳們學習了

348
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,410
-來去圖書館
-耶

349
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:07,497
親愛的瑪莎，我時日無多

350
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:09,499
喔，喬治

351
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,920
你的湯來了，總統先生

352
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,297
我不要喝湯

353
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:18,675
你走，免得我用拐杖打你

354
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,552
是的

355
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,057
請不要離開我，喬治

356
00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:30,562
愛妻，若我能帶一件寶物去來生

357
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:33,607
我想帶走你溫柔的吻

358
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,905
真是男子漢啊

359
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:51,333
我爸因為偷豬被吊死時，我都沒哭

360
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,418
現在我卻哭了

361
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:06,598
自海至光輝之海

362
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,017
感謝捧場

363
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,728
別忘了買杯橙汁

364
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:13,772
長途開車可以喝喝

365
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,401
拉爾夫…你太優秀了

366
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,987
（後台出口）

367
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,114
-麗莎
-嗨，拉爾夫

368
00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:23,865
你今晚演得太出色了

369
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:25,325
謝謝了

370
00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:27,244
我有東西送你

371
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,080
我們來做朋友吧

372
00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:33,625
上面寫“蜜蜂“，還有蜜蜂圖晝

373
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,337
我就知道你會喜歡

374
00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:41,091
你看看

375
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:42,718
各單位注意

376
00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:44,970
-暴動發生…
-今晚不管

377
00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:49,433
嘿…比爾和馬提
來給美麗總統日收尾了

378
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:53,854
喬治，亞伯和眾總統們
這首特別的歌獻給你們

379
00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:58,775
討厭