♪ The Simpsons ♪
(chalk screeches)
(bell rings)
(work whistle blows)
-(sucking) -(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
(tires screeching)
(horn honks)
(tires screech)
D'oh!
-Aah! -(tires screech)
Live from Hawaii's beautiful Molokai Island--
we're not just for lepers anymore--
it's...
I'm your host, Troy McClure.
You may remember me from such films
as "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules,"
and "Dial "M" For Murderousness."
Tonight we'll see Angela Lansbury
walk on hot coals.
Excitement, she wrote!
(painful groaning)
How could someone abuse their body that way?
Moe, don't throw out that brine.
But first, a man
whose inspiring battle with Percodan addiction
is soon to be a movie of the week:
Krusty the Clown!
I'll be played by Jimmy Smits.
(laughing)
Now he faces his toughest audience--
three Siberian tigers.
Simba, on the ball!
(screaming)
Eh, they'll be chewing on him for a while.
Ay-yi-yi, la policia!
(laughing)
Hey, Homer, phone call.
Hi, Homie.
It's really starting to snow.
I think you should come home.
But, Marge, Alan Thicke is throwing knives
at Ricardo Montalban.
-Ow! -Sorry, Ricardo.
BILL: Take it easy folks, it's snow picnic out there.
MARTY: (chuckles) I snow what you mean.
BILL: You're dead weight, Marty.
(screams)
(groans)
D'oh!
Well, I got him as good as he got me.
D'oh!
Now, before I give you the check
one more question:
this place "Moe's" you left
just before the accident--
this is a business of some kind?
Don't tell him you were at a bar.
But what else is open at night?
It's a pornography store.
I was buying pornography.
Heh, heh, heh.
I would have never thought of that.
(grunts)
'Fraid old Zeke,
he rides up here with me.
Can't trust a pig with watermelons, you know.
(loud slurping)
She'll go 300 hectares
on a single tank of kerosene.
What country is this car from?
It no longer exists
but take her for a test drive
and you'll agree, zagreb ebnom zlotdik diev.
Put it in "H."
HOMER: Kids, if we buy a new car
we get our parking validated for free.
Do you come with the car?
Oh, you. (giggles)
Do you come with the car?
Oh, you. (giggles)
(imitating gun fire and grenade explosions)
Bart, that car belonged to Bonnie and Clyde.
Show a little respect.
Mm-hmm!
Our tireless safety engineers
crash-test over 1,000 cars a year.
Hey, wait. That's not a dummy.
This exhibit is closed.
(gasps) The Batmobile!
(gasps)
Adam west!
Hey, kids-- Batman!
Dad, that's not the real Batman.
Of course I'm Batman.
See, here's a picture of me with Robin.
Who the hell's Robin?
I guess you're only familiar with the new Batman movies.
Michelle Pfeiffer, hah.
The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar
Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.
And I didn't need molded plastic to improve my physique.
Pure West.
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore?
Remember the Batusi?
Nice meeting you.
Just keep moving. Don't make eye contact.
(gasps) Wow!
Just think what I could do with that plow.
Homer, I've got to sneak these valuable art works
out of the white house,
but I can't get out of my driveway
because of these protesters.
Mr. President, those young people
are about to get a dose of reality.
(people screaming)
(chuckling)
Oh, I can't afford it.
Pally, this doesn't cost money, it makes money.
You make the payments by plowing driveways on the side.
Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.
Your wife?
(imitates whip cracking)
Wait, you think I'm gonna buy a $20,000 truck
just because you make that noise?
(cracking whip)
I'll take it!
I can't believe you bought that plow.
We can't afford it.
If you're gonna get mad at me
every time I do something stupid
then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things.
-Good. -Fine.
I'll never, ever do another stupid thing.
Good night.
Oh, Homie, didn't that hurt?
No.
HOMER: Marge didn't reckon
with these flyers and this flashy jacket.
Uh! Oh!
Oh! Ah!
Ohh!
BARNEY: Forget it, Homer.
People don't read these things.
Watch. 20% off at Lullabuys.
Just tell them Big Baby sent you.
I know you can hear me.
I'm talking to you.
You sicken me.
I guess guys like us just can't get a break.
Well, at least I can't sink any lower.
Come back, diaper!
Come back!
Hi, Ma.
And now to read from the Epistles of St. Paul...
Homer Simpson.
(clearing throat)
Dear Lord, in your infinite wisdom
you know the number to call when you need a plow
is Klondike 5-3226.
Homer, this is really low.
Not as low as my low, low prices.
(snaps fingers)
-(organ plays) -HOMER: Ooh! Ung! That's Mr. Plow--
Oh, I'm gonna lose my plow.
Dad, have you considered buying cheap commercial time
on channel 92?
Check it out.
Arrr!
90 "Sea Chanteys" on three compact discs.
♪ Blow the man down, mateys, blow the man down ♪
♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪
♪ In the navy, come on and join your fellow man ♪
Act now and get a bonus CD-- "Hornpipe Fever."
Arrr!
Hmm...
Almost time for our commercial.
Dad, who's watching TV at 3:17 a.m.?
Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners.
Look, there we are.
It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV.
Our driveway's snowed in.
ALL: Old man winter!
(laughing)
That's right.
I fill your driveways with ice and snow.
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing, that's what.
(grunting)
-Stop! -ALL: Mr. Plow!
Get out, you lousy... season.
All right, I'm going.
My head hurts. I have to lie down for a while.
Yay!
Hello. I'm Mr. Plow.
Are you tired of having your hands cut off
by snow blowers,
and the inevitable heart attacks
that come with shoveling snow?
BOTH: Uh-huh.
Then call Klondike 5-3226.
Call now and receive a free T-shirt.
He could still surprise you.
But I'm a real tightwad.
Can I afford this remarkable system?
Absolutely. My prices are so low
you'll think I've suffered brain damage.
You are fully bonded and licensed by the city,
aren't you, Mr. Plow?
Shut up, boy.
(growls)
So remember...
♪ Call Mr. Plow ♪
♪ That's my name ♪
♪ That name again is Mr. Plow ♪
HOMER: Well, John Q. Driveway has our number.
Now we play the waiting game.
Aw, the waiting game sucks.
Let's play Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Plow.
Now my store can remain open.
Let's do it.
We're not prisoners anymore.
We're free.
We can go anywhere we want.
I'm cold and frightened.
Mm...
Hm...
-Mm-- -(grunts)
I'm afraid classes may be cancelled today.
Look!
♪♪ (triumphant music)
We won't miss a minute of school
thanks to your father.
Say your prayers, plow boy.
Mr. Plow, for making it possible
for people to get where they're going
without resorting to public transportation or car pooling
I give you the key to the city.
MOE: Here you go, Mr. Plow--
a beer on the house.
Wow, Moe.
You didn't even give a beer to those freed Iranian hostages.
They shouldn't have been there in the first place,
but Homer is a real hero.
I wish I was a hero.
Well, wishing won't make it so.
You got to pull up your diaper, get out there
and be the best damn Barney you can be.
Here I come, world!
(screaming)
Whoa!
(clattering)
How do you think he'll do, Moe?
I think he'll do just fine.
I was wrong about you buying that truck.
I'm very proud of you...
Mr. Plow.
(giggling)
This might sound silly
but just for a change, would you mind...
Cutting my nails? Brushing my teeth?
No, no.
Could you wear the Mr. Plow jacket?
Just, uh, for fun.
Ohh...
♪ Call Mr. Plow ♪
♪ That's my name ♪
♪ That name again is Mr. Plow ♪
(alarm ringing)
Ah, white gold.
(gasps) What the--
Why, that--
Uh!
(horn honks)
Hiya, Homer.
Say hello to the Plow King.
Barney, you stole my idea.
Don't worry, Homer.
There's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition.
-(gunshots) -(air hissing)
(laughing loudly)
(moaning)
Well, well.
If it isn't Mr. Plow.
(grunting)
Hey, Plow King, save some for me.
Wow! Linda Ronstadt!
(grunting)
Linda Ronstadt? How did you get her?
We've been looking
for a project to do together for awhile.
♪♪ (Country)
♪ When the snow starts a-fallin' ♪
♪ There's a man you should be callin' ♪
♪ That's KL-5-4796 ♪
♪ Let it ring ♪
♪ Mr. Plow is a loser ♪
♪ And I think he is a boozer ♪
♪ So you better make that call ♪
♪ To the Plow King ♪
(belching)
How could you, Barney?
After all I've done for you.
"Lachrymose is to dyspeptic as ebullient is to..."
Effervescent.
All right!
-Harvard, here I come. -Psst!
Barney, my dad's asleep. Want a beer?
I dunno. The S.A.T.'s are tomorrow.
I've got two words for you:
Mellow out, man.
Hmm? Hmm?
All right, just one
if it'll get you off my back.
Hey! Where have-- (belches) you been all my life?
(groaning)
Thank you, Plow King leaving.
Flanders, I thought I was your plow man.
Homer, why don't you plow it again.
Forget it, pal.
I don't need your phoney-baloney job.
I'll take your money
but I'm not gonna plow your driveway.
Mr. West, you said there was a job for me.
There was, when I called you, 45 minutes ago.
So long, Superman.
Your secret identity is safe with me.
HOMER: Ring, damn you. Ring.
-(phone rings) -Mr. Plow.
That name again is Mr. Plow.
MAN: Hello. I'm calling from delinquent accounts
at Kumatsu Motors.
Oh, you want the Mr. Plow who plows driveways.
This is Tony Plow, you know--
from "Leave It To Beaver."
Yeah, they were gay.
Oh, what am I gonna do?
I think you should do a new ad--
one that's fresh and original.
I know. I'll do a rap.
♪ Boom, che-che, boom, che-che, boom-che-boom ♪
♪ I'm Mr. Plow and I'm here to say ♪
♪ I'm the plowingest guy in the U.S.A. ♪
-(cat howls, Bart and Lisa complaining) -♪ I got a big plow ♪
♪ And I'll move a lot of things... ♪
-BART: Stop. Please. -♪ ...if you have one ♪
Stop it right now.
Promise you'll never do that again.
All right.
Mr. Simpson I guarantee you
we'll come up with a commercial that can save your business.
You know those radio ads where two people with
annoying voices yammer back and forth?
I invented those.
-(grunts) -Ow!
Happens all the time.
♪♪ (opera)
Dad, was that your commercial?
I don't know.
The torch has been passed
to a new generation of, uh...
snow plow people.
Come on, give me the key.
These look like teeth marks.
I thought there was chocolate inside.
Well, why was it wrapped in foil?
It was never wrapped in foil.
Hardest hit by the blizzard
is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak.
Our own Arnie Pie is on the scene.
Everything's snowed in. All I can see is white.
Arnie, please, the ski conditions.
Mayday! Mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain.
Tell my wife I love--
(chuckles) That's great, Arnie.
Hmm.
Hello, Plow King?
I was wondering if you could plow my driveway
on top of forbidding Widow's Peak.
I don't know. I'd be up there all day.
I wouldn't be able to plow any other driveways.
There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Oh, yeah? Which president's on it?
Uh, all of them. They're having a party.
Jimmy Carter's passed out on the couch.
Wow! I'll be right there.
Barney, I'd like to put
a Spanish version of your jingle
on my next album.
♪ Señor plow no es macho ♪
♪ Es solamente un boracho... ♪
Yeah, you do that.
Well, I guess you can plow my driveway
but I wonder what happened to the Plow King.
Oh, I guess he just doesn't respect his customers.
Oh, could you make sure not to scrape my asphalt?
Kiss my asphalt.
(chuckles) So I said, "Kiss my asphalt."
Hmm? Hmm?
Springfield's beloved Plow King
is trapped.
-(gasping) -Barney Gumble,
shown here donating $50,000
to the Shelbyville Dance Theater,
was caught in a sudden avalanche
on Widow's Peak earlier today.
It was captured on film by a camera crew
making the upcoming Fox special
"In Search of Bigfoot."
MAN: Hold it, Bob.
We can see your wristwatch.
Oh, damn it.
MAN: Hey, what's that?
(belches)
(rumbling)
(Barney screaming)
This is all my fault.
I've got to save him!
Homie, please, don't go.
Hey, this old girl
is as surefooted as a mountain goat.
(bleating)
(thudding and bleating)
(thudding)
(bleating and thudding)
(weak bleating)
D'oh!
Oh-ho!
(screams)
Easy...
easy.
(sighing with relief)
Ah, dying's not so bad.
I'll be reunited with my loved ones--
my dad, and that plant I never watered.
(rumbling)
Barney!
Homer, you saved my life
and I'm not gonna forget it.
From now on, we'll be partners.
Barney, that's great.
When two best friends work together
not even God himself can stop them.
GOD: Oh, no?
The snow's melted!
We can go outside again!
I don't like the looks of those teenagers.
Could this record breaking heat wave
be the result of the dreaded greenhouse effect?
Well, if 70 degree days in the middle of winter
are the price of car pollution,
you'll forgive me if I keep my old Pontiac.
(laughing)
-(phone rings) -Hello.
MAN: Hello. This is the Repo Depot.
I'm just calling to distract you
while we repossess your plow.
Oh, yeah how dumb do you think I--
Oh...
Oh, now, Homie, you have your health,
you have your best friend back,
and you do have
that certain special something.
You mean...
Mm-hmm.
♪ Mr. Plow, that's my name ♪
♪ That name again is Mr. Plow ♪
Our forecast calls for flurries of passion
followed by extended periods
of gettin' it on.
(Marge giggling)
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.