1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:05,755 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,056 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,893 (bell rings) 4 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,358 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,739 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 6 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,418 (jazzy solo) 7 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,255 (tires screech) 8 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,180 (tires screeching) 9 00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,809 (horn honks) 10 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,020 (tires screech) 11 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,565 D'oh! 12 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,776 -Aah! -(tires screech) 13 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:24,084 Resident, occupant. 14 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,044 Mmm. Free sample of Lemon Time. 15 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:27,170 Ooh, give it here. 16 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,797 (gulping) 17 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,840 Homer, that's dishwashing liquid. 18 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:34,844 Yeah, but what are you gonna do? 19 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,013 Ooh! They're having a retirement party 20 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,223 for someone at the plant! 21 00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:40,183 I wish I could retire. 22 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,519 Boy, that would be sweet. 23 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,064 FLANDERS: Howdy do, neighbor. 24 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:49,025 Good pipe weather. Thought I'd fire up the briar. 25 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,068 Can't talk. Busy. 26 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,237 Okley-dokley doo. 27 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,155 Did you notice how slanted he looked? 28 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,200 All part of God's great plan. 29 00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,291 I think one side of our house is sinking. 30 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,549 Ha ha! 31 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:16,094 "The Half-assed Approach to Foundation Repair." 32 00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:20,682 Hello, I'm Troy McClure. 33 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,642 You might remember me from such instructional videos 34 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,644 as "Mothballing Your Battleship" 35 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:27,230 and "Dig Your Own Grave and Save." 36 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,315 Now, over the next six hours, 37 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,694 I'll be taking you through the do's and do not do's 38 00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:33,862 of foundation repair. 39 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,573 -Ready? -Ready. 40 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,283 First, patch the cracks in the slab 41 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:41,119 using a latex patching compound and a patching trowel. 42 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:46,791 Hand me my patching trowel, boy. Hmm. 43 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,669 Now, do you have extruded poly-vinyl foam insulation? 44 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,713 -No. -Good. 45 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:54,340 Assemble the aluminum J-channel using self-furring screws. 46 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,301 -Install. -What do I-- 47 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,927 After applying brushable coating to the panels-- 48 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,512 -Wait a minute. -...you'll need some 49 00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,514 corrosion-resistant metal stucco lathe. 50 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,016 -Wait a minute! -If you can't find 51 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,517 -metal stucco lathe-- -Uh-huh. 52 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:07,103 ...use carbon fiber stucco lathe. 53 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,354 Ohh! 54 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,647 Now barge the lathe. 55 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,571 (glass breaking) 56 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:18,907 Did you see the bubble? 57 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,284 I'm afraid the whole west side of your house is sinking. 58 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,744 I figure it's gonna cost you-- 59 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:25,205 -Ooh, 8,500. -Forget it! 60 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,498 You're not the only foundation guy in town. 61 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,002 Let's see, foundation repair. 62 00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:33,129 Ah, here we are-- D'oh! 63 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,215 ...leaving the vice president in charge. 64 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,426 And now, Leaning Tower of Pisa, eat your heart out 65 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:40,261 and move over. 66 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,305 This is one story that's not on the level. 67 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:45,892 (all laughing) 68 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:49,312 Behold the horrors of the Slanty Shanty. 69 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,648 See the twisted creatures that dwell within. 70 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:55,151 Meet Cue Ball, the man with no hair. 71 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,195 Huh? (growling) 72 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:58,196 (gasping) 73 00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,614 He's hideous! 74 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:05,203 -We have to do something. -(lamp shatters) 75 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:07,789 Marge, it will cost $8,500. 76 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:11,668 We only have 500 in the bank, and that leaves... 77 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:12,752 80 hundred we need. 78 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:13,920 I could get a job. 79 00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:15,255 Hey... 80 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:17,382 then I could follow my dream: 81 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,176 living in the woods and keeping a journal of my thoughts. 82 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:25,682 March 15-- I wish I brought a TV. 83 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:28,518 Oh, God, how I miss TV. 84 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:29,519 (chittering) 85 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,022 I think you have to keep your job, too. 86 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,107 Aw! 87 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,988 It was the most beautiful, 88 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,240 most expensive train ever built. 89 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:43,992 The Spruce Caboose. 90 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:47,412 Some people said it was too big to stay on the tracks. 91 00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:48,997 Heh heh, they were right. 92 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,457 We're here for the retirement party. 93 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:52,917 Follow the headless brakeman. 94 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,877 Power plant retirement party. 95 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,088 -Ow! Right this way. -(glass shatters) 96 00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,589 Ow! 97 00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,841 (clearing throat) 98 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,759 Ahem. 99 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,012 Tonight, we've all come to honor 100 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,264 a close friend of ours. 101 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,099 Boring. 102 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,393 A man who provided the Burns Corporation 103 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,478 with 45 years of faithful service-- 104 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,105 Mr. Jack Marley. 105 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,106 Boring. 106 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,899 (angry muttering) 107 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,276 Mr. Burns, if you don't mind, 108 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,736 I've prepared a little musical number 109 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,280 for Jack's special night. 110 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,949 ♪♪ 111 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,951 ♪ There is a man ♪ ♪ There is a man ♪ 112 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,619 -♪ A certain man ♪ -♪ A certain man ♪ 113 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,288 ♪ A man whose grace and handsome face ♪ 114 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:32,206 ♪ Are known across the land ♪ 115 00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,208 -♪ You know his name ♪ -♪ You know his name ♪ 116 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,626 -♪ It's Mr. Burns ♪ -♪ It's Mr. Burns ♪ 117 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:36,878 ♪ He loves a smoke ♪ 118 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,963 ♪ Enjoys a joke ♪ 119 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,050 ♪ Why, he's worth ten times what he earns ♪ 120 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,926 -♪ He's Mr. Burns ♪ -I'm Mr. Burns. 121 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,887 -He's Monty Burns. -I'm Mr. Burns. 122 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,680 ♪ To friends, he's known as Monty ♪ 123 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:51,434 ♪ But to you, it's Mr. Burns ♪ 124 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,935 ♪ Bur-bur-bur-bur-burns ♪ 125 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,312 Burns! 126 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,189 You mind if I say a few words? 127 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,899 (mockingly) Oh, me, me, me. 128 00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,317 I need all the attention 129 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,277 just because it's my party, eh? 130 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,737 (dismissive grunt) 131 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,489 Please don't make me retire. 132 00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,741 My job is the only thing that keeps me alive. 133 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:09,285 I never married, and my dog is dead. 134 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,287 ♪♪ ("For He's a Jolly Good Fellow") 135 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,372 I'm not finished! 136 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,414 Oh, yes, you are. 137 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,838 -(screams) -(crashing) 138 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,965 With the departure of Mr. Marley, 139 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,759 there will now be an entry-level position 140 00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:26,469 open in sector 7-G. 141 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,137 Now get out. The bar is closed. 142 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,889 (all moan) 143 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,725 MARGE: Maybe I should apply for that job. 144 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:33,935 Forget it, Marge. 145 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,561 We already live together. 146 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:36,562 We shouldn't work together. 147 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:38,356 As the bible says, 148 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:41,359 "Thou shalt not horn in on thy husband's racket." 149 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,486 Where does the bible say racket? 150 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,780 It's in there. 151 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,116 Look, Marge we just don't need the money that bad. 152 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,872 Wahh! (grunts) 153 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,676 Well, Lisa, I finished my resumé. 154 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:12,348 Uh, I think it needs a little padding. 155 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,145 What are you putting in there? 156 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,146 Bup, bup, bup. 157 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,606 When I'm done. 158 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:25,486 Chauffeur, seamstress. 159 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,405 Curator of large mammals? 160 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:30,575 Marge, have you seen my lunch box? 161 00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:32,994 -Oh, I see. -(chuckles) 162 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:35,663 Mom, they expect you to lie a little. 163 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,957 Worked for the Carter Administration? 164 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,001 Well, you voted for him twice. 165 00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:42,128 Lisa, shh. Someone might be listening. 166 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,504 Mm-hmm. 167 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,173 Uh-huh. 168 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,966 Oh, I thought Muddy Waters wrote that song. 169 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:50,761 -(groans) -This resume is very impressive. 170 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,181 Let me be the first to say kabebu kazini. 171 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,476 -What? -Welcome aboard. 172 00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,227 I guess my Swahili is not as good as yours. 173 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,645 (chuckling) 174 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:00,897 Yeah, hmm. 175 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,523 Sorry. 176 00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:03,774 The position has been filled. 177 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,318 (grumbling) 178 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:06,861 Oh, dear. 179 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,489 Marge, you're making a big mistake. 180 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:12,283 I'm gonna see you all day at work and all night at home... 181 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,785 -(groans) -And that's good. 182 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:16,829 But here's the bad part: 183 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,623 Uh, uh... 184 00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:21,292 Ooh, look at that headline. 185 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,002 "Canada to hold referendum." 186 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,045 Sorry, Marge, can't talk now. 187 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:25,505 We need the money. 188 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,298 And my life is pretty boring. 189 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:30,301 Last week, some Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door, 190 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:31,969 and I wouldn't let them leave. 191 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,554 They snuck away when I went in the kitchen 192 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,014 to get more lemonade. 193 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,724 Yeah, lemonade is good. 194 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,267 I think it's wonderful. 195 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,604 Mom and Dad, side-by-side at the power plant. 196 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,689 You'll be just like Marie and Pierre Curie. 197 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,526 -What did they do? -They discovered radium. 198 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,237 Then they both died of radiation poisoning. 199 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,446 Hmm. 200 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,492 (roaring) 201 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,703 (screaming) 202 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,997 It's the Curies. We must flee. 203 00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,833 (roaring) 204 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,048 Cool! 205 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,591 Now, Marge, just remember. 206 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,510 If something goes wrong at the plant, 207 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,845 blame the guy who can't speak English. 208 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:19,308 Ah, Tibor, how many times have you saved my butt? 209 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,394 (chuckles) 210 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,646 Maggie, your baby-sitter's here. 211 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,357 What's that mean? 212 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,650 Whoa! 213 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,152 You must be sick. Let's see. 214 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,154 What's old Doc Washburn prescribe? 215 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,739 Do you have dropsy? 216 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,575 The grippe? Scopula? 217 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:36,993 The vapors? Jungle rot? 218 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,495 Shanty fever? Poor man's gout? 219 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:43,499 Housemaid's knee? Climactic bouba? 220 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,626 The staggers? Dum-dum fever? 221 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,588 And this is your office. 222 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,965 That idiot Tibor lost the key, 223 00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,759 but you can jimmy it open with a credit card. 224 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,219 (computer whirring) 225 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,596 Well, have fun. 226 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,431 -What do I do? -(chuckles) 227 00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:01,350 Marge, please, according to your resumé 228 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,561 you invented this machine. 229 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,438 (electronic humming) 230 00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,400 (explosion, men shouting) 231 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,739 Put away your books, children. 232 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,490 It's time for your English test. 233 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,159 (moaning) 234 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:22,204 Sick on test day. 235 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,540 Why? Why? 236 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,168 Bart have you read The Boy Who Cried Wolf? 237 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,794 I'm halfway through it. 238 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,964 I swear. (groaning) 239 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,551 -(door slams) -(scoffs) 240 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,638 Marge, what are you doing? 241 00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:39,930 It's lunch time. 242 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,599 I'll just be a minute. 243 00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:43,434 I have to finish this paperwork. 244 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,227 Marge, Marge, Marge. 245 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,980 Let's file this under "R" for arrivederci. 246 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,401 But where does it go? 247 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,695 Don't worry, baby. The tube will know what to do. 248 00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:16,801 Good news, boy. 249 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:18,844 I found a pharmacy that carries leeches. 250 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,721 Well, it wasn't exactly a pharmacy. 251 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,223 More of a bait shop. 252 00:11:22,306 --> 00:11:24,058 Look, Grampa, I'm fine. 253 00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,393 I really don't need any more home remedies. 254 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,853 Oral thermometer, my eye! 255 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:32,233 Think warm thoughts, boy, 'cause this is mighty cold. 256 00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,360 (Bart screams) 257 00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:38,280 ♪♪ ("Imperial March" playing) 258 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,699 Jackanapes. 259 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,784 Lollygaggers. 260 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,453 Noodle heads. 261 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,123 Enchantress. 262 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,458 That woman, she's so captivating. 263 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,002 Smithers, my heart's pounding like a jackhammer. 264 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:57,633 I must have her. 265 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,801 Smithers, zoom in. 266 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,594 Closer, closer. 267 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,388 Closer, damn it! 268 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:03,764 Ow! 269 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:04,890 Too close. 270 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,855 ♪♪ (humming tune) 271 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,398 -Hello. -Mr. Burns! 272 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,316 Oh, no need for alarm. 273 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,110 I just came to give you the orchids 274 00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:17,528 and fragrant bath oils 275 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:18,863 I lavish upon all my employees. 276 00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:22,241 Oh, aren't you nice. 277 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:25,703 This makes me wonder why morale here is so low. 278 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,329 (sobbing) 279 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,711 I am the angel of death. 280 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,588 The time of purification is at hand. 281 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,131 Oh, who cares? 282 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,758 Marge, what can we do? 283 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,343 Well, you could give them healthier snacks. 284 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,928 Theme days. 285 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,306 You mean like Child Labor Day? 286 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:48,350 Mm, actually I was thinking of Funny Hat Day. 287 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,268 Oh. 288 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:51,729 Ooh, and how about piping in some Tom Jones music? 289 00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,689 That always cheers me up. 290 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,275 ♪ What's new, pussy cat? ♪ 291 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,319 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 292 00:12:58,402 --> 00:12:59,862 ♪ What's new, pussy cat? ♪ 293 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:03,908 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 294 00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,576 It's working. 295 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:06,994 -It's working! -(gun cocks) 296 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,996 And the healthy snacks are on their way. 297 00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,831 You can't take our doughnuts! 298 00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:15,002 Yah! 299 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,713 All right, anyone else want to be a hero? 300 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,715 Ooh. 301 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,635 Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office 302 00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:25,054 right next to mine. (laughing) 303 00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,515 But, sir, that's my office. 304 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,016 Don't worry, Smithers. 305 00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,935 I'm putting you where the action is. 306 00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:34,939 Springtime fresh. 307 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,232 Winter white. 308 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:37,858 What could be better? 309 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,318 Oh, man, I really gotta-- 310 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:42,446 No! 311 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,573 So, Bart, how are you feeling? 312 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,158 Can't complain. 313 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,369 Well, then you're ready for your make-up test. 314 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:51,205 Ohh! My ovaries. 315 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,836 Ha ha ha, suckers. 316 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,338 Have you ever read The Boy Who Cried Wolf? 317 00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,798 I glanced at it. 318 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,967 Boy cries wolf, has a few laughs. 319 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:04,051 I forget how it ends. 320 00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,219 (stammering) 321 00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,471 Bart, is that light green? 322 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,974 -Yeah. -It better be. 323 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,226 -Hey! -Oh... 324 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,061 Homie, what's wrong? 325 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,814 I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me-- 326 00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:20,150 friends, co-workers, Tibor. 327 00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,486 I never thought it would be my own wife. 328 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,155 Well, maybe you'd get promoted if you worked a little harder. 329 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,908 Are you kidding? I work like a Japanese beaver. 330 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,494 Oh, really? I came to see you three times today. 331 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,663 Twice, you were sleeping, and once, 332 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,790 you were kicking that ball of electrical tape around. 333 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,251 Well, I won't sleep in the same bed 334 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:39,169 with a woman who thinks I'm lazy. 335 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,256 I'm gonna go right downstairs, unfold the couch, 336 00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:44,258 unroll the sleeping ba-- 337 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,176 Ah, good night. 338 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,847 (snoring) 339 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,267 (sighs) 340 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:56,395 I dreamed about her again last night, Smithers. 341 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:57,730 You know that dream where you're in bed 342 00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,107 and they fly in through the window? 343 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,239 Ahh. 344 00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:11,660 You've been reading my wish book, sir. 345 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,454 Yes, well, Smithers, 346 00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:15,956 I want you to arrange a party for two at my estate. 347 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,417 Marge, me, and do you think 348 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,919 you could you dig up Al Jolson? 349 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,963 Ah, do you remember we did that once before? 350 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,548 Oh, that's right, he's dead... 351 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,342 and rather pungent. 352 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,469 The rest of that night is something I'd like to forget. 353 00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:31,805 All right then, bring me that crooner she likes so much-- 354 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,140 Tom Jones. 355 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:36,060 ♪♪ (country music playing) 356 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:39,229 These spurs are killing me. 357 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,065 Hey, sit on it. 358 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,859 Buddy, '50s Day is next Wednesday. 359 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,278 I got to go home and change. 360 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,530 (motorcycle revving) 361 00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,410 Here's your money. 362 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,496 Well, you know, the problem here was water leakage. 363 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,331 If you just buy a 50-cent washer-- 364 00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,291 I've got a better idea. 365 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,001 -Get the hell out! -(chuckles) 366 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,711 Look, I got some washers in my truck. 367 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,589 -I'll give you one. -Marge, get my gun. 368 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,051 ♪♪ 369 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,972 (women screaming) 370 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,974 -Tom Jones? -Yes? 371 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,433 I was wondering if you'd be interested 372 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,185 in performing at a private party? 373 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,396 Sorry, mate, I don't do private parties. 374 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:23,482 Well, then, perhaps you should look in this suitcase. 375 00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,275 All right, but I don't see-- 376 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,403 (coughing) 377 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,990 Pleasant dreams, Mr. Jones. 378 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:34,576 Bart, to avoid this test, you've had smallpox, the bends, 379 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,329 and that unfortunate bout of rabies. 380 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:38,580 I'm not sure I'm over it. 381 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,000 (clicking) Shove it, witch. 382 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,043 (barking) 383 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,586 No more excuses. 384 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,756 (muttering and barking) 385 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:53,470 Her claws are really digging into my skull. 386 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,556 She can crush clams with them. 387 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,599 Get it off, get it off, get it off! 388 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,977 Here we have an Alaskan timber wolf. 389 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,645 He weighs 240 pounds, 390 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,522 and his jaws can bite through a parking meter. 391 00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,524 He does get spooked by loud noises. 392 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:09,278 Loud? That's our secret word for the day! 393 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:12,197 (beeping, whirring, and ringing) 394 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,366 (children cheering) 395 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,288 (snarling) 396 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,707 (all screaming) 397 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:23,751 -Oh, my God! -Baaah! 398 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,669 She must think you're after her eggs! 399 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:26,962 I only ate one. 400 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:30,924 (growling) 401 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,760 Nice doggie. 402 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:37,806 (snarling) 403 00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,852 Ivanhoe is the story of a Russian farmer 404 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,020 and his tool. 405 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,772 (growling) 406 00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:48,192 Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! 407 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,903 I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that. 408 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,030 -(growling) -(screaming) 409 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,574 -Sorry, no sale. -(glass shatters) 410 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,577 You're wasting valuable test time. 411 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,081 (squeaking) 412 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,333 Mr. Burns, you wanted to see me? 413 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:08,504 Uh, actually, I was wondering if you were free 414 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,464 for a little get-together tonight. 415 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:13,092 Dinner, dancing, and... 416 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,469 Mr. Tom Jones. 417 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:21,016 -Hello, Marge. -That's it, big smile, everybody's happy. 418 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,519 Oh, my goodness! 419 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,895 (thud, grunts) 420 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:27,397 My husband will be so excited. 421 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,650 You have a husband? 422 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:32,611 Yes, I can picture him now. 423 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,113 Rugged good looks. 424 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,240 Sweater knotted about his shoulders. 425 00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:39,993 Curly locks shining in the sun like spun gold. 426 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,707 Homer, Mr. Burns gave me another raise today. 427 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,085 (laughing) The senile old fool. 428 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,045 (laughing) 429 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,922 You're fired! 430 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,716 You can't fire me just because I'm married. 431 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,718 I'm going to sue the pants off you. 432 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,929 You don't have to sue me to get my pants off. 433 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,222 (lusty growl) 434 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,015 Mmm. 435 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,725 (growling) 436 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,311 Wah! 437 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,938 Uhh! 438 00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,857 GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE: Hey, wolfie. 439 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,483 Put down that hors d'oeuvre. 440 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,528 It's time for the main course. 441 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,116 Aaah! 442 00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:21,326 Gah! Get up! 443 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,703 Back to class, lad. 444 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,204 Nothing to see here. 445 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,873 (grunting) 446 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,089 Here's my test. 447 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,008 Bart, I'm not even going to grade this 448 00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,718 until you tell me the truth about what happened out there. 449 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,345 The truth is... 450 00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,185 There was no wolf. 451 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,936 I faked the whole thing. 452 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,813 I'm just gonna lie on the floor now. 453 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,356 Please don't let me swallow my tongue. 454 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,108 (thud) 455 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,737 There, doesn't it feel better to tell the truth? 456 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:00,490 Oh, dear. 457 00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,118 All right now, boy. 458 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,870 We've got to rub some garlic on you 459 00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,163 before the next full moon. 460 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,581 (gulping) 461 00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:09,708 Don't feel bad for losing. 462 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,585 I was wrestling wolves 463 00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:14,463 back when you were at your mother's teat. 464 00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:20,010 Why, Marge, look at all those flies 465 00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:21,345 buzzing around your head. 466 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,430 You're a mess, woman. 467 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,475 (laughing maniacally) 468 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,770 So, do you think I have a case? 469 00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,647 Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. 470 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,942 Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need 471 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,860 to rebuild my shattered practice. 472 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:38,946 Care to join me in a belt of scotch? 473 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,323 It's 9:30 in the morning. 474 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:43,158 Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. 475 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,703 Last chance. 476 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:51,124 Oh, yeah. 477 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:53,460 Mr. Burns, we've got witnesses, precedent, 478 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,254 and a paper trail a mile long. 479 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:58,423 Yes, well, I have ten high-priced lawyers. 480 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:04,096 (screaming) 481 00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,306 He left his briefcase. 482 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,934 Hey, it's full of shredded newspapers. 483 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,395 Well, I guess that's it. 484 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:13,772 People like us can't afford justice. 485 00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,274 Come on, Homie. 486 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,317 Let's go before he fires you, too. 487 00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,152 No! Mr. Burns, 488 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,405 I'm not leaving until you say you're sorry 489 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:22,781 for what you did to my wife. 490 00:21:22,864 --> 00:21:25,284 You love her, too? 491 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:26,702 Damn right. 492 00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:28,578 Homer, I want you to show this woman 493 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,790 -the time of her life. -Gotcha. Marge, 494 00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,001 we're getting some drive-thru, then we're doing it twice. 495 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,794 No, no, no. 496 00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:38,588 I've got something even more special in mind. 497 00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:40,507 ♪ It's not unusual ♪ 498 00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:42,259 ♪ To be loved by anyone ♪ 499 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,304 ♪ It's not unusual ♪ 500 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,306 ♪ To have fun with anyone ♪ 501 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,849 -(kissing noises) -Ooh! 502 00:21:48,932 --> 00:21:50,934 -(giggling) -Get help, love. 503 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:52,352 Call Interpol. 504 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,729 Get me a hacksaw, anything. 505 00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:55,605 ♪ It's not unusual ♪ 506 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:57,649 ♪ It happens every day ♪ 507 00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:00,694 ♪ No matter what you say ♪ 508 00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:05,282 ♪ You'll find it happens all the time ♪ 509 00:22:05,365 --> 00:22:07,701 ♪ And love will never do ♪ 510 00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:10,871 ♪ What you want it to ♪ 511 00:22:10,954 --> 00:22:17,836 ♪ Why can't this crazy love be mine? ♪ 512 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,098 ♪ It's not unusual ♪ 513 00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:33,560 ♪ To be mad with anyone ♪ 514 00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:35,145 ♪ It's not unusual ♪ 515 00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:38,774 ♪ To be sad with anyone ♪ 516 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:40,484 ♪ But if I ever find that ♪ 517 00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:43,695 ♪ You've changed at any time ♪ 518 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:45,697 ♪ It's not unusual to find ♪ 519 00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:48,116 ♪ That I'm in love with you ♪ 520 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:52,871 ♪ Whoa-whoa, oh-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-whoa, whoa-oh ♪ 521 00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:54,456 Shh! 522 00:22:57,709 --> 00:23:00,962 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.