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辛普森一家
2
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:07,882
欢迎莅临春田核电厂
3
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:18,643
我不会诽谤新奥尔良
4
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,901
注意安全
5
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,862
《妈妈杂志》 小丑库斯提麦片
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00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:28,088
又是子宫里美好的一天
7
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:41,976
放开我…
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我光溜溜又湿答答
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-起床霍默 该上教堂了
-人家不想去
10
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,527
-你一定要上教堂
-外头太冷了
11
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我厌倦了星期天之争 穿衣服
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00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:00,995
讨厌的痒痒教堂裤
13
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:07,877
-单一尺寸 谁都能穿个头 见鬼吧
-快点 我们要迟到了
14
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算了 我不去了
15
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-嘿 霍默呢
-你爸在…休息
16
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宿醉式休息？
还是被炒鱿鱼式休息 帮我一下
17
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我只是个烤透了的肉桂卷
永不想下床
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得去尿一下 想啊…
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想啊…
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最好快起来
21
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:52,964
门开开尿尿 我喜欢
22
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:59,637
为什么…蒂莉拉
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00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,890
冷笑话收音机
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00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:06,603
KBBL电台气温零下11度
希望你们身在暖和处
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00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:07,937
当然 可爱的…
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小屁蛋
27
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,157
-壁炉好像不能用了
-是 怎么回事
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但忘了吧
让心思专注于耶利米哀歌
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长版的
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“我们心中的快乐止息
跳舞变为悲哀”
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我穿着小裤裤
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这是个完美时机
来特制我专利发明的太空时代…
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好棒棒月球松饼
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我看看
35
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焦糖 松饼糊 烟熏液
36
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,080
满出来的松饼
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肥滋滋
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他被抛进地狱的火热大锅里
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灼热 滚烫的热熔硫磺
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我身历其境
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00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,360
来 乖狗狗
42
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好了…
43
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,746
主日学结束了 平静离去吧
44
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:57,255
门被冻住了 这是唯一出口
45
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,425
我们的天父啊
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00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,802
莉萨 时间地点都不合适
47
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:04,512
我们刚听了强尼·卡尔霍恩…
48
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,806
唱的“要给自己找个比基尼精灵”
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00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,350
当然 后来 强尼下一张专辑
50
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,685
是他发表右翼政治观点的口语唱片
51
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:11,978
算是扼杀了他的演唱生涯
52
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,856
知道那张专辑名
快打来我们的参赛专线
53
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:15,982
我知道
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强尼·卡尔霍恩 《我的信仰》
55
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:26,159
-喂 我是霍默·辛普森
-霍默 说出专辑名好吗
56
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《我的信仰》
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算他答对了吗
58
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:37,420
门解封得如何了 威利
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00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,505
神迹是归你管的 牧师
60
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,426
一边等候
一边听我念《星期日报》如何
61
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:48,348
牌桌拍卖 桌面严重毁损
少一根脚 其他状况良好
62
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,433
一块钱起标
63
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:53,853
你们一定是我派人叫来的整脊师
64
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开始整我的脊椎吧
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00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,649
老莫 我们不懂什么整脊的
66
00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:01,319
听小姐的话就对了
抓起她的脊椎 弄得嗄嗄作响
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老莫是他们老大
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00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,907
-可恶
-嘿
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00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:14,374
拜托…基督徒 不要推挤
70
00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:18,211
抱歉 不好意思 借过
你好吗 帽子很漂亮 宝贝
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快啊 电视 快给我嗨到爽啊
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各位 来定义名词吧
我们在探讨的是重新划分选区
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00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,929
还是议席重新分配
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哦 不可能好运连连啦
75
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,349
《政治大论战》
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00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:34,310
我们要中断公共事务节目
插播橄榄球赛
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耶
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00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:49,158
踩一下油门 不对…太用力了
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-知道我认为怎样有用吗
-怎样有用
80
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,704
当我没说
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00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:59,627
98码的三重假传后
比数追平到63比63
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00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,255
今天赛事看得我们眼花瞭乱
83
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,465
接吻强盗梦嘉那到访三回
84
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,551
吉姆·布朗的惊世回归
85
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,472
那是我想的那个吗
86
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,314
我捡到一分钱
87
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,818
我人生中还有哪天比今天美好吗
88
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:30,283
啤酒
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00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,869
看来我们有个新冠军了
90
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,957
亲爱的家人们 教堂还好吗
91
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,964
我就不一样了
我度过人生中最美好的一天
92
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,716
全要感谢不去教堂
93
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,968
你不该说这种鬼话
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孩子们 你们父亲不是说真的
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说假的才怪
玛琦 我永远不上教堂了
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霍默 你真要放弃信仰？
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没啦…
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哦 对啦
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00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:12,074
你居然要放弃上教堂 霍默
100
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,953
每周日都去某幢建筑物里
有何大不了
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00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,331
-上帝不是无所不在吗
-阿门 弟兄
102
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全能的上帝
没更重要的事要操心吗
103
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,462
难道他会在意某个小男人
这星期没花一小时上教堂
104
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,005
说得好 爹地
105
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,757
万一我们选错信仰呢
106
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,301
每星期只会更加惹恼上帝
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忏悔啦
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上帝 我老公并不完美
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但他是个正直好人
110
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请让他明白他误入歧途
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00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,733
-玛琦 上床来
-不要 霍默
112
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他无意亵渎 上帝
他只是爱在星期天睡懒觉
113
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玛琦 上床来…
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上帝 他不是坏人
真的 他只是有时候…
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越痛越舒服哦
116
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他没有恶意
117
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,504
我等不及…
118
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啊哦
119
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上帝？
120
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你不上我的教堂了
121
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,827
-算是吧 但…
-但什么
122
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:42,290
我不是坏人 认真工作爱小孩
123
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:46,168
为何要每周日去听怎么下地狱
124
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你说得有理
125
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:55,219
有时连我也宁愿看橄榄球赛
126
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:58,306
-圣路易还有球队吗
-没了 搬去凤凰城了
127
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对喔
128
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:03,728
知道我最讨厌教堂的什么吗
无聊的布道
129
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,480
我不能同意更多了
130
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:09,233
那个勒芙乔牧师真令我不爽
131
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,279
-我给他个口疮好了
-帮我给他一个
132
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,614
我会的
133
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,783
我想我应该试着好好生活
134
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,660
用自己的方式信奉你
135
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,829
霍默 一言为定
136
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:25,416
失陪了 我得现身在墨西哥薄饼上了
137
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,887
-爸 问个问题好吗
-问 宝贝
138
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,473
你为什么要献身给亵渎上帝
139
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:44,393
放心 宝贝 万一我错了
临死前放弃就好
140
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:50,399
动物朋友们 愿你们平安喜乐
141
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,445
求你们了 饶了我五分钟好吗
142
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,030
勒芙乔牧师
143
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:59,116
我请你来家里吃饭另有动机
144
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,744
-什么
-不是什么坏事
145
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,079
我只是担忧
146
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:06,040
因为我老公最近都没去听你布道
147
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,542
我不确定自己在做对的事
148
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,504
后来上帝亲自跟我说
我应另辟新径
149
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,589
-真的？
-对啊
150
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,550
他现身在我梦里
我就知道那很特别
151
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,386
因为我平常只会梦到裸体…
152
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,346
玛琦
153
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:23,724
霍默 你见过老大哥了 他帅不帅
154
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:27,311
完美洁牙 笑容可掬 人超好的
155
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:30,731
霍默 你疯了
跟他说这太疯狂了
156
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,485
霍默 我要你想想
马太福音7章26节
157
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,239
好比一个无知的人
把房子盖在沙土上
158
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,408
那你要记起…
159
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:44,537
马太福音21章17节？
160
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:49,250
于是离开他们 出城到伯大尼去
在那里住宿？
161
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,586
对 好好想想
162
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:57,049
喂 公司 我是霍默·辛普森
我明天不进公司了
163
00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:58,509
宗教节日
164
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,261
什么节…
165
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,848
-最大容量节
-你真能编
166
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:08,269
你应加入我的宗教 老莫
非常好 没地狱 不必跪祷…
167
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:12,314
抱歉 霍默 我生为弄蛇人
死为弄蛇鬼
168
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,445
芳邻 我听说你的异端行为了
169
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:20,990
我们的使命是把你赢回来
170
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,200
-谢绝推销
-霍默 基督徒生活…
171
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,244
不全是祷告和奉献
172
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:26,704
嘿 听了
173
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,875
上帝对诺亚说 会有大洪灾
174
00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,796
下大雨了
175
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,174
开始泥泞不堪
176
00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:46,724
把动物们弄上方舟
177
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:50,186
-不要烦我
-爸 异教徒跑了
178
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,604
我看到了 儿子
179
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,246
春田港
180
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:25,387
-我们要去哪
-垃圾岛
181
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,517
《猫鼠大战》 “抢我上月球”
182
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:30,518
登陆月球在今日
183
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,429
走了 孩子们
184
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,139
为何我们非得上教堂
185
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,600
爸却能待在家里看卡通
186
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,605
我有责任好好养育孩子们
187
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,400
除非你变好
不然我只能说他们的爸是…
188
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:21,443
邪恶的
189
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:25,364
孩子们 我跟你们说
另一个所谓“邪恶的”事
190
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,868
他一头长发 创意十足
191
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:32,037
不常做其他人认为对的事
192
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,623
那个人名叫…
193
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,669
我忘了 但重点是…
194
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,088
我也忘了
195
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:44,258
玛琦 你知道我在讲谁
他曾开着那台蓝车
196
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:46,260
孩子们 出去等我们好吗
197
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,972
霍默 拜托别逼我
198
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:52,933
只能老公和上帝中间择其一
因为你赢不了的
199
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:57,062
你又来了 老是支持别人
200
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:00,441
法兰德斯 自来水厂 上帝…
201
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:03,736
我再问你最后一次
202
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,488
你确定不跟我们上教堂
203
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,657
接下来播出《手作梯子》
204
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,075
超确定
205
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:14,288
春田第一教堂
今日主题“当霍默遇见撒旦”
206
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:17,249
朋友们 恶魔就在我们之中
207
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:20,836
我抓到他了
208
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,505
不要看那长柄叉和尖尾
209
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,467
当今恶魔会以诱人外型出现
210
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,135
取悦大家
211
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,512
《花花男子》
212
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,723
洛恩·迈克尔斯专访
213
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,267
等等 难看
214
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,227
这还差不多
215
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,564
“我们厚脸皮字典定义的I.U.D.”
216
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,067
“体内涌爱”
217
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,528
看不懂
218
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:51,742
你好 我在为犹太小丑弟兄会募款
219
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:56,413
去年龙卷风夺走了
75位犹太小丑的性命
220
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,874
最惨风灾发生在聚会之际
221
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,125
就在德州勒波克
222
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,504
到处都漂着大头鞋和彩虹假发
223
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,423
太悲惨了
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00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:09,843
等等 这和宗教有关吗
225
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,763
-信仰宗教的小丑 对
-抱歉
226
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:13,931
上帝保佑你…
227
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:17,434
记住安息日 保持圣洁
228
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,019
一箱达夫啤酒
229
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,355
阿普 我看你没去上教堂
230
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,857
但我有信仰 我拜象神的
231
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,610
普世智慧之神 神龛在员工休息室
232
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:30,739
-象神兄 要吃花生吗
-拜托别供奉花生给我的神
233
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,409
无意冒犯 阿普 但他们在传教时
234
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,077
你一定去尿尿了吧
235
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:38,872
辛普森先生 付钱出去 以后再来
236
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:42,042
骄傲在败坏以先
237
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:46,672
天啊 众人皆笨我独聪
238
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:10,070
玛琦 关掉暖气 舒服多了
239
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,057
失火了 怎么办
240
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,643
那首倡导歌…
241
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:45,439
火在烧 你要学会…
242
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:49,735
什么有的没的 就能化险为夷
243
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,242
老辛普森家失火了
244
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,370
消防队长
245
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:02,122
偷东西会身败名裂
246
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,458
我们不会的
247
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,213
小贾姆舍德 店交给你了
248
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,048
我等这天等好久了
249
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:17,805
春田义务消防队
250
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,400
你们鸭鸭在考验我的耐性哦
251
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:32,778
但你们好萌哦
252
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,782
霍默…
253
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,376
惨了
254
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,473
亲爱的上帝 愿你的爱之手
255
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,976
引导霍默飞上床垫 平安无恙
256
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:11,108
好人做到底
257
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,664
法兰德斯 你救了我 为什么
258
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,917
嘿 你也会对我做同样的事
259
00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:32,462
救命…
260
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,884
没错 老友
261
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,636
-爸
-霍默 你没事吧
262
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:44,474
我们的杂志和小强屋没了 全没了
263
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,646
我救了你们的猫
264
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,107
好痛
265
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,819
喂 斧头能干嘛
266
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,614
-不知道 砍东西
-懂了
267
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:03,160
砍得好
268
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,205
真的 这是上帝之作
269
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:09,625
等一下
270
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:13,295
法兰德斯是教堂常客
上帝却没救他家
271
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,132
可恶
272
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,258
全灾保险
273
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:19,760
家中有任何财物吗
274
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:24,139
毕加索名画 我搜藏的经典名车
275
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:25,265
抱歉
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00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,976
公司只理赔真实灾损 想象的不赔
277
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:29,770
哦 气死我了
278
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:30,854
V6新闻台
279
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,606
消防队的世代仇敌
280
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:36,401
-贪得无厌 无悔意 火灭不了
-嘿 火灭了
281
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,446
接下来播出
282
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:43,033
“哪种好用 弹簧衣夹或其他”
283
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,457
我感觉这是宝贵的一课
284
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,042
没错 教训就是…
285
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,127
不要剧透 我会顿悟的
286
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,965
我知道了 上帝最记仇了
287
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:02,469
恶毒神 显灵看看谁该死
他们就会去死
288
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:05,055
霍默 上帝没放火烧你家
289
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:08,767
对 但他在感化你的亲朋好友们
290
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:12,896
他们来救你时
不分基督徒 犹太人或…
291
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:16,650
-杂教徒
-印度教徒 我们有七亿人哦
292
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,945
-好棒啊
-我对你们每个人失礼了
293
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:24,032
你们本可以让我烧成焦炭 却救了我
294
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,493
焦得像我出名的松饼
295
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,289
霍默 好高兴听你这么说
296
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:33,041
要再试试上教堂吗
297
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,378
我下星期天会去坐在第一排中间的
298
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,763
别难过 霍默
299
00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:49,891
十之八九的信徒
信教第一年都失败了
300
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,103
你输了 罕醉克斯
301
00:21:54,354 --> 00:21:56,481
上帝 问你个事
302
00:21:56,690 --> 00:22:00,402
-生命的意义是什么
-霍默 我不能跟你说
303
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:03,947
-拜托嘛
-你挂掉那刻就会顿悟
304
00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:07,743
-我等不了那么久
-你连半年都等不了？
305
00:22:08,076 --> 00:22:09,619
对 现在说
306
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:12,080
哦…好吧
307
00:22:12,622 --> 00:22:14,708
生命的意义是…
308
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:05,425
字幕翻译：侯敏生