1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:05,714 (clearing throat) Hello, everyone. 2 00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,591 Before last year's Halloween show 3 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:11,261 I warned you not to let your children watch, 4 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,762 but you did anyway. 5 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,557 Well, this year's episode is even worse. 6 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,308 It's scarier, more violent, 7 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:20,729 and I think they snuck in some bad language too. 8 00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:24,315 So please, tuck in your children and-- 9 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,859 (groans) 10 00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,986 Well, if you didn't listen to me last time 11 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:30,238 you're not going to now. 12 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,073 Enjoy the show. 13 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,452 (thunder crashes) 14 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,537 ♪♪ 15 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,918 (wolf howl) 16 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,548 (evil laughter) 17 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:50,800 (ghostly shriek) 18 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,931 NEWSCASTER: And to conclude this Halloween newscast 19 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,017 on a scary note: 20 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,186 Remember, the presidential primaries 21 00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,688 are only a few months away. 22 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:06,316 Hey, if you don't like it, go to Russia. 23 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,776 (doorbell) 24 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,487 BOTH: Trick or treat, man. 25 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,155 Hey, aren't you a little old for this? 26 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,615 You're not even wearing costumes. 27 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,617 Hand over the candy, old dude 28 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,077 or we egg your house back to the Stone Age. 29 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,953 Here you go, kids. 30 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,747 Heh-heh, heh. 31 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,040 Lousy punks. 32 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:23,041 (splatter) 33 00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,250 D'oh! 34 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,586 (kids laughing) 35 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:27,587 We're home. 36 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,759 Aah... whoo! 37 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,469 Get a good haul this year? 38 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,804 Jackpot! 39 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,473 I'm very, very proud of you kids. 40 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:41,851 We would have gotten more if Lisa could walk faster. 41 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,728 I didn't select this costume for mobility. 42 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,438 I wore it to salute 43 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,107 the noble native Americans of the Pacific Northwest. 44 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,149 Yaahh! 45 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,901 (laughing) 46 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:52,821 Now, children, you can have one piece of candy tonight, 47 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,406 and save the rest for-- (groans) 48 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,619 If you eat too much, you'll have nightmares. 49 00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,621 Oh, yeah, everybody in this family 50 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:03,748 is gonna have a bad nightmare tonight. 51 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,875 Oh, yeah, three bad nightmares. 52 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,586 I'd like to see that. Heh-heh-heh. 53 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,421 (thunderclap) 54 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:15,969 Ooh. 55 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,061 (speaking Arabic) 56 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,688 What a dump! 57 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:29,023 Why would Princess Grace live in a place like this? 58 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,900 -Dad, that's Monaco. -D'oh! 59 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:36,739 I can do that, but I don't want to. 60 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,826 Ugh! What is this thing? 61 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:44,122 It is a monkey's paw, dating back to Al-al Ben Abdallah. 62 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,708 It has the power to grant wishes to its owner. 63 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,334 Oh, yeah? How much? 64 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,962 Sir, I must strongly advise you, do not purchase this. 65 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:53,548 Behind every wish lurks grave misfortune. 66 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:55,717 I myself was once president of Algeria. 67 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,344 Come on, pal, I don't want to hear your life story. Paw me. 68 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:04,184 Eww, Homer. Where did you get that ugly thing? 69 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,187 Why, at that little shop right over... there. 70 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,438 (gasps) 71 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,856 Oh, no, wait, it was over there. 72 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,358 You'll be sorry. 73 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,652 MAN (on PA): Flight #7, Marrakech to Springfield, 74 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:15,695 now boarding. 75 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,614 Just a moment. 76 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,619 (yelling in Arabic) 77 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,037 Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 78 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,371 They're souvenirs. 79 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,624 You must pay a fine of two American dollars. 80 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,042 Okay. 81 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,961 Let's wish for x-ray specs that really work. 82 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,004 No, Bart-- peace on earth. 83 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,047 -X-ray specs. -Peace on earth. 84 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,089 -X-ray specs. -Peace on earth. 85 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,966 -X-ray specs. -Peace on earth. 86 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,010 Forget it, you two. As the pants-wearer of this house, 87 00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:40,386 I get the first wish. 88 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:43,264 Homer, there's something I don't like 89 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,974 about that severed hand. 90 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,227 Marge, don't flake out on me. 91 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,812 That monkey's paw is gonna make our dreams come true. 92 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,442 Oh, no! Maggie made a wish. 93 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,236 (horn honks) 94 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,571 Oh, my land! 95 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,198 Ooh! A luxury car. 96 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,324 Good baby. 97 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,909 Good Maggie. 98 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,538 MARGE: Ohh, a new pacifier. 99 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:09,207 D'oh! 100 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:12,085 Okay, no more foolin' around. Paw, this is Bart. 101 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:14,462 I wish for the Simpsons to be rich and famous. 102 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:15,713 Now you're talking. 103 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,676 BOTH: Yay! 104 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,511 Woohoo! 105 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,347 Look, everybody. My purse exploded! 106 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,015 Come on, everybody. 107 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,935 We're going to the fanciest restaurant in town. 108 00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:30,603 MAITRE 'D: I'm terribly sorry. 109 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,064 I have absolutely nothing until June. 110 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,607 Ah, the Simpsons! 111 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,110 Right this way, please. 112 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:40,905 Homer, maybe fame and fortune aren't as bad as they say. 113 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,366 If I hear one more thing about the Simpsons, 114 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:44,993 I swear I'm going to scream. 115 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,036 At first they were cute and funny, 116 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,162 but now they're just annoying. 117 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,040 18 bucks for this? What a rip-off. 118 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,378 ♪ Man smart, the woman is smarter ♪ 119 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,005 ♪ Man smart, The woman is smarter ♪ 120 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,841 Man, this thing's really getting out of hand. 121 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:04,929 Is there anything they won't do? 122 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,432 Oh, Homer, this is awful. 123 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,976 Come to think of it, the guy that sold me this thing 124 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:12,270 did say the wishes would bring grave misfortune. 125 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,314 I thought he was just being colorful. 126 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,441 I wish for world peace. 127 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:20,194 Lisa, that was very selfish of you! 128 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,242 Sorry about the Falklands, old boy. 129 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,327 Oh, forget it. 130 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,078 We kind of knew they were yours. 131 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,173 Well, won't be needing these anymore. 132 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:53,686 ♪ Come on, people now, smile on your brother ♪ 133 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,396 ♪ Everybody get together ♪ 134 00:05:55,480 --> 00:06:00,193 ♪ Try to love one another right now ♪ 135 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,195 Foolish humans. 136 00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:03,529 Oh, yes, Kodos. 137 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:08,409 Earth is now ripe for the plucking. 138 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,995 (menacing laughter) 139 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,001 (menacing laughter continues) 140 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,593 People of Earth, 141 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:29,389 we come to you in the spirit of hostility and menace. 142 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,099 Now, let's be reasonable. 143 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,683 We can resolve our differences peacefully. 144 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:33,726 Uh... ow! 145 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,019 Your superior intellect 146 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,522 is no match for our puny weapons. 147 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:38,856 Gordon, you've got to do something. 148 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,400 What do you want me to do? 149 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:41,609 I'm a baker now. 150 00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,069 They conquered us with a club. 151 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,612 Wish we'd saved an A-bomb or two. 152 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,072 Move along humans. 153 00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,281 (groaning) 154 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,283 This is all the Simpsons' fault. 155 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,035 Before I was just bored with their antics and their merchandise. 156 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,287 Now I wish they were dead. 157 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,665 Geez, now we're slaves. This paw sucks. 158 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,292 Okay, okay, I'll make a wish that can't backfire. 159 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,294 I wish for a turkey sandwich 160 00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,295 on rye bread 161 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,047 with lettuce and mustard 162 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,925 and-- and I don't want any zombie turkeys. 163 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,386 I don't want to turn into a turkey myself 164 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:11,722 and I don't want any other weird surprises, you got it? 165 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,518 Hey! 166 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:18,062 Hmm... mmm! 167 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,480 Mmm... not bad. 168 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,481 Nice hot mustard... 169 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,607 good bread... 170 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,526 turkey's a little dry... 171 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,611 The turkey's a little dry?! 172 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,905 Oh, foul the cursed thing! 173 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,658 What demon from the depths of hell 174 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:31,701 created thee? 175 00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:33,744 Hey, fellow slave. 176 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,621 Is that one of those monkey paw dealies 177 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,415 that lets you wish for things? 178 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:39,208 Yeah, but I got to warn you 179 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,334 that this thing is-- 180 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,378 Yeah, that's what it is. 181 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,880 You want to try it? 182 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,047 Okely-dokely. 183 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,967 Ooh, would you look at that. 184 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,427 Aahh! 185 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,221 Kneel before my slingshot, puny earthling! 186 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,098 Well, I guess my first wish 187 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,309 is to get rid of those awful aliens. 188 00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,978 Aahh! He's got a board with a nail in it! 189 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,730 Enslave humanity, will ya?! 190 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:02,190 Run, Kodos! 191 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:05,860 Ha-ha-ha! 192 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:09,197 Well, Kang, it seems the earthlings won. 193 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,865 Did they? 194 00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:13,701 That board with the nail in it may have defeated us, 195 00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:15,328 but the humans won't stop there. 196 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,747 They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails. 197 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,833 Soon they will make a board with a nail so big 198 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,919 it will destroy them all! 199 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,880 (menacing laughter) 200 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,054 (cheering) 201 00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:34,388 Hey, Homer, 202 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,349 this little thingumajig really works great. 203 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,392 Now that I've saved the earth, 204 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,519 maybe I ought to spruce up the old homestead. 205 00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:44,440 I wish I had a monkey's paw. 206 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:48,945 LISA: Bart? 207 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,238 Bart? 208 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,114 Huh? What's the matter? 209 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,324 I had a bad dream. 210 00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:54,784 Could I sleep in your bed? 211 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,327 No. 212 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,538 I'll give you a candy necklace. 213 00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:03,834 Climb aboard. 214 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:06,420 Thanks, Bart. 215 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,130 Less talk, more sleep. 216 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:15,763 NARRATOR: Presented for your consideration: 217 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,015 Springfield-- an average little town 218 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,184 with a not-so-average monster. 219 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,603 VOICES: Happy thoughts. Happy, happy, happy... 220 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,565 NARRATOR: The people of Springfield have to make sure 221 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,526 they think happy thoughts and say happy things 222 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,444 because this particular monster 223 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,487 can read minds, 224 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,197 and if displeased 225 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,659 can turn people into grotesque walking terrors. 226 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,327 Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. 227 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,621 Boy, I'm getting mighty sick of this. 228 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,039 Huh? 229 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,666 Ruff, ruff, ruff. Bow-wow. 230 00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,377 NARRATOR: And did I mention 231 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,838 that the monster is a ten-year-old boy? 232 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,381 Quite a twist, huh? 233 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,633 Betcha didn't see that one coming. 234 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,343 Good morning. 235 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,553 (spitting) 236 00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,388 -Morning. -Good morning, dear. 237 00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,808 Hiya, Bart. How's my boy? 238 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,351 (nervous laughing) 239 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,562 -(meowing, purring) -Every day, same old cat. 240 00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:07,356 I'll make him more interesting. 241 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:12,862 (screaming) 242 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,780 Ah, there. That's better. 243 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,115 Much better. 244 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,826 Oh, good, the curtains are on fire. 245 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,912 It's good that you made that awful thing, Bart. 246 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,414 It's real good. 247 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:25,082 Hadn't you better get ready for school? 248 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,418 Okay. 249 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,421 He gets it from your side of the family, you know. 250 00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,173 No monsters on my side. 251 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,676 -Hi, guys. -Aahh! 252 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,095 Hi, Otto. Move over, I'm driving. 253 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:39,597 No can do, little buddy. 254 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,015 See, there's a rule-- 255 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:43,100 Oh, wait. You're the little dude 256 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,977 with all the gnarly powers. 257 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:48,564 (kids screaming) 258 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,107 Quit riding the brake, Otto. 259 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,651 Give it some gas, man. 260 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,944 Hey, this is fun, isn't it? 261 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,364 We're going to die, aren't we? 262 00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,700 BOTH: Hiya, Bart! 263 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,745 TEACHER: Well, class, 264 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,706 the history of our country has been changed again 265 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,875 to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. 266 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,293 (all groaning) 267 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,463 America was now discovered in 1942 by... 268 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,340 "some guy" 269 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,218 and our country isn't called America anymore. 270 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:18,719 It's Bonerland. 271 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,806 Your attention, please. 272 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,766 This is Principal Skinner. 273 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,768 Bart, this one's for you. 274 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,144 (pitch pipe) 275 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,813 ♪ Hello, my baby ♪ 276 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,398 ♪ Hello, my honey ♪ 277 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,066 ♪ Hello, my ragtime gal ♪ 278 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,484 ♪ Send me your kiss... ♪ 279 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,361 Phone. 280 00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:38,239 ALL (mumbling): Happy thoughts, happy thoughts... 281 00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,408 Moe's Tavern. 282 00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,243 Hold on. I'll check. 283 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,869 Uh, hey, everybody. 284 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,162 I'm a stupid moron 285 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,665 with an ugly face and a big butt 286 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:51,544 and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt. 287 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,838 (laughing) 288 00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:55,297 BARNEY: That's a new one! 289 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,174 Wait a minute. 290 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,968 (laughing) 291 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,595 (fake laughing) 292 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,848 SKINNER: One more time. 293 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,015 (pitch pipe) 294 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,600 ♪ Hello, my baby ♪ 295 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,310 ♪ Hello, my honey, hello, my ragtime gal ♪ 296 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,603 Double time now. 297 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,272 I love school. 298 00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,191 (yelps) 299 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,818 Come on, come on. Make it, make it, make it. 300 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,820 Please, please, please. 301 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,488 I want to watch Krusty. 302 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,531 Shut up, boy. 303 00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:21,574 If they make this field goal, 304 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,658 I win 50 bucks. 305 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:26,912 ANNOUNCER: The kick is up. 306 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,664 It's looking good. 307 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,959 The ball is turning into a fat, bald guy. 308 00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:33,794 Aahh!... oof! 309 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,714 ANNOUNCER: And it's no good, and you know what we say 310 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,507 every time something strange happens-- 311 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,760 it's good that Bart did that. 312 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,136 It's very good. 313 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,513 (weary laugh) 314 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,766 Well, we're still on. 315 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,559 346 consecutive hours 316 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:52,563 and all because of one little boy who-- 317 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,775 who won't let me stop! 318 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:59,153 Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel 319 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,155 has any more of those legal 320 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,949 over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his. 321 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,618 (kids cheering) 322 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,373 (thinking) Slowly, slowly. 323 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,834 Don't make a sound. Don't even think 324 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,544 because he can hear your thoughts. 325 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,671 Then, when he's least expecting it 326 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,048 bash his head in with a chair. 327 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:20,466 End of monster. (chuckles) 328 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,052 (Homer shrieks) 329 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,471 (gasps) 330 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:26,639 Bart! 331 00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:27,890 Lisa did it. 332 00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,266 That's it, young man. 333 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,310 You're coming with me. 334 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:32,686 Please? 335 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:36,190 You like attention don't you, Bart? 336 00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,274 Do I ever. 337 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,859 Well, we all do. 338 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,152 The problem is that you don't care 339 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,029 whether you get good attention for, say, 340 00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,531 getting high marks in school 341 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,199 or bad attention for, say, 342 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,743 turning your father into a Jack-in-the-box. 343 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,787 Homer, I see you agree with my theory. 344 00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,789 I'm not nodding. It's the air conditioning. 345 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,499 Well, that's too bad because 346 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,793 the attention the boy craves should be coming from you. 347 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,254 I want you to spend some quality time with him. 348 00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,797 Get to know him. 349 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,131 Maybe even love him. 350 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:04,927 (cheering) 351 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:05,928 D'oh! 352 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,597 Whoa-oh-oh. 353 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,900 (all screaming) 354 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,987 Eeyii! 355 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,906 (grunting) 356 00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,785 (yawning) 357 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:30,786 Good night, son. 358 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,496 Good night, Dad. 359 00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:36,000 You know, these last few days have been really swell. 360 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,835 I wish there was something I could do to repay you. 361 00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:41,839 Well, if you wanted to, you could give me my body back. 362 00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:42,965 You got it. 363 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,803 Oh! Hey, hey. 364 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:48,971 Oh, oh... 365 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,180 Thanks, boy. 366 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,724 I love you, Dad. 367 00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,767 I love you, son. 368 00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:59,023 Aaaaaaaaahhh! 369 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,279 BOTH: Mom! Dad! 370 00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,031 My goodness! What's wrong? 371 00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,449 We both had nightmares. 372 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:09,533 Can we sleep with you? 373 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,201 You both toilet trained? 374 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,828 -BOTH: Yes! -Well, okay, then. 375 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,706 4:00? (yawns) 376 00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,876 Couple hours, I have to get up and go to work. 377 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,419 Got to go to work. 378 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:21,837 Go to work... 379 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,172 (snoring) 380 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:25,090 MR. BURNS: Ooh, look at them, Smithers-- 381 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,342 goldbrickers, 382 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,801 lay abouts, 383 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:28,844 slugabeds. 384 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,638 Little do they realize 385 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,599 their days of suckling at my teat are numbered. 386 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,854 Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing, 387 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,314 just to throw the fear of God into them? 388 00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:42,149 Very well. 389 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:44,860 Eeny, meeny, miny-- Ugh! Him! 390 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,029 SMITHERS (on PA): Attention, Homer Simpson. 391 00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,949 Attention, Homer Simpson. 392 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,116 Wake up, Homer. 393 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,743 What? Huh? What? 394 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,453 -SMITHERS: You're fired. -For what? 395 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,746 SMITHERS: For sleeping on the job. 396 00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:57,414 How did you know I was sleeping? 397 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,041 SMITHER: We've been watching you 398 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,084 on the surveillance camera. 399 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,919 Camera? D-ohhh! 400 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:03,128 Smithers. 401 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,588 To the laboratory. 402 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,589 (thunderclap) 403 00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,096 You know, Smithers 404 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,515 I've always despised the laziness 405 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:15,891 of the common worker. 406 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,477 Then I realized his spirit was willing 407 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,937 but the flesh was weak. 408 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:21,605 So I replaced the flesh, which is weak, 409 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,399 with steel, which is strong. 410 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,900 Behold! 411 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,319 The greatest breakthrough in labor relations 412 00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,779 since the cat o' nine tails! 413 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,910 How long till it's up and running, sir? 414 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,704 Keep your pants on, Smithers. 415 00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:37,913 First we need... 416 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,833 a human brain. 417 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,252 Hey, here's a good job, Dad. 418 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,837 Oh, wait. You have to know how to operate 419 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:45,879 an ultrasonic lithontriptor. 420 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,381 How hard can it be? 421 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:48,882 Hey, Dad, here's one. 422 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,927 $28 an hour, plenty of fresh air 423 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,680 and you get to meet lots of interesting people. 424 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,348 Ooh, what job is that? 425 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,225 Gravedigger. 426 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:01,603 (diabolical laugh) 427 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,730 (grunting) 428 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,607 Deeper, wider, faster. 429 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,943 I wouldn't bury my turtle in that mud puddle. 430 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,236 What's the use? 431 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,530 Sheesh! What a slave driver. 432 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:13,866 (yawning) 433 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,702 (snoring) 434 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,288 (howling) 435 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:23,751 What corpse should we unearth, sir? 436 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,461 I don't know. 437 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,796 I feel like a kid in a candy store. 438 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,631 Hello! 439 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,091 An open grave. 440 00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,010 Smithers, get him out quickly. 441 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,678 The stench is overpowering. 442 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,473 Wait a minute, sir. That's Homer Simpson. 443 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,099 He wasn't exactly a model employee. 444 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,518 Well, who is a model... 445 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:42,644 employee? 446 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,855 (shuddering) 447 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,106 Simpson will do just fine, sir. 448 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,692 (grunting) 449 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,486 Did you hear that, sir? 450 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:51,737 No, I didn't. 451 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,405 Who is it, Frankenstein? 452 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,032 The Boogerman? 453 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,743 It's the man in the bag, sir. I think he's alive. 454 00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:58,786 Oh. 455 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,204 Bad corpse. Bad corpse. 456 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,246 (muffled scream) 457 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,790 Stop scaring Smithers. 458 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:03,916 Satisfied? 459 00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,417 Thank you, sir. 460 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,380 (whirring) 461 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,843 Excellent. 462 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,262 Smithers, hand me that ice cream scoop. 463 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,263 Ice cream scoop? 464 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,099 Damn it, Smithers! 465 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,893 This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery! 466 00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:24,228 All right. 467 00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,897 ♪♪ (humming "If I Only Had a Brain") 468 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,232 Hello... 469 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,359 look at me-- I'm Davy Crockett! 470 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,819 (giggling) 471 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,300 Look, Smithers-- a twitch. 472 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,969 It's moving! 473 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:58,512 It's alive! 474 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:01,849 Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad. 475 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,642 Well, who's mad now? 476 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:05,686 (maniacal laugh) 477 00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,020 Hi, there. 478 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,647 I'm your daddy. 479 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:18,740 HOMER'S VOICE: Mmm! 480 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,292 Mmm! Sprin-kles. 481 00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:29,668 JOHNNY CARSON: Geraldo Rivera, 482 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,087 Madonna, and a diseased yak. 483 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,922 LISA: Mom, what's wrong? 484 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,674 It's your father-- he's missing. 485 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,551 Dad's missing? Get out of here. 486 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,428 He's been gone for two days. 487 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:42,514 What do you know? She's right. 488 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:46,518 It wasn't supposed to be this way. 489 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,688 It was supposed to be a thing of beauty, 490 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,398 not this abomination. 491 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:53,483 (snoring) 492 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,986 Oh, Smithers, I was wrong to play God. 493 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,155 Life is precious, 494 00:19:58,238 --> 00:19:59,907 not a thing to be toyed with. 495 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,284 Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet. 496 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:03,702 Sir, his family might appreciate it 497 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,163 if you returned the brain to his body. 498 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:09,041 Oh, come on. It's 11:45! 499 00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,544 Oh, Smithers when you look at me 500 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,338 with those puppy dog eyes... 501 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:15,339 All right. 502 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,677 Ow... ow... ow... ow... 503 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,387 Oh, will you quit your complaining. 504 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,223 Sir, do you know what this means? 505 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,515 He is alive. 506 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:26,975 Ooh, you're right, Smithers. 507 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,810 I guess I owe you a Coke. 508 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,103 And as for you 509 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,980 you clinking, clattering cacophony 510 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,149 of collagenous cogs and camshafts-- 511 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,108 take... that! 512 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,238 Aahh! 513 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:40,405 Run, sir. 514 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:41,698 (panting) 515 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,410 Every bone... shattered, 516 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,247 organs... leaking vital fluids, 517 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,458 a slight headache, loss of appetite. 518 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:55,170 Smithers, I'm going to die. 519 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,047 Sir, is there nothing I can do? 520 00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,131 Well, perhaps. 521 00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,259 Smithers, go to my office. 522 00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:03,262 In the third drawer of my desk are... 523 00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,806 surgical tools... and some ether. 524 00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:08,350 Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh! 525 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,143 Did you have a nightmare, Homie? 526 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:11,395 No, Bart bit me. 527 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:12,980 Hey, man, you were crushing me. 528 00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:15,399 I tried to scream, but my mouth was full of flab. 529 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:17,526 Got to go shake the dew off the lily. 530 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,487 Aahh! 531 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,240 Perhaps you're wondering why you have two heads. 532 00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:26,118 Well, my body was crushed, so I had my head grafted onto 533 00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:28,370 your, shall we say, ample frame. 534 00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,914 I can wake up. It's all a dream. 535 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:32,207 It's just a dream. 536 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,917 Oh, that's right. 537 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:36,044 It's all a dream... 538 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,963 or is it? 539 00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:39,923 (diabolical laughter) 540 00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:46,471 Next week on "The Simpsons"... 541 00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,181 Don't forget, Dad. 542 00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,349 Tonight my class is having 543 00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:50,642 an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dinner. 544 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,144 Mmm... spaghetti. 545 00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:53,979 But Homer, tonight's our reception 546 00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:55,939 for Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands. 547 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,441 Oh, I hate having two heads. 548 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:01,278 ♪♪ 549 00:22:48,116 --> 00:22:50,160 Shh! 550 00:22:52,245 --> 00:22:55,123 CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.