1
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阿森一族

2
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（歡迎蒞臨春田核電廠）

3
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（春田小學）

4
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:18,309
（我再也不敢上堂瞌眼瞓了）

5
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,901
（注意安全）

6
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,820
（《媽媽雜誌》、小丑庫斯提麥片）

7
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,190
不

8
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維古姆警長，麥基主教等貴賓

9
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,211
喬昆比市長

10
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很榮幸將這緊急通報系統

11
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,048
（核電廠狀態）

12
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在極不可能的核災時

13
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這號誌會警告各位春田市的好市民

14
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如何應變

15
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（放鬆，一切安好）

16
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（微量幅射外洩，請關窗）

17
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,313
（爐心熔毀，請逃生）

18
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,608
（爐心爆炸，懺毀直上天堂）

19
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這不就是在講他們嗎？

20
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:52,195
如果爐心爆炸了

21
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,948
訊號燈沒電了也不會亮

22
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現在介紹設計訊號燈的人

23
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,541
他撤回了對反核人士的訴訟

24
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蒙哥馬利伯恩斯

25
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伯恩斯先生從來都不遲到

26
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-肯定大檸樂
-最好是很大的事

27
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沒人敢要我等人

28
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要翻身

29
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要去見大人物

30
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,020
不，伯恩斯先生，要叫醫生

31
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千萬別叫醫生

32
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別讓那些庸醫亂來

33
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只要我還有一口氣在

34
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伯恩斯先生現在的現象是
醫學上所謂的血液不足

35
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也就是俗稱的貧血

36
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醫生，我不是白痴
我知什麼叫做血液不足

37
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,211
我是想知道現在該怎麼辦？

38
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:53,548
目前唯一的希望就是輸血

39
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:54,966
針頭消毒要多久？

40
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,634
-幾秒而已
-那算了

41
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,386
留點血讓我夠撐到回家就可以

42
00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,848
沒這麼簡單啦

43
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,560
他是O型血陰性，很少見

44
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,811
但我偏偏是B型陽性

45
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該死，我的血

46
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史密瑟斯，別太自責了

47
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畢竟你捐給我那個腎

48
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的確救回我一命

49
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（不用發巔也可以到此上班
但巔一點更好）

50
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:18,990
（你想要，什麼時候？）

51
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:21,784
全體員工請注意
我們的老闆和精神寄託，伯恩斯先生

52
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:24,954
已經在鬼門關前與死神搏鬥

53
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,124
如果你剛好是血型O型陰性

54
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我懇求你來外面的捐血車

55
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完畢

56
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,422
我願意捐血，但有個問題

57
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-什麼問題？
-我不願意

58
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,302
你們太過份了

59
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,596
那可是人命關天啊

60
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,890
而且還是個百萬富翁
需要我們救他一命

61
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,683
你們竟然不想趁機大賺一筆

62
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難怪你們一輩子只能做個小職員

63
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-荷馬我是你頂頭上司呢
-抱歉，老細

64
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,234
瑪姬，那是什麼？

65
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,485
狐猴

66
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狐猴

67
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,321
印度牛

68
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-印度牛
-親愛的，妳在做什麼？

69
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,744
我想讓瑪姬知道大自然
不是只有牛馬豬這些

70
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,497
因為我不想她跟我一樣，輸在起跑點

71
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:11,209
麗莎，我們也已經盡力了
印度牛是什麼東西？

72
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,836
就一種牛，但背上有峰
然後脖子有垂肉

73
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,465
峰和垂肉，峰和垂肉

74
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,301
-美枝，我什麼血型？
-A型陽性

75
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:23,179
可惡，需要罕見血型，但我沒有

76
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,349
妳竟然知道爸的血型，是真愛

77
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,559
當媽的就是要知道全家人的一切啊

78
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,353
-是嗎？那我著幾號鞋？
-4B

79
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,563
-我有幾隻牙？
-16隻恆齒，8隻乳牙

80
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:33,523
-耳罩大小？
-特大

81
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,400
-戒指？
-我不要妳戴戒指

82
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:36,818
看起是便宜貨，妳戴三號

83
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:39,153
-對什麼敏感？
-牛酒糖和人造牛油糖

84
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,406
-仲有呢？
-夜光怪獸妝

85
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,157
-犀利
-那我頭有幾條毛？

86
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,577
-不准偷看
-荷馬，你有很多毛

87
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,413
你為什麼想知道血型？

88
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,707
老闆伯恩斯快死了

89
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,834
要是找不到O型陰性血的話

90
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,294
但工廠都沒人是

91
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:57,505
-巴特，是啊
-哇，太好了

92
00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:01,092
恭喜你了，小子，你和針頭有約了

93
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,219
等等，我沒義務捐血喔

94
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,554
小孩也是有人權

95
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,556
對，你有權維持緘默

96
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,058
巴特，見人有難要拔刀相助啊

97
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,769
-這是最了不起的事
-要命

98
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:15,690
巴特，又不是要你免費捐血

99
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,191
這太沒良心了

100
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,571
你這年紀可能還不懂
但救了富翁的命

101
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,406
他就會拿錢回報你

102
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,867
你沒聽過大力士和獅子的故事嗎？

103
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,535
-是聖經故事嗎？
-嗯，應該是吧

104
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,829
總之呢，就是從前從前

105
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:34,000
有頭很大很惡的獅子
爪子插到一根刺

106
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全村子都想幫牠拔出來

107
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,713
但大家力氣都不夠大

108
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,715
所以就請了大力士來

109
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:44,761
大力士用他的神力
一下子就拔出來了

110
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,389
總之呢，這故事就是告訴我們
獅子因此很開心

111
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就賞了大力士一大筆錢

112
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:53,519
獅子怎麼會有錢？

113
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,480
-古代的獅子不一樣
-喔

114
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,398
（捐血車）

115
00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:01,652
開門啊，生死交關的事呢

116
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:02,737
請等等

117
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,655
哇，奧托，你在這上班嗎？

118
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:07,408
對啊，日頭更，朋友都在上學

119
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,203
所以我就去考了放血執照

120
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該上路吧

121
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,498
好，等我洗洗手

122
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,124
（莎士比亞焗雞）

123
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,629
荷馬，勇敢的小巴特

124
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:21,964
不知道該先攬誰

125
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:23,591
攬這小鬼

126
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:25,760
（春田醫院）

127
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,095
（急診室）

128
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可以開始輸血了

129
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,819
史密瑟斯，我快不行了

130
00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,280
我告訴你墓碑上想刻的字

131
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,867
-請說
-查爾斯蒙哥馬利伯恩斯

132
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:52,912
美國人

133
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,540
還是位愛國的美國人

134
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:56,999
愛國

135
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,795
原子大師

136
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,549
暴君的剋星

137
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:10,555
你這暴君，在上帝的大名下顫抖吧

138
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,223
史密瑟斯，我回魂了

139
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:14,767
各位早晨

140
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,394
這位是誰啊

141
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,896
是說不出是誰的你

142
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:20,356
你好，伯恩斯先生

143
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,483
這位…那個什麼

144
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,360
布朗舒先生

145
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,821
本地球隊表現如何？

146
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,365
伯恩斯先生，他沒事了

147
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:30,491
中大獎了

148
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:35,705
哎呀！

149
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,374
我贏了

150
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,084
再會啦，奧斯瓦多

151
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:45,131
史密瑟斯，我恢復精神了
壯的像隻牛一樣

152
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,424
太好了，老闆

153
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,468
真奇怪，史密瑟斯

154
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,469
（伯恩斯辦公室）

155
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,637
各種藥酒、藥膏、補品

156
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,222
還有專利藥物我全試過了

157
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:57,351
沒想到卻是一個細蚊仔的血
救了我一命

158
00:07:57,768 --> 00:08:00,813
-那小孩叫什麼名字？
-巴特辛普森

159
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,607
-哪位？
-是荷馬辛普森的兒子

160
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,233
他是你工廠的員工

161
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:08,821
那麼，我們寫封信給辛普森家
給他們來個驚喜

162
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,574
很好

163
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:13,868
帳單

164
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,078
出庭通知，帳單

165
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:17,914
等等

166
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:20,082
伯恩斯先生，就是這封了

167
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,918
就是這封

168
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,213
美枝、麗莎、瑪姬

169
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,590
我們去花院
這樣鄰居就都會看到

170
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:28,841
麗莎將燈校暗

171
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,843
不對，校光，妳也動一下

172
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:31,844
好，爸

173
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:36,224
這未免有點薄，但沒關係

174
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,517
因為可能是支票

175
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,977
好吧，沒有支票

176
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,687
只有一張卡片，但別緊張

177
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,899
應該是通知我們要送什麼東西
還有要去哪裡領東西？

178
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:48,736
“親愛的巴特，謝謝你的血

179
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:50,947
由衷感謝，蒙哥馬利伯恩斯”

180
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,033
什麼，就只送張卡片

181
00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:00,206
就這樣表達感謝？

182
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:03,084
沒送黃金、鑽石、紅寶石

183
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,752
連張像樣的卡片也沒有

184
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,420
是還有張卡片啦

185
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:08,631
原本真是讓我生氣

186
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,217
荷馬，我們做好事不是為了
人家回報

187
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,178
而是因為人跟人就是應該
互相幫助

188
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,889
美枝，妳是我老婆
我很愛妳

189
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:19,976
但是妳完全活在童話世界裡

190
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,270
全是不切實際的美夢和小精靈

191
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,272
還有神奇青蛙和怪帽子

192
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,148
-對啊，媽，我們被騙了
-巴特

193
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,568
我們這是求仁得仁

194
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,362
我們救了老人家一命

195
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:34,365
我只跟我兒子保證一件事

196
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:35,992
就是會得到很多錢

197
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,119
那老頭害我食言了

198
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,621
我受夠了，巴特，拿信紙來

199
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,665
親愛的伯恩斯先生

200
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:47,420
很榮幸你用了我兒子的血

201
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:50,631
你寄來的卡片也很棒

202
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:54,176
可別誤會，我不是在寸你

203
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,053
你這小氣鬼

204
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,682
-最後一句可以讀出來嗎？
-你這小氣鬼

205
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,309
好

206
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:05,021
你這老不溜丟又暴牙的木乃伊

207
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:08,733
手細的像細蚊仔一樣，笑起來還像

208
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,026
大象屁股？

209
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,111
大象屁股

210
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,280
可是他是你老闆

211
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,866
-你非現在寄不可嗎？
-對

212
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,368
你現在氣頭上，荷馬
等明天再說吧

213
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,536
別提了，美枝

214
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,955
拜託啦，小荷荷

215
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:24,290
算是為我忍耐一次

216
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,836
好吧

217
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:31,464
每次都用抓手這招

218
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,549
但還每次都很管用

219
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,260
你這小氣鬼

220
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,361
荷馬，早餐整好了

221
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,033
美枝，還好有妳，我沒鑄成大錯

222
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,994
我終於想通了這個道理

223
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,414
-什麼道理？
-賢內助，美枝

224
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,583
-謝謝妳
-信呢？

225
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,586
（郵筒，春田五金行）

226
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,635
去哪了？

227
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,557
荷馬，不會擺在玉米粉罐裡啦

228
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:27,228
總是會在哪裡吧，總不會生腳
自己跑掉吧

229
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,480
-巴特，有看到那封信嗎？
-有啊

230
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,816
好，你慢慢想

231
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,944
你最後一次在哪見到它？

232
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,738
最後一次看到的地方

233
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:41,033
-在我手裡
-手裡？

234
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:45,037
投入郵筒的時候

235
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,330
死梗了

236
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,582
你幹了什麼好事？

237
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:52,086
爸，那信所表達的事不吐不快

238
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,214
我瞭解你，你這人很情緒化

239
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:59,051
昨晚嬲完早上就冇事了

240
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:00,761
我讓你試下勁嬲的滋味

241
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:03,514
荷馬這事是你起的頭

242
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,474
要掐也是掐你自己的脖子

243
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,144
她說的沒錯

244
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,982
好啊，荷馬，冷靜
郵差不到中午不會收信

245
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,650
還來得及

246
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,781
別掙扎了，荷馬，這有上鎖的

247
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,241
上鎖？

248
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:27,872
我剛好有個東西可以對付鎖

249
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,749
讓開，小鬼

250
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:35,713
嘿

251
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,173
加油，荷馬

252
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,175
對抗公權力

253
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,680
-為什麼要拿水管，荷馬？
-你覺得呢？

254
00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:46,682
乾脆淋濕封信

255
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,226
上頭筆跡就糊掉，無人可以認出來

256
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:50,978
但這不會也淋到別人的信嗎？

257
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:54,106
就幾個人而已，沒什麼大不了啦

258
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,108
你也知道大家寫信，都沒在說重要事

259
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:58,194
“親愛的某某某不認識的人

260
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,656
你好嗎？誠摯的在下，某某某”

261
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:03,657
沒什麼損失啦

262
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,702
巴特，你幫爸把風看郵差有沒來

263
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,370
來了就給我個信號

264
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:11,081
-爸，郵差來了
-這個好，就用這當信號

265
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,583
不是啦，我是說郵差真的來了

266
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,628
天啊，你們是打算弄濕郵件嗎？

267
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,547
現在跑大概也來不及了

268
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,467
畢竟妳是郵局員工，妳知道我個名
還有我家地址，對吧？

269
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,302
-沒錯
-但我還是要跑

270
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:30,976
我要廣為宣傳我和貧血對抗的過程

271
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:34,146
老闆，羅曼先生是業界最出色的代筆

272
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,232
他寫過像是《別說我不行》這本書

273
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:37,316
《出污泥而不染》

274
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,193
《永不沉沒的薩督丁馬巴拉德牧師》

275
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:42,154
-太棒了
-那好，第一個問題

276
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,824
你有同名人上過床嗎？

277
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,201
齊柏林女爵

278
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,953
什麼鬼

279
00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:52,498
給我聽好了，你這廉價的幕後代筆

280
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:55,960
我可不是文章都寫不好的小明星

281
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,670
這書我自己就能寫

282
00:13:58,212 --> 00:13:59,296
你不用來了

283
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:04,093
（春田郵局）

284
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:07,555
你好，我是伯恩斯先生

285
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,307
你這邊應該有信要寄給我

286
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,434
伯恩斯先生，好，請問你名字

287
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,728
我不知道

288
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,356
爛主意，巴特

289
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:19,692
妳看，瑪姬

290
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,026
這什麼？

291
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:25,447
12面體，12面體

292
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,741
麗莎，爸不知道妳在幹嘛

293
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,244
妳這樣很奇怪
而且妳老豆我有心事

294
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:32,121
第五章

295
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:36,792
煉獄之旅卻有意外收獲

296
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,587
（蒙哥馬利伯恩斯董事長）

297
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:43,591
伯恩斯還要28分鐘才會到

298
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,260
啟動竊信計畫

299
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,267
有何貴幹？

300
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,852
別怕這刀子

301
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,438
只是拆信刀，你是哪位？

302
00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,231
別說真名，說假名

303
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,733
-荷馬辛普森
-慘了

304
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:01,901
辛普森啊？

305
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:05,195
這裡有封你寫來的信

306
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,614
那我就趁現在來讀吧

307
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:11,035
親愛的伯恩斯先生，很榮幸
你用了我兒子的血

308
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,203
你的卡片的很棒

309
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:18,292
辛普森，你真是讓我大開眼界

310
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,002
你真是有禮貌

311
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:23,255
-那我就
-下面還有

312
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:28,052
可別誤會，我不是在寸你

313
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:29,219
你這小氣鬼

314
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,596
你這老不溜丟

315
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,515
又暴牙的木乃伊
手細的像小女孩一樣

316
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,935
笑起來還像大象屁股

317
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:40,898
拜託啦，喬伊，非折我手不可嗎？

318
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,150
荷馬，我做我份內的工作
不用你七嘴八舌

319
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:47,363
我輕輕鬆鬆就能毀了他
但這太便宜他了

320
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:50,574
復仇就是要慢慢來

321
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,744
我要耐心等候

322
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,081
不管了，我就讓他死個痛快

323
00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:59,208
（非請勿進）

324
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,964
說我老？說我暴牙？是嗎？

325
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,217
手很細是嗎？還有老人斑是嗎？

326
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,345
-真是無恥
-解雇通知書要你簽名

327
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,515
怪了

328
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,476
我讓一個人沒了工作

329
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,979
卻覺得好空虛

330
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,148
這樣吧，史密瑟斯
命人把他痛打一頓好了

331
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,400
-可是，老闆
-可是什麼？

332
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:25,442
沒事

333
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:29,863
從沒見過伯恩斯先生這麼生氣
他本來臉就很臭

334
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:34,076
都怪我亂寫信

335
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,869
親愛的，覆水難收了

336
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,122
不論發生什麼事，我們都會涯過去的

337
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,165
-以前不也這樣
-我有個計畫

338
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,459
妳帶孩子去妳家姐家住好了

339
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,004
讓我…客死天橋底

340
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:47,214
這是最實際的做法

341
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,969
他們常說我會毀掉這一家

342
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:53,387
我還不信

343
00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:56,140
沒事的，巴特，那只是隨便說說

344
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:57,891
嚇嚇你罷了

345
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,688
-你認識荷馬辛普森嗎？
-認識啊，人很好

346
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:04,189
以前一起打過牌

347
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:05,399
史密瑟斯

348
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,735
-要痛打他一頓
-沒問題

349
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,278
-等等
-怎麼了？

350
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:11,947
沒事

351
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:13,365
-等等
-幹嘛？

352
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,366
打一頓就好

353
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:16,201
別用腳踢

354
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,286
腳下留情，我懂了

355
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,579
-等等
-怎麼了？

356
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,499
老荷到底犯了什麼錯？

357
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:26,754
他救了伯恩斯先生一命

358
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,343
最後，親愛的讀者，我要向各位致謝

359
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:34,678
你說什麼？

360
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:35,971
我竟然會感謝你們？

361
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:37,931
不，並沒有印錯

362
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,934
我真的很享受寫這本書的過程

363
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,395
就跟大家讀得很享受一樣

364
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,106
全書完

365
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,942
史密瑟斯，把辛普森打得如何？

366
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:50,652
老闆，我們沒打他

367
00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,072
什麼？這也太大膽了
你給我說理由

368
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,783
-因為…我叫停了
-叛徒

369
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:58,827
對不起，老闆，但我真的
狠不下心傷害害荷馬

370
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,413
-你這條命是他救的
-我瞭解了

371
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,374
我知道這樣說你會不高興
但我還是提醒你一下

372
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,710
我現在到大門口去罰企
站到你原諒我為止

373
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:07,961
不用了，史密瑟斯

374
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:13,342
你的冷靜，適時阻止了我的衝動

375
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:15,511
我們握手言和吧

376
00:18:19,556 --> 00:18:22,392
老闆，雖然我希望能跟你這樣
ㄧ直握手下去

377
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,979
但辛普森的事還沒處理完

378
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,523
沒錯，老朋友

379
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:29,733
沒錯

380
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,611
老莫小酒館，菁英的聚集地

381
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,196
請問，“麥”在嗎？

382
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:35,697
姓“褲朗”

383
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,824
等等，我去問問

384
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:38,408
“麥褲朗”

385
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,618
“麥褲朗”

386
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,787
有人看見“麥褲朗”嗎？

387
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,332
聽住，你這個死佬

388
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,292
別讓我見到你

389
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,795
我一定要讓你死得很慘

390
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,759
荷馬，怎麼了？
怎麼一副無精打采的樣子？

391
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,804
我有心事啦，老莫
再來一杯

392
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,807
荷馬，借酒澆愁無助於事

393
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:05,477
借酒交友才有用

394
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,437
（春田購物中心）

395
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,857
我們來給辛普森家送個大禮
豪華大禮

396
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:13,068
他們想也想不到的大禮

397
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:17,197
豪華到不行的大禮

398
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,282
（梳子梳梳專賣店）

399
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:19,241
太普通

400
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,451
（蘇格蘭帽專賣店）

401
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,703
太可愛

402
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,913
（阿拉巴馬傢俱店
所有傢俱皆來自阿拉巴馬）

403
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,374
太老套

404
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,711
波枱？你也太超過

405
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,838
又不是要讓他家變篤波房

406
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,590
（快劫手皮特的世界搜奇店）

407
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:37,759
-找到了，就是這間
-但老闆，這要三萬二

408
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:41,597
這寶貴的一刻別拿價錢來掃興

409
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,140
太完美了

410
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,142
我慘了

411
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:48,729
天啊，是伯恩斯先生

412
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,274
用力，用力

413
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,818
-用力
-爸，他臉上掛著笑容

414
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,239
伯恩斯先生，勞駕您送大禮來

415
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,241
不然我還會對你怎樣

416
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,577
命人把你打得不成人形嗎？

417
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,707
為了表示和解
送你一本我的樣書

418
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,460
《彩虹會來嗎？》

419
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,879
小朋友，你的大恩我可沒忘

420
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:16,173
-給你
-哇，是鐵撬

421
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,758
是給你打開那木箱用的，笨蛋

422
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,260
不是跟妳說過嗎？

423
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:24,097
我猜裡頭都是鑽石、珠寶、翡翠
瑪瑙

424
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,143
哇

425
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,645
-一個醜頭
-不

426
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:33,315
孩子，這可是顆奧爾梅克
印地安族的大醜頭

427
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:36,944
它可是三千年前
由中美洲印地安人雕刻的

428
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:41,156
這個兇悍的傢伙叫作
“伊斯塔波拉波科多”，戰神

429
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,366
好棒

430
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,785
不對，瑪姬，不是阿茲特克人

431
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,454
是奧爾梅克

432
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,747
美枝，這東西能幹嘛？

433
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:49,998
什麼都不能幹

434
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,959
美枝，說真的啦
這東西到底能幹嘛？

435
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,336
它的功能就是你現在看到的

436
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:59,424
那就讓你們好好跟伊斯塔波拉波科
多認識認識

437
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:00,884
你看到他們臉上表情了嗎？史密瑟斯

438
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,595
老闆，我好崇拜你的大氣

439
00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:06,598
救人一命，勝造七級浮屠個鬼

440
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:09,142
這比不送還糟

441
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:11,019
一顆恐怖大石頭

442
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,188
爸，別說那頭的壞話啦

443
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,023
荷馬，心意到了就好

444
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:18,568
這件事給我們的教訓就是
做好事本身就是回報

445
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:22,114
-這就是回報啊，這頭很酷
-既然這樣

446
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,701
那就說是，好事一定有好報

447
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,369
等等

448
00:21:27,744 --> 00:21:30,956
要不是我寫了信去罵
我們什麼也要不到

449
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,416
這個嘛

450
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:36,712
那或許要話，會哭的孩子有糖食

451
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,964
或許根本就沒什麼教訓

452
00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:40,465
沒錯

453
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,551
就不過發生一些事

454
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:45,220
但這幾天的確很難忘

455
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:46,847
也沒錯