1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,006 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,144 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:27,527 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:32,115 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,998 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:50,008 (tires screech) 7 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:04,230 -(tires screech) -(horn honking) 8 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,613 (tires screech) 9 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,534 -Aah! -(tires screech) 10 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:33,259 WOMAN (on radio): Now to our own pie in the sky-- 11 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,762 Bill Pie in the KBBL traffic copter. 12 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,139 -So come in, Bill. -BILL: Bad news, drivers. 13 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,225 There's an overturned melon truck on the interstate. 14 00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:42,310 Oh, it's a mess. There's lots of rubbernecking 15 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,562 and melon wrestling going on, so expect delays-- 16 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:48,358 -Hey, doughnuts! -Bart, there's one left, and it's mine. 17 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:51,194 (grunting) 18 00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,948 Oh! 19 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,574 -Aw, Homer! -Aw, Dad! 20 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:59,369 -(horn honks) -Uh-oh, school bus! 21 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,788 Cool your jets, man. We're comin'. 22 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,124 You forgot the special lunches I made. 23 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,584 -That's okay, Mom! -We got money! 24 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,963 -Now, just a darn-- -Aah! 25 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,215 Mmm. 26 00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,259 (slurping) 27 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,887 Oh. 28 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,764 This is Bill Pie, your pie in the sky, 29 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:22,058 -saying good-bye. -♪ KBBL ♪ 30 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,687 Well, Maggie, it's just you and me again. 31 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,189 (sucking slowly) 32 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:31,901 MAN (on radio): This is KBBL, K-Babble, all talk, 24 hours a day. 33 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,737 If you'd like to share your embarrassing problem with our audience, 34 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,948 we invite you to call our therapist of the airwaves, 35 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,116 Dr. Marvin Monroe. 36 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:42,453 Our number is 555-PAIN. 37 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,956 Don't be afraid. Call now. 38 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:48,084 -(dial tone, dialing) -(Marge clears throat) 39 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:51,087 MARGE: Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe. 40 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,839 First name, age, problem? 41 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:57,427 I'm Marge, 34, and my problem is my husband. 42 00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,597 He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't appreciate me. 43 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,765 I don't know how much more of this I can-- 44 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,476 Hey, lady, save your whining for when you're on the air, okay? 45 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,188 (bird squawks) 46 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,108 Okay, let's see. Next we have Marge. 47 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,111 She's 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of a marriage. 48 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,531 Hey, turn it up. I love hearing those wackos. 49 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,074 Tell me 'bout your husband, Marge. 50 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,868 MARGE: Well-- (clears throat) 51 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,704 When we were dating, he was sweeter... 52 00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:27,540 and more romantic, and 40 pounds thinner, 53 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,626 (sobbing) and he had hair, and he ate with utensils. 54 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,462 (sobs) 55 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,505 What was that last thing you said? 56 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:35,632 -(Marge sobs) -Ah. 57 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,009 Hey, isn't that your wife, Homer? 58 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,177 Don't be ridiculous. 59 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,929 My wife worships the ground I walk on. 60 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:45,600 DR. MONROE: Marge, it's what I call "harsh reality time." 61 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:47,769 Your husband sees you as nothing. 62 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:52,065 -Oh. Okay. Well, thank you. -No, no, no, don't hang up. 63 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,567 The pig has made you into his mother. 64 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,695 You are not the hot love object you deserve to be. 65 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,821 Really? 66 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,199 I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. 67 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:04,369 Tonight, the second he comes through that front door, 68 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,496 you've got to tell him you're fed up, 69 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,082 and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving. 70 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:11,084 Leave Homer? 71 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,169 -Please, don't use his real name! -Leave Pedro? 72 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,755 (laughing) 73 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,882 -Can you be that honest? -Yeah. 74 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,009 You'll tell him right when he comes home from work. 75 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,135 Yeah! 76 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:24,347 -Say it like you mean it. -(loudly) Yeah! 77 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,724 -DR. MONROE: Attagirl. -(gulps) 78 00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,769 LISA: Aw, come on, Bart. Not again. 79 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:30,895 (line ringing) 80 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,063 Ah, where's your sense of humor? 81 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,524 -MAN: Moe's Tavern. -Hello. Is Al there? 82 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,026 -Al? -Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic. 83 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,028 Lemme check. 84 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,031 Phone call for Al-- Al Coholic! 85 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,952 -Is there an Al Coholic here? -(laughing) 86 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,706 Wait a minute. 87 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,708 Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass. 88 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,252 If I ever find out who you are, I'll kill ya! 89 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,796 -(dial Tone) -(laughing) 90 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:02,468 I hope you do find that punk someday, Moe. Fill 'er up. 91 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,638 Is everything okay, Homer? Usually you have a quick one, 92 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,390 some peanuts, a hunk of beef jerky, pickled eggs, 93 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,516 and you're outta here. 94 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:12,687 Let's just say I don't feel like goin' home tonight. Jar, please. 95 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,940 Hey, you can level with me. 96 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,235 -You got a domestic situation? -You might say that. 97 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,238 My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig. 98 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,240 -Homer. -What? 99 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,826 Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar. 100 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:30,163 What? Hey, Barney, am I a pig? 101 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,915 You're no more of a pig than I am. 102 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,500 (belches loudly) 103 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,795 -Oh, no! -See? You're a pig. 104 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:41,507 Barney's a pig. Larry's a pig. We're all pigs. 105 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,344 Except for one difference. 106 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:47,096 Once in a while, we can crawl out of the slop, 107 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,266 hose ourselves off and act like human beings. 108 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,810 Homer, buy your wife some flowers and take her out 109 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,395 for a night on the town. 110 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:57,315 Candles, tablecloth, the whole nine yards. 111 00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:59,067 Gee, a romantic evening. 112 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,736 Nah, she's too smart to fall for that. 113 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,072 I'm not done. After dinner, 114 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:07,784 the two of you are going to check into the fanciest motel in town... 115 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,953 and not check out until the next morning, 116 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,081 if you get my drift. 117 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:16,209 I read you loud and clear. Heh, heh, heh, heh! 118 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:19,045 -(Maggie sucking) -Wow, a quarter past 6:00. 119 00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:20,880 What's keeping Dad? 120 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:23,633 Yeah, who'd possibly be late on meatloaf night? 121 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,552 (bell rings) 122 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,805 Uh, I'd like some flowers. 123 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,515 What kind of flowers? 124 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,475 You know, pretty ones, not dead. 125 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,144 We have some beautiful long-stem roses. 126 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:38,481 -They're $55 a dozen. -One, please. 127 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:41,025 (ticking) 128 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,986 (growls) 129 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,989 (growling) 130 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:50,076 (growling) 131 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,245 -(sucking) -(growling) 132 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,330 -Hey, Mom. -How 'bout some grub? 133 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,833 -(roars) -Aaah! 134 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,880 (growling) 135 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,762 (thunderclap) 136 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,183 (ticking) 137 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,228 (growling) 138 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:20,189 DR. MONROE: Your husband sees you as nothing. 139 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,900 The pig has made you into his mother. 140 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,070 You are not the hot love object you deserve to be, 141 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,072 deserve to be. 142 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,451 If he doesn't start loving... 143 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,375 (thunderclap) 144 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,170 (gulps) 145 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,548 Marge, I, uh, love you. 146 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,550 (mumbles) No, that's not good. 147 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:50,553 Marge, honey, I love you. 148 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,555 Oh. Um-- 149 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:56,559 Marge, I love ya, baby. (groans) 150 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,479 Marge, sweetie, "hooney," honey-- 151 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,398 Ah, this'll never work. 152 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,234 (keys jingling) 153 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:14,202 -I love you, Marjorie. -Oh, Homer. 154 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,205 I love you too. 155 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,248 TOGETHER: Mmmwha! 156 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,792 -(touch tone dialing) -A little predinner entertainment. 157 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,587 -MOE: Moe's Tavern. -Is Oliver there? 158 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,923 -Who? -Oliver Klozoff. 159 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:30,259 Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! 160 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,595 -Call for Oliver Klozoff! -(laughing) 161 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,476 And I made reservations at the Chez Paree. 162 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,729 (gasps) But, Homer, it's so expensive. 163 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,065 It matters not, mon frère. And after desserts, 164 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,691 we'll adjourn to our second-floor room 165 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,109 at the Offramp Inn. 166 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,278 Oh, Homer! I feel giddy! 167 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,531 Wait. What about a baby-sitter? 168 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,283 -Oops. -Not to worry. 169 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,409 MOE: Listen, ya lousy bum. 170 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,954 If I ever get a hold of you, I'll cut your belly open. 171 00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,789 Goodness. Must be a crossed wire. 172 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,625 (touch tone dialing, line ringing) 173 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,835 WOMAN: Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baby-sitting Service. 174 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,504 This is Marge Simpson. 175 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,006 -I'd like a baby-sitter for the evening. -Wait a minute. 176 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:13,010 The Simpsons. Lady, you've gotta be kidding! 177 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,265 (rings) 178 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,392 Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baby-sitting Service. 179 00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,894 Hello. This is Mr. Sampson. 180 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,397 Did your wife just call a second ago? 181 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,815 No, I said Sampson, not Simpson. 182 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,066 Thank God! 183 00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:30,653 Those Simpsons, what a bunch of savages! 184 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,948 -Especially that big-ape father. -Doh! 185 00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,492 Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours, 186 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,828 and we've found them to be 187 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,163 a quite misunderstood and underrated family. 188 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,083 Mom, you look so glamorous. 189 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:47,712 Well, tonight is a very special night. 190 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:50,798 Your father is taking me out for dinner and dancing. 191 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,217 -Dad dances? -Like an angel. 192 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,052 HOMER: ♪ Ba, ba ♪ 193 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,930 ♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba, ba ♪ 194 00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,516 ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba ♪ 195 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,269 -♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ba, ba, ba-ba ♪ 196 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,604 Work that body, Homer. 197 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,856 You know, one day you'll learn 198 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,275 -to move like your old man. -Not if I can help it. 199 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:12,028 (laughs) Son, there's not a woman alive... 200 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,864 who can resist a man who knows how to mambo. 201 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,741 You don't have a clue, do you, Dad? 202 00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:17,992 Out, boy. 203 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:21,370 -Out! -(exhales) What a grump. 204 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,706 (humming) 205 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,667 Hmm. Hmm. 206 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,462 Hmm! Hm, hm. 207 00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,632 Hmm? Hee. 208 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,259 Smooth as a baby's behind! 209 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:38,721 ♪ Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ♪ 210 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,097 (doorbell rings) 211 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,932 Precious, I think I hear the doorbell. 212 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,852 I think you're right, dumplin'. Bart! Get the door! 213 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,937 Aye, aye, mambo man. 214 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,398 Oof! 215 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,694 -(both gulp) -(sucks) 216 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,656 ♪ Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba, ba ♪ 217 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:57,907 You must be the baby-sitter. 218 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:01,077 -Yes. I am Miss Botz. -Just don't stand there, boy. 219 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,329 Help Miss Botz with her suitcases. 220 00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,581 I can handle my own luggage. 221 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,084 Thank you for coming on such short notice, Miss Botz. 222 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,836 Here are the phone numbers of the restaurant where we'll be dining, 223 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,297 and the motel where we'll be spending the night. 224 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,132 You'll have to put Maggie to bed now, 225 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,426 but Bart and Lisa can stay up for another hour. 226 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,304 Until then, they can watch a tape from our video library. 227 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,766 Oh, boy! "The Happy Little Elves Meet the Curious Bear Cub." 228 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,560 Oh, the Elves! The Elves! 229 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,771 Bye, kids! Watch out for the boy. 230 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,439 (grunts) 231 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,275 Mmmwha! Bye, now. Mmmwha! Be good. 232 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,028 - Mmmwha! Gotta go. - ♪ Ba, ba ♪ 233 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,656 ♪ Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba, ba ♪♪ 234 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:42,034 Come, children. Let's go watch "The Happy Little Elves." 235 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,911 Look, lady, we've seen the Crappy Little Elves 236 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,204 about 14 billion times. 237 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,081 Maybe we can watch some real TV. 238 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,499 We're gonna watch the tape. 239 00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,544 Aw! That's merely suggested viewing matter, lady. 240 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,713 Mom lets us watch whatever the hell we want. 241 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,215 I said you're gonna watch this tape. 242 00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:59,468 And you're gonna do what I say, or I'm gonna do something to you. 243 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,846 And I don't know what that is, 244 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,473 because everybody has always done what I say. 245 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,065 They all look so tasty, 246 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,776 but I think I'll eat this one right there. 247 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,486 Why don't you pick one 248 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,322 -that's a little more frisky, sir. -Why? 249 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:23,159 Well, when you choose one that's floating upside down, 250 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:27,204 it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster. 251 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:32,001 Oh, okay. Then I'll take that one there with the beady eyes. 252 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:35,588 Excellent choice, sir. May I lead you to your table? 253 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,923 Oui, oui. After you. 254 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,634 And I'll be seeing you later. 255 00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:44,680 Help! Help! 256 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:48,684 Faster, faster! We gotta save Bubbles. 257 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,812 Oh, man, I can't take it anymore. 258 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,191 -But I want to see what happens! -You know what happens. 259 00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,526 They find Captain Kook's treasure. 260 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,403 All the elves dance around like little green idiots. 261 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,529 I puke. The end. 262 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:04,033 Bart, you're just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love. 263 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,410 -Now for some real TV. -(gunfire, siren wailing) 264 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,371 All right! "America's Most Armed and Dangerous." 265 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,832 Oh, no! Bart! We'll have nightmares! 266 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,251 Relax. This is cinema vérité. 267 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,795 When the brutal, slow-motion killing starts, 268 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,630 I'll tell you to shut your eyes. 269 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,174 The Cue Ball Killer should be considered 270 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,051 extremely armed and dangerous. 271 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:26,222 If you think you've seen him, call 1-800-U-SQUEAL. 272 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,724 MARGE: Homer, you look just like a little boy. 273 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,142 HOMER: 'Cause I'm so carefree? 274 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,811 MARGE: No, because you're wearing a bib. 275 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,604 (laughing) 276 00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,318 -More champagne? -Mmm. 277 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:42,738 Whoops. Time for a fill-up. 278 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,909 Garçon! Another bottle of your second-least-expensive champagne. 279 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:47,993 The defenseless youngsters 280 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,829 were tied up and gagged in the living room... 281 00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,540 while the bandit roamed through the house at will, 282 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:56,836 stealing the valuable objects it took the family a lifetime to shop for. 283 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,171 ♪♪ (Lounge) 284 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:18,566 You know, Marge, this is just like when we were dating. 285 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:22,111 Except for one thing-- no chaperone. 286 00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,655 Ho, ho, hoo! 287 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:25,906 The Baby-sitter Bandit 288 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,033 has left a trail of her daring nighttime robberies 289 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,160 across the continental United States. 290 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,663 She could be lurking anywhere, 291 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,957 about to descend upon another house full of unsuspecting dupes. 292 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,959 -Eee! -Wow! 293 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,627 In a moment, we will show you 294 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,296 a picture of the real Baby-sitter Bandit, 295 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,423 Miss Lucille Botzcowski. 296 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,383 Remember, she may be using a clever alias-- 297 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,676 Botz! 298 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:51,140 ...and should be considered armed and dangerous! 299 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,684 -Aaah! -Aaah! 300 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:58,022 -Aaah! -Aaah! 301 00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:01,400 -(screaming continues) -(thunderclap) 302 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,572 -(Bart and Lisa screaming) -(thunderclap) 303 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,118 Run for it! 304 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,706 (shoes squeal) 305 00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,542 1-800-U-SNITCH. No, U-SQUEAL. 306 00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,462 -(busy signal) -Oh, no! 307 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:23,464 ♪♪ (Radio: Muzak) 308 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:26,508 Don't forget to tell me when you see the offramp. 309 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,969 MARGE: Oh, there it-- 310 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,347 Went. 311 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,973 No problemo. 312 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,351 We'll just get off at the next exit. 313 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,439 (thunderclap) 314 00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,777 (creaking) 315 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,197 Bart. 316 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,991 Bart. 317 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,536 Bart. Bart. 318 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,664 Hmm. 319 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,667 Time to brush your teeth, wash your face... 320 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,086 and say your prayers. 321 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:06,006 Are you in... here? 322 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,550 Oh! Homemade pickled beets. 323 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,930 (quietly) Go ahead. Take 'em all. 324 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,974 -(crash) -(Bart grunts) 325 00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,519 Seeing as no one was hurt, 326 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,771 I think it would be really silly to dwell on this. 327 00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,273 -(line ringing) -Come on! Come on! 328 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,359 -(line clicks) -Finally! 329 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,361 WOMAN: Hello, vigilant viewer. 330 00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:30,239 You have reached "America's Most Armed and Dangerous." 331 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,741 I'm calling to report the Baby-sitter Bandit! 332 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,618 She's in our house right-- 333 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,120 HOMER: Come on, Marge. 334 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,163 Let me carry you over the threshold. 335 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,623 MARGE: Okay, but watch out. 336 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,625 Don't slam my head like last time. 337 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,586 Sheesh! Eleven years ago, and you've never forgotten it! 338 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,923 -Don't muss my hair! -Ohh! Oh! Oh! 339 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,634 Yi! Oh! Yeow! 340 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,928 -Whee! This is fun! -(groaning) 341 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,473 We know who you are, Miss Botz. 342 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,393 Or should I say Miss Botzcowski? 343 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,936 You're the Baby-sitter Bandit. 344 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,688 You're a smart, young man, Bart. 345 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:05,441 I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut. 346 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:06,942 He isn't. 347 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,653 You're crazy if you think you're gonna get away with this, lady. 348 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:10,863 You can't-- 349 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,158 I'm really not a bad person. Here. While I finish up, 350 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,119 you guys can watch the rest of your favorite videocassette. 351 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,288 (muffled shouting) 352 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,583 Quiet, Bart! Let's make the best of this. 353 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,544 Maybe I'll go slip into something 354 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:28,088 a little more comfortable. 355 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:32,092 Oh! Your blue thing with the things? 356 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,429 -You'll see. -Well, shake a leg, mama. 357 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,682 (clattering) 358 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,272 (toy squeaks) 359 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,151 Kid stuff! 360 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,529 Hardly worth it. 361 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,531 Lotta junk. 362 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,992 Soileds. 363 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,869 Stupid Sampsons. 364 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,425 -Maggie! Maggie! -(muffled shouting) 365 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,010 LISA: Come here! 366 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,016 -Good-bye! -Good-bye, everybody! 367 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,436 -Bye! -Yeah! 368 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:29,566 Maggie, wanna watch "The Happy Little Elves" again? 369 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:33,153 Okay, but you have to untie me first. 370 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,450 Oh, Homer! 371 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,998 Oh, ho, ho, ho. 372 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,500 (thuds) 373 00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,752 Oh, so you got out of your crib. 374 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,839 I guess you need to be tied up too. 375 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:58,470 -(Maggie sucking) -Maggie, where are you? 376 00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,515 -(sucking continues) -Maggie! Maggie! 377 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,851 -Heh, heh, heh. -(sucking continues) 378 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,272 -(screams, grunts) -(thud) 379 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,360 (sucking) 380 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,617 (Homer sighs) 381 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:24,997 Homer, would it spoil the mood if I called home, 382 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,833 you know, just to check on the kids? 383 00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,169 -(snoring) -(dial tone) 384 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,301 -(snoring) -(line ringing) 385 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:40,804 Homer, wake up! There's no answer at home. 386 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,347 -So? -So I'm worried. 387 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,141 I think we should go home. 388 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,143 (yawns) All right. 389 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,812 I suppose my work here is done. Heh, heh, heh, heh! 390 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,815 WOMAN: Hello, vigilant viewer. How may we help you? 391 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,109 We caught her! We caught the Baby-sitter Bandit! 392 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,403 She's tied up at our house right now. 393 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,406 -Ask if there's a reward. -Is there a reward? 394 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,158 If she's convicted, we get T-shirts! 395 00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,701 Yeah! 396 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,453 How come all the lights are on? 397 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,205 I don't like the looks of this. 398 00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,831 ("The Happy Little Elves" on TV) 399 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,291 -MARGE: Miss Botz! -HOMER: Miss Botz! 400 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,293 -(Marge gasps) -Good Lord! 401 00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,338 What have those little hellions done now? 402 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,924 We're so sorry. We're so sorry! 403 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:20,093 (grunts) Please turn off the TV. 404 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:23,680 I can't tell you how chagrined we are about all of this. 405 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,390 Oh, these things are heavy. 406 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,604 Just so there's no hard feelings, here's double your pay. 407 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,606 -No, no, triple. -Thank you. 408 00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,650 Mr. Sampson, can I give you a bit of advice? 409 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,776 Sure. 410 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:37,903 Don't turn your back on that boy for a second. 411 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,071 (siren wailing) 412 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,074 Ain't that the truth? You know, one time he-- 413 00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:45,118 -Huh? -(siren growing louder) 414 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,872 This way to the scene of the crime, men! 415 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,207 I got her tied up in the den. 416 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,542 Just a minute, young man! 417 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,127 I don't know what kind of shenanigans 418 00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:55,337 you've been pulling this time, 419 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,256 but I just had to untie your baby-sitter 420 00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,715 and pay her off so that-- 421 00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,759 Excuse me, sir, are you saying to the world 422 00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:02,344 that you just aided and abetted 423 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:05,639 the escape of the notorious Baby-sitter Bandit? 424 00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:08,016 -The what? -The Baby-sitter Bandit. 425 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,396 Oh, uh, are you sure this microphone works? 426 00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:16,024 Uh, well, I wouldn't say I aided her. This is on, right? 427 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,485 Because actually it was quite a struggle. 428 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,071 Oh, Homer! 429 00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:22,614 Have you ever seen a kung fu movie? 430 00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:23,740 It was just like that. 431 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,242 But now I know her moves. 432 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,994 So, if you're listening to me, lady, 433 00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,121 you'd better think long and hard 434 00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,540 before trying something like this on Homer Simpson again! 435 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,875 (light switch clicks) 436 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:37,337 Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright. 437 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,757 Oh, Homer, don't say that. 438 00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:43,593 The way I see it, if you raise three children 439 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,971 who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, 440 00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:47,597 you must be doing something right. 441 00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:48,807 Yeah. 442 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,562 Yeah! 443 00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:56,189 (kissing) 444 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,608 HOMER: Honey, can we make up again? 445 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,986 MARGE: Oh, my goodness! 446 00:22:46,114 --> 00:22:48,241 -(mumbling) -Shh!