1
00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,006
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,144
-(chalk screeches)
-(bell rings)
3
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:27,527
(work whistle blows)
4
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:32,115
-(sucking)
-(register beeping)
5
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,998
(jazzy solo)
6
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:50,008
(tires screech)
7
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:04,230
-(tires screech)
-(horn honking)
8
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,613
(tires screech)
9
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,534
-Aah!
-(tires screech)
10
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:33,259
WOMAN (on radio):
Now to our own pie in the sky--
11
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,762
Bill Pie
in the KBBL traffic copter.
12
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,139
-So come in, Bill.
-BILL: Bad news, drivers.
13
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,225
There's an overturned melon
truck on the interstate.
14
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Oh, it's a mess.
There's lots of rubbernecking
15
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,562
and melon wrestling going on,
so expect delays--
16
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:48,358
-Hey, doughnuts!
-Bart, there's one left, and it's mine.
17
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(grunting)
18
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,948
Oh!
19
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,574
-Aw, Homer!
-Aw, Dad!
20
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-(horn honks)
-Uh-oh, school bus!
21
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,788
Cool your jets, man.
We're comin'.
22
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,124
You forgot the special
lunches I made.
23
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,584
-That's okay, Mom!
-We got money!
24
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:09,963
-Now, just a darn--
-Aah!
25
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Mmm.
26
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(slurping)
27
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Oh.
28
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This is Bill Pie,
your pie in the sky,
29
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-saying good-bye.
-♪ KBBL ♪
30
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Well, Maggie,
it's just you and me again.
31
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(sucking slowly)
32
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MAN (on radio): This is KBBL,
K-Babble, all talk, 24 hours a day.
33
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,737
If you'd like to share your
embarrassing problem with our audience,
34
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:36,948
we invite you to call our
therapist of the airwaves,
35
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Dr. Marvin Monroe.
36
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Our number is 555-PAIN.
37
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Don't be afraid.
Call now.
38
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-(dial tone, dialing)
-(Marge clears throat)
39
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MARGE: Hello.
I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe.
40
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,839
First name, age, problem?
41
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:57,427
I'm Marge, 34,
and my problem is my husband.
42
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,597
He doesn't listen to me.
He doesn't appreciate me.
43
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I don't know how much more
of this I can--
44
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Hey, lady, save your whining for when
you're on the air, okay?
45
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,188
(bird squawks)
46
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:12,108
Okay, let's see.
Next we have Marge.
47
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,111
She's 34 and trapped in
a loveless sham of a marriage.
48
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,531
Hey, turn it up.
I love hearing those wackos.
49
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,074
Tell me 'bout
your husband, Marge.
50
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,868
MARGE: Well--
(clears throat)
51
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:24,704
When we were dating,
he was sweeter...
52
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:27,540
and more romantic,
and 40 pounds thinner,
53
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,626
(sobbing) and he had hair,
and he ate with utensils.
54
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,462
(sobs)
55
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,505
What was that last thing
you said?
56
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:35,632
-(Marge sobs)
-Ah.
57
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:38,009
Hey, isn't that your wife, Homer?
58
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,177
Don't be ridiculous.
59
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,929
My wife worships
the ground I walk on.
60
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DR. MONROE: Marge, it's what
I call "harsh reality time."
61
00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:47,769
Your husband sees you
as nothing.
62
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:52,065
-Oh. Okay. Well, thank you.
-No, no, no, don't hang up.
63
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,567
The pig has made you
into his mother.
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00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,695
You are not the hot love
object you deserve to be.
65
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,821
Really?
66
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,199
I'm as sure of it as I'm
sure my voice is annoying.
67
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:04,369
Tonight, the second he comes
through that front door,
68
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,496
you've got to tell him
you're fed up,
69
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,082
and if he doesn't start
loving, you will be leaving.
70
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:11,084
Leave Homer?
71
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,169
-Please, don't use his real name!
-Leave Pedro?
72
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,755
(laughing)
73
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,882
-Can you be that honest?
-Yeah.
74
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,009
You'll tell him right when
he comes home from work.
75
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,135
Yeah!
76
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:24,347
-Say it like you mean it.
-(loudly) Yeah!
77
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,724
-DR. MONROE: Attagirl.
-(gulps)
78
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,769
LISA:
Aw, come on, Bart. Not again.
79
00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:30,895
(line ringing)
80
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,063
Ah, where's your
sense of humor?
81
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,524
-MAN: Moe's Tavern.
-Hello. Is Al there?
82
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,026
-Al?
-Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic.
83
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,028
Lemme check.
84
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,031
Phone call for Al--
Al Coholic!
85
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,952
-Is there an Al Coholic here?
-(laughing)
86
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,706
Wait a minute.
87
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,708
Listen, you little yellow-bellied
rat jackass.
88
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,252
If I ever find out who you are,
I'll kill ya!
89
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,796
-(dial Tone)
-(laughing)
90
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:02,468
I hope you do find that punk
someday, Moe. Fill 'er up.
91
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:05,638
Is everything okay, Homer?
Usually you have a quick one,
92
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,390
some peanuts, a hunk
of beef jerky, pickled eggs,
93
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,516
and you're outta here.
94
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:12,687
Let's just say I don't feel like
goin' home tonight. Jar, please.
95
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,940
Hey, you can level with me.
96
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:19,235
-You got a domestic situation?
-You might say that.
97
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,238
My wife's gonna leave me
'cause she thinks I'm a pig.
98
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,240
-Homer.
-What?
99
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,826
Marge is right. You are a pig.
You can ask anyone in this bar.
100
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:30,163
What?
Hey, Barney, am I a pig?
101
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,915
You're no more
of a pig than I am.
102
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,500
(belches loudly)
103
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,795
-Oh, no!
-See? You're a pig.
104
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Barney's a pig.
Larry's a pig. We're all pigs.
105
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Except for one difference.
106
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Once in a while,
we can crawl out of the slop,
107
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hose ourselves off
and act like human beings.
108
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,810
Homer, buy your wife some
flowers and take her out
109
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for a night on the town.
110
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Candles, tablecloth,
the whole nine yards.
111
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Gee, a romantic evening.
112
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Nah, she's too smart
to fall for that.
113
00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,072
I'm not done. After dinner,
114
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:07,784
the two of you are going to check into
the fanciest motel in town...
115
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,953
and not check out
until the next morning,
116
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if you get my drift.
117
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:16,209
I read you loud and clear.
Heh, heh, heh, heh!
118
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-(Maggie sucking)
-Wow, a quarter past 6:00.
119
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What's keeping Dad?
120
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Yeah, who'd possibly
be late on meatloaf night?
121
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(bell rings)
122
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Uh, I'd like some flowers.
123
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What kind of flowers?
124
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You know, pretty ones,
not dead.
125
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,144
We have some beautiful
long-stem roses.
126
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-They're $55 a dozen.
-One, please.
127
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(ticking)
128
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(growls)
129
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(growling)
130
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(growling)
131
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-(sucking)
-(growling)
132
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-Hey, Mom.
-How 'bout some grub?
133
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-(roars)
-Aaah!
134
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,880
(growling)
135
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,762
(thunderclap)
136
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,183
(ticking)
137
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,228
(growling)
138
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:20,189
DR. MONROE:
Your husband sees you as nothing.
139
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,900
The pig has made you
into his mother.
140
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,070
You are not the hot love
object you deserve to be,
141
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,072
deserve to be.
142
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,451
If he doesn't start loving...
143
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,375
(thunderclap)
144
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,170
(gulps)
145
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,548
Marge, I, uh, love you.
146
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,550
(mumbles)
No, that's not good.
147
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:50,553
Marge, honey, I love you.
148
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,555
Oh. Um--
149
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:56,559
Marge, I love ya, baby.
(groans)
150
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,479
Marge, sweetie, "hooney,"
honey--
151
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,398
Ah, this'll never work.
152
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,234
(keys jingling)
153
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:14,202
-I love you, Marjorie.
-Oh, Homer.
154
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,205
I love you too.
155
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,248
TOGETHER:
Mmmwha!
156
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,792
-(touch tone dialing)
-A little predinner entertainment.
157
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,587
-MOE: Moe's Tavern.
-Is Oliver there?
158
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,923
-Who?
-Oliver Klozoff.
159
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:30,259
Hold on. I'll check.
Oliver Klozoff!
160
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,595
-Call for Oliver Klozoff!
-(laughing)
161
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,476
And I made reservations
at the Chez Paree.
162
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:41,729
(gasps)
But, Homer, it's so expensive.
163
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,065
It matters not, mon frère.
And after desserts,
164
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,691
we'll adjourn to our
second-floor room
165
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,109
at the Offramp Inn.
166
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,278
Oh, Homer!
I feel giddy!
167
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,531
Wait. What about a baby-sitter?
168
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,283
-Oops.
-Not to worry.
169
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,409
MOE: Listen, ya lousy bum.
170
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,954
If I ever get a hold of you,
I'll cut your belly open.
171
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,789
Goodness.
Must be a crossed wire.
172
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,625
(touch tone dialing,
line ringing)
173
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,835
WOMAN: Rubber Baby Buggy
Bumper Baby-sitting Service.
174
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,504
This is Marge Simpson.
175
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,006
-I'd like a baby-sitter for the evening.
-Wait a minute.
176
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:13,010
The Simpsons.
Lady, you've gotta be kidding!
177
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,265
(rings)
178
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,392
Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper
Baby-sitting Service.
179
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,894
Hello. This is Mr. Sampson.
180
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,397
Did your wife just call
a second ago?
181
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,815
No, I said Sampson,
not Simpson.
182
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,066
Thank God!
183
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:30,653
Those Simpsons,
what a bunch of savages!
184
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,948
-Especially that big-ape father.
-Doh!
185
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,492
Actually, the Simpsons
are neighbors of ours,
186
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,828
and we've found them to be
187
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,163
a quite misunderstood and
underrated family.
188
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,083
Mom, you look so glamorous.
189
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:47,712
Well, tonight is
a very special night.
190
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:50,798
Your father is taking me out
for dinner and dancing.
191
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,217
-Dad dances?
-Like an angel.
192
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,052
HOMER:
♪ Ba, ba ♪
193
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,930
♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
ba-ba, ba, ba ♪
194
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,516
♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba ♪
195
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,269
-♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba,
ba ba, ba, ba-ba ♪
196
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,604
Work that body, Homer.
197
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,856
You know, one day you'll learn
198
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,275
-to move like your old man.
-Not if I can help it.
199
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:12,028
(laughs) Son, there's
not a woman alive...
200
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,864
who can resist a man
who knows how to mambo.
201
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,741
You don't have a clue,
do you, Dad?
202
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:17,992
Out, boy.
203
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:21,370
-Out!
-(exhales) What a grump.
204
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,706
(humming)
205
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,667
Hmm. Hmm.
206
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,462
Hmm! Hm, hm.
207
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,632
Hmm? Hee.
208
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,259
Smooth as a baby's behind!
209
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:38,721
♪ Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ♪
210
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,097
(doorbell rings)
211
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,932
Precious, I think
I hear the doorbell.
212
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,852
I think you're right,
dumplin'. Bart! Get the door!
213
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,937
Aye, aye, mambo man.
214
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,398
Oof!
215
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,694
-(both gulp)
-(sucks)
216
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,656
♪ Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
ba-ba, ba, ba ♪
217
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:57,907
You must be the baby-sitter.
218
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:01,077
-Yes. I am Miss Botz.
-Just don't stand there, boy.
219
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,329
Help Miss Botz
with her suitcases.
220
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,581
I can handle my own luggage.
221
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,084
Thank you for coming
on such short notice, Miss Botz.
222
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,836
Here are the phone numbers of
the restaurant where we'll be dining,
223
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,297
and the motel where we'll
be spending the night.
224
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,132
You'll have to put Maggie
to bed now,
225
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,426
but Bart and Lisa can stay up
for another hour.
226
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,304
Until then, they can watch
a tape from our video library.
227
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,766
Oh, boy! "The Happy Little Elves
Meet the Curious Bear Cub."
228
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,560
Oh, the Elves! The Elves!
229
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,771
Bye, kids!
Watch out for the boy.
230
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,439
(grunts)
231
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,275
Mmmwha! Bye, now.
Mmmwha! Be good.
232
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,028
- Mmmwha! Gotta go.
- ♪ Ba, ba ♪
233
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,656
♪ Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
ba-ba, ba, ba ♪♪
234
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:42,034
Come, children. Let's go watch
"The Happy Little Elves."
235
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,911
Look, lady, we've seen
the Crappy Little Elves
236
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,204
about 14 billion times.
237
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,081
Maybe we can watch
some real TV.
238
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,499
We're gonna watch the tape.
239
00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:51,544
Aw! That's merely suggested
viewing matter, lady.
240
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,713
Mom lets us watch
whatever the hell we want.
241
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,215
I said you're gonna watch
this tape.
242
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:59,468
And you're gonna do what I say,
or I'm gonna do something to you.
243
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,846
And I don't know what that is,
244
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,473
because everybody has always
done what I say.
245
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,065
They all look so tasty,
246
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,776
but I think I'll eat
this one right there.
247
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,486
Why don't you pick one
248
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,322
-that's a little more frisky, sir.
-Why?
249
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:23,159
Well, when you choose one
that's floating upside down,
250
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:27,204
it somewhat defeats the purpose
of selecting a live lobster.
251
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:32,001
Oh, okay. Then I'll take that
one there with the beady eyes.
252
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:35,588
Excellent choice, sir.
May I lead you to your table?
253
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,923
Oui, oui. After you.
254
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,634
And I'll be seeing you later.
255
00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:44,680
Help! Help!
256
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:48,684
Faster, faster!
We gotta save Bubbles.
257
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,812
Oh, man,
I can't take it anymore.
258
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,191
-But I want to see what happens!
-You know what happens.
259
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,526
They find Captain Kook's
treasure.
260
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,403
All the elves dance around
like little green idiots.
261
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,529
I puke. The end.
262
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:04,033
Bart, you're just like Chilly,
the elf who cannot love.
263
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,410
-Now for some real TV.
-(gunfire, siren wailing)
264
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,371
All right! "America's
Most Armed and Dangerous."
265
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,832
Oh, no! Bart!
We'll have nightmares!
266
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,251
Relax. This is cinema vérité.
267
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,795
When the brutal,
slow-motion killing starts,
268
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,630
I'll tell you
to shut your eyes.
269
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,174
The Cue Ball Killer
should be considered
270
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,051
extremely armed
and dangerous.
271
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:26,222
If you think you've seen him,
call 1-800-U-SQUEAL.
272
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,724
MARGE: Homer,
you look just like a little boy.
273
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,142
HOMER: 'Cause I'm so carefree?
274
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,811
MARGE: No, because
you're wearing a bib.
275
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,604
(laughing)
276
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,318
-More champagne?
-Mmm.
277
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:42,738
Whoops.
Time for a fill-up.
278
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,909
Garçon! Another bottle of your
second-least-expensive champagne.
279
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:47,993
The defenseless youngsters
280
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,829
were tied up and gagged
in the living room...
281
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,540
while the bandit roamed
through the house at will,
282
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:56,836
stealing the valuable objects
it took the family a lifetime to shop for.
283
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,171
♪♪ (Lounge)
284
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:18,566
You know, Marge, this is
just like when we were dating.
285
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:22,111
Except for one thing--
no chaperone.
286
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,655
Ho, ho, hoo!
287
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:25,906
The Baby-sitter Bandit
288
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,033
has left a trail of her daring
nighttime robberies
289
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,160
across the continental
United States.
290
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,663
She could be
lurking anywhere,
291
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,957
about to descend upon another house
full of unsuspecting dupes.
292
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,959
-Eee!
-Wow!
293
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,627
In a moment,
we will show you
294
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,296
a picture of the real
Baby-sitter Bandit,
295
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,423
Miss Lucille Botzcowski.
296
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,383
Remember, she may be using
a clever alias--
297
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,676
Botz!
298
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:51,140
...and should be considered
armed and dangerous!
299
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,684
-Aaah!
-Aaah!
300
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:58,022
-Aaah!
-Aaah!
301
00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:01,400
-(screaming continues)
-(thunderclap)
302
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,572
-(Bart and Lisa screaming)
-(thunderclap)
303
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,118
Run for it!
304
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,706
(shoes squeal)
305
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,542
1-800-U-SNITCH.
No, U-SQUEAL.
306
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,462
-(busy signal)
-Oh, no!
307
00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:23,464
♪♪ (Radio: Muzak)
308
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:26,508
Don't forget to tell me
when you see the offramp.
309
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,969
MARGE:
Oh, there it--
310
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,347
Went.
311
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,973
No problemo.
312
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,351
We'll just get off
at the next exit.
313
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,439
(thunderclap)
314
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,777
(creaking)
315
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,197
Bart.
316
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,991
Bart.
317
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,536
Bart. Bart.
318
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,664
Hmm.
319
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,667
Time to brush your teeth,
wash your face...
320
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:02,086
and say your prayers.
321
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:06,006
Are you in... here?
322
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,550
Oh! Homemade pickled beets.
323
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,930
(quietly)
Go ahead. Take 'em all.
324
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,974
-(crash)
-(Bart grunts)
325
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,519
Seeing as no one was hurt,
326
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,771
I think it would be really
silly to dwell on this.
327
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,273
-(line ringing)
-Come on! Come on!
328
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,359
-(line clicks)
-Finally!
329
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,361
WOMAN:
Hello, vigilant viewer.
330
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:30,239
You have reached "America's
Most Armed and Dangerous."
331
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,741
I'm calling to report
the Baby-sitter Bandit!
332
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,618
She's in our house right--
333
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,120
HOMER: Come on, Marge.
334
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,163
Let me carry you over
the threshold.
335
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,623
MARGE: Okay, but watch out.
336
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,625
Don't slam my head like
last time.
337
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,586
Sheesh! Eleven years ago,
and you've never forgotten it!
338
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,923
-Don't muss my hair!
-Ohh! Oh! Oh!
339
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,634
Yi! Oh! Yeow!
340
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,928
-Whee! This is fun!
-(groaning)
341
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,473
We know who you are,
Miss Botz.
342
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,393
Or should I say
Miss Botzcowski?
343
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,936
You're the Baby-sitter Bandit.
344
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,688
You're a smart, young man, Bart.
345
00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:05,441
I hope you're smart enough
to keep your mouth shut.
346
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:06,942
He isn't.
347
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,653
You're crazy if you think you're
gonna get away with this, lady.
348
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:10,863
You can't--
349
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,158
I'm really not a bad person.
Here. While I finish up,
350
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,119
you guys can watch the rest
of your favorite videocassette.
351
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,288
(muffled shouting)
352
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,583
Quiet, Bart!
Let's make the best of this.
353
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,544
Maybe I'll go slip
into something
354
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:28,088
a little more comfortable.
355
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:32,092
Oh! Your blue thing
with the things?
356
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,429
-You'll see.
-Well, shake a leg, mama.
357
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,682
(clattering)
358
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,272
(toy squeaks)
359
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,151
Kid stuff!
360
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,529
Hardly worth it.
361
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,531
Lotta junk.
362
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,992
Soileds.
363
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,869
Stupid Sampsons.
364
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,425
-Maggie! Maggie!
-(muffled shouting)
365
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,010
LISA:
Come here!
366
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,016
-Good-bye!
-Good-bye, everybody!
367
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,436
-Bye!
-Yeah!
368
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:29,566
Maggie, wanna watch
"The Happy Little Elves" again?
369
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:33,153
Okay, but you have
to untie me first.
370
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,450
Oh, Homer!
371
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,998
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
372
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,500
(thuds)
373
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,752
Oh, so you got out
of your crib.
374
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,839
I guess you need
to be tied up too.
375
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:58,470
-(Maggie sucking)
-Maggie, where are you?
376
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,515
-(sucking continues)
-Maggie! Maggie!
377
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,851
-Heh, heh, heh.
-(sucking continues)
378
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,272
-(screams, grunts)
-(thud)
379
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,360
(sucking)
380
00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,617
(Homer sighs)
381
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:24,997
Homer, would it spoil
the mood if I called home,
382
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,833
you know,
just to check on the kids?
383
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:30,169
-(snoring)
-(dial tone)
384
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,301
-(snoring)
-(line ringing)
385
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:40,804
Homer, wake up!
There's no answer at home.
386
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,347
-So?
-So I'm worried.
387
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,141
I think we should go home.
388
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,143
(yawns)
All right.
389
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,812
I suppose my work here is done.
Heh, heh, heh, heh!
390
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,815
WOMAN: Hello, vigilant viewer.
How may we help you?
391
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,109
We caught her! We caught
the Baby-sitter Bandit!
392
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,403
She's tied up
at our house right now.
393
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,406
-Ask if there's a reward.
-Is there a reward?
394
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,158
If she's convicted,
we get T-shirts!
395
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,701
Yeah!
396
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,453
How come all
the lights are on?
397
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,205
I don't like
the looks of this.
398
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,831
("The Happy Little Elves" on TV)
399
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,291
-MARGE: Miss Botz!
-HOMER: Miss Botz!
400
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,293
-(Marge gasps)
-Good Lord!
401
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,338
What have those little
hellions done now?
402
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,924
We're so sorry.
We're so sorry!
403
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:20,093
(grunts)
Please turn off the TV.
404
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:23,680
I can't tell you how chagrined
we are about all of this.
405
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,390
Oh, these things are heavy.
406
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,604
Just so there's no hard feelings,
here's double your pay.
407
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,606
-No, no, triple.
-Thank you.
408
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,650
Mr. Sampson, can I give
you a bit of advice?
409
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,776
Sure.
410
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:37,903
Don't turn your back
on that boy for a second.
411
00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,071
(siren wailing)
412
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,074
Ain't that the truth?
You know, one time he--
413
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:45,118
-Huh?
-(siren growing louder)
414
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:48,872
This way to the scene
of the crime, men!
415
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,207
I got her tied up in the den.
416
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,542
Just a minute, young man!
417
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,127
I don't know what kind
of shenanigans
418
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:55,337
you've been
pulling this time,
419
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,256
but I just had to untie
your baby-sitter
420
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,715
and pay her off so that--
421
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,759
Excuse me, sir,
are you saying to the world
422
00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:02,344
that you just
aided and abetted
423
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:05,639
the escape of the notorious
Baby-sitter Bandit?
424
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:08,016
-The what?
-The Baby-sitter Bandit.
425
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,396
Oh, uh, are you sure
this microphone works?
426
00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:16,024
Uh, well, I wouldn't say I aided her.
This is on, right?
427
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,485
Because actually
it was quite a struggle.
428
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,071
Oh, Homer!
429
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:22,614
Have you ever seen
a kung fu movie?
430
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:23,740
It was just like that.
431
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,242
But now I know her moves.
432
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,994
So, if you're listening
to me, lady,
433
00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,121
you'd better think
long and hard
434
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,540
before trying something like
this on Homer Simpson again!
435
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,875
(light switch clicks)
436
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:37,337
Lord, help me.
I'm just not that bright.
437
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,757
Oh, Homer, don't say that.
438
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:43,593
The way I see it,
if you raise three children
439
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,971
who can knock out and hogtie
a perfect stranger,
440
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:47,597
you must be
doing something right.
441
00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:48,807
Yeah.
442
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,562
Yeah!
443
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:56,189
(kissing)
444
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,608
HOMER:
Honey, can we make up again?
445
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,986
MARGE:
Oh, my goodness!
446
00:22:46,114 --> 00:22:48,241
-(mumbling)
-Shh!