1 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:05,922 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:19,185 (Bart humming) Whoops. 3 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,938 Whoops. Whoops! 4 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:25,483 This is gonna be the best birthday breakfast Mom every had. 5 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,985 Hey, Lis. You think that's enough for her? 6 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,320 -Maybe one more. -(ding) 7 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,114 I hope she likes the presents we got her. 8 00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,657 Well, I know she'll like mine. 9 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,701 Who wouldn't like a bottle of real French perfume 10 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:36,578 all the way from gay Paree? 11 00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:38,371 Four bucks, plus tax. 12 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:39,664 Well, I think she's going to like 13 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,082 my handmade birthday card better. 14 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,417 Oh, big deal. 15 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,253 Dry macaroni, spray paint and glue. Whoopie. 16 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,758 (whistles) 17 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,092 (whirring) 18 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,595 Dibs. First dibs. I get to lick the beaters. 19 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,722 Ow! Ow! Ow! 20 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:58,683 Litha, my "ongue" is "uck" in the "eaters." My "ongue"! 21 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,727 (snoring) 22 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,025 BOTH: Happy birthday! 23 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,110 (screams) Huh? What? 24 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,863 -Here's your birthday breakfast. -Oh! 25 00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,991 -(yawning) -Well, isn't this nice? 26 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,284 -My birthday? -No! 27 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,869 It's my birthday? 28 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:20,205 What did I get? I love birthdays. 29 00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:21,915 No, Homer, it's mine. 30 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,708 You don't even know your own wife's birthday? 31 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:27,295 Well, of course I know. Sure. 32 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,714 You really thought I forgot, didn't you? 33 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:30,882 Oh, right. What did you get her, Dad? 34 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:32,008 Yeah, what did you get? 35 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,887 Uh, well, a very thoughtful gift. 36 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,931 But it's a surprise. (stretches) 37 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,933 You know, it's such a beautiful morning, 38 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,103 I think I'll take a little stroll around the block. 39 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:46,898 -(footsteps accelerate) -(door opens, closes) 40 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,900 (car starts, drives away) 41 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,319 -I think he forgot, Mom. -Mm-hmm. 42 00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,780 (tires screeching) 43 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:58,743 Oh, no. Come on. Come on. Open up! 44 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,537 Good morning, consumers. 45 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,704 The Springfield Mall 46 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,706 is now open for your spending needs. 47 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:08,711 Hmm? Uh... no. 48 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,214 (mumbling) Too salty. 49 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,424 Um... nah. 50 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,426 Hmm? Nah, too corny. 51 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,847 (humming) Too exciting. 52 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,933 Patty, he's out buying me something right now. 53 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:24,602 Oh, Marge. He never gets you anything you want. 54 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,354 He always gets something for himself. 55 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:27,605 The tackle box. 56 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,065 Remember when he got you the tackle box? 57 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,692 And Connie Chung. 58 00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:34,028 And when he surprised you with the Connie Chung calendar? 59 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,573 I'm sure he doesn't do it deliberately. 60 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:40,243 Hmm. Hmm! 61 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:43,246 Well, Homer and I had a lovely dining experience 62 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,414 at Chez Pierre. 63 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,416 Or the Rusty Barnacle is nice. 64 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,418 PATTY: No, no, no. 65 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,420 We wanna take you someplace fun-- 66 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,796 The Singing Sirloin. 67 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,383 (groans) The place where the waiters sing. 68 00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,138 -Homer? -Be right there. 69 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:02,974 (grunts, whistling) 70 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,684 Homer, we're having dinner tonight 71 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,020 at The Singing Sirloin. 72 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,438 That sounds delightful. 73 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,815 Just you and me and the balladeers. 74 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,817 -And the kids. -Fair enough. 75 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,486 -And my sisters. -Doh! 76 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:19,741 ♪♪ (harmonica, waiters singing scales) 77 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:24,287 ♪ How we danced on the night we were wed ♪ 78 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,289 ♪ Havin' my baby ♪ 79 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,542 ♪ What a lovely way to say how much you love me ♪ 80 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:33,588 ♪ Nearer my God to thee ♪ 81 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:38,843 ♪ Nearer to thee ♪ 82 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,847 Oh, perfume! 83 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:45,934 (sniffs) Whoa! Hmm. Thank you, Bart. 84 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,811 -You're welcome, Mom. -34 years old. 85 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:52,148 Time enough to start over with a new man. 86 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,859 -Someone who eats with his mouth shut. -What's that, Patty? 87 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,195 Nothing. Finish your steak. 88 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,822 -Look at him wolf down that gristle. -Mm-hmm. 89 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,866 SELMA: It's an accident waiting to happen. 90 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,868 Do you know the Heimlich Maneuver? 91 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,912 -No. -Good. 92 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,458 I think she likes my present better. 93 00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,502 -Does not. Does not. Does not. -Does too. Does too. 94 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,296 Then how come she's not putting on any of your perfume? 95 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,382 Yeah. Hey, Mom. 96 00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,093 How come you're not putting on any of my perfume? 97 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,595 Mm. (clears throat) 98 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,932 Well, I'm saving it for a special occasion. 99 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:28,226 What the hell are you talking about? There's gallons of it! 100 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,354 -Bart! -But this occasion is already so special. 101 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,356 If we made it any more special, 102 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,483 we might end up making it less special. 103 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,361 -Gotcha. Told ya she liked mine better. -Oh, brother! 104 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,571 Hold on. Hold on now. 105 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,783 Your mother hasn't opened my present yet. 106 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:46,577 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 107 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,579 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 108 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:52,375 ♪ Happy 34th birthday, Mrs. Homer Simpson ♪ 109 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:58,172 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 110 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,469 Oh. Don't worry. 111 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,263 This frosting will come right off. 112 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,265 Beauty, isn't she? 113 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:09,309 It's hard for me to judge 114 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,019 since I've never bowled in my life! 115 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:14,147 Well, if you don't want it, I know someone who does. 116 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,190 (grunts) 117 00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,947 HOMER: You always say we should talk. 118 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,199 I'm talking right now, as a matter of fact. 119 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,368 But I'm going to stop in a second, 120 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,038 so please, say something back, Marge, please? 121 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,290 I'm gonna stop talking... now. 122 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:35,793 You bought that bowling ball for you, not for me. 123 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,045 What? No. 124 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,130 The holes were drilled for your fingers. 125 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,090 I wanted to surprise you. 126 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,216 I couldn't very well chop your hand off 127 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,718 and bring it to the store, could I? 128 00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,928 You never intended for me to use that ball. 129 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,972 Well, if that's how you feel, I'll take it back. 130 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,641 You can't take it back. You had your name engraved on it! 131 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,102 -So you'd know it's from me! -Homer, 132 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,730 I'm keeping the ball... for myself! 133 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:58,941 What? But you don't know how to bowl. Oops. 134 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,444 I'm keeping it, and I'm going to use it. 135 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,113 Thank you for the present, Homer. 136 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,616 Well... you're... welcome. 137 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:11,996 (bowling pins clattering) 138 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,085 Excuse me. Where do I throw this? 139 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,087 -Over there. -Thank you. 140 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,631 -Wait a minute. You're gonna need a lane. -No, thanks. 141 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:24,092 -I'm here out of spite. -Can't bowl without a lane. 142 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,011 -Well, all right. -Okay. Here you go. 143 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,429 You keep score on this. 144 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,556 -What size shoes you wear? -Never you mind. 145 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,558 You can't wear street shoes on the lanes. 146 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,726 You gotta wear bowling shoes. 147 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,186 What size, please? 148 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:37,438 -13 double "A." -13 double "A"? 149 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,775 (whistles) This is the closest I've got. 150 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,819 A nine and a fifteen. 151 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,695 Thank you. Hmm. 152 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,117 A little warm and moist. 153 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,160 Ugh! 154 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,205 Hmm. 155 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:01,879 Hmm. 156 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:06,467 (women cheering) 157 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:10,596 So, 120 pins later, I am the better man. 158 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,561 I don't see what he's doing 159 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,396 that's so different from what I'm doing. 160 00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:20,398 Hmm. (grunts) 161 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,445 Oh! 162 00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:27,447 I'm-- I'm awfully sorry. 163 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,449 Entirely my fault. 164 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,576 It is nice to meet you, 165 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,036 Homer. 166 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,455 Oh, no, no. 167 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,915 Homer's my... ball's name. 168 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:41,169 -I'm Marge. -(chuckles) 169 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:47,425 Your fingers are so slender, so feminine. 170 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:49,635 They're far too tapered for the ball you're using. 171 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:53,055 You need something lighter. More delicate. 172 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,057 Here. Use my ball. 173 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,186 No. No, thank you, Mr., um, Brunswick. 174 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,646 -Call me Jacques. -Jacques. 175 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:04,442 -Marge. -I'll just use my ball. 176 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,110 As you wish. 177 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,820 Many people have senseless attachments 178 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,614 to heavy, clumsy things, 179 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,616 such as this Homer of yours. 180 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:14,827 -Hmm. -May I ask you a bold question? 181 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,121 -Sure. -You've never bowled before. 182 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,831 -Never. No. -No. 183 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,875 Then I will teach you. 184 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,585 I don't wanna trouble you. 185 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,295 Not at all. I am a professional. 186 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,839 Roll the ball for me, Marge. Let me see your form. 187 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,383 All right. But I'm not very good. 188 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,593 (grunts) 189 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,764 I can hit that one pin all right, 190 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,474 but the rest of them don't even wobble. 191 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,726 I can help you, Marge. Pick up the ball. 192 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,103 Pick up Homer. Pick him up. 193 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,105 Oh! 194 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,899 -Now throw. -But-- 195 00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,068 Throw, damn you. 196 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:48,194 (grunts) 197 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,075 You're a very good teacher. 198 00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:56,702 Yes, I am a very good teacher, and I can teach you everything. 199 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,789 I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean, 200 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,916 which frame is the beer frame. 201 00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:03,960 I bet you don't know how to make a five-seven-ten split. 202 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,254 -Do you, Marge? -No. 203 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:09,006 But first of all, you yell, "The eight-pin is a cop." 204 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,676 -(laughing) -Let it out, Marge. Laugh loud. 205 00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:14,136 Laugh out loud. You'll lose weight. 206 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,180 -Oh, that's very funny. -Feels good. 207 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,724 I didn't realize there was so much to this game. 208 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,726 What do you charge for lessons? 209 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,312 -Twenty-five dollars. -Twenty-five dollars! 210 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,940 It's a $40 value. 211 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,984 Well, all right. When do we start? 212 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,152 We have already begun. 213 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,408 Now this is living, eh, kids? 214 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:38,619 Hot pizza-- the food of kings. 215 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:39,996 Don't be scared, Dad. 216 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,622 It's not so hard takin' care of us. 217 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,958 (laughs) Lisa, I'm not scared. 218 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,627 I think it's a great chance to spend some time with you kids. 219 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,254 Your mother always gets to be alone with you, 220 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,380 and now it's my turn. 221 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,802 Does the time always drag like this? 222 00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:58,514 First, you must get to know your lane. 223 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:02,310 Feel the slickness. Feel the satiny finish. 224 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:05,146 Caress it. Experience it. 225 00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,315 -Quite smooth, isn't it, Marge? -Ooh, very smooth. 226 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,442 -Smooth? Yes? -Yes, very. Yes. 227 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,153 -Yes. Smooth? Yes. -Smooth. Yes. 228 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:15,031 You could eat off of it. You hungry? 229 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,450 -Yes. -Four onion rings! 230 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,869 Mmm. Delicioso! 231 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,579 My compliments to the delivery boy. 232 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,581 Okay. We've eaten and eaten well. 233 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:25,958 What else do we have to do? 234 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,835 Let's check the list your mom left us. 235 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:31,005 Eat. Mm-hmm. Oh, clean up. 236 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,298 Don't worry, everybody. 237 00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,592 This will be a breeze if we all pitch in. 238 00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:41,474 All right! We're clean! 239 00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:46,187 Now we'll... put Maggie to bed. 240 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:49,357 ♪ Lullaby and good night ♪ 241 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,109 ♪ Go to bed and sleep tight ♪ 242 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:55,571 ♪ Close your eyes, start to yawn ♪ 243 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,658 ♪ Pleasant dreams until the dawn ♪♪ 244 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,744 (yawns) 245 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,330 (snoring) 246 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,377 -Homer. Homer? -Huh? Huh? 247 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,129 Oh, how was bowling? 248 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,256 It's a very challenging hobby. 249 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,218 Sport, dear. It's a sport, you silly thing. 250 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:18,886 Mm-hmm. 251 00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:21,555 But I think I'll do much better tomorrow night. 252 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:22,723 Oh? 253 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,475 You're going back? 254 00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:25,685 Well, sure. If you don't mind 255 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,770 taking care of the kids again. 256 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:30,523 Uh, no. I don't mind. 257 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,525 Good night, Homer. 258 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,527 Good night. 259 00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:39,281 -It is for you. -Oh, Jacques, it fits. 260 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,493 You got it in my size, and it has my name on it. 261 00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,495 It's really for me. 262 00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:48,165 Seventeen-fifty. Enjoy it, my darling. 263 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,298 Hmm! 264 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,737 (clattering) 265 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,905 (humming) Here we are. 266 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,657 You didn't have to drop me off. 267 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,075 But I wanted to. 268 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,745 Marge, do you know how beautiful you look 269 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,121 in the moonlight? 270 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,915 Oh, Jacques. I'm a married woman. 271 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,917 I know. I know. 272 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,878 My mind says, "Stop," but my heart... 273 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:36,088 and my hips cry, "Proceed." 274 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,590 (groaning) 275 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:39,633 Marge, darling, I want to see you tomorrow. 276 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,260 Not at Barney's Bowlarama. 277 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,722 Away from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. 278 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,224 -Meet me tomorrow for brunch. -What's brunch? 279 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,642 You'd love it. It's not quite breakfast, 280 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,478 it's not quite lunch, 281 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,230 but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. 282 00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,566 You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, 283 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,026 but you get a good meal. 284 00:12:57,109 --> 00:13:00,154 -I don't think so. -Marge, darling... 285 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:02,990 there are ten pins in my heart. 286 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:04,992 You've knocked over eight. 287 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:07,495 Won't you please pick up that spare? 288 00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:11,749 Mm. Mm. All right! 289 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:20,633 -Marge? -What, Homer? 290 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,928 Nothing. 291 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,814 -(horn honks) -BART: Uh-oh. School bus. 292 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:38,067 Here you go, kids. Special lunches. 293 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,069 Lots of good things for growing bodies, 294 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,071 and some treats just for fun. 295 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,739 Ay, caramba! 296 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,533 Are you going bowling again tonight, Mom? 297 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,743 Well, yes, I am, as a matter of fact. 298 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,912 Here's more treats. 299 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,831 But don't worry, your dad will take care of dinner. 300 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,208 Mmm, Wednesday. Hoagie night. 301 00:13:56,252 --> 00:14:00,881 Good-bye, Lisa. My darling little Lisa. 302 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:05,678 Good-bye, Bart. My special little guy. 303 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,849 Mmm! Great lunches, eh, Lis? 304 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,559 Oh, Bart, don't you see? 305 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,812 This is what psychologists call overcompensation. 306 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,522 Mom is wracked with guilt 307 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,023 because her marriage is failing. 308 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,025 Hey, don't rock the boat, man. 309 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,152 Whatever it is, we're making out like bandits. 310 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,363 Bart, I read about what happens to kids 311 00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:26,740 whose parents no longer love and cherish each other. 312 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,326 They go through eight separate stages. 313 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:32,371 Right now, I'm in stage three, fear. 314 00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:34,373 You're in stage two, denial. 315 00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,375 -No, I'm not. -Yes, you are. 316 00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,377 -No, I'm not. -Yes, you are. 317 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,338 -I'm not. I'm not. Am not! -I stand corrected. 318 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,635 -Mimosa? -I'm a married woman. 319 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,429 Please, don't call me that. 320 00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:50,431 (laughs) No, no, no, no, no. 321 00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:52,433 Mimosa is the name of the drink. 322 00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,435 It's orange juice and champagne. 323 00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:55,936 You're so wonderful 324 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,439 that you thought it was something offensive. 325 00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:00,774 Oh, well, thank you. 326 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:03,444 WOMAN: Marge? Marge Simpson. 327 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,070 You remember me, don't you? 328 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,280 I'm Helen Lovejoy, 329 00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,698 the gossipy wife of the minister. 330 00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:09,283 Oh, yes. Hello, Helen. 331 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,535 I had just finished eating and was about to leave 332 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,871 when I looked over this way and said to myself, 333 00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,581 "Why, isn't that Marge Simpson over there 334 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,500 having brunch with a man who isn't her husband?" 335 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,295 And I just had to come over and say hello. 336 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:23,756 -We're, um-- -Oh, don't squirm on my account. 337 00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,467 I am giving her a bowling lesson, thank you. 338 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:31,430 Now, Marge, the pins on the three-seven-ten split would be here. 339 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:33,933 We'll make this little piece of food the ball. 340 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,935 The ball's bigger. You know that. 341 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,561 But for food, this is a good ball. 342 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,897 Oh, well, bye-bye. 343 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,857 See you in church on Sunday, Marge. 344 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:42,983 Good-bye, Helen. 345 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,110 Good-bye, Helen. 346 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,112 You have a lovely friend there. 347 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,239 -(groans) -Let's hope something runs over her. 348 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:51,241 (laughs) 349 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,243 Your laughter is like music to me. 350 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,871 But if you laugh at what I say next, I will die, 351 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,873 for I am about to say something very serious, 352 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,875 perhaps shocking. 353 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,001 Marge, my darling, 354 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,545 I want you to meet with me again. 355 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,548 -That doesn't shock me. -Away from prying eyes, 356 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:09,593 away from the Helens of the world, 357 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,888 at my apartment-- the Fiesta Terrace. 358 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,974 (gasps) 359 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,979 (doorbell rings) 360 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:27,528 I've been waiting for you. Come in, my captivating one. 361 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:30,656 May I have this dance? 362 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,658 Sure. 363 00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,660 ♪♪ (Ballroom) 364 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,336 Whoa! 365 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:51,385 You certainly have a lot of bowling trophies. 366 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,846 (laughs) I like you so much. 367 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,931 They're not for bowling, Marge. 368 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,851 You're so naive. They are for lovemaking. 369 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,186 -Really? -Yes. 370 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,774 Oh! 371 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,737 -Champagne? -Please. 372 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:11,739 There, my darling. 373 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,741 Thank you. 374 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,242 (glasses break) 375 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,370 What cosmic force brought us together, Marge? 376 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,831 -Destiny? -Yes. 377 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,916 Some divine pinspotter... 378 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,378 must have placed us side by side. 379 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:29,506 Like two fragile bowling pins-- 380 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,425 Standing bravely-- 381 00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:34,261 -Until inevitably-- -We must topple. 382 00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,435 Marge, speak to me. 383 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:46,106 -Is Thursday okay? -It's okay, indeed. 384 00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,912 "For Marge"? 385 00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,632 Hey, Dad. What do you say we toss 386 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,634 the ol' apple around, huh? Sound like fun? 387 00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,928 Son, I don't know if I can lift my head, 388 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:17,262 let alone a ball. 389 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,181 Aw, come on, Dad. Get the lead out. 390 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,102 Simpson checks the runner on first. He's cool. He's fine. 391 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:26,146 Here's the windup, and here's the pitch. 392 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,068 Dad, you didn't even say "ouch." 393 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:34,279 Oh, sorry. Ouch. 394 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,365 Lisa. Lisa, I think you're right about Dad. 395 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,450 -Something's very, very wrong here. -Frightened, Bart? 396 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,702 Welcome to stage three: fear. 397 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,621 Well, come on. We gotta do something, man. 398 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,623 Sorry, Bart. I'd love to help you, 399 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,751 but I'm mired in stage five, self-pity. 400 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,711 Look, Dad. I don't know what's going on, 401 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,713 but once you gave me some advice that might help. 402 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,674 I gave you advice? Get out of here. 403 00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:55,050 Yeah, you did. 404 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,219 You told me when something's bothering you, 405 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,638 and you're too damn stupid to know what to do, 406 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,890 just keep your fool mouth shut. 407 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,892 At least that way, you won't make things worse. 408 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,478 Hmm. Good advice. 409 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,575 Marge, may I speak to you? 410 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,369 -Sure. -You know, I've been thinking. 411 00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:24,496 Everyone makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, 412 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,748 but usually the jelly drips out over the side, 413 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,001 and the guy's hands get all sticky. 414 00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,545 But your jelly stays right in the middle 415 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,046 where it's supposed to. 416 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,715 I don't know how you do it. 417 00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:37,926 You just got a gift, I guess. I've always thought so. 418 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,678 I just never mentioned it, 419 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:41,930 but it's time you knew how I feel. 420 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,766 I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up. 421 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,771 Good-bye, my wife. 422 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,691 -(door opens, closes) -Good-bye, Homer. 423 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,451 To the most beautiful moment in life. 424 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,703 Better than the deed, better than the memory-- 425 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:07,206 the moment of anticipation. 426 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:10,000 (humming) 427 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,878 Oh, Jacques, you handsome devil. Look at you. 428 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:17,132 You're really going to strike out tonight! 429 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,387 -Ain't you hungry, Homer? -Starving. 430 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:24,389 Well, then why aren't you eating your sandwich? 431 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:25,891 How can I eat it? 432 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,268 She made it. It's all I have left. 433 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,563 Domestic situation. 434 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,695 ♪♪ ("Wedding March") 435 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,131 (tires squealing) 436 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,677 (tires squeal) 437 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:14,606 ♪♪ (Theme from "An Officer And A Gentleman") 438 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:33,250 Uh, huh? 439 00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,169 Marge! What a lovely surprise. 440 00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:38,171 You're here to see me, right? 441 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,674 Of course! 442 00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:44,136 (co-workers clapping, cheering) 443 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:52,602 Hey, way to go, Homer. Way to go! 444 00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:54,438 What will I tell the boss? 445 00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:57,816 Tell him I'm going to the backseat of my car 446 00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:59,401 with the woman I love, 447 00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:03,113 and I won't be back for ten minutes. 448 00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:05,157 (clapping, cheering) 449 00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:17,794 ♪♪ 450 00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:01,880 -(mumbling) -Shh!