1 00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:20,738 Merry Christmas! 2 00:01:20,763 --> 00:01:24,763 ♪ The Simpsons 25x08 ♪ White Christmas Blues Original Air Date on December 15, 2013 3 00:01:24,788 --> 00:01:29,788 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 4 00:01:41,245 --> 00:01:43,546 Merry Christmas, movie house! 5 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:46,316 Merry Christmas, Mr. Mouse! 6 00:01:53,357 --> 00:01:55,925 Hey-hey. Due to modern sensitivity, 7 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,828 we've been asked to block any violent images 8 00:01:58,863 --> 00:02:00,730 that appear in this children's cartoon. 9 00:02:00,764 --> 00:02:02,499 Oh, my God! 10 00:02:02,533 --> 00:02:05,335 I never watched one of these sober! 11 00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:08,104 I gotta get this bloodbath off my kids' show! 12 00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:14,344 Damn it! 13 00:02:14,378 --> 00:02:16,679 Aw, geez, when did everything turn to crap? 14 00:02:16,714 --> 00:02:19,983 Bart, don't use language like that. 15 00:02:21,652 --> 00:02:24,053 Man, things sure have turned to crap. 16 00:02:24,088 --> 00:02:25,522 Homer, 17 00:02:25,556 --> 00:02:27,824 you have to take the Halloween decorations down 18 00:02:27,858 --> 00:02:29,926 before you put the Christmas ones up. 19 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,962 Marge, to that I say, boo, humbug. 20 00:02:40,471 --> 00:02:43,106 There's a new Grinch this holiday season, 21 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,807 and its name is "global warming." 22 00:02:44,842 --> 00:02:47,844 Meteorologists warn there'll be no snow this Christmas 23 00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:50,313 anywhere in America, not even in Alaska, 24 00:02:50,347 --> 00:02:54,117 where the Eskimos now have a hundred words for "nothing." 25 00:02:54,151 --> 00:02:55,552 Global warming. Huh. 26 00:02:55,586 --> 00:02:58,855 By pure coincidence, every scientist was right. 27 00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:00,957 But it's not all doom and gloom. 28 00:03:00,991 --> 00:03:03,526 Illegal poachers are having a field day. 29 00:03:03,561 --> 00:03:05,962 ♪ 80 degrees, water won't freeze ♪ 30 00:03:05,996 --> 00:03:08,031 ♪ God help us, please, no one's on skis ♪ 31 00:03:08,065 --> 00:03:10,133 ♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy hunting ♪ 32 00:03:11,335 --> 00:03:13,903 ♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy hunting. ♪ 33 00:03:20,711 --> 00:03:23,379 Sorry, kids, I guess the hats and mittens will have 34 00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:24,981 to wait until next year. 35 00:03:25,015 --> 00:03:26,583 Oh! Oh! 36 00:03:43,100 --> 00:03:44,200 Hmm? 37 00:03:44,234 --> 00:03:46,603 Snow? 38 00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:48,671 Snow! 39 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,642 Oh, you know what this means, kids? 40 00:03:53,844 --> 00:03:56,913 I don't have to pick up the dog poops! 41 00:04:00,284 --> 00:04:02,685 Uh, so you see, the "snow" 42 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,254 is a microclimate aberration 43 00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:08,758 caused by radioactive steam from the nuclear plant 44 00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,960 and, of course, tire fire particulate. 45 00:04:10,995 --> 00:04:14,197 So, we're the only place in America with snow, 46 00:04:14,231 --> 00:04:16,833 if you can call it that. I guess you can. 47 00:04:18,135 --> 00:04:20,937 Don't you idiots see what this means?! 48 00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:22,905 Idiots? Why do we reelect this guy? 49 00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:25,808 'Cause his opponent has a long Slavic name. 50 00:04:27,277 --> 00:04:29,312 Who want bumper sticker? 51 00:04:29,346 --> 00:04:32,815 People, Springfield is now the only town in America 52 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,218 that has snow this Christmas. 53 00:04:35,252 --> 00:04:37,820 So tourists are going to want to come here. 54 00:04:37,855 --> 00:04:39,889 Stay in our hotels! 55 00:04:39,923 --> 00:04:41,257 Slurp our spaghetti. 56 00:04:41,291 --> 00:04:43,960 Die in our hospitals. 57 00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:47,397 I say we welcome our winter tourists with open arms, 58 00:04:47,431 --> 00:04:49,165 then gouge the hell out of 'em! 59 00:04:49,199 --> 00:04:51,601 Who? Who will gouge with me? 60 00:04:51,635 --> 00:04:53,269 I, too, will gouge! 61 00:04:53,303 --> 00:04:57,774 Duff Beer is proud to make a corporate commitment to gouging! 62 00:05:05,449 --> 00:05:07,350 Here come the tourists. 63 00:05:07,384 --> 00:05:10,053 Man your ATMs. Yar. 64 00:05:23,701 --> 00:05:25,501 Why would a robot need mittens? 65 00:05:25,536 --> 00:05:28,204 Why would a little boy need an aspirin? 66 00:05:28,238 --> 00:05:29,772 I don't know. 67 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:32,975 The one thing Bongo Comics are good for. 68 00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:38,514 Are you okay, Chief? 69 00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:40,316 I'll be fine, I'll be fine. 70 00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:42,885 God, I bent down to pick up a piece of candy 71 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,220 and rolled down a hill. 72 00:05:44,254 --> 00:05:45,988 You always think it's the other guy 73 00:05:46,023 --> 00:05:47,623 that'll turn into a giant snowball. 74 00:05:47,658 --> 00:05:48,825 Never you. 75 00:05:48,859 --> 00:05:50,893 Have you seen Lou? 76 00:05:50,928 --> 00:05:53,029 There's snow in my lungs! 77 00:05:53,063 --> 00:05:54,897 Lot of attitude in that hand, Lou. 78 00:05:54,932 --> 00:05:56,632 Lot of attitude. 79 00:05:58,402 --> 00:06:00,903 Look at all these out-of-state license plates. 80 00:06:00,938 --> 00:06:02,672 "First in Freeways," 81 00:06:02,706 --> 00:06:04,040 "The 'Yuh-Huh' State," 82 00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:05,842 "Jewel of the Fracking Belt"? 83 00:06:05,876 --> 00:06:07,744 "Still a British Colony at Heart," 84 00:06:07,778 --> 00:06:09,746 "Land of Many Water Snakes"? 85 00:06:11,081 --> 00:06:13,750 Valet parking, five dollars. 86 00:06:15,686 --> 00:06:17,286 Oh... 87 00:06:21,024 --> 00:06:23,860 People, I'm completely out of milk! 88 00:06:23,894 --> 00:06:26,362 I do have several DVDs of the movie Milk, 89 00:06:26,396 --> 00:06:30,299 an inspiring return to form for director Gus Van Sant. 90 00:06:30,334 --> 00:06:32,502 Uh, do you have Life of Pi? 91 00:06:32,536 --> 00:06:36,906 No, but I have some home movies of me on a canoe with a big dog. 92 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:39,809 People who have never seen a movie say it is a good movie. 93 00:06:48,585 --> 00:06:51,087 Mmm? 94 00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:55,625 We can't afford Christmas. 95 00:06:55,659 --> 00:06:57,360 And when you can't afford Christmas, 96 00:06:57,394 --> 00:06:59,428 you've failed as a family. 97 00:06:59,463 --> 00:07:01,798 That's what all the big stores say. 98 00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:04,400 Excuse me, ma'am. 99 00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:06,569 I'm so sorry to bother you, 100 00:07:06,603 --> 00:07:09,272 but my kids are exhausted and the town is sold out. 101 00:07:09,306 --> 00:07:12,308 Is there any chance you'd have a spare room for us? 102 00:07:12,342 --> 00:07:14,710 Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen, 103 00:07:14,745 --> 00:07:17,380 but sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. 104 00:07:17,414 --> 00:07:20,116 Our house is very odd that way. 105 00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:22,952 Please? Please, ma'am? We'd pay you $300 a night. 106 00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:25,955 Well, you seem like a nice, pushy stranger. 107 00:07:25,989 --> 00:07:27,790 Ma'am, because we talk this way, 108 00:07:27,825 --> 00:07:29,325 people always think that we're, um... 109 00:07:29,359 --> 00:07:30,760 Uh, what is that word, honey? 110 00:07:30,794 --> 00:07:31,894 Passive-aggressive. 111 00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:33,496 Right, right, but we're not. 112 00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:36,799 Please, please take our money and everybody wins. 113 00:07:44,441 --> 00:07:45,575 Hmm? 114 00:07:45,609 --> 00:07:48,644 Oh, good. Marge remarried after I died. 115 00:07:48,679 --> 00:07:50,479 Wait a minute. I'm not dead. 116 00:07:50,514 --> 00:07:51,747 What's going on?! 117 00:07:51,782 --> 00:07:53,850 These are our new boarders. 118 00:07:53,884 --> 00:07:56,485 Uh-uh. No way. I'm not sharing my bed 119 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,254 with anybody except you. 120 00:07:58,288 --> 00:07:59,822 And maybe that guy. Lincoln-style. 121 00:07:59,857 --> 00:08:01,324 But that's it. 122 00:08:01,358 --> 00:08:03,159 This is a great thing. 123 00:08:03,193 --> 00:08:05,094 We're helping people celebrate Christmas, 124 00:08:05,128 --> 00:08:07,663 and we'll be able to afford Christmas. 125 00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:09,932 Oh, I don't know. It won't seem like Christmas 126 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:13,603 without opening up a giant credit card bill in January. 127 00:08:13,637 --> 00:08:14,971 Take a look at this. 128 00:08:15,005 --> 00:08:16,973 What the...? 129 00:08:17,007 --> 00:08:19,809 "The Simpson Bed and Breakfast"? 130 00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:23,012 I always wanted to stay in a place like this. 131 00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:25,147 But Christmas is a special time. 132 00:08:25,182 --> 00:08:27,216 And I like to spend it in the warm embrace 133 00:08:27,251 --> 00:08:29,118 of watching football. 134 00:08:29,152 --> 00:08:31,120 Homer Simpson, ask yourself, 135 00:08:31,154 --> 00:08:33,956 W.W.B.J.D.? Huh? 136 00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:35,491 What would Baby Jesus do? 137 00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:42,798 ♪ My baby she told me she don't want to hold me ♪ 138 00:08:42,833 --> 00:08:46,068 ♪ And kiss my lips anymore 139 00:08:46,103 --> 00:08:48,804 ♪ She's gonna leave me 140 00:08:48,839 --> 00:08:50,439 ♪ And she don't believe me 141 00:08:50,474 --> 00:08:53,976 ♪ That I'll be true now 142 00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:55,945 ♪ Well, maybe she don't love me ♪ 143 00:08:55,979 --> 00:08:57,713 ♪ And is not thinkin' of me 144 00:08:57,748 --> 00:08:59,916 ♪ But why'd she do it this time of year? ♪ 145 00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:01,717 ♪ Doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 146 00:09:01,752 --> 00:09:05,254 ♪ She knows that I'll miss her and I'll want to kiss her ♪ 147 00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:08,991 ♪ If just for Christmas 148 00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:10,860 ♪ Merry Christmas... 149 00:09:10,894 --> 00:09:14,430 Well, this crazy scheme is the kind of impulsive behavior 150 00:09:14,464 --> 00:09:16,699 I want to encourage in you. 151 00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:19,602 Mmm... I'm in! 100%! 152 00:09:19,636 --> 00:09:21,103 Oh, thank you. 153 00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:23,105 Now, Homie, table three needs more bread. 154 00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:25,007 I'm on a break. 155 00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:02,144 Welcome to our day care center. 156 00:10:02,178 --> 00:10:05,314 All girls, please move to cootie quarantine. 157 00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:07,716 We've got a two-month-old. 158 00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:09,551 Are you sure you can handle her? 159 00:10:09,586 --> 00:10:11,353 Just don't lose this claim ticket. 160 00:10:11,387 --> 00:10:13,522 That church doesn't look very inspiring. 161 00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:15,524 What a bland marquee. 162 00:10:15,558 --> 00:10:17,558 It doesn't look very inviting. 163 00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:21,563 This whole crowd's gonna be at my sermon today. 164 00:10:21,598 --> 00:10:24,399 Darling, did St. Paul worry about the crowds? 165 00:10:24,434 --> 00:10:27,169 Oh, he wrote letters. Any fool can write letters. 166 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:36,712 Lord, I'm just a small-town minister. 167 00:10:36,746 --> 00:10:38,680 We don't have Mormon money. 168 00:10:38,715 --> 00:10:41,850 But if you could see your way to guiding my fingers 169 00:10:41,884 --> 00:10:44,252 as I type this sermon... 170 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:49,424 Oh, yeah. 171 00:10:49,459 --> 00:10:51,893 Oh, this is black-church good. 172 00:10:58,468 --> 00:11:00,068 My friends... 173 00:11:01,771 --> 00:11:03,839 When he starts with "my friends," it's always bad. 174 00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:05,874 Friends, every year, 175 00:11:05,908 --> 00:11:09,344 I tell you this holiday is about the birth of our Lord, 176 00:11:09,379 --> 00:11:12,514 not singing Santas and full stockings. 177 00:11:14,317 --> 00:11:15,384 You're losing us! 178 00:11:15,418 --> 00:11:16,752 Christmas is not about 179 00:11:16,786 --> 00:11:18,186 what happened in a manger 180 00:11:18,221 --> 00:11:20,222 some 2,000 years ago. 181 00:11:20,256 --> 00:11:23,859 It is about what you do for others now. 182 00:11:23,893 --> 00:11:25,160 Oh! 183 00:11:27,263 --> 00:11:28,363 Get my the church bulletin. 184 00:11:28,398 --> 00:11:29,698 Lovejoy's on fire. 185 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:33,101 Christmas is the Holy Spirit. 186 00:11:33,136 --> 00:11:35,871 Ooh, I didn't know there were doves in there. 187 00:11:35,905 --> 00:11:37,406 Give with your hearts! 188 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,207 Give with your acts! 189 00:11:39,242 --> 00:11:40,442 And you will know 190 00:11:40,476 --> 00:11:43,445 the true meaning of Christmas. 191 00:11:49,152 --> 00:11:51,219 Wow, what a showman. 192 00:11:54,524 --> 00:11:55,824 I haven't felt this inspired 193 00:11:55,858 --> 00:11:57,492 since the blueberries at breakfast. 194 00:11:57,527 --> 00:11:59,961 Daddy, permission for a religious fit? 195 00:11:59,996 --> 00:12:01,229 A brief one. 196 00:12:02,932 --> 00:12:04,733 I said a fit, not a fervor. 197 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:07,302 That sermon really inspired me. 198 00:12:07,336 --> 00:12:09,371 This whole Christmas has been about money. 199 00:12:11,307 --> 00:12:12,908 Oh, are you with the Salvation Army? 200 00:12:12,942 --> 00:12:14,076 What makes you think that? 201 00:12:15,144 --> 00:12:16,645 Bless you. 202 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:18,947 But I'm gonna give gifts that aren't expensive 203 00:12:18,981 --> 00:12:20,315 and come from the heart. 204 00:12:20,349 --> 00:12:22,017 I don't know. 205 00:12:22,051 --> 00:12:24,419 Christmas didn't get to be the number one holiday 206 00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:26,321 by being about love. 207 00:12:26,355 --> 00:12:30,125 Um, when a woman talks, she just wants to be heard. 208 00:12:34,764 --> 00:12:36,331 Where's the end? 209 00:12:39,777 --> 00:12:42,179 Hey, Marge, we're running out of chestnuts over here. 210 00:12:42,213 --> 00:12:43,847 Well, they don't grow on trees. 211 00:12:43,881 --> 00:12:44,915 Uh, yeah, they do. 212 00:12:44,949 --> 00:12:46,249 Oh. 213 00:12:46,284 --> 00:12:48,185 What about our romantic carriage ride 214 00:12:48,219 --> 00:12:49,319 through the snow? 215 00:12:49,354 --> 00:12:51,121 Setting it up. 216 00:12:55,193 --> 00:12:56,927 I don't think you're giving them 217 00:12:56,961 --> 00:12:58,628 what they were promised, Dad. 218 00:12:58,663 --> 00:13:02,332 The secret is: Don't read the comment cards. 219 00:13:06,671 --> 00:13:08,138 Where do the people sit? 220 00:13:08,172 --> 00:13:09,806 I thought they were just gonna watch me. 221 00:13:09,841 --> 00:13:10,874 Excuse me. 222 00:13:10,908 --> 00:13:12,209 This eggnog is terrible. 223 00:13:12,243 --> 00:13:14,344 All eggnog is terrible. 224 00:13:14,379 --> 00:13:17,481 Those stockings are not hung by the chimney with care. 225 00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:20,384 Why did I do this for money? 226 00:13:20,418 --> 00:13:22,285 Why did I do this for money? 227 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,454 And the Christmas special on your television 228 00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:26,289 is one of the worst. 229 00:13:26,324 --> 00:13:30,060 We now return to King Winter Feasts On His Children. 230 00:13:30,094 --> 00:13:33,296 By the time Princess Summer comes to save you, 231 00:13:33,331 --> 00:13:36,033 you'll all be blood in my beard. 232 00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:37,501 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 233 00:13:37,535 --> 00:13:39,336 Your own father's beard. 234 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:48,512 How long to see Santa? 235 00:13:48,546 --> 00:13:50,180 How would I know? I'm an accountant. 236 00:13:50,214 --> 00:13:52,182 I imagine for small business, huh? 237 00:13:52,216 --> 00:13:53,784 God, I hate Christmas. 238 00:13:53,818 --> 00:13:55,419 Huh? 239 00:13:55,453 --> 00:13:58,422 Mr. Flanders, where's your store? 240 00:13:58,456 --> 00:14:01,224 Well, I'm down to a kiosk, thanks to that place. 241 00:14:03,361 --> 00:14:05,095 Actually, half a kiosk. 242 00:14:05,129 --> 00:14:06,863 Sharing it with Nasreen here. 243 00:14:06,898 --> 00:14:10,534 No cream is finer than mall kiosk cream. 244 00:14:10,568 --> 00:14:11,668 J.Lo use it. 245 00:14:11,702 --> 00:14:12,903 No, thanks. 246 00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:15,505 It is no wonder you are not married. 247 00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:16,740 Flip me back. 248 00:14:19,577 --> 00:14:21,111 If I have to give presents, 249 00:14:21,145 --> 00:14:22,579 I'll give presents with a purpose. 250 00:14:22,613 --> 00:14:25,515 One for Maggie. Check. 251 00:14:25,550 --> 00:14:27,851 All that's left is Bart. 252 00:14:27,885 --> 00:14:29,052 No. 253 00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:31,121 No. No. 254 00:14:31,155 --> 00:14:32,389 No, no, no... 255 00:14:32,423 --> 00:14:34,624 Ah, perfect. 256 00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:38,328 ♪ All from Satan's power 257 00:14:38,362 --> 00:14:42,599 ♪ As we were gone astray 258 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:45,168 ♪ Oh, tidings 259 00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:48,972 ♪ Of comfort and joy 260 00:14:49,006 --> 00:14:54,244 ♪ In Bethlehem, in Israel this blessed babe was born... ♪ 261 00:14:54,278 --> 00:14:55,479 Enough. Stop. 262 00:14:55,513 --> 00:14:58,248 Christmas carols only have one verse. 263 00:14:58,282 --> 00:15:00,250 Well, they may have more, but the second verse 264 00:15:00,284 --> 00:15:02,119 is where they get all weird and religiousy. 265 00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:03,753 Uh, more wassail, please. 266 00:15:03,788 --> 00:15:05,989 And don't skimp on the aromatic bitters. 267 00:15:06,023 --> 00:15:08,058 For your information, Gloria, 268 00:15:08,092 --> 00:15:11,428 my wassail is just Gatorade I put in the microwave. 269 00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:14,064 I drank that under the mistletoe. 270 00:15:14,098 --> 00:15:15,132 It's not mistletoe, 271 00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,767 just cherries and lettuce. Oh! 272 00:15:17,802 --> 00:15:20,437 I thought when I ate it, it wasn't poisonous. 273 00:15:20,471 --> 00:15:22,305 I've opened up my house to you 274 00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:24,741 and all you do is fill this joyous season 275 00:15:24,775 --> 00:15:26,243 with petty complaints. 276 00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:28,245 Ho, ho, ho. 277 00:15:28,279 --> 00:15:30,180 Not now. Take out that pillow 278 00:15:30,214 --> 00:15:32,349 and put it in room three. 279 00:15:33,451 --> 00:15:35,585 The pillow acted as a girdle. 280 00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:37,154 Any more questions? 281 00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:39,122 Uh, yes, will the pudding be figgy? 282 00:15:39,157 --> 00:15:41,424 The pudding will be Jell-O. 283 00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:42,826 Quite so. 284 00:15:42,860 --> 00:15:45,095 I'm going to sulk in my room. 285 00:15:45,129 --> 00:15:48,431 The only thing good about this place is the piano player. 286 00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,852 An Angelica Button wizard robe. 287 00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:11,054 With wand pocket. 288 00:16:11,088 --> 00:16:12,822 And wand. 289 00:16:12,857 --> 00:16:15,325 Professor Digglesby's wand. 290 00:16:15,359 --> 00:16:17,394 Now I have every wizarding stick 291 00:16:17,428 --> 00:16:19,329 from the Spells and Potions Department 292 00:16:19,363 --> 00:16:20,964 of Wagglepoofs Academy. 293 00:16:20,998 --> 00:16:22,399 Don't make me learn about it. 294 00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:24,467 I know this Christmas has been a little rocky, 295 00:16:24,502 --> 00:16:26,002 even for the Simpsons, 296 00:16:26,037 --> 00:16:29,005 but I think these gifts born of thought and love 297 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,409 will restore the balance of prajna and samsara. 298 00:16:33,711 --> 00:16:34,844 I mean holly and jolly. 299 00:16:34,879 --> 00:16:36,213 Now, Dad, 300 00:16:36,247 --> 00:16:38,215 I'd like to give you your present. 301 00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:40,350 You got me weed? 302 00:16:40,384 --> 00:16:41,651 Even better. 303 00:16:41,686 --> 00:16:43,920 They're bags of seeds. 304 00:16:43,955 --> 00:16:46,823 So that you can plant a garden and watch it grow. 305 00:16:46,857 --> 00:16:48,425 That's great, sweetie. 306 00:16:48,459 --> 00:16:51,661 After all that time and hard work, I'll have... 307 00:16:51,696 --> 00:16:53,029 radishes?! 308 00:16:53,064 --> 00:16:55,265 It's the most hated part of salad, 309 00:16:55,299 --> 00:16:57,167 which is the most hated part of dinner. 310 00:16:57,201 --> 00:17:00,070 Radishes, nothing but radishes. 311 00:17:02,807 --> 00:17:04,407 Dad, stop. 312 00:17:04,442 --> 00:17:07,010 What? I'm saving them from the struggle of life. 313 00:17:07,044 --> 00:17:09,346 Well, at least you're eating vegetables. 314 00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:10,647 Vegetables?! 315 00:17:11,716 --> 00:17:13,550 Okay, Bart, open your present. 316 00:17:13,584 --> 00:17:15,552 It's the one I'm most excited about. 317 00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:17,988 Plastic bubbling vomit, plastic bubbling vomit. 318 00:17:19,223 --> 00:17:21,958 What? Lis, you're smart. 319 00:17:21,993 --> 00:17:23,793 Why would you give me a book? 320 00:17:23,828 --> 00:17:25,028 'Cause it's easy to wrap? 321 00:17:25,062 --> 00:17:27,097 Nothing is easy to wrap. 322 00:17:27,131 --> 00:17:28,365 I have trouble with scissors. 323 00:17:31,602 --> 00:17:34,938 Marge, the brochure promised us a happy Christmas. 324 00:17:34,972 --> 00:17:36,806 My uncle died in your bed. 325 00:17:36,841 --> 00:17:38,575 Merry Christmas. 326 00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:46,249 What? 327 00:17:46,284 --> 00:17:48,084 N.C. Wyeth. 328 00:17:49,353 --> 00:17:51,521 These are book illustrations. 329 00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:55,425 Stop it! Stop it! 330 00:17:55,459 --> 00:17:57,627 Why in the world would you burn a book? 331 00:17:57,662 --> 00:17:59,896 Actually, the idea to do this came from a book. 332 00:17:59,930 --> 00:18:02,265 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury? 333 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:05,268 What? No, I got it from this. 334 00:18:05,303 --> 00:18:07,270 See? 335 00:18:07,305 --> 00:18:09,472 How could you burn the present I gave you? 336 00:18:09,507 --> 00:18:11,107 Because it's my present. 337 00:18:11,142 --> 00:18:13,743 Did you give it to me because you thought I'd like it 338 00:18:13,778 --> 00:18:16,446 or because you wanted to feel better about yourself? 339 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,115 Children, perhaps it's time that I explain 340 00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:20,650 the true meaning of Christmas. 341 00:18:20,685 --> 00:18:21,751 Shut up, Flanders. 342 00:18:21,786 --> 00:18:23,853 Okily-dokily. 343 00:18:25,323 --> 00:18:27,023 Now, did you check the room to make sure 344 00:18:27,058 --> 00:18:28,158 you haven't left anything? All set. 345 00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:29,759 Need directions or a bottle of water? 346 00:18:29,794 --> 00:18:31,428 No, thanks. We're fine. 347 00:18:31,462 --> 00:18:33,997 Thank you, sir. 348 00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,834 Oh, right, we're still doing that. 349 00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:39,936 Come on. I'll drive you to the airport. 350 00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:42,339 Where are my keys? Oh, right in here. 351 00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:44,040 Bart, you were right. 352 00:18:44,075 --> 00:18:46,376 If you smell your farts in a dream, you die? 353 00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:48,611 No, about Christmas. 354 00:18:48,646 --> 00:18:51,948 So I went out this morning and I got you this. 355 00:18:51,982 --> 00:18:53,983 It's a tablet with books on it, 356 00:18:54,018 --> 00:18:57,687 but also apps, like Worms With Friends. 357 00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:01,024 Wow. But how'd you afford it? 358 00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:03,226 I sold the gift you gave me. 359 00:19:05,529 --> 00:19:07,364 Get the twist? Obviously. 360 00:19:07,398 --> 00:19:08,965 You're saying it's from Maggie, 361 00:19:08,999 --> 00:19:10,633 but actually it's from you. 362 00:19:10,668 --> 00:19:11,701 Thanks, Lis. 363 00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:13,136 Now, why don't you donate that 364 00:19:13,170 --> 00:19:15,338 to whatever hopeless cause you want. 365 00:19:15,373 --> 00:19:16,873 Thanks, Bart. 366 00:19:16,907 --> 00:19:20,143 This will make a lot of arctic loons very happy. 367 00:19:21,178 --> 00:19:22,545 Uh, listen, 368 00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:23,747 I just wanted to say 369 00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:26,216 I'm sorry I overreacted. 370 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,051 Thank you all for coming. 371 00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:30,553 Yeah, well, we have something to say to you, Marge. 372 00:19:32,356 --> 00:19:35,058 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 373 00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:37,527 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 374 00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:40,029 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 375 00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:44,868 ♪ And a happy New Year. 376 00:19:50,207 --> 00:19:52,542 ♪ Good tidings we bring... 377 00:19:52,576 --> 00:19:54,244 No second verses. 378 00:19:54,278 --> 00:19:55,678 They creep me out. 379 00:19:55,713 --> 00:19:58,114 Okay, we'll sing a different one. 380 00:19:58,149 --> 00:20:00,517 ♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪ 381 00:20:00,551 --> 00:20:02,552 ♪ On the feast of Stephen... 382 00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:05,422 Oh, that one creeps me out from the beginning. 383 00:20:05,456 --> 00:20:07,557 ♪ When the snow lay round about ♪ 384 00:20:07,591 --> 00:20:09,959 ♪ Deep and crisp and even 385 00:20:11,262 --> 00:20:14,594 Oh, the happy sound of a blender. 386 00:20:14,694 --> 00:20:19,694 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 387 00:21:02,091 --> 00:21:03,014 Shh!