1 00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,800 In local news, champion angler abe simpson 2 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,468 Is retiring. 3 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,303 Yes, it's o-fish-ial. 4 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:16,306 After reeling in his 20th fishing derby win, 5 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,267 He's finally bowing trout. 6 00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:21,020 Later, stay tuna for a sharking story 7 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,063 About a local sturgeon with a cod complex 8 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:26,442 Who kills patients just for the halibut. 9 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,318 Abe, why retire now? 10 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,322 Well, I want to go out on my 20-year win streak 11 00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:36,160 And pass along my only earthly talent to my son. 12 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,995 Tomorrow he's gonna take over 13 00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:40,497 The simpson family fishing dominance. 14 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,042 To all you fish out there watching, 15 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,668 He's a-comin' for ya! 16 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:47,713 Whoa. It's sexy when you're on the local news 17 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,797 For something not horrible. 18 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:52,009 Those fish should be so scared. 19 00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,595 Oh, those fish shouldn't be scared at all. 20 00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,805 I never win anything. 21 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,892 Why does my dad think I'll win this fishing contest? 22 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,561 Maybe because all you have to do is sit still 23 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,771 And hold a stick. 24 00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:06,482 That's two things! [groans] 25 00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,484 [birds singing] 26 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,486 [humming] 27 00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:11,779 [door opens] 28 00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,197 Principal skinner, sorry to barge in, 29 00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,199 But I'm applying to the most selective 30 00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,034 Kids' summer camp in the country. 31 00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,787 They even reject the silicon valley adderall kids. 32 00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:22,664 And, um, I was hoping you'd write me 33 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:23,916 A letter of recommendation. 34 00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,709 [chuckles] recommendation letter? 35 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,295 No one's ever asked me to write one of those before. 36 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,673 I've mainly just done letters to judges requesting leniency. 37 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,592 If I'm accepted into the university of springfield camp, 38 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,552 I'll be fast-tracked to get into 39 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,429 The amherst middle school summer workshop, 40 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,597 Which is a feeder 41 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,265 To the uc santa cruz marine biology retreat, 42 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:44,186 Which is a sure ticket into the oberlin philosophy day camp 43 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,021 With sleepover option. 44 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,857 Well, I believe my edu95 software bundle 45 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,569 Did come with a recommendation template. 46 00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,030 [whirring] 47 00:01:56,325 --> 00:02:00,702 Don't forget, I was the classroom hamster monitor. 48 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,872 And the art club parliamentarian. 49 00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,624 And I chaired the fundraiser 50 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,293 To get the lunch ladies ethical hairnets. [chuckles] 51 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,129 Got it. 52 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,381 "many interests." 53 00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,799 And print. 54 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,092 [whirring] 55 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,470 [gasps] 56 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,766 Never mind. 57 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:25,060 ♪ 58 00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,063 Welcome to the annual springfield fishing derby, 59 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,065 Sponsored by duff camo. 60 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,692 "the deer will never see you're drunk." 61 00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:35,654 And now, the champion emeritus will throw out 62 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,323 The ceremonial first cast! 63 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,576 [grunts] 64 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,745 -[chuckles] -[cheering] 65 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,539 Dad, why do you think I can do this? 66 00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:46,874 I never win anything. 67 00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,083 Oh, I don't believe in you. 68 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,086 I'm banking on the simpsons fishing gene. 69 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,421 I'm finally gonna pass down something 70 00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:55,257 Other than chronic hand hate. 71 00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,260 -[crying] -oh! 72 00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:02,014 We're three hours into this nail-biting, 73 00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,141 Intense competition, folks, 74 00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,894 Which means butt fatigue is really setting in 75 00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,937 On these recumbent warriors. 76 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,814 [groaning] 77 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,192 [joints cracking] 78 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,614 Aw, man, if I wanted to watch dad sit and do nothing, 79 00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,282 I'd visit him at work. 80 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,409 Mom, I bet the other camp applicants 81 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,870 Are volunteering and accomplishing stuff. 82 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,288 I'm just standing around here 83 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,832 Getting a tan line from my pearls! 84 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,125 I'm sure you'll get in. 85 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,127 You get into everything. 86 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,796 I could pick up litter, rescue driftwood, 87 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:38,467 Make sure beavers aren't chewing on washed-up mannequin arms. 88 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,762 -[chittering angrily] -[grunting] 89 00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:42,512 Oh... 90 00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:43,889 [quietly] sorry, marge, 91 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,766 But could you murmur a little quieter? 92 00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,351 I'm trying to fish. 93 00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:50,520 Uh-oh. 94 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,232 I got to let myself run a little. 95 00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,359 Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh! 96 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:57,611 -Hmm. -[homer groaning] 97 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,238 [others laughing] 98 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,615 Ah! 99 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,450 [laughter] 100 00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,536 What the hell is that thing?! 101 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,997 Get it out! Get it! 102 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,791 Oh. Hey! 103 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:11,875 -Homie! -[bart whooping] 104 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:15,545 The fish weight to beat is 7.2 pounds. 105 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,464 Will a heavier fish arise? 106 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,466 We'll find out right after this. 107 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,134 When you're gutting your catch, 108 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,136 Are you sick and tired of being stared at 109 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,264 By cold, accusing fish eyes? 110 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,556 You need the happy hood. 111 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:30,519 That's right, fish, you'll love it! 112 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:32,396 And don't forget to play the happy hood mobile game. 113 00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:35,899 Homer simpson's fish comes in at... 114 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,734 10.4 pounds. 115 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,027 We have a winner! 116 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,030 [crying] I've never won anything before. 117 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,532 What do I do? 118 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,033 Uh... 119 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,415 [chuckles] oh, my gorgeous boy. 120 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,084 I've never loved you more! 121 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,128 Thanks, dad. 122 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:02,384 I get to cook my husband's prize-winning fish! 123 00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,679 The whole house is gonna stink like victory! 124 00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:13,312 What? Is this where marbles come from? 125 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,314 Like pearls and lobsters? 126 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:18,567 Uh, how did my slingshot marbles get in there? 127 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:23,030 You added weight to my fish with marbles?! 128 00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,614 I-I couldn't help it! 129 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:27,734 Watching you lose was so boring. 130 00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:30,871 So I didn't really win at all. 131 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,122 You cheated! 132 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,333 [grunting angrily] 133 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,462 [sighs] oh. 134 00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,213 Oh, my gorgeous boy, 135 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,174 I've never loved you more! 136 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:49,639 "the saga of the oregon trail," 137 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,933 A poem by milhouse van houten. 138 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,394 "we started our journey to the pacific 139 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:59,274 Because we heard that it was terrific." 140 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,694 I'm here to take bart simpson to his doctor's appointment. 141 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,321 I have a doctor's appointment? 142 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,615 Oh, yeah. Bunch of them. You're really sick. 143 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:13,246 "we made our first camp when we were all ready. 144 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,248 We made our first dinner, 145 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,584 Meatballs and spaghetti." 146 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,797 Uh, this isn't the way to the doctor. 147 00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,965 [laughs] 148 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,133 There's no doctor. 149 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,968 So I'm not sick? 150 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,137 I don't know. Everybody's got something. 151 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,765 You and me are going cheating. 152 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:32,974 Huh? 153 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,060 When your fish marbles won me that contest, 154 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,229 It was the greatest thrill I ever had as a father. 155 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,731 And I want to feel that rush again. 156 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,278 Uh, how do we cheat at rock skipping? 157 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,864 I don't know. Making a plan 158 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,325 To cheat in advance felt dishonest. 159 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,080 -[whirring] -[humming] 160 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,250 Perfect. 161 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,127 -[whirring] -[high-pitched humming] 162 00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:04,297 Ooh, a big envelope from summer camp admissions! 163 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,091 [singsongy] I bet that's good news! 164 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:09,094 Mom, that's my safety. 165 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,637 Of course I'm gonna get in there. 166 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,098 Florida state's a total party camp. 167 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,225 Why haven't I heard yet? 168 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,060 Janey got responses from all her camps, 169 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,478 Even her reaches. 170 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,398 Her essay was about her grandmother's immigrant story. 171 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,608 -Uh-huh. -She came from ottawa. 172 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,152 That's barely an immigrant. 173 00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:26,528 -[whirring] -[grunting] 174 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,490 [announcer] coming up later, the liv pickleball tour 175 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,286 From riyadh, where it's 110 degrees in the desert 176 00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,496 And the action's heating up. 177 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,499 But now it's time for competitive rock skipping! 178 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,169 They are really scraping the bottom of the barrel 179 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,712 For new sports content. 180 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,465 Yeah, and barrel scraping is up next. 181 00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,218 [announcer] here we have last year's champion, 182 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,929 Cletus spuckler, taking the shore. 183 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,181 Home viewers will notice 184 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,850 That's not the famous nike swoosh on his shoes 185 00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:59,644 But, rather, leeches on his bare feet. 186 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,063 Here comes the skip. 187 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,817 [audience gasping] 188 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,694 [announcer] 22 skips! 189 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,364 That's a throw worthy of the late, great doink anderson! 190 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,033 Interesting fact-- he left his widow nothing. 191 00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,660 Next up, homer simpson, 192 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:19,247 A first-timer but using the same equipment as these pros, 193 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,458 A flat rock he found on the ground. 194 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,210 [kisses, grunts] 195 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,299 -[announcer] 46 skips. -[audience exclaiming] 196 00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:33,762 This almost makes my hitchhiking here worth it. 197 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,389 [chuckling] 198 00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,891 [cheering] 199 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,893 This, this is what we do it for. 200 00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,353 The cheater's high. 201 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:44,481 You can feel the scam pulsing in your blood, 202 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,399 Like snorting lotto scratcher dust 203 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,944 Or being elected king of hamburger planet! 204 00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:52,656 You know, dad, all the times I cheated on stuff before-- 205 00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,783 School tests, covid tests-- 206 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,201 I always felt kind of bad about it, 207 00:08:56,203 --> 00:09:00,580 But cheating with you feels so right. 208 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,123 Can we do it one more time? 209 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,627 Son, we're never gonna stop doing it. 210 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,464 ♪ come on, let's get our cheat on, baby ♪ 211 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:13,760 ♪ no need to follow rules, we're lazy ♪ 212 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:19,432 ♪ order water but fill your cup with sprite ♪ 213 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:23,311 ♪ say you're in the army to preboard your flight ♪ 214 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:27,232 ♪ fake a corporate tweet to sell a stock short ♪ 215 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:31,027 ♪ take your pig to work as emotional support ♪ 216 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,362 ♪ we're a two-man scheming crew ♪ 217 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:37,200 ♪ cheating's our father-son glue ♪ 218 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,411 ♪ honestly, with honesty, we never got along ♪ 219 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:44,207 ♪ I raised you right by teaching you wrong ♪ 220 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:47,335 ♪ get a doctor's note for more time on the sat ♪ 221 00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:52,424 ♪ write your term paper with chatgpt ♪ 222 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:59,556 ♪ lose an election and call it unfair ♪ 223 00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:03,727 ♪ cut the roller coaster line with a rented wheelchair ♪ 224 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,981 ♪ I reckon you're my cheating soul brother ♪ 225 00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,317 ♪ cheat on anything ♪ 226 00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:13,194 ♪ but never each other ♪ 227 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:17,449 ♪ but never each other. ♪ [whoops] 228 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,451 Bart, I finally get 229 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,161 Why some dudes become dads on purpose. 230 00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:24,289 This has been the best week of my life. 231 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,498 Me, too! 232 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,417 And my life's not a barf-nado like yours. 233 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,546 Do you think it's a little strange 234 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,799 That your dad is suddenly winning all these contests 235 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,926 And giant prizes? 236 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,262 Yeah, I've noticed the same thing. 237 00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,599 I guess I just assumed that sports in america 238 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,392 Were getting much, much easier. 239 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,560 [homer] hey, honey. 240 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,604 Do you want this ladies' ghillie suit I won 241 00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,023 At the tobacco-spitting competition? 242 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,025 Homer, we need to talk. 243 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,526 Oh, I like when we talk. 244 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,237 I don't like when we need to talk. 245 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,031 You're sure winning a lot of activities 246 00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,241 You've never even tried before. 247 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,743 I'm sorry to ask this, but... 248 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,286 Are you cheating? 249 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,083 Oh, I can't lie to you. 250 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,459 Wait, that's a lie. 251 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,712 I can lie and I have, but I'm not going to now. 252 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,091 I am cheating, but not for prizes or glory. 253 00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,259 Me and bart are cheating together as a team. 254 00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,428 -It's our father-son thing. -[electrical buzzing] 255 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,056 [sighs] can't you do something else with bart, 256 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,350 Like coach his soccer team? 257 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,477 Soccer? You mean bribing refs? 258 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,311 Where's the challenge? 259 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,354 That's not the kind of cheating 260 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,148 That brings a dad and his son closer. 261 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,859 We have this special bond, like lavar and lonzo ball 262 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,196 Or cecil and prince fielder before they became estranged. 263 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,156 No, no, no, no, no, no. 264 00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,825 Cheating is wrong. 265 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,953 Maybe you should find another way to bond with your son, 266 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,037 Like just being a good dad. 267 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:49,457 Oh, where's the jet ski in that? 268 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,166 [growls] 269 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,960 Marge, you're always saying 270 00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,586 You want our kids to succeed. 271 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,297 Then maybe not cheating is cheating them. 272 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,758 Hmm. 273 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,260 Refresh. 274 00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:00,677 Nothing. 275 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,637 Refresh. 276 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,180 Still nothing. 277 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:04,931 Refresh. [gasps] 278 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,725 Spinny rainbow! 279 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,435 [gasps] nothing. 280 00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:08,935 [doorbell rings] 281 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,311 Lisa simpson, 282 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:14,023 I'm here from the university of springfield camp. 283 00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,067 And I'm very excited to tell you 284 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,862 That you've been accepted into our summer program. 285 00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,656 [gasps] I got in? 286 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,074 That's amazing! Oh! 287 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,118 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 288 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:29,122 It's so classy that you came to tell everybody in person. 289 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,416 As the rowing coach, I like to personally welcome 290 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,710 All the incoming members of our camp rowing team. 291 00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,128 What? Rowing? 292 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:38,256 Your application photos were amazing. 293 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,008 You can row anywhere in the shell-- 294 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,594 Stroke, bow, powerhouse. 295 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,763 Uh, what? 296 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,681 -What? -See you at camp. 297 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,266 Here's your henley! 298 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,563 [gasps] 299 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,107 [gasps loudly] 300 00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:01,613 [gasps] someone put doctored photos into my application! 301 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,532 And I know who. 302 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,326 ♪ 303 00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:10,789 [shrieks] 304 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,749 You cheated. 305 00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,125 For me! 306 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,628 What?! No, I didn't! 307 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,546 Honey, what's the matter? 308 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,299 Dad and bart put my head on an olympic rower's body 309 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,635 To cheat my way into camp! 310 00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,011 No, we didn't. Why would we help someone 311 00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,846 Who's already good at things? 312 00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,348 Now shut up. Dad's in the finals. 313 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,601 He could win an electric truck they converted back to gas. 314 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,439 You've already cheated at every dumb sport in the world! 315 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,609 I bet you're cheating at this dumb sport right now! 316 00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,569 [all gasp] 317 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:42,862 [thud] 318 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:43,905 [moleman] ow, my foot. 319 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,281 [quietly] lisa, shh. 320 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,743 A lot of these axe throwers have guns in their cars. 321 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,954 What are you afraid of, 322 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,831 That they'll see... 323 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,874 -This? -[gasping] 324 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,751 A magnet. 325 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:57,961 If you was cheating at this, 326 00:13:57,963 --> 00:14:00,797 I bet you cheated at all them other events 327 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,633 You surprisingly and illogically won. 328 00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:04,926 We were robbed! 329 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,303 Of our prizes and our dignity! 330 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,265 -[heavy metal music playing] -get 'em! 331 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:13,017 Stay back! I'm a champion axe thrower! 332 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,727 -[grunting] -[thud] 333 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,229 [moleman] ow, my stump. 334 00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,904 Don't let them cheaters get away! 335 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:25,864 Look, guys, you got us all wrong. 336 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,782 We didn't cheat! 337 00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:31,369 [quietly] quick, get on the atvs we won by cheating. 338 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,829 [laughs] 339 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,998 Looks like you just got cheated! 340 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,250 Out of your revenge! 341 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,223 [all sigh] 342 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,226 If you think I'm not mad anymore, you're wrong. 343 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,729 While we were escaping, I got even more mad! 344 00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,481 It's called multitasking. 345 00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,776 And it was one of the legitimate skills on my application. 346 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,237 Remember? The one you cheated on? 347 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,071 We didn't, I swear. 348 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:10,033 -Cheater's honor. -Oh, really? 349 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,327 Well, if you didn't, then who uploaded 350 00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:16,664 All those fake photos of me rowing so I could get into camp? 351 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:17,832 [marge] I did. 352 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:18,625 You? 353 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,835 You?! No, no. 354 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,462 It must've been me! 355 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,130 No, it was me. 356 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,382 But, marge, you're you. 357 00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,802 You're sweet, pure, incorruptible. 358 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,596 [gasps] dad, 359 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,798 We ruined mom. 360 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,433 No! No! 361 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,353 [retching] 362 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,858 What have I done? 363 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,527 Other than everything I know that I did? 364 00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,029 Yes, I cheated. 365 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,989 And you showed me how to do it. 366 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,825 But not to win a beef jerky dehydrator 367 00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,828 Or harley-davidson beard shampoo. 368 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,914 "if you want your kids to succeed, 369 00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,750 Then not cheating is cheating them." 370 00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,044 [retching] 371 00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:06,673 Mom, you also cheated me out of the chance 372 00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:08,466 To get in on my own merits! 373 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,760 I worked hard. 374 00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,470 I cleaned up the beach. 375 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,930 I taught old people how to email! 376 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:18,851 I was working with 72-point font! 377 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,896 Oh, this is all our fault. 378 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,773 Son, we made a terrible mistake. 379 00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,776 But we can learn and do better. 380 00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:30,613 Let's never, ever bond again. 381 00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,032 You're right. Never again. 382 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,868 Promise me this is the last time we hug. 383 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,287 I swear, dad. I swear. 384 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:38,955 There you is. 385 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,957 We never would've found you 386 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,583 If it weren't for all that guilt vomiting 387 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,794 We done heard. 388 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,629 Go ahead. Kill me. 389 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,089 Cleave my skull. 390 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,258 I don't deserve to live after corrupting 391 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,593 The only good person I've ever known. 392 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,220 I don't know about that. 393 00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,889 We was just gonna rough you up a little bit. 394 00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,725 Oh. Well, I mean, I... 395 00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,351 I guess we could kill you, 396 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,062 But you probably need to sign a waiver or something. 397 00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,273 [man] nobody is killing anyone. 398 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,899 [groaning] 399 00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,443 The simpsons are coming with us. 400 00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,485 [yelping] 401 00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,279 [grunts] 402 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,697 [tires screech] 403 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:16,993 You think we'll all stay friends after this or just drift apart? 404 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,165 Well, mm, drift apart it is. 405 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,128 Aw, this is the camp I wanted to go to. 406 00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,089 They must know about the fake application. 407 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,927 [chuckles] welcome, simpsons! 408 00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,137 I hope you don't mind that I had 409 00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,097 The university of springfield football team 410 00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:38,931 Bring you here. 411 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,601 Um, I want to apologize 412 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,061 For being party to a false application. 413 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:48,399 My mother and I need to have "the talk" about honesty. 414 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,234 Lisa, don't be mad at your mother. 415 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,862 It may surprise you to learn that this institution has 416 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:55,031 A proud tradition of embracing cheating. 417 00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:59,535 After all, this is university of springfield camp, 418 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,954 Usc. 419 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,832 Well... You're okay with me cheating? 420 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,919 Say it isn't so, dean belichick. 421 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,088 You think your application was the only one 422 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,131 With embellishments? Look at these. 423 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,468 This ten-year-old claims she performs open-heart surgery. 424 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,845 This 12-year old said it was her idea 425 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,556 To use big fat straws for boba tea. 426 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,974 And you know what? 427 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,393 [chuckles] we let them all in. 428 00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:26,395 [lisa gasps] 429 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,898 But I want to live an ethical life! 430 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,566 This is the world we live in. 431 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:31,609 Taxpayers hide money from the irs, 432 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,861 Dating profiles are nothing but lies, 433 00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:38,783 And right now the houston astros are dreaming up ways to cheat 434 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,368 That would blow your mind. 435 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,495 [homer yelps] 436 00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,454 So, here at usc, 437 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,664 We decided to own cheating 438 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:48,459 And prepare our students for the way the world is, 439 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,878 Not the way some would like it to be. 440 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,171 What do you say, lisa? 441 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,173 Will you accept our most prestigious 442 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,509 Lance armstrong summer scholarship? 443 00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:58,803 Am I risking everything I believe in 444 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,347 By refusing to do something I don't believe in? 445 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,182 [sighs] 446 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,101 I choose honesty. 447 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,227 I'm proud of you, honey. 448 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:09,313 Yep. Walking out the door. 449 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:13,651 Leaving this room and this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 450 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,694 [chuckles softly] 451 00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,529 Walking... Out. 452 00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:17,530 [strained] here I go. 453 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:20,449 [grunts] principles powering my feet. 454 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,617 [groans] 455 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,995 Would you like me to give you a little push? 456 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,496 Would you? 457 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,165 [exhales] 458 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:30,418 Let the rowing coach know we're sorry she was lied to. 459 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,252 [laughs] 460 00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,421 I think she may be used to it. 461 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,797 Homer, a moment? 462 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:38,926 I've been following your incredible streak of dishonesty. 463 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,636 [chuckles] very impressive. 464 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,722 So much so, I'd like to offer you a position 465 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:47,018 As a professor in our faculty of cheating studies. 466 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,853 What do you say? Will you shape the minds 467 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:52,190 Of tomorrow's white-collar criminals? 468 00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,609 No. 469 00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,361 For once, I learned something at college-- 470 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,738 A lesson. 471 00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,823 Cheating almost ruined my wife, 472 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,200 Who is all the love and goodness you can stuff 473 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,702 Inside a green dress. 474 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,079 I'll never cheat again. 475 00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:10,208 Except on diets. 476 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,337 Okay, 477 00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,215 Here's how you really skip a rock. 478 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,800 Oh, I used to be so good at this! 479 00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,719 Hey, where's bart? 480 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,138 He said he had an appointment every Thursday night 481 00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,015 From 7:00 to 9:00. 482 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,687 Students, look to your left, look to your right. 483 00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,607 Those are the people you'll be cheating off of. 484 00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,934 Captioning sponsored by 20th century fox television 485 00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,278 And fox broadcasting company 486 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,821 And toyota. 487 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:44,659 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org 488 00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:52,124 ♪ come on, let's get our cheat on, baby ♪ 489 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:55,753 ♪ no need to follow rules, we're lazy ♪ 490 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,756 ♪ you get results from hard work, but ♪ 491 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:02,260 ♪ why bother when there's a corner to cut? ♪ 492 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:05,721 ♪ when you sell your home, don't mention the mold ♪ 493 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:11,602 ♪ if you're gonna cheat, you gotta go bold ♪ 494 00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:16,065 ♪ record that spare as a strike ♪ 495 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:19,777 ♪ strap your fitbit to your bike ♪ 496 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,862 ♪ ain't nothing like cheating ♪ 497 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:25,074 ♪ to get the old heart beating ♪ 498 00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:27,493 ♪ cheat along, little doggie! ♪ [whoops] 499 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,249 Shh!