1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,138 Whee! 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,374 Uh-oh. Aah! 3 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,476 ♪ 4 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,543 D'oh! 5 00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,113 (grunts) 6 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,285 D'oh! 7 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,495 Sir, I've prepared your year-end finance report. 8 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,498 Initiate ocular scan mode. 9 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,900 Illuminate... 10 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,002 and recalibrate. 11 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,505 Gah! Unthinkable! The horror! 12 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,872 This is the first year my earnings 13 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,040 are lower than the year before. 14 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,509 I'm sorry, sir. 15 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,344 These days, enlightened people like solar, 16 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,413 and the consciously evil prefer fracking. 17 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,248 (sputters) Wh-Why, if this continues, 18 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,883 in 150 years I'll be out on the street. 19 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:52,086 Sir, sir, sir, I'm sure there's some sort 20 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,854 of inessential line item 21 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,423 -that no one will miss. -Mm-hmm. 22 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:57,024 Effective immediately: 23 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,260 children's health care will be cut from workers' benefits. 24 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,295 (booing) 25 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:10,904 This meeting is over. God bless the United States of America 26 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,706 and release the hounds. 27 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,642 (barking) 28 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:17,378 Oh, I got three kids, and they've all got health. 29 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,079 I am so cursed. 30 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,415 That's what you get for having a family. 31 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,751 (chuckles) I'm gonna die like I lived: 32 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,853 nice and lonely. 33 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:29,923 (chuckles) Sweet. 34 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:35,329 Maybe we can get the kids government health care. 35 00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:38,566 Oh, sorry, Marge, that's gone, remember? 36 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,669 Because of those corporate tax cuts we all wanted? 37 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,304 I didn't want them. 38 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:46,274 (laughs): You say so now, but I remember you back then. 39 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,776 (high-pitched voice): "Ooh, corporate tax cuts. 40 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,179 Makers not takers." 41 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:54,014 Oh, every time Ann Coulter has a cold, 42 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,016 you think she's me. 43 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,519 I'm sorry, honey. We'll just have to cut back 44 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,020 on the kids' meds. 45 00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,856 Back in my day, children didn't need no meds! 46 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,592 You just gave 'em a slug of whiskey 47 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,926 and sent 'em off to school. 48 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,695 And if they lost their snowshoe, 49 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,697 you'd beat 'em with the other one! 50 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:13,534 That's how we raised the generation that lost Vietnam. 51 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:16,470 Bart, your old attention deficit disorder medicine 52 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,872 isn't covered by insurance anymore, 53 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:22,142 so we'll have to use a cheaper drug that's just as good. 54 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,011 So goodbye, Focusyn. 55 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,580 Hello, Chillaxodol. 56 00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:29,517 Mm. 57 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:33,221 Mom, I was just on hypochondria.edu, 58 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,356 and I think you should see something. 59 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,059 Are you giving your precious child 60 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:43,497 the generic ADD medication Chillaxodol? 61 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:44,832 Yes. Why? 62 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,535 Your child may experience unwanted side effects, 63 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,471 including headaches... 64 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,640 painful spasms... 65 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:53,974 (babbling) 66 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,543 ...dry mouth... 67 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,910 (gasps) Ah. 68 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,513 -...and whiskers... -Mm! 69 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,815 ...musical flatulence... 70 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,484 (farting rhythmically) 71 00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,153 ...involuntary Memphis juking... 72 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,856 ♪ 73 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,858 ...sudden relocation... 74 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,726 MARGE: Hmm? Mm. 75 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,496 ...and a symptom that can only be described 76 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,398 as "dolphining." 77 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,099 (squeaking) 78 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,669 (gasps) 79 00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,371 If you or a loved one 80 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,606 is experiencing any of these side effects, 81 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,575 you would do well to remember 82 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,877 that life is heartless and brutal, 83 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,746 and the cosmos is indifferent to us all. 84 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:36,049 I'd say goodbye, but what's the point? 85 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,119 (horn honks) 86 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,554 -(tires screech) -(thud) 87 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,123 Without insurance, we'll just have to go to... 88 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,726 (sighs) Dr. Nick. 89 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,127 Sorry, everybody. 90 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,798 Remember, if at any time you become a dog, 91 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,233 then I can medicine you. 92 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,469 No hope. There's no hope here. 93 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:01,041 Hmm. "The healing magic of crystals." 94 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,678 (sighs) Well, I've tried everything else. 95 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,918 Shalom, kind queen. 96 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,554 I mean the "hello" shalom, but also the "peace" one. 97 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,923 How can I soothe you? 98 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,158 Wow. That was a lot just now. 99 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:22,496 But yet it's only a snippet of the cosmic conversation. 100 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,732 Look, my son is having bad side effects 101 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,400 from his ADD meds. 102 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,469 His father wants him to join football 103 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,638 for a nice, calming concussion. 104 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,640 I have just the thing for you. 105 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,141 Crystals? 106 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,477 Healing crystals. 107 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,512 I am pretty desperate. 108 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,581 Crystals are a timeless database 109 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,451 of energy, knowledge and sparkling. 110 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,486 Scientists are finally waking up 111 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,255 to what pyramids have known all along. 112 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,692 (like Dracula): I vant to suck your money. 113 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:55,696 Uh, maybe I could just buy a couple rocks and go. 114 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,498 Oh, they're more than rocks. 115 00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:00,033 They make great stocking stuffers. 116 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,369 And for Hanukkah? 117 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,670 Uh, useless. 118 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,204 (scraping nearby) 119 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,238 MARGE: Hey. 120 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,880 Bart, it's time for your ADD treatment. 121 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,348 Aah... 122 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,384 aah, aah, aah. 123 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,318 Hmm, maybe he's a little overtrained. 124 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,887 It's not a pill. 125 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,288 Ooh, a suppository. 126 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,656 Fill 'er up. 127 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,725 It's not a drug. 128 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,927 I want you to try these. 129 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,363 Hmm... 130 00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,435 (explosion) 131 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,170 I believe. 132 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,007 (humming a tune) 133 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,076 "A" paper by Lisa. "A" paper by Lisa. 134 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,479 "A" paper by Bart. 135 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:48,482 An "A"? Oh, my gosh, Bart! 136 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,584 Could it really be the crystals? 137 00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,820 Yes, definitely the crystals. 138 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,922 You really got an "A"? 139 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,657 No white-out. 140 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,659 The answers are actually correct. 141 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,761 Maybe he really did the work. 142 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:04,331 Or maybe he cheated, and I have to find out how. 143 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,200 Whoa! Someone could use a chill-out crystal. 144 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,703 It's made by your boyfriend, Lis: the Earth! 145 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,705 Lisa has a boyfriend? 146 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,707 And this is how I find out? 147 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:16,376 I don't know which of you two is dumber. 148 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:20,614 So I'm a bit of a mystery, huh? Huh? 149 00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:22,115 (school bell ringing) 150 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,017 Marge, I heard Bart got an "A." 151 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,720 -How'd you do it? -Can you keep a secret? 152 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:29,122 Unless it's about a person, yes. 153 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,624 It was crystals. 154 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:31,892 Crystals, huh? 155 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,694 I could use some of those for Kirk. 156 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,463 I want to seed the bed with them, 157 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,297 so he doesn't crawl over to me. 158 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,933 No worries. I'll pick up more on my way home. 159 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,304 Oh, no, what happened? 160 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,707 I'm closing the store. A cot finally opened up 161 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,643 in this cult I've been trying to get into. 162 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,378 Congratulations, I guess. 163 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,146 Can I still buy crystals? 164 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,582 Just take 'em. 165 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,985 In fact, you can have my entire inventory. 166 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,419 Thank you. 167 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,691 Now, enter my chariot to Heaven. 168 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,761 Are you sure about this? 169 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:11,398 Of course! I'm ascending to a higher level of being. 170 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,000 Now, sisters, 171 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:16,837 let us Sharpie in the whites of our eyes. 172 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,839 (Sharpies squeaking) 173 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,874 MARGE: Oh, wow. 174 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:27,180 "Before passing on to a new owner, 175 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,617 "crystals should be cleared of their old energy 176 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,920 with a combination of water and sulfur." 177 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,723 Which is just what comes out of our tap! 178 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,531 The crystals got Kirk a new job. 179 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,932 With a uniform! 180 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,267 That's right, I'm a batboy. 181 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,468 (chuckles) 182 00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:50,704 Nelson got an "A" on his test! 183 00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:54,107 This is going right up on the refrigerator in the front yard. 184 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,644 Marge, we need more crystals. 185 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:02,049 MARGE: I'm not even 100% sure these things work. 186 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,151 Should I really be selling them? 187 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,621 You know, these just might make me stop drinking. 188 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,390 I guess I should. 189 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,593 I'm gonna grind 'em up and snort 'em. 190 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,198 ♪ 191 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,570 Marge, another "A" in my class for Bart. 192 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,739 I'm so impressed that a boy with Bart's jiggly-wigglies 193 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,141 could be cured by this pagan hogwash. 194 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,410 You can't argue with facts. 195 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,746 Oh, dear, we're running low on obsidian. 196 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,815 Almost out of moon potion. 197 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,017 And there's no more brain powder. 198 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,920 I can sell you brain powder in bulk. 199 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,489 Here's whose brain the powder is from. 200 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,225 It's a cow, but a very smart one. 201 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,194 Hmm. What else do you sell? 202 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,262 Oh, massage stones, copper bracelets, 203 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,598 dream catchers, 204 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,666 dream catcher filter replacements. 205 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,702 This old one is full of dreams. 206 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,670 I don't see anything in it. 207 00:08:56,704 --> 00:09:00,340 Don't you see it? Your dream of being a massive success? 208 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,842 You see it? Right there. See it? 209 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,510 -Mm-mmm. -Right there. See it? 210 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,046 I think I am starting to see it. 211 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,781 Are you sure? Do you really? 212 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,049 I see it! 213 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,450 Yeah, okay, bring it down. 214 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,219 Less Oprah, more Chopra. 215 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:15,522 I see it. I guess I could expand my product line. 216 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,625 Then I can really start making my own money, 217 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,027 not be dependent on Homer. 218 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,962 Did I hear "not dependent on Homer"? 219 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:24,965 Boom. Retired. 220 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,800 You should still go in to work. 221 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,302 I don't think I even remember how to get there. 222 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,138 You were just there today. 223 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,140 (elderly voice): Feels like that, doesn't it? 224 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,842 (Marge grumbles) 225 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,978 Here at MURMUR, we have everything 226 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,980 a holistic mother might need. 227 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,148 Cactus milk. 228 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,816 Wicker birthing chairs. 229 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,251 Fairy traps. 230 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,986 Tibetan singing bowls. 231 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,455 (playing dissonant melody) 232 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,763 (Santa's Little Helper howls) 233 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,497 Are these macaroons free-range? 234 00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:01,334 Yes. Only made from coconuts that fall from the tree 235 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,437 or are gently coaxed by woke monkeys. 236 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,506 I'm sorry, Marge, 237 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,175 I'm gonna have to shut you down. 238 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,410 You don't have a retail business license. 239 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,513 Well, Chief, do I really need a license 240 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:17,184 to sell that hemp body lotion Sarah likes so much? 241 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,120 And which is free to you? 242 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,521 Ooh, I like it, too! 243 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,724 But I'm gonna need more than that. 244 00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,560 Hmm. 245 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:30,563 Mm... hmm. 246 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,134 Mm. (chuckles) 247 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,303 HOMER: Oh, Marge! 248 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,205 (whoops) 249 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,574 I've only done this before with Monopoly money and salami! 250 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,377 Where'd it go? 251 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,513 It's all right here, baby. 252 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,218 We made $1,000 today. 253 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,120 What's that without the cost of goods? 254 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,555 $998. 255 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,290 (gasps) I love you. 256 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,726 (moans) 257 00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,728 ♪ Ain't it beautiful ♪ 258 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,662 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 259 00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:06,333 ♪ Crystal blue persuasion ♪ 260 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,675 ♪ Better get ready ♪ 261 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:20,180 ♪ Gonna see the light ♪ 262 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:25,152 ♪ Love, love is the answer ♪ 263 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,487 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 264 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,622 ♪ And that's all right ♪ 265 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,395 ♪ So don't you give up now ♪ 266 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,596 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 267 00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,867 ♪ So easy to find ♪ 268 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,604 ♪ Just look to your soul ♪ 269 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,273 ♪ Look to your soul ♪ 270 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,376 ♪ And open your mind ♪ 271 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,750 ♪ 272 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,728 -Meep... -(growls) 273 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:16,837 ♪ Crystal blue persuasion, mmm. ♪ 274 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,206 (slurps) 275 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,374 So, those crystals 276 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:24,377 must really be uncloggin' your noggin, huh? 277 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,981 Yep. They're making math problems like 60 + 63 278 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,649 as easy as 1-2-3. 279 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,886 Mm. And what is 60 + 63? 280 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,321 Oh. Um... 281 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,123 It's 1-2-3! 282 00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,091 BART: Ay, caramba! 283 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,094 I'll figure out your scam. 284 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,429 Sorry, Lis, 285 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:45,765 I can't hear you over the bowl. 286 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,434 (sustained note) 287 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,270 You won't get away with it! 288 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,005 I will stop you! 289 00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,341 Because this is not... (grunts) 290 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,009 Oh, oh. 291 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,344 Singing bowl, 292 00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,813 you are so peaceful. 293 00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:00,981 (cash register dings) 294 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,516 Luann bought $60 worth 295 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,018 of organic blackberries today. 296 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,220 I hope she enjoys both of them. 297 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,523 I need this for shopping. 298 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,360 And this for a rainy day. 299 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,696 Do I hear thunder? 300 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,033 Namaste. 301 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,035 We're closed. 302 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:25,939 What part of "namaste" don't you understand? 303 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,707 I'm gonna need you to can it, Marge. 304 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,376 My name is Piper Paisley. 305 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,610 Do I know you? 306 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,213 I have a healing beauty relaxorium in Shelbyville. 307 00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:34,714 Perhaps you've heard of PLOP. 308 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:38,485 Well, it's wonderful to meet a fellow entrepreneuse. 309 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:40,720 Is it? If I wasn't Botoxed as hell, 310 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:42,755 I'd be frowning at you right now. 311 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,025 (snaps) 312 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,827 (gasps) East? 313 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,396 That's a solstice stone, 314 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,431 not an equinox stone. 315 00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:56,703 Just nama-stay out of my business. 316 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,913 Marge, honey, you've got to be careful. 317 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,680 She means business. 318 00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,151 Oh, look what it says. 319 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,986 This means war. 320 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,821 Marge, don't say that! 321 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,257 I got into this business because of the kids, 322 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,259 but now I like it. 323 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,593 You know what? 324 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:23,931 I'm going to open up a kiosk in the Shelbyville Mall. 325 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,532 On her turf! 326 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,867 ♪ 327 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,674 Ugh! 328 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,109 You don't belong there! 329 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,710 What happened to that hoverboard guy? 330 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,812 Marge made me a better offer! 331 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,286 You know you can't do this, right-- 332 00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,956 build a competing kiosk in the same escalator dump-out zone? 333 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,123 (chuckles): I mean, 334 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,458 you can't. 335 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,827 There's no more law and order in malls. 336 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,264 (whimpers) Aah! 337 00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,867 You've been living in my kiosk? 338 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,735 If you call that living. 339 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:06,039 Well, well, Bart, another "A." 340 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,807 (chuckles) 341 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,377 Looks like I brought my average up to a "D." 342 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,845 (school bell rings) 343 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,748 (chuckles) 344 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,252 (mysterious jazz playing) 345 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,325 (grunts) 346 00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,964 Now to test my theory. 347 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,501 Aha! 348 00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,603 What the hell are you doing? 349 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,338 I know what you did, Bart Simpson. 350 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,340 It's crystal clear. 351 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,609 You hid the Gettysburg Address 352 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,611 in a poster right by your desk, 353 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,880 which you could read when Milhouse distracted Flanders. 354 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,417 (sniffing) 355 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,885 (groaning) 356 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,522 (Flanders gasps) 357 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,557 (mysterious jazz begins playing) 358 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,461 Pure coincidence. 359 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,963 I put all the times tables in Newton's wig. 360 00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,466 And look what I hid in the apple. 361 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,136 Ew! 362 00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,970 You know, it would have been far easier 363 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:13,040 just to study and get an "A." 364 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,874 Yeah, but what's the point of that? 365 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,576 I'm telling Dad. 366 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,046 Not today. I got my book club. 367 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,447 A Confederacy of Dunces. 368 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,881 Ooh, is that the book? 369 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,882 No, that's who's coming: 370 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:25,318 Lenny, Carl, Barney, Moe. 371 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:28,221 The book we read was, uh, The Girl with the Dragon Something. 372 00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,323 -I didn't get through the title. -Yeah, me neither. 373 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,693 It was just as boring as Tinker Tailor Something Something. 374 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:34,994 Well, cancel the book club, 375 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,797 'cause Bart has something he has to tell Mom. 376 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,332 Why? 377 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,801 You don't realize how bad this is, do you? 378 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,572 You betrayed the one person who still believes in you. 379 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,673 The dog believes in me. 380 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,508 Ruh-ruh. 381 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:49,909 Don't you get it? 382 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,512 Who's the person that's always there when you need it? 383 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:53,846 ("I'll Always Love My Mama" by the Intruders playing) 384 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,649 ♪ I'll always love my mama ♪ 385 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,219 ♪ She's my favorite girl ♪ 386 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,756 -♪ I'll always love my mama. ♪ -(school bell rings) 387 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,158 Oh, my God. 388 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,759 She's shown me nothing but love. 389 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,661 How do I make this guilt go away? 390 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,929 Tell her the truth. 391 00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,498 No, that's not it. Keep pitching. 392 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,499 No, that is it! 393 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,700 Oh, fine! 394 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,568 Now, looky here. 395 00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,004 I learned Swedish to read this here book, 396 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,274 and we are gonna discuss it. 397 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,443 Nordic noir is known for its plain language 398 00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,044 and absence of metaphors. 399 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,379 Dig deeper. 400 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:27,714 (stammers) The novel reflects, 401 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,449 implicitly and explicitly, gaps between rhetoric 402 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,883 and practice in Swedish policy. 403 00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,752 (panting) 404 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:33,853 That'll do nicely. 405 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,123 Who wants cake? 406 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,826 I said, who wants cake? 407 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,398 Our day of kiosk combat begins. 408 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:48,968 My sisters abuse Piper's free sample policy. 409 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:52,972 Mmm. I smell like the smoking area of a nice resort. 410 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:54,974 Schmear me like a bagel. 411 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,976 (both chuckle) 412 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,311 Now, phase two. 413 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:01,314 The one force no kiosk can withstand: 414 00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,483 a confused old person. 415 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,152 Somewhere in me is a yoni egg. 416 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,653 I think it might be hatching. 417 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,321 Uh, they don't hatch. 418 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,690 Can you take that chance? 419 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,895 Mom, I'm sorry. 420 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,064 I wasn't getting As because of the crystals. 421 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,666 I lied. 422 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,801 ♪ 423 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,506 This crystal don't work! 424 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,508 Nelson got detention, 425 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:32,745 and I got demoted from stripper to topless valet. 426 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,081 Kirk crawled over these and made his way to me. 427 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,516 Three times. 428 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:37,850 (sighs) 429 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,387 One last thing to do. 430 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,357 That's not the egg I was thinking of. 431 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:46,025 Keep looking. 432 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,461 Stop, stop. Piper, stop. 433 00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:49,996 You win. 434 00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:51,964 I don't belong in this mall 435 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:55,134 with all these legitimate businesses. 436 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,536 (cackles) 437 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,371 I win! (chuckles) 438 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,039 I win. Me. 439 00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:02,041 I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm very competitive. 440 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,710 Have you tried rose quartz? 441 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,213 Let me ask you something. Do I look like an idiot? 442 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,381 (chuckles) Ooh, I love your handbag. 443 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,782 Well, thank you. 444 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,018 No prob, babe. I win. 445 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,921 (energetic music playing) 446 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,127 Marge, honey, I'm glad you're home. 447 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,562 I've been thinking. 448 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:26,132 I want to be more than just Mr. Mrs. Homer Simpson. 449 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,734 I want to get a job. 450 00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,402 You have a job. 451 00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:32,004 I know. Raising the kids and looking fabulous. 452 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,406 But I thought it would be nice 453 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,742 to have somewhere to go every day. 454 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,410 You work at the power plant. 455 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:40,247 They call every morning and say, "Where are you?" 456 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,514 So you're not mad? 457 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,350 Oh, I love you! Mwah! 458 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,751 Thank you for understanding. 459 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,219 (chuckling): Oh... 460 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,524 (ominous music plays) 461 00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,996 Excuse me. 462 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,165 I have a friend I think is here. 463 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,001 Um, I just wanted to make sure she's okay. 464 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,003 Marge. Good to see you. 465 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,005 But, really, not necessary. 466 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,774 Because everything here is... 467 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:10,076 Run! Run! 468 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,579 -(rapid gunfire) -What's happening here?! 469 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,247 I thought you were just getting massages! 470 00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:15,615 Those were good. 471 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,450 But the other stuff is... (shudders) 472 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,421 Blow up the bridge. 473 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:22,655 (explosion) 474 00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,137 Shh!