1 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,605 ♪ 2 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,653 Scientists have determined that the secret to a long life 3 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,822 is to drink lots of coffee... 4 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,557 or no coffee at all. 5 00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,326 Now, it's time to kill time with 6 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,161 "This Day in Springfield History." 7 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,830 1906: We become the first flyover state 8 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,599 when the Wright Brothers ignore us 9 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,068 on a voyage from Ohio to Kentucky. 10 00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:37,071 1945: Peace breaks out 11 00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:39,540 and Montgomery Burns fires his female employees. 12 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:43,944 1961: As the rest of America rockets into the new frontier, 13 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:47,381 Springfield unveils a fleet of school busses. 14 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:51,619 These buses are bursting with American technology. 15 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,888 Grooved rubber mats, and an emergency door 16 00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:57,958 that any child could accidentally open 17 00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,794 and fall 15 feet to the street. 18 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,896 (crowd cheering) 19 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,932 ♪ 20 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,238 (excited chatter) 21 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,072 Lis, wish me luck. I'm going for 22 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:14,142 the lunch-boxing middleweight title. 23 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,743 (sighs) What does it matter? 24 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,911 You'll never unify the belts. 25 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,647 (all grunting) 26 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,049 Okay, champ, remember your game plan: 27 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:26,120 lead with your Krusty, then jab-jab-jab with my Eeyore. 28 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,958 Work the vest and the head will die. 29 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,262 -(bell clangs) -(cheering) 30 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,668 ♪ 31 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,673 ♪ Each day this bus 32 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,075 ♪ Is home to chaos 33 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,011 ♪ That little boy is mooning me ♪ 34 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,013 ♪ This ride's a living hell 35 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,648 ♪ Right to the morning bell 36 00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:58,152 ♪ Please tell me that that puddle isn't pee ♪ 37 00:01:58,186 --> 00:02:00,188 I'm taking care of this goldfish. 38 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,989 ♪ All I would ask 39 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,124 ♪ Is just one friend to ride with ♪ 40 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,127 ♪ And please not Milhouse or Kearney ♪ 41 00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,297 Don't drag me into your lonely song. 42 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,165 ♪ Another girl who's smart 43 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,100 ♪ With kindness in her heart 44 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,136 ♪ Someone who's just exactly just like... ♪ 45 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,138 She? 46 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:28,115 Do we always have to have the TV on during dinner? 47 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,150 This is a special night, sweetie. 48 00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:32,186 We've all been waiting for... 49 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,990 HOMER/MARGE/BART: Beast Blaster! 50 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:40,127 Welcome back to the U.S. Ninja Ultimate Beast Blaster, 51 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,897 where U.S. ninjas fight to become the ultimate beast. 52 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,033 By defeating the ultimate beast, 53 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:50,204 an obstacle course we call "The Ultimate Monster." 54 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:53,707 Well, I saw a cool girl from the bus today. 55 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,543 It's weird-- I don't know her, 56 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,578 but I feel like we could be friends. 57 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,012 Yeah, you're right, I think Marcus 58 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,181 is gonna take it all this year. 59 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,217 Mm-hmm. He's got the best narrative. 60 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,520 He's doing it for his buddies at MacDill Air Force Base. 61 00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:09,690 -MacDill! -(sighs) 62 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,592 This is your fifth attempt to slay the monster. 63 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,060 Can you give us the thoughts 64 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,662 that are going through your mind? 65 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,897 (shrieking) 66 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,932 Hmm. Isn't the first rule of ninja 67 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,868 to be silent and invisible? 68 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,404 Shh. Watching other people live full lives 69 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,506 is our family activity. 70 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:29,377 That girl I saw out the bus window was playing the clarinet. 71 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,944 The clarinet. 72 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:34,047 The saxophone's cool black friend. Yeah-- 73 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,616 Oh, my God, what a fail! 74 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,217 (groaning) 75 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,219 (sighing) 76 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,221 (yelling) 77 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,923 HOMER/MARGE/BART: Ooh! 78 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,225 I never gave up, and I taught my kids 79 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:47,628 to follow their dreams. 80 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,730 Oh, no. Daddy can't hug anymore. No-no-no. 81 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,802 Don't look up. This bus is too depressing. 82 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:58,005 Backpack attack! 83 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,112 Ugh. It smells like Milhouse's back. 84 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:08,115 Lisa knows what my back smells like. 85 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,117 Hamster volleyball. (grunts) 86 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,785 (hamster squeaking) 87 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:14,121 You lose. Lisa counts as floor. 88 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,156 That's it. There's gotta be a better place. 89 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,926 Otto. Stop the bus. I wanna get off. 90 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,094 You're the boss. 91 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,130 Can we get some ice cream? 92 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,098 I'm not that crazy. Yogurt. 93 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:27,067 (cheering) 94 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,103 Oh, my God. I'm in that other girl's neighborhood. 95 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:33,674 Without the baggage of being Lisa Simpson. 96 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,943 BART: Yo. Sis-boom-blah. Little help? 97 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,745 Go. Go live. 98 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,080 Go love. Multiply. 99 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,582 (hawk screeches) 100 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,617 ♪ 101 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,958 Look at all these boutiques. 102 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,793 I've never been in a neighborhood 103 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:56,296 where the parking lots were behind the stores. 104 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:59,132 (gasps) This is her house. 105 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,168 (girl crying) 106 00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,971 (groans softly) 107 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,139 (doorbell rings) 108 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:10,177 Hello? Hello? 109 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:13,647 -♪ -Huh? Hmm. 110 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,851 Oh. Ooh. 111 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,653 (gasps): Whoa. 112 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,523 Hello? It's me, the girl on the bus! 113 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:27,327 Um, I'm moving past the tasteful craftsman fixtures, 114 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:30,798 the eco-conscious lighting that turns on when I enter 115 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,033 and turns off when I leave. 116 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,835 And now the jade tree, 117 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,137 which I'm watering just a little. 118 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,007 GIRL (crying): Oh, no. 119 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:44,378 (crying) 120 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,814 Hi, don't be afraid. I'm Lisa. 121 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,416 I saw you from my school bus. 122 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,418 At least, I think it was you. 123 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:54,054 (imitates bus rumbling, tires squealing) 124 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,724 -Why were you crying? -Because I just read 125 00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:01,529 the Pacific garbage patch grew to 600,000 square miles. 126 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,831 -(gasps) -So then I put on "The Dolphin" 127 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,433 by Stan Getz to cheer up. 128 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:09,069 But it was so beautiful I cried even more. 129 00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:12,039 You are just like the friend I've described 130 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,041 to so many wishing wells. 131 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:17,077 By the way, I play the saxophone. 132 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:20,080 Here. Take one. 133 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,550 (playing "The Dolphin") 134 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:28,689 Wait a minute-- this is gonna end badly, isn't it? 135 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,691 That's just what I was thinking. 136 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,693 We have so much in common. 137 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,595 ♪ 138 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,034 So what do you do, Mrs. Monroe? 139 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,903 I'm a marine biologist. 140 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,038 I was in an improv group and asked the audience 141 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:48,241 for an occupation, and I just fell in love with the work. 142 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:51,445 I yes-and-ed myself into a career. 143 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:52,980 More seitan gumbo, Lisa? 144 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,082 The rice is conflict-free. 145 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,217 Yes. It's not to die for. 146 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,086 (both laugh) 147 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:02,556 Oh, your mother keeps a journal of what you say? 148 00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:05,125 She'll wear these pearls forever. 149 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,094 Oh, that's good. 150 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:09,930 (sighs): Oh... 151 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:14,101 ♪ Some others I've seen 152 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:18,238 ♪ Might never be mean 153 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,474 BOTH: ♪ Might never be cross 154 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:22,409 ♪ Or try to be boss 155 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,277 ♪ But they wouldn't do 156 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,346 (phone vibrates) 157 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,949 ♪ For nobody else 158 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,151 ♪ Gave me a thrill 159 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,786 ♪ With all your faults 160 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,187 ♪ I love you still 161 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,590 BOTH: ♪ It had to be you 162 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,592 ♪ Wonderful you 163 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,761 ♪ It had to be you. 164 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,796 ♪ 165 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,635 BOTH: Mmm. 166 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:50,003 -I love you. -I love you. 167 00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:55,375 You do not say "suck" at the dinner table! 168 00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,444 But veggie loaf does suck. 169 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,713 It sucks a whole truck full of butts. 170 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,615 You leave trucks out of this. 171 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,150 Just eat your loafs. 172 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,152 How was dinner with your friend, honey? 173 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,954 Suck, suck, suckity, suck, suckity, suck. 174 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,056 -It's, uh, a little different, I'd say. -Suck, suck, suck, suck. 175 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,858 -Not better. Just different. -Suck, suck, suck, suck... 176 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,225 Can I ask a question? 177 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,094 Shh. I wanna see this. 178 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,798 Dina and Lucas have never met each other, 179 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,800 but by the time this roller coaster 180 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,870 goes down this final hill, they'll be married. 181 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:26,006 So, what do you do for fun? 182 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,810 LUCAS: I'm making a hammock of human hair! 183 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,911 Boy, pass the salt. 184 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,145 Coming right up. 185 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:34,181 -Oh! -(laughs) 186 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,716 You did that on purpose. 187 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,651 Well, I'm not giving you the satisfaction. 188 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,152 Excuse me, I have a question. 189 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,253 Not now! 190 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,155 LUCAS: I like your hair! 191 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,124 DINA: Ah, get me out of here. 192 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,360 (Lisa groans) 193 00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,931 Oh, this is so good. Mmm. Oh, just the way I like it. 194 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,433 Mmm. Salty. So salty. 195 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,435 (Grampa's voice): Aging rapidly. 196 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,204 Where's Charlie Rose? 197 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,506 (grumbling indistinctly) 198 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,575 (laughing) 199 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,543 Please, one simple question. 200 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,078 What is it? 201 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,081 Why do we have to eat dinner together every night? 202 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,685 Because it's good for the damn family. 203 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:14,688 Now, Lisa, I know you're a vegetarian. 204 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:17,557 Do you mind if we eat this in front of you? 205 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:20,127 Oh, no. No. Not at all. 206 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,730 And the fact that you would even ask how I felt-- 207 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:25,232 I don't need dessert, because you being considerate 208 00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,234 is sweet enough. 209 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:31,038 -Well put. -So well put. 210 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:35,042 Judging from you, I'm sure your family is just as delightful 211 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,378 and rinfrescante come la brezza del lago di Como. 212 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:42,282 (giggling): Yes, my family. 213 00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:45,052 I try not to brag about them. 214 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,954 More coconut water, please. 215 00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:54,294 Such a shame that we'll never, ever meet them. 216 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:57,164 -How come? -We're going to be moving soon. 217 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,066 My research grant came through. 218 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,068 Sam's father studies the harmful effects 219 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,136 of family relocation on children. 220 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,272 Takes me all over the world. 221 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,574 So I guess you'll never meet my parents. 222 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,477 So we'll only know them through what you say right now. 223 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,145 Right. Now. 224 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:15,082 Well, my father... 225 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,951 works with his hands; he's a sculptor. 226 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,086 And your mother? 227 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:22,022 Mother is a chemist. 228 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,658 And I have a sister, too. 229 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:28,862 She's a professor of non-linguistic communication. 230 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:31,665 Has a high chair. 231 00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,901 Fascinating. Do you have any brothers? 232 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,770 Nope. 233 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,105 MAN (over radio): My point is, 234 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,673 there are many scientists who have questions 235 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,341 -about global warming. -TERRY: Well, that's 236 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,343 an interesting perspective, Congressman. 237 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:47,147 Ooh. You can tell Terry Gross is really mad at this guy. 238 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:51,051 Oh-oh-oh-oh, you can just let me off right here. 239 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,153 No, no, no. We'll go right to your house. 240 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,988 Maybe I can meet your father. 241 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,123 Ah, you sure can. 242 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,958 Hey, there he is! 243 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,492 Hi-diddly-ho! 244 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,061 Daddy! 245 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,963 (whispers): Just go with it. 246 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,832 God bless you and, as I like to say, 247 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,133 a hearty woo-hoo! 248 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,702 Well, God bless you, Mr. Simpson. 249 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,741 I hate stupid Flanders! 250 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,242 Annoyed grunt, annoyed grunt! 251 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,977 (whispers): Thank you. 252 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,747 (imitating Homer): Mmm... deception. 253 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,048 (rings doorbell) 254 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,816 I got you a goodbye present. 255 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,018 I'm really good at goodbye presents. 256 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,354 Ordered this the day I met you. 257 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:30,223 Well, I got you a Rubik's Cube. Solve it. 258 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,359 (mumbling softly) 259 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,594 (gasps) What?! 260 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,163 My government grant was rescinded 261 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:39,032 to pay for an exit latch on a new fighter plane. 262 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,935 The good news is, now we can meet your wonderful mother. 263 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:45,739 Oh. That is exactly what you could do... 264 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,775 ♪ 265 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,078 ...if I wasn't here to tell you 266 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,181 my parents are going to Portugal. 267 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,017 -(gasps) Oh! We love Portugal! -(frustrated grunt) 268 00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,187 Let me call them with our top ten pastelaria! 269 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,056 I mean, Portugal is their layover 270 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,258 when they connect to... 271 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,595 ...Lithuania! 272 00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,130 Have you been to Lithuania? 273 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:13,033 No. And it is quite a sore spot. 274 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,135 Lisa, I'll miss you. 275 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,937 Oh, no, I'm not going with them. 276 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,039 I'm staying with my... grandfather. 277 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,874 That sounds right. 278 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,743 -Why don't you stay with us? -Stay with your family? 279 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,146 In this home full of art and culture 280 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,148 and you got a miniature horse? 281 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,750 It's a rare breed that gets cuter as it ages. 282 00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:32,319 Aw, oh... 283 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,621 So, what do you say? 284 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,957 LISA: Okay, that's it. I've been piling lie upon lie 285 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,225 like a bad French farce. 286 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,060 (French accent): So what is one more? 287 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,229 (French chuckle): Wah, wah, waah. 288 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,832 ♪ 289 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:49,837 Okay, I will come over here every night at 7:30 after my... 290 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,472 swimming lessons. 291 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:56,109 But also, I have to leave at 6:30 every morning for my... 292 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,979 morning swimming lessons. 293 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,113 You're a swimmer, Lisa. 294 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,116 We would never presume to question your schedule. 295 00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,853 ♪ 296 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:12,325 ♪ 297 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,608 How was your swimming lesson? 298 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,610 It went swimmingly! 299 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,012 -(chuckles) -(Lisa humming a tune) 300 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,214 (hounds snarling) 301 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,249 ♪ 302 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,725 Wake up, sleepyhead. 303 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,127 (yawns) 304 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,863 Oh. Dressed so fast. 305 00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:53,100 Well, when you wear the same thing every day, it's easy. 306 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:56,536 (snoring) 307 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,005 (gasps) What? Huh? 308 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,240 You were sleeping like teacher. 309 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,677 Oh, Ralph. I'm deceiving all the people I love, 310 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,814 and it's so exciting. 311 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:11,084 Lies are like stars-- they always come out. 312 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,853 Oh, my God, that's really profound. 313 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,989 I have five face holes. 314 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,690 One, two, 315 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:21,294 (muffled): three, four, fi... 316 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,363 Good night, Mom. 317 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,698 Good night, honey. 318 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,101 ♪ 319 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,107 Hello, Lisa. 320 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:36,910 (screams) Sideshow Mom! 321 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,618 I can't believe you've been seeing another family! 322 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,087 How did you know? 323 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,521 I found out from Ned. 324 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,723 He feels so guilty about pretending 325 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:53,160 to be your father, but he can't stop. 326 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,063 Look at me in sector 7-G! 327 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,531 D'oh diddly d'oh! 328 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,034 I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you guys, 329 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,936 I really didn't, but once I started lying, 330 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,571 I just couldn't stop. 331 00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:06,806 It's like an addiction. 332 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,375 (slurping) 333 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,978 I have no idea what that's like. 334 00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,415 (slurping) 335 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,652 Lisa, I understand that this family isn't perfect. 336 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,454 Your mom has her flaws, 337 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,124 but there are a lot of people who really like her. 338 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,959 Mom's not the problem. 339 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,961 (gasps softly) So, it's Maggie. 340 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,796 I know she can't speak. 341 00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,265 She's just a little S-L-O. 342 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:36,103 It's all of us, Homer. She's embarrassed by all of us. 343 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,138 No! Not at all! 344 00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:41,008 You said I was a chemist. I'm not a chemist. 345 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:44,177 But you are a chemist-- in the way that you deal 346 00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,778 with the household spills and the way... 347 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:46,946 Oh, spare me. 348 00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,749 And just what did you say I was? 349 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,951 I said you never existed. 350 00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,453 That's the life for me! 351 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,088 I'm not a chemist. 352 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,589 I never even finished college. 353 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,591 I'm just someone who devotes every day 354 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,528 to making your life a little better. 355 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,330 What are you gonna do to me? 356 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,998 -I'm gonna make you get up... -Yeah. 357 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,833 -go to the phone... -Okay. 358 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:09,169 -call up that family... -Oh, God. 359 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,204 and ask them to dinner with us. 360 00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:13,073 (Lisa whimpers) 361 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,844 They said they're free Saturday. 362 00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,646 They'll be here at 7:00. 363 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:24,517 (sobbing): And they asked if they could bring dessert! 364 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,319 Whew, poor kid. 365 00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:28,955 Man, you're really teaching her a lesson. 366 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,790 We are teaching her a lesson. 367 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,061 And I appreciate your support. 368 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,528 Come back here! 369 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:38,465 (whispers): Ask her if we can have pizza tonight. 370 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,533 You can have pizza, but your father 371 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,070 -gets vegetables. -D'oh! 372 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,243 How could she be so embarrassed of her own family? 373 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,912 We've got to help Lisa make a good impression. 374 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:55,515 Stop drinking out of that hose! 375 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,218 Oh, so now drinking out of a hose 376 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:01,488 in my own bedroom is embarrassing! 377 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,922 (slurping) 378 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:05,392 -(grunting) -Homer. Homer? 379 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,593 -Homer. -Huh? 380 00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,661 Homer. I'm giving you a list 381 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,098 of four things to say at dinner tonight. 382 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,066 Four things. That's it. 383 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,168 HOMER: One, two, three... 384 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,337 (gasps) You're right. 385 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,540 At dinner tonight, I don't want you to be somebody you aren't. 386 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,942 I also don't want you to be who you are. 387 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:26,379 -So just stick to these. -All right. 388 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,381 I completely angry! 389 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,016 That's "agree." 390 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,451 Oh. Much better. 391 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:32,885 SAM'S FATHER: And that's how 392 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,422 my family got from Nigeria to London. 393 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,023 Tell me more about that. 394 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,925 I'm sorry, but I-I can't. 395 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,594 I've literally said everything you could say on the topic. 396 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,763 You've made me recall wonderful moments 397 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,765 I haven't thought of in years. 398 00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,968 It's amazing how Homer draws people out. 399 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,770 I completely angr... 400 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,038 a-agree. 401 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,541 You're a fascinating man, Mr. Simpson. 402 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,943 I get my best ideas in the shower. 403 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:59,379 Tell me one. I've been doing all the talking. 404 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,648 That's really interesting. 405 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,985 No, please. I want to know what's in your head. 406 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,087 (dramatic music plays) 407 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,864 (snoring) 408 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,000 Uh, you like beer? 409 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,636 -I love beer! -(relieved sigh) 410 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,305 Such a lovely family. 411 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,940 We're so glad we got to know you. 412 00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:29,842 Actually, you didn't. 413 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,744 I lied about my family. 414 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,314 Mom, I'm so sorry I was ashamed. 415 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,949 I feel worse than I've ever felt in my life. 416 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:40,153 It will haunt the person I become forever. 417 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,455 Aw, honey, I'm just as bad as you. 418 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,158 I coached your father and brother on how to act 419 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,959 to get through this dinner. 420 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,462 I've actually misled you myself. 421 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,464 I said I'm from Nigeria. 422 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,833 In truth, I moved there when I was two. 423 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,535 I'm from Cameroon. 424 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,371 Didn't you wonder why the man I told you was my father 425 00:18:58,405 --> 00:18:59,972 didn't look like him? 426 00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:02,175 I assumed he had lost all his hair 427 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,311 and put on an obscene amount of weight. 428 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:07,146 Well, it's really hard running your own business. 429 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,316 You don't run your own business. 430 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,751 I'm starting a new farce. 431 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:17,023 Wow, honesty really kills a party. 432 00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,459 What do you say we all go kick it in my new room? 433 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,161 -When did you get a new room? -While everyone was focused 434 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,063 on Lisa, I did a little remodel. 435 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,233 I didn't pull permits, but it's up to code. 436 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,470 (dance music playing) 437 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,171 Boy, why did you do this? 438 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,740 Where are you gonna sleep? 439 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,876 Eh, sleep's for farmers. I wanted a place to chill. 440 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,177 Oh, I get it. 441 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,579 Totally get it. 442 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,981 So, that's two more beers. 443 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,484 And... (clicks tongue) what were you drinking there, Cheryl? 444 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,519 (chuckling) 445 00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:49,021 Cranapple martini. 446 00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,923 My first happy ending! 447 00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:53,326 "I completely agree." 448 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,528 I love you, Mom! 449 00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,530 I love you, Sam. 450 00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,332 I love you, Bart. 451 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,833 And I love you, 452 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,101 room. 453 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:11,077 Disco Stu, always pitchin' woo. 454 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,745 Ferocious, Drederick. 455 00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,414 You and the cheetah. 456 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,449 (indistinct chatter) 457 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,754 Let me in. I need to talk to the boy! 458 00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:24,757 -This has gotten out of hand! -Not on the list. 459 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,727 Aw, come on, man, I know him. We hang out all the time. 460 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,928 Sure you do. 461 00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:30,930 You can come in, sweetheart. 462 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,065 I'll take care of this, Homie. 463 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,306 Move along, sir. You're blocking the fire escape. 464 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,073 Oh...! 465 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,658 Shh!