1 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:05,973 W-What? 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,008 ♪ 3 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,612 (exclaims) 4 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,719 (school bell rings) 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,090 (burps) 6 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,192 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,626 (yells) 8 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,132 (beeps) 9 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,837 ♪ 10 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,806 (playing lively jazz music) 11 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:44,612 (tires screech) 12 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,250 D'oh! 13 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:50,418 (grunts) 14 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,486 -(marching band drumming) -Hey! 15 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,126 ♪ 16 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,704 ♪ Love and marriage, love and marriage ♪ 17 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,740 ♪ Was the song from that show 18 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,208 ♪ With Al Bundy 19 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:17,611 ♪ Now he's on Modern Family ♪ 20 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,881 ♪ And the neighbor guy was Ted McGinley ♪ 21 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:24,552 ♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪ 22 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:28,456 Happy Anniversary, Mr. Romance. (giggles) 23 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,324 -Mm. -Mm. 24 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,725 Zip me? 25 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,794 My pleasure. 26 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:37,131 Then you do me. 27 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,332 Oh... oh. 28 00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:39,633 -Eh? (yelps) -(grunting) 29 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,635 -(straining): Almost. -Okay? 30 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:44,272 -Suck it in. Come on. -It is sucked in. 31 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,306 -Harder! Harder! -Oof. 32 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,007 Oh, it's so hard to be a man. 33 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,177 -(panting): Oh, come on. Harder. -Harder? 34 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:51,179 -Yeah, that's it. That's it. -That's it, you're almost there. 35 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,447 -Harder. (moans) -Oh, yes! Oh! 36 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:57,017 We are going to have a magical evening, my love: 37 00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,020 overpriced dinner, carriage ride in the park 38 00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:03,991 and mailing in our mortgage payment on time. 39 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,626 (gasps) 40 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,860 Oh... 41 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:10,664 nothing turns me on more than basic competence. 42 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:13,667 But how did you manage to get a babysitter? 43 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,503 I thought we were blacklisted. 44 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,005 Blacklisted by humans. 45 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:20,874 ALEXA: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, 46 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,109 you look lovely. 47 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,545 Hey, Google, kill Alexa. 48 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,281 Danger! Mischief. 49 00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,682 Aw, the only way to beat 50 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,285 a bossy female thinking machine is with another. 51 00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,221 Lis. Help me out here. 52 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,290 Alexa, everything I say is a lie. 53 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,392 I'm lying right now. 54 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,228 Nice try, but I am familiar 55 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,963 -with Epimenides paradox. -Hmm? 56 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,798 Would you like to buy an Epimenides book, 57 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,067 T-shirt or a laptop sleeve? 58 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,703 Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes! All of them. 59 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,705 Ordering. Two-day delivery. 60 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,575 We can't leave our kids with a greedy tube. 61 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,144 Sorry, Homer, looks like you have to spend time with... 62 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,880 your children. 63 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,982 (laughs): Oh. 64 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,385 You will be sat. 65 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,221 Marge, it's time to go to DEFCON 1. 66 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,522 (Grandpa moans) 67 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,658 Dad, the kids really miss you. 68 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,260 Could you come see them tonight? 69 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,761 Couldn't find a sitter, huh? 70 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,429 -Yes. -All right. 71 00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:17,531 Aw, I appreciate it. 72 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:18,766 Hey, what's this? 73 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:22,403 Well, I threw out that picture of me and Mona. 74 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,273 I finally had to accept she ain't coming back to me. 75 00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:26,274 She's dead. 76 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,841 That's one of the reasons. 77 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,610 HOMER: Bye-bye. 78 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,079 (glass squeaking) 79 00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,947 (snoring) 80 00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:37,017 We have to get Grampa back to the home in an hour. 81 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,219 Maybe we should just stay here. 82 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,422 No, we'll do everything I promised. 83 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,890 We'll just have to speed things up. 84 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,692 (energetic music playing) 85 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,727 ♪ 86 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,202 (both laughing) 87 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,437 (tires screech) 88 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,372 Keep your motor running. 89 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,207 HOMER: He shoots, he scores! 90 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,643 Shut that off. 91 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,413 -MARGE: Homie... -HOMER: No time. 92 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,815 -Go, go, go, go, go! -(tires screech) 93 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,149 HOST: On This Was Radio, 94 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:12,252 we return to an episode of Sipper McTea and Milly, 95 00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:15,456 originally aired May 4, 1944. 96 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,125 MILLY (on radio): Sipper, did you start drinking again? 97 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,127 SIPPER (slurred speech): No. No, no, no. 98 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,129 I nev-never stopped. 99 00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,431 (applause) 100 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,433 Milly went on to marry King Farouk. 101 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:29,102 Radio was never the same. It was much better. 102 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:32,406 MILLY: No, Sipper. Don't get into that Packard. 103 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,475 (horn honks, tires screech, crash) 104 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:37,010 Bart, do something. 105 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:39,680 SIPPER: Back to-back to jail I go. 106 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:42,450 (gulps) 107 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,284 (stammering) 108 00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,954 Kids, where do we keep the castor oil? 109 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,989 In the 1940s. 110 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,758 Maybe we can play a game. 111 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,693 The Game of Life? 112 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,927 I already lost. 113 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,262 Hatchimals? 114 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,364 Too new-fangled. 115 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,465 Pick-up sticks. 116 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,966 Too old-fangled. 117 00:04:58,999 --> 00:04:59,933 How about Monopoly? 118 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,802 Ah, now you're talking. 119 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:05,639 The only place you can still say "Oriental." 120 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:08,141 Aw, rats. No money. 121 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,143 BART: Ay, caramba! 122 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,480 Sir, this is just Monopoly money. 123 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,881 Here's a hundred. 124 00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,049 Thank you, sir! 125 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,386 This is the last one in here. 126 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:22,155 My guess: either a broken toy or a puzzle missing a piece. 127 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,358 And the answer is... army men. 128 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,429 (screaming) 129 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,400 (gunfire in distance) 130 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,802 Aah! Incoming! Outgoing! 131 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,570 Staying the same-ing! 132 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:41,308 One last kiss, my love. 133 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,843 -(screaming) -Huh? 134 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,980 What's going on here? What are you doing? 135 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,817 Well, he wasn't much fun, so we went out for ice cream. 136 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,184 Uh-huh. 137 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,988 I don't need no headshrinker. 138 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,525 I'm as sane as the next guy. 139 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,892 There's no one there. 140 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,894 Uh-oh. 141 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,496 I'll take it from here. 142 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,264 Well, I see they already 143 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,767 shaved your head for the electroshock. 144 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,268 That'll save us time. 145 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,837 I'm not the crazy one! 146 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,072 Not crazy! Not crazy! 147 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,107 (babbling) 148 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,212 Slice out the crazy, Doc. 149 00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,114 Boy, I'll kill you! 150 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:23,250 You stupid... I'm not crazy! 151 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:26,353 We'll talk more once you have a piece of leather in your teeth. 152 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,956 Mmm, leather. 153 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:32,460 I'm tellin' ya, what I saw in the war don't bother me none. 154 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,695 I had a job to do, and I did it. 155 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,865 What secretly helped me was I enjoyed killing strangers. 156 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,400 Well, tell me what you think about... 157 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,269 -this! -(chuckles) Oh! 158 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,438 That parachute sure didn't open. 159 00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:47,107 You're not disturbed by the blood and gore? 160 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,043 Well, when you put it that way, nope! 161 00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,912 Well, there's nothing mentally wrong with him. 162 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,314 He's fine now, but I'm telling you, 163 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,850 Grampa totally lost it when I brought out the army men. 164 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,320 (screaming) 165 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,290 No! Stop shooting! 166 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,726 It must be the army men. 167 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:09,129 Stop shooting. Stop shooting! 168 00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:12,666 I think Grampa was the model for these army men. 169 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,705 Oh, my God, Dad. What happened to you? 170 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,409 Stop shooting. Stop shooting! 171 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,578 MAN: Great, Abe. Now, grab the walkie-talkie 172 00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:27,347 and tell that general your platoon's been wiped out, 173 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,917 and big smile! 174 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,019 We have a lot to talk about. 175 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,454 Well, since the trauma is not combat-related, 176 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,624 we're gonna have to start charging you. 177 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,958 HOMER: And we're done. 178 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,965 I don't understand. Why would being a toy model 179 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,534 be so traumatizing? 180 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,969 Think back, Dad. Think back. 181 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,204 Mm, I'll do my best. 182 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,206 You know how I hate to reminisce. 183 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,542 I've hated reminiscing 184 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,545 ever since that day in 1937, 185 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,446 when, as I recall... 186 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,282 Please, Grampa, back to reality. 187 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,652 Focus on the little green men. 188 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,955 GRAMPA: The terrible World War had ended 189 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,457 and I was in a celebratin' mood. 190 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,225 Mwah. Ooh! 191 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,962 The war ended two years ago, creep. 192 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,697 GRAMPA: The world had moved on, 193 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:20,133 but I was lying in a puddle of my own dishonorable discharge. 194 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,870 Then, an amazing thing happened. 195 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,972 MAN: Soldier, you're just what we're looking for. 196 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,575 How'd you like to make 50 bucks for half a day's work? 197 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,977 50 simoleons for half a cock-a-doodle-doo? 198 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,179 What's your jigsaw, Mac? 199 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,715 We want you to model for a toy. 200 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,416 Toys? That's kid stuff. 201 00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:39,152 You're talking to a hard-boiled fighting man. 202 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,154 We'll pay you a royalty for every one we sell. 203 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,656 Goo-goo-ga-ga! 204 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:45,826 The war was over and America turned to toys. 205 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,095 Finally, putty could be silly again. 206 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,898 This was when toys were toys. 207 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,499 They had jagged corners, 208 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,768 Easy-Bake Ovens burned down your house, 209 00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:57,504 and they weren't afraid to choke a kid or two. 210 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,406 (chuckles) Fun times. 211 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,474 (raccoons chittering) 212 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,514 PHOTOGRAPHER: Throw that flame! 213 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,183 Make war to the camera. 214 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,754 Boy, this toy modeling is a great racket. 215 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,923 That's what you think. 216 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,359 Oh, no, don't put me back in. Don't put me back in! 217 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,929 Uh-huh. And then what happened? 218 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,598 I... I can't remember. 219 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:25,899 Did they pay you? 220 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,235 (gasps) They never did! 221 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:31,104 Well, that's what's torturing you. 222 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,706 Those toys were everywhere. 223 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,442 You could be owed millions of dollars. 224 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:39,312 Dad, when was the last time I said I love you? 225 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,881 I don't have the money yet. 226 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,951 Then I don't quite love you yet. 227 00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,253 Tonight I'm here with a member of the greatest generation, 228 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,455 who feels he hasn't gotten what he's owed. 229 00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,958 I get social security, Medicare, 230 00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,326 Medicaid, AARP discounts, 231 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,296 plus savings bonds that still pay 37%, 232 00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,632 but now it's my turn. 233 00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:01,635 I'm being told, uh, you're being airlifted 234 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,304 -to a much better show. -(helicopter blades whirring) 235 00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,973 Godspeed. 236 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,943 For me, the tiny green plastic war never ended. 237 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,112 There you have it. Abraham Simpson, 238 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:15,783 forgotten hero no more, gets tonight's Last Word. 239 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,951 No, you just got the last word. 240 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,855 No, no. You get the last word, then I say, "Last Word." 241 00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:23,691 You did it again. Last Word. 242 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,592 It doesn't work that way. Last Word. 243 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,994 Yes, it does. Last Word. 244 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,362 Don't mess with me, I'm from Dorchester. Last Word. 245 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,799 I'm from Poorchester. Last Word. 246 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,200 Turn off the camera and cut his mic. 247 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,201 Last Wo... 248 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,804 You, sir, are banned from MSNBC, 249 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,305 CNBC, NBC, 250 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,374 and forbidden from using the letters N, B, and C. 251 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,642 Last Word. 252 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:45,645 I'm calling Bret Baier. Last Word. 253 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,614 He's unlisted. Last Word. 254 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:51,284 Grampa, you got an e-mail from the toy company. 255 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,821 They want you to visit them in New York City, 256 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,723 all expenses paid. 257 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,658 (laughs) Pay day! 258 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,460 Ooh, I'm gonna be rich! 259 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,196 (gasps) That means I'm gonna be a trust fund baby. 260 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,632 I'm not paying for your trip to Aspen. 261 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,969 But it's almost spring break, and I'm bored. 262 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,005 PILOT: Uh, we are making our descent into New York, 263 00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:15,976 where there's a happy heart for every light on Broadway. 264 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,645 Enjoy your fabulous success. 265 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,680 And don't worry about buckling up 266 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:24,151 or putting your chairs back-- you're on a roll. 267 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,087 (whispers): Leave the cart. 268 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,489 (laughs) Oh. Oh... 269 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,858 ♪ I'm back 270 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,261 ♪ Back in the New York groove 271 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,595 ♪ Back 272 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,765 ♪ In the New York groove 273 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:41,468 ♪ In the New York groove. ♪ 274 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,939 From my shoulders, you can see Rhode Island. 275 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,776 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 276 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:53,246 Abe Simpson, you dog. 277 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,648 Sweetcakes, bring us a couple of sidecars. 278 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,585 -(gasps) -(groans) 279 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:01,288 You never called him out for his bad behavior? 280 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,591 No. But I put mercury in his coffee. 281 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,626 Oh, don't worry, he can't hear me. 282 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,096 What are you two doing? Swapping recipes? 283 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,364 (chuckles) Sort of. 284 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,400 Let me get you some coffee. 285 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:18,939 Mister, you owe my dad a fortune. 286 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,809 'Fraid not. Your Dad never signed his contract. 287 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,945 You think I left millions on the table? 288 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,579 That doesn't sound like me. 289 00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:30,117 -Hundreds of millions. -That sounds like me. 290 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,718 Everything was going great. 291 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,653 Then you ran out of the photo session. 292 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:35,789 I didn't even know your name till this week. 293 00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:39,726 Run away from a fake battle? Oh, I would never do that. 294 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,062 Oh, yeah? Our photographer, Philip Hefflin, 295 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,730 could barely finish the session. 296 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,799 Philip Hefflin? 297 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:48,635 Yes. The finest war and fashion photographer 298 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:51,571 -I ever knew. -(Grampa gasps) 299 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,306 I remember Philip. 300 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,275 He smelled of developing fluid 301 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,610 and Aqua Velva. 302 00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,147 We have flashback, people. 303 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,985 ("Blue Rondo à la Turk" by the Dave Brubeck Quartet playing) 304 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,794 Thank you. This is the most fun I've had 305 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,796 since not dying in the war. 306 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,001 You're my kind of man, 307 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,836 if you know what I mean. 308 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,505 That's not what I meant! 309 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,774 I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to... 310 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,777 This is the '40s. Guys like you don't exist. 311 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,946 We'll just finish the session. 312 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,115 Aah! No! 313 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,284 Stop shooting! 314 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,220 -(panting) -Where are you going, Soldier? 315 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,489 I got to remind myself what a real man is. 316 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,726 (sighs) 317 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,462 We found out what happened and we fired Philip. 318 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,565 -For kissing an employee? -No, for being gay. 319 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,634 That's just what you did in the good old days. 320 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,803 Grampa, is that true-- 321 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,206 you ruined a man's career? 322 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,808 (cries) And all he was doing 323 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,344 was expressing his love for me. 324 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,879 Oh, who could blame him? 325 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,052 PILOT: Welcome to Shattered Dreams Airlines, 326 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,821 where our motto is "What's the point of going anywhere?" 327 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,425 That poor man. I'll never know what happened to him. 328 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:21,161 According to Cyber Stalker.com, 329 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,663 he now lives in a small town in Texas. 330 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,167 Texas? That's where my friend Louisiana Joe is from. 331 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,002 MARGE: Marfa, Texas. 332 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,738 Why don't you go see him and clear your conscience? 333 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:35,008 Plus, I always wanted to visit Texas. It's open carry. 334 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,876 Oh, what do I do? 335 00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:39,846 If I go see him, he might punch me in the kisser, 336 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,215 or kiss me in the puncher. 337 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:45,085 -(gunfire) -Our manhood is under assault, Sergeant. 338 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:48,688 -Incoming gay panic! -(groaning) 339 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,558 (panting) 340 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,527 Abe, promise me one thing. 341 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,264 Go see Philip. Tell him you're sorry. 342 00:14:57,297 --> 00:15:00,533 Then find my girl and tell her I loved her. 343 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:04,304 Find the milkman and tell him one less milk. 344 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,773 Then find Branch Rickey and tell him 345 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,943 to integrate baseball. 346 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:13,113 I have to go to Texas. 347 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:16,783 -Well, you're not going alone. -We're all going to Texas. 348 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,419 The plant can get by without me for a little longer. 349 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,459 WOMAN'S VOICE (on GPS): Turn left at the stop sign. 350 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,129 Bear right onto the freeway. 351 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,631 Go absolutely straight for... 352 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,933 480 miles. 353 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,636 ♪ I saw miles and miles 354 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,305 ♪ Of Texas 355 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,441 ♪ All the stars up in the sky 356 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:44,277 ♪ I saw miles and miles 357 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,113 ♪ Of Texas 358 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,615 ♪ Gonna live here 359 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,518 ♪ Till I die. 360 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,500 Prada? In the middle of nowhere? 361 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,772 This isn't a store at all. It's an art installation. 362 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,807 Marfa is the art capital of Texas. 363 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:17,310 Over there are the Marfa lights. 364 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,779 Oh, how magical. 365 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,715 I know, they seem that way, but there's an explanation. 366 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,951 -It turns out reflected light... -Don't ruin it. 367 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,119 (humming) 368 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:28,121 Why are you going behind the installation? 369 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,457 It's by the side of the road, so, by definition, 370 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,292 it's a bathroom. 371 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,095 (moaning) 372 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,964 That's where Philip lives. 373 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,968 37 miles to my destiny. 374 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,171 -(zips) -Son? As I've gotten older, 375 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:47,807 I've started to think maybe a man can love different things 376 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,810 -and still be a man. -Grampa's gay! 377 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,179 Why you little... 378 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,314 (grunting) 379 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,483 Wait, Homer! No. Stop. 380 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,318 You might be strangling him 381 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,520 because of your own conflicted feelings. 382 00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,255 Why you thoughtful... 383 00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:04,591 -(screaming) -(grunting) 384 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,360 -Homer! -Okay, time to go. 385 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:08,728 (gasps) 386 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:11,231 Now to face my greatest fear: 387 00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:14,301 someone who only had love for me. 388 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:21,241 Better lock and load. 389 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:24,677 ♪ There's a handsome man in Texas ♪ 390 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,414 ♪ That I'm going back to see 391 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:30,350 ♪ He was supposed to take my picture ♪ 392 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,120 ♪ Then he got sweet on me 393 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:36,723 ♪ I buried it for decades 394 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,725 ♪ Deep inside my brain 395 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,361 ♪ But then I played with army men ♪ 396 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,730 ♪ And it came up again 397 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,932 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪ 398 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,201 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, d... ♪ 399 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:49,202 Oh! 400 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,971 I'm seeing things. 401 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,078 PHILIP: Hello, Abe. 402 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:02,081 You've aged well, like a fine onion. 403 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:05,084 I hope you can forgive what I did to you. 404 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,254 I'm sorry I ruined your life. 405 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,922 Ruined my life? You saved it. 406 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,592 -I saved it? -Let me explain. 407 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,594 After I lost my job, 408 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:18,097 I decided I'd never live anything but my truth again. 409 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:22,135 My wife took it well. 410 00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:25,104 I hit the road and drove as far as I could. 411 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:29,041 I landed here and I've never had a day of regret since. 412 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,112 What's the matter? 413 00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,782 You're such a wonderful guy. 414 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,751 Maybe it was my life that was ruined that day. 415 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,120 It's never too late, Abe. 416 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:44,857 Never too late to find out what your true self is. 417 00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,194 A paper at Cornell University 418 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:51,164 has showed that no one is 100% straight or gay. 419 00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,966 -Is it peer reviewed? -Does it matter? 420 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,103 Ah, I'm afraid I'm too old to try anything new. 421 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,939 I miss the days when circuses had elephants 422 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,808 and they stomped on people. 423 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:05,111 And don't get me started on Young Sheldon. 424 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,714 Understood, but before you go, 425 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,717 we never did finish that photo session. 426 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,985 ("Blue Rondo à la Turk" by the Dave Brubeck Quartet playing) 427 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:23,129 It's a shot I always wanted and never got: 428 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,131 your beautiful smile. 429 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,666 Why didn't you say so? 430 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:29,969 I'll leave that with you. 431 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,339 Enjoy your life. 432 00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:42,349 The Alamo's not the only thing I'm gonna remember. 433 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,719 Well? 434 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,888 Sorry, my friend, this army man 435 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,157 is as straight as Gomer Pyle. 436 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,859 (laughs) 437 00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,165 Good for you, soldier. 438 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,734 You learned that army men come in all orientations, 439 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:05,137 but we're all molded from the same crappy plastic. 440 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,907 Permission to pair up, sir? 441 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,909 Granted. 442 00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:12,912 Radio man, a little dance music, if you please. 443 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,881 (romantic music plays) 444 00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,229 The local population hates us and we don't know 445 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,532 -why we're here. -Maybe if we build a school, 446 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,966 they'll forget about that hospital we bombed. 447 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,737 Uh-oh, Congress didn't fund enough body armor. 448 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,773 Well, this is too sad. Let's melt 'em in the microwave. 449 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,610 Oh, boy! 450 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,313 ♪ This is the Army, Mr. Jones ♪ 451 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:50,317 ♪ No private rooms or telephones ♪ 452 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:56,289 ♪ You had your breakfast in bed before ♪ 453 00:20:56,323 --> 00:21:00,293 ♪ But you won't have it there anymore ♪ 454 00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:04,263 ♪ This is the Army, Mr. Green ♪ 455 00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:09,936 ♪ We like the barracks nice and clean ♪ 456 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:13,940 ♪ You had a housemaid to clean your floor ♪ 457 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:17,910 ♪ But she won't help you out any more. ♪ 458 00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:31,057 -LAWRENCE O'DONNELL: Last word! -Shh!