1 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,979 Hubert, great work on the cafeteria gravy story. 2 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,882 Answered a lot of questions but raised a lot more. 3 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:16,350 (door opens) 4 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:20,988 I come bearing the thing you journalists hate most: news. 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,491 The Daily Fourth Gradian is hemorrhaging money. 6 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,493 Last month the paper lost... 7 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,528 $32. 8 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:28,696 (all gasping) 9 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,731 But you can't put a price on the truth. 10 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,067 I finally got a source to go on the record 11 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,002 about dodgeball concussions. 12 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,004 Bombardment, bombardment. 13 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,940 (crying): Bombardment. 14 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,776 I'm sorry, but I have no choice but to bring in a new editor. 15 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,245 The fifth grader who somehow 16 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:46,114 turned the school poetry magazine 17 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:49,950 into a cash-blasting fire hose: Billy. 18 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:52,553 Preschool is over, news skanks. 19 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,388 Today is gonna be like Carrie Underwood 20 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,290 hosting the Country Music Awards-- 21 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,359 we're in for a lot of changes. 22 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,794 You-- I can tell you're a real talent. 23 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,630 Get out. You're fired. 24 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,465 See? No one's safe. 25 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,934 Fidget spinner. 26 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,236 What are you doing? 27 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,037 Hubert's a good journalist. 28 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,706 Good journalism ain't paying the pizza man, toots. 29 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,975 We are going online only: 30 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,645 pop-culture quizzes, sponsored lists, 31 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,880 headlines that grab you by the book bag: 32 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,416 "You Won't Believe What Milhouse Looks Like Now." 33 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,084 You bet your book bag I won't. 34 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:26,220 But you can't just turn the school paper 35 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:27,621 into online clickbait. 36 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,390 We have a responsibility to... 37 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,392 Oh, my God, it's still talking. 38 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:34,295 I hate you so much I'm giving you the most important job 39 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,729 at this swipe rag. 40 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:38,132 -You're a what? -I'm a recapper. 41 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,067 Huh? What? 42 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,969 A TV recapper. 43 00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:45,139 I watch every episode of a show, then write a summary, 44 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,142 followed by snarky comments and a letter grade. 45 00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,977 Well, sometimes I do worry 46 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:53,814 I have the wrong opinions about what I've just seen. 47 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,449 (hula music playing, Krusty speaking gibberish) 48 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:58,018 (Lisa groans) 49 00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:00,488 Ugh. This isn't me. 50 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,457 What kind of person can just spew out an endless stream 51 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,759 of knee-jerk reactions? 52 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,995 They should hand out candy at Thanksgiving 53 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,631 and stuffing at Halloween. 54 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:14,302 Say, Dad, you sure have a lot of strong opinions. 55 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:17,305 Why don't you watch this show and tell me what you think? 56 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,874 -Hmm. -♪ Fight, fight, fight, The Itchy & Scratchy Show! ♪ 57 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,579 -(laughing) -(gasps) 58 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,550 Hey, yeah. Ah! 59 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,052 Ta-da! 60 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,287 (screaming) 61 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,588 Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,625 Hmm. 63 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,793 The mouse and the cat hate each other. 64 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,362 That feels real to me. 65 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,464 It was quite a ride, and I was on board 66 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,466 until the shawarma screamed. Huh. 67 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,235 Very disappointing. 68 00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,136 An instant classic. 69 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,306 Dad, you were born to describe TV at a fourth-grade level. 70 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,342 (laughing): Ooh, well. 71 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,977 Would you recap The Krusty Show for my school paper? 72 00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,348 All you have to do is watch TV and say things about it. 73 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:03,851 Just say things about TV. 74 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,153 Oh. 75 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,188 (chuckling) 76 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,190 ♪ 77 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,692 (phone chimes) 78 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:15,229 Krusty, a recapper is now reviewing your show. 79 00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:16,764 Let me see that. 80 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,332 "Monologue seemed endless"? 81 00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:20,501 "Pie clearly hits face of stunt double"? 82 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,936 "Overuse of comedic rule of three"?! 83 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,938 (scoffs) Why would I possibly care 84 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,841 about the opinion of this pathetic bottom feeder? 85 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,110 Huh? B-minus?! 86 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,679 -(yells) -(woman gasps) 87 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,046 (phone chimes) 88 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,116 C-plus?! Aah! 89 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,418 (phone chimes) 90 00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,052 C-minus? 91 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:40,388 Ow! 92 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,291 Today's Krusty Show pulled out all the stops. 93 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,958 Which was a huge mistake, 94 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,995 as many of the stops should have been left in. D-plus. 95 00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,400 (tires squeal) 96 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,270 I'll teach you 97 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:59,740 to insult a thin-skinned Hollywood narcissist. 98 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:02,743 Oh, Tesla, your 900-pound feet 99 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:06,447 of silent, instant torque is the perfect killing machine. 100 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,448 (groans) 101 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:08,949 (tires screeching, Krusty grunting) 102 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,118 Where do I know that guy? 103 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,586 Aah! Aah! 104 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,722 (screams) Vengeful clown! 105 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,956 (tires squealing) 106 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:19,593 "Krusty is trying to murder me. 107 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,595 "If he does, 108 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:24,732 it'll be the first time he's killed in years." 109 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,734 -(phone chimes) -I'm not funny? 110 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,703 You want to see something really humor?! 111 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:34,141 "Running me off the road? 112 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,844 Clearly, a murderer out of ideas." 113 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,314 (grunting) 114 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,849 -Like my show! -(groaning) 115 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,185 Why? Is it season four again? 116 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,654 Why, you. 117 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,922 -(Homer choking) -(tires screeching) 118 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,792 (both grunting) 119 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,328 (tires squealing) 120 00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,897 (both grunting) 121 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,300 -Whoa. -Whoa. 122 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:01,669 (both scream) 123 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,171 (grunting) 124 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,880 Oh, please be okay. Please be okay. 125 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:16,116 If anything happened to you, I-I don't know what I'd do. 126 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,785 Oh, give me a sign. 127 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,520 Let me know my world isn't over. 128 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,988 Don't look in my trunk! 129 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,824 But if you do, a Chinese doctor says I need it. 130 00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:26,226 Oh, you're okay. 131 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:29,129 All right, tell me who assaulted you, and we'll bring 'em in. 132 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,532 Unless it's gangs or motorcycle guys. 133 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,467 A motorcycle guy will whip you 134 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,335 right in the face with his chain. 135 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,970 He doesn't care. 136 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,006 Krusty tried to run me off the road! 137 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,542 But I'm still alive. C-plus. 138 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,310 (grunting) 139 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,012 (gasps) Ah. 140 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,080 -(siren wailing) -Don't worry, Krusty. 141 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,983 I know a place where the police will never find you. 142 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:53,854 Yeah, good luck, kid, but I'm a big-time TV celebrity. 143 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,824 The last thing I could ever do is blend in. 144 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,692 Hmm? 145 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,694 ♪ 146 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,763 The circus? Why? 147 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,432 You're a clown. 148 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,600 I won't stand here and be insulted! 149 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,636 Y... Oh, right. 150 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,575 Kid, I'm a TV clown, 151 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,510 not like these trapeze-sucking tent-fluffers. 152 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,345 Circus clowns don't talk, 153 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:22,115 while I perform to camera with finely honed subtlety. 154 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,885 Hey-hey! (laughs) 155 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,954 (shushes) Easy on the "hey-heys." 156 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,122 The cops are looking everywhere for you. 157 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,591 I can't go to jail. 158 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:33,293 I just quit smoking. What do I do? 159 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,595 Huh? 160 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,097 So, what do you call yourself? 161 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,733 Soggy. Soggy the Clown. 162 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,469 Thought we already had a Soggy. 163 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,370 Nah, nah, you're thinking of Moisty. 164 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,938 You're hired. 165 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,475 So, Soggy, uh, what's your act? 166 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,643 Well, I can introduce cartoons, 167 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:52,746 pretend to enjoy children's breakfast cereal. 168 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,882 Oh, and I completely blow my stack 169 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,150 when someone takes my parking space. 170 00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:00,454 You sound like a... TV clown. 171 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,456 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 172 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,392 I hate TV clowns from how you just said that. 173 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,227 (scoffs) TV clowns. 174 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,429 Riding four to a car like royalty, 175 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,232 eating their stew from a bowl instead of cupped hands. 176 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:16,670 And you know who's the worst is that white-faced Judas: Krusty. 177 00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:19,072 Wait. Circus clowns hate Krusty? 178 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,440 Don't you? 179 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,843 In my way I've hated him all my life. 180 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,646 Yeah, you get it, Soggy. You're a good kid. 181 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,315 Anyway, this is where you eat, this is where you sleep, 182 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:31,084 and this is where you sweep up the elephant crap. 183 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,588 So, all three in this cage. 184 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,923 Efficient, right? 185 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,491 Now meet the finest clowns 186 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:40,460 from the greatest closed circuses in the world. 187 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,129 Skitters, Bumpo, Wiggles, 188 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,598 Clabby, Dr. Pickles, Mr. Bindle, 189 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,634 Barrels, Drooly, Trembles, 190 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,801 Blitzy, Handsy, 191 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,302 Boobsy, Mr. Boobsy, 192 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:51,539 Baby Boobsy, the Boobsy Twins, 193 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,373 Ding-a-ling, Bing-bong, Ring-a-ling, 194 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,475 Flip-Flop, Fiddle-Faddle, Flap-Jack, 195 00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:56,510 and Scene Blow. 196 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,511 Nice to meet... 197 00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:59,980 (gurgles) 198 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,515 Yeah. 199 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,817 (doorbell rings) 200 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,787 It's him. It's really him. 201 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,657 (gasps) A regular dork and a girl one. 202 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,660 It is an honor to meet the man whose recaps were so devastating 203 00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,629 that the star of the show tried to kill him. 204 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,965 The secret is, say what happened. 205 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,500 Oh, it's like we're talking to Hemingway. 206 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,736 Or Shep Goldfein from TV Zorp. 207 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,305 How would you like to come recap for us 208 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,407 full-time at Culture Smash? 209 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,810 You'll pay me to watch TV? 210 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,413 God bless you, content-addicted clickbaiters. 211 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,315 We'll start you on 30 shows. 212 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,984 This month? 213 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,351 Uh, no, tonight. 214 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,021 Welcome to Peak TV. 215 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,224 This Is Us. 216 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,426 (crying): This is me. 217 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,828 C-plus. 218 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,197 ♪ 219 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,367 (trumpets loudly) 220 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,036 Hey there, Soggy. 221 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,871 You excited for your first show? 222 00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,707 Nervous? I'm not nervous. 223 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,441 Get this kid. "Nervous." 224 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:02,943 (scoffs) Nervous. 225 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,045 Well, you sure are saying "nervous" a lot. 226 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,714 Shut up, you nervous little punk. 227 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,782 I'm the king of 4:00 p.m. TV. 228 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,218 I can clown the pants off these losers. 229 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:14,221 (slide whistle blows, horn honks) 230 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,757 (groans) 231 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,894 -(sniffs) Whoa, what is that? -(shudders) 232 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,463 That's what the clowns here drink before the tent opens. 233 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:26,133 -It's called Hippo Juice. -Do you even know what's in it? 234 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,901 I need my Hippo Juice! 235 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,805 ♪ 236 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:32,840 (tires squeak) 237 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,943 (groans) 238 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:39,179 (all groaning) 239 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:44,217 (laughter) 240 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,619 (crowd gasps) 241 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,887 (roars) 242 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,421 (crowd screams) 243 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,763 (laughter) 244 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,798 (groaning) 245 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,501 (crowd boos) 246 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,176 Okay, Walking Dead. 247 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,779 Too much walking, not enough dead. C-plus. 248 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,113 Game of Thrones. 249 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,982 Who is everybody? A-plus. 250 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:18,819 Stranger Things. Spielberg's back. C-minus. 251 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,755 Homie, you're watching so many shows. 252 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,456 Why don't you take a break? 253 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,626 We can open the third drawer of the nightstand. 254 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,195 The anniversary drawer. 255 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,230 (moans) 256 00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:33,500 Mmm. Mmm. 257 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,803 Making out on the bed-- a familiar formula, 258 00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,504 but still delivers the goods. 259 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,639 Mmm. Ooh, a butt-squeeze. 260 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:42,375 Motivated by character and moves the story forward. 261 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,211 Mmm. Could an ear nibble be the thing 262 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,513 to reinvigorate this tired franchise? 263 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:49,182 Wait. Are-are you recapping our snuggle? 264 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,618 No, no, just pillow talk, baby. 265 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,486 If you say so. 266 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,788 Savvy viewers will notice 267 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,724 the husband hasn't brushed his teeth. 268 00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:58,291 That is it. 269 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,962 You're watching so many TV shows for your recapping job, 270 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,831 it's ruining our life. 271 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,199 And don't you dare give me a letter grade. 272 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:09,803 Okay, I'll just let this be... minus. 273 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,639 (growls) It's either me or the job. 274 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:16,810 Hmm. Marge creates what feels like false jeopardy. 275 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:19,679 No, the moment is well earned. 276 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:24,051 Oh, they just got rid of their best character. 277 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,753 (Bart humming) 278 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,722 Soggy, a word of advice: you suck. 279 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,590 Turn in your Hippo Juice bucket, 280 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,692 your hippo crystals, and your hippo pipe. 281 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,227 You're fired. 282 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:35,562 (horn honks) 283 00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,064 Oh, come on, Tootso. 284 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,698 You don't really mean that, do you? 285 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,533 -(horn honks) -Oh, it's true. 286 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:43,737 I'm a terrible clown. (cries) 287 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,172 Cheer up, Krusty. 288 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,175 There's got to be another circus out there, a worse one. 289 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,277 Nah. I'm not a TV clown. 290 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,879 I'm not a circus clown. 291 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:54,214 I'm nothing. 292 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,850 (pants) Soggy, the high wire bear got sick 293 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,718 after eating the Guess-Your-Weight Guy, 294 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,520 so we need somebody to do his act. 295 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,022 And none of the other clowns will do it 296 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,456 because there's no net. 297 00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,058 So, well, we thought of you. 298 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,795 You mean a last chance to redeem myself? 299 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,897 No. No, no. If you live, you're still fired. 300 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,398 Oh, who cares? 301 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,933 I'm in. 302 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,734 (to tune of "Entrance of the Gladiators"): ♪ I don't care 303 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:15,969 ♪ If I live or die 304 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,972 ♪ Wait, I do, I want to die 305 00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:20,473 ♪ Who will claim my body? 306 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:21,975 ♪ Maybe the monkey 307 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:23,043 ♪ Do-do-do-do-do. 308 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,711 Whoa! 309 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,213 Oh. Whoa! 310 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,948 (grunts) 311 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,449 Ow! (screams) 312 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,118 Oh! 313 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,152 Whoa! 314 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,254 (grunting) 315 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,389 -(growling) -Ow. 316 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,091 (screams) 317 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,392 (gulps) 318 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,460 (all gasp) 319 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,495 (roars, coughs) 320 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:44,965 Ta-da. 321 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,299 (cheering) 322 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,801 They're applauding. 323 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,136 And there's no applause sign. 324 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,971 I didn't know that was possible. 325 00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:54,307 Circus cheers are the greatest cheers in the world! 326 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,977 RINGMASTER: There he is, there's our new star. 327 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,979 That was the most daring act I've ever seen. 328 00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:02,415 And I saw a circus do a Beatles tribute without permission. 329 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,985 I think I'm falling for you, Soggy. 330 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,120 I don't think you're really my type. 331 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:10,157 ♪ 332 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,459 Mmm, you. (laughs) 333 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,527 (speaking gibberish) 334 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,529 (moans) 335 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,132 My whole life up till now was nothing. 336 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,469 From this day forward, I am Soggy, 337 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,604 Soggy the Clown! 338 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,073 (cheering) 339 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,881 ♪ 340 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,682 (lion snarls quietly) 341 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,150 -(snoring) -(alarm ringing) 342 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,152 (gasping, grumbling) 343 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:40,487 -(alarm stops ringing) -(snoring) 344 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,627 (horn honks) 345 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,129 I'm flattered, Tootso, 346 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,230 but I'm already seeing someone. 347 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,531 (both moan) 348 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,401 I'll meet you behind the seal tank in half an hour. 349 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:55,869 (horn honks) 350 00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,138 Good news. Your agent just called. 351 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,340 A Japanese game show needs an American celebrity 352 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,310 to pop out of toilets to scare couples on dates. 353 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,078 The cops will never find you. 354 00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:07,180 Two weeks ago, I would've jumped at that. 355 00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:09,649 But I'm a circus clown now. 356 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,818 But you're a big-time TV star. 357 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,686 Ain't the circus worse by far? 358 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,223 Oh, I used to love celebrity, 359 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,825 but I've got big top clarity. 360 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,860 (jazzy): Because... 361 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,896 ♪ 362 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,266 ♪ Circus clowning 363 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,235 -♪ Is the life for me -(bird squawks) 364 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,071 ♪ Gonna flip the bird to lousy kids' TV ♪ 365 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:34,574 ♪ Circus folk have real camaraderie ♪ 366 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,277 ♪ I can't be fired 'cause they don't test my pee ♪ 367 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,914 ♪ He'd be positive for every sedative ♪ 368 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:44,351 ♪ Circus laughter, there's no greater high ♪ 369 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,120 ♪ Crowd is fired up 'cause they might see you die ♪ 370 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:48,588 ♪ If he breaks his neck 371 00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,423 ♪ What a thrill they'll get 372 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,726 ♪ All my problems have been solved for free ♪ 373 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,964 ♪ Talking to the bear sure beats therapy ♪ 374 00:14:56,997 --> 00:15:00,300 ♪ A hug can beat fear of women's feet ♪ 375 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,236 ♪ Can I join the circus if I'm only ten? ♪ 376 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,805 ♪ Here's a fake I.D., now your name is Ben ♪ 377 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:09,542 ♪ Ain't no mom to keep me safe and sound ♪ 378 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,244 ♪ I get to juggle swords 379 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,046 ♪ Eat corn dogs off the ground 380 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,449 ♪ So, good riddance to TV 381 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,986 ♪ I feel alive instead of live-plus-three ♪ 382 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,988 ALL: ♪ Because circus clowning 383 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,956 ♪ Is the life for 384 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,391 ♪ Me. 385 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,560 -(elephants trumpet) -(whistle blows) 386 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,628 Bad news: 387 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,130 -we're shutting down the circus. -(gasping) 388 00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,931 Shutting it down? But why? 389 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,667 -A terrible video got out. -Which one? 390 00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:37,270 -The video we sell here at the circus. -(circus folk gasping) 391 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:40,273 If they close this place down, what do I run away to? 392 00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,308 College? 393 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,909 It's all over. 394 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,145 I'm losing the only happiness I didn't have to chug, 395 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,814 snort, shoot, bet on, or get enlarged. 396 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,650 For the first time, I was a real clown. 397 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,520 (crying): And now I've lost that. 398 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,157 To save my marriage, effective immediately, 399 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,958 I'm resigning as recapper. 400 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,827 My apologies to Culture Smash 401 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,330 and the entire Garbage Blast media family. 402 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,965 Mm. 403 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,001 ♪ 404 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,571 -MAN: Get in. -Okay. 405 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,312 Homer, I'm the CEO of a major media conglomerate. 406 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:20,813 We can't have you quit. 407 00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,150 You're one of America's top recappers. 408 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:26,153 I had to quit; recapping was ruining my marriage. 409 00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,488 There were so many shows, I couldn't keep up. 410 00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:32,159 It's true. Currently there are over 500 scripted shows 411 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,327 on network, cable, and streaming. 412 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,629 Why are you making so many shows? 413 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,232 No one could watch more than 300 of them. 414 00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:40,967 Oh, we don't care if people watch. 415 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,802 We just care if they subscribe 416 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,805 -for $13 a month. -(gasps) 417 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,907 You see, if people subscribe but don't watch, 418 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,310 then we don't actually have to make the shows. 419 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,046 We just need viewers to believe they can watch them. 420 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,481 Fake shows? 421 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,982 But what if people try to see them? 422 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,351 They won't, because recappers like you 423 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,387 will give those shows a B-minus. 424 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,090 No one ever watches a B-minus. 425 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,991 But, but that's crazy. 426 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,526 It could never work. 427 00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:07,860 It already has. 428 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,430 Are you familiar with the USA Network? 429 00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:14,367 Sure. Royal Pains, Suits, White Collar. 430 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:17,270 Have you ever seen any of those shows? 431 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,772 No, but somebody must have... 432 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,274 Surely somebody... 433 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,543 There is no USA Network. 434 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,545 There hasn't been for 20 years. 435 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,614 It's just bus ads! 436 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,116 Oh, my God. 437 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,951 Peak TV is a lie. 438 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,786 Your plan is insane. 439 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,088 Perhaps. 440 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,023 But not as insane as making... 441 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:41,027 that... many... shows. 442 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,630 I never had faith in God or family, 443 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,266 but I had faith in television. 444 00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,801 And I won't let you do this to Him. 445 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:53,373 I have everything you said recapped right here. 446 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,974 And I'm gonna tell the whole world 447 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,444 every detail of your terrible plan. 448 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,314 Hey, there's half a birthday cake in the break room. 449 00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,715 Mind if I...? 450 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,651 All right, I get it, I get it. 451 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,626 (panting) 452 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,962 No, no, you can't close the circus. 453 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,131 There's got to be a way to keep this place running. 454 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,467 If we only had 50 grand, we could start over 455 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,302 with a new name and a new act. 456 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,737 Yeah. We can get the Flying Branzinos. 457 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,807 Nobody pickpockets a crowd like those guys. 458 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,578 (crying): But we don't have the 50 grand. 459 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,781 (sobs) The circus is done. 460 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,649 (Krusty and Bart gasp) 461 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,251 No, no, listen. 462 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,753 (groans) I can get you your money. 463 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,955 With this. 464 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,691 You're gonna teach us to read? 465 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,026 No. I'm Krusty. 466 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,928 (circus folk gasp) 467 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,698 -(Krusty grunts) -(gasping) 468 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,132 Hey-hey. 469 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,469 ♪ 470 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,349 (cheering) 471 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,992 On the count of attempted murder of Homer Simpson, 472 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:22,462 the jury finds Herschel Krustofsky... 473 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,130 not guilty? 474 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,131 (all gasp) 475 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,166 It was self-defense, Your Honor. 476 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,238 That recapper gave Krusty's show bad grades. 477 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,640 It was justifiable Homer-cide. 478 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,309 He gave Outlander a B-minus. 479 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:39,646 That show knows what it wants to be. Come on. 480 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:43,483 Ooh, I've heard that gets really good about eight episodes in. 481 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,151 Krusty, you're free to go. 482 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,086 -(laughs) -Mmm. 483 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:48,588 (elephant trumpets) 484 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,992 Is there room on that train for one more clown? 485 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,894 Well, he did save the circus. 486 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,329 What do you say, Scuzzo? 487 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:59,332 (crying): Please, I'm not Krusty anymore. 488 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,601 I'm a circus clown. 489 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,737 I'm Soggy. 490 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,006 You're a, you're a TV clown. 491 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,577 The greatest TV clown I've ever had the honor to know. 492 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,078 But you're a traitor to our kind. 493 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:13,246 -(grunts) -(groans) 494 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,515 ♪ 495 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,117 -(grunts) -(groans) 496 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,126 Goodbye, circus. 497 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,561 Goodbye. 498 00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,597 (gurgles) 499 00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:38,271 -(Mr. Teeny grumbles) -Another terrible show. 500 00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:41,274 -Thanks a lot, Chris Pine. -(chatters) 501 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,611 And now the bad recap. 502 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,880 They always find some new chump to tear me down. 503 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,749 "A"? I got an "A"? 504 00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,818 Everything I've ever done has been great! 505 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,820 I'll never be sad again. 506 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,822 (both chuckling) 507 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,490 "A" is for Ralph. 508 00:20:57,524 --> 00:21:03,463 (Krusty yelling) 509 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,797 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 510 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,098 (whistle blows) 511 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,505 Dad, look, they posted our story this morning. 512 00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:14,474 Hmm. 513 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:17,477 Together we've exposed the truth. 514 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:20,146 It'll be the one legitimate piece of journalism 515 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,748 on the whole site. 516 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,651 What's with this boring Peak TV article? 517 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:27,587 My patience is growing shorter than Rachel Maddow's crew cut. 518 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,456 How many times do I have to tell you: 519 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:30,990 no bait, no clicks. 520 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:32,625 Hey, you, yeah, gummy bear, 521 00:21:32,659 --> 00:21:34,927 put up a slideshow that'll get me some eyeballs. 522 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,363 Eyeballs! 523 00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:38,365 (birds chirping) 524 00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:40,400 (computer chimes) 525 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,038 Ooh. 526 00:21:49,075 --> 00:21:51,077 Shh!