1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,464
<i>CHORUS SINGS:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,384
(theme song plays)

3
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,677
D-ohh!

4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:11,678
(screams)

5
00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:13,096
(tires screeching)

6
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:16,182
( <i>Get Smart </i>theme playing)

7
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:28,987
Eh!

8
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,422
(floor creaking)

9
00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:52,093
Okay, Mother’s Day
gift check.

10
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,386
Let’s see what you got.

11
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,931
I picked Mom a bouquet
of Erigeron elatiors.

12
00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,100
Daisies.

13
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,978
Flowers.

14
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:04,647
Hmm?

15
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,858
Oh, flow... yeah.

16
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:07,984
Lis, your stupid present

17
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,569
will only last a week.

18
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:11,988
<i>Mine </i>will sit in a closet
for years.

19
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,699
Bart, we made her
the same thing.

20
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,618
Aw, this is even worse
than you think.

21
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:18,495
Look.

22
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:21,664
Kids, we’re going
Mother’s Day shopping.

23
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,250
I’m glad this holiday
only comes every four years.

24
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,670
Let’s see,
what would she like?

25
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,339
Twenty on the trifecta?

26
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,717
Her wedding china back?

27
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,177
(gasps)

28
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,723
I could get Marge
a new window

29
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,101
just like this one.

30
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,020
Hey, Dad, why don’t we try
the Sprawl-Mart?

31
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,897
Yeah, I love Sprawl-Mart.

32
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,440
They’ve got everything.

33
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:50,110
Even Christian videos
with talking vegetables.

34
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:51,778
Mighty Yamses,

35
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:54,823
we are weary of building
your food pyramid.

36
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:58,076
Let my pickles go!

37
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,995
Mm, Moses.
(drooling)

38
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,460
Welcome to Sprawl-Mart.

39
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,921
Grandpa?
You have a job?

40
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:11,506
How dare you challenge
my perceptions

41
00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:12,799
of what old people
can do.

42
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,259
I’m a greeter.

43
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,303
I’m here to make
every visit special.

44
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,223
And to size up
potential shoplifters.

45
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:25,103
Like I can’t shoplift
with my mouth.

46
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,312
(muffled):
Haw, haw.

47
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:30,400
Wow, look at
all this stuff.

48
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:34,028
Oh, look, Jaclyn Smith has
her own line of axe heads.

49
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,738
Yeah,
it’s impressive,

50
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,366
but I still haven’t found
the perfect gift for Marge.

51
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:41,202
Only imperfect stuff for me.

52
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,164
Hey, look,
it’s Hairy Ass Tubman.

53
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,415
(both laughing)

54
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:49,085
Well, well, if it isn’t
Fatty and Smell-Ma.

55
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,004
Your names can’t hurt us.

56
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,673
(grunts)

57
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:54,757
Oh.

58
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,759
Aunts Patty and Selma,

59
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,053
can you help us pick out
a Mother’s Day gift?

60
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,555
You can give her
one of these.

61
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,223
The Kitchen Carnival.

62
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,392
We got one
when we appeared

63
00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,144
on an episode
of <i>The Price is Right,</i>

64
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:09,272
which the network
refused to air.

65
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:12,317
Apparently, we’re not
"TV pretty."

66
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,484
Wow, it’s a machine

67
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,612
that makes carnival food
at home.

68
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:19,782
"Endorsed by the American
Carny Association."

69
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,326
Wow.

70
00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:23,620
I never thought
I’d say this,

71
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,039
but you slags
are all right.

72
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,124
All this attention.

73
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,751
I feel like a secretary

74
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,128
on Administrative
Professionals' Day.

75
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,755
Marge, you’re going to
love my present.

76
00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:37,884
It is so thoughtful,
it makes the kids’ gifts
look like crap.

77
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:39,510
(both groaning)

78
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,890
"Kitchen Carnival"?

79
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,892
I love it!

80
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,228
Thank you, Homie.

81
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,355
Oh, Marge,
get a room.

82
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,522
(humming tune)

83
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,400
(carnival music playing)

84
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:18,466
Only my hairdresser
knows for sure.

85
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:31,437
Hmm, dare I pour caramel
over the cotton candy?

86
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:36,025
(insane laughter)

87
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,111
(thunder crashes)

88
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:40,238
(insane laughter continues)

89
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:48,037
I’m going to pour caramel
on my clothes,

90
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,832
and then finally
I can eat my shorts.

91
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,835
(both scream)

92
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,545
What is that?!

93
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:59,507
This is 85 pounds
of tooth-melting sugar.

94
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:00,508
Dig in.

95
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:04,178
(noisy chewing)

96
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,222
That’s it, kids.

97
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,975
Suckle Daddy’s
sugar ball.

98
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,854
♪♪

99
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,453
Chief, that guys shouldn’t be
in the carpool lane.

100
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,122
His passenger is just
a big piece of candy.

101
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:32,457
I wish mine was.

102
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:33,875
-What?
-Nothing.

103
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,632
Homer, are you
spooning that snack?

104
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,343
That’s my old lady.

105
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:49,557
(snoring)

106
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,434
Huh?
Ants!

107
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,393
(birds chirping)

108
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,394
Birds!

109
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:54,479
(cat meowing)

110
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:57,065
Cats!

111
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,483
Flanderses!

112
00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:02,028
(sobbing)

113
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:06,240
I was saving sugar
for my wedding night.

114
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,035
Homie, it’s time
you got rid of that thing.

115
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,329
All the candy
is rotting your brain.

116
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,333
I think you should
get rid of her.

117
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:18,336
Then we can be together...
forever!

118
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,588
Maybe you’re right,
Marge.

119
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,924
Or maybe you’re right,
candy ball.

120
00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:24,342
No, Marge.

121
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:25,802
Hmm, then again...

122
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,679
No, Marge.
Definitely Marge.

123
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,484
Good-bye, old friend.

124
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,320
I’ll think of you whenever
I have a stroke
or a heart attack.

125
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,988
(grunting)

126
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,074
POW!

127
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,160
(growling)

128
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,287
Oh, my God,
I’m gonna be killed by a bear.

129
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,789
Well, I guess I don’t
have to worry anymore

130
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:55,957
about the dangers of smoking.

131
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,752
Smooth.

132
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,629
-(whimpering)
-(roaring)

133
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:14,475
Homie!

134
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,977
What happened to you?!

135
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,103
Marge, please.

136
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,729
I’m too upset
to talk about it.

137
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:22,316
But seeing you like this
is more than I can bear.

138
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,443
Bear?!

139
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,569
(screaming)

140
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,279
<i>BROCKMAN:</i>
<i>The angry president woke up,</i>

141
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,573
<i>crawled out of his grave</i>
<i>and went back to work.</i>

142
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,533
<i>(chicken clucking)</i>

143
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:33,703
<i>That sound can mean</i>
<i>only one thing--</i>

144
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:37,206
<i>it’s time for another</i>
<i>installment of "Kent’s</i>
<i>Cowards."</i>

145
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,960
<i>Today’s clip comes straight</i>
<i>from the Springfield dump.</i>

146
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,670
<i>(snarling)</i>

147
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,964
Dad, you got attacked
by a bear?

148
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,091
I did a lot of stuff today.

149
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,342
I went to Starbucks,

150
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,261
but you didn’t see <i>that</i>
on tape.

151
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:52,054
<i>(whimpering)</i>

152
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,891
<i>(crying)</i>

153
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:58,352
<i>(sobbing)</i>

154
00:07:58,436 --> 00:07:59,270
<i>Ah.</i>

155
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,063
<i>Ah.</i>

156
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,858
<i>(whimpering)</i>

157
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,116
<i>(whimpering)</i>

158
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:20,291
<i>(chuckling)</i>
<i>That hilarious footage</i>
<i>was shot by</i>

159
00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:22,210
<i>local hunter</i>
<i>Grant Conner--</i>

160
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:25,004
<i>not with a gun,</i>
<i>but with a camera.</i>

161
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,339
<i>That’s right, Kent.</i>

162
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,883
<i>I often get guns</i>
<i>and cameras confused.</i>

163
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:32,094
<i>One time, tragically,</i>
<i>at a wedding...</i>

164
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,680
I don’t care if they think
you’re a coward, Dad.

165
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,600
You did the right thing,
hiding and crying.

166
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,769
Yeah, we’d rather have
a live sissy

167
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,772
mincing around the house
than some dead hero any day.

168
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,357
Choke on your candor!

169
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,818
-(grunting)
-(choking)

170
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,529
You can strangle Bart,

171
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,531
but you can’t strangle
your humiliation.

172
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,448
It’s a deal.

173
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,533
-(grunting)
-(choking)

174
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:59,664
Hey, Simpson,
I heard your dad’s afraid

175
00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:02,041
of a little old
giant grizzly bear.

176
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:04,210
The only thing my dad’s
afraid of

177
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,878
is paying child support.

178
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:09,549
My dad once beat up
six employees at KFC,

179
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,176
and he’d been up
for three days.

180
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,261
<i>SMITHERS:</i>
<i>Homer Simpson,</i>

181
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:16,013
<i>report to Mr. Burns’ office</i>
<i>immediately.</i>

182
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,101
(screams)

183
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:22,353
(whimpering)

184
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,313
(all laughing)

185
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,441
What a delightful
practically-based joke.

186
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,073
Hello?

187
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:35,700
Anyone home?

188
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:38,619
Marge? Maggie?

189
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:45,418
(screaming)

190
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,878
<i>The Bear Went Over</i>
<i>the Mountain?!</i>

191
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,922
<i>The Berenstain Bears?!</i>

192
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,300
Ah, <i>Goldilocks.</i>

193
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,177
<i>And Three Bears?!</i>

194
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,477
Oh, God,
they’re in our food.

195
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,022
Teddy Grahams, Gummi Bears.

196
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,609
("Teddy Bear’s Picnic"
playing)

197
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,324
Are you a Care Bear?

198
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,701
I’m an intensive <i>care bear.</i>

199
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,995
Why does a bear
need a crowbar?

200
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:24,874
I don’t like
to get my hands dirty.

201
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,292
-("Mexican Hat Dance" playing)
-(screams)

202
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,293
(bears growling)

203
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:30,129
(sobbing)

204
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:32,006
Crying in the corner,
huh?

205
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,841
Mind if I join you?

206
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,134
No, go ahead.

207
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,761
(sobbing)

208
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:40,806
(both sobbing)

209
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,017
All right, that’s enough,
Fraidy Sue.

210
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,769
Here’s what
you got to do:

211
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:46,771
Find that bear
that whupped you,

212
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,022
and whup him back.

213
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,815
Can I fight
human-style?

214
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,984
By slowly poisoning
his environment

215
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,487
until he loses his fur
and becomes sterile?

216
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,822
You cowardly Swede.

217
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,783
You face that bear
like a man,

218
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:00,993
or I’ll never speak
to you again.

219
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,244
But how will I find out

220
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,413
what you had for lunch
in 1928?

221
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,415
I have a web site.

222
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,668
<i>Welcome to my home page.</i>

223
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,920
<i>Why don’t you visit</i>
<i>more often?</i>

224
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,676
Mr. Simpson,
if you want to
find that bear

225
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,968
that attacked you,

226
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,512
use this.

227
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:23,182
It tracks an electronic tag
I stuck in the bear’s ear.

228
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,934
It’s the same technology

229
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,769
they use to keep tabs
on Gary Busey.

230
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:30,648
Finally, science has joined
forces with revenge.

231
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:34,527
Now, listen, the bull grizzly
is seven feet tall,

232
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,404
weighs more than
a Mazda Miata

233
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,988
and can tear
through a tree

234
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,241
like a Jewish mother
through self-esteem.

235
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,701
Next time you face him,

236
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:45,246
you better have some way
to protect yourself.

237
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,543
<i>♪ It’s the eye</i>
<i>of the tiger ♪</i>

238
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,586
<i>♪ It’s the thrill</i>
<i>of the fight ♪</i>

239
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:57,258
<i>♪ Risin’ up to the challenge</i>
<i>of our rival... ♪</i>

240
00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:59,093
Looking good.

241
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:01,011
And I did it all without
wasting money

242
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,930
on one of those stupid
welder’s masks.

243
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,349
(sizzling)

244
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:09,353
Behold! The ultimate
in anti-bear technolgy:

245
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:11,439
The Bear Buster 5000.

246
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,399
Available wherever
fat men dream.

247
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:20,948
(fanfare music)

248
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:23,159
Oh, dear Lord.

249
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:24,493
Check it out, ladies.

250
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,079
A suit that makes me
completely invulnerable

251
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,080
to bear attack.

252
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,457
-(gasps)
-(laughs)

253
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:32,001
Homer, there’s no rear
on that thing.

254
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,920
I know. If I get really scared,
I don’t want to ruin the suit.

255
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:38,549
Now look here, Mister,
I forbid you to fight a bear.

256
00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:40,384
What kind of example
would I be

257
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,303
if I didn’t take revenge
on things?

258
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,930
Dad, you can’t take
revenge on an animal.

259
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,599
That’s the whole point
of <i>Moby Dick.</i>

260
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,768
Lisa, the point
of <i>Moby Dick</i>

261
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,686
is "be yourself."

262
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,522
You’re not going,
and that’s final.

263
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,983
(sputtering)
Fine.

264
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:59,320
But do you know how
ridiculous you look right now?

265
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:02,573
(clanking)

266
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:08,078
Marge, are you awake?

267
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,039
Marge?

268
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,374
(chuckles)

269
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:16,170
(grunting)

270
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:20,591
(loud clanking)

271
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,802
(door creaking)

272
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,261
Hmm?

273
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,554
(chuckling)

274
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,307
Marge is sure going
to be steamed

275
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,768
-when she finds you missing.
-Or dead.

276
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:34,939
Gentlemen, sometimes a man
must put his marriage at risk

277
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:37,858
for reasons that are
confusing even to him.

278
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,111
You’re sneaking out
to fight that bear.

279
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,112
I want to go, too.

280
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,364
No way.

281
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,406
If something
happens to me,

282
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,408
you have to carry on
the Simpson name.

283
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:47,660
Screw that.
When I grow up,

284
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,912
I’m legally changing
my name to Joe Kickass.

285
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,497
That is so cool.

286
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,498
All right, you can come.

287
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,418
Lisa, I think
your father just left.

288
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,796
And Bart’s missing,
too.

289
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:00,923
I’ve got a bad feeling
about this.

290
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,967
Let’s check
the suit closet.

291
00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:06,011
Suit, suit, astronaut outfit,
Southern Belle,

292
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,973
Renaissance dandy,
Country-western octopus...

293
00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:09,974
(gasps)

294
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,350
It’s gone.

295
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,602
That man
and his foolish pride.

296
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,104
We’ve got to go
follow him.

297
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:16,856
(grunts)

298
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,525
I just wanted to see
what it was like.

299
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,110
(Southern accent):
Howdy, y’all.

300
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:24,530
If you don’t like my song,
I’ll spray you with ink.

301
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,282
(chuckles)

302
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:31,871
Wow, I never realized
how hot this suit is.

303
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,789
I’m sweating out
all my blood lust.

304
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,791
Why don’t you take
a bath in the river?

305
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,085
This bear tracker stopped
beeping a half hour ago.

306
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,670
Suh-weet.

307
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,051
Hey, the batteries
are missing from this thing.

308
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,345
Yeah, we borrowed them
for the radio.

309
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:51,473
<i>♪ Skyrockets in flight ♪</i>

310
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,059
<i>♪ Afternoon delight... ♪</i>

311
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:57,146
Rub-a-dub-dub,
I’m washing the blub.

312
00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:01,317
(roaring)

313
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:05,029
Oh, my God!
Lenny! Carl! Bart!

314
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:07,406
<i>♪ Rubbing sticks and stones</i>
<i>together makes</i>
<i>the sparks ignite ♪</i>

315
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,033
(Homer screaming)

316
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,827
<i>♪ And the thought of loving</i>
<i>you is getting so exciting ♪</i>

317
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,662
<i>♪ Skyrockets in flight... ♪</i>

318
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:24,048
Mr. Connor, thank you
for helping find my husband.

319
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,300
I don’t want my last words
to him to be,

320
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:28,761
"Clip your toenails.
They look like Fritos."

321
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,512
Mom! Mom!

322
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,931
Stop the car!

323
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:34,850
Dad went to take a bath,
and the bear carried him off!

324
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,727
Yeah, it almost wrecked
the whole trip.

325
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:40,731
Ma’am, I will find
your husband
before that bear kills him.

326
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,107
But first, a snack.

327
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,326
(roaring)

328
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,244
I guess this is it.

329
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,830
If I’m gonna die,
I’m gonna die a man.

330
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,958
(loud roaring)

331
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,709
-(electronic zapping)
-(groaning roars)

332
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,671
(whimpering)

333
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,548
Is this thing
hurting you?

334
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:07,758
Hm.

335
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,468
-(electronic zapping)
-Yow!

336
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,471
(screaming hysterically)

337
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,932
(yelling incoherently)

338
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:18,727
(panting)

339
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,063
Okay,
it’s probably the tag.

340
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,023
But just to be sure...

341
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,358
-(electronic zapping)
-Ow! Aah!

342
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:29,405
(continues screaming
hysterically)

343
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,535
Hey, you’re not mean.

344
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:37,788
It <i>was </i>just this tag
that made you go ape-scat.

345
00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,248
We’re not so different.

346
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:40,791
Give me a hug.

347
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,170
(chuckles)

348
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:50,134
Geez! I don’t know why bear hugs
enjoy such a great reputation.

349
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:55,556
<i>SONNY & CHER:</i>
<i>♪ I guess that’s so,</i>
<i>we don’t have a pot ♪</i>

350
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,433
<i>♪ But at least I’m sure ♪</i>

351
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,809
-(growls)
<i>-♪ Of all the things ♪</i>

352
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,562
<i>♪ We got ♪</i>

353
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:02,563
<i>♪ Babe ♪</i>

354
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,026
-(giggling)
<i>-♪ I got you, babe ♪</i>

355
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,569
(grunts)

356
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,070
<i>-♪ I got you, babe... ♪</i>
-(laughing)

357
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,613
That’s... that’s funny.

358
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:12,906
(gunshot ricochets)

359
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,493
Oh, no.

360
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:19,329
The hunter has become
the hunter.

361
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,165
He must be
following <i>this </i>thing.

362
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,499
Well, I’m going to make sure

363
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,002
it never harms
another living creature.

364
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,795
(grunts)

365
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,380
(electronic zapping)

366
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,594
<i>NEWSMAN (over radio):</i>
A killer bear is on the loose

367
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,388
<i>in Springfield Forest,</i>
<i>and local laughingstock</i>
<i>Homer Simpson</i>

368
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,557
<i>is missing and presumed mauled.</i>

369
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,935
(chuckles):
Wrong again, liberal media.

370
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,105
<i>A bounty has been placed</i>
<i>on the rogue bear</i>

371
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,649
<i>in the amount of $10,000.</i>

372
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,943
Don’t worry,
I’ll find you someplace safe.

373
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,533
The bear’s no
longer wearing his
tracking device.

374
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,368
And it looks like
he’s headed toward that...

375
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,704
(mocking):
wildlife sanctuary.

376
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,790
Is there any sign
of my husband?

377
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:07,002
Hmm, your husband appears
to be traveling with the bear,

378
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,756
either as hostage
or as what we call
a "forest bride."

379
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:11,673
Ew!

380
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,887
Okay, you want to go
over there.

381
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:19,890
(neon sign buzzing)

382
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,017
Wait. Hold on.

383
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,644
Something
doesn’t feel right.

384
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,733
(groaning)

385
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,151
Wait. Stop.

386
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,028
I know bullets
can be scary sometimes,

387
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,155
but I have an idea.

388
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:38,408
First,
we pull off all your fur.

389
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,077
(loud roaring)

390
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,079
All right, all right,
I’m still thinking.

391
00:18:42,162 --> 00:18:45,749
(gasps):
They’re looking
for a male bear, right?

392
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,334
(growls)

393
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:50,754
Oh. It’s so easy to condemn,
so hard to create.

394
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,924
Okay, boys, that bear’s going
to make a dash for freedom,

395
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:57,010
unless we take him down.

396
00:18:57,094 --> 00:19:00,097
Yeah, all the way down.

397
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:03,642
What you said
didn’t really add much.

398
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:07,312
I know.
I just wanted to belong.

399
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:11,775
Well, we all feel that way
sometimes.

400
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,776
(all racking slides)

401
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:16,029
(metal clanking)

402
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,865
It’s Homer! Don’t shoot!

403
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,496
(quietly):
Go. Go.

404
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,789
It’s that bear!

405
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:28,542
Aim for the holes
in the colander!

406
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:36,425
He made it!

407
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,802
He’s finally
protected from man.

408
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,305
Yeah, but now he’s being
attacked by an elephant.

409
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:45,309
(trumpeting)

410
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:48,520
Well, I’m proud
of you, Homie.

411
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,023
You set out to
fight an animal,

412
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:53,400
and you ended up
saving its life.

413
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:56,320
What can I say?
I love nature.

414
00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:01,241
Circle of life.

415
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,459
(theme song plays)

416
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,212
Captioned by VISUAL DATA

417
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:48,538
Shh!

418
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,669
Enhanced by Fotokem