Good grief, this candy’s terrible.
Circus peanuts, raisins, nicotine gum,
a library card...
You got all the good stuff!
And yet I’m still not satisfied.
(gulping)
Aah, you thieving hussy!
(choking)
Ow!
Aah! Ow!
(grunts)
You kids have got to learn
that actions have consequences!
(angry grunt)
Eat fire, punks!
-Whoa! -What the--
I’m still cold.
Will everyone please stop fighting and burning!
Never!
(enraged roar)
-Beat the lumps. -Hey!
-Beat the lumps. Beat the lumps. -BART: Ay, caramba!
Homie, I disagree with your approach to the children.
-(grunting) -(gunshot)
-(yells) -(racking slide)
-(gunshot) -HOMER: Yeow!
Pathetic humans!
They’re showing a Halloween episode in November!
Who’s still thinking about Halloween?
We’ve already got our Christmas decorations up!
KANG AND KODOS: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
♪♪
(knocking)
(deep, sepulchral voice): I am Death!
Death? We don’t want any.
I have come for Bart Simpson.
Bart, run like the "wined"!
Mom, it’s "wind."
Well, I’ve only read it in books.
(Benny Hill Show theme song plays)
(scythe clangs)
Ooh!
Why you little...
(clang)
(ghoulish music plays)
Please, don’t take me! Take Milhouse.
We all know there’s no happy ending there.
Your time is up.
This is for Snowball One and JFK!
(grunts)
Ow!
Cool.
Dad, do you realize what you’ve done?
You’ve created a world without Death.
Does this mean they’ll never cancel the Jim Belushi Show?
I guess so.
Nooooo!
LISA: A world without death.
(gunshots)
(yelling)
Frankie the Squealer, why won’t you die?
Ohh! If I knew, I’d tell ya, I swear!
(yelling)
I’d better call my wife... tell her I’ll be late.
(gunshots)
(sighs)
If I knew this would take so long, I’d have put on the TV.
Pizza!
Money’s on the counter. No tip.
Aah, you miserable bastard!
That’s why I’m up here.
Death...
Death, we miss you so much.
You were a busboy in the restaurant of life,
clearing away the oldies and the sickies and the chokies.
And you made NASCAR racing exciting.
Homer, it’s trash day.
Will you just take him out to the curb?
I’ll curb him... without enthusiasm.
Ooh, this robe’s pretty soft.
Check it out!
I finally found a dead guy’s clothes that fit me!
(all scream)
What? It’s not...
(screams): My hand!
What’s happening?
Dad, you’ve become the new Grim Reaper!
No way. Forget it.
I might occasionally kill out of anger
or to illustrate a point, but I am not a Grim Reaper!
-(robe tightens in) -Ow! O-o-oh!
I’ll reap! I’ll reap already!
HOMER: Jasper...
your time has come!
Where’s the regular guy? Where’s Doug?
Never mind. I’m Death now.
(disappointed sigh)
I liked Doug.
Ahh!
"My Dad’s Job."
My dad’s job takes him to all parts of the community.
He performs a valuable service but is often misunderstood,
like a vulture or the flesh-eating maggot.
Would anyone like to see Mr. Simpson harvest a soul?
Yeah! I would!
Me! Me!
You said something about a hot meal?
(clears throat)
(body slumps to floor)
(children cheering)
("Charge" plays)
Oh, man, these seats suck.
Leave everything to me.
Pardon me, coming through,
rest in peace, you’re dead,
take a dirt nap, feed the worms...
(rhythmic sputter)
CROWD: Hey!
Oh!
Hmm.
Dad, were all those people on the list?
-I don’t know. -(thud)
Okay, who am I giving the finger to today?
(gasps in horror)
Not this! Anything but this!
Uh...
What was that first one again?
(suspenseful music)
(groaning): Oh...
(piercing scream)
(chopping sounds)
♪♪
Okay, God, I bumped off the love of my life,
according to Your divine whim.
Now release me from this ghastly vocation.
GOD: No!
Come on!
GOD: All right.
Whoo-hoo!
GOD: Hey, wait a minute!
This isn’t Marge.
This is her fat sister, Selma.
It’s Patty, chump!
(laughs)
(engine revving)
(screeching)
GOD: Doggone it! I am too old and too rich for this.
Thanks for not killing me, Homie.
Here’s an extra pork chop.
(chuckles)
I’m gonna not kill you every week.
(all laugh)
(ringing)
Yello?
Sir, I’m honored to inform you
that you’ve won the Nobel Prize.
The Nobel Prize!
Finally.
So, uh, it’s for what, my whole deal?
This is Professor John Frink, isn’t it?
If I say "no," do I still win?
I’ll tell Professor Frink he’s won.
(speaking Swedish)
PROF. FRINK: Great Glayvin in a glass!
The Nobel Prize.
They must have awarded it to me for my invention
of a hammer with a screwdriver on the other end.
It’s mildly convenient.
Just for that?
It was a slow year, yes.
I only wish my dear father were here to see me win.
Is there a problem with your father?
Well, our relationship was never great.
Mother used to say we got along
like positrons and anti-neutrinos.
(laughing): Oh, yes... I’m a geek.
I was always a disappointment to him.
You see, he was one of those he-man scientists
who worked on the atom bomb by day
and slept with Marilyn Monroe by night
and sold secrets to the Russians at lunch.
The last time I saw him alive, he was going to study sharks.
I don’t want to go
on this oceanographic expedition, Father.
I get seasick taking a shower.
Clean but nauseous.
"Clean but nauseous,"
with the rolling and the heaving
and the you make me sick.
You’ve disgraced the name of John Nerdlebaum Frink.
-But, Father, I... -(boat horn blows)
(cries)
We never spoke again.
Well, where is he now?
Maybe I can help you two patch up your differences.
Uh, you’ll need to patch up more than that.
(gasps): Did a shark do that?
Yes, he was testing out
a new blood-based suntan lotion.
You know, now that I have my hammer-screwdriver
I could reanimate him
without the needless switching of tools.
That’s always tedious and annoying.
(thunder)
(sizzling)
I’m alive!
With the breathing and the tingling
and the what’s this radiator where my pupik should be?
Oh, Papa, you’re back!
Now, we had to replace several vital organs with machinery,
but that doesn’t make you any less of a man.
Except you have no penis...
in the traditional sense.
So, what am I, some kind of a tin can man
from Planet Tomorrow?
Sir, your son has brought you into the 21st century.
It’s a lot like the 20th,
except everybody’s afraid and the stock market is much lower.
Polly don’t like that cracker.
I’m getting me a real spleen,
and then I’m gonna vent it on you, boychik.
Oy! Shoving.
It almost sounded like he plans to tear organs
out of living people.
Well, that’s my dad.
You can’t stop him.
(humming)
Hey, 700 Club.
You look like a healthy specimen.
Well, I did finish first in the Walk For The Cure...
of homosexuality.
Say "ah," baby.
Ah...
(choking)
I’m dying!
And there’s Heaven.
But who’s that?
Confucius?
And Milton Berle?
Boy, have I been barking up the wrong tree.
Nice posture.
Oh, thank you.
Mother always said a curvy spine
is the devil’s roller coaster.
Hey, you can’t have that.
(screams)
Lost your spine, huh?
You just keep finding new ways to disappoint me.
("Stayin’ Alive" by the Bee Gees plays)
There you are.
Have you stopped to think about
who you’re hurting with this rampage?
The people I’ve killed?
No. Your son!
On the biggest day of his life, when he accepts the Nobel Prize,
you’re not gonna be there.
Oh, dear God.
I’ve let my organ lust come between me and my son.
(cries)
But it’s not too late.
You can still fly to Stockholm.
Well, it’d better be first class.
Comic Book Guy’s ass won’t fit in coach.
You may keep my posterior,
just please return the "Jabba the Butt" tattoo.
(blows whistle)
ANNOUNCER: He explored the behavior of individual molecules
in a chemical reaction.
She’s the sexy star of Alias.
Please welcome Nobel Laureate Dr. Dudley Herschbach
and Emmy Nominee Jennifer Garner.
(applause)
♪ She blinded me with science ♪
You know, Dr. Herschbach,
our jobs are actually not that different.
I disagree.
Winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics:
Professor John Frink.
(applause)
Hi. Thank you.
This is a tremendous honor.
However, I can’t help being somewhat disheartened
that my father has become a marauding ghoul.
Not anymore, Son.
(gasps)
I’m here to accept the Nobel Prize for stupid.
Can you forgive me?
Oh, good Glayvin, Dad.
You’ve made receiving the Nobel Prize
the happiest day of my life.
Oh, the hug is good.
This is what the Nobel Prize is all about.
The science and the love
and that physics we call quantum.
Ain’t that right, people?
(applause)
What a great crowd.
You all have such big hearts
and such big brains...
with large, juicy dripping with knowledge heads.
(gasps)
That’s it,
I’m going smorgasbord on these Poindexters.
(audience gasps)
And I thought Halle Berry went
nuts during her acceptance speech.
I wish I was Death again.
That was cool.
Every brain unlocks more secrets of the universe.
Muffins are surprisingly high in calories.
The pyramids were actually built by Sears.
He’s right.
It all checks out.
(screaming)
(groans)
This is more violent than the Hip Hop Awards.
You’ve got to stop your father.
Yes, but how?
He’s 63 years old...
pressure points here and here...
room temperature is 22 degrees Celsius...
Yes, this should just about do it.
Balzac!
(faint groan)
Oh, Father, you’re dying again.
But I can bring you back to life, sir.
Son, it doesn’t take five brains in your head
to know that’s a bad idea.
You saw I’d become a monster and you stopped me like a man.
I’m proud of you.
And now it’s time for me to go to hell.
Ow, ooh, ooh, ow, oy, oy, ooh, ow, dead.
(crying)
This is the most exciting Nobel Prize ceremony ever.
I disagree.
It must be tough to win the Nobel Prize
and lose your father on the same day.
Oh, I didn’t really lose my father.
Thanks to my latest invention, the soul catcher.
Let’s bring it out and look at it.
FRINK SENIOR’S VOICE: I may be a soul, but I’m hungry.
Can you throw in a little matzo?
Maybe a nice piece of fish.
Why of course, Father.
Allow me to satisfy your Hebraic desires.
That’s a good shmendeleh.
Oh, I’ve waited so long to hear you say that.
What does it mean? Is it dirty?
(ticking)
Ooh, baby! Did I find something to throw out today.
If you like space in the attic,
are you gonna be happy.
Cool! Comics from the ’70s!
BART: Superman vs. Patty Hearst,
Evel Knievel Jumps The Jackson 5,
Batman and Rhoda...
(gasps)
Check out these ads!
Let see, X-Ray Gum...
(gasps)
Cool.
Milhouse, do you have your change purse?
MILHOUSE: Always!
(doorbell rings)
Here you go, son.
"To stop time, click watch."
(ticking)
(ticking stops
Wow, she looks like a background character
in a Hanna Barbera cartoon.
"To restart time, click watch again."
What the...?!
Lisa, that’s a filthy habit.
(chuckles maniacally)
If we’re both touching the watch,
neither of us will be affected.
Do you realize what this means?
Yeah... but you say it first.
We can do anything we want!
Let’s get really far ahead on our homework!
Wait till the other kids see
we’re already on the red unit
of Adventures In Reading.
(moans)
SKINNER: Due to budget cuts,
music class will now have a two-drink minimum.
Cranapple juice only counts as one. And...
(gasps)
My slacks! They’ve descended!
(laughing)
(quiet giggle)
What the...? Ooh.
D-oh!
I can’t go on.
(whimpering, moaning)
(crying)
Haw...
Haw?!
(laughing)
(watch ticking)
People, Springfield is in crisis.
Fingers have been shoved up noses,
pants have been pulled down, and...
Mayors... have... been... repeatedly...
humiliated. Dammit!
(angry grumbling)
I thought our mysterious pranksters
might be here tonight,
so I covered the meeting hall with ultraviolet powder.
Behold the perpetrators!
(electrical buzzing)
(all gasp)
It was those guys!
Come! Let us kill them
before learning of the magical secret
which they possess.
(angry yelling)
Oh, that was close.
Bart, look at the watch!
Milhouse, we broke the watch!
Do you realize what this means?
Yeah... but you say it first.
(clicking)
Oh, man.
Things are stuck like this forever.
Well, I couldn’t be happier.
I’m the second coolest kid on earth!
(silly humming)
Actually, I guess we can do anything we want
and no one will stop us.
I’m gonna play naked basketball!
No, you’re not.
The family looks good.
Thanks. I just washed them.
Oh, that keeps happening.
Can I punch Oscar de la Hoya for a while?
Just keep it above the belt.
(grunting)
(sighs)
You know, Milhouse,
I thought I’d love eating only frosting
and giving the pope a wedgie.
But I miss being a regular kid in the real world,
getting a hug from my mom...
Yeah, I thought I’d be happy with my parents back together,
but it’s kind of hollow.
All right.
It says here we can learn watch repair in eight one-hour lessons.
Boy, that took forever.
Yeah, well I work better in a structured environment.
Here goes nothing-- Wait!
When people see all the stuff we did,
they’re gonna kill us.
Yeah, and I can’t run too fast
after 15 years of eating nothing but Gummi Worms.
I’m gonna quit tomorrow, I swear!
What we need is a scapegoat.
Okay, acting natural and...
(angry yelling)
To repeat what I said a moment ago:
"You are so dead."
(grunts and groans)
Dios Mio! This kid is fun to hit!
(whistling)
Mmm. Why is Bart so tall and shaggy?
Just one of life’s mysteries.
Like, why is my nose jammed full of army men?
Oh, come on, don’t you get it?
Bart stopped time with his magic stopwatch.
Jealous much?
Why can’t I tinker with the fabric of existence?
Let the baby have her bottle.
Huh. What happens if I press this button?
Lisa!
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
(growls)
Okay, that’s good. Stop there.
♪ Put your glad rags on and join me, hon ♪
♪ We’ll have some fun when the clock strikes one ♪
♪ We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight. ♪
♪♪
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
(screaming)
Enhanced by Fotokem