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00:00:25,048 --> 00:00:26,014
D'oh!
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00:00:40,421 --> 00:00:44,421
♪ The Simpsons 25x05 ♪
Labor Pains
Original Air Date on November 17, 2013
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00:00:44,446 --> 00:00:49,446
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:06,955
Oh!
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00:01:09,592 --> 00:01:12,227
Come on.
Just pick one.
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00:01:19,302 --> 00:01:21,737
Oh. Fine, you can
have your old one.
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00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,080
You can have one of these.
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00:01:33,216 --> 00:01:34,950
Hmph!
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00:01:34,984 --> 00:01:37,286
Did you know some historians
think American football
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00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:39,555
is based on
an ancient Aztec game?
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00:01:39,589 --> 00:01:42,224
It's not American football,
it's just football.
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00:01:42,258 --> 00:01:44,426
Bart, you're not annoyed
that Milhouse asked me
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00:01:44,461 --> 00:01:47,496
to go to the American football
game instead of you?
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00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:50,098
Mom, Lisa's ruining football.
American football.
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00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:53,502
No time for breakfast, Marge.
Just give me a banana.
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00:01:57,307 --> 00:01:59,775
Now, listen. I have
to work late tonight.
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00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:06,582
Again? I was hoping you could
spend some time with the kids.
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00:02:06,616 --> 00:02:09,818
It's a tough economy.
Money doesn't grow on trees.
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00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:12,688
It grows on threes.
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Yeah, I'm out.
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Me, too.
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00:02:16,392 --> 00:02:17,759
Too rich for my blood.
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00:02:17,794 --> 00:02:19,495
I should not have
anted with my blood.
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Whew.
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00:02:21,898 --> 00:02:23,499
You got the touch
tonight, Homer.
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00:02:26,336 --> 00:02:28,637
Nice sunglasses, Lenny.
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00:02:28,671 --> 00:02:30,339
Homer Simpson.
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00:02:30,373 --> 00:02:32,875
Do you really want to keep
cheating your friends,
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00:02:32,909 --> 00:02:34,877
lying to your wife,
and avoiding your kids?
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00:02:34,911 --> 00:02:36,612
What would Jesus do?
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00:02:36,646 --> 00:02:38,280
Hey, you gotta pay
to find out.
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00:02:38,314 --> 00:02:39,448
You looking
for a tell?
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00:02:39,482 --> 00:02:41,450
I don't have one,
my friend.
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00:02:41,484 --> 00:02:43,785
What? What are you
lookin' at?
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00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:45,521
I'd better
call it a night, guys.
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00:02:45,555 --> 00:02:48,023
I don't want to take
any more of your money.
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00:02:48,057 --> 00:02:51,527
Mm. Mm. Mm.
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00:02:51,561 --> 00:02:53,462
Hmm.
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00:02:53,496 --> 00:02:57,299
Who's president now,
Alexander Hamilton?
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00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,867
I think it's Obama.
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00:03:01,404 --> 00:03:03,138
Hold the door,
please.
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00:03:03,172 --> 00:03:05,307
Two minutes apart.
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00:03:05,341 --> 00:03:06,642
Timing the elevators, eh?
Oh.
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00:03:06,676 --> 00:03:08,143
Smart.
Oh.
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00:03:08,177 --> 00:03:09,578
No, no.
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I'm timing
my contractions.
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00:03:11,381 --> 00:03:12,748
I think
I'm in labor.
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Deep in labor.
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Okay, okay,
no worries.
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00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,687
What the...? Oh!
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00:03:18,721 --> 00:03:20,856
Do you have a cell phone?
52
00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:23,725
Everyone has a cell phone.
Mine's at home.
53
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,895
The most beautiful moment
of my life is happening now.
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00:03:29,265 --> 00:03:30,499
Everything will be fine.
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00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:33,068
Um...Oh you, uh,
you like movies?
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00:03:33,102 --> 00:03:35,056
This reminds me of
that scene in Alien.
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00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:35,971
What?
58
00:03:35,972 --> 00:03:38,907
The scene where she escapes
with the cat at the end.
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00:03:38,942 --> 00:03:40,742
Aw, well, that's sweet.
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00:03:40,777 --> 00:03:43,412
Listen, I'm glad I'm not
going through this alone.
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00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,414
I haven't seen
my boyfriend in months.
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00:03:45,448 --> 00:03:48,550
Oh, uh, he was just here.
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00:03:48,585 --> 00:03:49,918
No, he wasn't.
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00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:51,119
But thanks for lying.
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00:03:51,154 --> 00:03:52,921
You like lies?
Here's a few:
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00:03:52,956 --> 00:03:55,724
College is expensive
but it's worth it.
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00:03:55,758 --> 00:03:57,359
I think the baby's coming.
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00:03:57,393 --> 00:03:59,728
Okay Homer, remember
your Lamaze training.
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00:03:59,762 --> 00:04:02,598
Now, this next
position is fantastic
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00:04:02,632 --> 00:04:05,701
for women who are
carrying especially big.
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00:04:05,735 --> 00:04:07,469
Homer, can you demonstrate?
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00:04:07,503 --> 00:04:09,104
Mm-hmm.
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00:04:09,138 --> 00:04:10,372
Mm...
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00:04:10,406 --> 00:04:13,875
Oh. Yeah, wow,
that does feel good.
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00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:15,377
Oh, no, I think
it's coming.
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00:04:15,411 --> 00:04:17,746
Oh, I haven't even
picked a name yet.
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00:04:17,780 --> 00:04:20,048
You did this to me.
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00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:21,049
No, I didn't.
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00:04:21,084 --> 00:04:22,484
I'm talking to the baby.
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00:04:22,518 --> 00:04:24,886
Here it comes.
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00:04:24,921 --> 00:04:27,089
Um, I don't know
how to tell you this,
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00:04:27,123 --> 00:04:30,125
but your baby doesn't have any legs.
What?
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00:04:30,159 --> 00:04:31,326
Oh, wait, there's more.
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00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:32,494
Mm.
85
00:04:34,097 --> 00:04:35,330
It's a dude.
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00:04:35,365 --> 00:04:37,132
And he's uncut.
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00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:38,667
Very Euro.
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00:04:38,701 --> 00:04:40,302
Now, hug your mommy.
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00:04:40,336 --> 00:04:43,271
For unto you is born
this day, in this elevator,
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00:04:43,306 --> 00:04:45,741
inspected in August 2009,
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00:04:45,775 --> 00:04:47,376
a baby.
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00:04:49,812 --> 00:04:52,447
Well, it was nice
to share this moment
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00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:53,915
with someone who cared.
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00:04:53,950 --> 00:04:56,652
Yeah, that guy didn't
even look over once.
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Lobby please.
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00:05:02,058 --> 00:05:04,192
How was work?
97
00:05:04,227 --> 00:05:05,627
Miraculous.
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00:05:05,662 --> 00:05:06,662
Mm?
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00:05:06,696 --> 00:05:09,164
Mothers are so awesome.
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00:05:09,198 --> 00:05:10,365
Oh.
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00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:13,602
These are great seats.
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00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:15,504
You can hear the players
swear from up here.
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00:05:15,538 --> 00:05:18,340
I'll kick your ass, Milhouse.
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00:05:18,374 --> 00:05:21,043
And now, to take your minds
off the massive concussion
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00:05:21,077 --> 00:05:23,345
and subdural hematoma
you just witnessed,
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00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:28,050
please welcome
the Springfield Atomettes.
107
00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:31,186
Now, for this routine,
we need the help
108
00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,422
of a junior Atomette.
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00:05:37,193 --> 00:05:39,194
They're picking me, Dad.
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00:05:39,228 --> 00:05:41,663
Don't call me "Dad." If
people think peanut vendors
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00:05:41,698 --> 00:05:43,331
have families,
it's too sad.
112
00:05:43,366 --> 00:05:45,400
Looks like we've
got a volunteer...
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00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:48,437
right there.
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00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:52,641
Look, while I'd like to help,
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00:05:52,675 --> 00:05:55,310
I'm kind of pessimistic
about the team's chances.
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00:05:55,344 --> 00:05:57,879
They're gonna
get creamed.
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Go, go, go!
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Mm?
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00:06:04,987 --> 00:06:07,022
Uh...
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I'm dating a cheerleader.
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00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:17,866
No, you're not.
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00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,469
Burned again, Milhouse.
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00:06:23,573 --> 00:06:26,208
Wow, that
was great.
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Can I have my regular
clothes back, please?
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No... problem.
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Great job,
ladies.
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00:06:32,648 --> 00:06:34,583
Now here's your
50 bucks each
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00:06:34,617 --> 00:06:37,953
which should just about
cover your parking.
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00:06:37,987 --> 00:06:40,055
I can't believe
he pays you so little.
130
00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:42,390
The crowd was crazy about you.
131
00:06:42,425 --> 00:06:44,726
I know, but what are we
gonna do about it?
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00:06:44,761 --> 00:06:47,095
If we pipe up they'll
put us in the mascot costume.
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00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:48,597
Ew.
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00:06:48,631 --> 00:06:51,666
After you wear that, you need
to be hosed down for bedbugs.
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00:06:53,569 --> 00:06:55,704
Good game, everyone.
I never dreamed
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00:06:55,738 --> 00:06:57,639
a night where you
discovered I was cheating
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00:06:57,673 --> 00:07:00,742
and beat the crap out of me
could end on such an up note.
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00:07:00,777 --> 00:07:01,943
See you next week.
139
00:07:02,979 --> 00:07:04,379
Homer.
140
00:07:04,413 --> 00:07:06,481
Hmm? Hey, Gretchen.
141
00:07:06,516 --> 00:07:08,450
I had your
jacket cleaned.
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00:07:08,484 --> 00:07:10,385
Good as new.
And thanks for loaning me
143
00:07:10,419 --> 00:07:12,053
your sweater
for the ride home.
144
00:07:12,088 --> 00:07:14,289
It may be a little
stretched out.
145
00:07:14,323 --> 00:07:16,625
Geez, that was a
pregnancy sweater.
146
00:07:16,659 --> 00:07:19,628
So, you want to hold
little Homer?
147
00:07:19,662 --> 00:07:22,964
Wow, so nw there's
two things named after me--
148
00:07:22,999 --> 00:07:27,169
a baby, and a law banning
air horns after 3:00 a.m.
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00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:31,072
Aw that's sweet.
150
00:07:38,217 --> 00:07:39,684
Read 'em and weep.
151
00:07:39,718 --> 00:07:41,786
The novels of Charlotte Bronte.
152
00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,355
Um, I thought we were
playing cards.
153
00:07:47,659 --> 00:07:48,960
Uh, hey.
154
00:07:48,994 --> 00:07:50,628
I was just driving by
155
00:07:50,662 --> 00:07:53,197
with some baby stuff
we didn't need
156
00:07:53,232 --> 00:07:56,300
and, uh, well, here's some
diapers Maggie's too big for,
157
00:07:56,335 --> 00:08:01,038
and an incredible educational
toy I forgot to give Bart.
158
00:08:01,073 --> 00:08:04,408
Thanks. Hey, could you
babysit for an hour?
159
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,310
I've been alone
with the baby for days.
160
00:08:06,345 --> 00:08:07,979
Wow, I'd love to help,
161
00:08:08,013 --> 00:08:10,915
but I did kind of have
plans for tonight.
162
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,984
No, you can't leave.
I'm dealin' you in.
163
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,753
Full house?
164
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:18,389
You win again?
165
00:08:18,423 --> 00:08:21,459
I think I'll be good tonight
and stay in with you.
166
00:08:22,861 --> 00:08:27,865
♪ Baby, baby,
please let me hold him ♪
167
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,567
Where's Hoju?
168
00:08:29,601 --> 00:08:31,335
Where's Hoju?
169
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:33,571
Where's Hoju?
170
00:08:33,605 --> 00:08:35,573
Where's Hoju?
171
00:08:35,607 --> 00:08:37,341
Where's Hoju?!
172
00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:39,310
♪ We want to make him
stay up all night ♪
173
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,178
♪ Yeah, we do.
174
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,222
♪ Itchy and Scratchy show.
175
00:08:52,624 --> 00:08:56,427
♪ A child arrived
just the other day ♪
176
00:08:56,461 --> 00:08:57,762
♪ He came to the world
in the usual way ♪
177
00:08:57,796 --> 00:09:00,531
♪ But there were planes
to catch ♪
178
00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:01,766
♪ And bills to pay
179
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,402
♪ He learned to walk
while I was away ♪
180
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:07,538
♪ And he was talking
'fore I knew it ♪
181
00:09:07,572 --> 00:09:11,309
♪ And as he grew, he'd say,
"I'm gonna be like you, Dad" ♪
182
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,944
♪ "You know I'm gonna be
like you" ♪
183
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:18,616
♪ And the cat's
in the cradle... ♪
184
00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:23,054
Kids blow up so fast.
185
00:09:25,657 --> 00:09:27,825
Oh!
Homie?
186
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,394
Aw, you're shopping
ahead for Maggie.
187
00:09:30,429 --> 00:09:32,096
Oh, no, I'm shopping
for Homer Jr.,
188
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:33,764
a baby I delivered
in an elevator
189
00:09:33,799 --> 00:09:35,633
the night I pretended
to go to work
190
00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:36,967
but was really playing poker.
191
00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:38,235
What?!
192
00:09:40,138 --> 00:09:42,306
This simulation has been brought
to you by your brain,
193
00:09:42,341 --> 00:09:44,241
a subsidiary of your penis.
194
00:09:44,276 --> 00:09:48,245
Oh, yes, I'm shopping
for Maggie, our baby together,
195
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,147
so this looks
perfectly innocent.
196
00:09:50,182 --> 00:09:51,949
Why are you saying that?
197
00:09:51,983 --> 00:09:54,185
Oh, you know how
the first few weeks are:
198
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,921
sleep deprived,
walking around in a fog.
199
00:09:56,955 --> 00:09:59,090
First few weeks
of what?
200
00:09:59,124 --> 00:10:00,491
Um, November.
201
00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:05,429
Hey, Atomette.
202
00:10:05,464 --> 00:10:07,198
I want to say... Caitlin?
203
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,100
Lisa. Guys, do you realize
204
00:10:09,134 --> 00:10:11,035
you're being exploited
by this team?
205
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,837
Wha...?
206
00:10:12,871 --> 00:10:14,438
They sell your posters,
207
00:10:14,473 --> 00:10:15,606
workout DVDs,
208
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,774
and all of your practices
209
00:10:16,808 --> 00:10:18,409
are broadcast on a webcam.
210
00:10:24,149 --> 00:10:25,783
And some of the angles
211
00:10:25,817 --> 00:10:28,119
are low.
212
00:10:28,153 --> 00:10:30,020
But don't worry,
collective bargaining
213
00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:32,289
will enable us
to secure concessions.
214
00:10:33,558 --> 00:10:36,527
Uh, we're gonna push 'em back,
215
00:10:36,561 --> 00:10:39,463
push 'em back,
push 'em way, way back.
216
00:10:39,498 --> 00:10:41,198
All the way to a new contract.
217
00:10:41,233 --> 00:10:43,167
'Cause union power is a fact.
218
00:10:43,201 --> 00:10:44,869
And we're...
219
00:10:44,903 --> 00:10:46,337
Okay, okay, we get it.
220
00:10:46,371 --> 00:10:48,305
Well, look who's here.
221
00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:51,308
You been hit by the cheerleading
bug, little lady?
222
00:10:51,343 --> 00:10:55,045
Actually, I've been hit by
the unfair labor practices bug.
223
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,349
What? Why, that's
Samuel Gompers talk.
224
00:10:58,383 --> 00:11:02,052
Now, little missy, the only
thing you should be organizin'
225
00:11:02,087 --> 00:11:03,554
is your dollies.
226
00:11:03,588 --> 00:11:06,891
How? By size, brand, value?
227
00:11:06,925 --> 00:11:09,226
And don't even suggest race,
'cause I don't see that.
228
00:11:09,261 --> 00:11:11,061
I just see little people I own.
229
00:11:11,096 --> 00:11:12,329
What do you say, ladies?
230
00:11:14,099 --> 00:11:16,066
Not right, not fair.
231
00:11:16,101 --> 00:11:18,135
Let's say it with our hair.
232
00:11:23,041 --> 00:11:24,542
Okay, fine.
233
00:11:24,576 --> 00:11:26,210
I'm gonna give it some thought,
234
00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:29,079
then say no
in the nicest way possible.
235
00:11:29,114 --> 00:11:31,115
No.
236
00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:38,022
Oh, good.
237
00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,723
Nice.
238
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,125
"Beat Dallas."
239
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,761
Can never argue
with that.
240
00:11:43,795 --> 00:11:48,232
Hey, ladies. My vest isn't
the only thing that's ripped.
241
00:11:48,266 --> 00:11:50,768
I am in the market
for a backup mistress.
242
00:11:50,802 --> 00:11:52,136
Possibly two.
243
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,038
Have you kids
seen your father?
244
00:11:54,072 --> 00:11:57,141
Surprised he's not here
ogling these girls.
245
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,642
He said he was going to work.
246
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,611
On a Friday afternoon?
247
00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:03,447
I bet he's
playing poker again.
248
00:12:03,482 --> 00:12:04,548
Coming through.
249
00:12:04,583 --> 00:12:06,116
Wife on a mission.
250
00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:07,618
Go, fight, win.
251
00:12:07,652 --> 00:12:08,752
Marge.
252
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,990
Wow, I've never burst
through a banner before,
253
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,192
but it really does the trick.
254
00:12:16,461 --> 00:12:18,896
Homer, I know you're here.
255
00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:20,498
Your car's outside.
256
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,266
Where is he?
257
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,934
I honestly
don't know.
258
00:12:23,969 --> 00:12:26,971
I'm just teaching myself massage
here with online videos
259
00:12:27,005 --> 00:12:28,105
and a store mannequin.
260
00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:31,175
Oh, I'm so sorry.
261
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,511
So, do you have any injuries
I should know about?
262
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:34,745
Oh!
263
00:12:34,779 --> 00:12:37,147
Hmm, if he's not in there,
where is he?
264
00:12:37,182 --> 00:12:38,849
Oh, baby.
265
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,352
Oh, baby, shake it.
Homer like.
266
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,754
Oh.
267
00:12:43,788 --> 00:12:46,423
Shake it. Now, roll
over on your tummy,
268
00:12:46,458 --> 00:12:47,758
just like I
taught you.
269
00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:49,927
Tell me what
a cow says.
270
00:12:51,463 --> 00:12:53,497
Aah!
My other baby mama.
271
00:12:53,532 --> 00:12:55,666
So this is where
you've been going.
272
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,168
Another woman's
apartment.
273
00:12:58,203 --> 00:13:00,004
Marge, it's not
what you think.
274
00:13:00,038 --> 00:13:01,939
Quiet. You're
upsetting Homer Jr.
275
00:13:01,973 --> 00:13:04,441
You have a baby together?
276
00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:05,676
Oh, it's cool.
277
00:13:05,710 --> 00:13:07,478
We did it in an elevator.
278
00:13:07,512 --> 00:13:10,180
I'm a Schwarzenegger wife.
279
00:13:10,215 --> 00:13:13,150
But you're also the housekeeper,
so it's all good.
280
00:13:13,184 --> 00:13:14,218
It's not good.
281
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,719
None of it's good.
282
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,688
I haven't had a
drink for a week.
283
00:13:17,722 --> 00:13:19,123
That is pretty good.
284
00:13:22,396 --> 00:13:24,917
So then you
delivered her baby
285
00:13:24,918 --> 00:13:27,720
right there in the elevator.
It's true.
286
00:13:27,754 --> 00:13:30,222
Even the other guy
in the elevator-- he's right here.
287
00:13:30,257 --> 00:13:32,591
And the really funny
thing is I'm a doctor.
288
00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:36,328
Well, I'm glad
you did a good deed,
289
00:13:36,363 --> 00:13:38,264
but you shouldn't
come here again.
290
00:13:38,298 --> 00:13:40,799
I thought that was
strange poop on your collar.
291
00:13:42,202 --> 00:13:43,669
Good-bye, Homer Jr.
292
00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:45,771
I guess you're the
man of the house now.
293
00:13:45,805 --> 00:13:47,072
And never forget,
294
00:13:47,107 --> 00:13:49,408
even though the mortgage
is due on the first,
295
00:13:49,442 --> 00:13:52,344
you can usually wait
till the 17th.
296
00:13:55,115 --> 00:13:57,283
You know what?
297
00:13:57,317 --> 00:14:00,352
I think it's fine
if Homer spends a few hours
298
00:14:00,387 --> 00:14:01,920
now and then with...
299
00:14:01,955 --> 00:14:03,789
Homer Jr.
300
00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:05,190
Exactly.
301
00:14:05,225 --> 00:14:07,326
You always said
charity begins at home.
302
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,794
But not which home.
303
00:14:08,828 --> 00:14:11,797
It's true, I never
specified the home.
304
00:14:11,831 --> 00:14:13,799
♪ There's a great
and a bloody fight ♪
305
00:14:13,833 --> 00:14:15,534
♪ 'Round this whole world
tonight ♪
306
00:14:15,568 --> 00:14:18,437
♪ And the battle, the bombs
and shrapnel reign ♪
307
00:14:18,471 --> 00:14:20,472
♪ Hitler told the world around
308
00:14:20,507 --> 00:14:22,007
♪ He would tear
our union down ♪
309
00:14:22,042 --> 00:14:25,210
♪ But our union's gonna break
them slavery chains ♪
310
00:14:25,245 --> 00:14:29,148
♪ Our union's gonna break them
slavery chains ♪
311
00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:35,554
♪ I walked up on a mountain
in the middle of the sky ♪
312
00:14:35,588 --> 00:14:38,490
♪ Could see every farm
and every town ♪
313
00:14:38,525 --> 00:14:41,460
♪ I could see all the people
in this whole wide world ♪
314
00:14:41,494 --> 00:14:45,864
♪ That's the union that'll tear
the fascists down, down, down. ♪
315
00:14:45,899 --> 00:14:49,234
Now to sing you a lullaby
my father sung to me.
316
00:14:49,269 --> 00:14:51,570
♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleep, sleep ♪
317
00:14:51,604 --> 00:14:54,440
♪ Sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. ♪
318
00:14:58,745 --> 00:15:02,348
Oh, man, I really
overdid it tonight.
319
00:15:02,382 --> 00:15:03,849
Late night at Moe's, eh?
320
00:15:03,883 --> 00:15:05,751
No, I'm exhausted from
321
00:15:05,785 --> 00:15:08,253
♪ Head, shoulders, knees
and toes, knees and toes. ♪
322
00:15:08,288 --> 00:15:10,222
It's the toes that
get you, Marge.
323
00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:11,557
It's the toes.
324
00:15:11,591 --> 00:15:13,225
What about your
own children?
325
00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:16,095
Way ahead of you, Marge,
I'm taking all four
326
00:15:16,129 --> 00:15:18,030
of my kids to the zoo tomorrow.
327
00:15:18,064 --> 00:15:19,231
Three.
328
00:15:19,265 --> 00:15:20,566
Yes, we'll be back by 3:00.
329
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,434
Homer has a very
tight nap schedule.
330
00:15:22,469 --> 00:15:24,703
Quit talking
about that baby.
331
00:15:24,738 --> 00:15:27,272
I was talking about myself
in the third person.
332
00:15:27,307 --> 00:15:28,841
Oh.
333
00:15:29,609 --> 00:15:31,677
We can't take
much more of this, Lisa.
334
00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:34,580
The girls are getting so antsy
they'll cheer anything.
335
00:15:34,614 --> 00:15:36,949
You're the greatest generation,
336
00:15:36,983 --> 00:15:39,518
worthy of our veneration.
337
00:15:39,552 --> 00:15:42,020
Go Grampa!
338
00:15:42,055 --> 00:15:45,791
If this is heaven,
why don't my shoes match?
339
00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:50,763
Okay, I give up.
340
00:15:50,797 --> 00:15:54,099
I'm gonna do what
we secretly did at the Alamo--
341
00:15:54,134 --> 00:15:55,401
surrender.
342
00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:59,071
While you're at it,
how about a little boost
343
00:15:59,105 --> 00:16:00,572
for peanut vendors?
344
00:16:00,607 --> 00:16:03,909
What do you think
I'm taking their raise out of?
345
00:16:10,517 --> 00:16:12,284
I wanted you all
to be happy together,
346
00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:13,752
so I brought you
to the zoo
347
00:16:13,787 --> 00:16:16,655
where all the animals
live in harmony.
348
00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:24,129
Okay, guys,
I got your ice creams.
349
00:16:27,434 --> 00:16:29,001
Hey, ah, ah, ah.
350
00:16:29,035 --> 00:16:31,937
Now, Maggie, we don't
hurt each other in this family.
351
00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:33,572
Are you nuts?
352
00:16:33,606 --> 00:16:35,507
You can't even kiss me good
night without slicing me
353
00:16:35,542 --> 00:16:37,476
with your stubble.
Why you little...
354
00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,578
I'll give you a good-night kiss
you'll never forget.
355
00:16:39,612 --> 00:16:40,813
Come here, you.
356
00:16:40,847 --> 00:16:42,548
Aah, ooh, ah!
357
00:16:42,582 --> 00:16:44,983
Ah! Ow!
Yeah!
358
00:16:45,018 --> 00:16:49,354
Dad, we're missing the giant
capybaras of Uruguay.
359
00:16:52,125 --> 00:16:54,493
Okay, I know what'll
cheer you kids up.
360
00:16:54,527 --> 00:16:57,095
Seeing me out-monkey
the monkeys.
361
00:17:02,035 --> 00:17:04,369
I have a soul
and you guys don't.
362
00:17:05,505 --> 00:17:07,372
Aah! Monkeys!
363
00:17:17,884 --> 00:17:20,052
Dad, Maggie's rolling away.
364
00:17:20,086 --> 00:17:22,187
She's heading for
Prairie Dog Village.
365
00:17:22,222 --> 00:17:23,689
If they get her
in their warrens,
366
00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:25,424
we'll never
see her again.
367
00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:28,627
Look, shiny keys.
368
00:17:28,661 --> 00:17:29,695
Jingle jangle.
369
00:17:29,729 --> 00:17:32,231
Stupid monkeys.
370
00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:40,372
That's it, Maggie,
use the Dino-Wand.
371
00:17:48,882 --> 00:17:52,985
This is the last time
you'll see that elevator baby.
372
00:17:53,019 --> 00:17:55,654
I'm sorry,
Homer Jr.
373
00:17:55,688 --> 00:17:58,557
You'll occupy an idealized
place in my heart
374
00:17:58,591 --> 00:18:01,860
that no one can
ever quite fill.
375
00:18:04,797 --> 00:18:07,900
Therapy, please.
Me, too.
376
00:18:07,934 --> 00:18:10,168
Okay, I've got to impart
all my fatherly advice
377
00:18:10,203 --> 00:18:11,703
in this one walk.
378
00:18:11,738 --> 00:18:14,840
The sky is blue,
but nobody really knows why.
379
00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:16,542
Don't believe
what they tell you.
380
00:18:16,576 --> 00:18:18,610
Girls are great and terrible
at the same time.
381
00:18:18,645 --> 00:18:20,078
Get used to it.
382
00:18:20,113 --> 00:18:22,381
And, most importantly...
Oops, we're here.
383
00:18:22,415 --> 00:18:24,550
You'll have to figure
it out on your own.
384
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:28,453
Sorry, little fella.
One day I'll be that guy
385
00:18:28,488 --> 00:18:31,023
who comes to your wedding,
makes you feel a little weird,
386
00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:32,457
and then runs away.
387
00:18:32,492 --> 00:18:33,759
Homer, great news.
388
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:35,193
Chase came back.
389
00:18:35,228 --> 00:18:36,962
Who's Chase?
390
00:18:36,996 --> 00:18:38,430
Homer Jr.'s father.
391
00:18:38,464 --> 00:18:41,567
Oh, my God,
is that my son?
392
00:18:41,601 --> 00:18:43,035
You didn't tell me
he was a soldier.
393
00:18:43,069 --> 00:18:44,970
You didn't tell me
you were pregnant.
394
00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:47,139
I didn't want you to marry me
because I was pregnant.
395
00:18:47,173 --> 00:18:49,408
I wanted you to marry me
because I was nagging you.
396
00:18:51,010 --> 00:18:53,745
Um, he likes it if
you tickle his toes.
397
00:18:53,780 --> 00:18:55,547
Dude, he's my kid.
He likes what I like.
398
00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:57,249
But n-n-n-nurture.
399
00:18:57,283 --> 00:18:59,451
Gretch, I think
he's got my calves.
400
00:18:59,485 --> 00:19:01,253
He does, baby,
he does.
401
00:19:01,287 --> 00:19:03,589
Can I just say
good-bye to him quick?
402
00:19:03,623 --> 00:19:04,590
Sure.
403
00:19:04,624 --> 00:19:06,391
I guess this is it, little guy.
404
00:19:06,426 --> 00:19:07,356
Da-da.
405
00:19:07,381 --> 00:19:10,420
The most beautiful
words a father can hear.
406
00:19:10,463 --> 00:19:13,498
Da-da. Da-da.
Oh.
407
00:19:13,533 --> 00:19:15,767
Hey, one day you'll have
kids of your own.
408
00:19:15,802 --> 00:19:16,811
I do.
409
00:19:16,836 --> 00:19:19,511
Really? Then this is
much creepier than I thought.
410
00:19:19,639 --> 00:19:20,973
Much.
411
00:19:22,408 --> 00:19:24,610
Shouldn't have bet his door
if he didn't want to lose it.
412
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,487
Hi, Maggie.
If you could talk,
413
00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:38,557
I know you'd have a few
choice words for me.
414
00:19:40,393 --> 00:19:43,762
You want me to take care
of your dolly?
415
00:19:43,796 --> 00:19:47,532
That's the sweetest thing
any baby has ever done for me.
416
00:20:00,569 --> 00:20:02,202
Honey, you know where
the bottle opener is?
417
00:20:02,237 --> 00:20:03,737
I think it's
in the drawer.
418
00:20:05,173 --> 00:20:06,707
Whoa, little dude.
419
00:20:06,741 --> 00:20:07,942
Where did you
learn that?
420
00:20:12,714 --> 00:20:16,050
This is what we're
fighting for, babe.
421
00:20:17,852 --> 00:20:19,954
Hey, what's this marching band
have to do with Homer Jr.?
422
00:20:19,988 --> 00:20:21,422
What?!
423
00:20:21,456 --> 00:20:24,391
There were cheerleaders in our
house and nobody told me?
424
00:20:26,428 --> 00:20:31,428
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
425
00:21:02,456 --> 00:21:03,548
Shh!