1
00:00:07,955 --> 00:00:09,055
D'oh!
2
00:00:24,905 --> 00:00:28,905
♪ The Simpsons 25x16 ♪
You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee
Original Air Date on March 30, 2014
3
00:00:28,906 --> 00:00:33,306
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
4
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,347
Children, you're in for a treat.
5
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:35,648
Today's assembly is devoted
6
00:00:35,683 --> 00:00:37,650
to a special kind of history.
7
00:00:39,487 --> 00:00:40,653
Living history.
8
00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:44,457
End this madness!
9
00:00:44,492 --> 00:00:47,260
We have two guests who have come
from Springfield!
10
00:00:47,294 --> 00:00:49,429
We come from Springfield!
11
00:00:49,463 --> 00:00:51,898
Illinois! 1858.
12
00:00:51,932 --> 00:00:55,201
Please welcome, here to debate
the important issues of the day,
13
00:00:55,236 --> 00:00:58,338
Stephen Douglas
and Abraham Lincoln!
14
00:00:58,372 --> 00:01:01,474
I appear before you
today for the purpose
15
00:01:01,509 --> 00:01:03,576
of discussing the leading
political topics
16
00:01:03,611 --> 00:01:05,512
which now agitate
the public mind.
17
00:01:07,181 --> 00:01:09,482
Hit the dirt, squirt!
18
00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:12,018
Well, it seems the, uh...
the good landowners
19
00:01:12,053 --> 00:01:15,055
of Springfield Elementary
are rejecting
20
00:01:15,089 --> 00:01:17,891
Mr. Douglas's position
on tariffs.
21
00:01:17,925 --> 00:01:19,259
Get a room!
22
00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:21,661
I shared beds with men
all the time.
23
00:01:21,695 --> 00:01:23,630
It was a common practice.
24
00:01:23,664 --> 00:01:26,366
Ooh, common practice.
25
00:01:28,035 --> 00:01:29,436
Please, good people!
26
00:01:29,470 --> 00:01:31,237
These are times
of powerful passion.
27
00:01:33,774 --> 00:01:35,775
Why are you
concussing yourself?
28
00:01:35,810 --> 00:01:37,577
Why are you concussing
yourself?
29
00:01:37,611 --> 00:01:39,012
Now, fellow countrymen,
30
00:01:39,046 --> 00:01:41,848
a house divided
against itself...
31
00:01:41,882 --> 00:01:42,982
Ow!
32
00:01:43,017 --> 00:01:45,685
Guess what,
I also play Frankenstein!
33
00:01:49,090 --> 00:01:51,391
Douglas is getting away!
34
00:02:04,305 --> 00:02:05,672
Skinner!
35
00:02:05,706 --> 00:02:07,707
I have seven
other principals,
36
00:02:07,741 --> 00:02:10,310
and I've never yelled their
names, not even once.
37
00:02:10,344 --> 00:02:11,845
You know what these kids lack?
38
00:02:11,879 --> 00:02:14,447
Well, certainly not
a caring superintendent.
39
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:15,949
Well, I, uh...
40
00:02:17,084 --> 00:02:18,952
Respect.
That's what these kids lack.
41
00:02:18,986 --> 00:02:20,453
So we will hold a contest
42
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,455
to make them tell us
who they respect--
43
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,257
who their heroes are.
44
00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:26,059
A contest?
But, sir, we don't have
45
00:02:26,093 --> 00:02:27,393
any money to pay
for prizes.
46
00:02:27,428 --> 00:02:29,229
We had to rent out
our multipurpose room
47
00:02:29,263 --> 00:02:30,864
to a Japanese-American
social club.
48
00:02:31,966 --> 00:02:33,266
Tanpatsu!
49
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,136
The answer is simple, Seymour:
get a corporate sponsor.
50
00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:38,605
But don't worry, you won't
have to compromise yourself.
51
00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:41,341
So, from now on,
our cafeteria will only serve
52
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:45,211
delicious Stuffwich's heroes,
hoagies and torpedoes.
53
00:02:45,246 --> 00:02:47,080
What about po' boys?
54
00:02:47,114 --> 00:02:50,049
Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys such
as yourself will go hungry.
55
00:02:50,084 --> 00:02:52,585
Now please welcome the star
of Stuffwich's ads--
56
00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:55,488
who lost 400 pounds
eating only Stuffwich subs--
57
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:56,789
Ezra!
58
00:02:56,824 --> 00:02:58,324
Tell us your hero,
59
00:02:58,359 --> 00:03:00,894
and you could win a Stuffwich
college scholarship.
60
00:03:01,962 --> 00:03:03,830
Then you can be
a hero like me.
61
00:03:03,864 --> 00:03:05,298
What makes you a hero?
62
00:03:05,332 --> 00:03:07,233
I don't eat as
much as I did!
63
00:03:09,670 --> 00:03:11,104
So the chained-up dude
64
00:03:11,138 --> 00:03:13,673
cuts off his own foot
to save his family from Jigsaw!
65
00:03:13,707 --> 00:03:16,676
My hero is my mom's boyfriend
66
00:03:16,710 --> 00:03:19,913
who took me to that movie
when I was three.
67
00:03:19,947 --> 00:03:22,649
I call him Uncle Rob because...
68
00:03:22,683 --> 00:03:24,250
he robbed us!
69
00:03:27,054 --> 00:03:30,757
Madame Curie, we just might have
this one in the bag.
70
00:03:35,696 --> 00:03:36,863
My hero--
71
00:03:36,897 --> 00:03:39,299
or should I say heroine--
72
00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:41,334
dazzled the early 20th century
73
00:03:41,368 --> 00:03:44,270
with her scientific
discoveries...
74
00:03:44,305 --> 00:03:45,872
Okay, calm down.
75
00:03:45,906 --> 00:03:48,675
Maybe he's talking about
Margaret Mead.
76
00:03:48,709 --> 00:03:51,177
...in the field
of radioactivity!
77
00:03:51,845 --> 00:03:53,012
I give you
78
00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:57,417
Madame Marie Sklodowska-Curie!
79
00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:00,453
No!
80
00:04:00,487 --> 00:04:03,022
No, no, no, no!
81
00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:12,599
Martin took my topic.
82
00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:14,033
What do I do?
83
00:04:18,672 --> 00:04:20,840
Oh, just make a
speech about Dad.
84
00:04:20,874 --> 00:04:22,175
Everyone does that.
85
00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:24,244
Everyone does that
with good dads.
86
00:04:24,278 --> 00:04:26,746
But with our Dad, it's like
climbing Mount Everest.
87
00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:29,349
You either plant your flag
at the top of the world
88
00:04:29,383 --> 00:04:31,251
or get frozen
in agony forever.
89
00:04:31,285 --> 00:04:33,353
Either way,
hell of a show.
90
00:04:36,423 --> 00:04:39,225
People, please!
Martin has left the building.
91
00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:40,994
He had an orthodontist
appointment.
92
00:04:42,529 --> 00:04:44,230
Okay, Dad's my hero.
93
00:04:44,265 --> 00:04:46,232
Why is he my hero?
94
00:04:46,267 --> 00:04:50,169
♪ We can be heroes
95
00:04:50,204 --> 00:04:52,205
♪ Just for one day
96
00:04:54,408 --> 00:04:56,976
♪ We can be heroes...
97
00:04:58,579 --> 00:05:00,747
Marge, it happened again!
98
00:05:00,781 --> 00:05:02,749
Lisa? Lisa Simpson?
99
00:05:02,783 --> 00:05:06,352
You have ten seconds
to get to the podium.
100
00:05:06,387 --> 00:05:08,921
I'm allowed to eat these!
101
00:05:08,956 --> 00:05:11,257
Our final contestant
is Lisa Simpson,
102
00:05:11,292 --> 00:05:13,359
who was last seen
leaving in tears.
103
00:05:13,394 --> 00:05:14,560
Near tears.
104
00:05:14,595 --> 00:05:15,628
But not in them?
105
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:16,696
No.
106
00:05:16,730 --> 00:05:18,598
My hero isn't famous...
107
00:05:18,632 --> 00:05:19,699
Loser.
108
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:20,633
...isn't rich...
109
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:21,668
Pathetic.
110
00:05:21,702 --> 00:05:23,603
...and isn't in
any history books.
111
00:05:23,637 --> 00:05:25,104
He makes me sick.
112
00:05:25,139 --> 00:05:26,439
He's my dad.
113
00:05:26,473 --> 00:05:27,407
What?!
114
00:05:27,441 --> 00:05:28,641
He worked two jobs
115
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:30,009
to get me a pony,
116
00:05:30,044 --> 00:05:32,745
he started me playing
the saxophone you all love...
117
00:05:35,049 --> 00:05:37,317
...and anyone can put
a Band-Aid on,
118
00:05:37,351 --> 00:05:40,953
but my Dad knows how to
take it off so it doesn't hurt.
119
00:05:40,988 --> 00:05:42,522
Well, ah.
Oh.
120
00:05:42,556 --> 00:05:45,458
The trick is:
wait several weeks.
121
00:05:45,492 --> 00:05:47,694
And when my Dad
was a soccer referee,
122
00:05:47,728 --> 00:05:49,862
he had the guts to red card me,
123
00:05:49,897 --> 00:05:53,766
his only talking daughter,
because he knew I was diving.
124
00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:55,501
In the history of soccer,
125
00:05:55,536 --> 00:05:59,472
he is the only parent to ever
take sides against his own kid,
126
00:05:59,506 --> 00:06:01,007
and he was right.
127
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:04,077
He made me a better person,
because that's what heroes do.
128
00:06:04,111 --> 00:06:07,113
That's what heroes do.
129
00:06:09,917 --> 00:06:12,819
I'm so glad
I was forced to come.
130
00:06:12,853 --> 00:06:16,289
People, people... we have a tie!
131
00:06:18,158 --> 00:06:20,159
Yes, which means
that nobody wins.
132
00:06:20,194 --> 00:06:23,329
The money goes back
in the school general fund.
133
00:06:23,364 --> 00:06:26,432
But we will put
both speeches online.
134
00:06:26,467 --> 00:06:27,934
Behind a paywall.
135
00:06:27,968 --> 00:06:31,104
Now, please fold up your chairs
and stack them.
136
00:06:31,138 --> 00:06:34,707
♪ Cause I'm
a grade school hero ♪
137
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,342
♪ Lisa never lies
138
00:06:36,377 --> 00:06:39,078
♪ I'm a grade school hero
139
00:06:39,113 --> 00:06:42,081
♪ And heroes never die
140
00:06:42,116 --> 00:06:43,950
♪ Just one guitar!
141
00:06:43,984 --> 00:06:45,852
♪ Slung way down low!
142
00:06:45,886 --> 00:06:48,087
♪ Yeah, one guitar!
143
00:06:48,122 --> 00:06:50,189
♪ Where did my lawnmower go?
144
00:06:52,059 --> 00:06:54,327
Well, look who's back.
145
00:06:54,361 --> 00:06:55,895
Hmm.
Hey, Dad.
146
00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:58,765
Lisa, your speech was
one of the nicest things
147
00:06:58,799 --> 00:07:00,566
anyone's ever done for me.
148
00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:02,702
When did you come up
with the idea?
149
00:07:02,736 --> 00:07:05,338
You must've worked
on it for days.
150
00:07:05,372 --> 00:07:07,473
Oh, Dad, you don't want
the details.
151
00:07:07,508 --> 00:07:09,742
No one wants to see
the sausage being made.
152
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:11,377
There's sausage being made?!
Where?!
153
00:07:11,412 --> 00:07:13,446
Homie, there's someone
here to see you.
154
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,047
Coming!
155
00:07:15,082 --> 00:07:17,049
I haven't forgotten
about the sausage.
156
00:07:17,084 --> 00:07:20,052
Mr. Simpson, I am
the executive vice president
157
00:07:20,087 --> 00:07:22,021
of the World Football
Federation.
158
00:07:22,055 --> 00:07:23,022
Ooh!
159
00:07:23,056 --> 00:07:24,157
What you Americans call
"soccer."
160
00:07:24,191 --> 00:07:25,324
D'oh!
161
00:07:25,359 --> 00:07:27,794
I'm sure you are familiar
with the World Cup,
162
00:07:27,828 --> 00:07:30,496
the quadrennial drama
unmatched on the planet!
163
00:07:30,531 --> 00:07:33,566
Oh, yeah. That's the thing
the guys at the dry cleaners
164
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,568
get so excited about
every four years.
165
00:07:35,602 --> 00:07:38,271
I'm afraid there has been
an epidemic of referees
166
00:07:38,305 --> 00:07:40,239
being bribed to throw games.
167
00:07:40,274 --> 00:07:42,608
From the premier leagues
to the playgrounds,
168
00:07:42,643 --> 00:07:44,143
all has been tainted.
169
00:07:44,178 --> 00:07:46,813
We need a symbol
of integrity like yourself.
170
00:07:46,847 --> 00:07:49,382
Of course I am,
but how do you know?
171
00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:51,117
Oh, your daughter's speech
went viral.
172
00:07:52,152 --> 00:07:54,520
No, no, I mean
it spread like wildfire.
173
00:07:54,555 --> 00:07:55,555
Much better.
174
00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:57,123
Mr. Simpson,
please help us.
175
00:07:57,157 --> 00:07:58,858
The rot is everywhere.
176
00:07:58,892 --> 00:08:01,561
In fact, I see that I myself
177
00:08:01,595 --> 00:08:04,063
am about to be arrested
for corruption.
178
00:08:04,097 --> 00:08:06,232
You will have to take
it from here, Peter.
179
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:09,135
Yes, I will take good care
of your wife.
180
00:08:09,169 --> 00:08:10,770
Wait, what-what does that mean?
181
00:08:10,804 --> 00:08:13,272
Mr. Simpson,
I am the new executive
182
00:08:13,307 --> 00:08:15,842
vice president of the WFF.
183
00:08:15,876 --> 00:08:19,745
We need outsiders like you
to come to the World Cup,
184
00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:22,849
as our guest,
and ref our games properly.
185
00:08:22,883 --> 00:08:26,052
Well, no one has ever
questioned my professionalism.
186
00:08:26,086 --> 00:08:27,954
Except at my
profession.
187
00:08:29,356 --> 00:08:30,623
What do you think,
sweetie?
188
00:08:30,657 --> 00:08:33,659
Dad, they're offering us
an all-expenses-paid trip
189
00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:35,995
to the greatest sporting
event on Earth!
190
00:08:36,029 --> 00:08:38,698
The 2008 Super Bowl?
191
00:08:38,732 --> 00:08:40,099
Oh, I wish.
192
00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:43,636
Eli Manning's pass
to David Tyree.
193
00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:47,006
But about the World Cup,
I need your answer now.
194
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,274
Oh, sure, why not?
195
00:08:54,257 --> 00:08:56,491
"Congratulations
on your purchase
196
00:08:56,525 --> 00:08:58,426
of a FootMaster-brand
soccer ball."
197
00:08:58,461 --> 00:08:59,461
Thanks, book!
198
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,162
Look, you got us
a free trip.
199
00:09:01,197 --> 00:09:03,565
Just slack off and cash your
check like you always do.
200
00:09:03,599 --> 00:09:06,568
I believe the sweet
little girl in 21-D
201
00:09:06,602 --> 00:09:08,703
would disagree with you.
202
00:09:08,738 --> 00:09:09,404
What the...?!
203
00:09:09,438 --> 00:09:10,939
I switched with her, Dad.
204
00:09:10,973 --> 00:09:13,308
My TV didn't work!
205
00:09:13,342 --> 00:09:16,177
Now I can watch
my premium HBO!
206
00:09:20,249 --> 00:09:24,085
Well, look at you, using
approved electronic devices.
207
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,421
To try to avoid
any misunderstandings in Brazil
208
00:09:26,455 --> 00:09:30,191
like we had the last time,
I'm learning the language.
209
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:31,926
Olá.
210
00:09:31,961 --> 00:09:33,028
Olá!
211
00:09:33,062 --> 00:09:35,263
Eu amo o Brasil.
212
00:09:35,298 --> 00:09:37,766
Eu amo o Brasil!
213
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,201
O que é um país encantador.
214
00:09:40,236 --> 00:09:41,936
Will you please turn that off?
215
00:09:41,971 --> 00:09:43,805
It's annoying the hell
out of the flight crew.
216
00:09:43,839 --> 00:09:45,774
I was just trying
to learn the...
217
00:09:45,808 --> 00:09:47,842
Everyone thinks they can learn
our language on the plane.
218
00:09:47,877 --> 00:09:49,311
Do you know
how disrespectful that is?
219
00:09:51,013 --> 00:09:53,081
All right, just for
that attitude, turbulence.
220
00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:04,459
Live from Sao Paulo, we bring
you the World Cup Round Robin
221
00:10:04,493 --> 00:10:06,127
Group F Opening-Round Match!
222
00:10:06,162 --> 00:10:08,129
Today's game is between
our host country,
223
00:10:08,164 --> 00:10:09,631
football powerhouse Brazil...
224
00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:13,468
♪ Olé, olé-olé-olé. ♪
225
00:10:13,502 --> 00:10:16,638
...and Luxemburg, whose entire
nation has turned up.
226
00:10:18,974 --> 00:10:20,108
Got to hurry.
227
00:10:20,142 --> 00:10:23,044
I've got 998 square miles
to rob!
228
00:10:23,079 --> 00:10:24,412
Ha-ha!
229
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:27,916
The mighty Brazilian squad
features the greatest master
230
00:10:27,950 --> 00:10:31,586
of the fake injury
soccer has ever known: El Divo!
231
00:10:35,991 --> 00:10:40,261
Now let's play human foosball!
232
00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:47,702
And with Brazil maintaining
an insurmountable one-goal lead,
233
00:10:47,737 --> 00:10:50,872
with 28 minutes to play,
let's take a look at the refs.
234
00:10:50,906 --> 00:10:53,775
It says here, "Homer Simpson
was recruited for his honesty
235
00:10:53,809 --> 00:10:55,176
and utter disinterest."
236
00:10:55,211 --> 00:10:57,645
How did he get
those shorts on over that arse?
237
00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,914
Rumor has it,
they employed a team of pullers.
238
00:11:01,884 --> 00:11:03,151
Brazil wins it!
239
00:11:03,185 --> 00:11:05,687
And a fairly-called
match it was.
240
00:11:05,721 --> 00:11:07,222
In choosing
Homer Simpson,
241
00:11:07,256 --> 00:11:12,260
the World Cup
has met its goal...!
242
00:11:14,797 --> 00:11:16,431
Andres Cantor,
243
00:11:16,465 --> 00:11:18,600
you know that is
incorrect usage.
244
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:22,670
I have no control...!
245
00:11:22,705 --> 00:11:27,475
This job has
taken its toll...!
246
00:11:34,517 --> 00:11:37,485
Eu gostaria de um...
247
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:38,653
Hang on, hang on.
248
00:11:38,687 --> 00:11:40,422
...placa de...
249
00:11:40,456 --> 00:11:41,890
Hang on, hang on.
250
00:11:44,794 --> 00:11:46,094
Here you go, honey.
251
00:11:46,128 --> 00:11:48,396
How'd you eat the meat
without the vegetables?
252
00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:50,398
Well, the stomach
wants what it wants.
253
00:11:51,434 --> 00:11:52,967
Oh, I need some air.
254
00:11:53,936 --> 00:11:56,104
Ah, Brazil.
255
00:11:56,138 --> 00:11:58,106
I couldn't stay
afraid of you forever.
256
00:11:58,140 --> 00:12:00,308
The only thing that keeps me
from living here
257
00:12:00,342 --> 00:12:02,744
is that fish
that swims up your pee stream.
258
00:12:02,778 --> 00:12:04,446
That is a deal breaker.
259
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:05,914
Homer Simpson!
260
00:12:05,948 --> 00:12:07,782
I would like to
congratulate you
261
00:12:07,817 --> 00:12:09,284
on your fine
officiating today.
262
00:12:09,318 --> 00:12:10,518
Thanks.
263
00:12:10,553 --> 00:12:12,921
I still can't believe
the yellow and red cards
264
00:12:12,955 --> 00:12:14,756
don't stand for
mustard and ketchup.
265
00:12:14,790 --> 00:12:17,192
Your disbelief
will fade with time.
266
00:12:17,226 --> 00:12:19,194
But now, I would
like to know
267
00:12:19,228 --> 00:12:21,896
if you are as incorruptível
as they say.
268
00:12:25,568 --> 00:12:27,702
Oh, that is where
I left my cell phone.
269
00:12:28,904 --> 00:12:29,938
Well?
270
00:12:29,972 --> 00:12:32,106
You don't know the new me
271
00:12:32,141 --> 00:12:34,275
of the last few days at all!
272
00:12:35,478 --> 00:12:36,811
We will get to him.
273
00:12:36,846 --> 00:12:38,346
We have our ways.
274
00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:41,883
Well, what other ways
besides guns and money?
275
00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:43,618
We have two ways.
276
00:12:43,652 --> 00:12:44,953
Two very good ways.
277
00:12:44,987 --> 00:12:46,888
♪ Samba!
278
00:12:48,257 --> 00:12:49,224
Red card!
279
00:12:49,258 --> 00:12:51,593
Let me give
that back to you.
280
00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:00,435
Get out of here!
281
00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:24,959
And as Homer officiates,
282
00:13:24,994 --> 00:13:27,862
looks like we've got a little
action on the bribe cam.
283
00:13:51,053 --> 00:13:54,689
Man, Krusty should get
some of these letters.
284
00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:57,425
While you were out,
285
00:13:57,459 --> 00:13:59,060
the gamblers sent up
gold-frosted donuts,
286
00:13:59,094 --> 00:14:02,363
a chocolate bowling ball
and a fresh pork sandwich.
287
00:14:02,398 --> 00:14:04,098
Oh. How fresh?
288
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:05,934
Oh!
289
00:14:05,968 --> 00:14:07,101
Where's your mother?
290
00:14:07,136 --> 00:14:08,536
Went to practice her Portuguese.
291
00:14:08,571 --> 00:14:09,504
Mm...
292
00:14:09,538 --> 00:14:11,639
"Selecionar conta..."
293
00:14:11,674 --> 00:14:14,142
Ooh, ooh, "select account."
294
00:14:14,176 --> 00:14:17,145
Uh, perhaps you could
select the English option?
295
00:14:17,179 --> 00:14:19,447
I did not pay $7.99
for an app
296
00:14:19,481 --> 00:14:21,349
so I could use
the English option.
297
00:14:21,383 --> 00:14:24,852
You Americans, you really throw
your $7.99s around.
298
00:14:24,887 --> 00:14:26,754
You know,
you're pretty rude.
299
00:14:26,789 --> 00:14:29,223
Stupid lady.
300
00:14:29,258 --> 00:14:31,192
Give the donuts
to the hotel staff.
301
00:14:31,226 --> 00:14:34,629
Release the pig and
the bowling ball into the wild.
302
00:14:34,663 --> 00:14:36,965
Dad, is it hard for you
to turn these bribes down?
303
00:14:36,999 --> 00:14:38,166
Yes.
304
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,602
But knowing that Lisa
chose me as her hero,
305
00:14:40,636 --> 00:14:42,937
without ever considering
any other hero,
306
00:14:42,972 --> 00:14:44,639
keeps me strong.
307
00:14:44,673 --> 00:14:46,507
Why so quiet?
308
00:14:46,542 --> 00:14:48,543
I'm just examining
what kind of person I am
309
00:14:48,577 --> 00:14:51,045
and whether I should destroy
your happiness forever.
310
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,246
Eh, why not?
311
00:14:52,281 --> 00:14:53,247
I'm listening.
312
00:14:53,282 --> 00:14:55,016
And it better be devastating.
313
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:56,351
You weren't Lisa's hero.
314
00:14:56,385 --> 00:14:58,419
She just swapped you in
at the last minute
315
00:14:58,454 --> 00:15:00,922
because someone else
did her real hero.
316
00:15:00,956 --> 00:15:02,223
Oh, my God.
317
00:15:02,257 --> 00:15:04,659
That's... that's shattering.
318
00:15:04,693 --> 00:15:08,129
And now I'm a man in pain
in the naughtiest city
319
00:15:08,163 --> 00:15:10,765
since San Francisco
turned all nerdy.
320
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,101
Where are you going?
321
00:15:13,135 --> 00:15:16,704
To drink until there's
no pain left in my soul.
322
00:15:16,739 --> 00:15:20,274
But first I'm gonna eat off
someone else's room service tray
323
00:15:20,309 --> 00:15:22,944
that was left in the hall.
324
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:27,115
Now that's a broken man.
325
00:15:27,149 --> 00:15:28,149
Hmm.
326
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:32,320
What the hell
are you doing?
327
00:15:32,354 --> 00:15:33,821
It's okay.
I'm an American.
328
00:15:33,856 --> 00:15:35,289
Oh. Oh. Okay.
329
00:15:43,807 --> 00:15:45,975
So, the rumors are true.
330
00:15:46,009 --> 00:15:47,510
We knew you'd find out
331
00:15:47,544 --> 00:15:50,813
your daughter's original
speech topic was Marie Curie.
332
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:54,617
And now we need you to fix
the greatest game of all:
333
00:15:54,651 --> 00:15:56,385
the World Cup Final.
334
00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:58,654
Fine.
335
00:15:58,688 --> 00:16:01,290
Marge is always complaining
I never fix things.
336
00:16:01,324 --> 00:16:03,092
Give me another.
All right.
337
00:16:03,126 --> 00:16:04,627
But we've run
out of sugarcane.
338
00:16:04,661 --> 00:16:06,629
I carry my own.
339
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,001
All right, Homer.
340
00:16:12,035 --> 00:16:14,003
To begin your
descent into hell,
341
00:16:14,037 --> 00:16:16,639
let us enjoy
this pirated copy
342
00:16:16,673 --> 00:16:18,274
of Man of Steel.
343
00:16:18,308 --> 00:16:22,111
But beware:
Superman was never less fun.
344
00:16:23,847 --> 00:16:26,082
Here it is, the World Cup Final!
345
00:16:26,116 --> 00:16:27,416
Yay!
346
00:16:27,451 --> 00:16:29,351
Will it be a German Blitzkrieg
347
00:16:29,386 --> 00:16:31,153
or a Brazilian waxing?
348
00:16:31,188 --> 00:16:32,354
Nazis!
349
00:16:32,389 --> 00:16:33,589
Nazi harborers!
350
00:16:33,623 --> 00:16:35,991
Guys,
you're both right.
351
00:16:36,026 --> 00:16:39,261
All right, just so there
are no misunderstandings,
352
00:16:39,296 --> 00:16:41,730
you make sure
Brazil wins,
353
00:16:41,732 --> 00:16:45,601
and we give you
one million dollars.
354
00:16:45,635 --> 00:16:47,937
If I bet it, I could double it.
355
00:16:47,971 --> 00:16:49,105
But on who?
356
00:16:49,139 --> 00:16:51,841
You know that Brazil
is going to win.
357
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:53,909
Oh, thanks for telling me!
358
00:16:53,944 --> 00:16:55,344
I was gonna tape it.
359
00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:58,614
Remember,
I'll be watching.
360
00:16:58,648 --> 00:17:01,283
Wave a Brazilian flag
so you stand out in the crowd.
361
00:17:01,318 --> 00:17:03,519
Don't do it, Dad.
Don't cheat.
362
00:17:03,553 --> 00:17:06,288
You're a funny one
to tell me about deception.
363
00:17:06,323 --> 00:17:08,657
I'm sorry you weren't
my first choice.
364
00:17:08,692 --> 00:17:10,659
In fact...
365
00:17:10,694 --> 00:17:13,529
I had my doubts
about using you at all.
366
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:15,431
Well, if we're gonna be
brutally honest,
367
00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:17,633
that drawing you made of me
when you were three
368
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,802
was far from
a perfect likeness.
369
00:17:19,836 --> 00:17:21,704
You put it on the fridge!
370
00:17:21,738 --> 00:17:23,472
It was pity-fridged!
371
00:17:23,507 --> 00:17:25,174
All right,
you're hurt.
372
00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:26,742
I understand.
373
00:17:26,776 --> 00:17:30,513
But when I made you my hero,
you lived up to it and more.
374
00:17:30,547 --> 00:17:34,383
You became the hero
I thought you could be, Dad.
375
00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:35,784
Oh.
376
00:17:35,819 --> 00:17:37,453
Oh, come here.
377
00:17:37,487 --> 00:17:39,788
Everything's right
with the world.
378
00:17:39,823 --> 00:17:43,192
Except that you're about
to double-cross some gangsters.
379
00:17:43,226 --> 00:17:44,660
That's all right, brain.
380
00:17:44,694 --> 00:17:46,295
If I die,
381
00:17:46,329 --> 00:17:48,697
I'll be doing
the thing I love the most:
382
00:17:48,732 --> 00:17:51,233
trying not to get killed.
383
00:17:51,268 --> 00:17:52,468
This match is tighter
384
00:17:52,502 --> 00:17:54,270
than two dogs on a summer morn.
385
00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:55,838
There's no score at all.
386
00:17:55,872 --> 00:17:59,241
Even the slightest pebble
could start a landslide.
387
00:17:59,276 --> 00:18:01,844
And El Divo goes down!
388
00:18:01,878 --> 00:18:03,045
In the box!
389
00:18:03,079 --> 00:18:05,948
Will Homer award
a penalty kick to Brazil?
390
00:18:08,585 --> 00:18:09,718
Do it. Do it!
391
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:10,719
Call the penalty!
392
00:18:10,754 --> 00:18:11,787
No penalty!
393
00:18:11,821 --> 00:18:13,622
He dove, Dad!
394
00:18:14,891 --> 00:18:15,925
No penalty!
395
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:22,264
I repeat, no penalty!
396
00:18:25,435 --> 00:18:27,603
No penalty.
397
00:18:27,637 --> 00:18:30,039
The game, plus two hours
of funeral time,
398
00:18:30,073 --> 00:18:31,707
is about to conclude.
399
00:18:31,741 --> 00:18:34,076
And with Germany
the victor, two-nil,
400
00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:36,612
in an unprecedented
display of rectitude
401
00:18:36,646 --> 00:18:39,248
and stubbornness by
one Homer Simpson.
402
00:18:39,282 --> 00:18:42,051
I've never seen
the Brazilians so depressed.
403
00:18:42,085 --> 00:18:43,686
♪ Olé... ♪
404
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,956
♪ Olé, olé, olé... ♪
405
00:18:47,991 --> 00:18:50,059
You broke a deal with us.
406
00:18:50,093 --> 00:18:52,628
And we have lost a fortune!
407
00:18:53,863 --> 00:18:55,898
Well, at least
I'll die the American way.
408
00:18:55,932 --> 00:18:58,567
In a foreign country
wearing short pants.
409
00:18:58,602 --> 00:19:00,069
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
410
00:19:00,103 --> 00:19:01,403
I want to say something!
411
00:19:01,438 --> 00:19:02,905
You have one minute.
412
00:19:02,939 --> 00:19:03,906
Wait!
413
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:05,841
Let it get to the 12.
414
00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:07,343
N... now.
415
00:19:07,377 --> 00:19:08,410
Um...
416
00:19:17,821 --> 00:19:19,288
How's she doing that?
417
00:19:19,322 --> 00:19:21,624
I don't know,
but she's my new hero.
418
00:19:21,658 --> 00:19:24,627
Yeah, I was a little surprised
I wasn't considered before.
419
00:19:31,668 --> 00:19:34,136
Ah, your fluency is impressive.
420
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:37,539
You can help my son learn Hebrew
for his bar mitzvah.
421
00:19:37,574 --> 00:19:39,475
But I'm still killing
your husband.
422
00:19:39,509 --> 00:19:41,210
First, mazel tov.
423
00:19:41,244 --> 00:19:42,711
Second, don't!
424
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:44,313
Please, please!
425
00:19:44,347 --> 00:19:45,314
I'm a mother.
426
00:19:45,348 --> 00:19:47,483
Surely you have a mother, o.
427
00:19:47,517 --> 00:19:49,485
I do have a mother.
428
00:19:49,519 --> 00:19:50,886
Oh, she's right there.
429
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,621
I'm sorry,
my son.
430
00:19:52,656 --> 00:19:54,857
We owe a debt
to the Simpsons
431
00:19:54,891 --> 00:19:56,558
that can never
be repaid.
432
00:19:56,593 --> 00:19:59,261
All that she did was
switch seats on a plane.
433
00:19:59,296 --> 00:20:01,297
On a 15-hour
flight!
434
00:20:02,365 --> 00:20:03,666
You are
free to go.
435
00:20:05,702 --> 00:20:08,203
No penalty.
436
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:09,805
Fine.
437
00:20:19,032 --> 00:20:21,967
Wow, the Amazon is
just like I pictured it
438
00:20:22,001 --> 00:20:24,336
after seeing all
those pictures online.
439
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:27,906
I've never seen anything
so beautiful.
440
00:20:30,710 --> 00:20:32,244
The best thing is
441
00:20:32,278 --> 00:20:34,246
I can get locally-
sourced monkey meat.
442
00:20:37,050 --> 00:20:38,150
Okay, Teeny.
443
00:20:38,184 --> 00:20:40,953
Take care
of part two.
444
00:20:46,459 --> 00:20:51,459
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
445
00:21:32,429 --> 00:21:33,839
Shh!