1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,548 The Simpsons. 2 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,235 - Whee! - Whoo-hoo! 3 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,863 - Ya-haa! - Yee... Oh! D'oh! 4 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:28,588 Happy First "A" Bart Simpson. 5 00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,591 Happy First "A". 6 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:35,053 To you. 7 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,472 - Hey! - Oh, yes! 8 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,099 Thank you, thank you. 9 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,226 Now that our son is an honor student 10 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,436 I'm going to get one of those bumper stickers 11 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,022 that informs strangers of that fact. 12 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,398 Just a cotton-picking minute! 13 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,651 I've been getting A's since Gymboree. 14 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:50,774 What do you want, a medal? 15 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,028 You gave Bart one. 16 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,323 We love you. 17 00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,118 An "A" in Astronomy! 18 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,619 How'd you do it? 19 00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,454 I just buckled down and studied. 20 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,872 No, really. 21 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,873 Well, 22 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,585 it all started last week in Krabappel's class. 23 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,881 I was trying to breed the hamster with the lizard 24 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,134 to create an unholy super-creature 25 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:18,429 when I saw an even worse crime against nature! 26 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,977 Ah, head lice inspection day. 27 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,538 While the kids are out getting their nits picked, 28 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,522 we can have our own private cootie call. 29 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,982 Oh, you talk too much. 30 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,316 Let's do it on Martin's desk. 31 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,985 It is usually the cleanest. 32 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,325 I needed to get my mind on something else. 33 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,618 Anything else. 34 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,162 And for the first time in my life, 35 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,289 education was the answer. 36 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,624 "Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars..." 37 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,168 Come on, Edna, don't be tardy! 38 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,794 "Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars... 39 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,254 Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, 40 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,337 Pluto." 41 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,507 So when I took the test, 42 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,676 the answers were stuck in my brain. 43 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,803 It was like a whole different kind of cheating! 44 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,930 Well, we couldn't be prouder. 45 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,140 Excuse me, sir. 46 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,100 Your credit card has been rejected. 47 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,768 D eadbeat. Deadbeat. Deadbeat. 48 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,729 Oh, how embarrassing. 49 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:11,024 Well, let me just give you one of my many other valid... 50 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,859 Run! 51 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,361 They're getting away. 52 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,198 Stop them, Mary Kay. 53 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:27,123 OK. So we can't pay for your precious food. 54 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,708 What are you gonna do about it? 55 00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:31,169 Baila bamba. 56 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,671 Baila bamba. 57 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,510 Can we go now? 58 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:40,428 No, no. 59 00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:43,139 Your playing, while technically proficient, lacks passion. 60 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,476 Fine. You want passion? I'll give you passion. 61 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,145 Blue. 62 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,982 Spanish eyes. 63 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:58,905 Teardrops are falling from your Spanish eyes. 64 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,743 When did this happen? 65 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,413 When did we become the bottom rung of society? 66 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,500 I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hoboes. 67 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,627 Dad, what happened to the backseat? 68 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,754 I had to sell it for gas money. 69 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,635 Which I spent on a novelty horn. 70 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:25,265 Maybe we should talk to a financial planner. 71 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,976 Financial panther, eh? 72 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:32,272 Mr. Simpson, you're a dollar overdrawn. 73 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,355 Get him, Sheba! 74 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,025 I'm on board. 75 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,488 You haven't set aside anything for the future. 76 00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:41,990 You know how it is with cops. 77 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,200 I'll get shot three days before retirement. 78 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,662 - In the business we call it "retirony." - What if you don't get shot? 79 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,747 What a terrible thing to say. 80 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,791 Now, look. You made my wife cry. 81 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,878 Well, I see you have several mortgages... 82 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,299 credit card debt, no savings, and you're supporting your father? 83 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:03,011 - Just give the word, and I'll cut him off. - I couldn't ask you to do that. 84 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:04,262 Consider it done. 85 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,345 Based on these figures, 86 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,683 I'm afraid you'll need to declare bankruptcy... several times. 87 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:09,976 Just look at this projection. 88 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:17,692 Marge, your posture looks terrible. 89 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:21,988 What's interesting is you'll continue losing money even after you're dead. 90 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,615 Your grave sites will go untended and vandalized. 91 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,538 Mr. Simpson, your intelligence profile indicates that you're too... 92 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,415 "stupid" to stick to a budget. 93 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,959 - Yes. Go on. - So, let me put this simply. 94 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,503 - You need more money. - But how do I get it? 95 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:41,466 I'm a financial planner, not a financial consultant. 96 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,426 - Sorry. - Now I'd like my fee, please. 97 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,015 I know you're not a deaf-mute, Mr. Simpson. 98 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:51,059 We've been talking for the last 20 minutes. 99 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,943 Uh, sir, I have a small personal request. 100 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,154 Oh, of course, Smithers. Anything. 101 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:08,701 I disabled the button, sir. Anyway, I need some time off. 102 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,954 As you know, I've been writing a musical about the Malibu Stacy doll. 103 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,791 A show about a doll? 104 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,711 Why... Why not write a musical about the common cat or the king of Siam? 105 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,214 Give it up, Smithers. 106 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,008 Actually, sir, we've been booked into a small theater in New Mexico. 107 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:28,596 Whoa. Whoa. Slow down there, maestro. There's a new Mexico? 108 00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:32,725 Yes. I want to go there and make my dream come true. I'll just be gone for a week. 109 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:36,312 Oh, fine. I can amuse myself. 110 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,314 Curses. It's jammed. 111 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,901 Ho, ho, ho, hi-larious! 112 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,697 Well, with the old ball and chain gone, 113 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,242 maybe I can finally have a little fun at the office. 114 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,663 Ah! A candy shop. 115 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,332 Yes. I'll take two pounds of Bristol's toffee. 116 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,252 Oh, and don't wrap it too tightly. I'm hungry now. 117 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:05,216 You've made a powerful enemy today, my friend. 118 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:11,514 Wow. I never seen you have so many lunch beers before, Homer. 119 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,807 Oh, I... concur. 120 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:15,101 Word-a-day Calendar. 121 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,523 I'm just trying to work up the courage to ask Burns for a raise. 122 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,859 Or a highly paid internship. 123 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,194 Something to solve my money woes. 124 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,615 Hmm. This must be some sort of cafetorium. 125 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:33,369 Uh, here's your chance, Homer. Mr. Burns just... 126 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,704 entered the room. 127 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,628 What is this? 128 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,631 Some kind of force field around these vegetables. 129 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:50,011 That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get salad or sneeze on stuff. 130 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:53,973 Ah. Everything's so green and alive. 131 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,520 Mr. Burns, I was wondering if I could get a raise. 132 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,772 What kind of a raise? 133 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,025 - Whopping? - I see. 134 00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,652 You have 30 seconds to wow me. 135 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:09,947 Well, sir... You see, sir, I've worked here a long time 136 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,908 and my wife has a game leg. 137 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,826 And my kids have game things as well. 138 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,245 I don't want to hear your whining. 139 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:20,208 I'm a bored and joyless old man. Give me a "larf." 140 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,127 A " larf'? OK. Let's see what's in the news today. 141 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,629 Oh, for the love of... 142 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,050 - Hurl this at that. - At Lenny? But he's a war hero. 143 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,511 - Well, let's decorate him then. - No! 144 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:35,306 Not even for... four dollars? 145 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:38,809 Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! 146 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,064 That was capital. My lung is aching. 147 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:45,316 I liked when I threw the pudding. 148 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,360 Do it again. I'll make it an even eight. 149 00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:50,696 - You're the boss. - Ow! I'm in hell! 150 00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,451 Let's keep the laughs coming, eh, Simpson? 151 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,996 What say I make you my executive in charge of recreation? 152 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,083 No. No. Better yet, my prank monkey. 153 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,501 Will you keep giving me money? 154 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:06,379 I can't have my little monkey running around in rags. 155 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,797 Whoo-hoo! 156 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,048 Hey! 157 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,677 What are you doing, man? That's Carl! 158 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,928 Let me help you. 159 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,557 There, there. 160 00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:24,897 All right, prank monkey. Let's make mischief. 161 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,399 Ninety-eight... 162 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:28,484 ninety-nine... 163 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:29,943 one hundred. 164 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,863 Oh, if only the real chicks went down this easy. 165 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:37,910 Look at that comic book fellow calmly eating candy like a Spaniard. 166 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,705 Time for monkey to shine. 167 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:46,836 I'd like to buy a mint condition Spider-Man number one, please. 168 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,089 And I'd like an hour on the holodeck with Seven of Nine. 169 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,884 Oh! Saturn's rings! 170 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,928 Let me get that for you. 171 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,482 Paper bag or triple Mylar? 172 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,401 Uh, no, thanks. I'll just eat it here. 173 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:14,113 Oh, ooh! No! What are you doing? 174 00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,782 Good, fair, poor! 175 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,918 Ah, that was uproarious. First-rate job, monkey. 176 00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:31,589 - Do I get paid now? - Oh, where are my manners? 177 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,966 There. 178 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:40,056 You're so much more fun than Smithers. 179 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,600 Why, he doesn't know the meaning of the word "gay." 180 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:49,774 Sold separately. 181 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:54,278 Sometimes I feel like I've been sold. 182 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,781 Separately. 183 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,616 But out of the box 184 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:03,120 I find you poseable. 185 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:06,457 Lovable. 186 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:12,296 Just like me. 187 00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:17,343 This is better than a movie... why? 188 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,184 OK... now! 189 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:27,687 Little help? Little help, please. 190 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,647 I made a boom-boom. 191 00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,482 - Oh, gross! - Not where I pee! 192 00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,150 Get that out of here! 193 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,170 The line in the ladies' room is far too long. 194 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,405 And so I hope you don't mind if I... Oh! 195 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,948 Baby made a boom-boom. 196 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:42,368 Oh, good heavens! Oh! 197 00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:45,121 Here you go, monkey. 198 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,211 There. That's six years' worth of inoculations. 199 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,046 Here you are, my good man. 200 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,383 And while you're at it, throw in one of those polio shots. 201 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,093 Ooh, yes, sir. 202 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,263 Uh, anti-polio. 203 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,559 Homie, where did you get that ball of money? 204 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,979 I've been doing some outside projects for Mr. Burns. 205 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,565 - Really? Like what? - Ah, you know. 206 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,859 Business stuff. Uh, downsizing... 207 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,153 e-solutions, the glass ceiling. 208 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:21,323 Hmm. Well, I'm proud of you. 209 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,452 You're such a good provider. Kids, come on. 210 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,495 Thank your father for the injections. 211 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,579 Thank you, Dad. 212 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:40,259 Hey, Dad. Can I have some money for a panda cone? 213 00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:43,429 Gah! What do you do with the $68 I send your mother every month? 214 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,140 Weekday Dad wanted a DVD player. 215 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,602 Look at their proud, hopeful faces. 216 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,605 Wait till they see that their rare Chinese panda 217 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,774 is nothing but a fat guy in a suit. 218 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,776 Why do I have to do the Lindy Hop? 219 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,403 Oh, that's the heart of the bit. 220 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:06,535 Now, courtesy of an anonymous donor, please welcome our new panda, Sim Sim. 221 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,329 Yea! 222 00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:11,499 Don't be shy. That-a-girl. 223 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,542 Oh, I think she's getting ready to... 224 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,628 Yeah. She's doing the Lindy Hop. 225 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:18,714 That's it. Twenty-three skiddoo, 24... 226 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,674 twenty-five skiddoo. 227 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:27,389 Well, it looks like Sim Sim is a little frisky today. 228 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,892 So our trainers are gonna calm her down. 229 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,816 Don't worry, folks. Because of their thick, thick hides, 230 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:40,778 pandas only feel the slightest tickle from these powerful electric shocks. 231 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,202 Ohh. She's saying "I love you." 232 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:54,166 Can't... take... the pain. Ow! 233 00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:01,799 - Sim Sim likes to boogie. - Something's wrong... terribly wrong. 234 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,718 Hey, there's our resident bull panda, Ping Ping. 235 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,097 With any luck, folks, these two will become 236 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,474 very, very close, if you know what I mean. 237 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,437 Huh? Help! Mr. Burns! 238 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,151 Oh, look. She's presenting. 239 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,279 We thought this would take years to happen. 240 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,912 Ping Ping just asked Sim Sim to marry him... 241 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,331 and I think she just said yes. 242 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,714 Oh, my God! 243 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,216 Ha! You ain't goin' nowhere, cutie. 244 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,321 Am I glad to see you guys. You gotta call... 245 00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:11,327 Dad? The panda was you? 246 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,330 Did you see Daddy dance? 247 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,957 They all saw me dance. 248 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,126 Oh, Dad. 249 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,634 So this is your mysterious new job for Mr. Burns. 250 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:32,473 Yes. I humiliate myself for fistfuls of cash. 251 00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,433 Oh, Dad, you have to stop. 252 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,853 - I know. - Well done, monkey. 253 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,315 That other panda gave some unexpected zazz to the festivities, eh? 254 00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:44,068 Maybe for you. How come you didn't rescue me? 255 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:47,655 Too busy trying to keep my sides from splitting. 256 00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,907 It's happened before. 257 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,952 Monty say, monkey do. What could be better? 258 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,995 Well, you could treat me with a little respect. 259 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,122 Oh, shut up, you tub of guts. 260 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,958 You see? That's what I'm saying. 261 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,044 Well, a little do-re-mi will smooth this over. 262 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,129 He doesn't want your dirty money. 263 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:07,132 Oh, come now. Everyone has his price. 264 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,176 Not my dad. 265 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,637 - The grown-ups are talking, honey. - Dad, 266 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,099 - how can you put a price on your dignity? - She's right. 267 00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,810 Yes, I may be naked and reeking of panda love, 268 00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:21,271 but I've got to stop this before it goes too far. 269 00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,650 Take that back... for $903. 270 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,777 - I retract my statement. - Ha! 271 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:29,488 - Dad. - I mean, screw you! 272 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:33,784 Well, well. It looks like my monkey has evolved into a man. 273 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,370 A poor man. 274 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:40,916 Wha... Oh, why did he have to say that extra thing? 275 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,669 Forget about him, Dad. I'm proud of you. 276 00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:46,255 Aw, thank you, sweetheart. 277 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,591 But what should I do with all this dirty, ill-gotten money? 278 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,385 I better throw it in the garbage. 279 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,637 Well, there's lots of needy kids out there. 280 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,557 I see what you're saying. I need to buy a gun. 281 00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:01,145 No, Dad. You could really brighten the holidays for those less fortunate. 282 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:04,690 Yeah, right. It's time to rebuild my self-esteem. 283 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,317 Hey, what happened to... 284 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,695 Oh, good Lord! What a week! 285 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,450 - Excuse me, sir. - Yes? 286 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,829 I'd like to buy all these toys for some needy children. 287 00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,040 Is this enough dirty, dirty money? 288 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,711 Why, it most certainly is! 289 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,382 Mr. Costington, something quite wonderful has happened. 290 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,468 Uh, no. Uh, no. 291 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,386 Uh, yes! 292 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,223 Why, I don't think I've ever seen such generosity. 293 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,184 You're a modern day Kriss Kringle, sir. 294 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,312 I'm just trying to dig myself out of a pit of shame. 295 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:47,232 Say no more. I've had a bit of a shoe-sniffing problem myself. 296 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,985 I'm still not allowed on the third floor. 297 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,069 It's OK. 298 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,114 Mr. Simpson, I just had a crazy thought. 299 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:57,076 We do a little Thanksgiving Day parade around here, 300 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,660 and you're about the right build 301 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,996 for a little fella they call Kriss Kringle. 302 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,957 - Hold still. - I'm so proud. 303 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,419 My dad will be the grand finale of the Thanksgiving Day parade. 304 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,714 - Wanna rehearse, Dad? - I don't need to rehearse. 305 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,468 Ho, ho, ho! Merry... 306 00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,011 - Line. - Christmas. 307 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,930 Wha... Let me see that. 308 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,517 Well, looks like another beautiful 80-degree Thanksgiving Day 309 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,935 thanks to global warming. 310 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:26,897 - Isn't that right, Leeza Gibbons? - That's right, Kent Brockman. 311 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:31,026 Our broadcast is brought to you today by Costington's department store, 312 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,028 the thing downtown that's open 313 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,947 right next to the men's shelter. 314 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,035 Rusty the Clown? 315 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,788 Ah, Springfield gets the lamest balloons. 316 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:46,083 Are you kidding? There's Funky Winkerbean! 317 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,627 Over here, Funky! 318 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:52,756 Look, it's the Noid. Avoid the Noid. He ruins pizzas. 319 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,926 Hey, lady. Santa Claus is gonna be here, right? 320 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,263 - He just has to. - Something tells me he is. 321 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,890 Don't touch me! Nothing gives you that right! 322 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,352 - Say, Leeza. Do you like gingerbread? - No, not really. 323 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,354 Well, then you'll love this next float. 324 00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,815 It's an all-gingerbread desk set. 325 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:21,326 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Everyone! 326 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,374 Ahoy-hoy, St. Nick. 327 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,668 "Pranksgiving?" Uh-oh. 328 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,045 Prepare to be boarded. 329 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:38,760 What are you doing here? I told you. I'm not your monkey anymore. 330 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,638 Silence, monkey. Now that you're Father Christmas, 331 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,308 we have an opportunity to bend this town over our knee... 332 00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,185 and give it a pranking it will never forget. 333 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:49,771 Here's what we do. 334 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,107 Here's a float saluting the Native Americans, 335 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,526 who taught us how to celebrate Thanksgiving. 336 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,320 Interesting side note on this float. 337 00:19:56,403 --> 00:20:00,490 The papier-mache is composed entirely of broken treaties. 338 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,202 They're good sports. 339 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:07,706 The answer is no, Mr. Burns. Not for any amount of money. 340 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,875 Not for one million dollars? 341 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,961 Oh, so much money. 342 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,422 But Santa can't be evil. 343 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:18,008 But it's so much money. 344 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:21,428 And here's the float everyone's been waiting for. 345 00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:24,097 Yes. Whether you're Christian or just non-Jewish, 346 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,225 everybody loves Santa Claus. 347 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,062 Oh, he was supposed to be throwing out toys 348 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:33,148 but he seems to be hurling some sort of candy treats, Leeza. 349 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,567 Wait a minute, Kent. That is not candy. 350 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,402 That's fish guts. 351 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,157 There's Santa! Over here, Santa! 352 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,409 What did I do? 353 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,704 Ah, the doctor said I could take this patch off five minutes a day. 354 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,749 Hey, that's just enough time to see Santy Claus. 355 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,502 Oh! Why, Santa? Why? 356 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,463 Oh, no. Here come the gulls! 357 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,009 Oh, nice birdie. 358 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,387 Nice birdie. No! Not so nice! 359 00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:10,894 Oh, Dad. You sold your soul. 360 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,480 - Not yet, honey. - Dad! 361 00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:16,650 But if you're here, who's that on the float? 362 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,944 Ho, ho, ho! Merry "Fishmas"! 363 00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,362 What's going on? 364 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:23,949 Let's just say Lisa gave me an early Christmas present, 365 00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,784 the gift of dignity. 366 00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:17,002 Baby made a boom-boom. 367 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,380 Captioned by Visual Data Media Services