1 00:00:38,341 --> 00:00:39,341 D'oh! 2 00:00:45,494 --> 00:00:49,494 ♪ The Simpsons 24x01 ♪ Moonshine River Original Air Date on September 30, 2012 3 00:00:49,519 --> 00:00:53,519 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:01:26,722 --> 00:01:30,091 This is Kent Brockman at the 1st Annual Springfield Grand Prix, 5 00:01:30,126 --> 00:01:31,893 which, like all our town showcase events, 6 00:01:31,928 --> 00:01:35,430 is not only poorly planned, it's horribly executed. 7 00:01:40,653 --> 00:01:42,754 The Making of the Empire State Building, 8 00:01:42,788 --> 00:01:45,056 Part One: The Basement. 9 00:01:58,471 --> 00:01:59,638 Aw! 10 00:02:01,474 --> 00:02:02,824 Wait for the gap... 11 00:02:02,858 --> 00:02:04,376 Wait for the gap. 12 00:02:04,410 --> 00:02:07,062 Homer, we can buy Scotch tape tomorrow. 13 00:02:07,096 --> 00:02:08,346 There's the gap! 14 00:02:09,765 --> 00:02:10,899 Gap's too small! 15 00:02:11,817 --> 00:02:13,935 Huh? 16 00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:15,353 A peloton? 17 00:02:15,388 --> 00:02:17,389 Apparently, today is also the final stage 18 00:02:17,423 --> 00:02:19,391 of the Tour De Springfield bike race. 19 00:02:21,894 --> 00:02:23,628 Hey, that's some fancy riding. 20 00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:36,124 Truthfully, today, there were no losers and no winners 21 00:02:36,158 --> 00:02:39,928 since both finish lines were tangled up in this unholy mess. 22 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,547 I hear tapping from inside. 23 00:02:42,581 --> 00:02:44,149 What's goin' on? 24 00:02:44,183 --> 00:02:48,236 Well, uh, let's, uh, all start tapping our toes 25 00:02:48,270 --> 00:02:52,374 to the sounds of Scab Calloway and his non-union band. 26 00:02:53,442 --> 00:02:55,110 Uh, keep it down in there. 27 00:02:59,615 --> 00:03:03,785 So, is this a "date" date or just a meaningless friend thing? 28 00:03:03,819 --> 00:03:06,037 Meaningless friend thing. True love super date! 29 00:03:06,072 --> 00:03:08,606 Well, if you two ever get serious and have a baby, 30 00:03:08,641 --> 00:03:10,658 it'll look something like this. 31 00:03:14,263 --> 00:03:15,797 Don't listen to Uncle Bart. 32 00:03:15,831 --> 00:03:18,917 Lisa and I will raise you in a house of love. 33 00:03:18,951 --> 00:03:21,086 We're not having a baby. 34 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,470 Jimmy! 35 00:03:22,505 --> 00:03:23,471 Oh, brother. 36 00:03:23,506 --> 00:03:24,572 Let's dance. 37 00:03:28,828 --> 00:03:30,111 Geek leak! 38 00:03:32,314 --> 00:03:36,251 Hey, Bart, at least I've got a date. 39 00:03:36,285 --> 00:03:37,919 Dance with me, please. 40 00:03:37,953 --> 00:03:39,220 I need to zing my sister. 41 00:03:39,255 --> 00:03:41,722 Okay, but you have to do your homework. 42 00:03:41,741 --> 00:03:42,723 Just kidding. 43 00:03:42,742 --> 00:03:44,058 I've given up on that. 44 00:03:44,076 --> 00:03:46,945 Just move your girdle, Yertle. 45 00:03:46,996 --> 00:03:48,580 Hey, Lise, your dance partner 46 00:03:48,614 --> 00:03:51,666 just made the cover Dorks Illustrated magazine. 47 00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:54,252 I know that's a zing, but still... 48 00:03:54,286 --> 00:03:55,437 the cover! 49 00:03:55,471 --> 00:03:56,955 Now, you listen to me, Bart. 50 00:03:57,006 --> 00:03:59,290 Milhouse may not be the perfect date. 51 00:03:59,341 --> 00:04:01,742 Please let there be a "but" coming, please! 52 00:04:01,761 --> 00:04:03,461 But... Landed it! 53 00:04:05,064 --> 00:04:07,966 At least I'm with someone who tries a little too hard 54 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,868 because he really likes me. 55 00:04:09,902 --> 00:04:12,971 Hey, plenty of babes have docked in Porta de Barto. 56 00:04:13,022 --> 00:04:14,989 Yeah, for about a week. 57 00:04:15,024 --> 00:04:16,658 But as soon as they get to know the real you, 58 00:04:16,692 --> 00:04:18,927 they departo de Barto. 59 00:04:18,961 --> 00:04:20,311 That's why you're alone tonight. 60 00:04:22,064 --> 00:04:25,033 Oh my God, is that true? 61 00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:27,101 Yeah, I'm afraid Lisa's right, son. 62 00:04:27,119 --> 00:04:30,455 If the late, great Nora Ephron taught us anything, it's... 63 00:04:30,489 --> 00:04:33,041 Oh! What's my other inflatable doll doing here? 64 00:04:36,128 --> 00:04:37,128 What? What? 65 00:04:37,163 --> 00:04:39,681 I ain't here with no one. 66 00:04:48,357 --> 00:04:50,325 Oh, man, Lisa's right. 67 00:04:50,359 --> 00:04:52,594 None of these relationships lasted very long. 68 00:04:52,628 --> 00:04:53,795 Three days. 69 00:04:53,829 --> 00:04:54,929 One recess. 70 00:04:54,964 --> 00:04:56,564 Half a field trip. 71 00:04:56,599 --> 00:04:59,100 Why did I have to get so needy at the planetarium? 72 00:04:59,135 --> 00:05:02,203 Boy, if anyone needs me, I'll be taking a popcorn bath. 73 00:05:02,238 --> 00:05:04,472 It's a thing I read about in a Men's Health magazine 74 00:05:04,507 --> 00:05:05,673 in a dream. 75 00:05:05,708 --> 00:05:07,642 Dad, can I ask you a question? 76 00:05:07,676 --> 00:05:10,612 How did you ever get a woman like Mom to stay with you? 77 00:05:10,646 --> 00:05:13,181 Look in the mirror, unplanned miracle. 78 00:05:13,215 --> 00:05:14,716 Is that the only reason? 79 00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:17,519 Well, I also keep things interesting. 80 00:05:17,553 --> 00:05:19,621 All right, who took the microwave? 81 00:05:19,655 --> 00:05:21,055 You see? 82 00:05:21,090 --> 00:05:22,991 Hey, what are you looking at? 83 00:05:23,025 --> 00:05:24,459 My ex-girlfriends. 84 00:05:24,493 --> 00:05:26,361 Aw, boy, I feel for you. 85 00:05:26,395 --> 00:05:27,829 Nobody likes to be rejected 86 00:05:27,863 --> 00:05:30,732 and it never gets easier, until you can drink. 87 00:05:30,766 --> 00:05:32,834 Because then you can express your unfiltered feelings 88 00:05:32,868 --> 00:05:34,903 by drunk dialing. 89 00:05:34,937 --> 00:05:35,970 Observe. 90 00:05:36,005 --> 00:05:37,138 Hey, it's me again. 91 00:05:37,173 --> 00:05:39,340 He's there, isn't he? 92 00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:41,142 Well, I hope this doesn't sound weird, 93 00:05:41,177 --> 00:05:43,144 but I'm inside your closet. 94 00:05:43,178 --> 00:05:46,664 Um, that's awesome, but I think I'll visit my ex-girlfriends 95 00:05:46,699 --> 00:05:48,700 and prove they still like me. 96 00:05:51,036 --> 00:05:52,003 Hey. 97 00:05:52,037 --> 00:05:53,454 It's me. 98 00:05:53,489 --> 00:05:55,173 I was thinking about you. 99 00:05:55,207 --> 00:05:58,459 It's your birthday in like, three, four months? 100 00:05:58,494 --> 00:06:01,496 Would it be weird if I threw you a party? 101 00:06:03,332 --> 00:06:05,517 Eat my shorts! 102 00:06:05,551 --> 00:06:06,751 Drop dead. 103 00:06:06,785 --> 00:06:09,837 Eat fist, jerk. 104 00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:12,707 You've got a lot of nerve showing up here... 105 00:06:12,741 --> 00:06:15,076 and not giving me a kiss. 106 00:06:15,110 --> 00:06:16,711 Inappropriate! 107 00:06:16,745 --> 00:06:18,012 I miss you. 108 00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:19,614 Stalker! 109 00:06:19,648 --> 00:06:21,499 Save me. 110 00:06:24,236 --> 00:06:25,887 Mary Spuckler, 111 00:06:25,921 --> 00:06:27,555 you're my last chance. 112 00:06:27,573 --> 00:06:30,358 She's pretty cute for Cletus's daughter. 113 00:06:30,392 --> 00:06:32,944 Yeah, she liked to drink milk as a kid instead of white paint. 114 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,681 Is you one of my kids? 115 00:06:36,715 --> 00:06:37,849 No, sir. 116 00:06:37,883 --> 00:06:38,883 Prove it. 117 00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:39,918 A, B, C... 118 00:06:39,952 --> 00:06:41,185 All right. All right. 119 00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:42,887 You convinced me, Einstein. 120 00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:43,888 What you want? 121 00:06:43,923 --> 00:06:45,189 Is Mary here? 122 00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:47,392 I'm afraid Mary done run off. 123 00:06:47,426 --> 00:06:49,360 We knows not where. 124 00:06:49,395 --> 00:06:50,395 Dadgummit. 125 00:06:50,429 --> 00:06:51,963 Do you think she still likes me? 126 00:06:51,997 --> 00:06:54,132 Um, hey, Brandine! 127 00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:56,434 Does Mary still like this boy? 128 00:06:56,468 --> 00:06:59,304 I don't know what that girl likes anymore. 129 00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:02,574 She ran away after we engaged her to Old Man Wellbottom. 130 00:07:02,608 --> 00:07:04,742 And I was gonna be a good husband, too! 131 00:07:04,777 --> 00:07:06,978 If'n I ever get out of this well. 132 00:07:07,012 --> 00:07:08,880 All right. All right now. 133 00:07:08,914 --> 00:07:10,214 That's enough out of you. 134 00:07:10,249 --> 00:07:11,549 But I just-- 135 00:07:12,651 --> 00:07:15,453 Oh, I can't believe she ran away. 136 00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:17,071 And this isn't helping. 137 00:07:17,106 --> 00:07:18,740 I better switch to the hard stuff. 138 00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:19,941 Hey, Dubya. 139 00:07:19,975 --> 00:07:22,343 I know where my sister run off to. 140 00:07:22,378 --> 00:07:24,112 New York City. 141 00:07:24,146 --> 00:07:25,346 New York? 142 00:07:25,381 --> 00:07:27,315 That's where Sesame Street is. 143 00:07:27,349 --> 00:07:30,652 Do you ever wonder what happens to Oscar on garbage day? 144 00:07:30,686 --> 00:07:32,854 Yup, New York. 145 00:07:32,888 --> 00:07:34,455 The big something. 146 00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:36,024 This here's her address. 147 00:07:36,058 --> 00:07:37,108 Good luck! 148 00:07:44,269 --> 00:07:47,004 I don't know if we should be up here, Bart Simpson. 149 00:07:47,038 --> 00:07:48,839 And why is that? 150 00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:52,175 'Cause the floor ain't finished. 151 00:07:52,193 --> 00:07:55,429 Daddy just covers things with hay and says they're done. 152 00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:01,785 Mom, can we go to New York to find this girl I used to know? 153 00:08:01,819 --> 00:08:03,370 Bart, that's sweet, 154 00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:06,573 but we'd need airplane money, hotel money... 155 00:08:06,608 --> 00:08:09,676 And $500 for Yankee tickets, which turn out to be bogus. 156 00:08:09,711 --> 00:08:11,178 Well, don't buy 'em. 157 00:08:11,212 --> 00:08:13,180 But they're playing the Purple Sox. 158 00:08:13,214 --> 00:08:15,499 Come on, Dad, you love New York. 159 00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:17,417 Now, that your two least favorite buildings 160 00:08:17,468 --> 00:08:20,037 Old Penn Station and Shea Stadium. 161 00:08:20,071 --> 00:08:21,855 Lousy, outdated relics! 162 00:08:21,890 --> 00:08:24,224 Boy, do you remember what happened 163 00:08:24,259 --> 00:08:26,543 the last time we went to New York? 164 00:08:31,215 --> 00:08:33,383 Keep your meat hooks off my sister Marge or my goons 165 00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,185 will do a soft show on your solar plexus. 166 00:08:35,219 --> 00:08:37,337 You're dead, J.J. Get yourself buried. 167 00:08:37,372 --> 00:08:39,339 Tough cookie, huh, well, watch me take a bite out of ya. 168 00:08:39,374 --> 00:08:41,475 I'm about to go out shooting and you just said who. 169 00:08:41,509 --> 00:08:42,809 That's some lip you got on you. 170 00:08:42,844 --> 00:08:44,077 How'd you like me to stretch it like a rubber band 171 00:08:44,112 --> 00:08:45,479 and snap you into last week? 172 00:08:45,513 --> 00:08:48,799 You're selling milk, J.J., and I got a sour stomach. 173 00:08:50,685 --> 00:08:54,187 Homer, that sounds like The Sweet Smell of Success. 174 00:08:54,222 --> 00:08:56,123 It didn't feel like success. 175 00:09:00,612 --> 00:09:03,330 Why, ladies? Why?! 176 00:09:03,364 --> 00:09:06,266 Son, you can dial down the crazy. 177 00:09:06,301 --> 00:09:07,884 Your mother and I talked about it, 178 00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:09,553 and we found a way to get to New York. 179 00:09:09,587 --> 00:09:11,388 It's all set, boy. 180 00:09:11,422 --> 00:09:14,291 To save money, we're swapping houses. 181 00:09:14,325 --> 00:09:16,927 But don't the people wreck your house when they stay in it? 182 00:09:16,961 --> 00:09:18,929 I didn't say I swapped our house. 183 00:09:20,531 --> 00:09:21,732 Yeah, how ya doing? 184 00:09:21,766 --> 00:09:23,166 We're staying here for two weeks. 185 00:09:23,201 --> 00:09:24,968 Lord, you're testing me, aren't you? 186 00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:26,370 Yeah, keep talking to your friend up there. 187 00:09:26,404 --> 00:09:27,638 We'll be doing it on your bed. 188 00:09:27,672 --> 00:09:29,823 New York style. 189 00:09:41,753 --> 00:09:43,337 Look at this place. 190 00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:44,521 Things have certainly changed 191 00:09:44,555 --> 00:09:47,090 since our ancestor Fievel came here. 192 00:09:47,125 --> 00:09:48,892 Fievel was a mouse in a movie. 193 00:09:48,926 --> 00:09:51,261 Yes, and now look at us. 194 00:09:51,295 --> 00:09:52,496 Only in America. 195 00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:55,132 Khlav Kalash! Get your Khlav Kalash! 196 00:09:55,166 --> 00:09:59,136 Oh, geez, not this guy with his stupid little pushcart. 197 00:09:59,138 --> 00:10:01,838 50,000 square feet, huh? All Khlav Kalash! 198 00:10:01,873 --> 00:10:03,106 Used to be bookstore. 199 00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:05,175 Books. 200 00:10:05,209 --> 00:10:07,010 Come on, let's go find Mary. 201 00:10:07,045 --> 00:10:08,812 This is the address her brother gave me. 202 00:10:08,846 --> 00:10:11,148 Can't Dad take Bart while we seek out culture? 203 00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:12,916 You do that. 204 00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:15,619 You know you're missing your clothes? 205 00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:17,187 I thought this was just a dream. 206 00:10:17,189 --> 00:10:19,122 , man! 207 00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:29,599 All right, I'll spring for a cab. 208 00:10:29,634 --> 00:10:32,669 Much better. 209 00:10:32,704 --> 00:10:34,170 Here we are. 210 00:10:34,188 --> 00:10:36,573 Anything you leave in a cab you'll never see again. 211 00:10:41,312 --> 00:10:42,479 Hey! 212 00:10:42,513 --> 00:10:45,298 Oh, uh, oh, thank God you woke up. 213 00:10:51,072 --> 00:10:53,940 Oh, I guess my search for true love is doomed. 214 00:10:53,975 --> 00:10:56,610 You've learned a very valuable life lesson, boy. 215 00:10:56,644 --> 00:10:58,545 Which is that love doesn't exist, 216 00:10:58,579 --> 00:11:02,349 except briefly between a man and a woman before marriage. 217 00:11:02,383 --> 00:11:05,318 After that, it's just hanging out with someone who kind of 218 00:11:05,353 --> 00:11:08,355 hates you but you can't get it together to leave. 219 00:11:08,389 --> 00:11:10,857 I'll get us some ice cream. 220 00:11:13,361 --> 00:11:15,095 What's the matter, darling? 221 00:11:15,146 --> 00:11:17,080 Thanks for asking, Duchess. 222 00:11:17,115 --> 00:11:20,067 I'm sitting here waiting for a girl that's never gonna show up. 223 00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:21,068 What makes you so sure? 224 00:11:21,102 --> 00:11:22,803 Girls don't like me. 225 00:11:22,837 --> 00:11:25,305 I don't really like them yet either, but I think I'm gonna. 226 00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:27,207 There's a storm a-brewing down there. 227 00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:29,643 Well, there's a girl a-standin' right here. 228 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:31,178 It's me, Mary. 229 00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:33,847 Wow, what are you doing for money? 230 00:11:33,881 --> 00:11:37,384 Well, it's not very steady and I'm kind of ashamed. 231 00:11:37,418 --> 00:11:39,586 I'm a featured player on Saturday Night Live. 232 00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:42,255 Mary Spuckler! 233 00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:44,057 Aw, I'm lying. 234 00:11:44,092 --> 00:11:46,093 My whole life here is a bunch of lies. 235 00:11:46,127 --> 00:11:48,361 I'm just a writer with a performing option. 236 00:11:48,396 --> 00:11:50,864 Let's talk about something else. 237 00:11:50,898 --> 00:11:52,899 Something nice. 238 00:11:55,403 --> 00:11:58,371 So, this is basically what we can afford. 239 00:11:58,406 --> 00:12:01,374 Okay, second balcony, partially obstructed view, 240 00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:03,443 no bathroom privileges and you must stipulate that, 241 00:12:03,478 --> 00:12:05,879 in emergencies, you can change a spotlight shell. 242 00:12:05,913 --> 00:12:08,882 Well, at least I'll be able to say I went to a Broadway show. 243 00:12:08,916 --> 00:12:10,283 You're not allowed to say that. 244 00:12:10,318 --> 00:12:12,119 Oh, forget it. 245 00:12:12,153 --> 00:12:14,020 So, Bart Simpson, did you really come 246 00:12:14,055 --> 00:12:17,524 all the way here just to see me? 247 00:12:17,558 --> 00:12:18,525 Yeah. 248 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:19,926 Plus, I thought I might get 249 00:12:19,961 --> 00:12:21,328 to see an air conditioner fall on someone's head. 250 00:12:21,362 --> 00:12:22,529 But I guess that never really... 251 00:12:22,563 --> 00:12:23,897 D'oh! 252 00:12:23,931 --> 00:12:25,799 Ow! What was that?! Is that your father? 253 00:12:25,833 --> 00:12:27,484 Bart, I want to see you again, 254 00:12:27,518 --> 00:12:29,886 but I don't want a grownup taking me back. 255 00:12:29,921 --> 00:12:32,272 Meet me at the high line tomorrow. 256 00:12:32,306 --> 00:12:34,224 Keep my secret! 257 00:12:34,258 --> 00:12:35,425 You little! 258 00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:37,978 Where's that ice cream?! 259 00:12:38,012 --> 00:12:39,980 Just once, I'd like your father 260 00:12:40,014 --> 00:12:42,182 to be on a jumbotron for something good. 261 00:12:42,216 --> 00:12:44,050 Damn you and your fluted neck! 262 00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:50,043 So, what did you do with your dad? 263 00:12:50,078 --> 00:12:52,162 We're safe because you have to climb steps to get up here. 264 00:12:54,365 --> 00:12:55,399 Can't move? 265 00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:58,569 No. 266 00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:01,488 I thought there was no crime in New York anymore. 267 00:13:01,523 --> 00:13:03,590 Giuliani! 268 00:13:03,625 --> 00:13:05,826 Gimme some news of Springfield. 269 00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,594 They let Sideshow Bob out of prison again. 270 00:13:09,264 --> 00:13:11,832 Huh, didn't know they still ran those trains. 271 00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,600 How's your momma and your sister? 272 00:13:13,635 --> 00:13:15,769 Trying to find high culture at low prices. 273 00:13:15,804 --> 00:13:17,504 No, Lisa! 274 00:13:17,539 --> 00:13:20,574 If you click that turnstile, it'll blow our budget! 275 00:13:20,608 --> 00:13:22,342 Aah! Whaah! 276 00:13:22,377 --> 00:13:24,711 Well, without them around, 277 00:13:24,746 --> 00:13:27,214 you and I can walk through the city holding hands, 278 00:13:27,248 --> 00:13:28,682 just like the menfolk do. 279 00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:30,717 I could listen to your twang all day. 280 00:13:30,752 --> 00:13:32,519 Would you care to hear it in song? 281 00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:34,087 'Cause I wrote one 'bout you. 282 00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:35,689 Can I do a rap in the middle of it? 283 00:13:35,723 --> 00:13:38,525 Or you could just listen. 284 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,761 Sir, may I borrow your guitar? 285 00:13:40,795 --> 00:13:42,796 Sure, sure. It's the case that makes money. 286 00:13:48,603 --> 00:13:52,573 ♪ A boy I knew turned up again ♪ 287 00:13:52,607 --> 00:13:55,809 ♪ Kind of liked him way back when ♪ 288 00:13:55,844 --> 00:13:59,146 ♪ Chased him round the livestock bend... ♪ 289 00:13:59,180 --> 00:14:00,130 Rolling on my skateboard, 290 00:14:00,165 --> 00:14:01,632 pimping like a drug lord... 291 00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:04,635 ♪ Well I'm on the cusp of womanhood ♪ 292 00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,136 ♪ And I like a boy ♪ 293 00:14:06,171 --> 00:14:08,172 ♪ That ain't no good at nothin' ♪ 294 00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:10,941 ♪ 'Cept making me smile ♪ 295 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,826 ♪ That's Bart. ♪ 296 00:14:12,861 --> 00:14:15,729 ♪ I thought my old ways I had shed ♪ 297 00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:18,265 ♪ But I sure missed his cylinder head ♪ 298 00:14:18,299 --> 00:14:21,969 ♪ Now that boy has a-come to me, oh, yes ♪ 299 00:14:23,705 --> 00:14:26,773 ♪ B-A-R, now where's that T? ♪ 300 00:14:26,808 --> 00:14:29,443 ♪ Where is it? I don't know ♪ 301 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:33,847 ♪ Oh, that's Bart. ♪ 302 00:14:34,849 --> 00:14:38,252 I really like you, Bart Simpson. 303 00:14:40,138 --> 00:14:41,421 I've come to take you back, Mary. 304 00:14:41,456 --> 00:14:43,457 Daddy? 305 00:14:43,491 --> 00:14:47,794 Sorry, honey, your mother misses you but she just can't say it. 306 00:14:47,829 --> 00:14:50,364 That's 'cause the donkey busted her jaw. 307 00:14:50,398 --> 00:14:51,531 She'll be fine. 308 00:14:51,566 --> 00:14:52,866 Your mother too. 309 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,170 All right, Broadway's too expensive, 310 00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,522 the museums are over-curated, 311 00:14:59,557 --> 00:15:01,357 But Shakespeare in the Park is tonight 312 00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:02,692 and the tickets are free. 313 00:15:16,507 --> 00:15:20,093 Get your cuckold's horns, neck ruffles, Yorik skulls! 314 00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:22,045 I'll take a cuckold's horn! 315 00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:27,383 It works! 316 00:15:27,418 --> 00:15:29,719 Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement. 317 00:15:29,753 --> 00:15:33,372 Lad-ies and gen-tle-men, I have an an-nounce-ment-- 318 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:35,992 That's not iambic pentameter! 319 00:15:36,026 --> 00:15:38,261 I'm afraid that tonight's show has been cancelled. 320 00:15:38,295 --> 00:15:40,096 Huh? Why? Wherefore? 321 00:15:40,130 --> 00:15:43,199 The Baldwin brothers, who were, uh, playing the Monague family 322 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:44,450 and the Sheen/Estevez clan, 323 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,269 our Capulets, have quit the production. 324 00:15:46,303 --> 00:15:48,872 You guys suck at acting and you ate all the potato salad. 325 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,624 No, you suck at acting and it's first come, first serve! 326 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,059 I made that potato salad! 327 00:15:53,093 --> 00:15:55,728 Well, uh, idiot, it says Zaybar's on the package! 328 00:15:55,763 --> 00:15:57,297 He works at Zaybar's. 329 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,865 We all work at Zaybar's. 330 00:15:58,899 --> 00:16:00,600 I'm so sorry. 331 00:16:00,634 --> 00:16:03,136 You came to see Romeo and Juliet, not feuding families. 332 00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:06,205 Uh, the long, slow line to leave the theatre forms on the left. 333 00:16:07,641 --> 00:16:10,610 Aw, and we have to walk by a drum circle! 334 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:14,197 Faster, man! More annoying! 335 00:16:14,231 --> 00:16:16,082 Not so fast! 336 00:16:16,116 --> 00:16:18,952 We came for Shakespeare and we're gonna see Shakespeare. 337 00:16:18,986 --> 00:16:20,753 Anyone who wants to be in this, 338 00:16:20,788 --> 00:16:22,805 grab a doublet and meet me backstage! 339 00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:25,642 Is there, mayhaps, a bit of business for me? 340 00:16:25,676 --> 00:16:27,744 I was thinking amateurs only. 341 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,813 Well, my only professional job was playing 342 00:16:30,848 --> 00:16:33,600 a nefarious hot dog in an ad for Taco Bueno. 343 00:16:33,634 --> 00:16:35,468 You fresh-made tacos will never 344 00:16:35,502 --> 00:16:38,771 defeat pre-boiled hot dogs! 345 00:16:40,007 --> 00:16:43,242 Please, I owe Yale Drama School $200,000. 346 00:16:43,277 --> 00:16:44,377 They keep calling my mother. 347 00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:45,929 Fine! You're in. 348 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,865 I must warn you, I have crippling stage fright. 349 00:16:48,899 --> 00:16:51,234 Oh, for the love of God! 350 00:16:54,605 --> 00:16:57,140 For never was a story of more woe 351 00:16:57,174 --> 00:17:00,243 than this of Juliet and her Romeo. 352 00:17:01,545 --> 00:17:04,247 Our search for culture is thus concluded, 353 00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:07,000 For the Bard of Avon is well suited 354 00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:10,103 to a crowd with every cell phone muted. 355 00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:12,538 Geez, I can't stop talking like this. 356 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,040 Hey, don't ever stop! 357 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,676 Because, tonight, we made it in New York. 358 00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:18,645 Those the people who took over the theatre? 359 00:17:18,679 --> 00:17:21,981 Pepper spray and power wash-- the New York hug and kiss. 360 00:17:29,206 --> 00:17:31,040 Now, Mary, you listen to me. 361 00:17:31,075 --> 00:17:33,643 I'm one-third your father and you're gonna come back. 362 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:35,144 If y'all will excuse me, 363 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,714 I gotta freshen up for the ride home. 364 00:17:37,748 --> 00:17:41,951 Enjoy your fancy-schmancy in-house for the last time. 365 00:17:43,654 --> 00:17:45,121 Psst! 366 00:17:45,155 --> 00:17:46,556 Um, I've got to go. 367 00:17:46,590 --> 00:17:47,790 Go where? 368 00:17:47,825 --> 00:17:49,292 Uh, well, since we're here, 369 00:17:49,326 --> 00:17:51,794 I'm gonna go try to get Al Roker's autograph. 370 00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:53,296 Here you go, little fan. 371 00:17:53,330 --> 00:17:54,797 Killer storm on the way. 372 00:17:54,832 --> 00:17:58,901 Um, I gonna go try to sell this. 373 00:17:58,936 --> 00:18:00,136 I'll buy it back. 374 00:18:04,408 --> 00:18:06,209 Goodbye, Bart, and don't worry, 375 00:18:06,243 --> 00:18:08,044 there'll be other Mary Spucklers, 376 00:18:08,078 --> 00:18:12,815 including my sisters Mary Zeke and Mary Not Quite Right. 377 00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:14,250 Aw! 378 00:18:20,507 --> 00:18:23,443 Bart, if any girl tries to fix you, let 'em, 379 00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,645 because you got a couple of big problems. 380 00:18:25,679 --> 00:18:27,980 But mostly, you're great! 381 00:18:32,102 --> 00:18:33,603 Boy, you tell me where Mary's gone! 382 00:18:33,637 --> 00:18:35,238 I can't. 383 00:18:35,272 --> 00:18:39,208 Boy, you squeal like a piggy for the hillbilly man. 384 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,643 I can't because Mary's the girl 385 00:18:40,677 --> 00:18:42,311 that proves that girls can like me. 386 00:18:42,346 --> 00:18:44,614 And she wouldn't like me anymore if I gave her up. 387 00:18:44,648 --> 00:18:46,315 So I won't, even if you torture me 388 00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:47,900 like you do the English language. 389 00:18:47,935 --> 00:18:50,570 Well, if that ain't aren't the isn't. 390 00:18:50,604 --> 00:18:54,941 I guess I just gotta let Mary find her own way. 391 00:18:54,975 --> 00:18:57,827 Come on, let's head on back to Springfield. 392 00:18:57,861 --> 00:19:01,664 Uh, one on-getter for the clickity clack, please. 393 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,689 You miss her, don't you, son? 394 00:19:09,723 --> 00:19:12,525 You want a picture of her for your wallet? 395 00:19:12,559 --> 00:19:16,028 Oh, she's somewhere in B-3. 396 00:19:16,063 --> 00:19:18,097 Thanks, man. 397 00:19:18,132 --> 00:19:19,966 Aw, look at that. 398 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,468 My little guy's finally realizing 399 00:19:22,503 --> 00:19:25,571 how complicated grownup feelings can be. 400 00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:28,775 Well, at least it didn't end as bad as Romeo and Juliet. 401 00:19:28,809 --> 00:19:29,809 No kidding. 402 00:19:29,843 --> 00:19:31,444 I saw your reviews. 403 00:19:31,478 --> 00:19:33,112 Hey! 404 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,947 I specifically said, no critics! 405 00:19:34,982 --> 00:19:36,782 This is outrageous! 406 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,368 Ooh, but they like . 407 00:19:39,403 --> 00:19:43,403 == sync, corrected by elderman == 408 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:48,293 I hope you enjoyed the show tonight. 409 00:19:48,311 --> 00:19:50,462 And if you're worried about when the air conditioner 410 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,599 fell on my head, rest assured it was a stunt man, 411 00:19:53,633 --> 00:19:56,619 and his family is being well taken care of. 412 00:19:56,653 --> 00:20:00,522 But we're here to ask if you have an idea for a couch gag. 413 00:20:00,573 --> 00:20:03,442 The best submission will be animated and appear on the show. 414 00:20:03,476 --> 00:20:05,594 Do we screw them on the credit? 415 00:20:05,629 --> 00:20:09,932 No! For details, log on to TheSimpsons.com. 416 00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:11,583 I'm submitting mine now. 417 00:20:55,795 --> 00:20:56,912 Shh!