1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,597
Theorizing that one could time travel
within his own lifetime,
2
00:00:04,673 --> 00:00:08,370
Dr. Sam Beckett stepped
into the Quantum Leap accelerator...
3
00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:10,377
and vanished.
4
00:00:14,983 --> 00:00:17,577
He awoke to find himself
trapped in the past,
5
00:00:17,652 --> 00:00:21,247
facing mirror images
that were not his own...
6
00:00:21,323 --> 00:00:25,453
and driven by an unknown force
to change history for the better.
7
00:00:26,628 --> 00:00:30,564
His only guide on this journey is Al,
an observer from his own time,
8
00:00:30,632 --> 00:00:35,228
who appears in the form of a hologram
that only Sam can see and hear.
9
00:00:36,338 --> 00:00:40,638
And so, Dr. Beckett finds himself
leaping from life to life,
10
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:43,803
striving to put right
what once went wrong...
11
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,711
and hoping each time
that his next leap...
12
00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,011
will be the leap home.
13
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:57,320
So, what did the cop say?
14
00:00:58,593 --> 00:01:02,495
- Probably said you should
get yourself a dayjob.
15
00:01:02,564 --> 00:01:07,365
Hey, buddy. What did you do? Escape
from a home for the comedically stunted,
16
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,926
or just the hopelessly stupid, huh?
17
00:01:11,327 --> 00:01:13,625
Stay with me, will ya, Davey?
18
00:01:13,775 --> 00:01:17,711
Uh, yeah.
Well, this-this cop said that...
19
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Yeah, he was haulin' you in.
He was haulin' me in,
and-and I was...
20
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Naked.
Naked.
21
00:01:24,052 --> 00:01:26,782
And, uh...
You were... You were holding the sheep.
22
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And then you said...
23
00:01:32,964 --> 00:01:34,898
"Oh, boy"?
24
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:55,071
Oh, boy, oh, boy. How do you like that,
ladies and gentlemen?
25
00:02:55,143 --> 00:02:57,805
Davey's got a new routine,
and he forgot to tell me about it.
26
00:02:57,879 --> 00:03:00,905
Thank goodness one of you
got a new routine.
27
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Hey, buddy, you wanna come up here
and do a show by yourself?
28
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I bet you do a lot of
stuff by yourself, huh?
29
00:03:05,387 --> 00:03:07,878
Hey, who the hell do you think you are?
30
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So, anyway, there I was,
standin' in the bushes, naked...
31
00:03:11,893 --> 00:03:16,660
Joey, please. Sit down.
Sit down.
Holdin'a sheep.
32
00:03:16,731 --> 00:03:19,962
And this cop comes up
and he says to me,
33
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"You know, you just can't
stand around like that."
34
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And-And I said, " No, no, no.
35
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It's okay because,
you see, it's sheep season."
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What'd he say?
37
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See, I said, " No, it's okay,
it's sheep season."
38
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Have you lost your mind?
39
00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:44,351
Well, I get it.
40
00:03:44,426 --> 00:03:47,418
- Sheep season!
- Oh, we're dead.
41
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:50,987
No, this is worse than death.
Maybe they shouldjust throw dirt on us
so we know we're dead.
42
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,124
So, have you nice folks
drunk up your minimum yet?
43
00:03:53,201 --> 00:03:56,193
It'd be worth it to leave early.
44
00:03:56,271 --> 00:03:59,331
I had the same problem
with the police once...
45
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,706
Not tonight. We've lost 'em.
No, really. I was harassed by the police,
46
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:05,268
and all I was doin'
was walkin' my little poodle.
47
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,541
Look, uh, lady, this is
a professional act, okay?
48
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,879
That's a matter of opinion.
Look, buddy,
49
00:04:09,951 --> 00:04:11,976
I got enough people up here
makin' fools of themselves.
50
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You wanna be a jerk,
you do it on your own time, all right?
51
00:04:14,589 --> 00:04:16,648
Yeah, my little poodle,
her name was Tis,
52
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,818
and, oh, she was the cutest
little teacup you ever did see.
53
00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:22,624
Well, I let her off her leash
to use the, uh...
54
00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:25,359
Well, to go to the, uh...
You know.
55
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:28,163
Out of nowhere
comes this big old black cat,
56
00:04:28,236 --> 00:04:30,636
and it races by, and Tis...
Boom...
57
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,935
takes off into the bushes,
right after her.
58
00:04:34,175 --> 00:04:36,109
This is a sad story.
59
00:04:36,177 --> 00:04:39,340
Yeah, well, I go into the bushes
lookin' for her.
60
00:04:39,414 --> 00:04:42,076
Of course, though,
I wasn't, uh, naked.
61
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:46,677
- Well, you can't have everything.
- Yeah, or else you'd be gone.
62
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:50,554
- Look, I'm warnin' you, okay?
- - So, let me ask you this one question, though.
63
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Did-Did you have
a sheep with you?
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What are you talking about?
65
00:04:55,697 --> 00:04:59,155
N-N-No, he's right.
I didn't have a sheep.
66
00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:02,863
But I was just comin'out of those bushes,
right about the corner,
67
00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:05,064
and I was callin' my dog,
when all of a sudden...
68
00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:07,664
this policeman comes up to me,
and he grabs me,
69
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:10,404
and he arrests me,
and he hauls me in front of the judge.
70
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,412
What for?
For steppin' on his act.
71
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,416
N-N-No. For solicitin'
with the purpose of prostitution.
72
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,611
Well, it doesn't surprise me.
73
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:21,712
Well, it surprised me!
I mean, I wasn't.
74
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:27,750
I was just standin' on the corner, callin'
my dog, sayin', "Here, Tis. Here, Tis."
75
00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:32,789
- Oh, keep the girl. You creeps
need somethin' funny in the act.
- That's it. I'll kill him.
76
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:38,068
We're doin' a show here, okay?
Who the hell do you think you are?
77
00:05:38,139 --> 00:05:42,735
How 'bout a little respect, okay?
Who the hell do you think you are?
Thank you and good night!
78
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:46,746
All right, let's have a round of...
a round of applause...
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00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:50,147
for the comedy stylings
of Parker and MacKay...
80
00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:53,813
and our own, uh,
Frankie, uh, Washarskie!
81
00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:57,085
I don't get this. Why would you
pick tonight to come on stage with us?
82
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We were dyin' out there.
You don't get this?
83
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,095
And you... You...
Obviously you were dying,
and that is why I went up on stage.
84
00:06:02,163 --> 00:06:04,996
It was not the right moment.
You have no sense of comedic timing.
85
00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:07,296
What the hell happened
to you out there?
Uh...
86
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:08,357
Yeah...
Well...
87
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:11,030
What was that fight, your impression
ofJoe Louis on a bad night?
88
00:06:11,105 --> 00:06:13,073
I was saving you.
Me?
89
00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:15,439
I don't think you should have
tried to hit that guy.
90
00:06:15,510 --> 00:06:18,343
I wouldn't have had to if you hadn't
have put the broad in the act.
Broad!
91
00:06:18,413 --> 00:06:20,938
I thought she was
pretty funny actually.
I saved your butts.
92
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,949
Yeah, that was 'cause Davey
lost his timing.
93
00:06:23,017 --> 00:06:27,283
Oh, yeah? Well, what was your
excuse for being a "smuck"?
Not even close.
94
00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:29,289
Look, look. Uh, guys...
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00:06:29,357 --> 00:06:32,053
I think that you should just
keep your feathers out of Davey's nose...
96
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:34,617
and go back where
you belong... waitin' on tables.
97
00:06:43,204 --> 00:06:45,138
I thought you were funny.
98
00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:48,642
Oh, what difference
does that make? Mack hates me.
99
00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:51,907
Well, from the looks of things,
Mack hates everybody.
100
00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:55,541
I cannot go back to waiting
on tables. I just can't.
101
00:06:55,617 --> 00:06:57,551
Look, I-I tell you what.
102
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As soon as he calms down,
we'll all sit down and we'll talk
this whole thing through.
103
00:07:02,056 --> 00:07:03,990
Oh, come on. You heard him.
104
00:07:04,058 --> 00:07:06,754
I mean, he does not care
whether I am good or what.
105
00:07:06,828 --> 00:07:10,423
I mean, all he cares about
is himself. God!
106
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:16,061
He is the most selfish, self-centered
egomaniac I've ever had the misfortune
to meet in my life!
107
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:19,231
Now ask her what she really
thinks of the guy.
108
00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:22,538
- How do you really feel
about him?
- Oh, I'm crazy about him.
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00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,510
I knew it.
You're kidding.
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00:07:24,579 --> 00:07:29,573
No. I mean, you know Mack.
He can be so sweet.
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00:07:29,651 --> 00:07:33,087
When we first started going out,
he used to hold my chair...
112
00:07:33,154 --> 00:07:37,716
and help me with my coat and light my
cigarette, and I don't even smoke.
113
00:07:37,792 --> 00:07:41,023
And then you offered to give me a shot,
and he turns into a futz!
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00:07:41,095 --> 00:07:43,029
Close.
115
00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:46,032
Look, you're
a very funny lady, Frankie,
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and I don't think you should let Mack
or-or anybody else tell you different.
117
00:07:49,337 --> 00:07:51,862
You really think so?
Yeah.
118
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You can make me anytime...
Uh, laugh.
119
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Make me laugh, anytime.
So you just dry your eyes...
120
00:07:57,679 --> 00:08:00,375
and forget about waitin' on tables.
121
00:08:00,448 --> 00:08:02,882
Tables? All you idiots can go
back to waiting on tables!
122
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,442
What kind of a stunt was that
with the customer?
No one swings on a patron of mine!
123
00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:09,115
This is Lou Collins,
the owner of the Cocono Club...
124
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:11,454
Mack was nervous about
trying me out in the act tonight.
125
00:08:11,526 --> 00:08:14,654
Where you're on the payroll...
And where is
that idiot partner of yours?
126
00:08:14,729 --> 00:08:16,663
With your partner, MacKay.
Oh, well...
127
00:08:16,731 --> 00:08:19,359
By the way, you're in the Poconos.
You mean Mack.
128
00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:23,393
What other idiot partner
have you got?
The Cocono in the Poconos.
129
00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:27,373
I, uh...
And I'm not considering you,
because you deserve better.
130
00:08:27,442 --> 00:08:29,706
Deserves better than what?
131
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,177
You don't get any better
than Parker and MacKay, buddy,
132
00:08:32,246 --> 00:08:36,580
and you are damn lucky
to have us in this two-bit, rundown...
133
00:08:36,651 --> 00:08:42,214
All right. Now look, Mack...
Sam, it's 1959,
and you're about to get fired.
134
00:08:42,290 --> 00:08:45,225
...hole in the wall of a dive!
- You're fired!
135
00:08:45,293 --> 00:08:47,955
- I'm fired.
- Thanks for the advance warning.
136
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:51,897
- You got all the warning you need.
- Not you...
137
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,560
You can't fire me. I got a contract.
Watch me. I'll do it again.
138
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:58,093
- Wait a second. Why don't we just
talk about this, okay?
- You're fired. How was that?
139
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,841
Oh! Mack, no!
Mack, no! Easy...
140
00:09:04,312 --> 00:09:06,246
Al, what am I gonna do?
Nothing.
141
00:09:06,314 --> 00:09:10,512
What do you mean, nothing?
'Cause in about five seconds,
Carlo DeGorio is gonna come up the stairs,
142
00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:13,452
and his guy is gonna say...
Hey, meatheads!
143
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:18,354
Mr. DeGorio wants to talk to youse.
144
00:09:18,426 --> 00:09:22,795
Mr. DeGorio, your son sang terrific
tonight. I mean, like father, like son.
145
00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:25,992
How would you know?
You're back here yelling at the comics.
146
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,831
Sweetheart, why don't you go,
uh, powder your nose?
147
00:09:28,903 --> 00:09:31,497
Ooh, I'd like to help her
powder her nose,
148
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,506
- and her chin, and her neck...
- Joey, please.
149
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,543
Mr. DeGorio says I should apologize
for funnin'with you out there.
150
00:09:36,611 --> 00:09:39,273
Well, somebody ought to teach you
a little audience etiquette.
151
00:09:39,347 --> 00:09:42,646
Come on, Mack.
Why don't you guys just curtail
your conversation for one moment?
152
00:09:42,717 --> 00:09:45,777
The name's DeGorio,
Carlo DeGorio.
153
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:49,050
Of the Las Vegas Golden Sand.
154
00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:51,387
- I'd like to make you an offer.
- Offer?
155
00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:55,054
- You'll like this part, Sam.
- Two weeks at the Golden Sand in Vegas.
156
00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:58,394
Oh.
Vegas? The main showroom?
157
00:09:58,466 --> 00:10:00,559
See how you do in the lounge first.
158
00:10:00,635 --> 00:10:03,126
- They are not available.
- What?
159
00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:05,195
- They, uh, work for me.
- You just fired us.
160
00:10:05,273 --> 00:10:07,673
- Wait a second.
- I got a contract for another three weeks.
161
00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,937
- You just fired us.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
162
00:10:10,011 --> 00:10:12,639
Why don't you guys work out
the details between yourselves, okay?
163
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,647
And I'll see the three of you
in Vegas Friday.
164
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:18,242
- What do you mean, the three of us?
- I mean I like the girl.
Got a problem with that?
165
00:10:18,319 --> 00:10:22,085
- No problem.
- Good. I'll see you in Vegas.
166
00:10:22,156 --> 00:10:24,920
And me and you,
we'll have dinner when you get there.
167
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,222
Oh, I don't know.
No problem.
168
00:10:27,295 --> 00:10:29,923
Didn't think so.
169
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,761
No problem? No problem?
No prob... No problem?
170
00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:35,496
You got a problem.
I got a contract.
You fired us!
171
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:37,561
You cannot tell that man
I'll have dinner with him.
172
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,265
Who says I fired you?
We say!
173
00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:41,740
You're workin' for me,
you do whatever I say.
Now just relax.
174
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:45,506
It's your word against mine.
For you? I thought we were partners.
175
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:49,607
- Davey and I are partners.
You? You're a pain in the neck.
- A pain in the neck?
176
00:10:49,684 --> 00:10:52,244
- And you're stuck here
for another three weeks.
- Can it, Lou.
177
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,914
You fired us.
We're goin' to Vegas.
178
00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:57,014
The reason we're goin'
to Vegas is because of me.
179
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:59,525
I got a deal! Three weeks!
180
00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:02,461
And I'll sue for breach.
181
00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:05,658
Comics! I give 'em a shot
at bein' a star...
182
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:09,100
You're on a real roller coaster here.
What is goin' on here, Al?
183
00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,138
Do you believe these people?
They're nuts.
184
00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:14,606
And that guy DeGorio... I mean,
he's right out of some movie or somethin'.
185
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:19,806
Well, he's very well-connected
with the family, and Ziggy says
there's a 90.5% chance...
186
00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:23,373
that he's the reason that
the raging bull there disappears.
187
00:11:23,451 --> 00:11:26,147
I hate it when you say "disappears. '"
188
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,154
Well, he vanishes.
Oh.
189
00:11:28,222 --> 00:11:32,886
Uh, May 2, 1959, MacKay...
Macklyn MacKay...
190
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,657
vanishes right after
Parker, MacKay and Washarskie
have their opening debut...
191
00:11:36,731 --> 00:11:38,665
Wait, wait.
In the showroom in Las Vegas.
192
00:11:38,733 --> 00:11:40,667
Who's Washarskie?
She's gotta change her name.
193
00:11:42,737 --> 00:11:45,501
What happens?
I don't know. He was never seen again.
194
00:11:45,573 --> 00:11:49,771
In Italian, we say he's probably
sleeping with the fishes.
195
00:11:49,844 --> 00:11:53,439
But of course there's no fishes
in Las Vegas, so he's probably
sleepin' with the scorpions...
196
00:11:53,514 --> 00:11:58,042
or sleepin' with the centipedes
or rattlesnakes, coyotes...
Okay, I got the picture.
197
00:11:58,119 --> 00:12:00,314
I can't listen to another word of this.
198
00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:03,789
You have to listen to many, many more words
of this, because we have to work on our act.
199
00:12:03,858 --> 00:12:06,691
Act? What do you mean, act?
You're not part of my act.
Prairie dogs...
200
00:12:10,131 --> 00:12:12,395
Howdy, folks. This is Lucky Buck...
201
00:12:12,466 --> 00:12:15,526
Sam, do you know
what the secret of comedy is?
202
00:12:15,603 --> 00:12:18,868
- No, and I don't wanna know.
- The secret of comedy is...
203
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,874
Al, I don't care.
Timing.
204
00:12:20,942 --> 00:12:22,967
How come you don't care?
205
00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:25,774
Because I'm not funny.
You're not supposed to be funny.
206
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,781
- You're a scientist.
- Well, thank you for sharing that.
207
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:32,808
And if you tell me
that you were a stand-up,
I'm gonna... I'm gonna... pow!
208
00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:37,654
You can't pow. I'm a hologram.
And, no, I was never a stand-up.
209
00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:39,989
It's a miracle.
Now listen.
210
00:12:40,061 --> 00:12:42,291
You are the singing half
of a comedy team.
211
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:46,527
You got Davey's charts. All you have to do is
learn the songs, and you fake the routines,
212
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,727
and then you save Mack
from whoever he's tickin' off,
213
00:12:48,803 --> 00:12:50,964
and bingo, you leap out of it.
214
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,972
What else could possibly happen?
215
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,871
I could not be funny.
Well, we got Ziggy.
216
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,376
Ziggy is not funny.
I know.
217
00:12:57,445 --> 00:13:00,141
But Ziggy has tapped into
the greatest comedy teams of all time.
218
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:03,479
Who's he got? "Live from Rome,
it's Nero, on the steps of the'"...
219
00:13:03,551 --> 00:13:06,520
No, no, no. We got Laurel and Hardy,
Abbott and Costello, Martin and Lewis,
220
00:13:06,587 --> 00:13:10,683
- Burns and Allen... the best.
- Al, there are three of us, okay?
221
00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:12,919
- The Three Stooges.
- That's not funny.
222
00:13:12,994 --> 00:13:15,428
Besides, I don't know
Dave and Mack's routines.
223
00:13:15,496 --> 00:13:17,430
That's okay.
They don't know 'em either.
224
00:13:17,498 --> 00:13:20,433
- What?
- According to Ziggy,
the reason they bombed...
225
00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:25,939
was because Mack tried to
force Frankie into the duo
when he should have created a trio.
226
00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:30,444
Oh, I see. And someone in the audience
didn't think they were funny,
so they killed Mack.
227
00:13:30,511 --> 00:13:32,445
That makes a lot of sense.
Ha, ha.
228
00:13:32,513 --> 00:13:34,447
What makes sense?
229
00:13:34,515 --> 00:13:38,713
Hey, isn't it my turn to drive yet?
I mean, what time is it?
230
00:13:38,786 --> 00:13:40,447
0400.
Oh, 4:00.
231
00:13:40,521 --> 00:13:42,455
You've been drivin' for 10 hours?
232
00:13:42,523 --> 00:13:47,051
Look, why don't we pull into,
uh, Gallup, whatever that is?
233
00:13:47,128 --> 00:13:49,562
We'll have a cup of coffee.
234
00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:55,565
Mack, you wanna come in
for some coffee? Mack?
235
00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:57,570
Why don't we just let him sleep?
236
00:13:59,407 --> 00:14:04,743
When I was waking up, I heard you say
something about Mack getting killed?
237
00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:06,746
Oh, no, no, no. Mack?
238
00:14:06,814 --> 00:14:09,942
No, no. I was just
saying to myself that...
239
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:15,819
that if Mack didn't help us work up
some new routines that include you,
that the audience would kill him.
240
00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:18,484
Us. Comic talk, you know.
241
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:23,189
No, Sam. The comic is trying
to kill the audience, and if
he can't do it, he dies on stage.
242
00:14:23,264 --> 00:14:25,289
Get it?
243
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,460
You sit anywhere
your little hearts desire.
244
00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:33,735
I'm gonna get you the best cup of coffee
this side of the Rio Grande.
245
00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:38,410
You know, you're right.
About what?
246
00:14:38,479 --> 00:14:43,041
Well, there's no way that I can
work into "Mr. Show Biz" or "Heroes."
247
00:14:43,117 --> 00:14:45,085
Sure you can.
There are lots of women heroes.
248
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:48,986
There's no reason why you couldn't...
Okay, everybody. I'm here!
249
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:52,890
Let me get a shot of the room.
Hold still. Beautiful.
Let me get a picture of you.
250
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,452
Great. You just look at this in a minute,
and I bet I got you in it too.
251
00:14:56,530 --> 00:15:00,091
Okay, coffee for everybody!
Put it on the big guy's check.
252
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:03,295
Oh, you know what? I have a question
for you. Is that your truck outside?
Yeah.
253
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:07,170
Really? The big red one, with the beautiful
lettering that says Raymond's Refrigerating? Yeah.
254
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:10,836
The one that's sitting in that
enormous puddle of milky brown stuff?
255
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:14,642
It's my ice cream! Hold it, hold it.
I was just kiddin' with you.
256
00:15:14,715 --> 00:15:18,947
That's a good way to get your heart started
in the mornin', ain't it, big guy?
257
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:21,010
You think you're funny?
258
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,556
She laughed.
259
00:15:23,624 --> 00:15:27,116
Well, maybe it won't be so funny if you're
lookin' out of the other side of your face!
260
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:30,652
Listen, uh, you gotta excuse my brother.
He was just released from an asylum...
261
00:15:30,731 --> 00:15:32,665
The other side of my face?
And he's not real good...
262
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:35,463
- Yeah!
- Dealin' with people right now,
but soon he'll be fine again.
263
00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:38,333
You better lock him up.
264
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,965
I'd like to thank you
for your kind observation...
265
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:44,636
and let you know that we're doing
everything we can to restrain him.
266
00:15:47,748 --> 00:15:51,013
Some people don't have
a sense of humor, you know?
267
00:15:51,085 --> 00:15:53,417
You know, you might have
come up with something just now.
268
00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:55,682
We could do a bit about me
escaping from an asylum.
269
00:15:55,756 --> 00:15:57,690
Why do you do that?
Do what?
270
00:15:57,758 --> 00:16:01,717
Why do you act like a geek
so Davey has to come and save you?
271
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,729
What am I supposed to do,
wait for you?
272
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,925
Oh, I suppose you think
that only men can be heroes.
Yes, I do.
273
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:09,765
You know, women are quite capable
of taking care of themselves.
274
00:16:09,837 --> 00:16:12,203
But most of'em
didn't even know that in '59.
275
00:16:12,273 --> 00:16:14,571
We don't need you
to come running to our rescue.
276
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,902
Hey, that's very funny.
277
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,812
Women can take care of themselves.
Yeah, right.
278
00:16:21,882 --> 00:16:24,442
Don't do that to me.
I mean it, Mack. Stop it!
Oh.
279
00:16:24,518 --> 00:16:28,716
All right. All right. Now come on.
280
00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:30,723
Why don't we just...
281
00:16:30,791 --> 00:16:36,024
Why don't we just concentrate on what
we're gonna do on stage tomorrow night?
282
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:40,294
We are not doing anything
tomorrow night. Parker and MacKay
are going on stage, okay?
283
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,562
- Uh, and Lane.
- Lane?
284
00:16:42,636 --> 00:16:45,036
Well, you see, I like that
better than Washarskie.
285
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,699
- So do I.
- Women are not funny.
286
00:16:47,775 --> 00:16:50,835
What about Gracie Allen?
She has George Burns.
287
00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:52,970
Elaine May.
Mike Nichols.
288
00:16:53,047 --> 00:16:54,981
Lucille Ball.
Desi Arnaz.
289
00:16:55,049 --> 00:16:57,244
- Fanny Brice!
- Nicky Arnstein.
290
00:16:57,318 --> 00:17:01,755
What? Well, I've got
Parker and MacKay.
291
00:17:01,822 --> 00:17:06,122
N-O. Look. We don't need you.
We don't want you.
292
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:10,527
We don't even think we may want you.
And if we did, we wouldn't. Got it?
293
00:17:10,598 --> 00:17:12,623
- No.
- Sam, you gotta make this work.
294
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:17,069
He's got only 32 hours and 23 minutes
before he makes his last performance.
Look, Mack.
295
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:20,300
DeGorio's not gonna let us
go on without her,
so we might as well start thinkin;...
296
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:23,104
about how to make
this act a trio.
Right!
297
00:17:23,177 --> 00:17:24,610
Order up!
298
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:29,445
Okay, look. She gets five minutes
with us, but that's it.
299
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,280
Wait a minute. That is one bit.
300
00:17:32,353 --> 00:17:35,516
I mean, I want at least three
with you guys and one by myself
or I'm not gonna do it.
301
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:38,456
- You think you can
blackmail me?
- Yes.
302
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,720
So why don't you just get down, okay?
303
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:43,957
Both of you. Now sit down and let's
start working on something, all right?
304
00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:45,965
Let's try and come up with somethin'.
Good. Do a bit.
305
00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:48,297
Some kind of a bit, yeah.
Uh, Steve Allen's "Man In The Street."
306
00:17:48,369 --> 00:17:51,532
A bit about a man in the street.
Yes. With Supergirl.
With Supergirl.
307
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,472
You're a reporter.
You're interviewing people...
I'm a reporter,
308
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,442
I'm on the street
and I'm interviewing people,
and today I bump into...
309
00:17:57,511 --> 00:18:00,480
two super people... persons.
310
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,481
This is nuts.
You got a better idea?
311
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,483
Give me a minute.
No. Sit down.
312
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:09,147
Okay. Now listen to me.
Hi, I'm Dave Parker. Hi.
313
00:18:09,223 --> 00:18:13,455
And I'm here today, your man
on the street, interviewing with...
314
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,189
Supergirl!
Supergirl, yes.
315
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,197
So, Supergirl, tell me...
Hey, hey, hey.
316
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,665
Hey, hey.
If you're gonna do
that weird crazy stuff,
317
00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:23,396
you'd best give me my ketchup
and do it elsewhere.
318
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:26,530
Well, you did us a favor.
The coffee wasn't that great anyway.
319
00:18:26,607 --> 00:18:28,541
Oh, yes it was.
The coffee was great.
320
00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:31,237
Come on, Sam. Keep it goin;
You gotta make this act work.
321
00:18:31,312 --> 00:18:33,803
Hey, hey. This is Dave Parker here,
your man on the street,
322
00:18:33,881 --> 00:18:36,645
and, uh, I'm here today,
chatting with...
323
00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:41,243
Oh. Supergirl!
Supergirl. And?
324
00:18:42,823 --> 00:18:45,951
And I'm, uh, Superman.
Aha!
325
00:18:46,026 --> 00:18:51,430
So tell me, you-you-you Supers,
uh, what's an average
day like for you guys?
326
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:56,333
Well, we usually like to start the day with a
big, heapin' bowl of Kryptonite cereal. Ha-ha!
327
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,837
No, not Kryptonite.
That would kill 'em.
328
00:18:58,906 --> 00:19:02,034
Two points for the big fella.
Uh, he-he's right.
329
00:19:02,109 --> 00:19:05,670
Well, not if we're super people.
Ah, she's right.
330
00:19:05,746 --> 00:19:08,237
Especially if you're super people.
331
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,783
Keep it goin'. Keep it goin'.
Keep it goin'.
332
00:19:10,851 --> 00:19:13,183
Tell me this though.
How do super people, uh...
333
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,187
Have.
Ha-ha-have...
334
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,189
Sex.
Sex?
335
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,191
Davey!
Al!
336
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,193
You know, that's the way
my mind works.
337
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,195
Um...
You see that?
She can't handle it.
338
00:19:24,565 --> 00:19:29,332
This is the real world, kid. In the real world, grown-up
people like to hear about grown-up things like sex.
339
00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:33,737
Oh, yeah? Well, if doing "smutz"
is what this act is all about,
you can just count me out.
340
00:19:33,807 --> 00:19:36,708
"Schmutz."
I won't do it!
341
00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:38,711
Yeah? Well, that's because
you can't do comedy.
342
00:19:38,779 --> 00:19:41,475
If you were a real comedienne,
then anything you did would be funny.
343
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:44,450
And now I am supposed
to take a lesson...
344
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,386
from Mr. " I can't keep my fist
out of anybody's face
'cause I'm so mad at the world"?
345
00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:52,152
Mad at the world? Is this because
you want so desperately
to be funny, but can't?
346
00:19:52,226 --> 00:19:56,458
- You know what your problem is?
You hate women!
- Oh, so now you're Sigmund Freud.
347
00:19:56,530 --> 00:20:00,125
I'm not Sigmund Freud, but I am a comic.
Why won't you give me a shot?
348
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,795
Why are they doin' this, Al?
349
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,805
They're in love.
What?
350
00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:10,105
Yeah, sure. They're crazy about each other but
they haven't got a clue how to handle it.
351
00:20:10,177 --> 00:20:15,615
No, no, no. Yes. I had the same thing goin' with
my sec... second, third, fourth... my fourth wife.
352
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,616
Yeah. Oh, she drove me crazy.
353
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,652
Al, look at them.
They're gonna kill each other.
354
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,654
Now what am I gonna do?
355
00:20:21,722 --> 00:20:26,625
Oh, l... I would take her and grab her
and kiss her real hard.
356
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,854
Oh, get out. I'm supposed to
get them to kiss each other?
357
00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,863
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
Get outta here. Look at them.
358
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:33,957
- Let me do it! That's what I'm saying!
- I'm talking. Would you listen to me, please?
359
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,298
Kiss her real hard...
They're never gonna kiss each other.
360
00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:39,635
Kissing is the furthest thing
from their mind right now.
And then she would stop talking.
361
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:42,698
She what? Oh. All right. All right.
She would stare into my eyes.
362
00:20:42,776 --> 00:20:46,143
So, I wanna ask you this one question:
How do super people kiss?
363
00:20:46,213 --> 00:20:47,475
- What?
- Kiss.
364
00:20:47,548 --> 00:20:48,776
- Kiss?
- Yes.
365
00:20:48,849 --> 00:20:51,044
I wouldn't kiss her if she was
the last woman on Earth.
366
00:20:51,118 --> 00:20:53,678
- You probably
don't even know how to kiss.
- Oh, yeah?
367
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:56,622
Sure, she does.
368
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,817
Hey, no! Hey, wait a minute.
No, no, no. Not him.
369
00:20:58,892 --> 00:21:01,190
Him! No, you're not supposed to ki...
He's supposed to kiss you.
370
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:05,288
- Huh?
- Oh, so that's what
this is all about, huh?
371
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:09,802
- No, it's not.
- You want a little " Wham, bam, thank you
ma'am," you do it on your own time.
372
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:13,328
- You slept with him, didn't you?
Not with me, but him you sleep with!
- What?
373
00:21:13,407 --> 00:21:14,840
Do something, Sam!
Do something?
374
00:21:14,908 --> 00:21:18,105
Do something!
I did something.
It was the wrong thing.
375
00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:22,046
I know it was the... Look. Look.
This is not how it was supposed to happen.
376
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:26,347
Yeah, I'll bet. Look. Just lose the broad
or get yourself another partner, okay?
377
00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:28,547
What are you talkin' about?
Mack!
378
00:21:28,622 --> 00:21:30,556
We can't just...
379
00:21:31,932 --> 00:21:34,799
- Mack. Open the...
- I don't believe that you are so immature...
380
00:21:34,895 --> 00:21:38,797
Get in the car.
Oh, thank you.
What a wonderful idea.
381
00:21:38,866 --> 00:21:41,960
You're welcome. Get in the car.
382
00:21:44,783 --> 00:21:46,717
Oh, boy.
383
00:21:55,557 --> 00:21:59,376
We're gonna do the first two shows
at 9:30 and 11:30...
384
00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,579
with the ring curtains closed.
385
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:07,320
Then at 2:00 and 4:00,
we're gonna open 'em up to the pits
to pull the customers in.
386
00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:11,091
Then, uh, at 4:00 you can get in here
and run light and music cues with Charlie.
387
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,223
Okay, all right. Terrific.
388
00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:18,134
Charlie's our, uh, stage manager.
Anything... Anything he can't
do for you, trust me, I can.
389
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:20,934
That's fine, Mr. DeGorio.
Thanks very much.
390
00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:23,100
I'll fill in Mack
on the setup, okay?
391
00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,610
Hey, you do that. And, sweetheart,
you look like you're starvin'.
392
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,669
What do you say
the two of us grab a little lunch?
393
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,942
Well, l...
No, no, no. I insist.
394
00:22:30,016 --> 00:22:35,477
Tell you what. We got a bunch of new, uh,
sketches that we're gonna break in tonight.
395
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:38,115
Isn't it gonna be, uh, tough to rehearse
without Mr. MacKay?
396
00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:43,390
Him? Well, see, he...
Yeah, you know... You know, Mack
has never been to Las Vegas before.
397
00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:46,489
L-I saw him earlier. He-He's checkin' out
all these one-armed burglars.
398
00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:48,500
Bandits.
That too.
399
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:51,002
- Do you, uh, gamble much?
- No, never touch the stuff, really.
400
00:22:51,071 --> 00:22:53,005
I was talkin' to Miss Washarskie.
I'm sorry.
401
00:22:53,073 --> 00:22:58,511
It's Turner. I changed it again.
No, I really haven't done much gambling.
Actually, I never learned how.
402
00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:01,172
Then we're gonna have dinner
after the first show,
403
00:23:01,247 --> 00:23:04,978
and I'm gonna give you a personal lesson
in how to roll the dice.
404
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:08,384
Well, I really should...
Have dinner with me tonight.
Good, that's settled.
405
00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:10,389
That's a great idea.
Thanks for askin' us.
406
00:23:10,457 --> 00:23:13,290
Listen, we gotta get to work or we're
never gonna be able to pay you back...
407
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,455
for the money that you spent
on bringin' us out here, you know?
Trust me. You'll be able to pay me back.
408
00:23:17,530 --> 00:23:20,021
And if you don't wanna sing
out of another orifice,
409
00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:24,434
I suggest you don't join the young lady
and I for, uh, dinner tonight.
410
00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:26,438
Got that? Understood?
411
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,204
Bring an appetite.
412
00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:33,177
Why do I get the feeling that she's
gonna end up being the main course?
413
00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:36,443
Why do I get the feeling that I'm
gonna be the main course?
414
00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:39,883
Uh, don't-don't worry about him.
L-I'll think of something.
415
00:23:39,953 --> 00:23:42,945
And what about Mack?
He hasn't spoken two words to us
since last night.
416
00:23:43,022 --> 00:23:46,287
I mean, what are we gonna do?
417
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,691
- L-I don't know.
- Well, you go on in less than seven hours.
418
00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:50,695
Mack still dies.
We don't know how or when,
419
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:54,494
but the why has got
somethin' to do with DeGorio.
Maybe you should talk to him.
420
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:57,661
Well, somebody better.
Maybe he's just right about me,
421
00:23:57,737 --> 00:24:01,173
and I should just go back
to the Cocono's in the Poconos,
forget about the whole thing.
422
00:24:01,241 --> 00:24:03,300
I love that cute rhyme.
423
00:24:03,376 --> 00:24:05,674
No.
Well, I'm breaking up the act.
424
00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:09,374
No, you're not. As a matter of fact,
you're... You're making the act much better.
425
00:24:09,449 --> 00:24:12,009
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are. Now listen.
426
00:24:12,085 --> 00:24:16,647
There have been a whole lot of duos,
but there's never been a successful trio.
427
00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:20,056
I don't know...
We could be the first.
428
00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:23,357
We will be the first, if I can just
figure out how to make Mack understand...
429
00:24:23,429 --> 00:24:26,694
that the reason he can't
stand you is... because...
430
00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,597
- He's in love with you.
- He's in love with you.
431
00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:30,659
Love?
But with Mack,
432
00:24:30,737 --> 00:24:33,638
arguing is like the adult version
of pulling pigtails.
433
00:24:33,706 --> 00:24:36,573
See, a lot of guys like Mack,
they kind oflike, uh...
434
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:40,238
Well, they think that loving
and fighting are kind of the same.
435
00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:42,804
Yeah? Well, it's not for me.
Me either.
436
00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:45,248
Look, you said
you were crazy about him.
437
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:49,344
You... may have to teach him
how to love.
438
00:24:49,422 --> 00:24:52,414
- But he's so angry.
- Yeah, well...
439
00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:54,255
After six years of therapy,
he'll be fine.
440
00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:58,024
Look, you, uh, go back to your room, okay?
Get freshened up.
441
00:24:58,097 --> 00:25:00,031
I'll find Mack.
We'll have a heart-to-heart.
442
00:25:00,099 --> 00:25:03,500
Just make sure you're back here
for the 4:00 rehearsal.
Okay.
443
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:08,030
Oh, and Davey?
Uh, don't tell Mack that I love him.
444
00:25:08,107 --> 00:25:11,543
Oh, no. I'll...
I'll let you do that.
445
00:25:11,611 --> 00:25:13,772
Okay.
446
00:25:17,550 --> 00:25:20,747
Okay. Okay, Dr. Jung. Huh?
447
00:25:20,820 --> 00:25:24,119
You tell me what's wrong with Mack
since you know so much all of a sudden.
448
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:28,217
Okay. According to Ziggy,
uh, Mack has a pattern, see?
449
00:25:28,294 --> 00:25:32,924
Whenever he gets close to success,
he changes the act.
450
00:25:32,999 --> 00:25:35,900
Uh, it was Leonard and MacKay
in '55,
451
00:25:35,969 --> 00:25:39,234
it was Bonner and MacKay in '56,
and now it's you.
452
00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:42,138
But, um...
But, um?
453
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:44,972
The bottom line is,
Mack is afraid to get close.
454
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,069
I thought you said he loved her.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
455
00:25:47,146 --> 00:25:50,115
He does.
It's the Woody Allen theory.
456
00:25:50,183 --> 00:25:54,210
Uh, " I don't like myself, so if you
like me, you must be a horrible person."
457
00:25:54,287 --> 00:25:57,620
- Or maybe that's the
Groucho Marx theory.
- Am I missing something?
458
00:25:57,690 --> 00:26:00,386
Uh, no. Mack is a little kid.
459
00:26:00,460 --> 00:26:04,191
He needs... He wants attention,
but he can't handle being close,
460
00:26:04,264 --> 00:26:07,461
so does all these crazy things
to get people to pay attention to him.
461
00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:10,593
Which is why
he got into show business.
Yeah.
462
00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:15,698
Then a woman like Frankie comes along...
He wants her. She wants him.
Right, right, right. So he...
463
00:26:15,775 --> 00:26:19,905
He's afraid of her, so he starts
this huge fight to protect himself.
Yeah.
464
00:26:19,979 --> 00:26:23,107
Yeah.
Yeah, that keeps Frankie off balance
and keeps him in control.
465
00:26:23,182 --> 00:26:27,243
Right. And out of a relationship
that could possibly make him happy
for the rest of his life.
466
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,448
Mmm. Go to the head... of the class.
467
00:26:30,523 --> 00:26:34,459
All right. So I'm obviously here to make sure
that Mack and Frankie get together, right?
468
00:26:34,527 --> 00:26:39,294
Well, Ziggy says that there's a 90% chance that
if you play Cupid the act can be a success,
469
00:26:39,365 --> 00:26:42,630
and Mack doesn't end up as plant food,
and you leap outta here.
470
00:26:42,702 --> 00:26:44,863
Okay. I'm gonna go find Mack.
Okay.
471
00:26:50,877 --> 00:26:54,404
It had been a long time since
I'd had a heart-to-heart with a friend,
472
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,675
especially over a woman.
473
00:26:56,749 --> 00:26:59,240
The problem was, Mack wasn't a friend,
474
00:26:59,319 --> 00:27:04,723
though there were moments...
brief moments... I liked him.
475
00:27:04,791 --> 00:27:08,693
Frankie, on the other hand,
deserved a lot better treatment
than Mack knew how to give.
476
00:27:08,761 --> 00:27:11,821
I couldn't help wondering whether
putting them together was for the best.
477
00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:18,403
Got a second?
478
00:27:20,973 --> 00:27:24,704
Hit me.
I would, if I thought
it'd do any good.
479
00:27:26,713 --> 00:27:29,580
I got nothin' to say to you, Davey.
Hit me again.
480
00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:32,277
W-W-Wait a second.
You don't want another card.
481
00:27:32,352 --> 00:27:36,152
Why the hell not?
Because you got 18.
He's probably got a face card.
482
00:27:38,257 --> 00:27:40,225
Hit me.
483
00:27:40,293 --> 00:27:42,693
Bust. Don't you ever
listen to anybody?
484
00:27:42,762 --> 00:27:45,492
Yeah. Anybody who doesn't
stab me in the back.
485
00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:52,462
Why don't you just admit it,
all right? You love her.
486
00:27:52,538 --> 00:27:56,804
Take a powder.
You love her
and you're afraid of her.
487
00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:59,140
Why the hell would I
be afraid of a broad?
488
00:27:59,212 --> 00:28:03,615
Because she's beautiful, she's intelligent,
and she's not afraid to stand up to you,
489
00:28:03,683 --> 00:28:05,617
even though you act
like an ogre sometimes.
490
00:28:05,685 --> 00:28:09,177
Just because she's got you
wearin' sheep for glasses
doesn't make her tough or talented.
491
00:28:09,255 --> 00:28:11,189
Or beautiful.
So she looks good.
492
00:28:11,257 --> 00:28:13,521
Come on.
You're crazy about her, right?
You're nuts.
493
00:28:15,094 --> 00:28:19,588
If I'm so crazy about her, then how come
we always fight every time we're together
for more than five minutes?
494
00:28:19,665 --> 00:28:23,999
Well, as far as I can tell, it's because
that's the only way you know how to relate
to a woman you're attracted to.
495
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,999
Yeah, well... She... You...
Yeah?
496
00:28:32,078 --> 00:28:34,638
Why the hell'd you have to go
and kiss her?
Actually, she kissed me.
497
00:28:34,714 --> 00:28:37,615
- Why'd she have to kiss you?
- Because she was trying
to get your attention.
498
00:28:37,683 --> 00:28:41,119
- Oh, she got my attention.
Now everything's ruined.
- Nothing is ruined.
499
00:28:41,187 --> 00:28:44,418
Look, Frankie is the kind of a person...
Mack... Look, Mack,
500
00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:46,424
she knows how you feel about her.
501
00:28:46,492 --> 00:28:49,256
What she doesn't get
is why you treat her like she's...
Like what?
502
00:28:49,328 --> 00:28:53,355
Like I'm smart? What happens if
she finds out I'm crazy about her, huh?
503
00:28:53,433 --> 00:28:56,800
Then she-she'll go out with me, and then...
Then we're really gonna like each other,
504
00:28:56,869 --> 00:28:59,064
and then we're gonna wanna
see each other all the time,
505
00:28:59,138 --> 00:29:01,106
and then maybe we're gonna
end up gettin' married,
506
00:29:01,174 --> 00:29:03,267
and having kids, and then...
507
00:29:03,342 --> 00:29:07,642
And then we'll buy a house.
That's when the trouble really starts, too,
'cause there'll be fights over the bills,
508
00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:10,705
then the anger and the hatred,
and then, bam, ends up in divorce.
509
00:29:10,783 --> 00:29:13,809
The next thing you know, we don't talk
to each other ever again, and the kids...
510
00:29:13,886 --> 00:29:16,377
Mack, why don't you start
by asking her out again?
511
00:29:16,456 --> 00:29:21,155
- What?
- Before you ruin your kids' life,
take the first step: Ask her out.
512
00:29:21,227 --> 00:29:26,164
But not until we work
everything else out on the act tonight
before we go look like nerds on stage.
513
00:29:26,232 --> 00:29:30,396
Like what?
Never mind. Look, look. Let's just go
find Frankie and work on this thing.
514
00:29:30,470 --> 00:29:33,303
Give ourselves a chance.
What do you say?
515
00:29:35,208 --> 00:29:37,142
Okay.
All right. Come on. Let's go.
516
00:29:37,210 --> 00:29:39,144
I, uh...
I came in here for a reason.
517
00:29:44,584 --> 00:29:47,075
Hi! I'm Dave Parker,
your man on the street,
518
00:29:47,153 --> 00:29:49,018
and I'm here today with...
Supergirl!
519
00:29:49,088 --> 00:29:51,352
And I'm Superman.
520
00:29:51,424 --> 00:29:54,154
So, uh, how do you
two superheroes have sex?
521
00:29:54,227 --> 00:29:56,161
Um, vertically.
522
00:29:57,530 --> 00:29:59,464
Switch.
Now walk.
Now walk, walk, walk.
523
00:29:59,532 --> 00:30:02,000
Oh, that's good.
I like it. Yes, I like it.
524
00:30:02,068 --> 00:30:04,002
Yes.
Ooh!
525
00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:10,173
Go out. Get like somebody
in the audience. Yeah, that's it.
526
00:30:12,245 --> 00:30:16,841
If Burl Ives married Milton Berle,
they'd be Burl Berle.
Why do you even bother thinking?
527
00:30:16,916 --> 00:30:18,850
Hey, it's no bother at all.
Ha.
528
00:30:18,918 --> 00:30:21,409
Why was Ben-Hur a her
if he was actually a him?
529
00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:24,650
H-U-R not H-E-R.
There you go again,
moving your vowels on stage.
530
00:30:24,724 --> 00:30:25,782
I got one for you.
Yes?
531
00:30:25,858 --> 00:30:27,587
If you're still listening.
532
00:30:48,014 --> 00:30:49,948
Okay. Okay, we open in 20 minutes.
533
00:30:50,016 --> 00:30:51,950
9:30's your curtain.
Okay.
534
00:30:52,018 --> 00:30:55,749
Okay, I'm gonna take a shower
and stuff like that,
and I will see you guys back here.
535
00:30:55,821 --> 00:30:58,654
Uh, Frankie? Um...
Yeah?
536
00:30:58,724 --> 00:31:00,954
I just wanted to tell you, l...
I thought you were...
537
00:31:01,027 --> 00:31:04,656
You were really, really great
in that, uh, superhero sketch.
538
00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:08,029
You did? Really?
Yeah. It just...
It needs a little...
539
00:31:08,100 --> 00:31:11,467
Uh, you're gonna be...
No, you're gonna be great tonight.
540
00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:14,404
Thank you, Mack.
That means a lot comin' from you.
541
00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:20,104
Look, um... I, uh...
About what I said before, I just...
542
00:31:20,179 --> 00:31:22,670
I wanted to tell you
that I'm-I'm sor...
543
00:31:22,748 --> 00:31:24,773
Um, I'm s-s-sor...
544
00:31:26,252 --> 00:31:30,245
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's okay.
I knew you didn't mean it.
545
00:31:31,490 --> 00:31:33,924
You did?
Yeah, I did.
546
00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:40,431
Frankie, um... Look, I've been crazy about you
ever since the first time I saw you at Cocono's,
547
00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:43,161
and-and I've been tryin' to find the words,
but every time I do, it just...
548
00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:48,138
It's hard, 'cause l... I can't. I stumble.
No, I know.
Look, let's just... start over.
549
00:31:50,943 --> 00:31:55,539
Ah, I love happy endings.
Don't you?
550
00:31:55,615 --> 00:31:57,549
Let's leap outta here, huh?
Yeah.
551
00:31:57,617 --> 00:32:02,054
Well, if Macky and Frankie... If they're all
lovey-dovey and everything's gonna be fine,
552
00:32:02,121 --> 00:32:04,180
the trio's gonna be a hit, then, uh...
Yeah.
553
00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:08,522
- I should be leapin'now, right?
- Yeah, l... I don't have
a good feeling about this.
554
00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:10,562
Why not? What's goin' on?
555
00:32:10,630 --> 00:32:12,689
Well, l...
What?
556
00:32:12,765 --> 00:32:16,360
- Kind of have the same feeling
that Pandora's mother must have had...
- Frankie.
557
00:32:16,435 --> 00:32:19,404
- When she opened the box.
- I have a little somethin' for you.
558
00:32:19,472 --> 00:32:22,066
I'd like you to wear it when
I take you to dinner tonight.
559
00:32:22,141 --> 00:32:25,508
And anything else you'd like
to wear under it is, of course, optional.
560
00:32:26,779 --> 00:32:29,543
Well, here 'tis.
Come on, baby. Try it on.
561
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:32,448
- You son of a...
- No, Mack!
562
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:35,386
Easy, easy.
Mr. MacKay.
563
00:32:36,822 --> 00:32:39,882
You just made
a very big career mistake.
564
00:32:42,228 --> 00:32:44,788
You'rejust like every other woman
I've met in my whole life.
565
00:32:44,864 --> 00:32:47,162
You're just... just a user.
Another damned user!
566
00:32:47,233 --> 00:32:49,895
Mack.
Mack! Mack, I wasn't...
567
00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:54,637
Sam, you changed history.
Now they don't go on tonight at all.
568
00:32:54,707 --> 00:32:58,734
And Mack's body is found
in the desert...
569
00:32:58,811 --> 00:33:01,075
in 1982.
570
00:33:01,147 --> 00:33:06,744
And 1985. And 1989.
571
00:33:09,121 --> 00:33:11,112
He's lizard food.
572
00:33:15,527 --> 00:33:17,461
Why is this happening?
573
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:20,657
Because Mack's fuse
is shorter than his lifeline.
574
00:33:20,733 --> 00:33:24,066
What am I gonna do?
Look, you gotta talk to him, okay?
575
00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:27,469
You tell him you had nothin' to do with
DeGorio and his cockamamie dinner fantasy.
576
00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:30,838
- What if he doesn't listen to me?
- He's in love with her.
He'll never listen.
577
00:33:30,910 --> 00:33:34,903
You make him listen.
You tell him. I'm gonna go find DeGorio
and try and straighten everything out.
578
00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:39,610
But in the meantime, you make sure
that he's here for the show, okay?
Now get going. Go. Go, go, go, go, go!
579
00:33:39,685 --> 00:33:42,381
Okay. I'm gonna go back
and run some scenarios,
580
00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:44,979
and maybe Ziggy
can piece together what happened.
581
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:47,617
Uh, no pun intended.
582
00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:49,820
I'll see ya.
583
00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:56,728
Mack! Mack! Come back.
I want to talk to you.
584
00:33:56,802 --> 00:34:00,636
Just go away.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not until you listen to me.
585
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:03,197
I don't have to.
My eyes have seen the whole picture.
586
00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:06,108
No. I love you, Mack.
Damn it!
587
00:34:06,178 --> 00:34:10,478
I did not have any intention of going out
with DeGorio or anyone else.
588
00:34:11,817 --> 00:34:13,944
I'm just not buyin' it, Frankie.
589
00:34:14,019 --> 00:34:17,921
Why don't... Why don't you and Davey
just go out there and make it work, okay?
590
00:34:17,990 --> 00:34:22,120
I'm goin' on my own. I don't need him
and I definitely don't need you. All right?
Yes, you do.
591
00:34:22,194 --> 00:34:24,662
I can make it on my own.
592
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:29,827
Okay. Okay, you have the talent...
593
00:34:29,902 --> 00:34:32,837
and God knows you have the guts.
594
00:34:34,394 --> 00:34:38,421
But... who you gonna
come home to, Mack?
595
00:34:42,097 --> 00:34:45,621
L... I've... I've got... my plants.
596
00:34:47,353 --> 00:34:51,289
Why are you always running away?
597
00:34:52,291 --> 00:34:54,225
You think you understand me,
don't you?
598
00:34:55,627 --> 00:35:01,190
You think you... You think you know
why I keep a safe distance away
from women like you.
599
00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:03,496
Yeah?
600
00:35:03,569 --> 00:35:05,867
Yeah? Well, you...
Well, you don't.
601
00:35:05,938 --> 00:35:08,532
You don't understand this much
about what makes me tick.
602
00:35:09,675 --> 00:35:15,307
Well, I think I understand
that when you were a little kid,
603
00:35:15,381 --> 00:35:19,147
maybe those big muscle guy creeps...
604
00:35:19,218 --> 00:35:24,246
used to pick on you and beat up on you
'cause you were a wimp.
605
00:35:24,323 --> 00:35:27,417
And the only way that you could
protect yourself and save your butt...
606
00:35:27,493 --> 00:35:30,360
was to make 'em laugh and be funny,
607
00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:34,490
and God, you've been doin' that
for so long, you couldn't stop
if you wanted to now, huh?
608
00:35:38,437 --> 00:35:40,530
See? You don't know
anything about me.
609
00:35:44,710 --> 00:35:46,837
Why don't you listen to her, Mack?
610
00:35:48,981 --> 00:35:50,915
You don't understand, Davey.
611
00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:54,377
I'll tell you what I understand...
612
00:35:55,954 --> 00:35:59,082
that you're gonna throw away
your career...
613
00:35:59,158 --> 00:36:02,594
and a chance at a great relationship
in one fell swoop.
614
00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:05,221
And for what? For the...
615
00:36:05,297 --> 00:36:08,926
For the chance to show
that everybody else is wrong?
616
00:36:09,001 --> 00:36:10,935
What are you talkin' about?
617
00:36:12,137 --> 00:36:15,937
It just seems to me
like you set everybody up to fail,
618
00:36:16,008 --> 00:36:20,968
so that when things go wrong,
it's never your fault.
619
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:26,242
Don't destroy us
before we've had a chance.
620
00:36:26,318 --> 00:36:31,017
You gotta trust somebody, Mack.
Trust me.
621
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,758
Okay, okay.
Enough of the mushy stuff.
622
00:36:42,835 --> 00:36:45,065
Come on. We got a show to do.
623
00:36:45,137 --> 00:36:47,765
- What about DeGorio?
- I'm not worried about him.
624
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,831
Well, you should
be worried about him,
625
00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:52,843
'cause I don't know a whole lot
of dead comics with great careers goin'.
626
00:36:52,911 --> 00:36:54,845
He's not gonna kill me.
Oh, yes, he is.
627
00:36:54,913 --> 00:36:57,381
Ninety percent chance
he doesn't make it to the opening show.
628
00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:59,644
Where's your tux?
It's in the dressing room.
629
00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:02,881
But I gotta take a shower.
No, no. No showers.
We're not takin' any more chances.
630
00:37:02,955 --> 00:37:04,889
Now you go get ready
and meet us backstage.
631
00:37:04,957 --> 00:37:07,118
Well, I thought you were
gonna talk to DeGorio.
632
00:37:07,192 --> 00:37:09,126
Well, nobody can find him.
633
00:37:09,194 --> 00:37:12,630
His odds are going up, Sam.
He still gets killed,
but the time frame is shifting.
634
00:37:12,698 --> 00:37:16,759
Listen to me. I told his henchman
to meet us backstage between shows,
635
00:37:16,835 --> 00:37:18,860
okay, and we'll talk peace.
636
00:37:18,937 --> 00:37:20,928
Now just go get dressed,
all right? Hurry up.
637
00:37:28,113 --> 00:37:31,014
Oh, I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
So how do I look? And be honest.
638
00:37:31,083 --> 00:37:35,417
Be totally honest, 'cause I think
the beads are too much.
Will you just relax? You look gorgeous.
639
00:37:35,487 --> 00:37:37,978
Sam, you gotta get outta here.
We gotta do the show.
640
00:37:38,056 --> 00:37:40,718
Okay, as soon as
the opening act is done.
DeGorio's gonna grab Mack.
641
00:37:40,792 --> 00:37:42,726
Look, maybe we shouldn't go on.
642
00:37:42,794 --> 00:37:46,525
I don't know who's more nervous,
Frankie or you.
643
00:37:46,598 --> 00:37:51,365
Oh, no. Wait now.
Now Ziggy... Now Ziggy's sayin'
that you do have to go out and perform,
644
00:37:51,436 --> 00:37:55,065
because Darryl F. Zanuck...
Huh?
645
00:37:55,140 --> 00:37:58,541
Is in the audience,
and he's gonna sign you to a contract,
646
00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:03,513
and then that's how you meet your wife,
and you have three kids,
two girls and... Oh, boy.
647
00:38:03,582 --> 00:38:05,880
- Darryl Zanuck?
- What?
648
00:38:05,951 --> 00:38:08,249
Uh... Uh... Nothin;
649
00:38:25,037 --> 00:38:28,803
Ladies and gentlemen,
a nice hand for Maria Rose!
650
00:38:28,874 --> 00:38:32,776
Yes! Nice job, honey.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
651
00:38:32,844 --> 00:38:36,541
the luxurious lounge here at the all new,
fabulous Las Vegas Golden Sand Hotel...
652
00:38:36,615 --> 00:38:41,052
is proud to present the comedy
of Parker, MacKay and Fields!
653
00:38:41,119 --> 00:38:43,053
Lets give 'em a warm welcome.
Fields?
654
00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:45,055
Oh. Well, I liked Fields the best.
655
00:39:01,373 --> 00:39:04,740
Thank you. You're very, very kind,
and you're well-dressed.
Hey!
656
00:39:04,810 --> 00:39:07,074
Now how about takin' all that off?
657
00:39:09,414 --> 00:39:12,076
I oughta belt you.
Well, you don't have to.
I got a cummerbund.
658
00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:16,385
That's a nice look too.
Did they give you
a set of bagpipes with that?
659
00:39:18,290 --> 00:39:20,485
Yes, they're in my pants.
660
00:40:05,337 --> 00:40:08,829
My brother was just released from
an asylum today, and before we...
661
00:40:11,243 --> 00:40:15,179
Before I marry you,
I only thought it fair to...
662
00:40:15,247 --> 00:40:19,547
show you our horrible family... tree.
663
00:40:20,986 --> 00:40:25,286
Oh, Leonard, you poor man.
664
00:40:25,357 --> 00:40:27,882
Uh... Uh, what a painful secret.
665
00:40:27,959 --> 00:40:30,655
But you know,
your secret is safe with me.
666
00:40:30,729 --> 00:40:32,993
It will never leave my lips.
667
00:40:34,833 --> 00:40:36,767
Is something wrong, my dear?
668
00:40:36,835 --> 00:40:40,566
Oh, no. It's just that those were,
uh, plastic grapes.
669
00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:45,406
I love plastic grapes.
670
00:40:46,545 --> 00:40:48,740
It's okay, you see,
because Arnold loves plastic.
671
00:40:48,814 --> 00:40:50,748
I love anything plastic.
672
00:40:50,816 --> 00:40:54,115
He... He loves anything plastic.
673
00:40:54,186 --> 00:40:56,950
He really does. And I think...
674
00:40:58,190 --> 00:41:00,488
that he really likes you too,
my dear.
675
00:41:00,559 --> 00:41:03,460
I really like you.
I really, really like you.
676
00:41:28,053 --> 00:41:30,817
MacKay...
And Fields!
677
00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:32,823
Thank you.
678
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,965
The fabulous comedy stylings
of Parker, MacKay and Fields.
679
00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:56,002
Let's bring 'em out one more time,
with a big round of applause
for Parker, MacKay and Fields.
680
00:41:56,081 --> 00:41:58,675
Ho! Yeah!
681
00:41:58,750 --> 00:42:01,048
You can't do this.
I'm in the middle of a show.
682
00:42:01,119 --> 00:42:05,681
Sam, they're snatchin' Mack!
Two big ugly guys
with noses for faces! Hurry up!
683
00:42:05,757 --> 00:42:08,351
They're takin' him down the stairs!
684
00:42:35,854 --> 00:42:39,688
All right.
Everybody hold it right there.
685
00:42:39,758 --> 00:42:43,353
Now look, this ain't got nothin'
to do with you two.
686
00:42:43,428 --> 00:42:45,555
This is between Mr. MacKay
and Mr. DeGorio.
687
00:42:45,630 --> 00:42:48,326
So if you two wouldjust get lost
and forget about this,
688
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,368
I'd be more than happy
to let you keep breathin'.
689
00:42:50,435 --> 00:42:54,838
Sam, you're all gonna end up dead
unless you do something about this
right here and right now.
690
00:42:54,906 --> 00:42:57,374
You know, killin' us
isn't gonna solve anything.
691
00:42:57,442 --> 00:42:59,501
Who said anything
about killin' anybody?
692
00:42:59,578 --> 00:43:02,638
Oh, so you brought the terminator
and his evil twin as an escort service?
693
00:43:02,714 --> 00:43:06,980
Look, if we could just have
a conversation with Mr. DeGorio,
I'm sure we could work all this out.
694
00:43:07,052 --> 00:43:11,785
And, uh, what makes you
so sure of that?
695
00:43:11,857 --> 00:43:14,382
Joey, it's not too bright
to shoot off a gun in the club.
696
00:43:16,328 --> 00:43:19,923
Mr. DeGorio, if you kill Mack tonight,
697
00:43:21,366 --> 00:43:24,665
sooner or later someone
is gonna report him missing,
698
00:43:24,736 --> 00:43:26,670
and then everybody's
gonna know it was you.
699
00:43:28,173 --> 00:43:32,872
Missing and dead are very
different things, Mr. Parker.
And no body...
700
00:43:34,846 --> 00:43:38,441
- means no charges.
- He's right, Sam.
Hassles, but no charges.
701
00:43:38,517 --> 00:43:40,542
Yeah, but don't you see that...
702
00:43:42,654 --> 00:43:46,055
none of this would've
happened at all if-if...
703
00:43:46,124 --> 00:43:48,092
- if you... if you...
- Me?
704
00:43:48,159 --> 00:43:50,286
- Yeah.
- Be careful. This is a life
and death situation.
705
00:43:50,362 --> 00:43:54,128
Yeah, if you had-hadn't
come on to...
706
00:43:54,199 --> 00:43:56,190
Mack's fiancée.
707
00:43:56,268 --> 00:43:58,759
Whoa. What was that?
708
00:43:58,837 --> 00:44:02,295
Um... That's right, Mr. DeGorio.
709
00:44:02,374 --> 00:44:05,241
See, that's why I didn't wanna
go out with you, because...
710
00:44:05,310 --> 00:44:07,904
because Mack and I are...
711
00:44:12,150 --> 00:44:14,277
Engaged.
712
00:44:14,352 --> 00:44:16,820
Yeah, we're very, very engaged.
713
00:44:24,296 --> 00:44:27,163
Well, why didn't anybody tell me
these two were engaged?
714
00:44:29,968 --> 00:44:33,836
Frankie, sweetheart,
715
00:44:33,905 --> 00:44:35,839
I wish you the best.
716
00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:42,305
MacKay... Don't ever hit me again.
Now come here.
717
00:44:42,380 --> 00:44:46,316
We're gonna have the wedding
at this club, on me.
I'm gonna take you down the aisle.
718
00:44:46,384 --> 00:44:49,785
We're gonna have a band, a party...
Joey, I love weddings!
719
00:44:52,090 --> 00:44:56,925
Well, you did it, Sam, and, uh...
You got somethin' on your face.
720
00:44:56,995 --> 00:44:58,929
Uh...
721
00:44:58,997 --> 00:45:02,865
Frankie and Mack go on
as MacKay and MacKay and they have
a successful nightclub career.
722
00:45:02,934 --> 00:45:05,698
They even have a couple of
Broadway hits that they write.
723
00:45:05,770 --> 00:45:11,265
Then they... They move to Connecticut,
and, uh, they're still married today.
724
00:45:11,343 --> 00:45:14,403
What-What are... What are...
What are you gonna do with that pie?
725
00:45:16,715 --> 00:45:18,740
Sam? Sam?
726
00:45:20,118 --> 00:45:23,349
What are you thinkin'
of do-do-doin' with that pie, Sam?
Now, come on.
727
00:45:23,421 --> 00:45:27,721
Sam, what are you... What are you...
What are you gonna do
with that pie, Sam? You wouldn't...
728
00:45:31,730 --> 00:45:34,631
Um...
729
00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:37,668
Say good night, Gracie.
730
00:45:57,989 --> 00:45:59,980
Hey, sailor.
731
00:46:02,927 --> 00:46:05,760
The ocean makes me feel so sexy.
732
00:46:13,906 --> 00:46:15,840
Oh, boy.