1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:05,063 Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, 2 00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:08,835 Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator... 3 00:00:08,908 --> 00:00:10,842 and vanished. 4 00:00:15,168 --> 00:00:17,762 He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, 5 00:00:17,787 --> 00:00:21,382 facing mirror images that were not his own... 6 00:00:21,407 --> 00:00:25,537 and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. 7 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:30,504 His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, 8 00:00:31,019 --> 00:00:35,615 who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. 9 00:00:35,999 --> 00:00:40,299 And so, Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, 10 00:00:40,324 --> 00:00:43,418 striving to put right what once went wrong... 11 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,276 and hoping each time that his next leap... 12 00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:48,831 will be the leap home. 13 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,178 Quantum leaping through time, I've leaped into an electric chair, 14 00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:00,658 gunfights, and a variety ofhandcuffs. 15 00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:03,548 It looks like I finally rated a cushy time. 16 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,825 Thank you. 17 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,833 No. 18 00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,170 Thank you. 19 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,075 Good morning, tiger. 20 00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:22,912 Good morning. No, no, you gotta stop doing that. 21 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,713 You want me to stop? No. Yes, please. Please! 22 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,720 Mom. 23 00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:30,188 My God, Mom. What would Dad say? 24 00:01:32,518 --> 00:01:33,689 Oh, boy. 25 00:02:50,176 --> 00:02:53,236 I mean what would he say? 26 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,910 I can well imagine that this might look a little... 27 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,504 Neil, your father has been dead for three years, 28 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,675 and not once during that time has he said a word. 29 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,775 I don't think he's gonna start now. 30 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,946 Jane. Don't... 31 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,150 Oh, I'm so sorry. 32 00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:15,490 We, uh, wanted to surprise you. 33 00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:18,497 Happy birthday. Happy birthday. 34 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:21,193 - A day early. - That's very nice of you. 35 00:03:23,393 --> 00:03:28,330 Uh, Joe, this is, uh, 36 00:03:28,355 --> 00:03:30,619 my son Neil and his wife, Liz. 37 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:34,161 This is Joe Thurlow. Joe is an actor. 38 00:03:34,395 --> 00:03:37,489 - Hi. - Hi. - Hi. 39 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:42,783 You know, maybe we could just meet you in the other room in just a second or so, huh? 40 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:46,019 Oh, sure. 41 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:49,324 Come on. Come on, Neil. 42 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:55,191 I told you we should've called first. Oh, I feel so embarrassed. 43 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,101 Don't say it. 44 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:01,140 Say what? 45 00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:05,372 That Neil looks a little older than 19. 46 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:09,211 Actually, no, he looks a lot more like 30. 47 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:12,911 That's because he is 30. 48 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,920 Thirty? 49 00:04:17,419 --> 00:04:21,082 Either you're incredibly polite, or you don't know how to subtract. 50 00:04:21,107 --> 00:04:24,668 I'm not gonna be 40. I'm gonna be 50... 51 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:28,568 and a grandmother. 52 00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:30,865 I hate birthdays. 53 00:04:30,911 --> 00:04:34,039 I hate surprises. 54 00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:38,271 Come on. You don't look a day over... 55 00:04:39,412 --> 00:04:42,210 Thirty-nine. 56 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,524 I don't understand it. 57 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,526 You're a woman. Why don't you ask her? 58 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:57,496 - I am not going to ask her. You ask her. - Ask me what? 59 00:04:57,537 --> 00:05:02,668 - Uh, how you like New York compared to Cleveland? - I'm having the time of my life. 60 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:06,137 I'm singing for the first time in years and it feels great. 61 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:10,702 - That's my tape playing. - That's you? 62 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:14,305 - Mm-hmm. - Neil, she's fabulous. 63 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,849 Well, Joe thinks I have a great career ahead of me. 64 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:21,684 Yeah. Well, so do I. I mean, I-I do. I do. 65 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,986 Uh, what's this? 66 00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:28,222 Oh, Joe took me on my first peace march last week. 67 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,526 Peace march, singing career. 68 00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:35,056 What's next? I mean, am I gonna have to start calling him "Dad," or something? 69 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:37,763 Joe is just a friend. 70 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:41,672 I'm sorry, Mom, but it all looks so... 71 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:46,202 - Oh, never mind. Never mind. - So, you're pregnant. 72 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,909 - Yeah. - Oh, I got some things for the baby. 73 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:53,043 - Oh, that's so sweet of you. - They're in the other room. I'll go get them. 74 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:57,113 Oh, here. No, let me... let me go get... Let me. 75 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,125 Joe, uh, Mm-hmm? 76 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:02,321 Why don't you stay and chat with Neil? 77 00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:07,093 Yes, let's chat. 78 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:12,931 These are beautiful. Thank you so much. 79 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:16,169 And this is for you. 80 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:19,110 Oh, goody. 81 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,439 Watercolors. 82 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:29,346 Thank you. By the way, all the folks back home said to send you their love. 83 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:33,917 Everybody misses you, Jane, and especially us. I miss you too. 84 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,224 And even though you've made a lot of new friends here, 85 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:39,629 there's no friends like... 86 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:43,158 like old friends at home. 87 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,969 Liz, what are you trying to say? 88 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:52,137 Well, just that it must be nice to have someone so young paying attention to you. 89 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:56,012 Oh, Joe is the best thing that's happened to me in a long, long time. 90 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,847 Please, be happy for me. Oh, I want to, Jane. 91 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,410 I really do, but... But what? 92 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:07,120 Well, it's just that I always pictured you with someone who's old enough to vote. 93 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,330 What did you do before you were an actor? 94 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:19,600 Uh, this and that. Hmm. 95 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:23,473 Did you go to school? Huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, you bet I did. 96 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,536 How was your trip out? Which school did you go to? 97 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,275 Which school did I go to? I went to, uh... 98 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:33,149 I went to a lot of different schools. 99 00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:37,080 First time in New York? You have graduated from high school, haven't you? 100 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:40,855 Yes, he did. And for the record, 101 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:46,195 he's 25 and has voted in every presidential election since, uh... 102 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,666 Uh, Ford and Carter. Who are they? 103 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,838 Nixon and McGovern. I don't know what I was... 104 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,703 Uh, darling. Hmm? 105 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:58,040 Nixon ran against Hubert Humphrey last year. 106 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:01,046 You've been voting since theJohnson-Goldwater election. 107 00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,139 Right. I voted for Johnson and Goldwater. 108 00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:05,583 You know, I am tired. 109 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,722 Why don't we go back to the hotel and freshen up? 110 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,724 We're staying at the Hampstead. 111 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,250 And tonight we'd like to take you someplace special. 112 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,263 Uh... Your choice. 113 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,492 We want your 50th birthday to be one you won't forget. 114 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:23,832 Oh, boy. Mm-hmm, you can say that again. 115 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,543 Good-bye. Good-bye. 116 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,738 Bye. Thanks again. 117 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:37,182 A singing career. Of course she fell for him. 118 00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:40,277 Maybe he just likes her voice. It is possible, you know. 119 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:44,450 Yes. Yes. So is my dancing Swan Lake in a tutu, but highly unlikely. 120 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:50,891 And did you see that outfit she had on? She's in love and you're jealous. 121 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:54,297 Jealous? Jealous? Liz, he's five years younger than me. 122 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:59,067 What could he possibly see in her? Neil, your mother is a wonderful woman. 123 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,597 She lied to me. They're shacking up. 124 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,906 She's lost it. I swear, she's lost it. 125 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,912 They think I've lost it. 126 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,279 Oh, I didn't get that really. 127 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,716 I really wasn't much help, was I? 128 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,812 Oh, Joe, I'm sorry I didn't tell them that you were living here. 129 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,256 I know how bad you want to get married and get this all out in the open, 130 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,887 but, well, maybe it's just not the right time. 131 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:26,455 - Okay. - The kids need more time to get to know you better, you know? 132 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:31,698 Well, that's fine. They can get to know me tonight at your birthday party. 133 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,969 Birthday party, my foot. They want me to come back to Cleveland. 134 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,478 Is that what Liz told you? Well, not in so many words, but I know it's true. 135 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:41,207 They think I'm too old to start singing. 136 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:44,512 And worse, they think I'm too old to be in love. 137 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,644 Uh-oh. Look at the time. You better hurry. Huh? 138 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,621 There's your script. Script? 139 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:53,387 - My Danish prince. - "H-Hamlet. '" 140 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:56,793 I'm so proud of you. The lead in your first New York production. 141 00:09:56,863 --> 00:10:02,358 In front of people? Well, okay, so there were only 80 people the opening week, 142 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,928 but even Laurence Olivier had to start somewhere. 143 00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:08,615 Oh, boy. Yeah. Hmm. 144 00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:15,440 To be or... 145 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,507 not to be... 146 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,450 that is the question. No! 147 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,422 No, no, no. 148 00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,857 Joe, 149 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,259 you're not breathing. 150 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,263 Feeling, smelling. 151 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,027 Smelling? Everybody, listen and learn. 152 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,035 Sensory acting. 153 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:39,436 - This is... - Denmark, 1500. 154 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:41,940 Deception is in the air. 155 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:45,501 - Everything is... - Damp, musty, frigid. 156 00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:49,913 That sounds like my third wife, or was it my second or fourth... most of my wives. 157 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,042 Smell. 158 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:57,147 Can you smell those Danish fjords, Joe? 159 00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:02,821 To be, or not... to be. That is the question. 160 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,887 And the answer is this guy should be in a straightjacket. 161 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,331 What's so funny? 162 00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:09,926 I was just kind of... 163 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,904 Smelling Hamlet's insanity. 164 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,464 I thought so. Yes, that's right. Do it. Now use the words. 165 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:22,740 Ah, whether it is nobler in the mind... 166 00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:26,616 To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. 167 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:30,589 Go with it. Or to take arms against a... 168 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,251 Sea of troubles, and by opposing end them. 169 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:37,922 To die. To sleep no more. 170 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,165 That was absolutely marvelous! 171 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:45,602 Oh Joe, if only you'd smelled like that last week. 172 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:48,300 But that's the past. This is the present. We must go on. 173 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,900 And if we all work very, very, very hard, 174 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,878 tomorrow night we just might have a chance. 175 00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,040 Take five. 176 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,878 You are so far out. Oh, well... 177 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:07,052 - It's really intense watching you. - I know just what you mean. 178 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:11,257 I didn't know your mother was coming. Mother? 179 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,265 Mother? Every guy should have a mother like that. 180 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,632 That is if she's your mother... I hope she's not your mother. 181 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:19,433 - Hi. - Hi. 182 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:23,738 Neil and Liz want to meet us for dinner tonight at the Black Light Club, 8:00. 183 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:28,076 So, uh, come home early, okay? Mm-hmm. 184 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,412 That-That must beJane, 185 00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:34,113 and that must be Petra. 186 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,588 You know, Sam, I know Jane is attractive, 187 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:41,855 but don't you think maybe she's a little, uh, long in the tooth for you? 188 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:45,295 Her teeth look just great to me. No, no, no. 189 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,766 I mean, don't you think she's more right for me? Oh, no. No, no. 190 00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:51,702 She's much too sophisticated for you. She's too old for you, Sam. 191 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:55,105 Men marry younger women all the time. And I think it's a crummy double standard. 192 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:57,473 That says that women can't do the same thing. She's too... 193 00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:01,605 Why am I talkin' to you? What am I here for? 194 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,279 Jane doesn't die, does she? Oh, no. 195 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:09,186 It's much worse than death. What? 196 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,816 In two days, she goes home. 197 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,326 Home? Do I go... Does Joe go with her? 198 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:17,852 No. She spends the rest of her life alone. Alone? 199 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,455 Without love. Without love? 200 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:22,366 In Cleveland. In Clev... 201 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,310 So I must be here to keep Jane and Joe together, right? 202 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:39,580 I don't know. You don't know? What do you mean? 203 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:43,180 September 10, 1969. That's tomorrow. 204 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,589 That's right, it is. Yeah. 205 00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:50,096 ButJoe, he doesn't go on as Hamlet. The play gets canceled. 206 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:54,182 And there's agents in the audience so he blows his big break. 207 00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:56,235 And his life goes downhill from there. 208 00:13:56,303 --> 00:14:01,798 He becomes an extra in movies, and he goes into real estate. 209 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:07,040 So it has to be that you're here to make sure he goes on as Hamlet. Gotta be. 210 00:14:08,549 --> 00:14:11,712 Well, what aboutJane? Does she ever sing again? 211 00:14:11,785 --> 00:14:16,051 Let's see. Sing, well, there's nothing about singing in here. 212 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:19,354 Uh, she doesn't have a great life. But at least she's got her family. 213 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:22,418 You should hear her sing, Al. I mean, she-she has a terrific voice. 214 00:14:22,496 --> 00:14:25,465 It would be a shame. It would be a waste if she never did anything with it. 215 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,796 Oh. 216 00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,802 Oh. Hmm? What? 217 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,430 That brings back memories. That really brings back... Ex-wife? 218 00:14:32,506 --> 00:14:35,907 Yeah, my fifth. Or was it my fifth? Your f... 219 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,001 Yeah, it was the fifth. It was the fifth. 220 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:41,241 She always had a dream of skating... 221 00:14:42,483 --> 00:14:44,474 professionally... 222 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,485 in the roller derby. Roller derby? 223 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:51,547 Yeah. And it was hard watching her build her hopes up for those tryouts, 224 00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:54,389 you know, and then fail. 225 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:58,830 She never got it. She fell on her tushy all the time. Al. 226 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:02,198 So she tried a little ice skating, 227 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,260 but it wasn't the same, it wasn't the same. 228 00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,329 Finally we broke up. 229 00:15:07,508 --> 00:15:10,341 Are you telling me that you broke up with your fifth wife... 230 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:15,211 because she couldn't get into the roller derby game? No. She ran off with a bricklayer. 231 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:18,410 I'll tell you though. Every time I see a roller skate, 232 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,419 I get all choked up. Al. 233 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:25,049 It just goes to show you that some dreams are supposed to stay up in the clouds. 234 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,390 What are you talking about? No, you can never give up on your dreams. 235 00:15:28,462 --> 00:15:31,522 What if you build her up and she tries and then she fails? 236 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,532 What if she doesn't fall on her tushy? What if she succeeds? 237 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,534 You can't hit a home run if you don't come up to the plate. 238 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,537 Ziggy says there's a 91% probability... You told me that once... 239 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,130 that you're here to go on as Hamlet. 240 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:44,268 There's nothing in here about a singing career. Nothing! 241 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,108 You're here to go on as Hamlet. Okay? 242 00:16:23,951 --> 00:16:25,885 More. More! No. 243 00:16:25,953 --> 00:16:27,887 More! Not another one. 244 00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:30,583 Come on. I could listen to you all night. Oh, darling. 245 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,785 - You're probably the only person on earth who could. - Probably? 246 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:38,923 - Now don't get on me again about making the rounds of agents and managers. - But your tape. 247 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,433 It needs work. It's perfect. 248 00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,927 Look, Jane. 249 00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:49,403 If you don't believe in your talent, nobody else is. 250 00:16:50,978 --> 00:16:55,074 I mean, what's the worst thing that anybody could say? I sound like Tiny Tim? 251 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:58,481 Never. Now, come on. 252 00:17:00,821 --> 00:17:04,257 Did l... Did I say something wrong? 253 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,349 Wrong? 254 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:10,385 Oh, you're the only person I've ever known who sees me for what I could be. 255 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:15,231 Nobody's ever believed in me like you. 256 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,236 Why? 257 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,366 Well, what you did. 258 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:27,539 I mean, moving to New York and everything. That... 259 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:32,313 That took a lot of courage. I admire you for that. 260 00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,548 I admire your voice. 261 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,191 I admire your eyes. 262 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,155 I am a very lucky woman. 263 00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,893 You are pretty incredible. 264 00:17:46,967 --> 00:17:48,958 So are you. 265 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:06,018 Hi. How are you? 266 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,020 Jane. Yeah? 267 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:10,750 - We've got a surprise for you. - Hey, Janie. 268 00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:13,019 - Ted? - Jane! 269 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:17,257 It is so good to see you. Zowie! 270 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:20,094 You look, uh, different. 271 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:23,034 I like it. I like it. Well, you haven't changed a bit. 272 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:28,769 Uh, Ted, I'd like you to meet my friend, Joe Thurlow. 273 00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:31,504 Joe. You know, when you left, 274 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,240 Cleveland lost its prettiest girl. 275 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,748 When you left, Cleveland lost its biggest liar. 276 00:18:36,817 --> 00:18:39,285 No, no, no. I'm telling you the truth. 277 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,879 How could you leave, Jane? Well, I'm sure you haven't been lonely. 278 00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,925 - I've been very lonely. - So, Ted. 279 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,153 What business are you in? 280 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:53,256 Uh, oh, I, uh... I run a little, uh, textiles operation. 281 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:57,736 Little? Ted's company employs 2,000 people. 282 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,602 My biggest customer is the U.S. Army. 283 00:19:00,674 --> 00:19:05,236 And, boy, do they run through uniforms in Vietnam, I can tell you. 284 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,246 You sound like that's a good thing. 285 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,806 Watch out, Ted. Joe's one of the war protesters. 286 00:19:10,884 --> 00:19:16,220 Ah, so, uh, you're anti-American. 287 00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:18,348 No. Actually, I'm just the opposite. 288 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:23,260 I just think that this war is gonna cost us in more ways than you could imagine. 289 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,891 - Now, look, you two, please. - You hippies think you have so much to say about what's right. 290 00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:30,425 Why can't you just keep your mouth shut? Freedom of speech is my fundamental right. 291 00:19:30,504 --> 00:19:33,302 Yeah. Well, men lost their lives defending that right. 292 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:38,868 And a lot more are gonna lose their lives needlessly. You know, you're a coward. 293 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,607 What is your draft status, anyway? Oh, what do you know? 294 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,512 Joe, they're playing our song. 295 00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:48,846 Excuse us, Ted. 296 00:19:52,526 --> 00:19:55,359 ...is our song? It is now. 297 00:19:56,930 --> 00:20:00,627 - Punk. - Our plan's not working. 298 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,032 Uh, just give it some time. 299 00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:06,869 Why do you two have to be so sneaky? Neil, just ask her to come home. 300 00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:08,874 And, Ted, just ask her to marry you. 301 00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:12,241 What? Tell the truth? No. 302 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:17,910 Darling, I know you feel she'd be safer in Cleveland, but... 303 00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:20,043 maybe she's really found love. 304 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,884 She thinks she's found love. Take it from me. 305 00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:24,947 This relationship is doomed. 306 00:20:25,025 --> 00:20:29,189 A 25-year spread in age is just too much to overcome. 307 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,657 Joe is bound to get tired of her. 308 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:36,065 And when he does, I'll be there. 309 00:20:45,879 --> 00:20:47,813 Excuse me. 310 00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:49,815 May I cut in, young man? 311 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:02,659 Joe. What a coincidence running into you here. 312 00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:05,289 Yeah. Hi. 313 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:09,461 Wow, Nehru jackets are so sexy. 314 00:21:10,804 --> 00:21:13,773 Yeah. Well, I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow. 315 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:18,038 You know, I remember when you could dance to music. 316 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:23,048 You still can. Yeah, well, maybe you can. And your friend. 317 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:29,916 Speaking of which, uh, doesn't he strike you as a little, uh... Young? 318 00:21:29,990 --> 00:21:31,924 Well, uh, now that you mention it. 319 00:21:31,992 --> 00:21:36,725 Don't you think you'd be happier with somebody a little more, uh, mature, 320 00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,264 well-seasoned, debonair, charming? 321 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:42,563 Oh, you mean like you? You flatter me. Thank you. 322 00:21:42,636 --> 00:21:46,299 I'm happy with Joe. 323 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:49,103 I'm happy that you're happy. 324 00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:52,474 So, I guess we're, uh... we're all happy. 325 00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:57,583 Neil tells me that you've got a singing career going. 326 00:21:57,651 --> 00:22:01,985 I know how tough that must be to get something like that started. 327 00:22:02,055 --> 00:22:04,489 Especially, uh... 328 00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:06,787 You mean, in the over-40 crowd? 329 00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:10,456 A lot of people get started late in life. 330 00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:13,431 I'm not gonna turn 50 and act like an old grandmother, 331 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:17,436 even though that is what I'm about to become. 332 00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:21,270 Old? No, no, no, not you. Come on. 333 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,935 Hey, you know, I have a brainstorm. 334 00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:28,504 Why don't you come back to Cleveland and sing? People love you there. 335 00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,981 People love me here. 336 00:22:38,792 --> 00:22:42,455 You must think your mother's lost her mind, coming to New York to become a singer, right? 337 00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:44,224 I wouldn't say that. Why would you say that? 338 00:22:44,297 --> 00:22:47,425 Look. Why don't we, uh... 339 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:51,630 Why don't we all be honest here. You came to bring your mother back to Cleveland, right? 340 00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:55,402 Jane is a terrific singer. She deserves to have a chance at success. 341 00:22:55,475 --> 00:23:00,037 Most women her age take up watercolors. Most women don't have her voice. 342 00:23:00,113 --> 00:23:02,843 Look, we just don't want to see her disappointed. Or hurt. 343 00:23:02,916 --> 00:23:05,908 You know, at her age, she might not get over it. What she might not get over... 344 00:23:05,986 --> 00:23:09,149 is knowing whether she could've made it or not, because you wouldn't let her try. 345 00:23:09,222 --> 00:23:13,215 Look, I've been listening to her sing around the house my whole life. 346 00:23:13,293 --> 00:23:17,024 I love her, but she is nothing special. 347 00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:22,500 All right. I'll tell you what. 348 00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:25,163 If I can prove to you that she has talent, 349 00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:27,172 that she's special, 350 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,333 will you go back to Cleveland, alone? 351 00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:31,172 No. I don't know. That's... You're on. 352 00:23:31,244 --> 00:23:33,508 Liz? Look, we're not being objective. 353 00:23:33,580 --> 00:23:36,572 I mean, your mother thought you were too messy to be an accountant. 354 00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:40,517 Didn't even think you'd pass the C.P.A. Exam. Well, she was wrong. I showed her. 355 00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:44,023 Yeah. Now it's her turn. Let her show you. We accept your challenge. 356 00:23:45,025 --> 00:23:49,394 - Right, Neil? - L... All right. 357 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:57,866 Joe? Where's he going? 358 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,599 Sure, man. Thanks. L-I really appreciate it. 359 00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:04,165 What's going on? I just talked to the band leader and asked him if you could sing. 360 00:24:04,244 --> 00:24:07,702 And he's all for it. They know... It's all set. 361 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:09,874 I can't. What? 362 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:12,816 You just sang for me and you were terrific! Now, come on. 363 00:24:12,886 --> 00:24:14,547 For me. 364 00:24:16,056 --> 00:24:20,083 Okay. Let me put on some lipstick. Mom, don't do this to yourself. 365 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,287 Look around. This is not your living room. 366 00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:30,193 It's all right. 367 00:24:30,270 --> 00:24:32,830 The Black Light Club introduces a fab new singer. 368 00:24:32,906 --> 00:24:36,239 Everybody, let's give it up forJane Lindhurst! 369 00:24:59,065 --> 00:25:00,999 Start singing. 370 00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:03,501 Oh, no. 371 00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:05,663 This is even more embarrassing than I thought. 372 00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:12,370 I-I can't. 373 00:25:13,379 --> 00:25:16,610 What's wrong? Come on, mellow out. 374 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,844 Gee, she's really upset. 375 00:25:25,292 --> 00:25:27,783 I'm sorry. I, uh... 376 00:25:30,331 --> 00:25:32,799 I feel like such a fool. 377 00:25:34,735 --> 00:25:37,033 It's my fault. I should've given you more time. 378 00:25:37,104 --> 00:25:42,371 Oh, give me a hundred years. I still wouldn't have been ready. 379 00:25:43,411 --> 00:25:48,405 Look, I don't believe that. An hour ago you felt really great about singing. 380 00:25:49,717 --> 00:25:53,585 It's one thing singing for somebody you know, you, the kids. 381 00:25:53,654 --> 00:25:56,020 But this is New York. 382 00:25:56,090 --> 00:25:58,684 Neil's right. 383 00:25:58,759 --> 00:26:03,321 Why am I putting myself through this? Because it's something you want. 384 00:26:03,397 --> 00:26:07,561 It's okay to want something for yourself. It's okay to want success. 385 00:26:07,635 --> 00:26:10,160 It's even okay for Neil to be wrong about you. 386 00:26:10,237 --> 00:26:12,637 Neil only wants what's right for her, Joe. 387 00:26:12,706 --> 00:26:14,674 Neil wants what's best for Neil. 388 00:26:14,742 --> 00:26:18,007 You're saying her son wants to hurt her? 389 00:26:18,079 --> 00:26:21,913 No. I'm just saying he only wants her to do what makes him comfortable. 390 00:26:21,982 --> 00:26:25,577 Listen to me. Neil has got to let go. 391 00:26:25,653 --> 00:26:30,352 He's gotta let you live your own life. And you've gotta help him, 'cause he's never gonna do it by himself. 392 00:26:30,424 --> 00:26:32,824 Boyfriends come and go, Joe. 393 00:26:32,893 --> 00:26:37,057 But her son will always be there for her. 394 00:26:37,131 --> 00:26:39,065 Ted's right. 395 00:26:40,401 --> 00:26:43,029 L-I can't cut Neil out of my life. 396 00:26:43,104 --> 00:26:46,665 I didn't say that. I just don't think that he should con... 397 00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:49,641 Sorry, I-I didn't mean to cause a problem. Yeah. 398 00:26:53,414 --> 00:26:55,609 Love's a funny thing, huh? 399 00:26:55,683 --> 00:27:00,017 Makes you do strange things. Oh, hell, Al. It's not Neil's fault. 400 00:27:00,087 --> 00:27:03,887 He thinks he's doing the right thing. What do you think? 401 00:27:03,958 --> 00:27:06,927 I... I don't know. 402 00:27:06,994 --> 00:27:11,454 You've known her for one day. Neil has known her his entire life. 403 00:27:11,532 --> 00:27:14,558 And you push her too hard, and she's gonna wish she'd never even known you. 404 00:27:14,635 --> 00:27:19,402 Well, I may not have the answer, Al, but that doesn't mean that Neil does. 405 00:27:19,473 --> 00:27:21,407 You shouldn't even be here. Huh? 406 00:27:21,475 --> 00:27:24,569 You should be rehearsing Shakespeare. Oh, come on. 407 00:27:24,645 --> 00:27:27,239 You're not here to help her. 408 00:27:33,387 --> 00:27:35,321 Where's Mom? 409 00:27:35,389 --> 00:27:38,324 She had to, uh, powder her nose. 410 00:27:40,161 --> 00:27:44,257 Oh, uh, my nose is a little shiny too. Excuse me. 411 00:27:50,504 --> 00:27:53,598 Don't feel bad. You meant well. 412 00:28:00,948 --> 00:28:05,180 So, Joe. I believe you owe me an apology. What were you afraid of anyway? That she'd be good? 413 00:28:05,252 --> 00:28:08,551 What I'm afraid of is you. You live with my mother, 414 00:28:08,622 --> 00:28:11,386 you're younger than me, and you don't have a job. 415 00:28:11,458 --> 00:28:14,518 Ah, the triple threat. 416 00:28:14,595 --> 00:28:18,395 - I'm not sponging off of her. - Well, how much rent are you paying her? 417 00:28:18,465 --> 00:28:21,866 - What does that have to do with... - I thought so. 418 00:28:21,936 --> 00:28:25,133 I'm not a gigolo. Oh, come on, Joe. 419 00:28:25,206 --> 00:28:28,937 I mean, when are you gonna get a real job, huh? I'm an actor. 420 00:28:29,009 --> 00:28:31,603 Okay, I may not be a C.P. A... 421 00:28:31,679 --> 00:28:36,343 or own a huge corporation and wear three-piece suits, but acting is legitimate work. 422 00:28:36,417 --> 00:28:39,079 Yeah, I knew a guy once who called himself an actor. 423 00:28:39,153 --> 00:28:42,611 The only acting he ever did is when he called home to borrow money. 424 00:28:42,690 --> 00:28:47,650 Died broke. Drained his family. Broke his poor mother's heart. 425 00:28:47,728 --> 00:28:52,995 I'm doing a play tomorrow night. It's off-Broadway, and it pays. Off-Broadway? 426 00:28:53,067 --> 00:28:57,663 - It's Hamlet. - Oh, Hamlet. No kidding? Very impressive. 427 00:28:57,738 --> 00:29:00,229 Why don't you come see it and judge for yourself? 428 00:29:00,307 --> 00:29:04,004 Well, thanks for the invitation, old man. Count me in. 429 00:29:04,078 --> 00:29:08,742 How about you, Neil? Oh, come on, it'll be fun. 430 00:29:08,816 --> 00:29:11,114 Uh, Neil, don't you think we ought to get going? 431 00:29:11,185 --> 00:29:14,416 Because you have to be back at work and we have an early train to catch tomorrow morning. 432 00:29:14,488 --> 00:29:18,982 No, we don't. We're gonna take the red-eye tomorrow night, after the show. 433 00:29:19,059 --> 00:29:23,519 - Show? - Yes. Uh, Joe here has invited us all to the theater. 434 00:29:23,597 --> 00:29:26,589 Well, Joe, isn't that sweet? 435 00:29:26,667 --> 00:29:29,158 He's persistent. You gotta give him that. 436 00:29:29,236 --> 00:29:31,761 Yes, I suppose I do. 437 00:29:41,081 --> 00:29:45,745 After the club, I hoped that maybe dinner would give me a chance to win Neil over. 438 00:29:45,819 --> 00:29:48,879 Unfortunately, it didn't work. 439 00:29:48,956 --> 00:29:50,947 The next day, I thought it would be a good idea... 440 00:29:51,025 --> 00:29:54,358 to giveJane some time alone with her family and sent them off shopping. 441 00:29:54,428 --> 00:29:56,521 And as much as I wanted to go along, 442 00:29:56,597 --> 00:30:02,536 I thought the only way to make a good impression was to show them that I was a good actor. 443 00:30:02,603 --> 00:30:08,098 However, no matter how hard I tried, only one thought kept running through my mind: 444 00:30:09,343 --> 00:30:13,336 "Did people throw rotten vegetables at bad actors in the '60s? '" 445 00:30:13,414 --> 00:30:16,508 - Say, what kind ofjoint is this? - It's an art house. 446 00:30:16,583 --> 00:30:19,746 Well, tell Art to get a real theater. 447 00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:22,653 Look, Neil, it doesn't matter what kind of theater it is. 448 00:30:22,723 --> 00:30:25,487 It just matters what's up on the stage. 449 00:30:25,559 --> 00:30:27,720 Well, that's very nice of you to say, Ted. 450 00:30:27,795 --> 00:30:30,286 Oh, Neil, could you get me a program? I didn't get one. 451 00:30:30,364 --> 00:30:32,855 Oh, I'll get it. I'm gonna help him. 452 00:30:32,933 --> 00:30:35,163 Excuse me. 453 00:30:38,105 --> 00:30:41,438 Say, Ted. Whose side are you on? 454 00:30:41,508 --> 00:30:45,501 Take a look. I've seen slums with more class than this place. 455 00:30:45,579 --> 00:30:48,139 I bet this whole thing's a joke. 456 00:30:48,215 --> 00:30:52,276 I have a feeling your mother's in for a big disappointment. 457 00:30:56,523 --> 00:30:59,014 Two minutes, everybody. 458 00:31:03,664 --> 00:31:06,394 Sam, what are you doing with that script? You don't need that. I know. 459 00:31:06,467 --> 00:31:09,561 You've got a photographic memory. I know, I do. But I'm just a little nervous. 460 00:31:09,636 --> 00:31:14,300 Give me a break. I mean, this is... Okay, everybody. Listen up. On stage. 461 00:31:14,375 --> 00:31:19,312 Now, these are desperate times. The competition is fierce. 462 00:31:19,380 --> 00:31:21,644 And we're getting lost in the shuffle. 463 00:31:21,715 --> 00:31:25,811 I'm sorry to tell you this, but tonight will be the last performance. 464 00:31:25,886 --> 00:31:28,446 What? You're kidding. Unless... Unless... 465 00:31:28,522 --> 00:31:31,980 - we are willing to make drastic changes immediately. - Like what? 466 00:31:32,059 --> 00:31:34,050 - Do you trust me? - Absolutely. 467 00:31:34,128 --> 00:31:37,757 All right. We must be courageous. We must be innovative. 468 00:31:37,831 --> 00:31:39,822 We must be... 469 00:31:39,900 --> 00:31:42,926 - nude! - Oh, wow! Dynamite! That's great! 470 00:31:43,003 --> 00:31:47,440 Just wait a second here, uh, l... This must be why Joe never went on. 471 00:31:47,508 --> 00:31:50,409 Joe, you heard him. We'll all be out of a job tomorrow! 472 00:31:50,477 --> 00:31:52,411 - I've got two kids to support. - Count me in. 473 00:31:52,479 --> 00:31:54,674 All right. All right. Bring the house lights down! 474 00:31:54,748 --> 00:31:58,946 Joe, uh, is it my imagination or do I detect a trace of hesitation here? 475 00:31:59,019 --> 00:32:00,953 You're not gonna let us down, are you? 476 00:32:01,021 --> 00:32:03,319 No, I-I just don't think that nudity is the solution. 477 00:32:03,390 --> 00:32:06,382 No, wait a minute. L-I just feel we don't... Why don't you just try it? 478 00:32:06,460 --> 00:32:08,826 Give me that! Give me that! All right. Ready? 479 00:32:08,896 --> 00:32:10,830 - Places. - Woo-hoo! 480 00:32:10,898 --> 00:32:12,832 And, uh, curtain. 481 00:32:15,502 --> 00:32:17,436 Al, I can't... Huh? 482 00:32:17,504 --> 00:32:20,996 I can't do this. What do you mean you can't do this? 483 00:32:21,074 --> 00:32:24,373 You got... This is joe's big break. This is everybody's big break. 484 00:32:24,445 --> 00:32:27,414 This is why you're here. Now, come on, don't blow it. 485 00:32:27,481 --> 00:32:30,279 What aboutJane's family? Hey, your mustache looks stupid and your beard. 486 00:32:30,350 --> 00:32:33,183 Jane's family, it doesn't matter. This is 1969. 487 00:32:33,253 --> 00:32:35,380 Everybody was nude on the stage. 488 00:32:35,456 --> 00:32:38,391 Oh! Calcutta! uh, Hair. All that stuff. 489 00:32:38,459 --> 00:32:40,723 Come on. Don't be a prude. Now, get out there! 490 00:32:57,578 --> 00:33:02,072 But now, my cousin Hamlet, and my son. 491 00:33:02,149 --> 00:33:05,482 That's your cue! Get out there! Hurry up! 492 00:33:06,587 --> 00:33:10,318 Sam, that's your cue. Go! 493 00:33:10,390 --> 00:33:14,656 Well, good night. If you do meet Horatio and Marcellus, Come on. 494 00:33:14,728 --> 00:33:17,595 The rivals of my watch, bid them make haste. 495 00:33:18,599 --> 00:33:20,829 I think I hear them. 496 00:33:22,936 --> 00:33:27,999 A little more than kin and less than kind. 497 00:33:30,978 --> 00:33:36,814 Oh, boy. Not so, my lord. I am too much in the sun. 498 00:33:36,884 --> 00:33:39,444 Oh, I die. 499 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,511 Horatio... 500 00:33:43,857 --> 00:33:47,520 the potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit. 501 00:33:50,063 --> 00:33:53,829 I cannot live to hear the news from England. 502 00:33:55,903 --> 00:34:01,068 But I do prophesy the election lights on Fortinbras. 503 00:34:02,175 --> 00:34:05,372 He has my dying voice. 504 00:34:05,445 --> 00:34:08,903 The soldiers'music and the rites of war... 505 00:34:08,982 --> 00:34:11,143 speak loudly for him. 506 00:34:11,218 --> 00:34:15,882 Take the bodies. Such a sight as this becomes the field, 507 00:34:15,956 --> 00:34:18,754 but here shows much amiss. 508 00:34:18,825 --> 00:34:23,319 Go, bid the soldiers shoot. 509 00:34:28,068 --> 00:34:31,504 Wow. What a way to make a living. 510 00:34:31,572 --> 00:34:34,564 Well, I'm proud ofJoe. What he did took courage. 511 00:34:34,641 --> 00:34:37,007 Or drugs. Lots of them. 512 00:34:37,077 --> 00:34:41,480 I found their performances very... moving. 513 00:34:41,548 --> 00:34:45,644 Well, yeah. They moved, all right, and jiggled and flapped a bit. 514 00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:48,711 Neil! Sorry, Mom, but it's true. 515 00:34:48,789 --> 00:34:51,451 I'm going backstage to congratulateJoe. 516 00:34:57,631 --> 00:35:00,657 I have never been so totally and completely... 517 00:35:00,734 --> 00:35:03,931 humiliated in my life. 518 00:35:04,004 --> 00:35:05,699 What are you complaining about? 519 00:35:05,772 --> 00:35:07,672 You should be proud. What? 520 00:35:07,741 --> 00:35:09,436 That audience was riveted. 521 00:35:09,509 --> 00:35:14,276 Oh, please. It was like they were watching... a car wreck. 522 00:35:14,348 --> 00:35:18,079 Like it was horrible, but you were too fascinated to look away. 523 00:35:19,086 --> 00:35:22,283 Thank you. Thank you for your support. 524 00:35:22,356 --> 00:35:24,722 There were some nice things on that stage. 525 00:35:24,791 --> 00:35:27,021 As a matter of fact, there were two nice things. Al. 526 00:35:27,094 --> 00:35:29,585 Yeah. Hi. 527 00:35:29,663 --> 00:35:32,530 Ophelia. Petra, hi. 528 00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:36,467 Oh, Joe! 529 00:35:37,938 --> 00:35:40,498 - Joe! - Jane! - Mom! 530 00:35:40,574 --> 00:35:43,065 Ted! Uh, Jane. 531 00:35:43,143 --> 00:35:45,304 - Ophelia. - Neil! 532 00:35:45,379 --> 00:35:47,313 Oh, boy. 533 00:35:51,785 --> 00:35:56,415 Well, that was certainly illuminating. Oh, shut up, Ted! 534 00:35:56,489 --> 00:35:58,980 Petra. No, Sam. No. 535 00:35:59,059 --> 00:36:01,550 See you later. See you later. Sam, I don't believe you! 536 00:36:01,628 --> 00:36:04,426 Oh, my God. Al, I think I've lostJane. 537 00:36:04,497 --> 00:36:07,989 You lostJane? You've lost you're mind! Kicking that beautiful Ophelia with nothing on. 538 00:36:08,068 --> 00:36:10,662 So what? What does that have to do with anything? 539 00:36:10,737 --> 00:36:13,934 No! No, I mean it. Now, go away. I'm not foolin' around! 540 00:36:14,007 --> 00:36:18,740 It's, uh, Rob Jackson from Rosenfeld and Adams. 541 00:36:18,812 --> 00:36:20,302 Rosenfeld and Guilden... What is that? 542 00:36:20,380 --> 00:36:22,644 Oh, wait. Whoa! Open the door! That's an agent! 543 00:36:22,715 --> 00:36:25,013 Oh, man. Hurry up! 544 00:36:25,085 --> 00:36:27,144 - Uh, hi. - Hi. 545 00:36:27,220 --> 00:36:30,121 Mr. Jackson, I'm sorry, I, uh, I'm just getting dressed here. 546 00:36:30,190 --> 00:36:33,353 Come on... Come on in here. I'll just be a second. What's goin' on with Jane? 547 00:36:33,426 --> 00:36:37,362 Yeah. I think you, uh, you did a great job tonight, all things considered. 548 00:36:37,430 --> 00:36:41,833 Oh, well. Thank you. Uh, Sam, Ziggy says you've gotta do something drastic. 549 00:36:41,901 --> 00:36:43,994 Or else it's adios, bye-bye! No. 550 00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:48,666 Yes, really. Uh, in fact, I think you'd be perfect for this job we're about to cast. 551 00:36:48,741 --> 00:36:53,610 Really? You-You really think that my acting was that good, huh? 552 00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:55,773 Oh, your acting was, uh, was fine. 553 00:36:55,849 --> 00:36:58,511 But what I'm really interested in is your look. 554 00:36:58,585 --> 00:37:01,486 Uh, you see, we're looking for the new Boxer Boy. 555 00:37:01,554 --> 00:37:05,547 You know, Boxer Boy Underwear? "Lasts a lifetime plus 10 years"? 556 00:37:05,625 --> 00:37:09,220 - Yeah, hey, I've still got a pair of those. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 557 00:37:09,295 --> 00:37:12,890 Well, I think I am looking at the new Boxer Boy. What do you say? 558 00:37:12,966 --> 00:37:17,699 Sam, this is great. Ziggy says that this sets Joe... uh, sets you up for life. 559 00:37:17,770 --> 00:37:19,965 I'm sorry, I don't think I can do it. 560 00:37:20,039 --> 00:37:21,870 What? I'm sorry. Let me ask you though. 561 00:37:21,941 --> 00:37:24,501 Is there like a jingle? Yeah. 562 00:37:24,577 --> 00:37:27,375 You got a singer for that yet? No, not yet. 563 00:37:27,447 --> 00:37:32,475 Okay, well, I can't sign with you unless you sign a terrific singer too. 564 00:37:32,552 --> 00:37:35,521 Sam, Ziggy said "drastic, '" not "overboard. '" 565 00:37:35,588 --> 00:37:37,579 You're shooting down Joe's whole life here. 566 00:37:37,657 --> 00:37:42,856 I get it. You're talkin' about what's-her-name, the one who plays Ophelia, right? 567 00:37:42,929 --> 00:37:46,160 No, no, no. Her name is Jane Lindhurst. 568 00:37:46,232 --> 00:37:48,393 Sam, you're taking chivalry a bit too far. 569 00:37:48,468 --> 00:37:51,437 Well I'd have to hear her sing first. Okay. All right. 570 00:37:51,504 --> 00:37:55,907 - I can arrange for that. - How you gonna do that? She's taking the 12:01 to Cleveland. 571 00:37:55,975 --> 00:38:00,776 Tell you what. You meet me at the Black Light, the Black Light Club, in an hour, okay? 572 00:38:00,847 --> 00:38:03,839 And, uh, I'm gonna go find her and I'll tell her the good news. 573 00:38:03,917 --> 00:38:05,851 Thank you. Thank you very much. 574 00:38:12,358 --> 00:38:15,088 Hi. Oh, hi. 575 00:38:22,869 --> 00:38:25,929 Don't you have any newer pictures of me? I've changed a little. 576 00:38:27,373 --> 00:38:32,401 Sometimes I wish that you could've stayed five and I could've stayed 25. 577 00:38:32,478 --> 00:38:35,140 Oh. Not me. 578 00:38:35,215 --> 00:38:39,379 That was the year that I-I broke Great-grandma's platter. What was it? 579 00:38:39,452 --> 00:38:41,818 Bavarian and priceless. 580 00:38:43,189 --> 00:38:48,718 Bavarian and priceless, that's right. I lied. I said Billy broke it, and you knew better. 581 00:38:48,795 --> 00:38:51,286 Oh, I spent a whole lot of time in the corner over that one. 582 00:38:52,865 --> 00:38:56,062 That was the first fib you ever told me. 583 00:38:56,135 --> 00:38:58,126 You know, you used to say that... 584 00:38:58,204 --> 00:39:03,437 the only thing worse than lying to other people was lying to yourself. 585 00:39:04,544 --> 00:39:08,412 I didn't understand what you meant then, 586 00:39:08,481 --> 00:39:11,644 but... I do now. 587 00:39:12,652 --> 00:39:15,314 You think I'm not being honest with myself. 588 00:39:18,157 --> 00:39:20,182 Maybe you're right. 589 00:39:23,196 --> 00:39:25,187 This isn't you, Mom. 590 00:39:26,499 --> 00:39:29,059 You're not some wild, young singer. 591 00:39:32,272 --> 00:39:35,708 Don't you think it's time that you came home? 592 00:39:45,551 --> 00:39:48,486 Well, here we are on the street again. 593 00:39:48,554 --> 00:39:50,784 How come there are eight billion cabs in New York City, 594 00:39:50,857 --> 00:39:52,791 but you can never find one when you want one? 595 00:39:52,859 --> 00:39:56,317 It's the Bermuda Triangle, New York. Never mind. What? 596 00:39:58,464 --> 00:40:01,456 And how come you didn't tell me earlier that she was gonna take the train? 597 00:40:01,534 --> 00:40:03,764 I told you as soon as I found out. 598 00:40:03,836 --> 00:40:09,502 Now, listen. What do you think is gonna happen ifJane starts to sing for this agent and she can't? 599 00:40:10,677 --> 00:40:12,872 I say she can. Well, you don't know. 600 00:40:12,945 --> 00:40:15,209 She could be blowing two careers instead of one. 601 00:40:15,281 --> 00:40:17,374 How do you think she's gonna feel about that afterwards? 602 00:40:17,450 --> 00:40:19,850 How do you thinkJoe is gonna feel about that? 603 00:40:19,919 --> 00:40:22,513 J-Joe is gonna feel miserable if he doesn't help her. 604 00:40:24,691 --> 00:40:27,751 You know, I hate it when you're right. 605 00:40:27,827 --> 00:40:30,318 What? Uh-oh. Looks like she's starting to leave, Sam. 606 00:40:30,396 --> 00:40:32,421 Go, go, go. 607 00:40:32,498 --> 00:40:35,990 Come on, shake a leg, Janie. Shake a leg, come on. 608 00:40:37,470 --> 00:40:39,438 All right, that's it. 609 00:40:42,942 --> 00:40:45,069 Jane! Wait a second! Wait a second! 610 00:40:45,144 --> 00:40:47,544 Oh, no. You can't run out on me like this. 611 00:40:47,613 --> 00:40:51,276 You gotta give me a chance to explain. What's to explain? You're 25. 612 00:40:51,351 --> 00:40:54,514 She's 25. It's only natural. Yeah, but nothing happened! 613 00:40:54,587 --> 00:40:57,112 I didn't invite Petra to my room. She invited herself. Come on, Mom. 614 00:40:57,190 --> 00:40:59,852 If it isn't Petra, it'll be somebody else. 615 00:40:59,926 --> 00:41:02,588 And then one day you'll stop turning them down. 616 00:41:02,662 --> 00:41:06,621 I can't compete. The only thing that sags on her are her morals. 617 00:41:06,699 --> 00:41:09,566 You're going downhill, Sam. Look. Look. What about your career? 618 00:41:09,635 --> 00:41:13,401 If you're not gonna stay here for us, at least stay for yourself. Give your career a chance. 619 00:41:13,473 --> 00:41:17,409 I did and I failed. Look, you only froze once! 620 00:41:21,247 --> 00:41:24,375 Jane! Jane! Excuse me. 621 00:41:24,450 --> 00:41:27,317 Jane, listen to me. 622 00:41:27,387 --> 00:41:31,323 Lots of people fail their first time out. Don't give up on yourself. 623 00:41:31,391 --> 00:41:35,157 Joe, we have to make a train. Shut up, Ted. I'm not talkin' to you. 624 00:41:35,228 --> 00:41:38,095 Now you take your hands off her... Or what? 625 00:41:38,164 --> 00:41:42,100 - Or this! - Joe! 626 00:41:42,168 --> 00:41:44,398 Ted! Ted, no! Stop! Get up, you draft-dodging... 627 00:41:44,470 --> 00:41:46,404 Stop! Stop, you two! Stop it! 628 00:41:46,472 --> 00:41:49,339 Just leave us alone a minute. Get in the cab. 629 00:41:49,409 --> 00:41:51,843 Joe, are you all right? Joe. 630 00:41:51,911 --> 00:41:55,074 You're lucky he didn't give you a flying noodle kick, you nozzle. 631 00:41:55,148 --> 00:41:57,946 I know you think I'm crazy for going on tonight, but I had to. 632 00:41:58,017 --> 00:42:01,282 A lot of people were depending upon me. There was an agent in the audience. 633 00:42:01,354 --> 00:42:04,016 Some guy from Rosenfeld and Adams. 634 00:42:04,090 --> 00:42:06,820 And he thinks that l... 635 00:42:06,893 --> 00:42:09,987 that I could be the next Boxer Boy. 636 00:42:10,062 --> 00:42:13,122 You mean the shorts that last a lifetime plus 10 years? Yes. Yeah. 637 00:42:13,199 --> 00:42:15,827 That-That's it. I'll be set. 638 00:42:15,902 --> 00:42:20,134 We'd be set. I know it's not Shakespeare, but it's a job. 639 00:42:20,206 --> 00:42:23,266 Yes. I'm-I'm real happy that one of us could make it big. 640 00:42:23,342 --> 00:42:25,333 No, no, no. You don't understand. 641 00:42:25,411 --> 00:42:28,141 I told him I wouldn't sign with him unless he signed you too. 642 00:42:28,214 --> 00:42:30,546 He wants to hear you sing. 643 00:42:30,616 --> 00:42:33,278 Oh, no, Joe. I can't let you do that. It's too late. I already did it. 644 00:42:33,352 --> 00:42:37,015 No, I couldn't possibly jeopardize your... Jane. Jane. 645 00:42:37,089 --> 00:42:41,685 - We deserve a chance. - Action speaks louder than words, Sam. 646 00:42:41,761 --> 00:42:46,460 What kind of a life? I mean, what about kids, or what... 647 00:42:46,532 --> 00:42:49,501 Attaboy. 648 00:42:49,569 --> 00:42:52,299 Nobody knows what the future holds. 649 00:42:52,371 --> 00:42:54,839 I could be dead tomorrow, 650 00:42:56,342 --> 00:42:58,469 or we could live together for the next 50 years. 651 00:43:00,079 --> 00:43:02,946 Take a chance. 652 00:43:10,156 --> 00:43:12,090 Oh, Joe. Now, now, now. 653 00:43:12,158 --> 00:43:15,286 Joe, no. I can't. I really can't. Listen to me. Listen to me. 654 00:43:16,629 --> 00:43:20,190 No matter how you do, I'll still love you. 655 00:43:28,207 --> 00:43:30,334 Okay. Okay. Now, give 'em hell. 656 00:43:30,409 --> 00:43:32,400 All right. 657 00:44:41,247 --> 00:44:43,442 She's good. 658 00:44:49,855 --> 00:44:53,450 Sam, you did it. You did it. 659 00:44:53,526 --> 00:44:56,017 Jane and Joe sign with Rosenfeld and Adams. 660 00:44:56,095 --> 00:44:58,029 And then in a week they get married, 661 00:44:58,097 --> 00:45:02,500 and then Joe goes on to make a fortune selling underwear on TV. 662 00:45:02,568 --> 00:45:08,234 What aboutJane? Well, she doesn't have much of a career. 663 00:45:08,307 --> 00:45:12,471 But, you know, she does a couple of commercials. Sings with a band every once in a while. 664 00:45:12,545 --> 00:45:15,810 And she's happy. That's the thing, she's really happy. 665 00:45:40,573 --> 00:45:42,803 Go! Go! 666 00:45:46,045 --> 00:45:47,979 Oh, boy!