1
00:01:52,447 --> 00:01:55,742
If I had to pick a beginning
to this bizarre story,
2
00:01:55,825 --> 00:01:57,535
I guess it would have to be the dream.
3
00:01:57,619 --> 00:01:59,245
Yeah, definitely the dream.
4
00:01:59,329 --> 00:02:01,039
That's when it all started.
5
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:04,918
That's me, Jeremy Capello,
sitting inside the tuba.
6
00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:08,087
If I appear disoriented, it's because
I don't know how to play a tuba
7
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,381
or any other musical instrument.
8
00:02:10,465 --> 00:02:13,510
I'm not in the band. That's Candy Andrews.
9
00:02:13,593 --> 00:02:17,096
She's a cheerleader.
I think she likes me.
10
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,933
But for some unknown reason,
I can't keep my eyes
11
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,811
off Darla Blake, musical prodigy.
12
00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:24,646
Juilliard candidate perhaps,
13
00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:27,524
but not what you would call
centerfold material.
14
00:02:27,607 --> 00:02:32,153
In fact, Darla Blake
is not someone you would call, period.
15
00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:35,698
Then comes the note.
16
00:02:35,782 --> 00:02:39,118
I can't believe it, but I'm fascinated.
17
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:45,375
"Follow me."
18
00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:50,171
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
19
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,842
So I went for it.
20
00:02:56,761 --> 00:02:59,764
Suddenly, I'm in the girls' locker room,
21
00:02:59,848 --> 00:03:02,892
no man's land, the forbidden zone.
22
00:03:03,017 --> 00:03:04,686
I'd heard the horror stories.
23
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:06,521
Men caught in here were castrated
24
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:09,440
and made to pass out towels for eternity.
25
00:03:09,524 --> 00:03:12,485
A living hell I could do without.
26
00:03:13,987 --> 00:03:16,072
And then I see her.
27
00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:18,032
She's gorgeous.
28
00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:20,618
Is this the same Darla Blake?
29
00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:24,873
Without being too obvious,
I check out her birthday suit.
30
00:03:24,956 --> 00:03:27,083
She asks me to take a shower with her.
31
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:30,420
I tell her I'm clean, but she insists.
32
00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:32,380
"Make love to me," she says.
33
00:03:32,463 --> 00:03:34,757
I tell her, "We're moving too fast."
34
00:03:34,841 --> 00:03:36,843
I offer to take her to lunch instead.
35
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:38,469
I… I…
36
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,890
Suddenly, there's a new babe in my arms.
37
00:03:41,973 --> 00:03:44,726
I'm shocked. I excuse myself and ask,
"Where's Darla?"
38
00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:46,477
She tells me to kiss her.
39
00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:49,397
I say, "Whose dream is this anyway?
I'm looking for Darla."
40
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,773
She tells me to kiss her again.
41
00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,610
I refuse. Then things get ugly.
42
00:04:07,332 --> 00:04:09,250
Throw him down!
43
00:04:27,185 --> 00:04:29,145
All units, 7-A-8-5.
44
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:32,106
Code Six on Kirby and Westheimer.
45
00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:34,943
7-X-23. Roger on your Code Six.
46
00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:37,028
Louis, call your son.
47
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,656
- His eggs are ready.
- Jeremy.
48
00:04:43,201 --> 00:04:45,328
- Morning.
- Morning.
49
00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:49,374
Morning. Morning, Dad.
50
00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:53,211
Mom, I've got a problem.
51
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,004
What's your problem, Jeremy?
52
00:04:55,088 --> 00:04:58,049
Honest to God,
I cannot remember what Dad looks like.
53
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:02,178
Well, he's still a very handsome man.
54
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,390
Dad, you're bald.
55
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,563
Morning, Mrs. Capello, Mr. Capello.
56
00:05:12,647 --> 00:05:14,607
- Morning, Ralph.
- Sorry I can't stay for breakfast, but—
57
00:05:14,691 --> 00:05:16,359
- We're running late, as usual.
- As usual.
58
00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:17,610
Ralph's right. We have to go.
59
00:05:17,694 --> 00:05:20,488
Oh, Ralph, there's a speed trap
over at the Montrose off-ramp.
60
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:21,656
Thanks, Mrs. Capello.
61
00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:25,034
Drive carefully, boys.
62
00:05:25,118 --> 00:05:26,911
We always do.
63
00:05:31,541 --> 00:05:33,918
The same dream, fourth night in a row.
64
00:05:34,002 --> 00:05:35,503
Darla Blake.
65
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,714
How can you totally ignore Candy Andrews,
66
00:05:37,797 --> 00:05:40,717
who, by the way,
is hot after your tailpipe,
67
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,970
then have perverted dreams
about frigid and rigid Blake?
68
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:46,055
- It's not perverted.
- You're right.
69
00:05:46,139 --> 00:05:47,724
It's not perverted, it's bizarre.
70
00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:50,059
Okay, but what does it mean?
71
00:05:50,143 --> 00:05:53,271
If you're crazy enough to waste
a perfectly good wet dream on Darla Blake,
72
00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:54,689
you need professional help.
73
00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:55,857
You don't understand.
74
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:59,527
I see a side to this girl
that nobody knows exists.
75
00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:03,197
I have a theory about this dream of yours.
76
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,199
Okay, when was the last time you got laid?
77
00:06:05,283 --> 00:06:06,868
What does that have to do with anything?
78
00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:08,202
Can't you remember?
79
00:06:08,286 --> 00:06:11,539
Not that it's any of your damn business,
but Peterson's party.
80
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:14,292
- Jenny Cicero in the closet, remember?
- Oh, no! Yeah, I remember.
81
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:17,587
You bought her a dozen roses
and invited her home to meet your parents.
82
00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,422
- What is that?
- She's a nice girl.
83
00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:22,467
No, you're confusing true love
with common household guilt.
84
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:25,053
What you need is
an incredible sexual encounter
85
00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:28,222
with no strings attached,
no emotional involvements,
86
00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:31,100
just pure, unadulterated lust.
87
00:06:31,184 --> 00:06:33,227
- That's not me.
- It could be.
88
00:06:33,311 --> 00:06:35,563
I mean, a carefree,
fun-loving romp in the sack
89
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,065
with but a single purpose…
90
00:06:37,148 --> 00:06:41,402
to use and degrade another human being
to satisfy your own selfish pleasures.
91
00:06:41,486 --> 00:06:43,071
Sorry. Not interested.
92
00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:45,406
Sex without guilt is the greatest.
93
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:46,949
Hi, Pam.
94
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:49,535
But pick a girl
who doesn't go to this school.
95
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,828
QUIT STARING CREEP!
96
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,300
- Hi, Flo.
- Hi, Jeremy.
97
00:07:46,384 --> 00:07:47,969
- He's in the back.
- Thanks.
98
00:07:52,557 --> 00:07:54,600
Hiya, George. How many today?
99
00:07:54,684 --> 00:07:57,478
- Oh, the usual. A dozen or so.
- Mm-hm.
100
00:07:57,562 --> 00:08:00,398
George, what would all
these old ladies do without me?
101
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,233
Probably die of constipation.
102
00:08:03,568 --> 00:08:04,902
Yeah.
103
00:08:06,154 --> 00:08:08,698
You know, just once,
I wish I could make a delivery
104
00:08:08,781 --> 00:08:10,575
to someone who still had all their teeth.
105
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,368
Got a new one for you today.
106
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:14,036
Oh, yeah?
107
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,788
Highline Drive?
108
00:08:15,872 --> 00:08:17,415
You sure about this address, George?
109
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,125
That's the address she gave.
110
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,002
This is the old Gardner mansion.
111
00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:23,796
It's been deserted for years.
It's a dump.
112
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,590
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
113
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,967
No PoliGrip. No Geritol.
114
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:29,385
No Deep Heating Rub?
115
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:32,805
George, we may be on to something here.
116
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,533
This has got to be a joke.
117
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,998
Come in.
118
00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:05,796
Whoa!
119
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,051
Hello!
120
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:15,556
Groceries!
121
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,975
Hello!
122
00:09:26,025 --> 00:09:27,443
Hello?
123
00:09:28,319 --> 00:09:29,195
Hey!
124
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,072
Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Hi.
125
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,951
Where is everybody, huh?
126
00:09:35,952 --> 00:09:37,662
This comes to 13.49.
127
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:40,289
I can take a check, but I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to see some ID.
128
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,004
Are you hurt?
129
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:53,594
I'm afraid Nora's a bit nervous
around strangers.
130
00:09:54,095 --> 00:09:56,347
Is anything the matter?
131
00:09:58,224 --> 00:09:59,350
No…
132
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,852
I just thought you were somebody else.
133
00:10:02,812 --> 00:10:04,021
Have we met before?
134
00:10:04,105 --> 00:10:05,690
I'm not sure.
135
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:08,776
You're bleeding.
I feel responsible.
136
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,861
Let me see.
137
00:10:10,945 --> 00:10:14,198
It's really just-just a scratch.
138
00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:16,367
When I was little and scratched my finger,
139
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,827
my mother would always kiss it.
140
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,127
My mother used Band-Aids.
141
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,629
I've got one in the car.
142
00:10:29,005 --> 00:10:31,007
How's that? Better?
143
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:32,675
Much better.
144
00:10:35,553 --> 00:10:36,887
I have to go.
145
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,223
- Jeremy?
- Yes?
146
00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:41,934
- Do you find me attractive?
- Very.
147
00:10:42,018 --> 00:10:44,228
I have to go. More deliveries, you know?
148
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:45,980
I like you, Jeremy.
149
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,690
Can you come back later?
150
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,443
You want me to come back?
151
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:51,736
How about tonight?
152
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:55,406
I really, really have to go.
153
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,408
Around midnight?
154
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,617
I'm a night owl.
155
00:10:59,327 --> 00:11:00,328
Night owl.
156
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,169
She sucked your what?
157
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:10,504
My finger, you jerk!
158
00:11:12,882 --> 00:11:14,425
My finger!
159
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,385
He lets her get away.
160
00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:19,180
Ralph, there's something
very weird about this woman.
161
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:21,098
She's the woman in my dreams.
162
00:11:21,182 --> 00:11:22,933
Great. Then she's perfect.
163
00:11:23,017 --> 00:11:25,102
No! Ralph, she's not
the woman of my dreams,
164
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:27,480
the woman in my dreams!
165
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,857
- She knew my name.
- So what?
166
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,942
I didn't tell her my name.
167
00:11:32,026 --> 00:11:34,779
Look, this is like an omen from God, okay?
168
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,947
Look at it this way.
You like this woman, right?
169
00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:39,950
There's an attraction.
A sexual attraction.
170
00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:42,620
- Yeah. I guess so.
- Perfect.
171
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,288
Is this someone
you could see being married to?
172
00:11:44,372 --> 00:11:45,873
- No.
- Perfect.
173
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,291
What is the problem?
174
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:49,710
- Let's go for it, man.
- No.
175
00:11:49,794 --> 00:11:51,796
I promise, nothing will go wrong.
176
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,757
- I'll drive.
- It's a school night.
177
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,550
Do it, nerd!
178
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:01,472
I don't even know her name.
179
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,015
Perfect.
180
00:12:09,063 --> 00:12:10,981
Well, she's still up, stud.
181
00:12:11,065 --> 00:12:14,068
You're absolutely certain
this will make me a better person?
182
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:15,778
If nothing else, you'll sleep better.
183
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,655
No more nightmares about Darla Blake.
184
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:18,781
What if I was wrong?
185
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,742
What if I misinterpreted
the entire situation?
186
00:12:21,826 --> 00:12:24,787
Jeremy, a beautiful woman
sucked your finger and begged for more.
187
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,247
This is a date with destiny.
188
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:28,666
Now get in there and enjoy it.
189
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,251
All right. All right.
190
00:12:32,086 --> 00:12:33,754
How do I look?
191
00:12:33,838 --> 00:12:35,423
Like a vacuum cleaner salesman.
192
00:12:37,091 --> 00:12:38,008
No, I'm kidding.
193
00:12:38,092 --> 00:12:39,844
Relax. You look great.
194
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:41,011
All right.
195
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:42,596
Here goes nothing.
196
00:12:43,556 --> 00:12:45,516
Professor, shouldn't we warn him?
197
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,102
No. Maybe he's one of them.
198
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,438
But what if he isn't?
199
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:57,194
Professor, what if he isn't one of them?
200
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,948
Either way, it's too late now.
201
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,366
Hello.
202
00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:06,954
Hello?
203
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:12,209
It's me.
204
00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:14,670
Hello.
205
00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:21,844
Don't even think about it.
206
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,557
Up there?
207
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,517
Yeah?
208
00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,604
Why am I talking to a cat?
209
00:13:42,198 --> 00:13:43,574
Hello.
210
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:51,874
Hello, Jeremy.
211
00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:56,504
I…
212
00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:57,713
The door was open.
213
00:13:58,631 --> 00:13:59,924
I called out, but—
214
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,967
I've been expecting you.
215
00:14:02,051 --> 00:14:04,345
Oh, boy.
216
00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:07,556
Go ahead and look at me, Jeremy.
Don't be afraid.
217
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,646
People said dreams don't come true.
218
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,066
I'm glad you came.
219
00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:19,652
I want you to know
220
00:14:19,735 --> 00:14:22,905
that I'm usually not
this forward with women.
221
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,338
Jeremy. Shit.
222
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:41,882
What do I do?
223
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,438
Jeremy.
224
00:14:57,690 --> 00:14:59,108
Jeremy.
225
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:02,653
Hurry.
226
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:06,949
You are the most intense,
gorgeous woman I ever met.
227
00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:09,910
I don't even know your name.
228
00:15:09,994 --> 00:15:11,787
Call me Nora.
229
00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:13,706
Nora?
230
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:17,126
I thought that was your cat's name.
231
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:18,752
Whatever.
232
00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:33,767
Did you hear something?
233
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,444
You're not expecting anyone, are you?
234
00:15:55,164 --> 00:15:56,540
Stop this obscenity!
235
00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:58,876
Oh, God! Oh!
236
00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:00,628
Get him!
237
00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:01,629
Oh, you…
238
00:16:01,712 --> 00:16:05,674
Hey, you! Hey! Stop! Hey!
239
00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:14,224
Quick! I knew it!
240
00:16:14,308 --> 00:16:15,643
Drive!
241
00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:19,647
- Where are your clothes?
- Screw my clothes!
242
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,357
Let's get the hell out of here!
243
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,910
Milton High School, huh?
244
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,953
Well, we'll see.
245
00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:37,206
Professor!
246
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:39,333
Professor!
247
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,342
I knew it. I knew it.
248
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:51,387
I'm having the most intense
sexual experience of my life,
249
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,180
and some wild man kicks the door down.
250
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,474
- Who was it?
- Her husband, boyfriend—
251
00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:56,767
How the hell am I supposed to know?
252
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,352
- You didn't see anybody?
- No, man.
253
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,979
I saw this white van, but what could I do?
254
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:02,690
Look, come on, this isn't funny.
255
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,358
I could've been killed.
256
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,276
You know, maybe you should
stick to your dreams, man.
257
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,445
You're just not ready for real life yet.
258
00:17:09,697 --> 00:17:12,032
All right, all right.
259
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,164
Look, I'm sorry things
didn't work out, okay?
260
00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:21,583
We don't have to tell anybody about this.
261
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:24,002
- No, of course not.
- Come on, I…
262
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:26,046
This wasn't one of
my prouder moments, okay?
263
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:28,841
- Hey, you're bleeding.
- What? Oh, my…
264
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:30,384
Wow. It looks like bite marks.
265
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,052
Hey, I am impressed.
266
00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:34,179
I told you, she was intense.
267
00:17:35,139 --> 00:17:36,849
- Damn.
- That's right.
268
00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:39,268
- Later, man.
- See you later.
269
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:40,436
Watch your sheet.
270
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:01,165
What now, Professor?
271
00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:08,172
First we finish here,
then we locate the young man.
272
00:18:10,758 --> 00:18:12,551
What a night.
273
00:18:23,771 --> 00:18:24,938
Go!
274
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,467
Hey. Hey. Hey.
275
00:19:19,952 --> 00:19:22,663
Jeremy, you haven't even
touched your breakfast.
276
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:24,498
I'm not hungry.
277
00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:27,292
Louis, Jeremy won't eat his breakfast.
278
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,338
- Eat.
- Do you feel all right?
279
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,715
You look a little pale.
280
00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:35,342
I'm fine.
281
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:37,636
I'm just tired.
282
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,555
What'd you do to your neck?
283
00:19:40,264 --> 00:19:41,890
Cut myself shaving.
284
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,227
Morning, Mrs. Capello, Mr. Capello.
285
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:46,478
Morning, Ralph.
286
00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:48,772
- I think I'll stay home today.
- You better go on without him.
287
00:19:48,856 --> 00:19:50,691
I think he's caught something.
288
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:54,236
I'm okay. Sort of.
289
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:57,239
I'm just not hungry.
290
00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:59,616
Any speed traps today, Mrs. Capello?
291
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,535
Lumkin Street and Fountain.
292
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,246
Thanks. See you later, pal.
293
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:06,790
Now, maybe if you'd eat something—
294
00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,458
Mom, please. I'm not hungry.
295
00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:10,043
All right. Go ahead.
Starve yourself.
296
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,962
See if I care.
297
00:20:19,887 --> 00:20:20,971
Hey.
298
00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:23,682
You don't feel warm.
299
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,350
I don't get it.
300
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:27,060
I have to go.
301
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:30,731
But you're sick.
302
00:20:47,164 --> 00:20:48,498
Damn!
303
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,335
Well done, Grimsdyke.
You managed to hit the wall.
304
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,129
- Sorry, Professor.
- You think we're playing games here?
305
00:20:54,212 --> 00:20:56,757
The fate of the human race
is hanging in the balance.
306
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,300
Sorry, Professor.
307
00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:01,470
If my calculations are correct,
and they always are,
308
00:21:01,553 --> 00:21:05,057
twenty percent of the human race
will be infected by 1990.
309
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:07,809
Within the next decade, we'll have lost
the entire North American continent,
310
00:21:07,893 --> 00:21:12,022
and by the year 2000, vampire Armageddon.
311
00:21:13,357 --> 00:21:14,566
Damn!
312
00:21:14,650 --> 00:21:16,401
Luckily for us, there's still time
313
00:21:16,485 --> 00:21:19,696
while the threat
is still containable, localized.
314
00:21:19,780 --> 00:21:22,574
Someday we'll be revered as heroes,
you and I.
315
00:21:23,784 --> 00:21:28,080
Meantime, the teenager
in the red convertible must die.
316
00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:44,680
What about Casey Baldwin?
Would you do it with him?
317
00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:46,848
No way. I hate jocks.
318
00:21:46,932 --> 00:21:48,850
What about Matt Newberry?
319
00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:50,852
God, I get hot just mentioning his name!
320
00:21:50,936 --> 00:21:52,771
He's too status conscious.
321
00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:55,607
Darla, you wouldn't do it with anybody.
322
00:21:55,691 --> 00:21:57,275
- Well—
- Wait a minute.
323
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,069
What about Tom Cruise?
324
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:00,862
Okay, you can put him down as a maybe.
325
00:22:00,946 --> 00:22:04,783
Uh-huh. Are you just saying that
because he's not here?
326
00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:06,952
Hi, Jeremy. I heard you were sick.
327
00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:08,620
- Yeah.
- Yeah, he had a bad night.
328
00:22:08,704 --> 00:22:09,955
Excuse us, please.
329
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,832
Ralph, we have to talk.
330
00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:14,584
That girl's crazy about you, man.
I can't believe you don't go for her.
331
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:17,087
- Not now, Ralph.
- Well, put in a good word for me.
332
00:22:18,547 --> 00:22:20,924
- Do you know anything about that guy?
- Why?
333
00:22:21,008 --> 00:22:23,010
Well, he keeps staring at me in algebra.
334
00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:25,012
That's Jeremy Capello.
335
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:27,973
- Don't tell me you want him.
- Very funny, Gloria.
336
00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:30,934
- We are in deep shit.
- What are you talking about?
337
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:33,854
Last night, after we left
the Gardner place, somebody torched it.
338
00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:35,981
- What?
- The police think it was arson.
339
00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:37,816
Don't you see? We were there.
340
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,818
Yeah, but we didn't do anything.
341
00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:41,820
I mean, nobody even knows we were there…
342
00:22:41,903 --> 00:22:43,405
except the guy who busted in on you.
343
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:44,489
Right. Exactly.
344
00:22:44,573 --> 00:22:46,575
What if he sets us up?
345
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:48,326
Who's gonna believe
a couple of high school kids?
346
00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:50,495
Okay, look, let's calm down, okay?
Let's not panic.
347
00:22:50,579 --> 00:22:53,790
Ralph, I think someone's following me.
348
00:22:53,874 --> 00:22:55,250
What are you talking about? Who?
349
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:57,169
I don't know. Some guy.
350
00:22:57,252 --> 00:22:59,004
Maybe a cop.
351
00:22:59,087 --> 00:23:00,380
Cops?
352
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,175
Our lives are over.
353
00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:05,343
We're talking prison.
354
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:08,263
We're talking homosexual rape
by convicts named Bruno.
355
00:23:08,346 --> 00:23:11,433
Hey, listen, we didn't do anything.
356
00:23:12,267 --> 00:23:14,394
- We got nothing to worry about, right?
- Right.
357
00:23:14,478 --> 00:23:16,521
- Right.
- Right.
358
00:23:20,901 --> 00:23:21,985
There it is, Professor.
359
00:23:22,069 --> 00:23:23,904
That's the demon's car, remember?
360
00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:26,615
Be patient, my fat friend.
We'll get him.
361
00:23:28,325 --> 00:23:29,576
Park over there.
362
00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:44,508
I can't drink this.
363
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,218
I thought cherry was your favorite.
364
00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:48,970
Not today.
365
00:23:53,391 --> 00:23:54,351
That's him.
366
00:23:57,187 --> 00:23:58,647
Stay with him!
367
00:23:58,730 --> 00:24:00,107
Don't let him get away!
368
00:24:00,816 --> 00:24:02,651
Hey, hey, hey!
369
00:24:05,779 --> 00:24:07,072
Damn!
370
00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:16,206
Tell me that isn't the same
white van from last night.
371
00:24:16,289 --> 00:24:17,666
- What?
- It's probably nothing
372
00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:18,667
to worry about, right?
373
00:24:23,004 --> 00:24:24,714
We're dead.
374
00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:28,969
See? Nothing.
375
00:24:29,052 --> 00:24:32,222
I wasn't really worried.
Just after last night…
376
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:35,058
After last night, you're paranoid as hell.
377
00:24:35,142 --> 00:24:36,768
Damn right.
378
00:24:38,979 --> 00:24:40,856
- Shit!
- What?
379
00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:44,109
That's him. Nora's husband.
380
00:24:44,985 --> 00:24:47,070
Where'd your mom
say that speed trap was today?
381
00:24:48,113 --> 00:24:50,323
Lumkin Street and Fountain. Why?
382
00:24:50,407 --> 00:24:52,284
- Hang on, man. Here we go.
- Whoa.
383
00:25:01,877 --> 00:25:03,170
Yeah!
384
00:25:24,274 --> 00:25:26,526
I am an animal!
385
00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:47,130
I knew it.
386
00:25:56,264 --> 00:25:58,516
- God, I'm sorry!
- You!
387
00:25:58,600 --> 00:25:59,893
Hi…
388
00:26:02,437 --> 00:26:03,855
Are you okay?
389
00:26:03,939 --> 00:26:05,815
Nothing's broken, if that's what you mean.
390
00:26:05,899 --> 00:26:07,359
Look, I'm really sorry, okay?
391
00:26:07,442 --> 00:26:09,778
How come you keep
staring at me in algebra?
392
00:26:09,861 --> 00:26:12,405
- I wasn't staring.
- Yes, you were.
393
00:26:12,489 --> 00:26:13,990
All right. I was staring.
394
00:26:14,074 --> 00:26:16,159
I didn't mean to
make you feel uncomfortable.
395
00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:19,329
Come on.
396
00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:21,122
- Come on.
- What?
397
00:26:21,206 --> 00:26:22,624
Go. Go!
398
00:26:23,541 --> 00:26:25,043
In here.
399
00:26:25,168 --> 00:26:26,795
You're very weird.
Do you know that?
400
00:26:26,878 --> 00:26:28,338
- Shh. Just get down.
- What?
401
00:26:28,421 --> 00:26:29,839
What? What?
402
00:26:29,923 --> 00:26:31,174
- There's someone following me.
- Who?
403
00:26:31,258 --> 00:26:32,634
I don't know. I think he's a cop.
404
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:34,135
Really? What did you do?
405
00:26:34,219 --> 00:26:35,804
Nothing. It's a long story.
406
00:26:35,887 --> 00:26:38,098
Jeremy, are you okay?
407
00:26:38,181 --> 00:26:39,224
Do me a favor…
408
00:26:39,891 --> 00:26:43,186
Look in that mirror up there
and tell me who you see.
409
00:26:43,270 --> 00:26:44,938
- No one.
- Okay, good.
410
00:26:45,021 --> 00:26:48,942
Look out that glass door
and tell me who you see.
411
00:26:51,236 --> 00:26:52,487
Nobody.
412
00:26:52,570 --> 00:26:53,655
Nobody?
413
00:26:55,198 --> 00:26:56,574
No, there was someone out there.
414
00:26:56,658 --> 00:26:58,076
There was this weird guy.
415
00:26:58,159 --> 00:26:59,995
Okay, that's it.
416
00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:02,914
This has really been enlightening,
but I'm needed back on Earth.
417
00:27:02,998 --> 00:27:04,666
Don't let him see you leave the cooler!
418
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:05,917
No problem.
419
00:27:06,001 --> 00:27:08,586
I'm carrying a can
of invisible hair spray.
420
00:27:23,435 --> 00:27:24,936
How you feeling, Jeremy?
421
00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:27,272
I'm okay. I'm just tired.
422
00:27:27,355 --> 00:27:29,774
Well, drink plenty of liquids.
That's the thing.
423
00:27:29,858 --> 00:27:32,527
Yeah. I think it's a protein deficiency.
424
00:27:32,610 --> 00:27:34,362
I'm making a protein shake.
425
00:27:34,446 --> 00:27:36,656
Your mom said a girl
named Candy called today.
426
00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:40,493
That's a great name.
427
00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:43,580
Candy. Sounds yummy.
428
00:27:43,663 --> 00:27:45,457
Yeah. She's a cheerleader.
429
00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:46,875
Blonde hair, all that stuff.
430
00:27:46,958 --> 00:27:48,168
Big deal.
431
00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:50,045
Women can really be a bother, can't they?
432
00:27:50,128 --> 00:27:52,589
Calling you all the time,
wanting to go out.
433
00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:54,966
It's missing something.
434
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,970
Well, it's been nice having this little
man-to-man chat with you, son.
435
00:27:59,054 --> 00:28:00,722
Night, Dad.
436
00:28:58,321 --> 00:29:00,448
Protein drink, huh?
437
00:29:17,340 --> 00:29:19,300
Wake up, Jeremy.
438
00:29:20,385 --> 00:29:21,553
Jeremy.
439
00:29:22,637 --> 00:29:24,264
We have to talk.
440
00:29:24,347 --> 00:29:25,640
Shit!
441
00:29:27,058 --> 00:29:29,144
I'm too young to go to jail.
442
00:29:30,437 --> 00:29:32,856
Permit me to introduce myself.
443
00:29:32,939 --> 00:29:35,108
I am Modoc, at your service.
444
00:29:35,191 --> 00:29:36,985
You mean you're not a cop?
445
00:29:37,068 --> 00:29:40,655
Jeremy, it has come to my attention
that you have recently had
446
00:29:40,738 --> 00:29:44,951
a sordid sexual encounter
with a strange and beautiful woman.
447
00:29:45,034 --> 00:29:47,036
It wasn't sordid.
448
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,955
You were bitten by this woman,
were you not?
449
00:29:49,038 --> 00:29:51,124
That's none of your damn business!
450
00:29:51,207 --> 00:29:53,710
Jeremy, this woman was…
451
00:29:53,877 --> 00:29:56,880
how shall I say… infected.
452
00:29:56,963 --> 00:29:58,423
Oh, God.
453
00:29:59,048 --> 00:30:01,259
She looked so clean.
454
00:30:02,093 --> 00:30:03,928
Oh, it's all right.
455
00:30:04,012 --> 00:30:07,474
I'll cooperate,
but please don't tell my parents.
456
00:30:07,557 --> 00:30:11,811
I think I'm missing something
in the translation here.
457
00:30:14,898 --> 00:30:17,567
You're not from the health department.
458
00:30:17,650 --> 00:30:18,860
No.
459
00:30:27,118 --> 00:30:29,746
All right. What is this all about?
460
00:30:29,829 --> 00:30:32,248
Have you experienced anything strange
461
00:30:32,332 --> 00:30:34,959
or unusual during the past 24 hours?
462
00:30:35,043 --> 00:30:36,628
Just you.
463
00:30:39,297 --> 00:30:40,298
How about them?
464
00:30:40,381 --> 00:30:42,425
A couple of stupid dogs. Big deal.
465
00:30:42,509 --> 00:30:44,344
They know, Jeremy.
466
00:30:44,427 --> 00:30:47,805
When that woman bit you,
she transferred a legacy unto you,
467
00:30:47,889 --> 00:30:51,017
the legacy of a secret society
which has endured for centuries.
468
00:30:51,100 --> 00:30:52,644
You're not like other people anymore.
469
00:30:52,727 --> 00:30:53,895
Come on. Who the hell are you?
470
00:30:53,978 --> 00:30:55,396
A new awareness is arising within you.
471
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:56,689
New desires, even as we speak.
472
00:30:56,773 --> 00:30:58,149
- You can feel it, can't you?
- No!
473
00:30:58,233 --> 00:31:00,026
No longer will you
tread with ordinary men.
474
00:31:00,109 --> 00:31:02,153
Get to the point!
475
00:31:03,238 --> 00:31:04,614
All right. All right.
476
00:31:06,074 --> 00:31:08,660
In a nutshell, you're alive,
but you're not alive.
477
00:31:08,743 --> 00:31:10,370
You're dead, but you're not dead.
478
00:31:10,453 --> 00:31:12,914
Did you ever hear the word undead?
479
00:31:12,997 --> 00:31:15,041
How about this one: vampire?
480
00:31:15,124 --> 00:31:18,503
I hope you've heard that one,
because that's what you are, okay?
481
00:31:18,586 --> 00:31:20,380
- A vampire.
- Mm-hm.
482
00:31:21,881 --> 00:31:24,467
I wanted to break it to you
nice and easy, but no.
483
00:31:24,551 --> 00:31:26,719
Everything with you young people
has to be fast, fast, fast.
484
00:31:26,803 --> 00:31:29,097
- Get out of here.
- I know. It's a shock.
485
00:31:29,180 --> 00:31:31,015
No one wants to believe
it can happen to them.
486
00:31:31,099 --> 00:31:32,642
- I'm not a vampire.
- What's going on?
487
00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:34,060
Honey?
488
00:31:34,561 --> 00:31:35,937
- Get out of here!
- Jeremy?
489
00:31:36,020 --> 00:31:37,188
Hi.
490
00:31:37,313 --> 00:31:38,940
I thought I heard you talking to somebody.
491
00:31:39,023 --> 00:31:41,276
No. It was the radio.
492
00:31:41,568 --> 00:31:43,987
No. It didn't sound like the radio.
493
00:31:44,070 --> 00:31:46,864
It sounded like a man's voice.
494
00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:51,035
Well, good night.
495
00:32:21,608 --> 00:32:23,568
You leave me alone. Get out of here!
496
00:32:23,651 --> 00:32:24,652
I am not a vampire!
497
00:32:24,736 --> 00:32:27,030
And what makes you so sure?
498
00:32:27,113 --> 00:32:29,699
Vampires drink virgin blood, right?
499
00:32:29,782 --> 00:32:32,702
I'm not a virgin.
Ask Jenny Cicero.
500
00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:33,870
Louis?
501
00:32:33,953 --> 00:32:35,079
Come here.
502
00:32:35,163 --> 00:32:37,624
Haven't you noticed
your complexion turning pale?
503
00:32:37,707 --> 00:32:39,000
What about it?
504
00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:42,170
How about that uncomfortable glare
you're beginning to feel from the sun?
505
00:32:42,253 --> 00:32:43,713
I can explain that.
506
00:32:43,796 --> 00:32:46,341
- Your loss of appetite?
- Protein deficiency!
507
00:32:46,424 --> 00:32:48,051
How about your craving for raw meat?
508
00:32:48,134 --> 00:32:50,595
- More precisely, fresh blood?
- That's not true.
509
00:32:50,678 --> 00:32:53,264
Do you recognize this man?
510
00:32:54,057 --> 00:32:56,726
You are in grave danger, Jeremy.
511
00:32:56,809 --> 00:32:58,561
Wait, wait, wait. This…
512
00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:00,396
This guy's been following me.
513
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,190
We need to talk.
514
00:33:02,273 --> 00:33:03,566
What?
515
00:33:03,691 --> 00:33:05,151
Who's that man?
516
00:33:06,611 --> 00:33:08,071
Get in the car.
517
00:33:08,154 --> 00:33:10,740
I don't know.
He's not from the neighborhood.
518
00:33:14,619 --> 00:33:17,288
This man is Professor Leopold McCarthy,
519
00:33:17,372 --> 00:33:21,292
a noted historian by profession,
a ruthless murderer by choice.
520
00:33:21,376 --> 00:33:23,044
Together with his feeble-minded assistant,
521
00:33:23,127 --> 00:33:25,546
he's waged a war
against our kind for 20 years,
522
00:33:25,630 --> 00:33:29,342
and he will not rest until he has wiped
the last of us from the face of the earth.
523
00:33:29,425 --> 00:33:30,426
Us?
524
00:33:30,510 --> 00:33:34,180
- Vampires?
- Stop the car, freako.
525
00:33:34,263 --> 00:33:36,683
I'm here to help make the transition
526
00:33:36,766 --> 00:33:40,228
from your old life to your new life
as easy as possible.
527
00:33:40,311 --> 00:33:42,230
For the next few days,
I shall be your tutor
528
00:33:42,313 --> 00:33:44,649
and hopefully your friend.
529
00:33:44,732 --> 00:33:48,945
If you are a vampire,
how can you be out in the daylight?
530
00:33:49,028 --> 00:33:50,905
Undead vampires must remain in the dark.
531
00:33:50,988 --> 00:33:52,907
But you and I are living vampires.
532
00:33:52,990 --> 00:33:55,410
You will find that
and other useful information
533
00:33:55,493 --> 00:33:57,453
covered in this.
534
00:33:58,121 --> 00:34:02,875
Vampirism. A Practical Guide
to an Alternative Lifestyle?
535
00:34:02,959 --> 00:34:05,878
That is your Bible.
Read it, learn it, live it.
536
00:34:05,962 --> 00:34:09,006
- That's it.
- At least take this.
537
00:34:09,132 --> 00:34:10,425
What? What is this?
538
00:34:10,508 --> 00:34:13,302
That's the name of a reliable
all-night butcher.
539
00:34:13,386 --> 00:34:16,431
There's no getting around it, kid.
Vampires drink blood.
540
00:34:16,514 --> 00:34:19,142
We suggest pigs' blood, B-negative.
541
00:34:19,225 --> 00:34:23,479
I think you'll find it surprisingly
full-bodied with a smooth flavor.
542
00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:25,898
Just pull over and let me out, all right?
543
00:34:25,982 --> 00:34:27,775
All right, all right.
544
00:34:27,859 --> 00:34:29,277
Believe me, I know how you feel.
545
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,363
But read your handbook,
get some sunglasses,
546
00:34:32,447 --> 00:34:34,574
and don't fret over
drinking a little blood.
547
00:34:34,657 --> 00:34:36,409
Think of it as taking your vitamins.
548
00:34:37,618 --> 00:34:39,287
I am not a vampire!
549
00:34:39,370 --> 00:34:42,206
Well, I'll pop up from time to time
just to see how you're getting on.
550
00:34:42,290 --> 00:34:44,542
Don't bother,
'cause I never want to see you again.
551
00:34:44,625 --> 00:34:46,502
And I'm not reading this book!
552
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,256
And I'm not a vampire!
553
00:35:01,184 --> 00:35:02,852
I'm intrigued by her.
554
00:35:02,935 --> 00:35:04,854
There's definitely more to this girl
than meets the eye.
555
00:35:04,937 --> 00:35:07,815
Yeah, I hope so, for your sake.
556
00:35:08,357 --> 00:35:09,692
All right, Ralph.
557
00:35:09,776 --> 00:35:12,361
As much as I hate it,
it's your turn to drive.
558
00:35:13,237 --> 00:35:15,948
You're next, Capello.
In the back.
559
00:35:16,032 --> 00:35:18,951
This time, try and stay with him.
560
00:35:19,577 --> 00:35:21,579
I will, Professor.
561
00:35:21,662 --> 00:35:23,539
I warn you, any nonsense,
562
00:35:23,623 --> 00:35:26,375
and I'll make sure
your insurance skyrockets.
563
00:35:28,044 --> 00:35:30,588
Constant, gentle pressure
on the accelerator.
564
00:35:30,671 --> 00:35:32,757
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Turn left here.
565
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,843
You failed to check your mirrors.
566
00:35:37,428 --> 00:35:38,471
Shit!
567
00:35:38,554 --> 00:35:40,264
- I beg your pardon.
- Shit!
568
00:35:40,348 --> 00:35:43,017
What the hell are you doing?
569
00:35:46,354 --> 00:35:48,064
Ralph, look out!
570
00:35:55,530 --> 00:35:57,406
Where are you going?
571
00:35:57,490 --> 00:36:00,952
Oh, my God, watch it!
Watch these people!
572
00:36:04,789 --> 00:36:06,624
Endangering pedestrians.
573
00:36:10,795 --> 00:36:11,712
Look out!
574
00:36:12,713 --> 00:36:14,382
Easy, easy!
575
00:36:16,133 --> 00:36:19,512
Watch that guy!
Hey, look out!
576
00:36:19,595 --> 00:36:22,014
You will never drive in this town again.
577
00:36:32,316 --> 00:36:34,151
Grimsdyke.
578
00:36:34,235 --> 00:36:35,278
That's it!
579
00:36:35,361 --> 00:36:37,280
Fine. Let's bounce this bozo.
580
00:36:37,363 --> 00:36:39,574
Get back here, young man!
581
00:36:40,449 --> 00:36:42,577
Hey! You got a problem, pal?
582
00:36:42,660 --> 00:36:44,537
- He's attacking!
- Huh?
583
00:36:47,331 --> 00:36:48,833
Oh, shit!
584
00:36:56,549 --> 00:36:57,758
Damn!
585
00:37:00,761 --> 00:37:02,597
- Ralph.
- I saw that!
586
00:37:03,306 --> 00:37:05,808
Your driving frightened that man
into an accident!
587
00:37:05,892 --> 00:37:07,894
More points!
588
00:37:07,977 --> 00:37:10,104
Hey! Come back here!
589
00:37:31,334 --> 00:37:32,793
Hi.
590
00:37:32,877 --> 00:37:35,171
You're staring at me again.
591
00:37:35,254 --> 00:37:38,591
Look, I'm really sorry about yesterday.
592
00:37:39,091 --> 00:37:40,843
I really made a jerk of myself.
593
00:37:40,927 --> 00:37:43,554
You know, you make me very nervous.
594
00:37:43,638 --> 00:37:45,932
I had a dream about you the other night.
595
00:37:46,015 --> 00:37:48,309
Are you gonna gross me out?
596
00:37:48,392 --> 00:37:50,353
No, it wasn't like that.
597
00:37:52,730 --> 00:37:54,857
Would you go out with me sometime?
598
00:37:57,526 --> 00:37:59,695
I don't know. Maybe.
599
00:38:00,029 --> 00:38:02,281
You let me slip through your fingers,
and you'll always regret it.
600
00:38:05,326 --> 00:38:08,079
Well, okay.
601
00:38:08,162 --> 00:38:10,289
- Really?
- Yeah.
602
00:38:10,373 --> 00:38:13,834
Great! I'll pick you up at 7:00.
603
00:38:13,918 --> 00:38:16,587
- Wait. Tonight?
- Why not?
604
00:38:18,631 --> 00:38:20,299
What did he want?
605
00:38:20,383 --> 00:38:23,177
Guess what.
I've got a date for tonight!
606
00:38:23,260 --> 00:38:24,929
Not with that geek.
607
00:38:25,012 --> 00:38:26,639
Darla, he's all wrong.
608
00:38:26,722 --> 00:38:28,683
Oh, shut up, Gloria.
609
00:38:29,392 --> 00:38:31,602
He dreamed about me.
610
00:38:55,751 --> 00:38:57,628
The mirror's not working.
611
00:39:00,381 --> 00:39:02,133
Great. Great.
612
00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:19,984
Doesn't anything in this house work?
613
00:39:31,037 --> 00:39:33,706
- You must be Jeremy.
- We're so happy to see you.
614
00:39:33,789 --> 00:39:36,167
Don't block the doorway, Helen.
Let the boy come in.
615
00:39:36,250 --> 00:39:39,170
I'm Darla's father, Buddy Blake.
616
00:39:39,462 --> 00:39:40,880
You can call me Buddy.
617
00:39:40,963 --> 00:39:42,715
Oh. Okay, Buddy.
618
00:39:42,798 --> 00:39:44,925
- This is my wife Helen.
- Hi.
619
00:39:45,009 --> 00:39:46,635
You're a sharp-looking boy.
620
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:48,679
Isn't he a sharp-looking boy, Buddy?
621
00:39:48,763 --> 00:39:50,681
He certainly is.
622
00:39:50,765 --> 00:39:53,726
Well, let's see if Darla's ready.
623
00:39:55,227 --> 00:39:57,104
Princess!
624
00:39:57,188 --> 00:39:58,898
Your escort is here!
625
00:39:58,981 --> 00:40:00,149
Coming!
626
00:40:00,983 --> 00:40:03,569
Would you like a drink, Jeremy?
627
00:40:03,652 --> 00:40:06,155
No. I'm driving.
628
00:40:07,364 --> 00:40:09,658
Of course. Good answer.
629
00:40:09,742 --> 00:40:12,161
There she is.
630
00:40:12,244 --> 00:40:14,330
Isn't she lovely?
631
00:40:14,413 --> 00:40:16,749
Come on, Mom. Cut it out.
632
00:40:21,587 --> 00:40:24,090
They make a really cute couple,
don't they, Helen?
633
00:40:24,173 --> 00:40:25,424
Just like us.
634
00:40:25,508 --> 00:40:26,634
- Hi.
- Hi.
635
00:40:26,717 --> 00:40:28,260
Okay, kids. Up against the wall.
636
00:40:28,344 --> 00:40:29,845
Mom!
637
00:40:29,929 --> 00:40:33,808
Oh, come on now.
Don't spoil your father's fun.
638
00:40:33,891 --> 00:40:36,268
Ready now? Okay.
639
00:40:36,727 --> 00:40:38,437
Oh, wait. Wait.
640
00:40:38,521 --> 00:40:40,356
Helen, they're perfect.
641
00:40:40,439 --> 00:40:43,109
This is totally humiliating!
642
00:40:43,859 --> 00:40:46,195
Okay, big smiles now.
643
00:40:47,905 --> 00:40:49,281
- One more.
- One more for Grandma.
644
00:40:49,365 --> 00:40:51,450
Say cheese.
645
00:40:51,534 --> 00:40:53,119
Look, we're late.
We've gotta go. Bye.
646
00:40:53,202 --> 00:40:54,245
Have a good time, Princess.
647
00:41:02,503 --> 00:41:05,798
- I'm really sorry about that.
- Look, I understand.
648
00:41:05,881 --> 00:41:08,384
Don't worry about it.
I have parents, too.
649
00:41:09,677 --> 00:41:12,096
- Damn!
- What's wrong?
650
00:41:12,179 --> 00:41:14,431
Didn't they turn out?
651
00:41:16,892 --> 00:41:18,227
Piece of junk.
652
00:41:21,730 --> 00:41:26,819
Okay, you ordered one garbage can pizza,
double on everything but anchovies.
653
00:41:27,987 --> 00:41:29,572
Thank you.
654
00:41:29,947 --> 00:41:31,991
But Ralph isn't really a jerk.
655
00:41:32,074 --> 00:41:35,035
He's… he's a good guy at heart.
656
00:41:35,369 --> 00:41:39,665
But he… he thinks that
I should only date gorgeous girls
657
00:41:39,748 --> 00:41:41,750
who have big…
658
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,838
Big boobs and long, blonde hair
659
00:41:46,005 --> 00:41:49,049
- and beautifully sun-tanned skin and…
- Ditzy.
660
00:41:49,133 --> 00:41:52,011
When it comes to girls,
Ralph's only interested in one thing.
661
00:41:52,094 --> 00:41:53,470
You know.
662
00:41:53,554 --> 00:41:54,638
Yeah, I know.
663
00:41:54,722 --> 00:41:58,434
Ralph is… can be a jerk sometimes,
664
00:41:59,059 --> 00:42:01,228
but he's my best friend.
665
00:42:01,312 --> 00:42:04,064
And what can I say?
666
00:42:04,732 --> 00:42:06,984
That's okay. I understand.
667
00:42:07,067 --> 00:42:09,653
Gloria doesn't exactly think
you're hot stuff, either.
668
00:42:09,737 --> 00:42:11,447
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
669
00:42:12,823 --> 00:42:16,619
Well, I'm glad they don't
pick our dates, I guess.
670
00:42:18,245 --> 00:42:19,914
Jeremy, are you okay?
671
00:42:22,124 --> 00:42:23,417
Yeah.
672
00:42:23,626 --> 00:42:27,087
I'm suddenly not hungry.
673
00:42:27,171 --> 00:42:28,756
You know, I heard you've been sick lately.
674
00:42:28,839 --> 00:42:31,759
- It's nothing, really.
- Well, maybe you have an allergy.
675
00:42:31,842 --> 00:42:34,970
Excuse me, but what's on this pizza?
676
00:42:35,095 --> 00:42:36,430
You ordered everything.
677
00:42:36,513 --> 00:42:37,890
That's pepperoni, sausage,
678
00:42:37,973 --> 00:42:41,268
tomatoes, mushrooms, onions,
olives, peppers and garlic.
679
00:42:43,896 --> 00:42:45,022
Garlic.
680
00:42:51,862 --> 00:42:54,406
That's his car.
We've found him.
681
00:43:19,598 --> 00:43:20,641
Shit.
682
00:43:31,902 --> 00:43:33,487
It's a beautiful night.
683
00:43:34,071 --> 00:43:36,657
Yeah. I like the dark.
684
00:43:36,740 --> 00:43:38,409
I think I'm a night person.
685
00:43:39,952 --> 00:43:42,788
Jeremy, why did you ask me out?
686
00:43:44,915 --> 00:43:46,333
I don't know.
687
00:43:46,417 --> 00:43:49,044
You see someone you like,
you wanna know them better,
688
00:43:49,128 --> 00:43:50,212
you ask them out.
689
00:43:51,338 --> 00:43:54,258
And because I wanna prove to you
I'm not the big jerk that you think I am.
690
00:43:54,341 --> 00:43:56,552
Oh, I don't think you're a big jerk.
691
00:43:56,635 --> 00:43:58,595
Gloria does, but I don't.
692
00:43:58,679 --> 00:44:00,055
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
693
00:44:00,139 --> 00:44:02,933
Well, Ralph thinks
you're a musical freak or something.
694
00:44:03,017 --> 00:44:07,438
Well, Gloria says you're…
you're a repulsive, sickly slimeball.
695
00:44:07,521 --> 00:44:09,106
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
696
00:44:09,189 --> 00:44:12,609
Ralph says…
Wait, that's his problem.
697
00:44:12,693 --> 00:44:14,778
I like you just the way you are.
698
00:44:15,821 --> 00:44:16,947
You're special.
699
00:44:17,031 --> 00:44:18,407
I am?
700
00:44:18,490 --> 00:44:19,700
Yeah.
701
00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:31,170
- Grimsdyke?
- Yes, sir?
702
00:44:31,253 --> 00:44:33,255
I think I'll go and lie down for a bit.
703
00:44:33,339 --> 00:44:35,632
Yes, Professor.
I'll take the first watch.
704
00:44:35,716 --> 00:44:39,928
Right. Call me
if you witness anything unusual.
705
00:44:40,971 --> 00:44:42,056
I will, Professor.
706
00:44:52,107 --> 00:44:53,734
Grimsdyke!
707
00:44:58,364 --> 00:45:00,783
Out. Now.
708
00:45:02,493 --> 00:45:03,869
Yes, Professor.
709
00:45:17,966 --> 00:45:19,093
Jeremy.
710
00:45:39,238 --> 00:45:41,365
Jeremy, what's wrong?
You're wheezing.
711
00:45:48,205 --> 00:45:49,289
Oh, no.
712
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,793
Jeremy, what's wrong?
You're not sick, are you?
713
00:45:55,254 --> 00:45:58,632
- I have to go!
- Jeremy, what's wrong?
714
00:45:58,715 --> 00:46:00,801
Where are you going? Stop!
715
00:46:00,884 --> 00:46:03,095
Wait! You can't do this!
716
00:46:03,178 --> 00:46:05,722
Stop! Please don't go!
717
00:46:05,806 --> 00:46:08,267
You can't leave me here.
718
00:46:08,434 --> 00:46:10,018
Come back!
719
00:46:10,436 --> 00:46:11,728
Wait!
720
00:46:12,896 --> 00:46:14,773
- Where are you going?
- Darla!
721
00:46:16,567 --> 00:46:18,360
What happened?
722
00:46:22,656 --> 00:46:24,074
Damn it!
723
00:46:24,158 --> 00:46:26,076
Jeremy Capello, you blew it!
724
00:46:35,377 --> 00:46:37,212
Find what you're looking for?
725
00:46:37,296 --> 00:46:40,048
Nah, the evil slime
hasn't shown himself…
726
00:46:43,385 --> 00:46:44,970
Oh, yes, he has.
727
00:46:45,971 --> 00:46:46,972
No!
728
00:46:47,055 --> 00:46:49,641
Who are you? What do you want?
729
00:46:49,725 --> 00:46:51,852
Why are you watching my house?
730
00:46:54,730 --> 00:46:56,440
Stay back!
731
00:46:57,149 --> 00:47:00,402
You don't want me!
I'm old!
732
00:47:00,486 --> 00:47:02,946
My blood's polluted with cholesterol!
733
00:47:03,030 --> 00:47:05,199
- What?
- Professor!
734
00:47:31,266 --> 00:47:33,060
Get a grip on yourself.
735
00:47:34,061 --> 00:47:36,146
Slow down, you maniac!
736
00:47:36,230 --> 00:47:38,565
You mad little bastard! What happened?
737
00:47:38,649 --> 00:47:40,609
It was horrible, Professor.
738
00:47:40,692 --> 00:47:43,320
The monster snuck up behind me!
739
00:47:45,864 --> 00:47:48,408
His eyes burned like coal.
740
00:47:49,451 --> 00:47:52,621
Fangs three inches long
glistened in the moonlight.
741
00:47:52,704 --> 00:47:54,289
That scum!
742
00:47:54,373 --> 00:47:56,792
He had me totally under his spell!
743
00:47:56,875 --> 00:47:58,418
Thank God for this.
744
00:48:05,384 --> 00:48:07,427
Can I get you anything?
745
00:48:07,511 --> 00:48:09,054
Yes.
746
00:48:09,137 --> 00:48:10,931
I'd like a…
747
00:48:12,015 --> 00:48:14,893
a… two of those.
748
00:48:18,772 --> 00:48:20,274
Three T-bones.
749
00:48:21,858 --> 00:48:24,361
And six chickens, please.
750
00:48:25,988 --> 00:48:26,947
What else?
751
00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:29,575
I'd like a… a quart of pigs' blood.
752
00:48:29,658 --> 00:48:31,660
What was that last one?
753
00:48:31,743 --> 00:48:33,662
A quart of pigs' blood.
754
00:48:33,745 --> 00:48:35,998
A quart of pigs' blood.
755
00:48:36,081 --> 00:48:39,042
- A pint.
- Pint of pigs' blood.
756
00:48:44,256 --> 00:48:46,508
How much for just the blood?
757
00:48:46,592 --> 00:48:48,135
Two-fifty-nine.
758
00:48:49,928 --> 00:48:51,430
Thank you.
759
00:48:52,306 --> 00:48:54,099
First time, huh, kid?
760
00:48:59,479 --> 00:49:01,064
I think I'm gonna puke.
761
00:49:05,694 --> 00:49:07,029
It's not bad.
762
00:49:08,697 --> 00:49:10,157
Not bad.
763
00:49:22,961 --> 00:49:24,504
I can't believe it.
764
00:49:25,297 --> 00:49:27,257
I'm a vampire.
765
00:50:20,060 --> 00:50:21,770
This blood's for you.
766
00:50:23,021 --> 00:50:24,022
I'm proud of you, Jeremy.
767
00:50:24,106 --> 00:50:26,817
You got my vote
for Vampire Rookie of the Year.
768
00:50:26,900 --> 00:50:28,860
Why is this happening to me?
769
00:50:28,944 --> 00:50:31,321
I've been good. No drugs, no alcohol.
770
00:50:31,405 --> 00:50:34,950
I… I do my homework. Why me?
771
00:50:35,033 --> 00:50:39,371
Look, try not to
think of this as a handicap.
772
00:50:39,454 --> 00:50:42,207
I mean, there are a lot worse things
than being a vampire.
773
00:50:42,290 --> 00:50:46,837
Are you aware that one of past presidents
of these United States was a vampire?
774
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,338
Which one?
775
00:50:48,422 --> 00:50:49,881
That's not the point.
776
00:50:49,965 --> 00:50:52,509
I'm trying to illustrate
that life can still be full,
777
00:50:52,592 --> 00:50:54,428
it can still be rewarding,
778
00:50:54,511 --> 00:50:57,472
that there are certain advantages
to being a vampire.
779
00:50:57,556 --> 00:50:59,850
Yeah? Name one.
780
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:02,185
All right.
781
00:51:02,352 --> 00:51:04,688
How old do you think I am?
782
00:51:04,771 --> 00:51:06,857
I don't know.
Forty? Fifty? So what?
783
00:51:09,401 --> 00:51:14,614
This coming October,
I shall celebrate my 265th birthday.
784
00:51:15,824 --> 00:51:19,244
For every decade,
you shall age but a single year.
785
00:51:19,327 --> 00:51:21,371
That's not a bad deal.
786
00:51:21,455 --> 00:51:22,539
What?
787
00:51:23,665 --> 00:51:26,334
Wait. You're telling me
that I'm gonna be a teenager
788
00:51:26,418 --> 00:51:28,170
for another 20 years?
789
00:51:28,253 --> 00:51:30,505
Are you gonna sit around
and sulk for the next century?
790
00:51:30,589 --> 00:51:31,673
No.
791
00:51:32,507 --> 00:51:35,218
But I deserve a few minutes.
792
00:51:36,094 --> 00:51:37,929
I happen to like garlic.
793
00:51:38,013 --> 00:51:39,848
Well, it's a minor loss.
794
00:51:39,931 --> 00:51:41,975
Garlic just doesn't go with blood.
795
00:51:42,058 --> 00:51:44,186
But there are compensations.
796
00:51:44,269 --> 00:51:46,480
With a long life,
you're gonna have a chance
797
00:51:46,563 --> 00:51:48,774
to meet some of
the most fascinating people on earth.
798
00:51:48,857 --> 00:51:51,026
Over the years, I've known people
799
00:51:51,109 --> 00:51:55,906
like Pablo Picasso, Sigmund Freud,
Isabel Watson, Madame Curie.
800
00:51:55,989 --> 00:51:57,574
Who's Isabel Watson?
801
00:51:57,657 --> 00:51:59,075
Trust me, she was fascinating.
802
00:51:59,159 --> 00:52:00,869
What's more, with time on your side,
803
00:52:00,952 --> 00:52:03,830
you're gonna have the opportunity
to pursue your interests to their fullest.
804
00:52:03,914 --> 00:52:05,665
You sound like my guidance counselor.
805
00:52:05,749 --> 00:52:07,793
Look, all I'm trying to say is that
806
00:52:07,876 --> 00:52:11,004
whether you're a vampire
or a regular person,
807
00:52:11,087 --> 00:52:14,257
you must set goals, make plans,
live a full life.
808
00:52:14,341 --> 00:52:15,550
You can live several of them.
809
00:52:15,634 --> 00:52:18,470
Well, that's just great,
but you're forgetting one thing.
810
00:52:18,553 --> 00:52:22,015
I made a fool of myself with Darla
because I'm a vampire.
811
00:52:22,098 --> 00:52:25,143
Come on. Men have been making fools
of themselves for centuries
812
00:52:25,227 --> 00:52:27,312
where women are concerned.
813
00:52:27,395 --> 00:52:30,690
Luckily for us, they rather like it.
814
00:52:30,774 --> 00:52:33,443
She'll come around as soon
as she thinks you've suffered enough.
815
00:52:33,527 --> 00:52:37,280
No, no.
You don't know Darla Blake.
816
00:52:37,405 --> 00:52:40,450
Then again, there are the powers.
817
00:52:41,535 --> 00:52:43,078
Powers?
818
00:52:44,371 --> 00:52:45,664
I wish you'd read that book.
819
00:52:45,747 --> 00:52:47,916
I mean, you might find some
pleasant surprises in there,
820
00:52:47,999 --> 00:52:52,587
like how to emit
a certain irresistible charm.
821
00:52:52,671 --> 00:52:55,298
- What page?
- Try the index under Trances.
822
00:52:55,382 --> 00:52:56,633
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
823
00:52:57,509 --> 00:53:00,428
Hey, hey. Can I turn into a bat?
824
00:53:00,512 --> 00:53:02,347
Don't be silly.
825
00:53:15,193 --> 00:53:16,570
Darla, hi.
826
00:53:16,653 --> 00:53:18,738
Listen, I wanna explain about last night.
827
00:53:18,822 --> 00:53:21,616
Look, you don't have to.
You came through loud and clear.
828
00:53:21,700 --> 00:53:23,034
No, you don't understand.
829
00:53:23,118 --> 00:53:25,495
I've had something happen to me recently.
I've been going through some changes.
830
00:53:25,579 --> 00:53:28,498
Yeah, it's called puberty, jerk,
and she's not interested.
831
00:53:28,582 --> 00:53:30,375
Gloria, give it a rest, okay?
832
00:53:30,458 --> 00:53:33,336
Darla, don't give in.
He made a fool out of you.
833
00:53:33,420 --> 00:53:36,172
Gloria's right, you know?
And you're doing it again.
834
00:53:36,256 --> 00:53:37,549
Look, I'm sorry.
835
00:53:37,757 --> 00:53:40,260
First date's always the worst, right?
836
00:53:40,343 --> 00:53:42,178
- Just give me one more chance.
- Why should I?
837
00:53:42,262 --> 00:53:45,682
Because I like you
and because I don't want our relationship
838
00:53:45,765 --> 00:53:47,017
to end before it begins.
839
00:53:47,100 --> 00:53:49,936
I have to get back to practice.
840
00:53:51,271 --> 00:53:52,147
Darla…
841
00:53:56,526 --> 00:53:57,777
come back.
842
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,532
Raise your right hand.
843
00:54:08,788 --> 00:54:10,999
When I snap my fingers,
844
00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:14,711
you will awaken,
you will accept my apology,
845
00:54:15,337 --> 00:54:17,672
and you will go out with me
on Saturday night.
846
00:54:17,756 --> 00:54:19,841
Do you understand?
847
00:54:24,471 --> 00:54:26,681
You've gotta be kidding.
848
00:54:44,491 --> 00:54:46,284
Our next selection is from Barry Manilow,
849
00:54:46,368 --> 00:54:48,870
- the man who writes the songs…
- Barry Manilow!
850
00:54:48,954 --> 00:54:50,372
Save it.
851
00:54:55,627 --> 00:54:57,045
Oh, no!
852
00:55:13,603 --> 00:55:15,981
- Hi, Mrs. Capello.
- Oh, hi, Ralph.
853
00:55:16,439 --> 00:55:18,024
Oh, Ralph.
854
00:55:18,525 --> 00:55:21,277
You know,
Jeremy's been acting pretty weird lately.
855
00:55:21,361 --> 00:55:23,780
Do you have any idea
what's wrong with him?
856
00:55:23,863 --> 00:55:25,991
Not really. He's a pretty complicated guy.
857
00:55:26,074 --> 00:55:27,450
What do you mean?
858
00:55:29,119 --> 00:55:30,787
He's having some girl problems.
859
00:55:30,870 --> 00:55:31,997
That's probably all it is.
860
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:35,667
Well, Ralph, see if you can find out
what's bothering him, okay?
861
00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:37,544
I will, Mrs. Capello.
862
00:55:38,336 --> 00:55:39,671
My son…
863
00:55:39,754 --> 00:55:41,673
has a problem with girls?
864
00:55:42,716 --> 00:55:44,801
The goddamn white van
is still following me.
865
00:55:44,884 --> 00:55:47,387
What? Why is it following you?
866
00:55:50,098 --> 00:55:51,558
- Is it gone?
- Yeah.
867
00:55:54,144 --> 00:55:55,937
Man, I don't get this.
868
00:55:56,021 --> 00:55:57,605
Ralph, I've got something to tell you.
869
00:55:59,441 --> 00:56:00,567
I'm…
870
00:56:00,650 --> 00:56:02,485
I'm a vampire.
871
00:56:06,031 --> 00:56:07,532
That's cool, man.
872
00:56:07,615 --> 00:56:09,951
That's all you're gonna say to me.
That's cool?
873
00:56:10,035 --> 00:56:12,245
Jeremy, you're my best friend.
What do you want me to say?
874
00:56:12,328 --> 00:56:13,705
- I think you're crazy?
- No, no.
875
00:56:13,788 --> 00:56:16,332
Remember I was telling you
about that cop that was trailing me?
876
00:56:16,416 --> 00:56:17,375
Yeah?
877
00:56:17,459 --> 00:56:19,627
He told me that that woman
who bit me was a vampire.
878
00:56:19,711 --> 00:56:21,254
He told me I was a vampire.
879
00:56:21,337 --> 00:56:22,756
A cop told you that?
880
00:56:22,839 --> 00:56:25,550
Ralph, he wasn't a cop.
He's a vampire, too.
881
00:56:25,633 --> 00:56:28,261
- Wow.
- You don't believe me, do you?
882
00:56:28,344 --> 00:56:30,430
To tell you the truth, man,
I'm kinda torn.
883
00:56:30,513 --> 00:56:33,516
See, I have this problem
with vampirism in general.
884
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:36,394
Come on, let me show you something.
Come on. Let's go.
885
00:56:42,942 --> 00:56:44,235
Go in.
886
00:56:49,616 --> 00:56:50,867
What?
887
00:56:50,950 --> 00:56:52,577
Watch this.
888
00:56:56,081 --> 00:56:57,373
Well?
889
00:56:57,624 --> 00:56:59,417
It's a trick.
890
00:56:59,501 --> 00:57:01,002
A trick?
891
00:57:02,253 --> 00:57:05,173
Yeah, David Copperfield
does this stuff all the time.
892
00:57:05,256 --> 00:57:07,842
I once saw him
make the Statue of Liberty disappear.
893
00:57:09,552 --> 00:57:10,845
Okay.
894
00:57:14,390 --> 00:57:18,812
But let me show you something
David Copperfield doesn't do.
895
00:57:27,904 --> 00:57:31,699
Yeah, it's red and it's liquid.
Is it blood?
896
00:57:43,878 --> 00:57:45,213
Hey, Ralph.
897
00:57:51,344 --> 00:57:53,680
Well, what did he say?
898
00:57:54,472 --> 00:57:55,974
You don't want to know.
899
00:57:56,057 --> 00:57:58,101
Ralph, I'm his mother.
900
00:57:58,184 --> 00:58:00,186
I want to know what's bothering him.
901
00:58:00,270 --> 00:58:02,647
No, you don't.
Trust me.
902
00:58:03,398 --> 00:58:06,442
Some things are too personal.
903
00:58:08,361 --> 00:58:10,238
Too personal?
904
00:58:12,407 --> 00:58:14,617
Oh, my God.
905
00:58:28,715 --> 00:58:29,674
Jeremy.
906
00:58:29,757 --> 00:58:32,427
I just dropped in to say goodbye.
907
00:58:32,510 --> 00:58:34,012
You're leaving?
908
00:58:34,095 --> 00:58:36,890
- My work is finished here.
- Terrific.
909
00:58:36,973 --> 00:58:39,642
My life is ruined and you're going on.
910
00:58:39,726 --> 00:58:40,852
What's gonna happen?
911
00:58:40,935 --> 00:58:42,562
Well, that's entirely up to you.
912
00:58:42,645 --> 00:58:45,023
My purpose was merely to point you
in the right direction,
913
00:58:45,106 --> 00:58:47,817
not to hold your hand forever.
914
00:58:47,901 --> 00:58:50,778
You're going to be a vampire
for a long, long time.
915
00:58:50,862 --> 00:58:52,280
I know.
916
00:58:52,864 --> 00:58:54,741
There's just…
917
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,827
still so much I don't know.
918
00:58:58,745 --> 00:59:00,371
What if I screw up?
919
00:59:00,455 --> 00:59:02,916
What if people find out?
920
00:59:03,833 --> 00:59:07,337
Everybody screws up.
Dead or undead.
921
00:59:07,420 --> 00:59:10,173
People who love you
will always protect you.
922
00:59:10,256 --> 00:59:11,424
Remember that.
923
00:59:12,467 --> 00:59:14,093
I just got used to having you around.
924
00:59:15,553 --> 00:59:17,472
Don't get sentimental on me.
925
00:59:18,223 --> 00:59:20,683
Oh, by the way,
I'm going to need to park my car
926
00:59:20,767 --> 00:59:22,393
for the next century or so.
927
00:59:22,477 --> 00:59:23,895
Do you think you can
look after it for me?
928
00:59:23,978 --> 00:59:25,396
You're kidding.
929
00:59:25,813 --> 00:59:27,649
This is great!
930
00:59:28,024 --> 00:59:30,443
Wait'll Ralph sees this.
931
00:59:31,861 --> 00:59:33,571
The Professor's after Ralph now.
932
00:59:33,655 --> 00:59:35,073
He thinks he's one of us.
933
00:59:35,865 --> 00:59:38,576
Well, it's a rather unsavory trait of man
934
00:59:38,660 --> 00:59:41,287
that whenever he stumbles across
something different,
935
00:59:41,371 --> 00:59:44,749
quite often his first impulse
is to destroy it.
936
00:59:44,832 --> 00:59:46,751
Vampires are like any other minority
937
00:59:46,834 --> 00:59:49,587
that's been persecuted
down through the ages.
938
00:59:49,671 --> 00:59:52,548
Our reputations
are a bit more tarnished than that.
939
00:59:52,632 --> 00:59:56,552
I mean, people think
we're blood-sucking monsters.
940
00:59:57,470 --> 01:00:01,140
I'm afraid a few bad apples
back in the Dark Ages
941
01:00:01,224 --> 01:00:03,559
spoiled it for the rest of us.
942
01:00:03,643 --> 01:00:07,021
Professor McCarthy
is not one to forgive and forget.
943
01:00:07,105 --> 01:00:09,607
What is it with this guy?
What's his problem?
944
01:00:09,691 --> 01:00:12,277
He's quite mad, of course.
945
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,404
But don't be misled.
946
01:00:14,487 --> 01:00:16,656
He poses a very real threat.
947
01:00:16,739 --> 01:00:17,740
What do I do?
948
01:00:19,242 --> 01:00:21,744
You're a vampire, Jeremy.
949
01:00:22,453 --> 01:00:23,871
Use it.
950
01:00:27,709 --> 01:00:32,755
Louis, Jeremy's behavior
is just too peculiar to ignore.
951
01:00:32,839 --> 01:00:35,383
Ralph says he has some problem with girls.
952
01:00:35,466 --> 01:00:36,718
Yes.
953
01:00:36,801 --> 01:00:42,390
And I know I heard a man's voice
up in his room the other night.
954
01:00:43,975 --> 01:00:46,060
The man in the BMW.
955
01:00:48,271 --> 01:00:49,814
Good night.
956
01:00:49,897 --> 01:00:52,567
Jeremy, where are you going?
957
01:00:53,693 --> 01:00:54,777
Out.
958
01:00:54,861 --> 01:00:56,904
You know your father and I are here
959
01:00:56,988 --> 01:01:00,450
to talk about anything
that might be bothering you.
960
01:01:00,533 --> 01:01:02,160
That's great, Mom.
961
01:01:02,243 --> 01:01:03,661
Louis.
962
01:01:03,745 --> 01:01:05,371
Do you have anything you want to tell us?
963
01:01:06,622 --> 01:01:07,874
Just good night.
964
01:01:20,553 --> 01:01:22,889
Where did he get that car?
965
01:01:22,972 --> 01:01:26,392
It's that same artic blue BMW 735.
966
01:01:27,518 --> 01:01:29,645
What does that license plate mean?
967
01:01:48,206 --> 01:01:50,208
You're not getting any of my blood.
968
01:01:51,501 --> 01:01:52,585
Hey!
969
01:01:54,212 --> 01:01:55,505
Go away.
970
01:01:55,588 --> 01:01:58,049
Come on, open up.
I'm not going to hurt you.
971
01:02:04,138 --> 01:02:05,515
Thank you.
972
01:02:08,601 --> 01:02:10,436
That's far enough, Count Dracula.
973
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:12,730
What— Ralph, will you cut it out?
974
01:02:12,814 --> 01:02:14,440
I had to tell somebody.
975
01:02:14,524 --> 01:02:16,109
Why did it have to be me?
976
01:02:16,192 --> 01:02:18,444
'Cause you're my best friend.
I need you.
977
01:02:18,528 --> 01:02:23,116
Oh, so I can lure young virgins
back to your lair for a midnight snack?
978
01:02:23,199 --> 01:02:25,576
- Not me, pal.
- Don't be a jerk.
979
01:02:26,411 --> 01:02:28,663
This is too much, man.
980
01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:30,081
Ralph, I'm still the same person.
981
01:02:30,164 --> 01:02:31,874
I'm not some monster.
982
01:02:31,958 --> 01:02:34,085
Okay, let me think.
983
01:02:38,673 --> 01:02:41,592
Okay, look,
we're in this thing together, all right?
984
01:02:41,676 --> 01:02:43,719
My lips are sealed.
985
01:02:43,970 --> 01:02:46,305
Just make sure yours stay that way, too.
986
01:02:46,389 --> 01:02:48,516
I don't want to wake up a few pints low.
987
01:02:48,599 --> 01:02:49,934
Great.
988
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:54,021
So now what do we do?
989
01:02:54,939 --> 01:02:55,815
I don't know.
990
01:03:06,784 --> 01:03:08,161
What are we doing here?
991
01:03:08,244 --> 01:03:10,913
Hey, look, if vampires really have
secret powers over women,
992
01:03:10,997 --> 01:03:12,457
you can't hold out on your best friend.
993
01:03:12,540 --> 01:03:13,875
Look at these girls.
994
01:03:13,958 --> 01:03:15,626
Ralph, I haven't even read this yet.
995
01:03:15,710 --> 01:03:17,295
You'll do fine. Just wing it.
996
01:03:17,378 --> 01:03:19,213
Now look, I'm not choosy, okay?
997
01:03:19,297 --> 01:03:20,506
Tall blonde, skinny brunette…
998
01:03:20,590 --> 01:03:21,674
I'll take anything.
999
01:03:24,802 --> 01:03:27,430
Almost anything.
Come on. Let's go over here.
1000
01:03:29,765 --> 01:03:31,517
- That girl.
- Like her?
1001
01:03:31,601 --> 01:03:35,438
Yeah. Go to it Count Capello.
Do your thing.
1002
01:03:39,859 --> 01:03:42,236
- What a hunk.
- Him?
1003
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:44,197
That face.
1004
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:46,407
That body.
1005
01:03:46,491 --> 01:03:49,827
Now he's a walking sex machine.
1006
01:03:55,500 --> 01:03:57,251
Missed by that much.
1007
01:04:00,630 --> 01:04:03,466
My God, it's an entire satanic cult!
1008
01:04:04,300 --> 01:04:06,469
Grimsdyke, you take the back.
Be careful.
1009
01:04:19,607 --> 01:04:21,317
Blonde at the bar.
1010
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:23,319
Now nothing fancy, okay?
1011
01:04:23,402 --> 01:04:26,197
- A simple love slave will do.
- Love slave.
1012
01:04:28,157 --> 01:04:30,326
One love slave to go.
1013
01:04:33,037 --> 01:04:34,247
Hey, nice glasses.
1014
01:04:34,330 --> 01:04:36,207
Look, is it okay if we go to your place?
1015
01:04:36,290 --> 01:04:39,126
My parents wouldn't understand
all the screaming and moaning
1016
01:04:39,210 --> 01:04:41,546
coming from my bedroom.
1017
01:04:44,048 --> 01:04:46,342
- Well…
- Satisfied?
1018
01:04:48,469 --> 01:04:49,720
Her.
1019
01:04:50,888 --> 01:04:53,099
All right.
If I blow it, you're on your own.
1020
01:04:53,182 --> 01:04:55,268
- You understand?
- Well, just nail her.
1021
01:05:12,034 --> 01:05:13,828
Make me your love slave.
1022
01:05:13,911 --> 01:05:14,996
Oh, my God!
1023
01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:17,206
Get the hell off of me, man.
1024
01:05:20,543 --> 01:05:22,044
Grimsdyke!
1025
01:05:22,670 --> 01:05:24,422
Professor, no!
1026
01:05:28,217 --> 01:05:29,719
Pull yourself together!
1027
01:05:29,802 --> 01:05:31,721
- Ralph!
- Who is that guy, man?
1028
01:05:31,804 --> 01:05:33,180
Come on. Let's get out of here!
1029
01:05:33,264 --> 01:05:34,473
Did you get him?
1030
01:05:39,729 --> 01:05:42,273
Here, hold this.
I'll be right back.
1031
01:05:56,329 --> 01:05:58,706
Don't just sit there, Grimsdyke.
They're getting away.
1032
01:06:00,249 --> 01:06:02,084
Ralph, there's something
I forgot to tell you.
1033
01:06:02,168 --> 01:06:03,044
Yeah?
1034
01:06:03,127 --> 01:06:04,754
Apparently, there's some nutcase
running around
1035
01:06:04,837 --> 01:06:06,839
trying to wipe vampires out of existence.
1036
01:06:06,922 --> 01:06:09,508
He's the guy that broke down the door
and torched the Gardner place.
1037
01:06:09,592 --> 01:06:10,968
Don't worry. I won't let him get to you.
1038
01:06:11,052 --> 01:06:13,679
He's also the guy
that drives the white van.
1039
01:06:13,763 --> 01:06:15,056
The guy that's been following you.
1040
01:06:15,139 --> 01:06:17,642
What are you saying?
That they think I'm a vampire?
1041
01:06:17,725 --> 01:06:20,561
They can't be that stupid.
If they kill me, I'm dust.
1042
01:06:20,645 --> 01:06:22,480
If they kill you, it's murder, right?
1043
01:06:22,563 --> 01:06:25,066
Yeah, great.
Thanks a lot.
1044
01:06:34,742 --> 01:06:36,494
We have to face the facts, honey.
1045
01:06:37,662 --> 01:06:38,871
Our son is gay.
1046
01:06:38,954 --> 01:06:41,499
How do you feel about that?
1047
01:06:42,583 --> 01:06:45,044
I really wanted grandchildren.
1048
01:07:04,814 --> 01:07:06,565
Oh, my God. There he is.
1049
01:07:06,649 --> 01:07:08,567
- She's here, stud.
- What?
1050
01:07:08,651 --> 01:07:10,403
- Where?
- Corner table. Don't look.
1051
01:07:10,528 --> 01:07:11,904
Don't look!
1052
01:07:11,987 --> 01:07:13,531
Don't look.
1053
01:07:17,284 --> 01:07:19,078
This is dumb.
1054
01:07:28,129 --> 01:07:29,130
Hi, Darla.
1055
01:07:29,213 --> 01:07:31,716
- You never give up, do you?
- No.
1056
01:07:31,799 --> 01:07:33,259
Darla, I…
1057
01:07:33,342 --> 01:07:35,970
Look, you're important to me.
Just give me one more chance.
1058
01:07:37,221 --> 01:07:41,767
I don't know, Jeremy.
I like you, but you're so weird.
1059
01:07:41,851 --> 01:07:43,060
He'll freak out on you again.
1060
01:07:43,144 --> 01:07:45,604
I won't freak out. I promise.
1061
01:07:45,688 --> 01:07:47,773
Look, I had some problems before, okay?
1062
01:07:47,857 --> 01:07:49,233
But I'm fine now.
1063
01:07:50,192 --> 01:07:51,777
Don't make me beg.
1064
01:07:51,861 --> 01:07:54,572
- Make him beg.
- I'm begging.
1065
01:07:56,365 --> 01:07:57,450
Shit.
1066
01:07:57,533 --> 01:08:00,035
Don't make any foolhardy attempt
to run away.
1067
01:08:00,119 --> 01:08:03,956
This revolver is pointing at your navel.
It's loaded with silver bullets.
1068
01:08:04,039 --> 01:08:05,958
- Professor, there's a—
- Be quiet.
1069
01:08:06,041 --> 01:08:09,295
You will slowly get up and walk out
to that van parked in the street.
1070
01:08:09,378 --> 01:08:12,006
If you so much as bat an eyelid,
I won't hesitate to use this.
1071
01:08:12,089 --> 01:08:15,259
- Is that clear?
- Perfect. Very.
1072
01:08:15,342 --> 01:08:16,886
Let's go!
1073
01:08:19,180 --> 01:08:22,308
Okay, I'll give you one more chance.
1074
01:08:25,728 --> 01:08:28,147
That wasn't too weird, was it?
1075
01:08:28,230 --> 01:08:31,692
Look, I know you think I'm gonna
go bananas any minute, but I'm not.
1076
01:08:33,235 --> 01:08:34,361
Where's Ralph?
1077
01:08:35,321 --> 01:08:38,824
- He just left with a couple of freaks.
- What?
1078
01:08:39,408 --> 01:08:42,077
That's them over there in that van.
1079
01:08:42,161 --> 01:08:43,621
Come on.
1080
01:08:44,914 --> 01:08:46,832
Wait, don't go.
1081
01:08:56,675 --> 01:08:57,843
Hurry! Get in.
1082
01:08:57,927 --> 01:09:00,429
Are we stealing this car?
1083
01:09:02,765 --> 01:09:05,726
Hey, look.
You guys are making a big mistake here.
1084
01:09:05,810 --> 01:09:07,186
I'm not a vampire.
1085
01:09:07,269 --> 01:09:09,772
I hate the taste of blood.
I hate the sight of blood.
1086
01:09:09,855 --> 01:09:12,775
Professor, maybe he's telling the truth.
1087
01:09:12,858 --> 01:09:14,860
- Yeah.
- Lies, all lies.
1088
01:09:14,944 --> 01:09:15,986
Don't listen, Grimsdyke.
1089
01:09:16,070 --> 01:09:18,906
These bastards will say anything
to protect their black hearts.
1090
01:09:18,989 --> 01:09:20,449
You promised you wouldn't freak out!
1091
01:09:20,533 --> 01:09:21,575
You know that? You promised!
1092
01:09:21,659 --> 01:09:24,328
I'm sorry, Darla, my best friend's
about to be murdered.
1093
01:09:24,411 --> 01:09:26,539
Murdered? By whom?
1094
01:09:26,622 --> 01:09:29,291
It's a long story.
It's really me they should be after.
1095
01:09:29,375 --> 01:09:31,502
What are you talking about?
1096
01:09:31,585 --> 01:09:33,462
Professor McCarthy, he's a maniac.
1097
01:09:33,546 --> 01:09:35,005
He thinks Ralph's a vampire.
1098
01:09:36,715 --> 01:09:37,716
That's crazy.
1099
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:40,594
Of course, it's crazy.
Ralph's not the vampire.
1100
01:09:41,929 --> 01:09:43,347
I'm the vampire.
1101
01:09:46,934 --> 01:09:48,018
Oh, my God.
1102
01:09:48,102 --> 01:09:49,645
There they are.
1103
01:09:55,067 --> 01:09:58,153
Professor, somebody's following us.
1104
01:09:58,904 --> 01:10:00,531
That's right, pal.
1105
01:10:00,614 --> 01:10:04,451
The FBI, the CIA, the National Guard!
1106
01:10:04,535 --> 01:10:07,955
And when all this over,
my dad is going to kick your ass!
1107
01:10:13,127 --> 01:10:15,504
Evasive action, Grimsdyke.
1108
01:10:15,588 --> 01:10:17,464
Yes, Professor.
1109
01:10:25,890 --> 01:10:27,099
I'm not crazy, okay?
1110
01:10:27,182 --> 01:10:28,934
Whatever you're thinking,
please believe me.
1111
01:10:29,018 --> 01:10:29,977
I need your help.
1112
01:10:30,060 --> 01:10:34,315
Modoc told me someone that really cares
will never let you down.
1113
01:10:34,398 --> 01:10:35,774
Modoc?
1114
01:10:37,401 --> 01:10:40,029
He's-he's my vampire advisor.
1115
01:10:48,245 --> 01:10:49,914
They're gonna kill us!
1116
01:10:54,043 --> 01:10:56,587
Darla, remember what we said
about being different?
1117
01:10:56,670 --> 01:10:59,924
Different, yes. Like being taller
or skinnier or wearing braces.
1118
01:11:00,007 --> 01:11:02,301
Or maybe even being
just a little bit weird.
1119
01:11:02,384 --> 01:11:04,595
But not being a vampire.
1120
01:11:10,768 --> 01:11:13,395
Cops! All right! Hang on, Ralph.
1121
01:11:13,479 --> 01:11:15,814
BMW, license plate NITEMAN.
1122
01:11:15,898 --> 01:11:17,149
Westbound on Allen Parkway.
1123
01:11:17,232 --> 01:11:19,109
Thirty-two X-ray, request assist.
1124
01:11:19,193 --> 01:11:23,238
Roger. All units in vicinity
of Allen Parkway roll to assist 32 X-ray.
1125
01:11:23,322 --> 01:11:25,115
Pursuit of a blue BMW, westbound…
1126
01:11:29,244 --> 01:11:31,580
- Oh, my God!
- Oh! Oh!
1127
01:11:39,213 --> 01:11:40,297
- You okay?
- Stop!
1128
01:11:48,681 --> 01:11:50,057
Hang on, Darla.
1129
01:11:53,519 --> 01:11:54,687
Shit!
1130
01:12:02,569 --> 01:12:03,988
Good work, Grimsdyke.
1131
01:12:04,071 --> 01:12:07,366
It looks like the cavalry's
been cut off at the pass.
1132
01:12:08,742 --> 01:12:10,160
Freeze!
1133
01:12:20,879 --> 01:12:22,089
You kids all right?
1134
01:12:22,172 --> 01:12:23,507
Yeah, I think so.
1135
01:12:23,590 --> 01:12:24,925
We have to stop the white van!
1136
01:12:25,009 --> 01:12:26,510
They're gonna kill Ralph!
1137
01:12:26,593 --> 01:12:28,512
Take it easy, kid.
You're in shock.
1138
01:12:28,595 --> 01:12:30,389
They're gonna murder him.
We have to stop it.
1139
01:12:30,472 --> 01:12:32,766
Relax, son. We'll get you an ambulance.
1140
01:12:32,850 --> 01:12:34,685
Listen to me. They're crazy.
1141
01:12:34,768 --> 01:12:37,563
They're vampire hunters.
They think my friend's a vampire.
1142
01:12:37,646 --> 01:12:40,149
They've kidnapped him
and they're going to kill him.
1143
01:12:41,442 --> 01:12:44,903
Hey, Wally, looks like we've got
another vampire hunter on our hands.
1144
01:12:44,987 --> 01:12:47,281
- Another one?
- See?
1145
01:12:47,364 --> 01:12:50,034
Damn. We better call in
a Code V and get after 'em.
1146
01:12:50,117 --> 01:12:52,036
Come on, kids. Let's get to the car.
1147
01:12:52,119 --> 01:12:53,579
Come on.
1148
01:12:55,956 --> 01:12:57,499
Let's go!
1149
01:12:58,667 --> 01:13:00,335
Come on!
1150
01:13:00,419 --> 01:13:01,545
Hey.
1151
01:13:03,464 --> 01:13:04,757
You can't do this!
1152
01:13:04,840 --> 01:13:07,468
- Yeah, right.
- Sober up, kid.
1153
01:13:07,551 --> 01:13:08,761
Hey!
1154
01:13:12,598 --> 01:13:15,768
Ralph's gonna die and it's all my fault.
1155
01:13:15,851 --> 01:13:17,436
Maybe not.
1156
01:13:20,355 --> 01:13:22,566
I don't believe you're gonna do this.
1157
01:13:22,649 --> 01:13:24,651
You don't believe it?
1158
01:13:29,406 --> 01:13:30,824
Holy shit!
1159
01:13:41,835 --> 01:13:43,295
Come on, hurry up.
1160
01:13:46,465 --> 01:13:49,343
That was great!
I could be falling for you.
1161
01:13:49,426 --> 01:13:51,512
Don't push your luck.
1162
01:13:58,227 --> 01:13:59,561
This is One Adam-12.
1163
01:13:59,645 --> 01:14:02,523
I'd like to put out an APB
on a white Ford van,
1164
01:14:02,606 --> 01:14:05,526
last seen heading north on Henderson Way.
1165
01:14:05,609 --> 01:14:08,278
Oh, and, Mom, if you're listening,
1166
01:14:08,362 --> 01:14:11,532
I'd like to tell you
that this really isn't my fault.
1167
01:14:11,615 --> 01:14:13,826
I had to steal this police car
in order to save Ralph.
1168
01:14:13,909 --> 01:14:15,285
Oh, my God! Let's go!
1169
01:14:15,369 --> 01:14:17,579
Oh, and, Mom,
I'd like you to meet Darla Blake.
1170
01:14:17,663 --> 01:14:19,998
Hello, Mrs. Capello.
1171
01:14:20,082 --> 01:14:21,708
She's great, Mom. You'll love her.
1172
01:14:23,252 --> 01:14:25,420
Hurry up, Louis. Run!
1173
01:14:25,504 --> 01:14:27,756
Our son's in trouble!
1174
01:14:31,510 --> 01:14:33,178
Come on! Where are you, buddy?
1175
01:14:33,262 --> 01:14:34,721
I think they went that way.
1176
01:14:34,805 --> 01:14:36,682
- Where?
- That way.
1177
01:14:39,268 --> 01:14:42,020
Stolen police unit
traveling north on Highway 41.
1178
01:14:42,104 --> 01:14:43,480
Proceed with caution.
1179
01:14:43,564 --> 01:14:45,774
Perpetrator is presumed
armed and dangerous.
1180
01:14:45,858 --> 01:14:48,569
Repeat, perp is presumed
armed and dangerous.
1181
01:14:48,652 --> 01:14:49,862
That's our baby.
1182
01:14:51,488 --> 01:14:52,614
Turn there.
1183
01:15:04,418 --> 01:15:07,337
We'll release the creature's soul
on sanctified ground.
1184
01:15:14,720 --> 01:15:17,431
Come on, you piece of junk!
Haul ass!
1185
01:15:17,514 --> 01:15:19,683
You heard him. Haul ass!
1186
01:15:21,643 --> 01:15:23,228
Hang on, Ralph.
1187
01:15:39,119 --> 01:15:41,121
Grimsdyke, will you stop that?
1188
01:15:42,539 --> 01:15:43,582
Come here.
1189
01:15:47,336 --> 01:15:49,755
- You do this one.
- Me, Professor?
1190
01:15:49,838 --> 01:15:51,256
Yes, you.
1191
01:15:56,887 --> 01:16:00,224
Right. Now, you hit the stake
right in the center.
1192
01:16:00,307 --> 01:16:03,393
Hard enough to drive the shaft
through the ribcage,
1193
01:16:03,477 --> 01:16:07,147
into the chest cavity, piercing the heart.
Go on.
1194
01:16:16,698 --> 01:16:17,699
I can't do it.
1195
01:16:18,617 --> 01:16:21,495
I've never hurt a human being in my life.
1196
01:16:22,871 --> 01:16:23,872
Wait! There it is.
1197
01:16:26,833 --> 01:16:29,419
You spineless creature, Grimsdyke.
1198
01:16:29,503 --> 01:16:30,545
Now I've got to do it myself.
1199
01:16:45,477 --> 01:16:48,939
May God have mercy on your soul.
1200
01:16:49,022 --> 01:16:50,315
Stop!
1201
01:16:52,317 --> 01:16:53,485
Hi.
1202
01:16:54,903 --> 01:16:56,571
I know what this must look like.
1203
01:16:56,655 --> 01:16:58,532
How about attempted murder?
1204
01:16:58,615 --> 01:17:02,202
No, you're mistaken.
We're just performing a little exorcism.
1205
01:17:02,286 --> 01:17:05,247
This is a vile,
disgusting creature of the night.
1206
01:17:05,330 --> 01:17:07,291
A vampire.
1207
01:17:07,374 --> 01:17:08,709
We're the good guys.
1208
01:17:08,792 --> 01:17:12,087
You kill him and you'll fry
for Murder One, pal, guaranteed.
1209
01:17:12,170 --> 01:17:15,173
No way.
There won't even be a corpse.
1210
01:17:15,257 --> 01:17:17,634
He'll crumble to dust
before your very eyes.
1211
01:17:17,718 --> 01:17:19,678
- Watch.
- Wait! Wait! Wait!
1212
01:17:19,761 --> 01:17:22,639
If he is a vampire, that's one thing.
1213
01:17:22,723 --> 01:17:25,309
If he isn't, an innocent guy is dead.
1214
01:17:25,392 --> 01:17:27,269
Yes, yes, yes.
1215
01:17:27,394 --> 01:17:29,146
That's a chance I'm prepared to take.
1216
01:17:29,229 --> 01:17:30,480
Forget it.
1217
01:17:30,564 --> 01:17:32,024
Let's see some proof.
1218
01:17:32,107 --> 01:17:34,985
What's in your little
vampire hunters kit there?
1219
01:17:35,068 --> 01:17:36,778
You have a crucifix, right?
1220
01:17:43,577 --> 01:17:47,080
- Maybe he's a Jewish vampire.
- Right.
1221
01:17:47,164 --> 01:17:48,540
What else have you got?
1222
01:17:51,209 --> 01:17:53,211
String of garlic.
1223
01:17:56,256 --> 01:17:57,966
And you were gonna kill this guy?
1224
01:17:59,259 --> 01:18:00,844
Holy water, right?
1225
01:18:00,927 --> 01:18:03,764
Good idea.
Nothing worse than a dirty vampire.
1226
01:18:03,847 --> 01:18:05,182
And the stake.
1227
01:18:05,265 --> 01:18:07,100
If I kill him
with a stake through the heart,
1228
01:18:07,184 --> 01:18:08,685
he's definitely a vampire.
1229
01:18:08,769 --> 01:18:10,645
A stake through the heart
would kill anything.
1230
01:18:10,729 --> 01:18:13,899
I'm afraid this evidence
wouldn't be too persuasive
1231
01:18:13,982 --> 01:18:16,026
at your murder trial.
1232
01:18:16,109 --> 01:18:17,861
Grimsdyke, you've made a mistake.
1233
01:18:17,944 --> 01:18:19,237
Let him go.
1234
01:18:25,952 --> 01:18:27,537
A mistake?
1235
01:18:27,704 --> 01:18:30,999
That's all? No apology?
1236
01:18:31,083 --> 01:18:32,876
No, "I'm sorry, Ralph?"
1237
01:18:32,959 --> 01:18:34,669
"I beg your pardon, Ralph?"
1238
01:18:34,753 --> 01:18:37,422
"Sorry about that stake
through your heart, Ralph!"
1239
01:18:39,383 --> 01:18:42,177
You sly little bloodsucker, you.
1240
01:18:53,688 --> 01:18:55,816
- Come on!
- The car!
1241
01:18:57,567 --> 01:18:58,985
Ralph, the car…
1242
01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:08,912
Ralph, wait!
1243
01:19:09,871 --> 01:19:11,665
The car is over there.
1244
01:19:11,748 --> 01:19:14,126
- No problem. Follow me.
- Right.
1245
01:19:15,669 --> 01:19:17,504
- Come on!
- Freeze!
1246
01:19:18,630 --> 01:19:20,132
No need to remind you that silver bullets
1247
01:19:20,215 --> 01:19:23,093
serve the same purpose
as a stake through the heart.
1248
01:19:23,176 --> 01:19:24,886
Professor…
1249
01:19:26,346 --> 01:19:29,307
Okay. You have me.
1250
01:19:29,391 --> 01:19:30,976
Let them go.
1251
01:19:31,059 --> 01:19:33,353
They're only innocent bystanders.
1252
01:19:34,729 --> 01:19:37,941
Your heroic plea
has been noted and rejected.
1253
01:19:38,024 --> 01:19:40,694
Do I really think I'll let you kill me?
My friends?
1254
01:19:40,777 --> 01:19:43,363
I don't see how you can prevent it.
1255
01:19:45,490 --> 01:19:48,702
You forget, Professor, I'm a vampire.
1256
01:19:48,785 --> 01:19:51,455
That has certain advantages.
1257
01:19:53,373 --> 01:19:56,460
You've abandoned
your precious tools, Professor.
1258
01:19:56,543 --> 01:19:59,713
You have no crucifix, no garlic,
no holy water.
1259
01:19:59,796 --> 01:20:01,214
Grimsdyke, shoot him!
1260
01:20:02,215 --> 01:20:03,633
I can't!
1261
01:20:03,717 --> 01:20:06,928
Luckily for you, I don't kill people.
1262
01:20:08,138 --> 01:20:10,265
Aren't you gonna drain my blood?
1263
01:20:10,348 --> 01:20:12,309
You sound disappointed.
1264
01:20:12,392 --> 01:20:14,728
No, just surprised.
1265
01:20:14,811 --> 01:20:16,646
Pleasantly surprised.
1266
01:20:20,734 --> 01:20:22,611
Didn't you hear me?
1267
01:20:22,694 --> 01:20:24,821
I'm letting you go.
1268
01:20:24,905 --> 01:20:27,115
I'll never stop coming after you, never!
1269
01:20:27,199 --> 01:20:30,035
Why? What do I have to do, kill you?
1270
01:20:30,118 --> 01:20:31,828
Rip your heart out?
1271
01:20:31,912 --> 01:20:33,205
Do it, Jeremy.
1272
01:20:33,288 --> 01:20:35,749
Let's share a toast with his blood.
1273
01:20:35,832 --> 01:20:37,584
Nora.
1274
01:20:37,667 --> 01:20:39,503
You've returned from the grave.
1275
01:20:39,586 --> 01:20:41,963
Of course. I'm a vampire.
1276
01:20:42,047 --> 01:20:43,632
Who's she?
1277
01:20:43,715 --> 01:20:48,178
Join me, Jeremy,
in a taste of immorality.
1278
01:20:48,261 --> 01:20:50,680
Starting with the professor's blood.
1279
01:20:50,764 --> 01:20:51,890
Well, surely you wouldn't—
1280
01:20:51,973 --> 01:20:53,266
You were eager enough to kill me.
1281
01:20:53,350 --> 01:20:54,851
Oh, that was different.
1282
01:20:54,935 --> 01:20:56,353
Go, Professor.
1283
01:20:56,436 --> 01:20:59,773
You see we're not all the insidious
creatures you'd like to believe.
1284
01:20:59,856 --> 01:21:02,317
All we want is a chance to live in peace
1285
01:21:02,400 --> 01:21:05,487
without worrying about someone
trying to ram a stake through our hearts.
1286
01:21:07,155 --> 01:21:09,324
Bravo, my boy. Bravo.
1287
01:21:11,743 --> 01:21:15,288
I've waited a long time
to get you into my sights, old man.
1288
01:21:17,624 --> 01:21:20,752
My dear professor,
why does it have to be this way?
1289
01:21:20,835 --> 01:21:23,213
When will you understand
that I'm not your enemy?
1290
01:21:27,801 --> 01:21:29,344
Grimsdyke, where'd you get these bullets?
1291
01:21:29,427 --> 01:21:30,303
But, Professor—
1292
01:21:30,387 --> 01:21:33,014
Now I'm gonna have to rip him apart
with my bare hands.
1293
01:21:33,098 --> 01:21:36,518
As you wish. But first,
allow me to introduce some friends.
1294
01:21:48,071 --> 01:21:49,322
This is getting interesting.
1295
01:21:49,406 --> 01:21:51,908
Oh, no. Not that.
1296
01:21:51,992 --> 01:21:54,995
Grimsdyke, what are they gonna do to me?
1297
01:21:55,078 --> 01:21:56,413
Oh, my goodness.
1298
01:21:56,496 --> 01:21:58,373
Grimsdyke, don't let them take me away.
1299
01:21:58,456 --> 01:22:00,625
Grimsdyke!
Don't let them take me away.
1300
01:22:00,709 --> 01:22:03,420
Grimsdyke, help me!
Grimsdyke!
1301
01:22:06,506 --> 01:22:08,091
What'll happen to him?
1302
01:22:09,050 --> 01:22:12,262
What better way to vanquish an enemy
than to make him an ally?
1303
01:22:12,345 --> 01:22:14,472
Help me!
1304
01:22:15,015 --> 01:22:17,017
Hey, are those chicks coming back or what?
1305
01:22:18,685 --> 01:22:20,687
Wait a minute. You were shot.
1306
01:22:20,770 --> 01:22:22,439
With silver bullets.
1307
01:22:22,522 --> 01:22:25,734
Jeremy, once again you're guilty
of not reading your handbook.
1308
01:22:25,817 --> 01:22:31,197
Silver bullets are an effective means
of dispatching werewolves, not vampires.
1309
01:22:31,990 --> 01:22:34,242
I don't even want to get into werewolves.
1310
01:22:34,326 --> 01:22:35,952
Professor…
1311
01:22:37,746 --> 01:22:39,789
What have they done to you?
1312
01:22:40,749 --> 01:22:44,419
Well, this is an ironic turn of events,
isn't it, Grimsdyke?
1313
01:22:44,502 --> 01:22:46,713
What's to become of you?
1314
01:22:46,796 --> 01:22:48,632
I don't know.
1315
01:22:48,715 --> 01:22:52,385
Maybe I'll run with the pack for a while,
see what happens.
1316
01:22:52,469 --> 01:22:54,929
I feel 20 years younger.
1317
01:22:55,055 --> 01:22:56,139
Bye, Grimsdyke.
1318
01:23:05,899 --> 01:23:07,901
I'm afraid that's our signal.
1319
01:23:07,984 --> 01:23:09,569
You're welcome to join us, Jeremy.
1320
01:23:09,653 --> 01:23:12,530
You'd be among friends,
with others like yourself.
1321
01:23:12,614 --> 01:23:13,657
Thanks, Modoc.
1322
01:23:13,740 --> 01:23:15,867
But I have school tomorrow.
1323
01:23:15,950 --> 01:23:19,120
Besides, I have a few friends right here.
1324
01:23:19,204 --> 01:23:21,206
Goodbye, Jeremy.
1325
01:23:21,289 --> 01:23:23,249
Goodbye, Modoc.
1326
01:23:24,834 --> 01:23:27,504
Okay, listen, next time you're in town,
give me a call.
1327
01:23:27,587 --> 01:23:28,963
We'll go out for a drink.
1328
01:23:29,047 --> 01:23:30,840
Bloody Marys.
1329
01:23:34,052 --> 01:23:36,304
Come, children. Away!
1330
01:23:44,396 --> 01:23:47,440
This has been one hell of a night.
1331
01:23:57,534 --> 01:23:59,035
I've gotta read that book.
1332
01:24:36,197 --> 01:24:38,324
Look, Louis! There they are over there!
1333
01:24:38,408 --> 01:24:40,118
Look, honey! Turn around.
1334
01:24:52,172 --> 01:24:53,631
Jeremy?
1335
01:24:54,424 --> 01:24:56,217
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
1336
01:24:56,301 --> 01:24:57,552
Son.
1337
01:24:57,677 --> 01:24:59,596
Guess I've got some explaining to do, huh?
1338
01:24:59,679 --> 01:25:03,141
We know that you've been
going through this change lately.
1339
01:25:03,224 --> 01:25:06,186
Wait, you knew?
You knew all along?
1340
01:25:06,311 --> 01:25:07,812
We're not blind, Jeremy.
1341
01:25:07,896 --> 01:25:10,106
We know what's going on in the world.
1342
01:25:10,190 --> 01:25:12,567
We don't want to be part of your problem.
1343
01:25:12,650 --> 01:25:15,320
- Just be happy with who you are.
- Happy.
1344
01:25:15,403 --> 01:25:17,280
Incredible.
1345
01:25:18,698 --> 01:25:22,285
Oh! Mom, Dad, this is Darla Blake.
1346
01:25:22,368 --> 01:25:24,162
She's my new girlfriend.
1347
01:25:25,038 --> 01:25:29,751
Oh. Well, we're very,
very happy to meet you.
1348
01:25:34,214 --> 01:25:35,965
Unbelievable.