I met her a couple of weeks ago.
The first time we went out I thought "maybe".
Then the second time we went out I thought to myself "yes".
Now I'm wondering
"could a woman this good ever really fall for a guy like me?"
I met him 17 days ago and he is so funny,
he makes me laugh.
He's the kind of guy a woman could fall in love with.
All right, maybe I've already fallen. I don't know.
Tonight is our third date. The all-important third date.
Great!
She told me she thinks I'm great.
Until she finds out the truth.
You meet some guy, you think he's great,
so you end up going to bed with some fantasy you made up.
And then you wake up in the morning with someone you don't even know.
Which I have promised myself I am never doing again.
I've got to break this date.
-David, don't call her. -I have to.
You don't go with somebody this good on the day you're fired.
Don't break this date.
-Why not? -Because.
I think right now, feeling the way you're feeling
this is exactly what you need.
What I like about David is that his life is so together.
We're going out to celebrate some big promotion he got.
Well, that's a relief.
Mom and I would be very happy
if you could find someone you didn't have to support.
I must like him. I'm shaving above my knee.
You will get another job.
You will!
I'm not worried about you getting another job
but this woman,
If she is as terrific as you say she is —and I'm assuming you're not lying—
-She's better than I told you. -She is?
And I don't mean just sexy. Which she is.
Although we haven't even kissed yet, but…
This is the kind of woman you could fall in love with.
Really?
Then she's got a shelf-life of like 6 days max
and then she meets somebody else and she's gone.
He doesn't even know I smoke
because I haven't shown him any of my bad habits yet.
I can usually hide something wrong of me for about a month.
I mean, he thinks I'm this really sweet girl
that hasn't been around very much.
I can be sweet when I want to but
I cannot __ very much.
Do you know why I really lost my job this afternoon?
Cause I was honest. That's why.
There with __ Cyrus
He's telling the same joke
he tells me every time I'm going to see him.
Same joke.
It wasn't funny then and it really isn't funny now.
But sitting there I was thinking
"okay, get ready, here comes the punchline"
I tried to laugh.
I really did but it just wasn't there.
I don't know. Maybe you should have laughed.
I don't think honesty is always such a great thing.
I've got to tell him about Jessie tonight.
Kathy, trust me on this one.
Al didn't know I had kids until he moved in and sat on a Barbie.
First I just assumed he knew I had a child
then, when I realized he didn't I felt __ tell him right away.
Then, last week,
I couldn't find the exact right moment to break the news.
What do you say? "Pass the salt, and by the way,
would you like to see a video of me in labor?"
You don't say anything now. It's too soon.
The last couple of interesting guys I've met,
when they found out I had a child,
they thought it was really great, really earthy and all that
but I never heard from them again.
Why did it have to be today?
Fire me Monday morning. At least give me the weekend.
Could we pick it up here, please?
Don't forget who you are, pal.
You're right.
Who am I again?
You are David Morgan, the king of the road.
Yeah, king of the road. Meanwhile my car is still in the shop.
You know what?
You take my car.
Your car?
No, it's brand new.
I mean, it's a great car but…
I want you to take my car.
No, cause I know how you can be about your things.
You're right. But I hate that about myself.
I don't give. I'm not a giving person.
I want to change that. It's wrong.
So let me help you.
How can I lose a 30,000-dollar-a-year job?
Kathy owns her own business. No one can fire her.
How come people go on dates?
To get to know somebody, find out what they're like.
How come people wear perfume?
Would you do me a big favor?
Do you go and get that new bracelet I like so much?
-Okay. -Thanks.
You do me a favor and take a Valium?
I'm not asking you to take an entire blue
but I am begging you to have half a yellow.
You really should be having more fun.
Dating isn't fun.
What are you doing?
Are you planning of bringing her back here?
Shouldn't I bring her back here?
Go ahead!
Why not?
No, that's fine.
Yeah, but you're saying like "bring her back if you wanna be an asshole"
No, I'm not. In fact I'm thinking,
if you wanna use my new place it's available.
Your new apartment?
Is it great?
It's fabulous.
These?
I wouldn't wear that if I were you. You will have a zipper mark on your back.
It really doesn't matter because this skirt is not coming off
until I get home.
Really, I'm not sleeping with this guy yet.
Really? So how come you're taking your diaphragm?
Oh, god, I should have gotten shoulder pads. It would have looked so much better.
I think you have too much lip gloss on
and you are doing that weird thing with your eyebrow that you do when you get nervous.
Is there anything else? Am I doing anything right?
I know what you're thinking.
You do?
I've been there. Every salesman has.
You've lost your job so your confidence is shattered.
That makes sense.
And deep down inside you you start thinking to yourself
maybe you've lost the magic.
I don't know. Let's say you did.
Let's say you've lost the magic, which is possible.
But you're not gonna know for sure till you get out there
and test yourself.
-Like tonight with… -Kathy.
You still have the magic. You will make it happen.
But then again, if you don't
at least you'll know.
He's here!
Jessie, just…
What time will you be home?
Not too late.
Kathy, I told you I couldn't stay late.
Al's been into a lot of tension at work lately and he can't sleep without me.
One o'clock.
No, Kathy, 12.
And 11:30 would be even better.
He is talking to himself.
I can't do this. It's totally ridiculous.
He's leaving.
He is leaving.
Come on.
He's coming back!
He is coming back.
Will you two please come in here?
Congratulations, Mr. regional sales manager.
It could have happened to anybody.
But it didn't.
Well, this is nice.
Thanks. We like it.
I mean, my friends all think it's good.
Are you ready?
Yeah, this is a big night.
Then we should go.
You haven't wasted any time. New job, new car… You're a lucky guy.
There are no dents in the car, don't play with the radio
and the seat is exactly the way I like it.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
-Enjoy your meal. -Thank you.
This place is impossible to get into. How did you get the reservations?
This is my town.
I wanted to change my order.
The lady will take the Caesar salad?
Oh, no, there is garlic in it, doesn't it?
Yes, it's our specialty. You'll love it.
No, I'll just have a plain green salad with oil and vinegar and salt.
Very good.
The most considerate date I've ever had.
-Well, David Morgan. -Hi.
-It's been months. -Yeah.
Eat shit.
I was going to have the __ chop.
What did you do to her?
Why do women always assume it is the man?
The story is that she has a lot of emotional problems with her father.
And takes that on every guy that's ever nice to her.
Sad.
-You okay? -Great.
Excuse me, where is the guy?
What guy?
The guy who parks the cars.
We don't have anyone parking cars.
But… You don't have any…
No valet parking. Sorry.
How awful!
I actually tipped him.
I gave the guy car and gas money.
Are you okay?
No, you're not okay. What can I do?
I lost a car.
You lose a leg or a vital organ.
People die. There's floods and earthquakes.
It's just… I don't know, I've really had an awful day.
What about your promotion?
That's true.
And you're handling this very well.
Really?
Even the police thought you were very together.
What am I supposed to do?
__ restaurant I wouldn't prank.
You can prank in front of me.
Maybe later. After you've seen my strongest side.
You know, in a way losing your car
has given us a chance to go through something so awful together
that I feel lucky to have gone through it with you.
-You know what I mean? -Yeah, absolutely.
I feel closer to you too. I do.
-Do you still wanna see a movie? -No.
There is a new club on 3rd. Do you like jazz?
Jazz? No. I can't.
I can take jazz for about 4 minutes. On a record while talking to someone.
Some friends of mine are having a party. Would you like to go?
-Friends? -Yeah, I'd love you to meet them.
No, not tonight.
Normally I would really love to meet friends but…
I just don't think it's a good idea to go back to your place.
It's not you.
It's everything that's happened in my life up to now.
I understand that.
-You do? -Sure.
Well, __ to your place.
Okay. Whatever.
It's fine. Whatever you want.
Are you having a problem with your keys?
No, it's just that the new key is a little stiff.
When we get inside, could you just hung out here for a couple of seconds?
Why?
In case the apartment is messy.
You don't remember what it was like when you left?
No, I don't.
No, really. I wanna make a good first impression.
It's too late for first impressions.
No, that's not true.
It's never too late for first impressions.
You can have first impressions for years.
-David. -Come on in.
-Is it safe? -Yeah.
The cleaning lady was here. I forgot. So it's all fine.
Yes. There you go.
Those little __ make a big difference.
So what do you think?
Well, I don't know. It's really…
Different.
-I like it. -You do?
Especially its strong use of Rome.
I'm sorry. I'm just a little surprised.
-Why? -I don't know.
You obviously spent a lot of time putting this place together.
I guess
I'm impressed.
Thank you.
You've got to have a place to feel at home.
Somewhere that
seems just real.
Because having empty feelings __
Close the door.
Come on in and I'll just get rid of the mail.
Okay.
Okay, so, I'm back.
The academy __
It's very impressive, it really is. All the little pieces!
Actually it's an exact replica of the B-52 bomber
that my father flew in World War II.
Really!
Be careful, it's like 350 pieces.
Oh, my god. I'm so sorry.
No, it's okay. It's just a thing.
Maybe I can help you put it back together.
Why did I touch it?
I am so clumsy. I can't believe it.
I'm sick!
It's nothing. I don't care about this.
I'm glad it broke
because it's relaxing to put it together again.
Please.
Really! I was going to break it myself over the week.
This is a slow week.
What?
-Thanks. -For what?
For not making me feel like I am a mess in everything.
Do you wanna see the rest of the apartment?
Yeah, a little tour would be nice.
This is the kitchen in there.
And this is the living-room.
Still kind of working on it.
And this is the bathroom in here.
Kathy, the bathroom is here.
As you can see I went with paper.
And this is the bedroom.
I've seen some of these before.
Did you know that statistically speaking the bedroom is the safest room in the house?
You can watch television. I have cable, MTV, tapes…
I think Americans watch too much TV, don't you?
I am not remotely obsessed with television at all.
I could __ watch something.
What does that B.G. mean?
B.G. is a nickname from college.
Big Guy.
Actually that's a gift from our graduation.
What is the significance of the squiggle?
The squiggle was just…
Actually, I never asked what that squiggle was.
I was just so honored.
The bed, by the way, is the world's most comfortable bed.
Even if you're not gonna try it now I would suggest that
you come back when I'm not here and take a nap. Because…
It looks really comfortable.
It's just that everybody goes out
and then comes back and lies down.
And I was just hoping we could be different.
I know what you mean.
I think that you don't wanna be too different.
In the same respect that becomes __ trap
trying to not do…
-You know what I would like right now? -What would you like?
A drink.
A drink?
Sometimes when you go to a man's apartment they give you a drink.
You've been to other men's apartments?
And they offer you drinks?
Sometimes they even force them on me.
Hoping I get drunk so they can take advantage of me.
What kind of liquor was these seduc— bastards were using?
I don't know. I like banana daiquiris.
You like banana daiquiris.
They get me in a lot of trouble.
How much trouble does wine get you into?
Wine's good.
If I stay awake I get in trouble.
Sometimes I was __
Why don't you just
take off all your clothes and I'll be right back, okay?
David, can I help?
No, I got it.
Good. I'll just wait out here then.
Good. Cause I'd like to get one privately.
Have you read all these books?
Books?
Yeah. Well, a lot of them. I like reading.
Who's Bruce?
Bruise?
His name is in all your books.
Ah, Bruce. He was a neighbor of mine.
He had to leave town suddenly so I bought his books.
-So these are his books? -No, they're my books now.
And someday they'll be my kid's books.
Kids? Do you have kids?
No, I don't mean I have kids.
When I get my life together, I mean.
Your life seems pretty together right now.
You can't ever have your life too together.
-What about you? -Me?
Yeah, do you ever think about kids?
Yeah, all the time.
I mean, I have to.
Because I'm a woman and there is this child
who I was just talking to my sister about
__…
Do you know a lot about wine?
Wine? No. Just that it comes and goes.
Buyed this kind of gentle rosette __ and I think you'll like.
Must be pretty good.
But you're one of those wine experts, right?
No, not really.
But there is nothing like a good California wine though.
Wait a second.
This lighting is wrong. Will you sit down for a second?
I think that half the fun of drinking wine is in presentation.
And this mood is not what should be here.
-What do you think? -We might get a little dizzy.
Yeah, I agree.
How's that?
I think that's a little too much mood.
Too much?
That's good.
We're back to where we started. Isn't that better?
-Do you play the piano? -I play a little.
-Would you play something for me? -No.
Oh, please. I think it's so sexy.
All right, I'll play.
This is actually background music for my Montgomery Clift impersonation.
-Do you still wanna hear it? -Yes.
I met Kathy at an outdoor café but because it was raining we ate indoors.
What is wrong with that?
As she looked at me I said to her:
"Why do you stare at me? Am I to be stared at?"
Who was that?
Montgomery Clift.
I'm not sure who that is but it was very, very good.
Thank you.
I wanna make a toast.
To the woman sitting beside my right.
May we find a thousand ways to get even closer.
To David. In the hope that you understand.
Understand what?
Just like it takes grapes a lot of time to become wine…
Oh, right. I understand.
What do you understand?
That just like it takes grapes a long time
that you can't rush a grape.
I mean, you can but you'll regret it.
David.
Come on.
I don't want to break the mood. My leg is starting to cramp.
So you __
I think we should take a break for a moment.
Are you okay?
Yeah. I just __ cramp always hunts me when I rush into things.
Is there anything I can do?
Yeah. You can talk to me a little.
Talk? You mean, like "more talk".
What if I massage you?
You're not one of those guys who're afraid to talk about things, are you?
No, I like to talk.
It's just that we've talked a lot, I think.
So, you would rather not talk.
Honestly?
Yes. This is the time to be totally honest.
If we're to be totally honest here I would say that I think
that we have to be more relaxed
More spontaneous.
A little more active fun here.
So if this were up to me
I would rather communicate with body language now
and talk later.
I'd like to make you happy because that's the kind of person I am.
__
I feel I need to talk a little more.
Then we shall talk.
So, why don't you start?
Me, start?
It's okay. I will start.
So, tell me…
What are you doing?
Oh, no. Don't. What is that?
Ten things you should know about a man
before you go to bed with him. Are you ready?
A quiz? You're kidding me.
I saw this in a magazine I thought "he'll love this"
What if I fail?
Will you have a little confidence on yourself?
I don't do well on tests. I really don't.
I'm sorry if you think I'm being difficult.
It's just that I think we could have something really special here.
If we just take our time getting to know each other.
Like for example, I think you think I am sweeter than I am.
No.
You don't?
I think you're sweet. I wouldn't say you're too sweet.
I just don't __ another mistake involved with the wrong guy
and Sheila Kramer is one of my best friends.
You mean, Sheila Kramer who knew from the very beginning
that I wasn't interested in a serious relationship?
The Sheila Kramer who I bought __ flowers for her birthday
even after we broke up and she was going out with a carpenter?
that Sheila Kramer?
-How is she? -She's fine.
So is because of Sheila that you want to do this quiz there?
Look, David,
if we just hang out a little and have a good time
and don't get on anything too heavy
and you take me home and tell me that you will call me on Monday
and then I never hear from you again,
I feel bad, I feel sad.
But in a couple of days I bounce back
and in a few weeks I think of you "this guy was really hot" __
but if we start making out
and we're making each other feel really good and suddenly we're naked
—I know that I'm really good in bed— and __ no matter what __
I guess what I'm saying is that I could fall for a guy like you
and I just wanna make sure that you really are a guy like you.
I am exactly a guy like me.
I just don't wanna be in a restaurant six months from now
thinking of stabbing you in the throat with a fork.
Listen, I'm not against talking. Let's talk.
It's just that I am so much free with my body
when I really, really know somebody.
Then let's really, really get to know each other.
Ask me anything. What do you wanna know?
I don't know.
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Like what?
I don't know.
Is there anything you want to tell me?
No.
Just as long as we can look each other straight in the eye
and know we've been totally honest with each other,
that's fine.
I agree. I think that's the most important thing.
Ask me something.
Where are you going?
Do you want some ice-cream?
Sure.
-Ask me anything. -Anything?
What sort do you like?
Pick something for me. I trust you. Ready?
-Is chocolate okay? -Fine.
How many women have you slept with?
How many women?
Don't try to impress me.
What would impress you?
The truth!
The truth?
54
54?
Like you know exactly how many?
Yes, I do.
That's a lot of women.
Is it too high?
All right. Is 11 better?
This is a big 25 point loss.
For what?
Unwilling to take the game seriously.
I can't help it.
This tells me a lot about you.
This is too much pressure.
Okay. Seriously,
if you could only be one or the other,
would you rather be a giver or a taker?
Generous during foreplay?
I would have to say that I'm a very generous giver.
Very.
I might even say, sort of a sexual Santa Claus.
-Your turn. -My turn?
-Have you ever had sex with a corpse? -Come on.
-That's a legitimate question. -Really?
Cause if you have
I would have to say you're out of here.
Don't you wanna know anything
about the inner workings of the woman you wanna sleep with?
Yes, I do.
-Do you "fur piece"? -Do I what?
Oh, no. Do you?
No, I don't.
So do you wanna talk about it?
Talk about what?
What we haven't been talking about. The big question of the day.
You're safe with me.
-I am? -Yes.
I have a triple A rating.
You could eat off me.
I probably will.
How about you? You look a little tired.
Okay, let's do this: We'll go have a blood test,
come back here in a year and then, if everything is okay…
We can continue talking.
What! What did I say?
Going somewhere?
Then let's go to bed.
Let's just do it. It'll be great.
Not yet.
-Not yet? When? -Soon.
-Soon, when? -Soon as I feel safe.
I'm just not the kind of girl who is good at casual sex on one-night stands.
Casual sex? What are you talking about?
This is my best suit.
I just need to feel that there is some future in a relationship before I…
Have you ever heard of the word "commitment"?
Not that I want one. I just want a semi-commitment. Even if it doesn't mean anything.
Alright. I knew that it would come to this.
You want a semi-commitment?
I'll show you a semi-commitment.
What's your phone number?
-You know my phone number. -I know your phone number.
There.
Is that enough of a commitment for you? I just wrote on a wall.
How many other guys have done that for you?
You probably paint that wall every week.
Hello.
-Are you okay? -Yes.
When I came back here tonight I thought it was gonna be easier.
But it's not easy, is it?
I just was hoping that we could really get to know each other on everything.
You can't get to know everything. No matter how many quizzes you take.
To really get to know somebody you have to spend time.
You have to make dinner and have the flu together.
Leave the bathroom door open.
I know. I guess I just wanna make sure that we will spend some time together.
Otherwise life begins to feel like an audition.
You're auditioning too, right?
One second. Can I use your bathroom?
This is it?
You are gonna be so happy.
So. How come you have so many bottles of Maalox?
For nights like this.
What is this? A special kind of sweater for women who like to prolong foreplay?
Just rip it off.
Are you serous? Well, rip it neatly.
I thought you had naturally big shoulders
I don't know, maybe it's not funny.
Would you like to use some music?
I know it sounds kind of crazy but I have a hard time making love to music.
I keep wanting to sing along.
I understand.
How about the light?
I like it go with no light but when there's no light
I sometimes feel the other person is maybe thinking of someone else.
Are you sure __
I don't care about my shirt. I want this night to be perfect.
You don t think that if we try for perfection we may be a little disappointed?
But if we think this could be, let's say, a little above average
we could be pleasantly surprised.
I __ to have a little tricky for me.
I tend to get right up there in that perfect range whether I try to or not.
It's in the front.
__
-Did I throw it out the window? -Yeah.
I can't believe that, I'm sorry.
It's okay. I won't be needing it for another 5 years.
-Do you need these? -No.
What do you think they're thinking down there?
Probably that it's the start some horrible underwear storm.
David, let me in.
Let me look for a second.
Come on, I'm shy.
Don't be shy. I'm not gonna ask you to dance.
Show me what you've got.
I feel a little puffy and I haven't been to the gym.
I think this whole physical fitness thing has gotten out of control.
All right, David, What if you get out of bed,
then we'll both stand here naked and point out a few things to each other.
Okay. Come on to bed.
You have a great body.
My breasts are too big and my thighs are bad.
I like your breasts.
We __
Sorry. I like them. I can't help myself.
Are you okay?
David.
-David, you're leaning on my hair. -Sorry.
Kathy, I have a thing about my ears.
I use them for hearing.
You don't like that?
It was wonderful but I just hated it.
I'm sorry.
No, it's me.
Anyone else would have been incredibly turned on by that.
I wanted to make you happy.
You did. Everywhere. Except in the ear area.
The rest of my body is __
You seem happy.
How are you doing?
I'm very happy too.
Just a second.
I have a present for you.
Can't wait?
No, you want to use it right away.
Actually…
Great.
So we have a choice.
This is new improved supersafe, non-slip, unbreakable
sheep gut.
Special receptacle end.
For me that could be very important.
Do you have a preference?
No.
Do you wanna put it on?
No, you wear it.
-Have we rushed the grape here? -No.
David,
-I'm banging. -I know.
-No, it's my head. -Your head?
Could we stop?
It's okay, it's not your fault. I just must stop so I don't lose my motor skills.
David, do you smell something burning?
Burning?
Are you okay?
You were great.
I don't like to mention another men in bed
but you, you're like Superman.
I felt so good.
I always forget how good it is.
I guess it's nice in a way __ do it every minute of every day.
Crazy thing you'd like to do it again right now.
This is nice.
-Isn't this nice? -Yeah, it's great.
What are you thinking about?
Double digit unemployment.
How do they get those figures for that?
Do they phone you up? Knock on your door?
Why are you thinking about this?
Because it's nice to have a job.
You get to go to dinner
and then back to a wonderful apartment like this.
Spend the night making love to someone as fantastic as you.
You work hard and for what?
Nights like this.
-Extra worth it, right? -I guess.
Tonight was worth it.
-Really? -Yeah.
Just "yeah".
Not just "yes", just great.
"Just great"
I'll tell you something that very few friends know about me.
I have used the word "great" 5 other times in my life.
3 of those times were sporting events.
So you've had a couple of other good nights.
But not like this.
Great is right here. Tonight is right here.
I have to go on record
and say that tonight was the best sex I've ever had.
I have never understood how men can say things like that.
Like what?
Like "it's the best sex I've ever had"
It's because they're men.
And men like to say large manly statements.
The second greatest sex you've ever had?
Was she great? Did she do things I ever heard about?
Well, I was alone, so…
What about you?
Do you mean did I climax?
A little.
A little?
It was small but significant.
But small.
With a new lover I've never had those type A orgasms __
You didn't have the good kind tonight?
All good. It's just that some are of the explosive kind and some hum.
So you were just humming.
Know nothing about women's bodies.
Humming is deeper and more satisfying than exploding.
Tonight I just exploded a little.
I think that sex is very overrated.
If you think about how long it takes __ orgasm.
and then you add up all those times throughout an entire lifetime
you're probably talking about 15, 20 minutes max.
I'll hum the next time.
A whole symphony.
Here is the game plan.
We continue to cuddle for a while and then afterward through praising each other
we gradually drift off to sleep.
Tomorrow morning wake up…
Tomorrow? I can't.
I can praise and cuddle for a while but I can't spend the night.
You mean this night?
I have plans in the morning really early.
We can be naked again together.
Forget it.
Hi. It's not me, it's a machine.
Or maybe it is me.
Leave a message and I'll call you back.
Hey, pal, it's Jerry. You there?
Looking for David. I though he might be there.
shitty form.
I can't believe those sun-glass-bastards fired him.
The world is so fucked up. Unbelievable.
Tell him to call me. Bye.
I didn't say anything cause I don't want you to feel bad.
I'll tell you something that nobody knows.
Sunglasses is one of the most cutthroat businesses in the whole world.
Sorry, David, I'm sorry that you had such a bad day.
Are you gonna be okay? Because…
Yeah, I'm fine.
Because if you're not okay I might be able to arrange to stay for a while.
You should only stay if you really want to though.
But I want to.
-Can I use your phone? -Sure.
-Can I use the one in the other room? -Sure.
I'll be back and I'm gonna take care of you.
Hi, Nancy.
Why do you assume that just because I'm calling I'm gonna take advantage of you?
Is Jessie asleep?
Nancy, please.
We'll let her just jump up the stairs like a bunny one time
and then she has to go to bed.
I have to ask a big favor, a big one.
I just need like another hour or two.
Great, Nancy! No, I can't talk about it now.
I just can't do it right now.
Thank you so much. I will never forget you for this.
Careful.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Sure. I'm here for you to talk to.
Who jumps up the stairs like a bunny?
Were you listening?
No, it was totally __ question.
You were listening.
No. But I heard.
Believe me, I wasn't trying to but I did hear.
What about this Jessie.
I know what you're thinking.
You think that Jessie is this guy I'm hiding from you.
You go out with a guy who jumps the stairs like a bunny?
Here it is:
Jessie is this little girl I know.
And is this little girl's mother one of those sneaky cigarette smokers?
-Why didn't you tell me? -I don't know.
I didn't know we were going to get this close this fast
and I wanted to and I've been trying to
but I guess I haven't done __ job of it, have I?
telling me about your daughter?
No, I would say you haven't.
I'm sorry, okay? I withheld a little information.
Some men are scared of a woman with children.
I'm not one of those men.
A woman with a child can be a very scary thing.
You'd like her.
That's not the point. You should have told me.
You weren't fair.
I wanted you, not the family.
I guess I'd better go.
If you didn't tell me about the kid who knows what else I don't know?
Could you __ the other way, please?
Give me that, would you?
Kathy, a few minutes ago we were just—
Don't remind me.
I knew this would happen.
I shouldn't have come back here.
This is exactly what I was afraid of.
You give yourself to __ and you let them have something that's precious
I knew you'd find some excuse. Jessie would be something else.
Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?
-A what? -A self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like you predict something is gonna happen
and then you make sure that the same thing—
I know what it is.
People do that. They create situations.
No, David. I wanted this to work.
More than you know. Probably too much.
I wanted this to be the start of a…
But you didn't, did you?
You have to admit it. I'm starting to understand now.
This was something entirely different for you, wasn't it?
What are you saying?
I'm saying this night is a success for you, isn't it?
Don't do that. Don't pull that old thing on me.
I didn't seduce you. This wasn't just about sex for me.
What do you call it?
That's bullshit, Kathy. Don't turn this thing around.
Because I have been totally straight with you.
I'm not the one who said "let's be open and honest"
and secretly harbored a minor.
Maybe not.
But you are harboring something, aren't you?
Bruce?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about this Bruce stuff.
Bruce, I already told you about Bruce.
No, you didn't.
Who is that voice on the answering machine?
And this trophy?
"Bruce Gaynor, numero uno, 1983-84"
Did you feel the need to buy his trophies too?
And all these letters, every one of them,
to Bruce Gaynor at this address.
David, are you gay or are you schizophrenic?
No.
Did I just make love with a bisexual man…
No, you didn't.
…who is sharing his apartment with a man named Bruce?
Because if I did I could have a big problem.
I am not gay and I'm not schizophrenic.
-This is Bruce's apartment, isn't it? -What are you saying?
-You don't live here, do you? -Are you kidding?
We're in Bruce's apartment because yours wasn't good enough.
Or maybe you live with somebody. Is that it?
That's a good one. I'd kill to have your imagination.
David, do me a favor, do us both a favor.
Tell me the truth.
Look, I bought this place from a guy named Bruce
and he hasn't moved all his letters out yet.
And these are my parents who are old and sick
and I love them.
-Those are your parents? -Yes. Frank and Beverly.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
It's okay, don't worry.
You're a little suspicious.
Because you hide things then you think others do too.
You're right. I'm sorry.
I guess I am that kind of person.
Oh, I'm sorry.
-Is this apartment 305? -No, it isn't.
What apartment are you looking for?
I'm in the wrong house.
I don't know how my key worked in your door
because that should not happen.
so I'll speak to security as soon as I can.
You must be Bruce.
-Bruce? -Yes. I'm Kathy.
I can't help but feel that I almost know you.
Me? There must be a mistake.
Come in.
You know David and his parents, Frank and Beverly.
I'm shit.
I'm the lowest form of shit.
Spit on me, degrade me, do whatever you wanna do.
I deserve it.
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
I was sitting in this bar across the street
and I could have sworn I saw my car drive by
so I figured you left and I…
Your car?
I think you and David have a few things to talk over.
So, I'm just gonna head home.
Thanks for everything.
It wouldn't have been the same without you.
Listen, I want to drive you home.
-Oh, you do? -Yeah.
This should be interesting. Care to come along?
-What is going on here? -Nothing, don't worry about it.
-What's wrong with her? -Nothing's wrong with her.
Why did she write her name on my wall?
What kind of person writes the name on somebody's wall?
I'm sorry.
But I'll be back and I'll fix everything.
What does that mean?
Kathy, wait a second.
If I had had the year that I though I was gonna have
I was planning of getting a place exactly like that.
And as soon as I close __
You said they were your parents.
Could be.
My mother looked so much like his mother it's frightening.
You said they were old and sick like they were dying.
We're all dying. From the minute we're born.
If I didn't really like you
would I have gone to all that trouble to impress you?
Excuse me, where am I?
Schiff's coffee shop.
-Where is that? -3rd in Cresson.
How soon can you get a cab here?
That's a big time span between 10 minutes and half an hour.
Yes, I want you.
Do you want a donut, sweetheart?
Do you know what really hurts?
Not only did you make me feel terrible about having a child and not mentioning it.
You made me think I was the only liar in the room.
So, you lied. I lied.
Daters are liars, what do you want?
Do you know what I want?
What I really want?
I want to take back the sex.
I know that you're not gonna believe this.
Is it about your parents?
When I saw you go out that door I thought my heart actually hurt.
-Why? -Because I like you.
Because I've never met anybody that makes me feel like this.
Stop. This is… It's too late for this kind of stuff.
This isn't stuff. I really like you.
Stop anyway. It's not making me feel any better.
I feel like I'm never gonna see you again.
It's like the cab is gonna come and take you off to Alaska.
No, just home to my daughter.
I don't have anything against children, Kathy.
I just don't know any.
I used to when I was a kid but…
I'm sorry.
I was afraid to tell you the truth.
When I started lying I didn't know how to stop
because I didn't think you would like the real me.
I guess we'll never know now.
I'm a guy who lost his job, who lives in this dumpy little apartment,
I drive a car that's always in the shop.
Did you think I was so small that's all I care about?
No, I thought you were so special that you deserved better.
If the next 5 guys that you go out with
are worse than me, will you give me a call?
No, I don't think so.
That's honest.
Oh, my god. Isn't that…?
That's Bruce's car.
-Hey you—! -No. Over here.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
SWAT team could be handy at a time like this.
There's a phone.
We don't have time to call the police.
-We don't? -No.
Wait here.
-No, David, don't! -All right.
Oh, look, he's leaving.
I hate moments like this
because if I don't do anything then I'm a coward
and if I try to get the car back I could die.
What would you do?
I don't know.
I would probably try to get the car back.
All right.
Then I think you should.
This has really been a bad day.
That's your chance to turn it around.
This could be the last really dumb thing I ever do in my life
and it would really help me to know before I go in there
that you forgive me.
Let me think about it while you're gone.
You're done with dinner already?
Drop the snickers and give me back the keys.
I didn't mean to see you.
-Did you play with the radio? -Yeah. But I didn't reset the buttons.
Thank you.
Now give me back the tip.
Come on, honey.
-What's going on here? -Nothing. Come on.
This isn't your car, is it?
This guy is a friend of mine. He's in trouble.
So I'm gonna help him now.
We're going dancing?
Do you want a ride?
Bruce's?
No.
Come up with me.
-Do I have to? -Yes.
It's time to make everything right.
How do you know there aren't rats back here?
What do you mean? You think there are rats back here?
I don't know. Possibly.
Get off me! Get off my leg!
You dirty rat! Furry scoundrel!
Ta da!
Jesus!
What are you doing?
Me! What are you doing?
We're just getting our underwear living.
I know how to use this.
I'm friends with the guy in apartment 405.
Apartment 405 isn't anywhere around here, buddy.
Bruce!
Bruce, are you there?
What is it? I'm coming.
-Kathy, is that you? -Yes.
Bruce, tell this woman who we are.
Kathy, I just got off the phone with your sister.
-My sister? -Yeah.
I kept looking at the number on the wall so maybe you were telling me to call you.
You called my girlfriend?
Your girlfriend?
You guys were fighting so I didn't know what was going on.
So what's going on?
We found your car!
You found my car? What does that mean?
Bruce, your car was stolen
earlier by a very tough guy.
My car was stolen?
Don't worry, we got it back.
David did.
Bruce, tell this woman who I am.
Please, Bruce.
I'm gonna stop by your apartment tomorrow and I'll fix the planes, okay?
I spent most of my childhood putting those planes together.
Well, I have time. I'm unemployed.
-Bruce? -Susan.
-Is this guy a friend of yours or what? -No, he's not.
Yes, he is. He's a friend of mine.
He's my best friend.
Well, tell him just to get the hell out of here now.
Hey, get the hell out of here.
Okay. We're going.
-Bruce. -Susan.
-What are you doing? -Nothing.
You want some company?
Yeah.
I'll be right down.
Do you wanna go and try to find your __?
No. They weren't really me.
I kind of liked them.
-You did? -No.
I was saving this for the right moment.
Which obviously __
That's for you.
The first time I saw you I said to myself:
"Ray-Ban 237s with double gradient lenses"
I can't tell you how many times I've seen
the right pair of sunglasses change someone's life.
I wished that we could do this whole date over again.
-You do? -Yeah.
Me too.
-You do? -Yeah.
-Hi. -Hi.
Congratulations, Mr. regional sales manager.
Well, thank you.
But I didn't get the promotion. In fact I got fired.
I'm sorry.
I think some unemployed men are really great.
There's something that I haven't told you.
What?
I have a daughter.
You do?
Great. I was hoping that you did.
-How old is she? -Seven.
Seven.
So I guess they are like walking and talking by seven.
-Would you like to meet her? -Yeah.
Jessie, come here.
-Hi, I'm David. -Hi, I'm Jessica.
-Is this really your daughter? -Yes.
So.
Are you ready?
Yeah, I think so.
Then come in.
♪ As we stroll along together ♪
♪ Holding hands walking all along ♪
♪ So in love are we two ♪
♪ That we don't know what to do ♪
♪ So in love (do so in love) ♪
♪ In a world of our own (do so in love) ♪
♪ As we stroll by the sea together ♪
♪ Under stars twinkling high above ♪
♪ So in love are we two ♪
♪ No one else but me and you ♪
♪ So in love (do so in love) ♪
♪ So much in love (do so in love) ♪
♪ So in love (do so in love) ♪
♪ So much in love (do so in love) ♪
♪ We stroll along together ♪
♪ I tell you, I need you oh so much ♪
♪ I love, love you my darling ♪
♪ Can you tell it in my touch ♪
♪ When we walk down the aisle together ♪
♪ We will vow to be together till we die ♪
♪ So much love have we two ♪
♪ Just can't wait to say I do ♪
♪ So in love (do so in love) ♪
♪ Are you and I ♪
♪ So in love ♪