THEME SONG: We never thought we'd
find a place where we belong.
Don't have to stand alone, we'll never let you fall.
Don't need permission to decide what to believe.
You're gonna learn something when we meet you after school.
I said jump, down on Jump Street.
Your friends will be there when your back is to the wall.
You'll find you'll need us 'cause there's no one else
to call.
When it feels hopeless, a decision's what you need.
You'd be ready 'cause you're running outta time.
I said jump, 21 Jump Street.
[papers rustling]
-Speeding right along, apparently somebody
is trying to relocate South Central High School one
room at a time.
Last night was the fourth B&E in the same amount of months.
No forced entry, no busted windows.
Burglary says it smacks of an inside gig.
Like one kid gets a set of master keys, the next thing,
half the school's drinking free sodas.
And on top of that, some teacher's
getting free roses from some secret admirer.
Here, check it out, Hanson, before the kids
walk into an empty school house.
-Got any suspects?
-Got a couple.
My best bet is a guy named Jeffrey Stone.
Sales everything from hot records
to tickets to The Boss's concerts.
Third row, center.
-How do I get close?
-I don't know.
Ask him to a rock concert, I guess.
Anything else?
-[CLEARS THROAT] Jenk, uh, could you clear me on a couple extra
hours at lunch?
You know, I got that physical exam today.
-Hey, terrific, Harry.
So you're taking your sergeant's exam.
Sergeant HT Ioki.
Hey, I can dig it, man.
Study hard and fast, Harry.
And good luck.
[car tires screeching]
-Terrific.
No jack.
Yo!
Flat tire.
Hey, uh, flat tire.
Will anyone stop for me here?
[car horn honking]
-Hi.
-Looks like you could use some help.
-Yeah, I could.
My tire's flat.
-Only on the bottom.
-You wouldn't happen to have a jack, would ya?
-Well, I know a Jack, but I don't have a jack.
Big guy, dark hair, eats with his fingers, lousy dancer.
-Different jack.
-Lucky you.
Here..
Welcome to the '80s.
-Thanks.
-You're welcome.
There should be enough left in there to fill up the bottom.
-Give my regards to Jack.
-Oh, I can't.
I don't see him anymore.
-Well then, can I make this up to you?
-What do you have in mind?
-Oh, I dunno.
Uh, at least let me offer to fix your next flat.
And who knows, lunch, house in the suburbs,
possibly a kid when we're ready.
-I'm not planning on having one any time soon.
-A kid or a flat?
-Both.
No jack.
-Are you taking applications?
-[LAUGHING] Have another flat and I'll let you know.
Susan Chadwick.
I'm in the book under "auto repair."
[car engine starting]
ALBERT: Weintraub wants to see you.
-That's a hot tip.
And to think that some people think you're an idiot.
It's nice work, Albert.
What's this, from your post-tardo period?
-You punks, all you do is make work for me.
And don't you call me Albert.
-That's right, it's Janowitz.
That's Polish for "janitor," right?
You still want it?
Want what?
-The compact disc player, Mr. Janitor.
I only got two of them left.
They're very chic.
They make for a great gift item if you
want to impress your girlfriend.
That is, if you have a girlfriend.
Relax.
I'll give it to mine.
Have a nice day.
PRINCIPAL WEINTRAUB: Any idea who the artist is, Jeffrey?
JEFFREY: The graffiti art is all the rage now, sir.
Guy in New York who sells this crap by the ton.
Personally, I'm a performance artist.
You know, hanging upside down with a hammer
in my mouth over dried ice?
Sorry.
And oh, for hall pass, I, uh hate
to miss Chadwick's English class.
-No, Stone.
This morning, let's change the routine a little.
Sit down.
How're you spending your time at nights, Stone?
You working?
Neither one of your first two period teachers
can remember the last time they saw you in class.
-It's hard for a night person to work days.
-What do you do at night?
-Same thing as anybody else.
I just do it a little longer.
-Miss Chadwick found this rose on her desk this morning.
Coincidentally, the school was burglarized again last night.
-Try Merlin Olsen.
Maybe an FTD cupid's gone bad.
-You're a smart kid, Stone.
Don't screw up your life over a few kicks.
-Look, man, if you're accusing me of something,
have me arrested.
Otherwise, you're depriving me of an education.
-You want some excitement in your life?
Why don't you try out for the basketball team?
Oh, your brother loved it.
-Did him a lot of good.
Maybe I can get lost in Cambodia, too.
Zero hero, man.
FEMALE TEACHER: And his imagery and rhythms
are still considered today some of the most
urgent in contemporary poetry.
So take a few minutes now to read this short work,
and read it a couple of times, paying specific attention
to his layers of imagery, and how those images collectively
build to their own inner conclusions.
-Don't you think you should've called first?
I mean, this is a little,uh--
-Embarrassing?
I'll say.
Looks like I'm, uh, sort of in your class.
-Oh, listen--
-Hey, it's OK.
You don't have to say a thing.
Forget about it.
I mean, uh, I'm just to guy with a flat tire,
and you've got a class to teach, so.
-So, uh, yeah.
Um, class, this is Tom Gilmore.
He's a new student here.
Tom, I'm Miss Chadwick.
-Pleased to meet you, Miss Chadwick.
-OK, so here you go.
And help yourself to any available seat.
-Sorry Miss Chadwick.
It's these aliens.
You know, you can't rely on them for anything.
They, uh-- they were supposed to have me
back on Earth in time for class, but it,
uh, it took a while to unhook the life support system.
[ROBOTIC VOICE] How are you?
MISS CHADWICK: Thank you, Jeffrey.
I'm sure we're all very amused.
But now I wonder, can we try and hold an English class?
Let's read the poem, and we'll discuss it
at 10 minutes past the hour.
-Psst.
Van Halen dude.
Absolutely live, absolutely the last two tickets.
-Where'd you get them, man?
I've been looking all over town.
-Don't grab, Wayne.
We are a civilized people.
If you want them, they're yours.
80 bucks.
-Can you front me?
-Ha ha ha.
Front you?
Van Halen, dude.
-I'll take them, 70 bucks right now.
-75.
-70 bucks.
-Man knows his music, Wayne.
This is an English class, not an auction.
-I, uh, I heard the good news, Miss Chadwick.
-What good news is that, Jeffrey?
-That you've got a secret admirer.
[class ooo's]
-Someone brought you flowers last night, Miss Chadwick?
-Hey.
Hey, negotiator, you still want them for 70?
-Well, 60 now.
Market gets soft after the bell rings, you know?
-Don't try to out-gun a gunner, ace.
Merry Christmas.
-Free?
Why?
-This way, I win.
Anyway, it's kind of like how a bank gives away free toasters--
you know, new customers and all.
So what, you got a girlfriend?
-Maybe.
-I got a compact disc player.
Makes for a great gift item.
-Yeah, no thanks.
My girlfriend thinks I'm a great gift item.
-Uh, Zeno's tonight.
7, right?
I'll buy you a drink.
-What's the matter, doesn't a hot shot like you
have any friends?
-Depends on what they're selling for.
If, uh, you need an ID, like I said,
I got a department that handles that, too.
Most of these other jerks around here,
they're just waiting for the prom.
You need someone to show you around
before you end up buying the dog a corsage.
Later.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Kids have had crushes on their teachers
since the beginning of time.
It's nothing to worry about.
Oh, up a few more inches on your side, Albert.
Perfect.
-This is more than just a crush, Kathryn.
I can see it in his eyes.
And that burglary last night and the rose on my desk?
-Susan, your class is the only one
that Jeffrey attends with any regularity.
If I take him out now, I'm afraid he'll just
stop coming to school.
I like Jeffrey.
He's a bright kid.
I had him as a sophomore.
His folks split up that year.
Took it pretty hard.
Mm, too bad Kyle isn't here.
He'd have been a real good influence.
Handsome boy, very popular.
You'd have liked him.
All-American, wasn't he, Albert?
-Yes, ma'am.
Basketball state champions my senior year.
-Come on, Susan.
Didn't you ever have a crush on a teacher?
-Mine was Mr. Peterson.
Eighth grade biology.
-Lucky guy.
See you in the morning.
-Yeah, thanks.
-No disrespect to Miss Lezar, but he wasn't such a hot shot.
Stone's older brother, Kyle.
Believe me.
And all mouth, both of them.
Must be hereditary.
That little punk gives you any more trouble, I'll handle it.
-Hi.
-Got something for you.
I wouldn't want to owe you when it comes to midterms, you know?
-OK, so we're even.
And listen, thanks a lot for-- you know.
Could've been real embarrassing for me.
I came on pretty hard, and, uh, I'm a teacher.
-Yes, ma'am.
And I'm just a kid in your class with a flat tire.
-Yup, I guess you are.
-See you later, Miss Chadwick.
-You know, I didn't figure you for a Van Halen fan.
-Yeah, and I didn't figure you for a teacher, either.
-Good-bye.
TOM: Good-bye.
[channels changing]
-Looking for something?
Or, uh, you just want to see if the thing works?
Have you got any money?
-Yeah.
Why, did you spend all yours on replacing pajamas?
-No, wiseacre.
I'm going to be out of town all next week,
and I thought you might get hungry.
-Look, you kids don't wait up for me.
Remember, tomorrow's a school day.
-Where are you going?
-Out.
-Where's out?
-Not in.
[club music playing]
-Nice place, terrific service.
I bet the escargot is excellent.
-You want friendly?
Go to Pizza Hut.
-Whoa.
Bizarre seats at the U2 concert.
Jeffrey, I'm a happy girl.
Who's your friend?
-Karla, like, I'm happy you're happy, OK?
But I'm busy.
-I'm Karla.
Stop by and ruin me.
-Forget it.
Chick's a poster child for ludes.
-Did you bring it?
Oh, my boyfriend's gonna go nuts.
-Your boyfriend is nuts.
-They're a great item.
JEFFREY: You lost out, man.
That was my last one.
Your girlfriend would've loved it.
-I'll buy her a corsage.
Look, this place stinks, man.
You should finish your beer, and let's hit the road.
-I don't drink.
JEFFREY: That's Chadwick.
She likes to read in bed.
TOM: So what do you do?
You spy on her?
-Man's gotta have his hobbies, Gilmore.
TOM: Where are we going?
-Relax, Gilmore.
I'm driving this tour vessel.
-Yeah?
Well, so far, the tour stinks.
-Well then, let's go someplace with a good view.
-OK.
-Hold it up, Gilmore.
If ever you need to change an attendance record,
a grade, whatever-- you push back these four screws.
You pull up the exhaust fan cover.
Bammo, you're in.
Follow me.
How about this, view, huh?
-Yeah, it's nice.
What the hell are we doing up here?
-Getting away from down there.
-And away from what exactly?
-Stop, Gilmore.
Adult paranoia, state championships, senior dances,
Cambodia.
So what did you get?
-What?
-Man, who do you think you're dealing with?
You resold those Van Halen tickets, didn't you?
-How'd you know that?
-Come on, Gilmore.
You never listened to Van Halen in your life.
I know people.
That's my talent.
Some guys are good with basketball.
I'm good with people.
Look, it's all right.
Even if they were a gift, I don't mind.
Besides, there ain't nothing in the book that
says you can't sell anything that's yours.
Maybe we can go into business together.
-You think so, huh?
Split all that lunch money between us.
Wow.
Concert tickets, CDs, and anything else you can move.
I dunno, pretty big time stuff.
But, uh, it'd bore me.
MALE SPEAKER: Steee-rike!
-[YELLING] Stike?
-[YELLING] Yeah!
-[YELLING] Strike, man?
-[YELLING] Are you crazy?
Are you crazy?
-[YELLING] I need an elevator to--
[shouting]
-C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, come on guys.
Come on, Harry.
MALE SPEAKER: Play ball.
MALE SPEAKER: Kids.
-OK, Harry.
According to revised municipal code, no person below
the age of--
-18 will not be granted a permit to own a gun without written
consent by a parent or guardian.
TOM: And unless that parent or guardian
has a felony conviction within the last seven years.
-Hey, I was getting to that part, Hanson.
-Good eye, Harry.
Wait for you pitch.
-Hey, you guys might have invented the game,
but we perfected it.
-Yeah.
Sushi and baseball both, right?
JENKO: So how was your concert, bro?
Was it radical, awesome, like wow?
-How would I know?
I never listened to Van Halen in my life.
Got that from an expert.
I think the Jeffrey Stone might be our guy.
A real loner, part-time junior vampire.
Spends his nights spying on his English teacher
and hanging out on the school's roof.
Tries to be a hard guy.
Huge campaign, but not a lot of votes.
-Any priors?
-Not really.
Just a felony-sized chip on shoulder.
Problems at home, things like that.
I'm not even sure the stuff he sells is hot.
He thinks I'm a player.
-Oh, wait.
I'm sorry.
I didn't order that.
TOM: I did.
Mind if I join you?
Well, actually, I'm a little busy right now.
And-- and you really shouldn't be buying a drink.
-I didn't.
I bought it for me.
Besides, it's a Coke.
-What did you do, spill the first one?
-It's raining.
-It's raining?
Oh, great.
I walked here.
-So this is kind of a strange place to be grading papers,
don't you think?
-Not when you consider most of them
were written at a Twisted Sister concert.
-See, I didn't figure you for a Twisted Sister fan.
-Listen, I thought we were going to forget out first meeting.
-What meeting?
-Tom, I just don't want you to have
the wrong impression of me.
I mean, to be honest with you, I was attracted to you,
but it wasn't really you I was attracted to.
-Who was it?
You know, there's someone running around town,
looks just like me.
Big guy, dark hair, eats with his fingers, lousy dancer.
Horrible.
The worst.
Terrible.
-What I'm trying to say is if things were suddenly different,
and we really were those two people back there, who knows?
But we're not.
I'm your teacher.
You're my student.
Teacher, student.
See?
-OK, fine.
But the next time I get a flat tire, don't stop.
And if you do, don't be so damn cute.
Darn cute.
-I bet you're going to grow up to be a biology teacher.
-I am grown up.
Look, Miss Chadwick, I walked in the door,
I saw you sitting here, I thought I'd come by and say hi.
That was all there was to it.
I mean, uh, just relax, OK?
A biology teacher?
There's just one more thing I should ask you,
strictly student to teacher.
Is this why I found Roquefort dressing on my book report?
-Probably.
-OK.
[stadium crowd cheering]
[crowd booing]
-Thanks again for the ride.
-Well, it's flu season.
You can't be too careful.
-I had fun.
Thanks.
Good night.
-G'night.
-You know, there's something about you that doesn't fit.
-Well, maybe you don't have all the pieces yet.
-Oh, really?
-Really.
So you need a date for the prom?
-Seven years ago, thank you.
[music playing]
-Hey.
Never work that deep without a snorkel.
You can damage the brain.
-According to municipal code, a quarry located within the city
limits must be enclosed with a wooden or wire fence,
and not last--
-And not lasting more than six feet above the existing grate.
But don't worry, we don't have quarries.
Relax.
How's it going?
-I breezed through my written.
Got my oral Thursday.
And then after that, Sergeant Ioki.
So Jenk wants to see you in his office.
Your alma mater was hit again last night.
$2,000 worth of desk calculators.
-Terrific.
-Jenko, man, I'm sorry.
I never thought he'd hit again this soon.
It just doesn't make any sense.
-Hanson, guys who make a habit of camping out
on school rooftops don't usually make much sense.
-I thought I needed to give him some room.
-Yeah, well, you gave him room.
The principal of the school is screaming
at our guy's downtown.
And because of our crackerjack detection,
he's going to be forced to hire an outside security firm.
It's talk like that, pal, that can put our Jump Street program
right into the toilet.
So what was that rooftop Romeo up to last night?
A little, uh, window peeping on the teacher?
What does she look like, anyway?
-Oh, she's, uh-- you know, I wasn't with stone.
Last night.
I was, uh, out.
-Where's out?
-Out out.
I, uh, had something to eat with a friend.
-Who might that be, sport?
-What do you mean, who?
-Well, I don't mean the Who, as in the rock group.
I mean who as in what party were you with?
Now, we know it wasn't our man Stone,
as he was obviously occupied.
-I was with my, uh, English teacher.
-Ah, the teacher.
Well, I hope you had a swell time.
-I tried.
-Ah, I bet you did.
Diagram a few sentences, bub?
-I'm sorry.
-Hey.
Hey, you're a person.
You don't have to apologize for having a personal life.
You should just always remember to have it
on your two-week vacation each year.
OK, now if you think you still have a case,
maybe you should go pick up your buddy Stone.
-Yeah.
Okeedokee.
-Okeedoke.
-Chekhov.
In addition to his many contributions
to the world of theater-- which, I'm sure you all know,
have received worldwide recognition--
was also a respected essayist.
Excuse me just a second.
-No, Jeffrey hasn't been in class today.
-Was there a rose on your desk this morning?
-Yes.
But I'm sure it's just a harmless crush.
-Harmless crush?
The guy is a thief.
-Albert I'll handle this.
-Would you come with us, Miss Chadwick?
-Sir, I really don't think it's fair to just search
a student's locker.
-It's not only unfair, it's illegal.
-Tom, please, stay out of this.
-I'm already into it.
-Well, you're going to get into a two-week's detention
unless you get back to class.
Open it.
-Don't do this.
-Tom.
-I have to ask you not to open Jeffrey Stone's locker.
I'm a police officer.
That was one of the pieces missing.
-What the hell is going on here?
-If you open that locker without a legal warrant,
it's illegal search and seizure.
-A cop?
Why wasn't I notified?
-Because then it wouldn't be undercover.
-And be able to harass the student body.
-No, I pretty much stay from the student bodies.
-Open it.
-Not without probable cause.
-What happened here last night is cause enough.
Albert saw Stone's car in the parking lot
before he opened the school this morning.
-Then I saw him slinking around the halls over by here.
I turned around, pfft, off he goes in his car.
[school bell ringing]
PRINCIPAL WEINTRAUB: I want Stone arrested.
TOM: No.
-I have every right as principal of the school to--
-Let me do my job, Mr. Weintraub.
Don't be an idiot.
-I don't know, Gilmore.
That's asking a lot of him.
Something I can do for you, gentlemen?
Sell you some tickets to Van Halen?
Tell ya what, I'll trade you two front row center
seats for a stack of signed hall passes.
-Open it.
-Why?
-Open you locker, Jeff.
-Get a guy some fake ID, and wham,
he starts giving orders like an adult.
-This one's not fake.
-Why, you narc blossom.
Very smooth routine, Gilmore.
Very smooth indeed.
For a while ther,e I thought you were just a jerk.
But you're a professional jerk, right Gilmore?
I betcha that isn't even your real name.
-Open your locker, son.
-Not without a warrant.
Even the cub scout here will tell you that.
But then again, I'll get a kick out of embarrassing him.
Oh, come on.
Would you please-- oh, this is the best part for you,
Gilmore, right?
-Right.
-That's not my merchandise.
It's too cheap.
-Yeah, you only deal in quality gift items.
-That's right.
C'mon, you guys can do better than this.
Try.
I mean, at least for a Class A felony, eh?
-Get him out of here.
-You're under arrest.
-I didn't do it.
-You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you
in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
If you give up that right--
[music playing]
-Would it make any difference if I told you I didn't do it?
Thanks for bailing me out.
-You know, if I wasn't leaving for London in the morning,
Jeffrey, believe me, I would have
let you spend the night in there.
-I didn't do it.
-Don't lie to me, Jeffrey.
-I don't lie to you, dad.
Why should I?
You don't even listen to me.
-You know, it's not that I'm so angry about what you did.
It's that you were dumb enough to get caught at it.
-Right.
If you return a profit, protect the bottom line.
-Maybe next time, there won't be a bottom line.
-How about if there's even no next time?
[car starting]
[knocking on a door]
-Hi.
Can I explain?
-No.
-Look, Miss Chadwick--
-Oh, don't call me Miss Chadwick.
You sound ridiculous.
You lied to me.
-No.
I misled you.
And as weak as it sounds, I was only doing my job.
-Oh, your job?
A job that includes emotionally ripping off
kids like Jeffrey Stone, and humiliating him
in front of his peers?
Is this part of your job, too?
It's a pretty nice gift, but I don't impress that easy.
-I didn't give you this.
-The card was cute, but you spelled "Lord Byron" wrong.
-I didn't give you this.
When did you get it?
-It was on my doorstep when I got home from school.
Nice touch.
Reminds me of 10th grade.
Jeffrey would've given me tickets to Van Halen.
-Oh yeah.
You know one of his nightly stops
was parking outside your bedroom window
to watch you pick out your underwear?
-What?
-Yeah.
But he didn't give you this CD, because he was sold out
two nights ago, and he's been in jail since this afternoon.
So, uh--
-Who did?
-Not me.
-And all the roses?
-See, now those I wish I did give to you, you know?
Gah.
-What do you do?
Go from high school to high school,
picking up your English teachers?
-Hey.
I was the one with the flat tire.
You were the one without the jack.
-50-50 huh?
-Oh, 60-40.
I'm irresistible.
And off-duty.
How about you?
-Boys didn't kiss like this when, uh, I was in high school.
-That's a good thing.
You never would've graduated.
-What's wrong?
-Well, if I didn't give you that compact disc player,
and Stone didn't give it to you, maybe he
didn't give you the roses, either.
Maybe someone else did.
-OK, maybe.
-Which means maybe I busted the wrong guy.
-That's my brother's trophy, Albert.
Keep your hands off of it.
-I was just cleaning it.
-Clean the windows and empty the trash,
but stay away from my brother's stuff.
-What are you doing here?
-That's a good question.
What are you doing here?
I bet you thought I was in jail.
But you don't know what it's like to have
a rich father, do you, Albert?
Gotta tell ya, you're a lousy basketball player.
I've been watching you.
You're just as bad as when you played with my brother.
You still stink.
You set me up, you goof.
It was you, man.
See, I hang around here.
Keeps me away from out there.
I see everything.
I saw it all.
You stealing stuff.
I figured it's none of my business,
until I got busted for it.
-What are you talking about?
-Playing dumb?
You're good at that, Albert.
You're the one that put the stuff in my locker.
You're the one that put the roses on Miss Chadwick's desk.
And I'm going to tell old man Weintraub, the cops,
even pretty little Miss Chadwick.
-[YELLING] Don't you tell her anything, Kyle.
-Kyle?
That's my brother's name, you tardo.
Oh, don't tell me.
You don't remember him.
He's the one that got you bumped to the bench.
Bet ya Chadwick would love him.
-[YELLING] You tell her, I'll kill you.
-You?
You can barely even mop these halls, pal.
You're a tardo.
My brother told me you went bat--
-[YELLING] Yeah, Kyle?
Big shot.
You gotta play.
-[YELLING] I'm not Kyle!
I'm Jeffrey!
-[YELLING] Drop it Janowitz.
Now.
[stadium cheers]
-[YELLING] No!
[shot clock buzzer]
[STADIUM CHEERS, BASKETBALL BOUNCING]
[crowd booing]
-The guys who go to playoffs, they get the girls.
They get a chance to win.
They get a life.
The guys who are on the bench, they stay there forever.
[handcuffs clinking]
-Thanks.
-Now what about the other stuff?
Stolen?
-I bought it.
-Why?
-Why not?
Look, uh, just for the record, I wasn't spying on Miss Chadwick.
I was trying to get up enough nerve to ask her out on a date.
Yeah, I guess you beat me to it, huh?
-I guess I did.
-Very smooth routine, Gilmore.
Very smooth.
I'm impressed.
Remind me I owe you a couple of good seats next time
Springsteen comes in town.
-You got it.
-I'll see ya.
-Yeah.
[music playing]
-OK, Kyle.
This one's for you.
[stadium crowd cheering]
[car horn]
-[YELLING] God!
Hey, lizard breath!
Didn't you see me pulling in here?
Huh?
You got a driver license or something?
Geez.
Get out of here!
Geez.
Everybody drives like a maniac.
-An officer cannot engage in direct or indirect ownership
of the, uh-- oral test.
Oral test.
-Around the corner, sixth floor elevator.
-A convicted felon may not be issued a gun permit--
[phone ringing]
MALE SPEAKER: Harry Truman Ioki?
-Yes.
-Are you ready for your oral exams?
-Yes.
-My driver's license.
-Hi.
Can I buy ya a drink?
-Why don't we just stay in?
[music playing]