(seagulls call)
(gentle instrumental music)
(engine hums)
(trunk door thuds)
In here, Cody.
Moving or stationary?
Moving.
(gun clicks)
(switch clicks)
(machine whirs)
(gun clicks)
(gun fires)
(bullet zings)
Oh!
(electricity zaps) God damn it, you hooligan.
[Cody] See ya next week, John.
I can hardly wait.
(electricity zaps)
(engine revs) (lively guitar music)
(shutter clicks)
(engine hums)
Oh wow, great man!
Peg, you got this car really runnin' good.
What was the time?
[Bill] We did a 1:07!
[Rodney] Way to go baby, good driving, good luck.
Look at this car, Bill.
This car is the tits. (Bill chuckles)
(Cody sighs)
Well?
What do you think, Cody?
[Cody] They're dynamite.
I meant the driving.
Both of 'em.
The driving and the body, they're dynamite.
You really are horseshit at showing emotions,
but I like that in a man, mm?
(shutter clicks) - Yeah.
Eh, did you get some good pictures?
You bet I did, Cody.
All right, take it easy.
You, too.
- And you, woman. - Mm.
(door thuds)
(engine revs)
(lively guitar music)
Rodney, that cowboy sure can drive.
June, I'll be he can.
I'm just testin' my new little tape recorder I got.
They say all private investigators need one
so they can keep a record of their daily routines.
I hope my days are never routine.
Like today,
I went out and watched my old friend June Khnockers,
spelled with an H, test her race car.
God, she's got some great moves.
Started at the pistol range.
I went over and hit the target.
At least I hit the board that held the target.
Just pullin' up to the marina now, where I reside.
Well, that's it, 10-four, adios, over and out, good buddy.
Cody, as you know, we're on the yacht club committee,
and the fact that you have brought
this most obtrusive thing here is beyond our comprehension.
You must get rid of it as soon as possible.
(gulls call) - Now Doug,
as you and the committee all know,
my daddy founded this yacht club more than 25 years ago.
My daddy and I also built this,
and my mama, god rest her soul.
It can't be torn down.
Not just yet, anyway.
Hey come on, my daddy's representing this yacht club
in the Transpac.
Well Cody, he'd do a lot better
if he didn't have an all-girl crew.
He's been lost four times in six days.
What's he doin' out there?
All-girl crew?
Probably just got blown off course.
He always was a rather eccentric young man. (laughs)
Mama was afraid of airplanes and boats,
but she loved trains.
She was killed last year when a private rail car
jumped the track, so in her memory,
Daddy and I painted a picture of a caboose
and put it up in front of our boat.
(coffee maker beeps)
(Cody hums melodically)
God, I hope that's a cigarette lighter.
Oh.
Hi, I'm May, and this is my friend, Faye.
We just arrived from Corpus Christi on my daddy's boat.
We're in the slip next to you,
and since we're gonna be here for a while,
we thought we might like to get to know you
just a little bit better.
We think it's the neighborly thing to do.
(Faye laughs)
We didn't think you were ever gonna get outta the shower.
Well, how'd you girls get by my security system?
(giggles) We have our ways.
[Cody Voiceover] Ooh-wee, I must be livin' right
to have these lovelies
pullin' into the slip right next door.
You know, we haven't got our water hooked up yet,
and we was wonderin' if maybe May and I
could come over and take a shower here.
Oh, you poor ladies, let's see what I can do for you.
(May and Faye giggle)
It's right down here.
(doors thud)
(footsteps click)
(machine clicks)
We've got a problem.
The Russians are five years behind us in computer knowledge
yet they're stealing our stuff right out from under us.
How?
First, they tried to buy some banks
in the San Francisco area, to upend the computers and chips.
When that didn't work, they set up industrial fronts
to buy all the best computers.
They send them to friendly nations, and then,
then the Russians pay enormous amounts of money
to obtain them from our (chuckles) so called allies.
There are entire companies here that do nothing but this.
We're coming down on them just as fast as we can.
So what does that have to do with me?
I was having a wonderful vacation in the South of France.
We've traced one of the major operations
to a dear old friend of yours.
Lady Lillian Chamberlain.
I don't believe...
We wanna get somebody in there
and check out what's going on, but I can't be you.
You're too close to Lady Chamberlain and the household.
No one should suspect anything.
Who else could do the job?
Oh, I have someone in mind.
In fact, I was with him earlier today at the yacht club.
I think you'll be impressed.
Name's Cody Abilene.
("Girl in the Centerfold" by Neal Davenport)
(women giggle)
♪ I'm in love with the girl in the centerfold ♪
♪ In Playboy Magazine ♪
♪ She's got to be the prettiest girl ♪
♪ That I think I've ever seen ♪
♪ Just look at that smile and look at blouse ♪
Hey, here's your towel.
♪ While she's lyin' down there in the grass ♪
♪ I'm in love with the girl in the centerfold ♪
♪ In Playboy Magazine ♪
♪ There's some writin' on the pages ♪
♪ Says her father is a preacher ♪
♪ Her mother is a doctor and she's a school teacher ♪
♪ And I'll bet she knows an awful lot about the golden rule ♪
Cody, Cody, Cody.
I understand you're a private investigator.
And we wanna know if you'll investigate our privates.
Mm-hm.
Bad timin', little ladies, I gotta go to work.
Oh.
Come on, scoot your butts outside.
I'll catch you later.
- Oh no, Cody. - Oh, Cody.
[May and Faye] Come on.
My new read-out pager says that Douglas F. Wilton
wants me to call him, urgent.
He wants me to see some European contessa named Luciana
and get to know her.
He says she's good lookin'.
(door thuds)
(crickets chirp)
(doorbell rings)
(midtempo instrumental music)
[Luciana] Good evening, Cody, please come in.
Contessa, hope I'm not late.
You could never be too late.
Call me Luciana.
Douglas Wilton has told me all about you.
I hope I can come up with a few surprises, like this one.
Oh, thank you.
I'm gonna take you someplace special tonight,
and I do believe your body could put some life
into this simple frock.
Please come in and sit down.
Help yourself to some wine.
I'm gonna try this on for size.
I'll be just a minute.
Well?
Wow.
Uh, water.
Sorry babe, I gotta have some water.
Bless you.
You're marvelous.
But I didn't just bring you in for sex.
I have a few things to fill you in on.
[Cody Voiceover] Pleasure before business,
I like that in a woman.
♪ I'm in love with the girl in the centerfold ♪
♪ Of Playboy Magazine ♪
Hey Cody, where you goin', darlin'?
Top of the mornin', ladies.
Come on over and go dancing!
Come on!
I'd love to, but I gotta go to work.
Ladies take it easy, now.
- Come on, Cody. - Cody.
Uh!
What are we supposed to do without you?
[May] Cody, c'mon.
♪ Girl in the centerfold ♪
♪ Of Playboy Magazine ♪
♪ I'm in love with the girl in the centerfold ♪
(engine rumbles)
Contessa Luciana somehow talked me into taking
the Douglas F. Wilton job.
I'm headin' up to Bel Air now, and, oh no.
Not the Buffington family.
(lively banjo music)
(man laughs)
We got you now, boy!
We're gonna tear you a new butt!
Yeah.
With what?
With my son's little white Pontiac over there.
- Yeah. - With that little thing?
This sports car's gonna eat you up.
You think your car's fast,
wait till you see what this one's...
30 years ago at Charlotte,
my daddy beat ol' PL Buffington here in a stock car race.
He's been mad at our whole family ever since.
He's got Doreen, his fat wife,
his boy Bobo here in a feud now.
PL's just dyin' to have his boy beat me in a race
every chance he gets.
Beat you all over the road, that's...
All right, where do you wanna go do this?
Fox Canyon, just follow us down.
Yeah. (PL chuckles)
- See you at Fox Canyon. - Ha-ha! (Bobo laughs)
Come on, boy!
You gonna lose it now.
Hey Cody, me and my car's gonna get you, boy!
Let's go, come on!
[Cody] You don't have a chance, Bobo, friend.
(engines rev) (tires screech)
Hey! (laughs)
We got him!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Just remember The Alamo.
I'll get you next time.
Right, boy, see ya later!
- (laughs) I got him! - Get him, let's go, boy!
I won, I won, Daddy!
I won, Mama!
How'd you beat that fancy red sports car
with this little thing?
I'll show you. (laughs)
With this right here, ha-ha!
What's that?
[Bobo] Nitrous oxide, ha! (chuckles)
But don't it hurt the car?
Yeah, runs like hell for 20 seconds, then it blows up.
(explosion booms) - It was worth it, boy.
That's right, we beat you, Cody!
(lively harmonica music)
[Mitch] Hey Cody, how's it going?
Hey Mitch.
Take a look at this car, and tell me how come a four-banger
just blew me off the road.
[Mitch] Sure, no problem.
Hey, Cody.
So how's my Daddy's Olds goin'?
It's comin' good.
It should be done in a day or two.
You're really gonna like this sucker.
We'll deliver it over to your yacht.
Got anything I can use in the meantime?
Well, I got this old black Ford over here.
Keys are in it.
Okay.
Oh, uh, there are a couple bags in the DeLorean.
- I'll get 'em for ya. - Thanks.
(midtempo instrumental music)
Well, I'm still headin' for Bel Air,
to the home of Lady Lillian Chamberlain.
Contessa Luciana's father
and Lady Lillian were lovers in Europe several years back.
They're still friends.
Luciana moved to this country from Italy
and has remained close to Lady Chamberlain.
Lady Chamberlain wants me to stay at the house
for a few days just to check things out.
Bel Air has nothing but Rolls Royces, Mercedes,
Cadillacs, Feraris.
So I pull up in this borrowed Ford, but hell,
with my sophisticated style, good looks,
nobody's gonna pay any attention to what I'm drivin'.
(bell rings)
Howdy.
Cody Abilene, Lady Lillian's expecting me.
Come on in, you're late.
Nice car.
(door thuds)
She's out by the pool, follow me.
[Cody] Luciana told me Lady Lillian had broke her leg
in a skiing accident.
She'll be in this wheelchair for about three more months.
Mr. Abilene, how very nice to see you again.
Lady Lillian, you're lookin' wonderful.
Thank you.
Shane, bring in Mr. Abilene's bags.
You got a real charmer, there.
People say I'm crazy,
but I just know there's something going on in this house
behind my back.
(woman moans)
My nephew Stuart, his wife, Anita, and my niece, Liza,
all live here with me
since they're parents were killed in an accident.
Then, of course, there's Shane, you met him,
and my maid, Marian.
She's a friend of Shane's, wait till you see her.
She is really off the wall.
[Shane] Oh, baby, mm.
Mm, so my much better than tennis. (chuckles)
Shane, Shane, where the hell are you?
(sighs) Damn it, I'm late.
I gotta get back to the house.
Shane Reeves, god damn it!
Oh, somebody oughta take that bullhorn and.
(paddle smacks) Ouch!
(Shane chuckles)
What if that leaves a mark.
Don't worry, Mrs. Chamberlain.
Your husband'll never see it.
Shane.
What did a guy like you do in jail?
Ate a lotta furniture, baby.
Shane, meet us in the living room.
Cody, would you please take me to the living room?
It's that way.
[Cody] Yes ma'am.
Oh, there you are, Anita.
Shane, where have you been?
Make sure the cook knows
Mr. Abilene will be here for dinner.
Yes, Lady Lillian.
Darling, Anita, come here.
This is Cody Abilene.
Cody, this is my nephew's wife.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Cody will be staying with us for a few days.
How nice.
(midtempo instrumental music)
[Cody] I'd finally get a chance
to meet the Chamberlain family.
I don't know where that child is.
[Cody Voiceover] Liza's comin' down in a minute.
I said hello earlier
to Anita's husband, Stuart Chamberlain.
He's okay, I guess.
He seems a little light in his loafers, though.
Oh Liza, there you are.
You're late dear, we had to start without you.
Liza, this is Cody Abilene.
Cody is our house guest.
I noticed your car.
Really nice.
Yeah well, I like to drive.
I just bet you do.
Cody, do you cook?
Mm, not much.
Well what do you usually make for dinner?
Reservations.
(group laughs)
(laughs) Very good.
The Chamberlain family is an odd mixture
to say the least.
I had to leave right after dinner because twice a week,
I meet with my lady cop friend, Sergeant Beverly McAfee
for a workout.
Usually we go dancing and playing afterwords.
Tonight, she's gotta go back to work, though.
Damn.
(man moans)
This place is filled with great-lookin' bodies.
Exercise is okay, but girl-watchin's what I do best.
I love lookin' at that gorgeous Diana, hoo.
The luscious Lorette, oh my,
and the outrageously sexy Peggy.
Beverly's still one of my favorite ladies, though.
Don't they ever give you the night off, Beverly?
Nine to five looks so good right now.
[Cody] No one ever told you bein' a cop would be easy.
Hey Luke, take a look at that chump over there.
Yeah I know, she's into the little boys,
I don't know what she see in them,
she need to get herself a real man.
[Cody Voiceover] Well, I see
we got a couple of new show offs workin' out.
Wonder how things are workin' out
back at the Chamberlain place.
(up-tempo dance music)
Shane, what the hell are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
- Get away from me! - Come on.
Relax baby, come on.
- Ow. - Come on.
(Liza moans)
Come on baby, oh yeah.
Come on, Liza.
(Liza giggles)
(Shane moans)
Yeah, that's it.
(shutter clicks)
Mm. (Liza moans)
(water trickles)
Thanks a lot, I enjoyed it.
Damn you, Shane, you son of a bitch!
(gentle instrumental music)
Stuart.
Stuart, what are you looking at?
Uh, nothing, I thought I heard something.
(water splashes)
Ah, Times crossword puzzle.
Can I help you with a word?
Ah, you don't mind if I join you, do you?
This is a great day.
You know, you don't have to be nice to me.
Oh, I insist on it.
Us Texas boys are known for it.
That's really some bullshit.
Thank you, Maid Marian.
How about some lunch?
We have some escargot.
Snails, no thanks.
I make it a point never to eat anything that leaves a trail.
Of all days to be stuck here.
My Mercedes is in the shop,
and I really need to get to Palm Springs.
How about Shane the chauffeur?
Forget that son of a bitch.
Well can I drive you where you're going?
Sure, why not?
Shane's probably slipping it to Anita anyway.
I believe you Texans call it layin' pipe.
They get it on at the beach house.
You know about that, don't you?
[Shane] Oh yeah.
Oh, you're the greatest baby, mm.
Oh yeah.
Oh, that's it, mm.
(Shane moans)
Oh yeah, mm, oh baby.
[Anita] Mm, delicious.
We're late baby, come on, we gotta get goin'.
[Cody] So uh, what's your friend's name?
Johnathon Harper, he's in computers.
He buys and sell 'em worldwide.
You know, a lot of people have been caught
sellin' those illegally to communist countries.
I assume he's legitimate.
Johnathon's reputation is fine with me.
I'm investing in his company.
Besides, I only asked you for a ride, not your opinion.
[Cody] Oh, okay.
(engine revs)
Shane.
Shower time.
Come on in.
Hey baby, you're too much.
I'll meet you in the car.
(suspenseful electronic music)
(midtempo acoustic music)
[Liza] There's Johnathon Harper's building, Cody.
(doors thud)
Jay, the new computers are coming in next week,
and I want you to have a look at those, also.
[Jay] Yes sir, Mr. Harper.
Hi.
Liza, darling, how are you?
This is Cody Abilene, he drove me here.
My Mercedes broke down.
Your car is always breaking down.
Well, that's the way it goes.
Cody, my name is Johnathon Harper.
- Howdy. - How do you do?
Liza, have you got the financing we talked about?
Yes, I do.
Thank you. (machines click)
Hey, what about the other night, hey, ho.
- Hey. - Oh yeah.
- How's it goin'. - Look at those legs.
- What do we have here? - Look at the face.
Oh, look at this body, yeah, great lookin' guy.
(men laugh)
Cool it.
The lady's an investor.
- Investor. - Hey look, Liza.
I think we've seen enough of these gentlemen.
Let's get outta here.
No, I'm staying, I have business to discuss.
Suit yourself.
(kisses click)
Liza, these are three of my friends,
Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
They're here to help us.
Do me a favor, wait over there for a few minutes, darling.
I'll be right with you.
- Okay. - Okay?
See to it that his ass leaves these premises.
Yeah, and the rest of his body, too.
(lively instrumental music)
Hey you, why don't you pull over for a sec?
I gotta talk to you.
That's okay, I can find my own way.
If you don't pull over, I'm gonna fuckin' put you over.
[Man] He's a pretty boy, isn't he?
What, you lookin' to fuck 'em?
[Man] Yeah, maybe, yeah.
(man clears throat)
(door thuds)
Guys, guys.
Fuck, you don't wanna mess with me.
You see this body?
This body is a lethal weapon.
I could kill you guys in a second.
(men laugh)
[Man] I'll show you lethal weapons.
(men laugh)
Oh, shit.
Hi-ya! (kick smacks)
Yah! (kick thuds)
(man groans)
(punch thuds) (Cody groans)
(laughs) Lethal weapon my ass.
(men groan)
Pick his ass up.
- Turn the thing. - You see this, huh?
(kick thuds) (Cody groans)
How do you like this, longhorn?
How do you feel without a dick, huh?
Get outta here.
(gun firing)
(gun fires) (air hisses)
You wouldn't happen to have a loaner, would you?
(gun fires)
(Cody groans)
(air hisses)
- Happy trails! - Yeah, happy trails!
- Yeah go for it. - You got it. (men laugh)
Yoo-hoo!
We're only kidding.
No seriously, come on back! (laughs)
Yah!
Let's get, let's get outta here, come on, let's go.
(somber harmonica music)
(sighs) I need the fastest thing on this lot.
Sugar, I'm the fastest thing on this lot.
Oh, mercy.
(engine rumbles)
Come back real soon, you hear?
[Cody] Yeah, Right.
(playful harmonica music)
(birds chirp)
(dial clicks)
Boy, that was really a horseshit trip to Palm Springs.
I got my ass whipped, my borrowed car shot up,
and I was raped.
You know, time to see just what the hell is goin' on
around here.
Sure Shane, you can screw around with this thing
for as long as you want, but I'm here to tell ya, asshole,
your health, ya dig, your health, it's gonna suffer.
You can bet the whole goddamn farm on that, pal.
- I'll pay. - When?
When I got it. (phone thuds)
(phone rings)
Hey Shane.
You still messin' around with that broad you work for?
Well maybe you'll pay up pretty soon, eh?
Remember, you owe us 30 grand.
(phone clicks)
- Well? - Well.
I owe a guy some money, he's being a nuisance, that's all.
How stupid to let your scuzzy gambling friends
call you here.
Come here, baby.
To hell with you.
[Shane] Maybe it'd be all right
to have some things said about you.
What said about me?
Get your hand off me. - I don't know,
like maybe something about this rich lady,
an ex-con has been living in her house?
Right, the house man.
And what's been going on
right under her queer hubby's little turned up faggot nose.
I got some state of the art video on you, baby.
(suspenseful music)
I also got some pictures you oughta see.
Ooh, here's some with you on top.
You filthy, no good, son of a bitch.
Bastard!
I wasn't gonna show 'em to anybody.
Your husband doesn't know anything.
I'm not stupid, Shane.
[Shane] Anita baby, come here.
I hope to hell the gamblers get you, Shane,
and I hope they tear you in little bits.
You little whore.
(door slams)
(birds chirp)
(crickets chirp)
Okay Shane, let's go, and take me to the club.
(door thuds)
(engine hums)
Shane is driving Stuart in the Chamberlain limousine.
I'm following them along the Sunset Strip.
I heard just enough outside of Shane's room
to make me wonder what the hell else he's up to.
Well, they're makin' a U-turn
and stoppin' across the street.
I'm really surprised an ex-con would assume my morals
to be an issue.
How very naive of you, Shane.
You can only get away so long
with performing here for kicks.
I'll take my chances.
You'll have a better chance
to continue playing queen for a day if you help me out.
I need 30 big ones right away.
Why, that's blackmail.
How would you like to go back to prison
for another five years?
Wouldn't this be cute of us in the Faggot Gazette?
That's you on the bottom, sweets.
Suppose I were to take this threat seriously,
which I don't for a minute,
to whom would I entrust the money?
Me, of course.
Tomorrow night at Lady Lillian's charity party.
Doesn't leave us much time, does it?
But then why should I keep you in suspense?
The answer is no, now drive me to the entrance.
Shane's pullin' the limo
in front of the Screaming Cockatoo.
This should be good.
- Hi. - Stuart, you look wonderful.
Thank you, I feel good.
I don't believe this one.
Stuart has just turned into the most gorgeous woman.
[Man] Love that dress!
Thank you.
You like, huh?
[Man] Yeah, you have great legs, love it.
Thank you, what a day I had.
- Really? - Let me tell you about it.
Come on. - Tell me.
I knew he was different, but wow.
Do me a favor, Frederick,
please, don't forget to come to Lady Chamberlain's tomorrow.
It's very important.
[Frederick] Oh, I don't, Stuart.
I'm gonna have to work, but I'll definitely be there.
[Stuart] Thank you.
Here's to it.
(midtempo instrumental music)
Goodies on a tray.
Hors d'oeuvres?
[Cody] What an assortment under one roof.
Lady Chamberlain thinks I'm here to check on her family.
Luciana has me involved in espionage.
God, I love intrigue.
God, I love Luciana's white dress.
Let's have some champagne
and toast my art-selling trip tomorrow.
I'll toast, but I better stay alert tonight.
Can I have some designer water?
(laughs) You are continental.
Well, have a safe flight.
Let's toast to us bein' together tonight.
You know, we have worldwide computer investments
for those people who've trusted us with their finances.
We've made enormous profits for them.
Things look even better in the future.
You know, Johnathon,
I think your interest in our little Liza here
is something just a bit more than financial.
Luciana, I mean Contessa.
Would you like some champagne?
You know that snake?
I spent a few days with Lady Lillian last month.
He was around then.
- Cheese? - Hey Tommy,
look who we got here, it's Maid Marian.
You look very foxy tonight, Maid Marian.
Just because we all work for Johnathon
doesn't mean you creeps can put your hands on me.
[Tommy] Ho-ho-ho.
Hello, Shane.
Hello, Dick.
What are you doin' here?
We control the catering service here, you know that.
I'm here to collect the bread you owe us, remember?
Yeah.
Well time's runnin' out, asshole.
I'll see ya later.
(crickets chirp)
Stuart Chamberlain, please.
Yes, it's very important.
Tell him it's Frederick calling.
You have a telephone call.
Thank you.
Hello?
Hello, Stuart?
Did you forget about our date tonight?
[Stuart] Of course not, Frederick, darling.
Where are you?
This is Shane, Stuart darling.
Remember tonight's the night.
I need that money.
I told you, you thieving bastard,
I said no, and I meant it.
(phone thuds)
Faggot. (phone thuds)
(hit smacks)
[Dick] You like that, lover boy, hm?
It's like you've been avoiding me all evening.
Now you come up with the bread, or guess who's dead.
Now listen, asshole, I'm not leaving here tonight
without the money.
Now you get it up, or I'm gonna cut your fuckin' face.
Don't cut me, please, please.
[Dick] You understand?
Yeah.
[Dick] Tonight, tonight.
(Shane pants)
(crickets chirp)
Oh, damn it.
That son of a bitch.
(crickets chirp) (midtempo instrumental music)
That bitch.
Maid Marian, she is something else.
Did you hear that she got raped this afternoon
by two homosexuals.
One held her down, and the other one did her hair.
(Liza and Anita laugh)
Hors d'oeuvre, Mr. Chamberlain?
Slut.
Good night, thank you for coming.
Oh, you rascal.
Good night, good night.
(crickets chirp) (partygoers chatter)
Thank you, Luciana. - Thank you, Lillian.
Good seeing you.
Good night, Cody.
Shane, come here.
Dead tired, please take me to my room.
Yes, Lady Lillian.
(partygoers chatter)
(crickets chirp)
Hi, this is Regis Philbin, along with my wife, Joy.
Tonight's program is about love.
The whole world depends on, on love.
Exactly, and I think people
should respect each other's feelings.
Oh, if you have that respect.
[Shane] I have some love for ya, Regis and Joy.
[Regis] But it's really the love
that engenders that respect.
(crickets chirp)
Thattaway to go, baby.
Stuart better show up with that money.
Dick's gonna be here soon,
and he's not gonna wait much longer for that dough.
(sighs) Damn it, what am I gonna do?
(door creaks)
(knife thuds) (Shane groans)
(Shane whimpers)
[Regis] You know, we were talking about love
the other day, and I guess I can't forget some of the things
that were expressed here about relationships
and about how people really should feel about one another.
Men and women, men and men.
(gun fires) (Shane groans)
[Regis] Everybody should have that basic love
for one another, it's so important.
I think you're right.
Where there's no sincere feeling of love.
As a matter of fact, I think it's the lack of love
that's killing us all today.
(gun fires) (Shane groans)
To relate to each other.
After all, love is what makes the world go 'round.
(Shane crashes) (water splashes)
Ah, I feel great today.
I feel hot.
I'll drink to that.
(glasses clink)
What's that?
Well Shane, you win some, you lose some.
Poor Shane.
Luciana, the plane leaves in a couple hours.
I want you to get outta here.
I'll vouch for you, we were together all night.
I'd rather stay here with you.
I'm worried.
Don't worry, I can take care of this.
You really don't wanna get involved,
I have to call the police now.
(midtempo instrumental music)
You take of yourself.
(midtempo percussive music)
Looks like he was shot, stabbed,
and still made it out here.
Sure was tough sum' bitch.
Hey, what's goin on in his room?
Anita?
What the hell are you doin' here?
I don't know.
I don't know, I.
I just came in through the service entrance,
I saw blood.
Is it Shane?
Everything's such a mess, I just got here.
It's a shock, I guess.
Go in the house, tell everybody to meet me by the pool.
Go, do it!
Let's see, I saw Shane put those pictures of Anita
in one of these drawers.
Well, they ain't here now.
Hm, there's blood on this camera.
Looks like it's got some exposed film in it.
I better check this out.
The killer must've jimmied these drawers open.
Hm.
(midtempo percussive music)
Oh, this is a terrible thing.
Shane was such a good driver.
And though I'm sorry, I feel as though it's my fault.
I wouldn't say that when the police get here.
But I was the one that hired him.
I know what you meant.
Excuse me.
- Uh-huh. (laughs) - I just can't wait to see.
Oh baby, the sound of your voice is drivin' me crazy.
I tell you baby, I'm only as a beer can,
but I'm real long, you know?
- Oh god. - I know what you mean.
Oh murder, when you get hot,
you let your husband watch, it makes me very crazy.
Hi Sally, it's Cody Abilene, you got anything for me?
Cody, you sexy, gorgeous cowboy.
Cody, tell me what you're wearing.
I bet you're wearing those sexy, tight jeans.
I'd love to have you here.
You're too much.
(phone rings) - Cody, I want you so bad.
I wanna feel your manhood pressed against me, oh.
- I understand. - Baby.
I want you so bad right now.
Okay look, I'll get back to you on that, all right?
You sexy man.
Your tongue would really enjoy being on me.
My nipples are even hard just talking to you.
[Cody] Get on the horn and get the police over here
to the Chamberlain house as soon as possible.
It's a homicide.
God, I wish you could come through this phone right now.
Yeah look, just call the police, all right?
I'll talk to you later.
Did you learn anything, Cody?
Yes ma'am, I sure did.
I'm gonna go take a cold shower now.
The police'll be here in about five minutes.
Y'all wait right here.
The police could have me thrown in jail
for withholding evidence, but I wanna be the first
to see this film when it's developed.
I better hide this goodie before they get here.
(doorbell rings)
(dispatcher chatters) - Some layout.
Yeah.
[Cody] Lt. Arledge, Beverly.
Cody Aveline.
I should've known you'd be involved in this.
Come on in, I'll show you the way.
(dispatcher chatters)
How well do you know this guy?
Oh, pretty well.
Well, I know him very well.
Don't let that cowboy charm fool you.
He graduated summa cum laude from Texas University.
(siren wails)
[Dispatcher] Everyone standby.
Chamberlain family, this is Lt. Arledge.
[Lillian] How do you do?
- Sergeant McAfee. - Hello.
Morning.
Lady Chamberlain, this arrived in my office this morning.
It's for you.
Oh, thank you.
Oh my.
Uh, they're with you.
Taken with Shane.
How cozy.
Take them, Lt. Arledge.
Uh, can I take a look at these?
Nice composition.
A little out of focus.
It's what we call hard evidence.
They were taken at the beach house.
How could you, Anita?
(suspenseful electronic music)
Lady Lillian gave him a key to the beach house.
When?
Uh-huh, mm-hm.
He left with the lady cop, oh, about 20 minutes ago.
[Johnathon] Okay.
Well, maybe we'll find something
at the Chamberlain beach house.
[Beverly] Lt. Arledge thinks Stuart did it.
[Cody] Oh yeah, how come?
[Beverly] Those pictures of Shane and Anita
we saw a while ago.
That's a pretty strong motive, don't you think?
[Cody] Yeah, I guess.
He had the opportunity, but so did a lot of other people.
(midtempo acoustic music)
(door creaks)
Fun little playhouse.
Interesting place.
What do you hope to find here?
Clues.
Pictures, electronics.
But you know me.
I just like to cover all the angles.
Oh yes.
Speaking of angles,
have I told you how good you've been lookin'
since you've been goin' to the gym?
Well no, but I'm glad you noticed.
Of course, I, uh, haven't had a chance
to take in the whole thing.
Well, aren't you in for a treat?
So are you.
Oh really?
Top this.
I'll give it my best shot.
(lively country music)
(camera whirs)
Hey, you wanna see a home movie of us?
[Beverly] Oh, sure Cody.
I don't mean the kind you show your mom.
You won't believe what I found.
A remote control for a video camera.
And when did you find that?
I'd rather not say.
Talk about a soap opera.
We should have our own show.
Looks like Shane the photographer set this up.
Sure was a good ol' boy.
I got all day for this.
The shit-kickin' private eye, a hag,
and and a roll of film.
I'll take that.
It's my case.
When it's murder, the police take control.
Besides, I paid for it with my very own body.
And you were worth every frame of it.
Well, thank you kindly, ma'am.
Piece of cake.
Let's go, Tommy.
Did you just hear somethin' outside?
(water splashes)
Shower, check it out.
I'll cover us outside.
Go ahead, go for it.
Make my day. (gun fires)
Watch out! (guns fires)
(gun fires) - Oh! (groans)
Go for it?
Make my day?
Are you serious?
Careful now, Beverly.
There's still one out there.
Cody, the door.
There he is. - He's mine.
Jesus, stay stay, I got him.
(gun fires) (pot clatters)
God damn.
Look out, Beverly!
(gun fires)
Oh.
(gun fires)
(man groans)
Hey, I coulda hit him.
Oh really?
All right, it's these hands.
They're the lethal weapons.
Yeah, just be careful when you play with yourself.
So, who knew we were coming out here?
I almost hate to say.
Lady Lillian?
You got it.
Damn it.
Okay (sighs).
I'll call the lieutenant over at the Chamberlain house
and tell him what happened here.
(gun clicks)
Okay.
Look, if you can handle the calvary,
I'll go to my boat and get a couple things done.
Okay.
Call my service if you need me.
Cody?
I need a kiss.
You gonna be okay?
I'll be fine.
[Cody] Beverly's right.
Who else knew we were comin' out here?
Could Lady Lillian be a suspect?
Nah.
On my way back to the marina, I stopped by the grocery store
to get me a peanut brittle candy bar.
I just need to think things through.
[Bobo] Hey!
Hey, there you are, Cody! - Oh, no.
Not the Buffington family again.
[Bobo] Come on, let's go!
What's wrong, you yellow? - I don't wanna race you guys!
- Chicken, you're chicken! - Come on.
All I have is this junked out old Datsun Z.
It wouldn't even be fair.
[Bobo] Fair?
You want fair, go to church, boy.
Come on, let's go, come on, I'm ready, let's go!
Come on! (engines rev)
I picked this car 'specially just to race you.
(engines rev) So, you ready?
Watch this, watch this, Cody.
Huh, hey, how 'bout that, huh?
All right, come on! - Damn.
Now they even got a low-rider.
(laughs) Come on, boy!
(tires screech) (engines rev)
(lively bluegrass music)
Come on, Bobo, come on boy, get 'em!
(P.L. and Doreen cheer)
(tires screech)
Yeah, boy, we win! (Buffingtons chatter)
[Bobo] Yeah, look at this!
(Buffingtons cheer)
[Cody] Once again, I've been disgraced by the Buffingtons.
I'm rapidly losing face.
If I don't whip their butts next time,
my daddy's gonna whip mine.
(crickets chirp)
(door creaks)
(horn lows)
[Matthew] Be careful.
This cowboy killed Peter and Tommy this afternoon.
Watch him.
(door creaks)
You stay here and cover us.
Okay, Matt.
What are you doin' here?
Nevermind, move over.
I was hopin' you'd say that.
Shouldn't we take your boots off?
(Faye giggles)
Okay now listen, when I say so,
I want you to dive on that floor, and get down low.
- This is kinky. - Oh no.
This is nice, this is nice.
(suspenseful electronic music)
This gonna be fun.
(Faye and May giggle)
Just do it, come on girls, this is serious.
- Oh my god! - Wait a minute.
- Yah! - Down, down!
(woman screams) (gun fires)
- Oh my god!
- Shit! - Oh, Faye!
- Oh no, no! - Outta here!
- Son of a bitch! - What's going on here?
[May] What the hell was that all about?
You girls stay here, do not leave this room!
- Faye, what's going on? - I don't know, I don't know.
- Oh Faye, oh god! - Oh no, no!
[May] What is going on here?
[Faye] What the hell was that about? Oh my.
[Matthew] Shit.
[Luke] Hey man, what are you...
[Man] He shot me, you goddamn idiot!
(footsteps thud)
Oh my god, Faye!
I can't believe what's happening.
- Oh my god, May. - God damn it, you two.
Damn it you two, listen to me. I want that film!
Where's that film at?
I know it's in here somewhere, damn it.
That pisses me off, where's the god damn film.
I know it's in here somewhere.
Cops, we gotta move, man. (siren wails)
We got the cops on our ass right now.
We gotta move, come on. (man groans)
We gotta move.
(May yelps) - You sure you don't know
where the film's at?
[May] No, I don't know what you're talkin' about.
Hey, you better not be holdin' out on me,
I'll tell you right now 'cause that pisses me off.
Ow. (siren wails)
[Luke] Yo man, what the hell happened to your ear?
- Shut up! (groans) - Come on.
(tires screech)
- Come on Luke, get in!
(tires screech)
Damn it, I let 'em get away in that Caddy.
Well, I better get the girls off my boat
so I can get a little sleep.
(phone rings)
Hello?
Jesus Beverly, it's the crack of dawn.
Listen Cody,
the lieutenant just arrested Stuart Chamberlain
for Shane's murder.
He found some pictures of Stuart and Shane together.
Listen Beverly, I got somethin' to tell ya.
I found another roll of film there over in Shane's dresser
before you came over.
You held that out on me?
Yeah, well it was my case first.
Well, it's not your case any longer, cowboy.
I sure would like to get that film developed.
Do you really think the film's that important?
(playful instrumental music) (Faye and May giggle)
No question about it.
They tried killin' us for it yesterday,
and I was told by a couple of reliable sources
that they were still lookin' for it last night.
[Beverly] Cody, are you alone?
No, there's a topless girl serving me coffee
and a beautiful dancing girl with batons.
Get serious Beverly, of course I'm alone.
I'm sorry, I just thought I heard something.
I sure would like to know what's on that film.
You've gotta get it developed.
Yeah but knowing Shane,
I don't think I wanna take it to the local drugstore.
Listen, I got an idea, lemme call you right back.
Sally's Phone and Lip Service, may I help you?
Yeah, good morning, Sally.
Listen, can you give me June Khnockers at Willow Springs?
Cody, it's you, where are you?
I'm on my boat.
I'd love to raise your sails and tighten your jib sheet.
I want you to batten down my hatch.
I can't wait.
We're gonna do it port and starboard, fore and aft.
Please, Sal,
I have all I can take this mornin', all right?
Sure baby, is that Khnockers with an H?
[Cody] You got it.
Cody, does she give better lip service than I do?
[Cody] Honey, that's a negatory.
Well then, I'll get her for you.
How did you girls get by my security system again?
I thought I told you that the Malibu Express
is a little dangerous the next couple days.
Cody, you know you like havin' us around.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Oh June, yeah.
Hey Cody, you comin' out to watch me practice?
Yeah listen, I might.
I got a big favor, I got a roll of film I need developed.
Is Rodney workin' today?
Yeah, I'm sure she'll be glad to help you.
Great then, I'll see you in a couple hours.
Okay, I'll tell her you're comin'.
I can't wait to see you. (kiss smacks)
Bye.
(Faye and May giggle)
(clears throat) Yeah.
Oh no. (giggles)
Yeah look Beverly, can you wait for me
at the Chamberlain house?
We're going out to Willow Springs Raceway.
Okay.
I need a moment to console Lady Chamberlain
about Stuart's arrest.
Will you be leaving now?
Um, listen.
I got a couple things I gotta take care of.
(Faye giggles)
Lady Lillian, I'm very sorry about Stuart's arrest.
I'll be in touch with you later.
- Thank you so much. - Sure.
(bell rings)
Where is she going?
Willow Springs, ma'am.
- The raceway? - Yes, ma'am.
Thank you, Maid Marian.
You may have the rest of the day off.
Thank you very much, ma'am.
Hey Beverly, how you like this Olds?
It belongs to my Daddy, he loves cars and gadgets.
They're on their way to Willow Springs.
Don't count on me for your party.
I'm going to Tijuana for the weekend.
[Cody] There's a brown Cadillac back there.
Wonder if it could be the one from last night.
[Matthew] Better stay on his ass, and don't lose 'em.
[Mark] I'm on 'em, I got 'em.
(lively guitar music)
[Matthew] You out of your fuckin' mind, stay on him!
[Mark] I'm with him!
What do you want me to do, make miracles here?
I got 'em, don't worry.
Better stay on his ass, and don't lose 'em.
Next time, you drive, okay?
I don't want it, you drive next time.
[Matthew] Get him right now, make it over there.
[Mark] I got him, I got him.
- Don't lose him. - I see 'em.
Son of a bitch!
Son of a bitch. - All right, relax.
What the hell is wrong with you?
[Matthew] He's goin' around the field.
We'll get him on the next one. - You asshole!
He's goin' that way, you missed him you son of a bitch!
Matthew, next time you drive!
(engine hums)
Hey June.
Hi.
What are you doin' here?
I thought you'd be on the track.
Oh, I just have to make a few adjustments,
then I'm going out to practice.
Who's that, your older sister?
She's a workin' acquaintance.
Where's Rodney?
Up in the press room, she's expecting you.
Thanks.
(door thuds)
Hi Rodney. - Hi, how you doin'?
- This is Beverly. - Hi.
Hi Beverly, nice to meet you.
[Cody] Thanks for doin' this for me.
We need this film developed.
Sure, no problem.
Oh, by the way, it doesn't have to be good, just fast.
Fast, not good?
Sounds like most men I know. (Cody chuckles)
But I bet you'd be different.
[Cody] Just get in there, and call us when you're ready.
[Rodney] Okay, okay.
[Cody] Look Beverly, June's out there.
Sure can handle that car.
(engine hums)
Hey, here's one that looks a little different.
Looks like somebody standing in a doorway.
I'll bet that's the picture
those goons were after last night.
Listen, can you reprint that one and just blow up the face?
Sure, it'll take a couple minutes.
Okay, we'll come back.
(engine hums)
[Matthew] Come on, let's go look for that red car.
- All right. - We'll find this goon.
(doors thud)
Here's that blow up you wanted.
I'll be damned.
Can you believe this?
Well, we better get on this one right away.
[Beverly] Thanks.
- This is it. - Get those guns!
[Matthew] Let's go!
Let's go. - Got 'em.
[Man] Come on, Matthew, do we need these?
[Matthew] You need 'em!
(gun fires) (Beverly screams)
- Ah! - You're crazy, crazy!
Fuck off! (gun fires)
[Cody] Beverly, you okay?
Cody, take this, get away! (groans)
Okay babe, just hold on, I'll get some help.
(gun fires)
- Get the goon! - You're crazy.
(engine revs)
You're a lunatic.
What the hell's wrong with you, man?
[Matthew] Come on!
(suspenseful instrumental music)
(engine revs)
Come on.
(gun fires)
Go ahead.
(engine revs)
Shit.
(gun fires) - Get inside.
(engine hums)
Come on, let's move.
He's right over there, come on.
Move it!
(engine hums)
Yah!
God damn piece of shit gun.
Where is he? - I don't know.
(gun fires)
- Shit! - Ah!
(gun fires) - Let's go, let's go, come on!
(engine hums)
[Matthew] I'm gonna nail him with a grenade.
- No, not the grenade! - Just think for once!
(Matthew groans) Would you think for once?
I'll tell ya, this car is tits.
This car's tits.
Oh yeah?
Well if that car's tits, then what are these?
(Bill giggles)
[Luke] There he is, behind the car.
(gun fires) (man groans)
- Damn! - You lunatic, you just shot!
I don't believe it!
You just shot a freakin' kid.
This son of a bitch is a mad man.
[Luke] Shit.
Peg, Bill!
Cody, what the hell is goin' on?
Beverly's been shot behind the car, get some help, go!
I gotta take your car.
[June] You ain't leavin' without me!
Stay outta this!
[June] It's in reverse!
[Cody] Don't you think I know that?
(engine revs)
(gun fires)
Why are you shootin', he's already gone!
[Matthew] Shut your fuckin' mouth.
Yah!
Ha!
- Man. - Over there, go!
- Come on man. - You're slick man,
you're really slick.
Man, what's happenin' man? - Get in here.
Bring that old bastard out.
Come on.
- Move. - Let's go.
You know how to fly this thing?
Yeah.
Don't fool around.
[June] Oh wow, Cody.
Go for it.
(helicopter whirs)
Okay, old man.
Don't fool around.
You do what I tell you, or I'll blow your head off.
[Pilot] Okay, okay.
I'll do it, I'll do it.
Matthew, you're crazy man.
Who gonna fly this helicopter, you blow his head off?
I wanna go that way now.
I wanna find that race car.
Understand that?
[June] I love speed.
What's the matter Mark, you scared?
Up yours.
I don't wanna hear it.
There it is, over there.
- Speed really turns me on. - What?
(lively country music)
[June] Come on, don't you wanna play around a little?
No, I wanna be waitin' for those guys,
they went and shot Beverly, they're after us now.
[June] I don't care about Beverly.
Don't you wanna play with me?
I care about us!
Jesus, can you put those things away?
[Matthew] Somebody's makin' it, too.
That's disgusting, blow 'em away.
[Mark] I can't, all I see is tits.
[Cody] You don't understand,
these guys are playin' for keeps.
[June] It's my garage, you're not goin' fast.
[Cody] I'm doin' 185 miles an hour!
[June] That's nothin'!
[Cody] Could you get your head down?
I can't see the road! - [June] I'll get it down!
[Cody] You're not gettin' it down, all right,
now come on, outta my way!
I'd get down if you let me!
What about these, don't they look fun?
[Cody] Please no, come on!
Please, all I want, later, okay?
If we get outta this alive, please,
I promise you the time of your life.
[June] I want it now.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
I gotta lose these guys, June, come on!
I don't believe it, total rejection.
[Cody] Listen, any other time baby, just put 'me on ice.
[June] What are those guys doin' up there, anyway?
[Cody] They're trying to shoot us!
That's what they're doing!
[Mark] Matt, tell 'em to pull up a little closer.
I'll get a shot, I'll blow out his tires.
[June] Hey you guys, you wanna fool around?
[Mark] Say hello to these tits!
[June] Oh my god, he's got a gun!
[Cody] I've been telling you that!
[June] Floor it, Cody, step on it!
Faster, faster!
Pull away.
We'll circle around him, and we'll land on the highway.
Then his ass will be ours.
(helicopter hums)
Take it over that mountain, bastard.
(lively country music)
Holy shit, my goodness!
That must be one of those new turbos.
Woo!
(helicopter hums)
[Matthew] All right, put this thing down now.
[Pilot] Okay, okay, I'll do it, don't shoot.
[Matthew] Leave it in the middle of the road.
[Pilot] I'll be here.
The fuck are you goin'?
No!
[Mark] Don't go, what are you doin'?
- Damn, he's crazy man! - What are you doin'?
(gun fires)
[Man] What are you doin', man?
[Mark] Cops gonna be by here anytime.
[Matthew] I hope you have major heart attack!
[Mark] Calm down, man, I mean shit!
[Matthew] Put this fuckin' thing down now!
- Look out! - Oh my god, watch it!
(Matthew thuds) (Matthew screams)
[Cody] Oh shit!
(sign clatters)
[June] Oh my god!
Take cover, dive!
(explosion booms)
I don't believe it. - I told that meathead
to cool it with those live grenades.
0utta gas, outta road, and shit outta luck.
- Damn it. - Hey Luke,
let's get that turkey with the broad, come on.
- All right. - Come on, go, go!
$100,000, you think it could have doors.
They're coming after, too, come on!
[June] Let's go, come on!
You, get down!
(gun fires)
- That cannon he's got? - Get back.
[Luke] What is that?
[Mark] It's a 44!
(gun fires) Move out, come on!
Wait a minute, let's not kill 'em.
All right, Luke, let's just wing 'em.
Let's just wing 'em and break his ass in half.
- All right. - Come on, Cody, let's go!
(suspenseful music) (June pants)
Come on!
- They're there, over there! - Where, where?
Stay low, stay low.
- Come on! - Get down, get down!
(gun fires)
[June] Come on, Cody, they're gonna kill you!
[Mark] I'll go right, you the left.
(June screams)
[June] Oh my god, we gotta make it.
Let's go!
Cody, get off of me!
(gun fires)
(June screams)
Oh. - Where'd they go?
We're in big trouble.
No shit, Kemosabe.
You don't understand.
I only have one bullet left,
and I've never hit a moving target in my life.
Here he comes.
- Hey, look at these! - Ah, yeah.
(gun fires)
[Luke] Ah, shit! (groans)
There he is! (gun firing)
(Mark groans)
Go on, get his gun, I just winged him.
(Mark groans)
I know what you're thinkin'.
Did I shoot five, or did I shoot six, huh?
Go on, go for it, punk.
[Luke] Don't shoot me.
Ha-ha, you know this one's loaded.
(laughs) You were beautiful!
All right look,
we'll send somebody back for you and your buddy.
- You son of a bitch. - Come on.
- God damn it. - Easy.
Watch my side.
Slow man, slow.
Damn it. (groans)
Well, those guys won't need these guns anymore.
I'll tell you one thing,
June's gorgeous front porch really saved our ass.
Here comes a mobile home.
We gotta stop 'em.
How we gonna stop this thing?
Oh mercy, I'm gonna stop for this, Ellen.
I guess we must be near Hollywood.
Can we get a ride near Palm Springs, please?
What do you think, honey?
Sure can.
And bring the young lady with you too, will you please?
Yeah.
Y'all come right in.
(door thuds)
God bless you, sir.
God certainly blessed you, ma'am.
Well buckle up, here we go.
(lively country music)
- Thanks a lot. - Bye-bye!
Okay look, you're going back to Willow Springs, right?
Give this to Beverly when you get there.
Go to that general store down there,
see if you can't pick me up a box of these,
hollow tips, all right, a whole box.
Can't I go with you?
You and those were marvelous today,
but I gotta go it alone, okay?
Go get me those shells, now.
(phone rings)
Hello?
Yeah, she's here, Beverly, it's for you.
Is that you, Cody?
Yeah, no I'll be okay, where are you?
No, Cody, Cody, wait.
Just wait for me to bring some back up, please.
(up-tempo dance music)
(partygoers chatter)
A little gift from Shane before he got knocked off.
What do you think, Liza?
I don't like it or your despicable friends.
How dare you get me involved in this?
I invest in your company,
and you show me films of the jerk chauffeur
making out with Anita?
What's this all about, anyway?
(door hums)
(gun fires)
(women scream)
All right, everybody, this party's over!
Now move out!
Now! (women scream)
You and you, stay.
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
This is my home, and these are my clients.
How dare you break in here?
Sit down!
Why?
Why what?
[Cody] Why'd you kill Shane?
I didn't kill anybody.
[Cody] You killed Shane.
You don't have to listen to any of this.
You, I don't like you very much,
so you'd be doin' real good just to sit there
and be a good ol' boy.
Now shut up!
The night of the party, you went into Shane's room.
You not only stabbed him, but then you shot him,
and then you made it look like your brother Stuart did it.
You have no evidence.
(gentle electronic music)
This folder says I do.
The hell is going on here?
[Cody] Lieutenant, just in time.
And Beverly, it sure is good to see you up and around.
It's hard to keep a good cop down.
You wanna explain this to me, Cody?
I think you'll find this quite interesting, Lieutenant.
Our little lady here.
Has been quite busy.
[Liza] Damn you, Cody, what are you doin'?
Will you get this off of me?
[Lt. Arledge] I'll be damned.
[Cody] Here, take a look at this.
Both Liza and Johnathon were arrested.
Case closed, right?
Not so, I'd made a mistake.
The next morning, I invited everyone involved
to meet me on my boat.
Aw damn, not them again.
We're gonna get you your pink slip this time, boy.
Okay look, I feel it's only fair to warn you, though,
this here's my daddy's car.
He's got it all gussied up with power.
We got your gussied up.
My son here's a mechanical genius.
We got a car just waitin' for ya over at the racetrack.
Racetrack, are you guys serious?
Well, hey Daddy, it's just a little ol' Camaro,
ain't nothin' special.
That's right.
Once again, you're gonna eat our dust.
[Bobo] That's right.
By all means then, lead the way.
- Follow! - Follow us, come on!
(lively bluegrass music)
(motor rumbles)
(Buffingtons laugh) (Buffingtons cheer)
Don't touch the car, don't touch the car.
- Ha! - Hey, Al how's it goin'!
You know, we'll beat 'em.
First thing we're gonna do is blow Cody's doors off,
then I'm gonna buy you a big chili and tamale breakfast.
Oh, I don't eat stuff, nah.
What I want's a filet mignon, cheese, and some champagne.
Whatever you say, bean bag.
What the hell did he say?
- I don't know. - Here,
let's line this thing up.
- Yep! - Line 'em up.
[Bobo] Gimme my helmet, Mama!
[P.L.] Give him his helmet.
Come on, baby boy, come on, baby.
You gotta have your helmet.
Come on, wait a minute!
Get in the car, it's over here, boy!
Get in the car, be safe now, put on your seatbelt.
- Bye. - (laughs) Come on!
Come on, baby boy!
(laughs) Come on, boy!
(engine revs)
(engine rumbles)
(machine whirs)
What is that thing right there?
(pipes hiss)
(tires screech)
(engine revs)
God dang it!
Open the door, you old fool!
Don't call me a fool, we in public!
Get outta here and that red fuck is cheatin'!
[Bobo] He's cheatin' Daddy, he's cheatin'!
He is!
I tell you, it's a rocket. - He cheated!
He cheated!
- Dad burn it, you cheated us! - He cheated, you cheated!
(Buffingtons clamor)
Look, look, my daddy would want you to have this.
(engine hisses)
What'd he give you, Daddy?
It's a god damn silver bullet.
You, get outta my sight!
Don't bother my son!
[Bobo] He cheated, he cheated, you cheater!
(Buffingtons clamor)
(phone rings)
Sally's Phone and Lip Service, may I help you?
Yeah babe, it's Cody.
I just won my rocket race.
Oh Cody, it's you.
I love rockets.
I've seen your rocket, and it's big and beautiful.
Sally, listen. What about those people I had you line up
to meet me on the boat in a little while?
I've called them.
Cody, what's your ETA?
I'm on my way there now.
(gentle instrumental music)
I would like to propose a toast
to a young lady that we're all very happy
to have with us here today.
Liza, would you come out here?
[Lt. Arledge] Do you believe this, Beverly?
We just arrested her last night.
What the hell's she doin' here?
[Beverly] Lieutenant, what's the?
You all know Liza.
Certainly Lieutenant and Beverly know Douglas F. Wilton,
former District Attorney
and now high-ranking government official,
and chairman of my daddy's yacht club committee.
All right boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen,
get comfortable, and let me explain it to you.
I'd been up all night long at the CIA building
with Douglas Wilton.
By nine this morning, we'd gotten Liza released from jail.
But three hours earlier, around six this morning,
I was coming back from Willow Springs
where I'd gone back to pick up my car.
On the way back to my boat, I needed a cup of coffee.
Damn if I didn't run into Peggy,
one of the pretty girls from the health club.
Hi Cody.
- Peggy. - How are you?
[Cody] I can't complain.
Coming to the gym today?
Not today, pretty lady.
I've been up all night workin'.
Oh, I can get a big picture of that.
Picture.
Picture, that's it.
That was the key, I had it all the time,
right in front of me in black and white.
I'd been chased so hard by those three animals
I never really studied it.
I thought it was Liza.
This picture isn't Liza.
How did you know it wasn't me?
Well, I didn't hit me for a while.
We all know that you're left-handed.
Everything you do is with your left hand.
Shane's drawer was pried open by a right-handed person.
You could tell by the scratches.
The killer in the picture Shane took
was holding the gun in the right hand.
It couldn't have been you, Liza.
You ain't right-handed.
But if it wasn't me, and it wasn't Stuart,
who did kill Shane.
I knew it had to be a woman
because the height of the killer in the photo,
and all the guys around here are over six feet tall.
Couldn't have been the maid,
'cause I don't think she's smart enough to disguise herself.
Anita was too drunk, Lady Lillian had her leg in a cast.
The only one left was Luciana.
Luciana, but I thought she was with you.
So did I.
After I left Peggy in the coffee shop,
I went straight to Contessa Luciana's house.
I figured that since she'd left town, I'd have to break in,
but I didn't know it'd be this easy.
She'd left me a key and a note
telling me to go on in.
I went on in, found another note
telling me to play a tape recorder.
This lady was way ahead of me.
[Luciana] Cody, by the time you hear this,
I'll be in Hawaii.
I knew you wouldn't let an innocent person go to jail.
I did leave you some obvious clues,
and I knew your analytical mind
would eventually find them all.
I remember the first time we made love.
You were thirsty afterward, so the next time we made love
at the Chamberlain house after the party,
it was easy for me to give you a sleeping powder,
and I went downstairs to Shane's room and killed him.
I disguised myself as Liza in case I was spotted.
Shane took a picture of me before he died.
I purposely pried open his drawer from the right side,
then I intentionally took the wrong camera.
I counted on you to figure out
that the person in the picture was not Liza.
Shane was about to ruin the lives of people I love.
He was also a traitor and a threat to our national defense.
He was Johnathon Harper's courier to the Russians.
I'm not just another pretty face.
Of course, you will keep it confidential
that I work for the government, specifically Douglas Wilton.
Douglas and I planned Shane's elimination.
There are some things I can't tell you,
but Luciana was investigating Johnathon Harper.
Shane worked for Harper.
They were selling computer secrets for the Russians.
No one had been able to catch them.
Shane's murder brought in the police.
The federal agents needed to do this
to conceal their involvement.
The police, well they promptly arrested Stuart
by mistake.
Did Luciana send me those awful pictures, and why?
To throw the blame on Stuart.
[Luciana] I knew the pictures I sent of Shane with Anita
plus the pictures the police found of Shane with Stuart
would make Stuart the prime murder suspect
and allow me time to get out of town.
Lift the red cloth and you will see
how I disguised myself as Liza.
As you know, I'm an artist.
I was able to make a mask similar to this one
and wear it the night I killed Shane.
It will melt in a matter of seconds.
There will be no evidence.
- I don't believe it. - Except for your eyes only.
As I mentioned, I'm in Hawaii.
Two things are clear to me.
One, I had you figured correctly.
You're not only a very attractive man,
but an intelligent one, also.
And two, that you would help us get rid of Johnathon Harper.
As soon as you can wrap up the situation,
I want you and your body over here.
I can't wait.
I'm counting the days.
Ciao, Cody. (speaks in foreign language)
(chuckles) Oh my.
(tape hisses)
You see, Johnathon was convinced that Liza killed Shane
because of the information he got from Maid Marian.
He sent those two outlaws to the Chamberlain beach house,
and then the three stooges to my boat and the racetrack
to try to kill me and get back the film.
He wanted to protect Liza and her money.
Funny thing is, if he had gotten a hold of that film,
he would've blackmailed her for the rest of her life.
Greed is such an awful thing.
Between murder, blackmail,
and selling computer secrets to our enemies,
I think Johnathon's gonna be put away for a long, long time.
I do wish Luciana hadn't killed Shane,
it's such an inconvenience.
Good help is so very hard to find, you know?
Except where you're concerned, Cody.
You're just a wonderful cowboy,
Why, you'd help any woman in distress, wouldn't you?
(lively instrumental music)
Would I help any woman in distress?
Yes ma'am, I would.
Oh, Cody Abeline.
My Abeline. (laughs)
♪ He left his pony somewhere down in Texas ♪
♪ And headed for the bright lights of L.A. ♪
♪ He made a lotta ladies cry ♪
♪ When he told them goodbye ♪
♪ And headed out across the Lonestar State ♪
♪ He still wears a beat up Stetson ♪
♪ And his blue jeans ♪
♪ His cowboy boots and a big old 44 ♪
♪ He drinks his whiskey straight ♪
♪ The only thing he likes to chase ♪
♪ Is bad guys and ladies of the night ♪
♪ So don't ever think the cowboys are all gone ♪
♪ 'Cause there's always one around to prove you wrong ♪
♪ They'll always be cowboys in the world ♪
♪ You might be buyin' him drinks ♪
♪ While he's stealin' your girl ♪
♪ They'll always be cowboys in the world ♪
♪ So ladies if you run across our hero ♪
♪ Be careful of his smooth-talkin' ways ♪
♪ He's just lookin' for romance ♪
♪ And if you want to take a chance ♪
♪ It might just be your lucky day ♪
♪ So don't ever think the cowboys are all gone ♪
♪ There's always one around to prove you wrong ♪
♪ There'll always be cowboys in the world ♪
♪ You might be buyin' him drinks ♪
♪ While he's stealin' your girl ♪
♪ There'll always be cowboys in the world ♪