1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:05,866 Thank you for being a friend. 2 00:00:05,937 --> 00:00:09,532 Traveled down the road and back again. 3 00:00:09,608 --> 00:00:15,342 Your heart is true You're a pal and a confidante. 4 00:00:16,648 --> 00:00:19,845 And if you threw a party. 5 00:00:19,918 --> 00:00:24,753 Invited everyone you knew. 6 00:00:24,823 --> 00:00:28,759 You would see the biggest gift would be from me. 7 00:00:28,827 --> 00:00:31,796 And the card attached would say. 8 00:00:31,863 --> 00:00:37,597 Thank you for being a friend. 9 00:01:00,759 --> 00:01:03,922 Oh, great, great, wonderful! My daughter is lost! 10 00:01:03,995 --> 00:01:06,088 I'm just terrible at giving directions! 11 00:01:06,164 --> 00:01:09,036 I gave Kate the directions over the phone. 12 00:01:09,049 --> 00:01:11,932 And who are you, Rand McNally? 13 00:01:12,003 --> 00:01:14,836 You couldn't make a mistake? 14 00:01:14,906 --> 00:01:17,272 Shall I set this down someplace? 15 00:01:17,342 --> 00:01:21,142 No, Rose, go to the corner and open a stand! 16 00:01:22,414 --> 00:01:24,609 - Dorothy... - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 17 00:01:24,683 --> 00:01:28,483 It's just that I'm so anxious about meeting this guy that Kate's bringing. 18 00:01:28,553 --> 00:01:29,713 Do you think it's serious? 19 00:01:29,788 --> 00:01:32,780 Well, they've been together now for six months. 20 00:01:32,857 --> 00:01:37,089 That's the longest she's been interested in any man since Paul McCartney. 21 00:01:37,162 --> 00:01:40,757 Kate dated Paul McCartney? 22 00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:42,564 Yes, Rose. 23 00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:47,867 They wanted to get engaged, but I insisted that she finish grade school. 24 00:01:47,939 --> 00:01:50,533 Do you know anything about this boy's family background? 25 00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:53,840 - All I know is that he's a doctor. - A doctor! 26 00:01:53,912 --> 00:01:55,743 The heck with his background! 27 00:01:55,814 --> 00:01:58,374 Do you have any idea how much a doctor makes these days? 28 00:01:58,450 --> 00:02:00,782 No, I really don't care what he does for a living. 29 00:02:00,852 --> 00:02:05,516 I mean, the important thing is that he and Kate have a good relationship. 30 00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:06,614 (doorbell. 31 00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:10,821 'Course if they happen to get married, I will shout from every rooftop in Miami, 32 00:02:10,895 --> 00:02:14,023 "My son-in-law's a doctor!" 33 00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:16,590 - Hi, Mom! - Oh, baby! 34 00:02:16,668 --> 00:02:22,163 Oh, it is so good to see you! Oh, look everybody, look who's here! 35 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,677 - You look glorious! - Where is he? Where's your doctor? 36 00:02:26,745 --> 00:02:29,179 Dennis is at a seminar. I'll bring him by tomorrow. 37 00:02:29,247 --> 00:02:35,083 - I can't find my culottes! - Grandma, you look sensational! 38 00:02:37,322 --> 00:02:41,452 Relax, relax, you're already in the will! 39 00:02:43,461 --> 00:02:47,488 Before anyone does anything, I have a big announcement to make. 40 00:02:47,565 --> 00:02:51,331 As my mother has undoubtedly already told you and the rest of Miami, 41 00:02:51,403 --> 00:02:54,668 for the past six months, I've been seeing a doctor named Dennis. 42 00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:58,505 That's your big announcement? You call your doctor by his first name? 43 00:02:58,576 --> 00:03:03,445 Ma, Ma, he's her boyfriend. He just happens to be a doctor, OK? 44 00:03:03,515 --> 00:03:04,948 Fine! What's the point? 45 00:03:05,016 --> 00:03:07,814 The day after tomorrow, Dennis and I are flying to the Bahamas 46 00:03:07,886 --> 00:03:10,946 - and we're getting married. - Oh, that's terrific! 47 00:03:11,022 --> 00:03:15,652 - Oh! That's so exciting! - Oh, I can't, I can't believe it! 48 00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:21,188 Oh, I am so happy! My daughter is marrying a doctor! 49 00:03:21,966 --> 00:03:26,562 In the Bahamas. 50 00:03:26,638 --> 00:03:29,937 - You are getting married in the Bahamas? - This is fabulous. 51 00:03:30,008 --> 00:03:35,412 I always wanted to go to the Bahamas! Now where the hell are my culottes? 52 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:41,350 Oh, Kate, Kate, honey, I have always dreamed of giving you a wedding! 53 00:03:41,419 --> 00:03:43,546 Ever since I had your overbite fixed. 54 00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:46,749 Don't you think it would be awkward, with you and Dad not talking? 55 00:03:46,825 --> 00:03:51,091 Now just a minute! I am not the one who ran off to Maui with someone half my age 56 00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:53,892 and twice my bra size! 57 00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:57,662 You see what I mean? That's why we're getting married in the Bahamas. 58 00:03:57,736 --> 00:04:00,364 You are not getting married on an island by a priest 59 00:04:00,438 --> 00:04:04,204 wearing clam diggers and a Harry Belafonte shirt! 60 00:04:04,275 --> 00:04:06,106 You'll get married right here in Miami. 61 00:04:06,177 --> 00:04:09,704 Kate, I could put together a lovely reception here at the house. 62 00:04:09,781 --> 00:04:11,942 And I could take care of the catering! 63 00:04:12,016 --> 00:04:14,712 I have always dreamed of wearing a long, white gown 64 00:04:14,786 --> 00:04:18,654 and marching down the aisle on my father's arm. 65 00:04:19,424 --> 00:04:22,587 Who said anything about inviting your father? 66 00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:26,323 It wouldn't be much of a wedding without both of my parents there. 67 00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:29,265 Even if we got live doves? 68 00:04:32,036 --> 00:04:33,901 - Mother! - Oh, all right, honey. 69 00:04:33,972 --> 00:04:36,873 Your wedding day should be the most beautiful day of your life. 70 00:04:36,975 --> 00:04:40,775 And if you want to invite your father, I'm willing to keep the peace. 71 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,972 - Promise? - Promise. 72 00:04:43,047 --> 00:04:48,508 Then it's settled. Now call your father and tell the dirt bag he can come. 73 00:04:49,387 --> 00:04:52,379 Forget it, Mom. I can just as easily limbo down the aisle. 74 00:04:52,457 --> 00:04:56,393 Relax honey. I just want to get it all out of my system before he gets here. 75 00:04:56,461 --> 00:04:59,988 - Now go ahead, call him. - I'll call him. You talk to him. 76 00:05:00,064 --> 00:05:03,124 All right. If I can get through an entire wedding with him, 77 00:05:03,201 --> 00:05:06,693 I should be able to handle a simple phone conversation 78 00:05:06,771 --> 00:05:09,797 with that yellow-bellied sleazeball! 79 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:15,608 Hello, Stan? Dorothy... Dorothy Zbornak... 80 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:19,980 The one who gave you the best years of her thighs. 81 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:24,288 Yes, I'm fine, fine... 82 00:05:24,355 --> 00:05:26,550 Yeah, it has been a long time. 83 00:05:26,624 --> 00:05:31,994 Yeah, well, you know, after two years, I figured you weren't coming back. 84 00:05:32,063 --> 00:05:35,726 I'll tell you the reason I'm calling you - Kate is getting married. 85 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,361 Yes, married... Yes, yes, in a few days, 86 00:05:39,437 --> 00:05:43,237 and I'm giving her a little wedding here in Miami and I wanted to invite you. 87 00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:46,903 Can you come? You can? Great. 88 00:05:46,978 --> 00:05:50,812 Oh, Chrissy can't, oh... 89 00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:54,010 Oh, I'm so sorry... 90 00:05:55,153 --> 00:06:01,683 Oh, really? No, I didn't know that could happen from a tanning machine. 91 00:06:04,295 --> 00:06:08,732 Oh, she'll be thrilled to see you too! She's standing right here. Hold on. 92 00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:13,264 - Dorothy, you were magnificent! - You certainly were! How did you do it? 93 00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,966 I just kept telling myself that once he was here, 94 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,703 he'd be close enough to kill. 95 00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:34,450 I can't believe Stan has the nerve to show his face at this wedding! 96 00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:37,017 The man has a right to see his daughter get married! 97 00:06:37,095 --> 00:06:41,293 - I never should have called him. - You never should have married him! 98 00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:44,124 - Hi, hi, hi! - Oh, hi, Blanche. 99 00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:47,535 Are my little wedding elves still busy packing their tiny bundles? 100 00:06:47,605 --> 00:06:50,597 Wedding elves. 101 00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:56,240 It's that cheap hair dye she uses. It finally ate through! 102 00:06:56,614 --> 00:06:59,515 - No, we're doing fine, Blanche. - Oh, no, honey! 103 00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:04,681 - You're using too much rice! - Fine! This elf quits! 104 00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:08,657 I never understood why people throw rice at weddings anyway. 105 00:07:08,726 --> 00:07:11,593 Because tomatoes leave stains. 106 00:07:14,532 --> 00:07:18,969 Could I talk to you two ladies in the living room, please? 107 00:07:24,576 --> 00:07:31,038 I have some very distressing news. Sophia's been pilfering cheese balls. 108 00:07:34,352 --> 00:07:35,352 What? 109 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:40,255 This morning, I made 48 cheese balls. There are now 26. 110 00:07:40,325 --> 00:07:42,725 24! 111 00:07:50,668 --> 00:07:52,659 Hi, Mom! Mom, this is... 112 00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:58,073 Don't tell me! Don't tell me! It's Dennis! Oh, my God, he's beautiful! 113 00:07:58,142 --> 00:08:01,134 - It's a pleasure to meet you. - Oh, flowers! 114 00:08:01,212 --> 00:08:06,650 Oh, my! You know, your father used to bring me tulips every time we had a fight. 115 00:08:06,718 --> 00:08:11,178 Toward the end, our place looked like Easter in Rotterdam. 116 00:08:13,358 --> 00:08:16,156 It's good to see that you're not bitter. 117 00:08:16,227 --> 00:08:18,559 Everybody, I'd like you to meet my future son-in-law. 118 00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:21,463 This is Dennis, the gorgeous doctor! 119 00:08:21,532 --> 00:08:24,399 Dennis, I'd like you to meet my best friends. This is Rose. 120 00:08:24,469 --> 00:08:25,936 - Hello, Rose. - That's Blanche. 121 00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:27,004 How do you do? 122 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:30,598 And that's Sophia. That's Kate's grandma. 123 00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:36,307 You got your stethoscope? I wouldn't mind a freebie! 124 00:08:36,381 --> 00:08:38,906 Grandma, Dennis doesn't have a stethoscope. 125 00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:41,110 Of course not. He's on vacation! 126 00:08:41,185 --> 00:08:44,951 That's not what I mean - Dennis is a podiatrist. 127 00:08:45,023 --> 00:08:49,119 Oh, oh, a foot doctor. 128 00:08:49,193 --> 00:08:52,253 Ah, why don't we all sit down. 129 00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,924 - Not there, not there. - Oh... 130 00:08:54,999 --> 00:09:00,631 Well, a podiatrist. Well, that's a very fascinating profession. 131 00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:05,638 Tell me, Dennis, approximately how many feet do you see in a week? 132 00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:08,338 Between my partners and me, we see quite a few. 133 00:09:08,413 --> 00:09:14,249 - Oh, it's a partnership. - Have you ever met Dr. Scholl? 134 00:09:15,687 --> 00:09:18,383 Let's get to the point! What do you take home a week? 135 00:09:18,456 --> 00:09:20,822 Ma! 136 00:09:21,859 --> 00:09:26,319 It's all right, I understand. Sophia, I am crazy about Kate 137 00:09:26,397 --> 00:09:28,831 and I promise you she will never want for anything. 138 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,731 Oh! 139 00:09:31,436 --> 00:09:34,337 I told you he was special. Do you think Dad'll like him? 140 00:09:34,405 --> 00:09:38,569 Of course! As long as he stays young and firm. 141 00:09:43,781 --> 00:09:48,480 Oh, Dennis, it's going to be a pleasure welcoming you into our little family! 142 00:09:48,553 --> 00:09:53,286 And I just hope that you and Kate have all the happiness in the world! 143 00:09:53,357 --> 00:09:57,919 Me too. And maybe one of your children will be a real doctor! 144 00:10:02,066 --> 00:10:04,330 (doorbell. 145 00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:09,535 Hi, it was really... 146 00:10:10,808 --> 00:10:12,799 (doorbell 147 00:10:16,781 --> 00:10:19,375 Dorothy, it's Stan. Didn't you recognize me? 148 00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:23,784 Of course I recognized you. That's why I slammed the door in your face. 149 00:10:24,288 --> 00:10:26,279 - Still the jokester, huh? - Yes. 150 00:10:26,357 --> 00:10:30,885 And speaking of jokes, Stan, that is some toupee you've got. 151 00:10:32,697 --> 00:10:34,130 - Oh. - Oh, Rose. 152 00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:36,860 I'd like you to meet my ex-husband, Stan Zbornak. 153 00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:39,402 - Hello. - And this is his hair. 154 00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:45,335 It's a pleasure to meet you both. 155 00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:49,841 Hello. Who invited Donny Osmond? 156 00:10:49,914 --> 00:10:53,350 - Ma, this is Stan. - Hello, Sophia. 157 00:10:53,417 --> 00:10:55,351 It's the hair. It makes me look different. 158 00:10:55,419 --> 00:10:59,355 - It makes you look stupid. - Oh, hello there. 159 00:10:59,423 --> 00:11:01,857 Stan, I'd like you to meet my friend Blanche. 160 00:11:01,926 --> 00:11:03,188 Charmed. 161 00:11:03,261 --> 00:11:04,728 - Daddy? - Oh. 162 00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:08,892 - Oh. - Hello, princess! 163 00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:14,562 - Oh, you look absolutely beautiful! - I'm so glad you're here! 164 00:11:14,639 --> 00:11:19,099 - Thank you for coming. - Don't thank me. Thank your mother. 165 00:11:19,177 --> 00:11:21,372 There aren't too many women around who could swallow their pride 166 00:11:21,445 --> 00:11:24,073 after what went down between us. 167 00:11:24,148 --> 00:11:26,844 You're awesome, babe. Absolutely awesome. 168 00:11:27,151 --> 00:11:29,381 Shh! 169 00:11:30,188 --> 00:11:32,656 We better get to the church. Don't you think so? 170 00:11:32,723 --> 00:11:34,122 - Yeah. - Uh... 171 00:11:34,192 --> 00:11:36,319 Grandma, why don't you come with me and Daddy. 172 00:11:36,394 --> 00:11:39,955 Come on, Sophia. It'll be fun. We can catch up with old times. 173 00:11:40,031 --> 00:11:42,124 No, we can't. I had a stroke. 174 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,192 Luckily, my memories of you were wiped out! 175 00:11:47,638 --> 00:11:50,539 - See ya. - Bye. 176 00:11:50,608 --> 00:11:52,041 Dorothy, are you all right? 177 00:11:52,109 --> 00:11:54,942 Oh, she's a trouper. She'll be fine. Won't you, Dorothy? 178 00:11:55,012 --> 00:11:57,606 Not until I taste his blood! 179 00:11:57,682 --> 00:12:00,549 Now, you don't mean that. I want you to take a deep breath 180 00:12:00,618 --> 00:12:05,851 and think pleasant thoughts. Come on, now. One, two, three. 181 00:12:05,923 --> 00:12:07,413 I'm not going! 182 00:12:07,491 --> 00:12:10,016 Dorothy! Your daughter's getting married! 183 00:12:10,094 --> 00:12:11,959 I cannot be in the same room with him! 184 00:12:12,029 --> 00:12:14,793 I know I'll do something crazy and just ruin the whole wedding! 185 00:12:14,866 --> 00:12:17,562 Blanche and I'll be right beside you. Nothing can happen. 186 00:12:17,635 --> 00:12:20,297 - I cannot do it! - All right! I've heard enough! 187 00:12:20,371 --> 00:12:23,431 We are talking about your daughter's wedding, Dorothy Zbornak! 188 00:12:23,507 --> 00:12:27,671 Now you get on your feet, get out that door! March! 189 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:33,241 Oh, all right. All right, I'm going. 190 00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:39,113 But if anything awful happens, it's on your heads! 191 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:46,786 Oh, she's really upset. We better keep an eye on her. 192 00:12:46,864 --> 00:12:52,632 You're right. We better stick to her like a tight shirt on a sweaty farmhand! 193 00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:58,539 You know the type, with the big biceps and the hairy chest, 194 00:12:58,609 --> 00:13:02,773 just glistening in the hot sun... 195 00:13:02,847 --> 00:13:05,941 I'm sorry, what were we talking about? 196 00:13:07,785 --> 00:13:11,619 - Dorothy. - Oh, Dorothy! Oh, that's right! 197 00:13:28,205 --> 00:13:30,867 I'm not saying this because she is my daughter, 198 00:13:30,942 --> 00:13:35,345 but she was the best Abraham Lincoln the third grade ever saw. 199 00:13:35,413 --> 00:13:39,747 No, when she freed the second grade, there was not a dry eye in the house. 200 00:13:39,817 --> 00:13:42,115 Somehow I just can't picture Kate as Abraham Lincoln. 201 00:13:42,186 --> 00:13:47,488 Oh, Stan, do me a favor? Take off your hair and hold it up to Kate's chin. 202 00:13:48,926 --> 00:13:52,885 - Mother, you promised! - I know, I know. Just ignore me, Stan. 203 00:13:52,964 --> 00:13:56,627 It should be easy. You've had plenty of practice. 204 00:13:56,701 --> 00:13:59,135 Princess, before I forget, I want to invite you and Dennis 205 00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:02,536 to come spend some time with Chrissy and me in our new house in Maui. 206 00:14:02,606 --> 00:14:05,575 - That sounds great! - Yeah, yeah, it's primo! 207 00:14:05,643 --> 00:14:10,307 Listen, I have some pictures. Take a look at that stretch of beach, huh? 208 00:14:10,381 --> 00:14:13,873 That's our house. That's Chrissy on a new Hobie Cat. 209 00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:17,011 That's Chrissy in a hot tub. That's me and Chrissy at a luau. 210 00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:20,421 Is she the one with the apple in her mouth? 211 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:23,886 Ma! 212 00:14:23,961 --> 00:14:28,898 You know, she looks pretty good for being in the ground for two hours. 213 00:14:28,966 --> 00:14:33,130 - Rose, Rose, what are you doing? - Watching the cheese balls. 214 00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:37,106 - You're supposed to be watching Dorothy! - I was watching Dorothy! 215 00:14:37,174 --> 00:14:39,836 But every time I watch her, Sophia eats a cheese ball. 216 00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:45,314 Honey, let her have the darn cheese balls. Nobody else wants them! 217 00:14:45,383 --> 00:14:49,683 - Cheese ball, Father? - Oh, yes, thank you very much. 218 00:14:52,156 --> 00:14:55,250 Now I know what I'm giving up for Lent! 219 00:14:59,697 --> 00:15:02,723 Stanley, would you be a dear and get me some champagne? 220 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,240 It's always a pleasure to get a drink for an attractive woman. 221 00:15:05,302 --> 00:15:09,068 I'll get one for you too, Dorothy. 222 00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:12,309 Would you excuse us? 223 00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:16,073 Have you ever met a man who knows how to push all your buttons? 224 00:15:16,147 --> 00:15:20,607 Just once. He was a cabana boy in Pensacola. 225 00:15:22,119 --> 00:15:24,747 I am never going to get through this. I just hate him too much. 226 00:15:24,822 --> 00:15:27,848 - I know I'm gonna do something crazy! - You just simmer down, missy. 227 00:15:27,925 --> 00:15:30,416 Sit down here. I want to talk to you, Dorothy. 228 00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,621 Listen, I know this isn't easy for you, so... 229 00:15:32,696 --> 00:15:35,790 I'm gonna let you in on a sorority secret that was passed on to me 230 00:15:35,866 --> 00:15:38,061 at Miss MacGyver's Finishing School. 231 00:15:38,135 --> 00:15:40,899 Now, whenever you feel you're about to lose control, 232 00:15:40,971 --> 00:15:43,872 just take my hand and give it a little squeeze. 233 00:15:43,941 --> 00:15:46,774 I guarantee you'll feel 100% better. 234 00:15:46,844 --> 00:15:49,039 And that's the big secret? 235 00:15:49,113 --> 00:15:52,810 Oh, no! The big secret was that Miss MacGyver and Miss McKinney 236 00:15:52,883 --> 00:15:56,375 were sharing a one-bedroom apartment off campus. 237 00:15:57,855 --> 00:16:00,847 Oh, will you... 238 00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:04,554 Here you go, ladies. Dorothy, would you like some hors d'oeuvres? 239 00:16:04,628 --> 00:16:07,153 - No, thank you, Stan. - Blanche, would you care for something? 240 00:16:07,231 --> 00:16:09,426 Doesn't look like you're fighting the battle of the bulge. 241 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,492 Oh, ow, ow. No, thank you, Stan. 242 00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:19,240 Well, then, I'd like to make a toast. Your attention please, everybody. 243 00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:21,676 To my son-in-law and my daughter - 244 00:16:21,745 --> 00:16:25,078 may she be as happy with her new life mate as I am with mine. 245 00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:27,174 Hear, hear! 246 00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:39,228 Blanche, don't you think it's time we cut the cake? 247 00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:41,858 Oh, yes, I do, Rose! 248 00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:47,734 Who invited the priest? You know I can't cut loose with a priest around. 249 00:16:47,805 --> 00:16:51,332 Sophia, he happens to be a very nice man. 250 00:16:51,408 --> 00:16:54,605 He gives me the creeps. He's been following me. 251 00:16:54,678 --> 00:16:58,739 They always follow the old people. 252 00:16:58,816 --> 00:17:03,276 It's like parking tickets. They got a last rites quota. 253 00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:06,784 Sophia, there you are. I've been looking all over for you. 254 00:17:06,857 --> 00:17:09,018 Buzz off, Padre. 255 00:17:12,396 --> 00:17:16,526 - Rose, where's Dorothy? - I don't know. She was here a minute ago. 256 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,034 - Uh-oh. - Oh, my God! 257 00:17:23,641 --> 00:17:26,075 - Give me that knife! - What are you doing? 258 00:17:26,143 --> 00:17:28,543 I can't let you go through with this! 259 00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:33,106 Do you want to spend the rest of your life rotting away in some disgusting jail cell, 260 00:17:33,184 --> 00:17:37,280 bribing screws for cigarettes and toilet paper? 261 00:17:37,821 --> 00:17:41,257 Rose, in Miami, it is not a felony to cut the wedding cake! 262 00:17:41,325 --> 00:17:43,350 Cut the wedd... 263 00:17:46,263 --> 00:17:48,754 Oh, I thought you were gonna stab Stan. 264 00:17:48,832 --> 00:17:51,392 Don't be ridiculous! Do you honestly believe 265 00:17:51,468 --> 00:17:53,959 I would stab Stan at my own daughter's wedding? 266 00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:56,973 - Oh, no, I guess not. - Well, of course not! 267 00:17:57,041 --> 00:18:01,273 I would wait until after the wedding. There are too many witnesses. 268 00:18:01,345 --> 00:18:03,506 No, no! 269 00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:07,517 - Kidding... - Oh, don't do that to me! 270 00:18:14,725 --> 00:18:18,320 - What are you doing? - I just want to be by myself for awhile. 271 00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:24,163 - It's time to throw rice at the kids. - I don't think I can go back out there. 272 00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:27,261 - You're acting like a jerk. - Thanks, Ma. Thanks. 273 00:18:27,338 --> 00:18:29,602 That really makes me feel a lot better. 274 00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:34,576 Don't get smart with your mother! Listen, Dorothy, I love you dearly, 275 00:18:34,645 --> 00:18:37,409 but you're not the first woman to be dumped by her husband. 276 00:18:37,481 --> 00:18:42,214 Oh, Ma, Ma, it's not what he did. I mean, I've learned to live with that. 277 00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:43,913 It's the way he did it. 278 00:18:43,988 --> 00:18:46,320 The least he could have done was tell me to my face. 279 00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:49,553 If you're so angry with him, tell him. You don't have to kill him. 280 00:18:49,627 --> 00:18:52,858 I know. But I want to. 281 00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,798 Dorothy, anger is a lot like a piece of shredded wheat 282 00:18:56,867 --> 00:19:00,200 caught under your dentures. 283 00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:06,232 If you leave it there, you get a blister and you gotta eat Jell-O all week. 284 00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:11,645 If you get rid of it, the sore heals, and you feel better. 285 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:16,618 Anger is like a piece of shredded wheat? 286 00:19:17,087 --> 00:19:20,022 You want poetry, you listen to Neil Diamond. 287 00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:23,924 You want good advice? You listen to your mother. 288 00:19:23,994 --> 00:19:25,484 Maybe you're right. 289 00:19:25,562 --> 00:19:31,228 Of course I'm right. You think I got this old by being stupid? 290 00:19:31,302 --> 00:19:36,330 You know, you're the greatest mother in the world. 291 00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:39,240 Tell me something I don't know. 292 00:19:41,145 --> 00:19:43,978 (overlapping chatter. 293 00:19:52,356 --> 00:19:55,450 Well, Mother, I guess this is it. 294 00:19:55,526 --> 00:19:57,756 Goodbye, sweetheart! 295 00:19:57,828 --> 00:20:01,059 Now listen, you be a good wife, you hear? 296 00:20:01,131 --> 00:20:04,259 Be his friend, be his lover. Don't be his slave. 297 00:20:04,335 --> 00:20:09,671 Mom, Mom, we'll talk when I get back. Thank you for everything. 298 00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:12,368 - I love you. - Oh, I love you too. 299 00:20:12,443 --> 00:20:15,435 And I love you too, Dennis! 300 00:20:16,113 --> 00:20:18,377 Goodbye, Dorothy. 301 00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:23,216 Listen, don't take any guff from her, you hear? But take good care of her. 302 00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:25,653 Because if you don't, I'll kill you, you know that. 303 00:20:26,056 --> 00:20:29,423 Oh, OK, everybody out! Goodbye, out! 304 00:20:29,493 --> 00:20:30,824 Goodbye! 305 00:20:34,398 --> 00:20:37,993 - Bye! - Be happy! Be happy! 306 00:20:38,068 --> 00:20:40,662 I really... 307 00:20:45,776 --> 00:20:49,371 Dorothy, it was great. Thanks for the hospitality. 308 00:20:49,446 --> 00:20:53,007 - Sophia, girls, take care. - Oh, Stan, just a minute. 309 00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,142 I'd like to talk to you. 310 00:20:55,219 --> 00:20:56,777 Well, sure, OK. 311 00:20:56,854 --> 00:21:00,255 Let's go where we can have some privacy. 312 00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:12,258 Have a seat. 313 00:21:15,672 --> 00:21:16,730 What can I do for you? 314 00:21:16,807 --> 00:21:21,267 The first thing you can do is get rid of that ridiculous toupee. 315 00:21:21,345 --> 00:21:23,939 I want to speak to the bald guy who left me. 316 00:21:24,014 --> 00:21:27,677 Ow! What's the matter with you? 317 00:21:27,751 --> 00:21:32,415 - You walked out on me, Stanley Zbornak! - Now I know why. 318 00:21:32,489 --> 00:21:36,550 You walked out on me and you didn't have the decency to tell me you were leaving. 319 00:21:36,627 --> 00:21:40,393 I heard it from some lawyer over the telephone. 320 00:21:40,798 --> 00:21:46,168 A stranger, Stanley, a total stranger, told me that my marriage was over. 321 00:21:46,236 --> 00:21:50,297 - Dorothy, look, things happened. - Things happened? 322 00:21:50,374 --> 00:21:55,437 You're damn right things happened. 38 years happened. 323 00:21:55,512 --> 00:22:01,576 38 years of sharing and crying and dreaming and fighting 324 00:22:01,652 --> 00:22:09,286 and loving and children and diapers and school plays and Little League. 325 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:12,624 And worrying if you'd get through your gallbladder surgery. 326 00:22:12,696 --> 00:22:18,191 And wondering if I'd get through another Sunday dinner at your mother's house. 327 00:22:18,268 --> 00:22:22,728 And the lean years, when the business failed. 328 00:22:22,806 --> 00:22:27,641 And the good years, and the happy Christmases. 329 00:22:28,779 --> 00:22:31,577 All those things happened. And because they happened, 330 00:22:31,648 --> 00:22:35,089 I deserved better than a stinking phone call 331 00:22:35,102 --> 00:22:38,554 from my husband's legal representative. 332 00:22:38,622 --> 00:22:41,182 You had a choice and you took the easy way out. 333 00:22:41,258 --> 00:22:44,955 And it was a rotten thing to do! 334 00:22:46,330 --> 00:22:48,890 But now you're here in front of me and you can't run away. 335 00:22:48,966 --> 00:22:53,960 And I finally get to have what you tried to cheat me out of. 336 00:22:54,438 --> 00:22:58,101 I finally get to say goodbye, Stanley. 337 00:22:58,775 --> 00:23:03,371 - Look, Dorothy, we... - I said goodbye, Stanley. 338 00:23:22,566 --> 00:23:24,966 Honey, we just saw Stanley leaving. Are you all right? 339 00:23:25,035 --> 00:23:27,833 - I'm fine. - I wouldn't be fine! 340 00:23:27,905 --> 00:23:30,840 I don't know what I'd have done if Charlie had suddenly paid a visit! 341 00:23:30,908 --> 00:23:33,900 He's dead! You would have fainted! 342 00:23:34,945 --> 00:23:37,413 Are you... Are you really all right? 343 00:23:37,481 --> 00:23:39,506 I'm feeling a little better. 344 00:23:39,583 --> 00:23:42,074 And tomorrow you're gonna feel a lot better. 345 00:23:42,152 --> 00:23:44,143 And the next day, maybe better still. 346 00:23:44,221 --> 00:23:47,122 - And the next day, maybe... - That's right, Dorothy. 347 00:23:47,190 --> 00:23:51,820 And then one day, Stanley's gonna be out of your life completely. 348 00:23:51,895 --> 00:23:53,886 Not completely. 349 00:23:53,964 --> 00:23:57,331 There will always be a little part of him that stays with me. 350 00:23:57,401 --> 00:24:01,064 Of course, Dorothy. After 38 years, there are always bound to be 351 00:24:01,138 --> 00:24:06,667 - some memories that stay with you. - I wasn't talking about memories. 352 00:24:06,743 --> 00:24:09,337 I was talking about this.