1 00:01:27,541 --> 00:01:31,832 For one thousand centuries... 2 00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:36,999 the Falafel family has ruled the deserts with one thing: 3 00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:38,749 Speed! 4 00:01:39,041 --> 00:01:43,332 We have the fastest camels and the fastest horses! 5 00:01:43,416 --> 00:01:46,290 Now, due to... 6 00:01:47,583 --> 00:01:49,999 ...you know what... 7 00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:54,749 ...we have the fastest planes... 8 00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:58,332 ...the fastest boats and the fastest cars! 9 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,874 Except for one: yours! 10 00:02:01,416 --> 00:02:06,040 Last year I sent you to America for one simple task. 11 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:07,832 So simple. 12 00:02:07,916 --> 00:02:12,249 To emblazon the Falafel name as the fastest in the world 13 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:16,124 by winning the Cannonball Run. 14 00:02:16,833 --> 00:02:19,749 And you... failed! 15 00:02:21,666 --> 00:02:24,874 - A thousand thanks! - But Lion of the deserts... 16 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,249 ...King of Kings... 17 00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:33,165 - ...Pop! - No excuses, you son of my ugliest wife! 18 00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:38,665 A thousand thanks! 19 00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:48,624 How come you have a blond, blue-eyed slave, hm? 20 00:02:50,291 --> 00:02:54,040 He's an actor. Hasn't had a series in seven years. 21 00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:56,665 Nine! 22 00:02:59,791 --> 00:03:03,040 - Two thousand thanks! - I know I didn't win, Pop. 23 00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:06,249 I was sick. My ulcer... 24 00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:10,249 I order you back to America... 25 00:03:10,666 --> 00:03:13,624 ...to win the Cannonball Run! 26 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:16,749 I give you one last chance, because... 27 00:03:17,541 --> 00:03:20,165 ...you are my only son with a driver's license. 28 00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:24,540 - But Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year. - So? 29 00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:30,082 - Buy one. - Of course! 30 00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:55,749 - Couple of wise guys behind us. - Slow down. Let's see how ballsy they are. 31 00:03:57,333 --> 00:04:03,249 - Wow! What a couple of great-looking chicks! - So much for boredom! - Let's nail 'em! 32 00:05:03,666 --> 00:05:06,749 - Wise broads. - They can't outrun the radio. 33 00:05:06,791 --> 00:05:09,999 Charlie, you got one heading your way. You'll see it in about three minutes. 34 00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:13,999 You're three minutes are up! Man, a couple of great-looking chicks! 35 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:30,874 Road's straight as an arrow. I can see for five miles. Wonder where they are? 36 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:35,582 Don't panic. Just watch the side roads for dust. No way they can shake us. 37 00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:48,499 - You heard me? I think we lost 'em. - How can you lose a white Lamborghini 38 00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:54,165 - with two chicks in the middle of nowhere? - What is this? A quiz? We lost 'em, okay? 39 00:05:54,291 --> 00:05:57,749 Haha. I just found 'em, son. This here's the end of the hunt. 40 00:05:57,875 --> 00:05:59,582 Good luck, buddy! 41 00:06:03,833 --> 00:06:07,582 Figure, they gotta be between us. Just pull out and block the damn' road. 42 00:06:08,791 --> 00:06:11,832 You got any other bright ideas? 43 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,082 I'm eastbound in pursuit of a white Lamborghini. 44 00:06:35,166 --> 00:06:37,832 This is not a recording. 45 00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:03,874 Hey, thanks for the hose job! 46 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,790 If I tell you boys something, you won't think I've been drinking, will ya? 47 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,499 The white Lamborghini is vanished, but there's a red one behind me honking its horn. 48 00:07:27,625 --> 00:07:32,290 Correction! It's passing me, and it's got two great-looking chicks in it! 49 00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:58,749 - You know Marcie, we've got this routine down. - Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball. 50 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:01,624 Oh yeah, I think so. How far is Redondo Beach? 51 00:08:02,083 --> 00:08:04,749 - 150 miles. - Hm, an hour flat. 52 00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:07,582 What are we waiting for? Let's go! 53 00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:41,832 Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the fifth annual Madera air show. 54 00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:46,790 The greatest, most sensational gathering of stunt pilots and daredevils in the US. 55 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,749 Displays of flying and courage like you've never seen before... 56 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,832 ...concluding with the most death-defying stunt of them all: 57 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,582 The human Bomb! So grab your kids, grab your hats. 58 00:08:57,750 --> 00:09:00,624 The festivities will begin shortly! 59 00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:09,165 Are you sure this is a good idea, J.J? 60 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,540 A good idea? 61 00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,582 - We're gonna get so rich. - Rich? - Rich! 62 00:09:15,791 --> 00:09:19,499 We're gonna split everything 50/50 right down the middle. We're partners! 63 00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:22,749 - Partners? - You bet. We're friends, aren't we? - Partners and friends. 64 00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:26,374 - And we're gonna be rich. - Rich partners and friends. - That's right! 65 00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:30,582 - What if something goes wrong? - What could go wrong? 66 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:35,790 We've got the ace dive bomber pilot from World War II. 67 00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:39,290 - Dive bomber? - Oh yeah. He'll let you go right out of the plane... 68 00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:43,165 ...with this. And you'll go right through that target. - Target? - Right through... 69 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,915 - ...and into a net, strong net... - Net? 70 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:49,790 And if you go through the net, then you'll land in some hay. I mean, so much hay 71 00:09:49,916 --> 00:09:53,624 - you could feed all the cattle in Texas. - What am I worried about? 72 00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:56,832 - Nothing! Are you crazy? - I'm so glad you're laughing. 73 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:01,665 He can't miss! He can't miss! I bless you. You will not miss. 74 00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:05,040 - J.J., I'm still scared. - You're still scared? - Yeah. 75 00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:09,415 Well, if you're scared, you could always have "him" do it. 76 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:13,665 "Him" doesn't come unless there's grave danger to human life. 77 00:10:14,666 --> 00:10:16,332 Right... 78 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,915 You oughta call "him". 79 00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,374 Hello, this is Jack smith. 80 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:30,165 We've brought our cameras to record for our 30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber, 81 00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:34,290 flying on a simulated attack run, drop a human bomb. 82 00:10:34,583 --> 00:10:37,749 A man encased in steel, risking life and limb, 83 00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:40,915 hurtling to the ground at 140 miles per hour! 84 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,915 Now, this is a man of such great courage 85 00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:46,332 that he's destined to become a household name. 86 00:10:46,541 --> 00:10:49,165 He'll be besieged for autographs, 87 00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,499 his picture will be on magazine covers all over the world. 88 00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:55,665 Millions of adoring women will be at his feet. 89 00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:58,582 He's bound to become a national celebrity. 90 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,290 Oh, shit... 91 00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:11,665 - J.J! Long time no see! - Nice to see you, Captain Chaos. 92 00:11:12,291 --> 00:11:16,249 - Listen, I'd like to take your place in the bomb. - Have no fear. "Him" is here. 93 00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:19,374 - It'd make me very happy. - You want it? - Yes. - You got it. 94 00:11:19,916 --> 00:11:22,749 - Thank you. - Suck in! - Okay. 95 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:24,999 What a guy! 96 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,540 Give me a D, give me a D, give me a D-E-U, 97 00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:40,040 give me a T, give me a T, T-S-C-H. 98 00:11:40,291 --> 00:11:43,415 Yea, Deutschland! Listen... 99 00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:46,624 - You think you might like a beer? - Hey! 100 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:51,040 - Hey! - Deutschland, Deutschland... - I want outta here! 101 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,999 You asked for it! 102 00:12:03,666 --> 00:12:06,124 Here he comes, folks... Here he is... 103 00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:09,040 One of the most dangerous stunts we've ever had performed in Madera. 104 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:16,124 On his final approach... This has to be perfect the first time around. 105 00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:46,165 That's my partner. What a team! 106 00:12:46,625 --> 00:12:49,749 The crash trucks are on their way. We'll have word on his condition in a minute. 107 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:52,624 What a pilot! What a pilot! Are you okay? 108 00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:56,249 Oh my goodness, did you see that? Wasn't that fantastic? 109 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,374 - I'm so terrifically happy... - Oh, shut up and get me outta here! 110 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,749 - Did you hear the crowd? We were terrific! - Get me out! 111 00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:05,624 I can just see us on PEOPLE magazine. We're gonna be a big hit! 112 00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:08,332 J.J., you seem a little shorter! 113 00:13:08,791 --> 00:13:12,499 - J.J., are you okay? You know something? I figured it out. - Yeah? 114 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:15,540 - If we do this ten times a day... - Yeah? - ...By the end of the year 115 00:13:15,666 --> 00:13:17,915 we're gonna be billionaires! 116 00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:21,249 - What is that? - Oh don't worry about that. It's the Cannonball Race. 117 00:13:21,291 --> 00:13:25,290 It's on again. A million dollars' the prize. Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires. 118 00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:31,665 - What did I say? - You want me to do this ten times a day? 119 00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:33,749 Nine? 120 00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:37,374 What a grouch! 121 00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:48,999 I asked you to come here out of respect for the family. 122 00:13:49,875 --> 00:13:52,915 In the past, the Cannelloni family 123 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:58,082 was the richest and most powerful family of all the families. 124 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:03,415 We controlled drugs, prostitution, extortion, 125 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,749 - prostitution, gambling... - Eh. 126 00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:10,915 You said "prostitution" twice. 127 00:14:11,041 --> 00:14:13,790 Well, I like it. And now... 128 00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:18,499 ...the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis, the Fettucinis... 129 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:22,749 ...and even the Raviolis are bigger than we are. 130 00:14:24,166 --> 00:14:25,374 And why? 131 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:31,999 - High interest rates? - Acid rain? - Japanese imports? 132 00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:39,749 None of the above. 133 00:14:40,541 --> 00:14:43,415 No... No... No. 134 00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,540 You I'm not even gonna answer. 135 00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:50,124 Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna be a test I... I would have studied. 136 00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:54,374 When I passed on the powers of the Don... 137 00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:56,999 ...to my son Don, 138 00:14:57,166 --> 00:15:00,040 making him Don Don, 139 00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,374 I had high hopes for him. 140 00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:07,332 And what has he done? He has only brought us disgrace... 141 00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:09,749 ...and shame. 142 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,082 Wait a minute... 143 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,040 This cat is dead. 144 00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:23,582 Get me a new cat. 145 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,749 Oh God... 146 00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:31,999 The cat could have been a contender. 147 00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,582 I should have thought... Thank you. 148 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,124 It's a tabby. Very nice. 149 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,290 It's a boy. 150 00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:52,499 Boys, go to Vegas. Lean on Don. 151 00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:57,749 - Don Don. - Hm? - We're here to straighten out your affairs. 152 00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:01,040 What are your assets? 153 00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:06,165 Well, I'm good-natured and I dress well. And some people think... 154 00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:12,290 - What about your liabilities? - Well, there is... 155 00:16:12,416 --> 00:16:14,749 ...one small liability. 156 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,082 What? 157 00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:19,374 Well... I could use a tummy tuck. 158 00:16:19,833 --> 00:16:22,165 A tummy tuck? A tummy tuck?! 159 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,165 - I'll kill him... I'll kill him. - Calm yourself. - I'll kill him. 160 00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:32,040 Don Don, do you have any outstanding markers? 161 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:35,499 - Look in the in-box. - Look in the in-box. 162 00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:42,249 30,000... It's not too outstanding, but it's a start. 163 00:16:44,416 --> 00:16:48,374 - Fenderbaum? - Hm. - Fenderbaum... 164 00:16:51,916 --> 00:16:57,249 - You better call Jim and tell him where his car is. - Me? I called last time. You call Jim. 165 00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:05,499 - Well, hi there! - Hi! Could I help you girls? 166 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,749 - This thing's stuck. - Oh yeah. Yeah. 167 00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:13,832 - Take a hike, Mike. - Yeah, get lost. 168 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:22,999 - Ugh. What a jerk! - Okay. What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey. 169 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,999 Hey, honey. Right here, yeah. Come on here, baby. 170 00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,165 Hi, sugar. 171 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:35,290 - You girls all right? - Could be. 172 00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:38,040 This is a beauty. Doesn't sound stock. 173 00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:42,499 It isn't. I took the six out and shoe-horned in a 383 hemi. 174 00:17:42,541 --> 00:17:45,999 - It's hot, baby. - Hey, you got room for two more? 175 00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:51,332 - I'm Marcie. - Yeah, and I'm Jill. - I'm George. - Let's go, Georgie. 176 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:59,499 L.A. Tower to Japan cargo. Report to hangar three. 177 00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:01,540 Roger, Tower. 178 00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:06,040 No luck. They want us in customs. They'll impound your car for two days. 179 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:09,374 That means, you're gonna miss the race. What do you want to do? 180 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,749 - Okay, down! - Okay. 181 00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:15,499 Change of plans. You're bailing out. 182 00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,540 - Button up! - Roger. 183 00:18:21,583 --> 00:18:24,332 Battle stations! 184 00:19:04,583 --> 00:19:06,665 Okay, make us invisible. 185 00:19:51,583 --> 00:19:55,415 I know you're in there, Blake. I can hear the ice cubes. 186 00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:58,915 This is me, Fenderbaum. So open up! 187 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,290 Blake, I know you're in there! 188 00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,749 The Candy Man can. 189 00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:34,082 Everybody loves somebody, sometime... 190 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,832 When I make a dry martini, I make a dry martini. 191 00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:50,332 - There's somebody at the window. - That's just the window cleaner. 192 00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:56,374 - Honey, who is it? - I don't know. There's nobody there. 193 00:20:56,791 --> 00:20:57,999 Blake! 194 00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:04,124 - Open up the window! - I'll be back in a minute. Don't go away. 195 00:21:05,416 --> 00:21:07,749 I'm gonna kill him. 196 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,832 - There's nothing out here. - Blake! Down here! 197 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,999 I don't care what it is. Not now! 198 00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:21,249 But I gotta talk to you now. 199 00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,540 - You gotta? - Yes. 200 00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:34,040 Do you know that I'm eighteen stories above the ground? Eighteen! 201 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:36,249 - Eighteen? - Yes, eighteen! 202 00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,040 Eighteen? 203 00:21:49,583 --> 00:21:52,249 You know you're the tallest short guy I've ever seen? 204 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,665 Read this, will you? Just read that. That's from the Sheik. 205 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,999 They're gonna start the Cannonball again. And the sheik's putting up 206 00:22:01,125 --> 00:22:06,165 $1 million to the winner. And you know who the winner will be? $1 million! 207 00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:10,040 Take it easy now. No, don't come out. 208 00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:12,665 - I'll come in. - Blake? 209 00:22:15,041 --> 00:22:18,749 - Where are you going? - I gotta do it. It's a million dollars. 210 00:22:19,166 --> 00:22:21,290 You creep! 211 00:22:23,166 --> 00:22:27,999 - Where did you get the scaffold? - Huh? I thought this was the elevator. 212 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:44,832 I see you got my telegram, Doctor. 213 00:22:45,916 --> 00:22:48,790 Was that that yellow thing with the printing on it? 214 00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:52,749 Yes. - I got that, yes. I read that. It's uhm... 215 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,665 It was... What does it say? 216 00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:59,582 It said I wish to employ your services 217 00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:03,165 to take care of my royal ulcer during the Cannonball Run. 218 00:23:04,291 --> 00:23:06,874 Do you know much about ulcers? 219 00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:10,499 Proctology's my specialty. 220 00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:13,165 I'm very probably... 221 00:23:13,541 --> 00:23:17,082 ...the world's most famous expert on ulcers. 222 00:23:18,541 --> 00:23:22,915 I should probably give you an examination right now. Open up there. 223 00:23:27,583 --> 00:23:31,249 I sterilized it. Before we go any further... 224 00:23:32,666 --> 00:23:36,790 There's the matter of my fee. We should discuss my fee... 225 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,999 It's... just about that amount. 226 00:23:46,583 --> 00:23:49,540 - Hey, wait a minute. You gonna drink milk? - Yeah. 227 00:23:49,666 --> 00:23:52,499 Aren't you afraid it's gonna curdle when it hits your liver? 228 00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:55,249 My liver died last year. 229 00:23:56,625 --> 00:24:01,499 - Can I help you? -??? - Anybody around here speak Oriental? 230 00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,832 Sure. One sake coming up. 231 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,749 What he said was: "Blackjack and water" 232 00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,499 Now! 233 00:24:21,291 --> 00:24:24,082 - You got it? - Yes Sir. Coming right up. 234 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,249 We'll get a nice big bottle of champagne, and then we'll go up to my place. 235 00:24:30,416 --> 00:24:32,832 Father, what are you saying? 236 00:24:33,916 --> 00:24:36,582 Didn't you ever see THORNBIRDs? 237 00:24:38,583 --> 00:24:42,332 Hey pal, I'll never get laid in this outfit. 238 00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:45,999 From now on, I'm gonna wear nothing but open collars. 239 00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:50,749 - No man can live by bread alone. - I can. I love bread. 240 00:24:50,791 --> 00:24:54,374 You know, my favorite is a Parker House roll. It just is so nice. 241 00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:57,915 And then the Russian rye. You know, there's so many raisins in it that... 242 00:24:58,416 --> 00:25:01,499 - I'm not talking about that. - O... Okay. 243 00:25:01,791 --> 00:25:04,665 - I'm talking about women. - Women? - Women. 244 00:25:04,875 --> 00:25:09,415 I want a girl that's sensitive and vulnerable. I really... I need a girl. 245 00:25:09,875 --> 00:25:12,915 - Yeah! Me too. - You? 246 00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:17,832 - Sure. Hey J.J., I'm not a eunuch, you know? - Of course you're not a eunuch. 247 00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,374 Don't put yourself down like that. 248 00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:23,499 You have a striking resemblance to a eunuch, but you... 249 00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:27,999 I'm just kidding. You want a girl? You can have one of my girls. 250 00:25:28,083 --> 00:25:31,415 - I couldn't take one of your girls. - Oh, you can. - Well, maybe just one. 251 00:25:31,583 --> 00:25:33,374 To clear up my complexion. 252 00:25:36,041 --> 00:25:39,249 - So tomorrow... - Tomorrow. - ...we turn over a new leaf. - A new leaf. 253 00:25:39,541 --> 00:25:42,415 - Up and clean! - Up and clean. 254 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,999 And tonight... down and dirty. 255 00:25:50,125 --> 00:25:53,540 - Hi J.J! - Hi! Are you guys doing anything tonight? 256 00:25:53,625 --> 00:25:57,415 - Not now. - Let's go somewhere and talk about customs and camshafts. 257 00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:59,749 Coming, J.J! 258 00:26:15,625 --> 00:26:19,415 Do we still owe Don Don $30,000? 259 00:26:20,083 --> 00:26:22,290 - Did you pay him? - No. 260 00:26:22,625 --> 00:26:25,040 Well, then we still owe him $30,000! 261 00:26:26,583 --> 00:26:29,624 Well, one of his collection men came to collect it. 262 00:26:29,833 --> 00:26:33,832 - Wh... wh... where? - He's at the front door, but don't look. 263 00:26:35,833 --> 00:26:38,499 I said don't look! 264 00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:42,124 If he's at the front door, we'll go out the back door, 265 00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:45,249 since he can't be at two places at one time, right? 266 00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,415 - That's a good suggestion. - Split city. 267 00:26:51,250 --> 00:26:54,290 - We're gonna die. - Aye. 268 00:26:58,166 --> 00:27:02,082 - What are they gonna do to us? - Don't know what they're gonna do to you, 269 00:27:02,250 --> 00:27:06,749 but since Mr. T. ain't here, I'm gonna be too busy lickin' their boots to see! 270 00:27:14,416 --> 00:27:16,999 The money, or I'll blow you away! 271 00:27:17,166 --> 00:27:19,374 I'll take the money. 272 00:27:21,333 --> 00:27:26,499 Listen guys, why would a couple of operators like us be in Redondo Beach 273 00:27:26,625 --> 00:27:30,332 - with a bunch of hayseeds in jumpsuits? - Okay, wise guys. 274 00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:34,290 - You tell us! - We're gonna race to Connecticut and the one that wins 275 00:27:34,375 --> 00:27:38,665 gets $1 million in cash! - Only a moron would back up a race like that. 276 00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,832 Ahh, Fenderboom, Blake! 277 00:27:42,375 --> 00:27:45,999 Good to see you! You should be sleeping at this hour. 278 00:27:46,083 --> 00:27:48,499 Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow. 279 00:27:52,291 --> 00:27:55,790 Wingtips? Barbarians. 280 00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:02,249 Come, come! Buy yourselves a decent clothing store. 281 00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:05,499 - Infidels! - That's the moron. 282 00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:10,082 You know, these liars could be telling the truth. 283 00:28:29,916 --> 00:28:32,749 Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise! 284 00:28:33,375 --> 00:28:35,915 Oh wow! You look wonderful! 285 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,249 What brings you to the Pinto Ranch? Is it business or pleasure? 286 00:28:45,250 --> 00:28:47,499 - May I have a chair? - Oh, certainly. 287 00:28:53,125 --> 00:28:55,249 Oh, it's business. 288 00:28:55,625 --> 00:28:57,749 I just spoke to Dad, isn't that funny? 289 00:28:57,875 --> 00:29:01,540 - Don. You don't mind if I call you Don Don, do you? - No, no. 290 00:29:01,625 --> 00:29:06,290 Oh good, Don Don. When your father was having a little trouble with you in Brooklyn, 291 00:29:06,416 --> 00:29:10,499 he called me and asked me for a favor. Could he send you out here to Vegas 292 00:29:10,833 --> 00:29:14,040 so that I could watch over yours. So what do I do? 293 00:29:14,125 --> 00:29:16,749 I give you a job working at the casino. And what did you do? 294 00:29:16,875 --> 00:29:20,790 - You spend all your time working on the chorus lines! - One line! 295 00:29:20,916 --> 00:29:23,582 - I slept with one lousy chorus line! - Shut up! 296 00:29:25,250 --> 00:29:28,040 The second favor I do for yours: you come to me 297 00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:31,624 - and I lend you the money to start this... - Hymie, 298 00:29:31,750 --> 00:29:34,999 the recession has hurt every small businessman. - Oh yeah. 299 00:29:36,625 --> 00:29:39,290 - What does he owe? - As of 9:30, 300 00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:43,582 the compounded 24% interest weekly brings it to exactly 301 00:29:43,875 --> 00:29:49,082 9 million, 332 thousand, 448 dollars and 55 cents. 302 00:29:49,333 --> 00:29:51,249 Hymie, I'm doing the best I can! 303 00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:54,082 What?! I'll kill you. 304 00:29:57,166 --> 00:30:01,290 That's what's so tragic. I'm gonna do you another big favor. 305 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,249 I'll give you exactly until tomorrow to pay everything off. 306 00:30:05,333 --> 00:30:07,332 - Well, it's no problem 'cause... - Shut up. 307 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,665 Exactly 24 hours, Don Don. 308 00:30:11,791 --> 00:30:13,915 I mean, Dumb Dumb. 309 00:30:14,916 --> 00:30:17,415 I think I call you Dumb Dumb from now on. 310 00:30:18,166 --> 00:30:21,124 What do you think about that, chaps? 311 00:30:23,041 --> 00:30:25,665 - It's very funny, boss! - It ain't funny! 312 00:30:25,791 --> 00:30:28,124 Now, I'll tell you when somethin' is funny! 313 00:30:29,791 --> 00:30:32,040 Mañana, Dumb Dumb. 314 00:30:32,916 --> 00:30:34,749 Hymie, one question. 315 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,332 Oh my God! 316 00:30:41,291 --> 00:30:43,374 What was the question? 317 00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:46,082 It'll keep, Hymie. 318 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:55,332 - Are you sure this guy's your uncle? - Yeah, and I told you he's your uncle too. 319 00:30:55,416 --> 00:30:58,290 Listen, I told you, don't tell me, don't explain it to me again, please. 320 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,249 He's my mother's brother, who moved to California, and my mother 321 00:31:02,375 --> 00:31:05,124 is your father's sister, and you're my mother's brother's son. 322 00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:14,749 - Is that our uncle? - As... as they said, he had... er... 323 00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:17,915 ...er... a white limo. I ain't seen him in 20 years. 324 00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:20,832 He's from your side of the family. 325 00:31:22,125 --> 00:31:24,374 Uncle Cal? 326 00:31:26,833 --> 00:31:31,040 Howdy, boys! Cal's the name and cars is my game. 327 00:31:31,125 --> 00:31:35,290 Got some real sweetheart for little down and 9.9% financing. 328 00:31:36,041 --> 00:31:40,832 Uncle Cal, I'm... I'm your nephew... er... Melvin from North Carolina. 329 00:31:41,250 --> 00:31:45,499 - You're my brother and sister's boy? - And I'm your nephew Tony from Brooklyn. 330 00:31:45,833 --> 00:31:48,249 What pair are you out of? 331 00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:52,040 Well, it don't matter. Guess you boys are wandering about my driver? 332 00:31:54,333 --> 00:31:56,999 He sure looks a little... er... little... er... little... 333 00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:59,249 He... he's weird. 334 00:31:59,291 --> 00:32:02,040 Yeah, I mean, is it easy to get a license in this town? 335 00:32:02,166 --> 00:32:05,249 Oh, he ain't got no license! Come here. 336 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,749 I do all the driving from here. He just sits there and looks like he's driving. 337 00:32:10,833 --> 00:32:13,624 It's a publicity gimmick. I got a slogan: 338 00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:16,999 "If a monkey can drive, so can you!" 339 00:32:21,083 --> 00:32:24,790 I love this boy. He's part of our family. 340 00:32:25,791 --> 00:32:28,790 Come on, son. Ain't he cute? 341 00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:33,665 Hey look. Hey, Uncle Cal. We got a real real problem. 342 00:32:33,750 --> 00:32:37,665 Hey Uncle Cal, we ain't got any money right now. We're flat broke. 343 00:32:37,750 --> 00:32:40,082 Yeah, but we need a car right away. 344 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:45,582 - What are you boys doin' out here? - Uncle Cal, we... er... we're Ca... 345 00:32:45,916 --> 00:32:48,540 - We're... we're Cannon... - We are Cannonballers. 346 00:32:49,333 --> 00:32:52,499 Stop it, boy! I told you not to play with the phones. 347 00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:57,999 Damn chimp costs me $300 a month in wrong numbers. 348 00:32:59,250 --> 00:33:03,665 Hey, stop it, you primate! That's it! I've had it with you! 349 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,499 Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta teach this old boy some manners. 350 00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:09,749 Son! 351 00:33:12,125 --> 00:33:13,749 Now you've stepped in it! 352 00:33:18,125 --> 00:33:21,249 Boys, I got one condition on the deal. 353 00:33:21,416 --> 00:33:26,499 I'm gonna give you the limo, but only if you take this hairy son-of-a-bitch with you! 354 00:33:31,625 --> 00:33:34,999 - If he's a choreographer, I'm an aviator. - Really? 355 00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:40,290 - Same old slop. Let's go to the coffee shop. - Alright. 356 00:33:40,541 --> 00:33:43,040 - See you at the matinee? - Yeah. 357 00:33:44,041 --> 00:33:47,290 If I have to sing "Sound of music" one more time, I'm gonna croak! 358 00:33:47,375 --> 00:33:51,249 I'm so sick of the Crap family, I'm gonna scream! 359 00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:58,082 - Oh, it's so crowded. - Why do we eat here at all? 360 00:33:58,916 --> 00:34:02,040 - Here Sisters, take this table. We're finished. - Oh, thank you. 361 00:34:02,125 --> 00:34:06,290 Very generous and very sweet of you. Bless you. Awfully nice of you. 362 00:34:11,541 --> 00:34:14,790 I tell you, I'm sick of coffee shops, I'm sick of the show. 363 00:34:15,083 --> 00:34:17,582 - I'm sick of show business. - Betty, look at it this way: 364 00:34:17,666 --> 00:34:21,332 - It's a stepping stone to Broadway. - I'm getting out while I'm at the bottom. 365 00:34:21,416 --> 00:34:24,582 Finito, Veronica. I wanna get married, I wanna have a big house. 366 00:34:24,750 --> 00:34:27,665 I just wanna find some nice, sweet, bozo millionaire. 367 00:34:27,916 --> 00:34:30,332 - You know what I'm gonna do with my half of the million? - Tell me. - Alright. 368 00:34:30,750 --> 00:34:33,499 I'm gonna buy my mom a great, big, brand new house. 369 00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:38,165 And I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony. And I will get the kid a shovel, 370 00:34:38,291 --> 00:34:42,499 because ponies... - I tell you somethin' - J.J., what are you gonna do with yours? 371 00:34:42,541 --> 00:34:45,290 - My money's gonna be gone, before I even get to the car. - Really? 372 00:34:47,083 --> 00:34:50,915 - Come on, let's go introduce ourselves. - Are you crazy? 373 00:34:51,416 --> 00:34:54,165 - Oh my God! - For Jesus Christ! 374 00:34:58,916 --> 00:35:03,874 Excuse us gentlemen, but we have just spilled coffee all over the table. 375 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,624 - Would you mind, if we sat with you? - Sit with us? 376 00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:10,499 - You wanna join us? - Oh no, don't get up. - Sure. - Boy-nun, boy-nun. 377 00:35:11,416 --> 00:35:14,165 - Boy-nun, boy-nun? - Thank you, Sir. 378 00:35:14,375 --> 00:35:17,249 - J.J., they're gonna join us. - Yeah. - Thank you. 379 00:35:17,333 --> 00:35:19,749 - I'm Sister Veronica. - And I'm Sister Betty. 380 00:35:19,916 --> 00:35:23,749 - How do you do? - I'm J.J. McClure and this is Victor Prinze. 381 00:35:24,083 --> 00:35:27,040 - We're partners. - Are you boys married? 382 00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,749 No, just partners. 383 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,374 - Partners? Well, sweet. - Sister Betty? 384 00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:38,249 That's correct. But we're not partners, we're sisters. Not real sisters. 385 00:35:38,375 --> 00:35:43,790 - We're just in the same order together. - So what do you gentlemen do for a living? 386 00:35:44,291 --> 00:35:46,665 We race across the country. For money. 387 00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:49,999 Oh, and we're gonna have a race today to the East Coast. 388 00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:52,540 Are you racing to Broadway? 389 00:35:54,833 --> 00:35:57,165 Connecticut. What order did you say you're from? 390 00:35:57,333 --> 00:35:59,790 Oh, actually it's just a... a bunch of girls. 391 00:35:59,916 --> 00:36:03,124 - Bunch of girls? - We're affiliated together in the Order of... 392 00:36:03,375 --> 00:36:06,999 - Immaculate... - ...Chastity. - The Order of Immaculate Chastity. 393 00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:11,832 The Order of Immaculate Chastity. I read the Bible all the time. 394 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,249 In fact, I read the Bible that was printed on the head of a pin. 395 00:36:15,500 --> 00:36:18,040 That was hard. But I never heard of the... 396 00:36:18,333 --> 00:36:21,624 Well, you have to read the New Testament. That... It's not even in the New Testament. 397 00:36:21,750 --> 00:36:24,415 - It's the New... - New Wave. - Aha! 398 00:36:24,666 --> 00:36:27,749 - New... New Test... very progressive Testament. - We'll try to catch it. 399 00:36:28,750 --> 00:36:31,040 We have holy work to do. Let's go. 400 00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:33,749 Okay. Well, maybe some other time. 401 00:36:34,500 --> 00:36:38,999 - At what time did you say your race is? - Noon. - At the Portofino Inn, Sister. 402 00:36:39,791 --> 00:36:42,790 - Goodbye, Sister veronica. - Come, Sister Betty. 403 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,624 - Nice meetin' you, Sister. - Thank you. - Bye bye. 404 00:36:45,750 --> 00:36:48,540 Come on, hurry Sister Betty, we have lots of lepers waiting. 405 00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:53,290 - Don Don? - What is this now? - Everything is fine. 406 00:36:53,500 --> 00:36:56,999 What we did is, we put our heads together 407 00:36:57,291 --> 00:37:01,124 and we're gonna rip off the Arab on the road during the car race. 408 00:37:01,541 --> 00:37:05,915 You put your heads together, huh? It must have sounded like a bowling alley! 409 00:37:06,333 --> 00:37:10,124 - Yes, Don Don. - We need millions of dollars by... what time is it now? 410 00:37:10,250 --> 00:37:12,332 Oh my God! By tomorrow! 411 00:37:12,833 --> 00:37:16,082 If we can get the sheik, we got the money. 412 00:37:16,375 --> 00:37:19,915 He wants us to rip off the Arab and then kidnap him. 413 00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:24,249 - What for? - What for?!! Ransom, you idiots! Ransom. 414 00:37:24,291 --> 00:37:26,415 R-A-N-S-U-M! Ransom! 415 00:37:26,666 --> 00:37:29,582 - Understand, you imbeciles? - You got it. Please calm yourself. 416 00:37:29,750 --> 00:37:31,749 - Tell this to Hymie! - Okay, have a nice day. 417 00:38:17,875 --> 00:38:22,832 J.J., is that legal? Both of them? At the same time? 418 00:38:26,166 --> 00:38:29,915 J.J., you're bad. Hi Jill, Hi Marcie! 419 00:38:30,333 --> 00:38:32,499 Cute car! 420 00:38:33,333 --> 00:38:36,874 Imagine the stories J.J.'s making up about last night. 421 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:41,415 - He's driving poor Victor crazy. - Yeah. Poor victor's buying every word of it. 422 00:38:41,791 --> 00:38:44,582 - Well, what he doesn't know ain't gonna hurt us. - Never has. 423 00:38:45,041 --> 00:38:47,790 - Let's check out our competition. - Alright. 424 00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:52,665 Well, you look great. You really do. You look real sexy! 425 00:38:52,833 --> 00:38:54,290 Sexy? 426 00:38:56,375 --> 00:39:01,040 - You look... - And I look like a turd. - No, you don't. - J.J., what am I supposed to be? 427 00:39:01,125 --> 00:39:03,540 You're a career army man. 428 00:39:05,166 --> 00:39:07,499 Forty years in the army, the backbone of the army! 429 00:39:07,625 --> 00:39:09,582 - Alright! - Alright. - Man. 430 00:39:10,250 --> 00:39:13,999 - Wish I had a medal. - You want a medal? - Well, I'd like to have a medal. 431 00:39:14,750 --> 00:39:17,790 - Take one. - Oh, no. - Take one, you're my friend. - I couldn't take 432 00:39:17,875 --> 00:39:21,124 - one of your medals. I couldn't do it. - Take anyone you like. I love you. 433 00:39:21,250 --> 00:39:22,874 Okay. 434 00:39:23,166 --> 00:39:25,665 - This is a nice one right here. - That one. - Thanks. 435 00:39:25,791 --> 00:39:27,915 Oh, this is really swell. 436 00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:31,749 The Congressional Medal of Honor. Thank you very much! 437 00:39:32,375 --> 00:39:34,499 That's really nice. 438 00:39:34,791 --> 00:39:39,999 Oh boy... Oh, and it's so shiny. I'm real glad. I love it. 439 00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:43,624 - Oh, look, J.J. - Ah. - Good morning. - Good morning. 440 00:39:44,125 --> 00:39:47,540 General? Are you a General? General J.J. McClure. 441 00:39:47,791 --> 00:39:50,790 - Oh, you're a private. - National Guard. - Listen... 442 00:39:50,916 --> 00:39:53,874 The Lord asks a favor and we ask a favor of you. 443 00:39:54,125 --> 00:39:58,290 We have an emergency in New York and it's very important that we get there. 444 00:39:58,666 --> 00:40:02,290 - And we've lost our means of transportation. - And our vows of poverty 445 00:40:02,375 --> 00:40:06,415 prevent us from traveling commercially. Could we go along with you? 446 00:40:06,833 --> 00:40:09,540 We only have 48 hours to get there, you see. Otherwise... 447 00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:12,790 ...the lepers might cause a panic. 448 00:40:13,250 --> 00:40:17,290 - The lepers? - Yes. We treated lepers on Molokai, 449 00:40:17,416 --> 00:40:20,540 and now several hundred of them have made their way East to the Big Apple. 450 00:40:20,666 --> 00:40:22,999 - We'd like to continue treating them. - Oh... 451 00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:25,665 - Oh, sure Sister, this is gonna be swell. - Excuse me. 452 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,124 - Excuse me. Just one minute. - What? - Come here. 453 00:40:29,916 --> 00:40:32,499 - What? - How could you tell 'em "The Big Apple"?! 454 00:40:33,083 --> 00:40:36,832 - The lepers? Big Apple? - Well, The Big Apple is New York, J.J. 455 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,540 - I know that. - And I didn't even know they had lepers there. 456 00:40:39,666 --> 00:40:42,540 - Listen to me. We can't take nuns along. - Oh please. - No! 457 00:40:42,625 --> 00:40:45,415 What, if we're driving along and I see a pretty girl hitchhiking? 458 00:40:45,541 --> 00:40:48,582 She wants to get in the car, a little action? And we got nuns along? 459 00:40:48,666 --> 00:40:51,874 - I'm good, but I'm not that good. - Listen, if we take these nuns 460 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,249 I bet that God will be our co-pilot. 461 00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:55,665 Well... 462 00:41:00,375 --> 00:41:01,915 - Why not? - Oh, J.J. 463 00:41:02,791 --> 00:41:06,249 - You can come along. - Oh, bless you, my son. 464 00:41:06,375 --> 00:41:09,624 - Oh, J.J. You'll get your reward in heaven. - I don't wanna wait that long. 465 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,499 - Snappy bags, huh? - It's purple for Lent. - Ah. Good. 466 00:41:15,291 --> 00:41:19,374 I should tell you something. When we're gonna be in the car, it'll be kind of cramped. 467 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,040 - It'll be alright? - Of course. - It'll be alright. 468 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:28,249 My Milly took a vow of chastity. She had headaches all the time. 469 00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:32,665 Well, well, well... 470 00:41:32,875 --> 00:41:37,499 Look who we have here. General Patton... and General Admission. 471 00:41:40,166 --> 00:41:44,290 Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops. Gotta arrest their minds for vagrancy. 472 00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:48,374 - Any problems, officers? - Are you kidding, Ladies? 473 00:41:48,500 --> 00:41:52,540 I might as well tell you something. We tried it at the last race, dressed like priests. 474 00:41:52,666 --> 00:41:55,749 We didn't win. It didn't help us and it ain't gonna help you. 475 00:41:57,416 --> 00:42:00,874 Now, as a law enforcement officer I exercise my rights 476 00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:05,165 to take these two young ladies and submit them to a very nice long 477 00:42:05,375 --> 00:42:08,749 - and thorough body search. - Shame on you! - Listen. 478 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:13,749 These are real nuns. This is not a Halloween party. Have a little respect. 479 00:42:15,291 --> 00:42:17,790 I'm up to here with you. 480 00:42:35,333 --> 00:42:36,415 You're sick. 481 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,415 Gather around, look this way. Fenderboom, Blake, J.J., victor... 482 00:42:41,583 --> 00:42:44,582 Fellow Cannonballers, give me your attention. 483 00:42:45,125 --> 00:42:47,582 Allah came to me one night and said: 484 00:42:47,666 --> 00:42:50,290 "Falafel, be a sport!" 485 00:42:50,625 --> 00:42:53,499 "Spread the wealth before Khomeini gets it all." 486 00:42:55,041 --> 00:42:58,749 Please, please... The important thing to know is 487 00:42:59,333 --> 00:43:06,249 that I personally am donating the purse of $1 million to the winner! 488 00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:20,374 Remember the golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. 489 00:43:20,666 --> 00:43:22,790 I go first. 490 00:43:24,791 --> 00:43:28,415 - General, will this trip be dangerous? - Oh, I don't think dangerous, Sister. 491 00:43:28,541 --> 00:43:31,040 Maybe exciting, but... 492 00:43:33,625 --> 00:43:36,832 Hello everyone... Good to see you again. 493 00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:41,832 J.J., I shall endeavor to get you the win. Throw the little nuns in the car... 494 00:43:41,916 --> 00:43:44,790 ...and let's be off! - Does your friend have an identity problem? 495 00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:47,874 No problem and no time, Sister. 496 00:43:49,291 --> 00:43:52,499 General, you should be in the back. Sister Betty, up front with me. 497 00:43:52,750 --> 00:43:54,415 Boy-nun, boy-nun. 498 00:43:56,416 --> 00:43:59,332 - Isn't he adorable? - I heard that. 499 00:44:02,250 --> 00:44:03,999 The jury's still out on that. 500 00:44:04,416 --> 00:44:09,165 Here is to good luck. May it all be mine! 501 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,665 I don't understand this, Tony. 502 00:45:54,041 --> 00:45:58,249 For the last time: I hit the back of the Arab's car, 503 00:45:58,791 --> 00:46:02,249 push a button, presto. These things clamp onto the bumper. 504 00:46:02,833 --> 00:46:06,665 Then I step on the brakes. We stop, get out of the car, 505 00:46:06,791 --> 00:46:10,790 and snatch him... Now do you understand? 506 00:46:13,375 --> 00:46:14,790 Yeah... 507 00:46:34,833 --> 00:46:38,749 Attention: Smokey in pursuit. - O-oh, trouble. 508 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,749 - Well, do something high-tech. - Smokey... gaining. 509 00:46:48,500 --> 00:46:50,290 Afterburner... ready. 510 00:47:01,291 --> 00:47:04,124 Boy, that's what I call a high-tech! 511 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:15,915 - Here they come. - Still seems complicated, Tony. 512 00:47:16,291 --> 00:47:20,665 It's a piece of cake. I just speed up and I get to his back bumper. 513 00:47:21,041 --> 00:47:22,999 Here we go. Get ready. Easing up. 514 00:47:23,375 --> 00:47:25,832 Now don't blow it. Just hit the button. 515 00:47:26,083 --> 00:47:30,124 Easing up. Easing up. Now! Now! 516 00:47:30,916 --> 00:47:34,999 - You're not holding the wheel steady, Tony. - Hey, you wanna drive? 517 00:47:35,750 --> 00:47:37,165 Hit it! 518 00:47:39,333 --> 00:47:43,249 - Nothing can separate us now. Nothing! - Nothing! 519 00:47:51,375 --> 00:47:55,249 Maybe it only works on American cars, eh Tony? 520 00:48:08,541 --> 00:48:10,582 Oh, how sweet. 521 00:48:27,333 --> 00:48:29,415 Can I help you, ma'am? 522 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:38,249 - Aren't we going above the speed limit? - Yes, 110, Sister Betty. 523 00:48:41,250 --> 00:48:44,249 - Oh, this is exciting! - Are you blessing my leg? 524 00:48:45,375 --> 00:48:46,582 Yeah. 525 00:48:49,791 --> 00:48:52,082 Keep blessing, sister! 526 00:48:56,375 --> 00:49:00,040 - We just passed this police car. - That's alright. We pass 'em all the time. 527 00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:05,082 - Sarge, are we doin' 80? - Yeah, we sure are! 528 00:49:05,250 --> 00:49:09,040 - Did they just pass us like we were standing still? - Let me tell you what to do, son. 529 00:49:09,416 --> 00:49:14,290 Buckle up. You're taking part in your first high-speed pursuit and capture! 530 00:49:16,833 --> 00:49:21,749 - It's following us. The police car's following us. - Probably recognized me. 531 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,040 - What? - I mean, it's not my life style. 532 00:49:32,166 --> 00:49:33,624 - I don't... - No, you're fine. 533 00:49:36,291 --> 00:49:40,249 - You're shaking. I'll hold your hand. - Oh, thank you, thank you. 534 00:49:40,416 --> 00:49:43,624 - Oh, they're so warm. - J.J. is the warmest! 535 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:48,540 - Sister Betty, he has such warm skin! - He has such warm skin? 536 00:49:49,083 --> 00:49:51,124 You should feel the heater up here. 537 00:49:53,125 --> 00:49:56,582 Noticed how I took that last curve? High and wide, straight through the apex. 538 00:49:56,666 --> 00:49:59,499 Pick up about 15 mph more coming out. 539 00:50:17,916 --> 00:50:20,332 - What are you writin'? - The accident report. 540 00:50:24,541 --> 00:50:25,499 Damn! 541 00:50:26,250 --> 00:50:29,915 - Tony, are you sure about this? - Stop complaining! 542 00:50:30,041 --> 00:50:34,332 - Statistics proof flying is safer than driving. - Is that right? 543 00:50:38,291 --> 00:50:43,540 Sideward and rearward maneuvering is accomplished by... 544 00:50:44,791 --> 00:50:48,249 oh, am I mad at you! You told me you could fly this thing. 545 00:50:48,375 --> 00:50:51,499 We almost got killed three times already! 546 00:50:54,416 --> 00:50:58,290 Will you shut up an read the instructions?! Or we'll be killed for the last time! 547 00:50:58,416 --> 00:51:01,540 You're getting me crazy. This thing can not fly by itself! 548 00:51:19,166 --> 00:51:22,749 - We're leveling out! - Alright, so we didn't crash. 549 00:51:22,833 --> 00:51:26,415 - Now, explain to me about the magnet on the helicopter. - Why? 550 00:51:26,541 --> 00:51:30,999 - This scheme is too complicated for me. - The alphabet is too complicated for you! 551 00:51:31,125 --> 00:51:35,832 It's simple: this magnet is powerful enough to pick a Brinks truck right off the street. 552 00:51:36,125 --> 00:51:38,415 Oh, a Brinks truck, huh? 553 00:51:45,583 --> 00:51:49,832 - Here's your sandwich, Your Highness. - You'd better not, Your Royalship. 554 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,415 That salami will kick the shit out of your ulcer! 555 00:51:57,250 --> 00:52:01,290 - Wait, wait. There's the Rolls! - Ha! Good. 556 00:52:05,416 --> 00:52:09,499 - This flyin' is a piece of cake! - Now that we found 'em, what do we do? 557 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,999 Are you kidding? I just sneak up behind 'em. They probably won't even know I'm there. 558 00:52:14,083 --> 00:52:16,999 Then, at the right second: zappo! We snatch 'em. 559 00:52:17,083 --> 00:52:19,499 Oh! Smart! 560 00:52:19,666 --> 00:52:24,290 Why did I ever doubt you Tony? I'm too dumb to question smart people. 561 00:52:24,666 --> 00:52:26,790 This is true. 562 00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:30,374 - Tony, don't you think you're too low? - That's a negative. 563 00:52:31,291 --> 00:52:34,624 - It looks a little low, Tony. - I can see it through the window, okay? 564 00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:40,290 A little bit to the left. 565 00:52:41,041 --> 00:52:44,499 - A little more to the left. - How did you get here? The Tooth Fairy? 566 00:52:44,625 --> 00:52:48,165 - I flew you here, shmuck! - Now, down a little. 567 00:52:48,500 --> 00:52:51,499 Hit the button on the magnet! 568 00:52:51,791 --> 00:52:54,999 I love being a gangster! 569 00:52:57,750 --> 00:53:02,499 We're on like glue. Nothing, nothing could separate us now. Nothing! 570 00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:07,249 - Up, up and away! - Up, up and away. 571 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:11,124 Listen! 572 00:53:11,250 --> 00:53:14,665 Up, up and awaaay... 573 00:53:18,125 --> 00:53:21,249 - I don't know why it ain't workin'. - Could be the fan belt. 574 00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:26,374 Maybe it don't work on nothin' but Brinks trucks. 575 00:53:26,666 --> 00:53:32,249 Don't worry about it. I'll have it all figured out in a second. 576 00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,165 Tony, is your seat belt on? 577 00:54:01,666 --> 00:54:06,415 Hep. Eatin' time! You feed him, and... I'll drive. 578 00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:09,374 No, no, no. It's your turn. You feed him. Come on! 579 00:54:12,583 --> 00:54:14,290 Here you go. Oh... 580 00:54:15,875 --> 00:54:21,415 Son-of-a-bitch! That son-of-a-bitch is crazy! He's got a mental case... 581 00:54:36,041 --> 00:54:39,999 - Corporal. - Yes, sir. - You're driving well. - Thank you, sir. 582 00:54:41,791 --> 00:54:45,624 Sister Betty? You know, I was raised a Catholic and I'm really interested. 583 00:54:45,750 --> 00:54:49,249 Could you tell us more about the Order of the Immaculate Charity? 584 00:54:49,625 --> 00:54:52,040 - Chastity. - Chastity! 585 00:54:52,125 --> 00:54:54,499 He always get those words mixed up. 586 00:54:55,625 --> 00:54:58,790 Well... I think it's time for us to get some sleep. 587 00:54:59,041 --> 00:55:03,249 - Oh sure. Good. - So if you just excuse us, we'd like to have a little privacy. - Sure. 588 00:55:03,666 --> 00:55:07,540 - Go ahead, there's... Just put that... - Good night. - Good night. 589 00:55:14,166 --> 00:55:17,999 Hey, am I crazy? Or are those the friendliest nuns you've ever seen? 590 00:55:18,250 --> 00:55:21,040 - Isn't Sister Betty cute? - Ahh. I'd... 591 00:55:22,333 --> 00:55:24,749 I'd like to jump her bones. 592 00:55:25,041 --> 00:55:28,999 - J.J., bite your tongue! - Can't help it. I'm sorry. - Aren't you ashamed? 593 00:55:29,041 --> 00:55:32,499 - I would! - Oh my goodness! Why would you say such a... 594 00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:39,624 - That's sacrilegious! - These are human beings. 595 00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:42,999 - And I'd be very interested to know how you make out. - Huh? 596 00:55:43,625 --> 00:55:46,124 'Cause I been thinking about getting into Sister Betty's pants. 597 00:55:52,916 --> 00:55:55,082 Oh God, forgive me... 598 00:56:09,625 --> 00:56:12,665 Morning officer! Nice day, isn't it? 599 00:56:12,875 --> 00:56:16,082 - Get out of the road, fat boy, before you get run over. Come on. - Okay. 600 00:56:20,583 --> 00:56:22,915 - Good morning! - Goddamn! A General! 601 00:56:24,583 --> 00:56:28,790 - Now, what seems to be the problem, officer? - We have speed limits in this here state. 602 00:56:29,416 --> 00:56:32,332 - Even in a nuclear emergency? - What emergency? 603 00:56:33,083 --> 00:56:36,749 - We can't talk about it, officer. - Let me see your driver's license. - No! 604 00:56:37,083 --> 00:56:39,832 I have radioactive breath. 605 00:56:41,166 --> 00:56:44,624 - What are you boys trying to pull? - There has been a nuclear meltdown. 606 00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,749 We're taking some contaminated material to Connecticut. 607 00:56:47,833 --> 00:56:50,499 Why Connecticut? 608 00:56:51,541 --> 00:56:53,332 They ran out. 609 00:56:54,083 --> 00:56:55,832 Bullshit! 610 00:56:57,125 --> 00:56:59,999 - Hey, uncle Hinky! - Homer! My nephew. 611 00:57:00,291 --> 00:57:03,499 - We'll wait for you, Homer. - Thanks, Sir. - How you're doin', Homer? 612 00:57:03,583 --> 00:57:06,249 - Goddamn, I didn't know you was coming home! - Private! 613 00:57:08,583 --> 00:57:10,540 Yes sir, General! 614 00:57:10,750 --> 00:57:14,290 - What are you doing here, son? - Well, I had a 3-day pass to come home. 615 00:57:14,375 --> 00:57:17,915 - It's the first one I had in two years. - I'm gonna commandeer you 616 00:57:18,041 --> 00:57:21,249 to drive this car to Connecticut. Get in the car, son. - Yes, Sir! 617 00:57:21,333 --> 00:57:24,915 Hold it! Ain't nobody goin' no place till I phoned this here in! 618 00:57:25,166 --> 00:57:29,582 Uncle Hinky, I gotta do what he says. He got more medals than all at the base together. 619 00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:32,374 It don't make no difference. I phone it in anyway. 620 00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:37,332 - Good morning, officer. - Sweet Jesus! 621 00:57:37,666 --> 00:57:40,040 - General, why are we stopping? - I'm sorry, Sister. 622 00:57:40,166 --> 00:57:42,999 I was just explaining to the sheriff the purpose of my mission. 623 00:57:43,625 --> 00:57:47,124 - You carry nuns with you? - In case we don't... 624 00:57:47,250 --> 00:57:49,749 - ...make it, you know? - Oh, really? 625 00:57:50,291 --> 00:57:53,582 There's a higher purpose involved, officer. Only the Lord knows what it is. 626 00:57:54,333 --> 00:57:57,749 The safety of our nation depends on the speed of our mission. 627 00:57:58,583 --> 00:58:00,749 Wow! Praise the Lord! 628 00:58:00,833 --> 00:58:05,374 Well, in that case I'll give you a police escort all the way to the county line. 629 00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:07,124 - Bless you. - Sheriff... 630 00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:10,124 I just want you to know something: America needs your help! 631 00:58:10,250 --> 00:58:13,999 There are two communists disguised as policemen chasing us in a red Corvette. 632 00:58:14,416 --> 00:58:16,874 - Commies! - No shit? 633 00:58:17,625 --> 00:58:19,624 No shit. 634 00:58:21,041 --> 00:58:24,582 Now, don't go arguing with me! I've got it straight from the General! 635 00:58:24,750 --> 00:58:28,749 There are two communists dressed up as policemen in a red Corvette... 636 00:58:28,833 --> 00:58:31,832 ...trying to steal our nuclear shit! Shoot 'em! 637 00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,290 The fate of the country depends on it, do you hear me? 638 00:58:37,666 --> 00:58:40,999 Headquarters, this is units 2 and 5 eastbound on Highway 10. 639 00:58:41,250 --> 00:58:43,915 - We got those commies in our sights. - Commies? 640 00:58:44,750 --> 00:58:47,915 Now, I been called a lot of things but I ain't never been called no commie. 641 00:58:48,500 --> 00:58:54,499 - I ain't even a Democrat. - You can inform the General they're as good as caught. 642 00:58:56,666 --> 00:58:58,582 The General... General!? 643 00:59:00,041 --> 00:59:03,999 J.J! That son-of-a-bitch! 644 00:59:13,875 --> 00:59:17,040 Good, Blake. But not good enough! 645 00:59:17,125 --> 00:59:20,915 This is 2 and 5 again. We're now westbound on Highway 10. 646 00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:24,415 This is the Captain. I want those two foreigners brought in. 647 00:59:25,041 --> 00:59:27,832 - Dead or alive. - Don't you worry about it. 648 00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,165 - You know what I'm gonna do? - What? - I'm gonna turn this car around 649 00:59:31,250 --> 00:59:35,040 and I am gonna block the whole highway sideways. 650 00:59:35,166 --> 00:59:38,749 And when they come they have a choice: either to ditch it 651 00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,749 or ram right straight into us! 652 00:59:42,416 --> 00:59:46,499 - Just ditch it or... ram straight into us? - Yeah! 653 01:00:03,750 --> 01:00:07,499 Get outta here with these bananas! I don't want the bananas! 654 01:00:09,166 --> 01:00:12,499 This is humiliating as hell... er... sittin' up here! 655 01:00:12,625 --> 01:00:18,082 Well, it's no picnic being back here! Wacked-out monkey! 656 01:00:20,750 --> 01:00:23,040 Stop it! Well, keep your hands off me, monkey! 657 01:00:32,666 --> 01:00:35,415 - What are you doing up here? - Man, it's safer. 658 01:00:37,125 --> 01:00:39,165 - Well, who's drivin'? - He is. 659 01:00:51,291 --> 01:00:55,999 Would you boys like to stay for dinner? I just made noodle soup. 660 01:01:05,083 --> 01:01:08,124 Note, Blake. General Patton's car. 661 01:01:08,500 --> 01:01:10,915 Is the blimp driving? 662 01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,832 No. It's the General. 663 01:01:14,166 --> 01:01:16,249 The General, huh? Ha! 664 01:01:16,333 --> 01:01:20,040 Oh, I'm gonna make a private out of him! 665 01:01:27,833 --> 01:01:31,999 It's money in the bank. A million bucks! 666 01:01:36,875 --> 01:01:40,832 Oh, come on! It'll be a weekend you'll never forget. 667 01:01:41,250 --> 01:01:43,874 - All three of us? - Yep. 668 01:01:44,791 --> 01:01:48,540 It's gonna be a weekend you can tell your kids about... if they're all boys. 669 01:01:49,083 --> 01:01:53,499 Look, you guys thrashed this gull-wing out. I didn't even pay for that one yet. 670 01:01:53,625 --> 01:01:57,499 Listen, baby. We're gonna be as gentle with that car as we're gonna be with you. 671 01:01:57,750 --> 01:02:00,332 Real sound. Come on, what you say? 672 01:02:04,416 --> 01:02:06,249 - Okay. - Alright. - Okay. 673 01:02:06,416 --> 01:02:10,999 The keys are in the car, but hurry back. My friends aren't gonna believe this! 674 01:02:11,416 --> 01:02:13,874 - Know what? You just bring them too. - Really? 675 01:02:14,083 --> 01:02:16,165 Sure. And don't forget your camera. 676 01:02:16,583 --> 01:02:18,415 Really? 677 01:02:23,750 --> 01:02:27,749 - You got a full tank of gas in here? - Please, be careful with it. Please! 678 01:02:29,375 --> 01:02:31,249 (I'll be real gentle) 679 01:03:01,791 --> 01:03:04,290 What do you want, Ching-Chong man? 680 01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,499 Help? Gee, there's only a dozen of 'em. By the way, can you split that for me? 681 01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:22,249 Thank you. 682 01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,790 I'll be there in a minute! 683 01:04:06,375 --> 01:04:11,249 That was wonderful. You're great. Can you stay for dinner and meet my parents? 684 01:04:13,500 --> 01:04:16,124 That was so great! What's your name? 685 01:04:17,250 --> 01:04:20,249 Hey, we got a race to finish. A million bucks! 686 01:04:22,750 --> 01:04:24,540 He can stay for dinner, too! 687 01:04:28,125 --> 01:04:31,040 Dammit! The race is gonna be over, if they don't get their buns out here soon. 688 01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:38,165 Golly! They changed their clothes. 689 01:04:40,750 --> 01:04:44,082 - You think we've gone too far? - Probably. 690 01:04:46,625 --> 01:04:48,999 Let's go for it. 691 01:04:49,250 --> 01:04:52,790 You know, General? I bet this mission is so secret you had 'em do this 692 01:04:52,916 --> 01:04:55,332 so Russian spies wouldn't recognize 'em. 693 01:05:03,041 --> 01:05:05,499 We got a six-pack and some chilli-dogs for the trip. 694 01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:10,249 I got one for you and one for... "him". 695 01:05:22,625 --> 01:05:25,290 You've adapted to civilian life very well. 696 01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:33,499 Oh my God! Private... Walk this way. 697 01:05:36,333 --> 01:05:38,290 Nuns, huh? 698 01:05:41,250 --> 01:05:44,999 - Get in the car. - Yes, General. 699 01:06:05,416 --> 01:06:09,374 Put that away! You ain't gonna use it! 700 01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:17,332 To your right, Highness. To your right. 701 01:06:19,625 --> 01:06:23,290 As soon as this cable rips up the Rolls... 702 01:06:23,875 --> 01:06:26,665 - ...you grab the money... - I grab the money? 703 01:06:26,791 --> 01:06:29,374 ...and I grab the sheik or what's left of 'em... 704 01:06:29,666 --> 01:06:31,915 - ...and we head back to Vegas. - Vegas?! 705 01:06:34,125 --> 01:06:37,082 Prince Falafel! Buy what? 706 01:06:38,833 --> 01:06:41,082 Nimitz? What's a Nimitz? 707 01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:45,249 The U.S.s. Nimitz, ah! 708 01:06:45,333 --> 01:06:48,999 I want to buy it! I want to land my 747s on it! 709 01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:53,165 I don't care what it costs. How much? 710 01:06:53,416 --> 01:06:56,915 - Feelin' better now, aren't you? - I can't hear you! Talk louder! 711 01:06:57,041 --> 01:07:00,624 - I said, you're feeling better now, aren't you?! - Yes, a thousand thanks! 712 01:07:00,750 --> 01:07:03,332 - No problem! Buy! - Bye. 713 01:07:14,666 --> 01:07:17,040 - Tighten it up, they're coming! - I tighten it! - Tighter! 714 01:07:17,791 --> 01:07:20,499 Come. Hurry. Here it comes! 715 01:07:37,166 --> 01:07:40,290 - Well yeah, you get what you pay for. - Oh, dammit! 716 01:07:40,750 --> 01:07:43,332 - What now? - I don't know! 717 01:07:45,250 --> 01:07:48,332 - Well, get out and start smiling. - Yeah, right. 718 01:08:03,625 --> 01:08:05,999 Don't blame me! I didn't do nothin'! 719 01:08:07,125 --> 01:08:08,999 Me neither. I'm just followin' orders. 720 01:08:22,750 --> 01:08:26,999 We were turning about 8 grand when the gages lit up like a pinball machine. 721 01:08:27,416 --> 01:08:30,290 Yeah, so we propped the hood and there's oil leaking. 722 01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:36,499 - Right here. - Does it look bad? - Not from where I'm standing. 723 01:08:36,791 --> 01:08:41,415 - Oh, can you fix it then? - Honey, I got a tool that'll fix anything! 724 01:08:43,500 --> 01:08:45,249 Oh, yeah? 725 01:08:59,083 --> 01:09:02,124 - Hey, sugar? - Yeah? - What have you got under the hood? 726 01:09:02,583 --> 01:09:05,999 Alright. That's a 454, four on the floor. 727 01:09:06,666 --> 01:09:10,374 - Full house, with a blower. - Yeah? - She's a sweetheart, isn't she? 728 01:09:14,041 --> 01:09:16,499 It sure is hot out here, ain't it? 729 01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:19,999 Yeah, it really is. 730 01:09:24,083 --> 01:09:27,749 Why don't you relax, sugar? Everything's gonna be just fine! 731 01:09:28,000 --> 01:09:31,040 I don't think my boss wanted this to do 120 mph. 732 01:09:31,791 --> 01:09:36,332 - Well, it's doin' it! - Come on, listen. Why don't you just take me back and... 733 01:09:36,500 --> 01:09:39,749 My... Just take me back to my boss... Oh jeez, am I gonna get it! 734 01:09:46,250 --> 01:09:49,624 What the heck! It's only a job. Let's go! 735 01:09:50,666 --> 01:09:53,249 And it's gonna be a weekend you'll never forget. 736 01:10:02,125 --> 01:10:06,290 Attention... Smokie in pursuit. Attention... Smokie in... 737 01:10:06,375 --> 01:10:08,374 Battle stations! 738 01:10:09,833 --> 01:10:12,499 - Afterburner. - Roger! 739 01:10:14,166 --> 01:10:17,415 Afterburner ready... 3, 2, 1... 740 01:10:17,500 --> 01:10:19,374 Ignition! 741 01:10:29,750 --> 01:10:32,499 - Turn it off! -??? - Turn it off! 742 01:10:34,250 --> 01:10:37,124 Prepare to crash dive! 743 01:10:52,833 --> 01:10:55,040 We just lost it. 744 01:11:12,625 --> 01:11:15,249 - Look, beer cans! - Underwear? 745 01:11:15,500 --> 01:11:18,624 - Now let's give 'em the oil slick. - Yes, man. 746 01:11:23,625 --> 01:11:26,749 Oil slick... Sorry, fellas. 747 01:11:27,375 --> 01:11:30,665 - We're just doin' our job. - Yes, sorry. 748 01:11:32,041 --> 01:11:34,332 Attention... enemy astern. 749 01:11:34,666 --> 01:11:37,999 - Let's see what's happening. Up the scope. - Okay. 750 01:11:55,083 --> 01:11:58,582 - Quiet, please. - Stand by for depth charge attack. 751 01:12:08,375 --> 01:12:12,290 - Come on. Catch one. Pay attention! - We've been coming here for five years! 752 01:12:12,416 --> 01:12:16,249 - Five years! - Without a fish. - A big one's out there for you, boys. - You're sure? 753 01:12:16,291 --> 01:12:20,624 Darn right! I saw him jump the other day. I took a picture, while it was in the air. 754 01:12:21,250 --> 01:12:23,624 Picture weighed 13 and a half pounds! 755 01:12:24,666 --> 01:12:26,999 I really don't like this guy! 756 01:12:35,500 --> 01:12:37,665 Forward all engines. 757 01:12:55,875 --> 01:12:58,499 Come on, just pay attention to what you're doing. 758 01:13:04,916 --> 01:13:07,165 All ahead full. 759 01:13:11,250 --> 01:13:12,999 - Let him go! - No! 760 01:13:13,250 --> 01:13:16,374 We've caught ourselves a Moby Dick! 761 01:13:17,250 --> 01:13:19,415 God damn, we're going with him! 762 01:13:26,875 --> 01:13:31,499 - And you haven't seen your family in 2 years? - No, but I'm not complaining. Duty calls. 763 01:13:32,500 --> 01:13:35,999 - General? - What? - How long do you think the national emergency 764 01:13:36,083 --> 01:13:39,040 will require the services of Pvt. Lyle here, Sir? 765 01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:42,749 - I don't know. - He hasn't seen his family in 2 years. 766 01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:49,290 - J.J., that is not nice. Truly isn't. - A General's work is never done. 767 01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:53,999 - Private. - Yes, Sir. - I've checked the Geiger counter 768 01:13:54,666 --> 01:13:59,749 and the radioactivity seems to be dropping. I don't think we need your services anymore. 769 01:14:00,250 --> 01:14:02,749 - Yes, sir. - Pull over. - Yes, sir. 770 01:14:24,666 --> 01:14:28,082 Pvt. Lyle, you've rendered a great service to this country. 771 01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:32,165 You make me proud to be in the same army with a man with your character. 772 01:14:33,750 --> 01:14:36,749 I'd like to present you with the Congressional Medal of Honor. 773 01:14:38,875 --> 01:14:43,165 - This Congressional Medal of Honor? - That Congressional Medal of Honor. 774 01:14:53,083 --> 01:14:55,415 - That's French. - I know. 775 01:14:56,291 --> 01:14:59,540 General, for the last 20 years while I was working in the motor pool 776 01:14:59,625 --> 01:15:02,915 I always knew the Good Lord's gonna give me a chance to come on a special mission 777 01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,790 like this, to serve my country. 778 01:15:18,875 --> 01:15:20,915 Bye, Lyle. 779 01:15:41,083 --> 01:15:44,040 - And that's all you have to do, honey. - Boy, am I sick! 780 01:15:44,250 --> 01:15:48,499 - I ain't never gonna fly with you again! - Will you shut up and read the instructs 781 01:15:48,541 --> 01:15:51,415 and tell me what it says about landing this thing? 782 01:15:53,750 --> 01:15:56,999 It says: lower the flaps. - Okay, then do it, quickly! 783 01:15:57,125 --> 01:16:00,040 - Where are they? - Under "F", you idiot! 784 01:16:00,250 --> 01:16:03,249 Well, let's see. There's a "T" for tabs. Is that any good? 785 01:16:03,291 --> 01:16:07,999 - Fantastic! Pull it! - Pull what? - Anything, dummy! - Okay, Tony! 786 01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:30,290 To look sharp... 787 01:16:30,500 --> 01:16:33,249 To feel sharp... 788 01:16:33,416 --> 01:16:35,832 I like this song so much, I bought the company. 789 01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:43,332 I don't know why everybody makes such a big deal about flying. It's a piece of cake. 790 01:16:43,666 --> 01:16:48,124 This better work, Tony. I just called Don Don, and he's really mad. 791 01:16:49,166 --> 01:16:51,374 Caesar, Caesar... 792 01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:56,374 Simplicity is the hallmark of genius. This cannot miss. 793 01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:58,499 Yeah? 794 01:16:59,375 --> 01:17:01,999 Relax, alright? 795 01:17:06,375 --> 01:17:09,499 Damn ulcer's killing me. You got anything for it? 796 01:17:10,666 --> 01:17:13,790 Charlotte Russe. How delightful. 797 01:17:15,541 --> 01:17:20,082 Not exactly the Maxim's, but my compliments to the chef. 798 01:17:34,500 --> 01:17:36,540 A thousand pardons! 799 01:17:37,125 --> 01:17:43,040 I couldn't help noticing. Obviously you are a damsel in distress. 800 01:17:44,083 --> 01:17:49,540 May I be of service to you? I am the great Prince Abdul-Ben Falafel, 801 01:17:49,833 --> 01:17:53,415 master of all deserts, Prince of princes, 802 01:17:54,250 --> 01:17:57,249 - and one of the world's biggest... - Yoyos. 803 01:17:57,500 --> 01:18:00,165 How dare you put a gun to my head! 804 01:18:03,166 --> 01:18:06,582 As I was saying, do you come here often? 805 01:18:11,916 --> 01:18:15,415 I wish you guys would have seen us change in the bathroom, making this decision. 806 01:18:15,500 --> 01:18:19,999 Know, what she wanted to do? To put the nun's habit on and the shorts underneath. 807 01:18:20,750 --> 01:18:23,332 - And she thought you wouldn't notice. - I will notice. 808 01:18:23,583 --> 01:18:27,749 Well, I just didn't want you to be upset when you found out I wasn't a nun. 809 01:18:29,333 --> 01:18:31,999 You're not? 810 01:18:33,750 --> 01:18:38,332 - I'm not even a Catholic. - Well, nobody's perfect. 811 01:18:40,541 --> 01:18:43,749 - May I? - Oh, I been waitin' for this. 812 01:18:56,750 --> 01:18:59,874 - Sure hate to give the chauffeur a ticket. - Yeah, it's always the jerk in back 813 01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,915 - giving the orders. - Yeah. 814 01:19:05,625 --> 01:19:07,374 Pardon me, Sir, we're... 815 01:19:15,833 --> 01:19:19,249 - You know what that is, back there? - Damn right! It's a chimp! 816 01:19:19,875 --> 01:19:23,749 Listen to me. See that dark glass? Don't look! 817 01:19:24,250 --> 01:19:26,915 You know who's behind that glass filming us? 818 01:19:27,125 --> 01:19:29,749 Allen Funt. We're on "Candid Camera"! 819 01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,249 Come on, it's our chance! Come on! 820 01:19:33,541 --> 01:19:36,374 Stand right here so they can see you. Stand right here. 821 01:19:37,750 --> 01:19:39,999 Pardon me, Sir. I'd like to see your license... 822 01:19:45,583 --> 01:19:49,165 Oh God, I wonder what the penalty is for assaulting a police officer. 823 01:19:49,875 --> 01:19:52,624 He's not gonna make a monkey out of me! 824 01:19:53,666 --> 01:19:55,582 You're okay? Don't make him mad! 825 01:20:01,583 --> 01:20:05,749 I'm gonna say hello to my mom. I just wondered if I could say hello to my mother? 826 01:20:11,041 --> 01:20:14,332 This is working great. Let's go sing. Come on, before they go. 827 01:20:15,416 --> 01:20:20,540 By the light of the silvery moon... 828 01:20:22,000 --> 01:20:24,332 Let's get the hell outta here! 829 01:20:26,083 --> 01:20:30,499 - Hey, Mr. Funt! Aren't we supposed to sign a release? - Oh, shut up! 830 01:20:35,791 --> 01:20:39,415 Oh, listen! Look! Hold it! Look, Cannonballers ahead of us! 831 01:20:49,083 --> 01:20:51,249 Alright, what the hell happened? 832 01:20:51,500 --> 01:20:56,749 Hm, Sir. I was eating my dessert when suddenly I saw one of the cat people. 833 01:20:57,125 --> 01:20:59,624 - Beautiful body was... - Now, we have a slight problem. 834 01:21:00,125 --> 01:21:03,374 Two hoods. They parted with the Sheik and the money. 835 01:21:03,625 --> 01:21:07,124 - How that happen? - She was hitchhiking in a leopard coat and as we approached 836 01:21:07,291 --> 01:21:09,790 she flashed and we stopped. 837 01:21:15,916 --> 01:21:19,165 He's right. Who else knew the million was in the sheik's trunk? 838 01:21:29,250 --> 01:21:33,749 - I think you two guys have got something to tell us, right? - Right. 839 01:21:36,500 --> 01:21:39,249 J.J, let me explain to you as briefly as I can. 840 01:21:39,666 --> 01:21:44,540 Here's what happened. We owed the guys in Vegas a little chump change. Nothing really. 841 01:21:44,791 --> 01:21:47,749 So they sent down some torpedoes to collect. 842 01:21:49,625 --> 01:21:53,665 - And you told 'em about the Sheik. - It was tell 'em or else. 843 01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:58,124 - Who were these guys? - The Cannelloni family from Las Vegas. 844 01:21:58,250 --> 01:22:02,040 - Well, hell. Let's just go get these guys. - We can't just go get these guys! 845 01:22:02,166 --> 01:22:06,749 Why? - They hold up at the Pinto Ranch, and that's guarded like Fort Knox. 846 01:22:06,791 --> 01:22:09,374 Wait a minute. Maybe "him" can get through. 847 01:22:09,583 --> 01:22:14,082 Maybe "him" can get "himself" killed and take you with "him". 848 01:22:14,791 --> 01:22:18,415 - "Him" is open for other suggestions. - What's happening? What's going on here? 849 01:22:18,833 --> 01:22:24,665 Gaped at her naked body glistening in the hot sun and her sweet sweat rolling down... 850 01:22:25,291 --> 01:22:28,832 Hey, wait a minute. We'll go to the King. 851 01:22:29,291 --> 01:22:31,665 No, no. The sheik's father hates him. 852 01:22:32,083 --> 01:22:35,999 Hey, he's not the only king. We have royalty in this country, too. 853 01:22:36,875 --> 01:22:39,124 He'll see you guys. 854 01:22:52,250 --> 01:22:54,415 Sit on this. 855 01:22:56,333 --> 01:23:00,999 - How did you enjoy the Halloween party? - What a guy he is. - What a guy! 856 01:23:02,250 --> 01:23:07,124 - Alright. How much this time? - Frank, you know. It's never for ourselves. 857 01:23:09,500 --> 01:23:13,082 - Not this time, Frank. - And who asked you to sit down? Get up! 858 01:23:16,583 --> 01:23:18,832 - Mr. Sinatra... - You may call me Frank. 859 01:23:19,541 --> 01:23:22,249 - I can call him Frank. - Not yet. 860 01:23:22,416 --> 01:23:25,874 I'll let you know when you can. Not exactly now, but I'll let you know. 861 01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:28,415 - What can I call you? - Call me sir. 862 01:23:29,375 --> 01:23:35,040 - Call him Sir. - I got it. Sir... We are Cannonballers. 863 01:23:35,666 --> 01:23:37,832 - What? - Cannonballers. 864 01:23:39,375 --> 01:23:41,332 Oh, wait a minute... 865 01:23:41,750 --> 01:23:44,249 I've been lonely as much as you have, from time to time. 866 01:23:44,875 --> 01:23:49,249 - Come on. - That's a hot one, Your Majesty. Sir. 867 01:23:50,083 --> 01:23:53,290 You see, the Cannonball is a race from California to Connecticut. 868 01:23:53,375 --> 01:23:56,999 - We have lots of fun. But the Sheik... - Sheik? - Yes. 869 01:23:57,250 --> 01:24:00,665 - With the blue Rolls Royce. - Who is he? Did I ever sing for him in London, you think? 870 01:24:00,833 --> 01:24:03,499 We can't even pronounce his name. You see, they kidnapped him 871 01:24:03,583 --> 01:24:07,040 and they took $1 million out of the trunk of his car. That's why we came to you. 872 01:24:07,791 --> 01:24:12,165 - Why come to me? Why don't you go to the FBI? - Who taught the FBI? 873 01:24:15,583 --> 01:24:18,082 Okay, alright. Who snatched him? 874 01:24:18,416 --> 01:24:20,624 Oh, the Cannellonis. 875 01:24:23,083 --> 01:24:24,999 I got an idea. 876 01:24:25,125 --> 01:24:29,124 I got a trio that I use in my act and this bum's been trying to steal it for months. 877 01:24:32,416 --> 01:24:34,790 Dorothy, get me Don Don. 878 01:24:38,083 --> 01:24:41,582 They must be terrific for Frank to recommend them personally. 879 01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:45,665 I guarantee you have never seen anything like this in your whole... 880 01:24:45,791 --> 01:24:48,415 I'm not saying this, just because I'm their agent. 881 01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:53,124 You know, I just love auditioning new talent. I get all excited. 882 01:25:28,083 --> 01:25:31,874 - Come on, what's the matter? - They are a little short on looks. 883 01:25:32,083 --> 01:25:35,665 But didn't you notice the nice unison? The way they dance? 884 01:25:51,583 --> 01:25:53,624 They're fabulous. 885 01:26:23,291 --> 01:26:26,915 Frank ain't no dummy. I can't sing... 886 01:26:27,041 --> 01:26:30,749 ...but even I can follow that act. 887 01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:36,665 Thank you. 888 01:26:45,250 --> 01:26:47,665 Girls, you're hired! You're hired, girls! You're hired! 889 01:26:48,125 --> 01:26:52,165 You all have life... lifetime contracts here at the Pinto Ranch. 890 01:26:52,500 --> 01:26:55,249 I'll just have to move someplace else... Now, girls! 891 01:26:55,625 --> 01:26:59,749 Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms and powder your noses... a lot! 892 01:27:00,000 --> 01:27:03,415 Absolutely wonderful. Frank certainly knows his stuff! Just wonderful. 893 01:27:08,166 --> 01:27:10,499 Bad news. 894 01:27:26,833 --> 01:27:30,999 - Oh, girls. How do you spell Laverne? Is that one word or two? - Two. - Three. 895 01:27:32,166 --> 01:27:34,249 Oh, Hymie, what a pleasant surprise! 896 01:27:40,500 --> 01:27:43,040 Uh, what a pleasant surprise... 897 01:27:43,416 --> 01:27:47,832 Hey! I said I'd be here in 24 hours. Therefore... 898 01:27:48,333 --> 01:27:52,999 ...it ain't no surprise. And it ain't gonna be pleasant either. May I? 899 01:27:55,416 --> 01:27:57,332 Oh my God... 900 01:28:10,750 --> 01:28:14,249 - What are these three bow-wows? - It's our new lounge act. 901 01:28:14,333 --> 01:28:18,249 What do they do? Scare the audience to death? ...That's funny! 902 01:28:20,333 --> 01:28:22,540 Mr. Hymie? 903 01:28:24,416 --> 01:28:27,582 - You girls ever hear of Nair? - We're working on it. - Huh? 904 01:28:28,125 --> 01:28:30,624 Our doctor has us on hormones. 905 01:28:31,541 --> 01:28:35,499 Well, I suggest you go for a second opinion, because I think he's over-prescribing. 906 01:28:36,250 --> 01:28:38,790 Hi, I'm Laverne. 907 01:28:45,541 --> 01:28:47,999 Get me those hormones. 908 01:28:49,541 --> 01:28:52,540 Alright, Dumb-Dumb. Where's my nine large? 909 01:28:55,250 --> 01:28:58,624 One million dollars, Hymie. And the rest is in escrow 910 01:28:58,750 --> 01:29:01,790 in a bank in downtown Las Vegas. 911 01:29:02,041 --> 01:29:06,165 I'm gonna consider this interest only, alright? 912 01:29:07,416 --> 01:29:13,790 Now, you have the principal by tomorrow, or you'll be under downtown Las Vegas. 913 01:29:16,416 --> 01:29:20,249 - Girls... so long. - Bye, Mr. Hymie. 914 01:29:22,750 --> 01:29:25,749 Excuse me... You have a Ladies' restroom? 915 01:29:25,875 --> 01:29:29,290 - Yes, it says "Cowgirls". It's the second door on the left. - On the left. 916 01:29:29,500 --> 01:29:34,082 Now, this is a lifetime contract, as I said. I presume they'll have their own wardrobe? 917 01:29:38,500 --> 01:29:40,582 - Tits up! - Alright. 918 01:29:43,750 --> 01:29:47,874 - Mr. Hymie! - That Laverne comes near me, waste her! 919 01:29:50,250 --> 01:29:53,374 We were just wondering if you could give us a little advice on our careers. 920 01:29:53,583 --> 01:29:56,290 Oh, yeah! Get out of show business. 921 01:29:57,125 --> 01:29:58,665 Now! 922 01:30:01,500 --> 01:30:04,249 We got the money! 923 01:30:04,750 --> 01:30:07,165 Hide! Somebody's coming! 924 01:30:17,541 --> 01:30:21,415 - Your purses. - Oh, good. We got the money! - Oh, let's go! - No, no! 925 01:30:22,041 --> 01:30:25,582 - We gotta safe the Sheik! - Come on. - Alright. 926 01:30:29,750 --> 01:30:34,665 Hi, I was wondering if you gentlemen will be kind enough to help me with my luggage? 927 01:30:37,375 --> 01:30:39,790 Man, those three broads got a case of the uglies. 928 01:30:39,875 --> 01:30:42,290 Let the boss not hear you say that. 929 01:30:46,125 --> 01:30:49,374 It's torture, I tell you. Torture! Please. Please! 930 01:30:49,500 --> 01:30:52,165 - Hey, it's got a lock on it. - Break it down. - Come on. 931 01:30:52,833 --> 01:30:55,499 Ladies, at one, two, three! 932 01:30:58,791 --> 01:31:02,374 More Ladies! My beauties, you must wait your turn. 933 01:31:02,500 --> 01:31:04,832 There is only so much water in the fountain. 934 01:31:05,541 --> 01:31:09,999 - Sheik, it's us! - We're not girls! - How dare you? 935 01:31:10,041 --> 01:31:13,249 It is out of the question! Allah will only forgive so much! 936 01:31:13,375 --> 01:31:17,249 - Hey Abdul, put your slipper's on. Let's get outta here. - I don't want to go! 937 01:31:18,083 --> 01:31:21,749 - I've tried everything, but... - Get me out of this. - This is something. 938 01:31:21,833 --> 01:31:25,040 - Can I take this with me? - Okay with me. Come, tickle! 939 01:31:26,875 --> 01:31:31,874 - I'm terribly sorry. - Now, listen to me. If these three uglies get away with my million 940 01:31:32,375 --> 01:31:36,332 Dumb-Dumb, then your father's gonna owe me a big favor. You know why? 941 01:31:36,500 --> 01:31:39,499 No. - Because I'm gonna kill you. And then... 942 01:31:39,791 --> 01:31:42,374 ...he's gonna kill you. And then he's gonna kill you. 943 01:31:42,625 --> 01:31:45,832 - And then he's gonna kill you! - Charmed. There's no need to worry, Hymie. 944 01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:49,040 You see, they cannot escape. There's no way out of here. 945 01:31:49,125 --> 01:31:51,749 You are totally secure! 946 01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:56,249 However, I'm very shaky. 947 01:32:01,500 --> 01:32:04,415 - Open! - Oh, shit! You got the key? 948 01:32:04,625 --> 01:32:08,165 - Maybe. - You ungrateful putz! - Hold it! 949 01:32:14,416 --> 01:32:16,749 The three little pigs! 950 01:32:25,333 --> 01:32:27,249 Get me somebody to hide behind! 951 01:32:30,625 --> 01:32:34,082 This is it, boys. Remember the rules... 952 01:32:34,750 --> 01:32:38,165 - No rules! - You heard him. Absolutely no rules! 953 01:32:38,500 --> 01:32:42,249 I told you, there's nothing to worry about. There won't be any witnesses. 954 01:32:42,833 --> 01:32:45,082 No witnesses? 955 01:32:46,875 --> 01:32:49,332 J.J., they're all around us. I... 956 01:33:12,166 --> 01:33:14,915 - My money or your life. - Money! 957 01:33:16,166 --> 01:33:18,999 - He's got the money. - Ha... He's got the money. 958 01:33:20,666 --> 01:33:21,999 J.J. 959 01:33:27,541 --> 01:33:30,290 Hey, did you see that picture where the bad guys get their last request? 960 01:33:30,625 --> 01:33:34,082 - Yeah. - Well, some time on the late show. - It was really a good movie. 961 01:33:35,750 --> 01:33:38,790 A last meal perhaps? You could lay a little BBQ on us. 962 01:33:38,916 --> 01:33:41,665 You know, something that you would go over the coals with? 963 01:33:42,333 --> 01:33:45,040 I'll have some quiche. And a little chocolate mousse. 964 01:33:46,291 --> 01:33:49,082 Er, Shish kebab... No, no. Couscous. 965 01:33:50,041 --> 01:33:51,499 Friggin' chickasee? 966 01:33:53,250 --> 01:33:55,082 Chicken fricasse... 967 01:33:55,833 --> 01:33:58,165 - And you? - I'd like a wine list. 968 01:34:00,041 --> 01:34:03,124 Where I'm sending you, baby, everything's on the menu. 969 01:34:22,166 --> 01:34:23,749 We're saved! 970 01:34:32,250 --> 01:34:34,249 Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn! 971 01:34:40,666 --> 01:34:42,332 Hi there! 972 01:34:50,750 --> 01:34:52,582 Surprise! 973 01:34:57,000 --> 01:34:58,749 You too! 974 01:35:00,666 --> 01:35:03,165 Any questions, boys? 975 01:35:09,333 --> 01:35:12,082 - Do you mind a personal remark? - No, of course not! 976 01:35:12,250 --> 01:35:14,415 That is absolutely gorgeous! 977 01:35:16,416 --> 01:35:18,499 Hey, one's getting away! 978 01:35:20,833 --> 01:35:24,249 - I got him. - I'll guard your back. Be careful and watch out! 979 01:35:24,291 --> 01:35:26,624 No problem. I'll be right back! 980 01:35:34,250 --> 01:35:36,915 You're okay? Must be a pretty tough guy up there. 981 01:35:37,041 --> 01:35:39,790 - Maybe I should take care of this one. - He's all yours. 982 01:35:44,166 --> 01:35:46,582 I think, he's over his head this time. 983 01:36:01,375 --> 01:36:04,874 - Hey! You look like an athlete. - Wow, thank you. I was an athlete. 984 01:36:05,000 --> 01:36:06,832 - Oh yeah? - Yeah, I was... 985 01:36:08,041 --> 01:36:12,624 - Oh, then you can probably handle yourself. - You're in danger. - I'll protect you, Sister. 986 01:36:13,500 --> 01:36:15,499 Four, five, six, seven... 987 01:36:16,916 --> 01:36:18,415 Next! 988 01:36:22,625 --> 01:36:25,874 Oh, don't do that to me again. This is just beautiful! 989 01:36:26,000 --> 01:36:29,040 - That's European, isn't it? - But of course. - Absolutely stunning! 990 01:36:29,750 --> 01:36:31,665 That's enough. That's enough! 991 01:36:34,291 --> 01:36:36,499 - A thousand thanks, Sisters! - Bless you, my friend. 992 01:36:42,291 --> 01:36:44,124 Over there! Yeah! 993 01:36:44,250 --> 01:36:47,582 Come on, you brat. You pervert! 994 01:36:47,833 --> 01:36:50,249 Hey, how do you like this for a hose job? 995 01:36:56,000 --> 01:36:58,249 Oh yeah? Salute! 996 01:36:59,666 --> 01:37:03,665 - Hello, Chaos! - Look J.J., a flower! Nice, huh? 997 01:37:04,000 --> 01:37:05,749 See ya! 998 01:37:07,250 --> 01:37:10,999 And I figured that 30,000 we owe you... This will more than take care of it. 999 01:37:12,416 --> 01:37:15,124 - May I buy you a drink? - Yes. - Cherie! 1000 01:37:15,666 --> 01:37:18,790 Cherie!? I guess everyone... They seem to be so busy! 1001 01:37:23,541 --> 01:37:24,749 That was fun, J.J! 1002 01:37:28,250 --> 01:37:30,540 - Get those guys! - You got it. 1003 01:37:31,125 --> 01:37:33,415 Fly, baby! Fly! 1004 01:37:34,541 --> 01:37:37,999 Help is on the way! Justice will triumph! 1005 01:37:40,875 --> 01:37:44,249 Sorry, bad guys! Carry on. 1006 01:37:44,875 --> 01:37:49,082 - Raining like a son-of-a-bitch over there. You need any help here? - Yes. Inject that. 1007 01:37:49,250 --> 01:37:53,249 Fine. Oh, the plague! I've seen this before... 1008 01:38:04,333 --> 01:38:08,249 No, Jackie! J.J... Cannonball... You got it! 1009 01:38:20,250 --> 01:38:22,415 - Friend or foe? - Have a guess! 1010 01:38:25,250 --> 01:38:28,665 - It's a bird. - It's a plane. - It's Hymie! 1011 01:38:37,500 --> 01:38:39,999 Would you hold this for me, please? I would like to really... 1012 01:38:40,083 --> 01:38:43,665 ...get a good look at that ring again. It's truly lovely. 1013 01:38:48,083 --> 01:38:49,624 Oh my God... 1014 01:38:57,541 --> 01:38:59,832 oh, look... 1015 01:39:00,250 --> 01:39:04,540 - J.J., it's a vision. - No... No, it's us. 1016 01:39:09,625 --> 01:39:12,040 Oh, Sister Betty. 1017 01:39:12,500 --> 01:39:15,832 - "Him" didn't know you had that in you. - "Him" will. 1018 01:39:17,000 --> 01:39:19,374 We're here to help you win! 1019 01:39:19,875 --> 01:39:24,624 - Did you miss me? - So much... - Oh thanks. A little more than that? 1020 01:39:25,250 --> 01:39:27,999 I'm glad you missed me that much! 1021 01:39:28,791 --> 01:39:30,999 All these wonderful gals! 1022 01:39:32,500 --> 01:39:34,582 Fenderbaum! 1023 01:39:36,333 --> 01:39:38,999 Boy-nun, boy-boy, boy-nun. 1024 01:39:42,333 --> 01:39:46,040 Fenderbaum! What are you doing with my partner? 1025 01:39:46,500 --> 01:39:48,332 - Partner? - Partner? 1026 01:39:48,500 --> 01:39:52,165 Yes! I have bought the Pinto Ranch! 1027 01:39:52,583 --> 01:39:54,040 Yes! 1028 01:39:55,625 --> 01:39:59,165 And why not? I have a weakness for blondes... 1029 01:39:59,375 --> 01:40:02,249 ...and women without mustaches. 1030 01:40:04,500 --> 01:40:10,374 Before you do any hiring you tell your partner about your liabilities. 1031 01:40:10,500 --> 01:40:12,915 You know, you have a very big mouth! 1032 01:40:14,333 --> 01:40:16,582 - My sheik! - My partner! 1033 01:40:16,791 --> 01:40:20,082 My Sheik, I will need just a little operating capital. 1034 01:40:20,666 --> 01:40:22,415 How much? 1035 01:40:23,541 --> 01:40:27,124 - Nine million dollars? - Nine million? 1036 01:40:27,375 --> 01:40:30,874 A drop in the well! I will give you 18 million. 1037 01:40:31,000 --> 01:40:35,082 - That way you will have some petty cash! - Thank you, my sheik. Where are you going? 1038 01:40:35,750 --> 01:40:38,040 To win the race! 1039 01:40:38,500 --> 01:40:42,749 To share in my good fortune with my fellow Cannonballers 1040 01:40:43,000 --> 01:40:47,999 I have decided to raise the prize money to two million dollars! 1041 01:40:49,791 --> 01:40:52,749 - How many zeros is in that? - I don't know! 1042 01:40:53,875 --> 01:40:57,999 - We'll split it three ways? - Yeah! - Come, my sweethearts, we go! 1043 01:41:07,291 --> 01:41:09,290 Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake! Come here a minute! 1044 01:41:10,000 --> 01:41:12,415 What is it, Frank? Can't you see we're busy? 1045 01:41:12,541 --> 01:41:16,249 I know that. That's why I want to get a head start. See you in Connecticut. 1046 01:42:12,750 --> 01:42:17,499 Oh, so sorry. You are average player. Please try again later. 1047 01:42:46,625 --> 01:42:50,540 You gotta have to stop this thing. I can't examine you with all this movin' around. 1048 01:42:50,625 --> 01:42:56,290 I can't stop! I can't stop! Just keep me alive until we reach Connecticut! 1049 01:43:05,166 --> 01:43:07,832 So much for Abdul... 1050 01:43:08,583 --> 01:43:12,499 It's money in the bank, I tell you. A million bucks! 1051 01:43:12,666 --> 01:43:15,540 The whole of a million bucks apiece! 1052 01:43:21,625 --> 01:43:25,332 - That's Frank. - Where'd he learn to drive like that? 1053 01:43:25,583 --> 01:43:27,915 I don't know, but don't let him pass us! 1054 01:43:28,250 --> 01:43:30,749 - Floor it! - It's floored! 1055 01:43:31,291 --> 01:43:34,332 Hi Frank, chicky-lover baby! Hi there! 1056 01:43:34,500 --> 01:43:37,999 Remember me, Fenderbaum? Listen, whoever gets to the finish line first 1057 01:43:38,250 --> 01:43:40,499 we split it 50/50, okay? 1058 01:43:42,000 --> 01:43:43,374 70/30 1059 01:43:44,875 --> 01:43:47,374 How about 10%? 1060 01:43:47,875 --> 01:43:49,290 Forget it. 1061 01:44:13,000 --> 01:44:15,790 Forget it, guys! You're four hours and 15 martinis late! 1062 01:44:15,875 --> 01:44:18,999 Better go in the bar and get gassed up, 'cause you're racing back tomorrow... 1063 01:44:19,333 --> 01:44:23,165 - ...at noon! - Park it. I'll see you in the bar. 1064 01:44:24,000 --> 01:44:27,332 Thanks. We'll leave tomorrow and we'll be back in four days. 1065 01:44:27,583 --> 01:44:31,374 Then Atlantic City and a weekend you'll never forget. 1066 01:44:31,500 --> 01:44:35,040 Once again you have brought shame and disgrace to our tribe 1067 01:44:35,166 --> 01:44:39,249 by not winning the Cannonball Run. - But Pop, there was this doctor in the car. 1068 01:44:39,375 --> 01:44:41,915 - He gave me a... It was kismet. - I warn you! 1069 01:44:42,125 --> 01:44:45,290 Tomorrow's race is the last Cannonball I am financing. 1070 01:44:45,416 --> 01:44:47,999 If you do not win, do not bother to come home. 1071 01:44:48,083 --> 01:44:50,832 Pop, don't worry. I can't lose! 1072 01:44:51,041 --> 01:44:55,874 I have hired the winner of this Cannonball to be my co-driver in the next one. 1073 01:44:56,250 --> 01:45:00,249 I'd like you to meet him. I have told him so much about you, Pop. 1074 01:45:03,500 --> 01:45:07,540 Excuse me, Sir. I'd like you to meet my Pop! 1075 01:45:26,083 --> 01:45:29,915 The Cannonball is a race from California to Connecticut. We have lots of fun. 1076 01:45:30,000 --> 01:45:33,082 And then... The Sheik... What they... 1077 01:45:33,750 --> 01:45:36,624 I can get this. Just a minute. I can do it. Wait a minute. 1078 01:45:37,083 --> 01:45:39,749 - And... - We'll start from the slap. - From the slap? 1079 01:45:40,333 --> 01:45:42,374 Sir! Er... 1080 01:45:45,833 --> 01:45:48,540 Just pick it up right from the slap. 1081 01:45:50,041 --> 01:45:51,790 Sir! 1082 01:45:51,875 --> 01:45:55,915 Sorry, we get this in a minute. It's alright. We get it. Here we go. 1083 01:45:56,291 --> 01:45:59,082 Oh, Sir! The Cannonball is a race 1084 01:45:59,083 --> 01:46:01,249 from Connecticut to your ass. 1085 01:46:15,750 --> 01:46:18,999 Now, if your mother could kiss like that... 1086 01:46:19,333 --> 01:46:22,124 We're just gonna place it. Ready? Huh? 1087 01:46:24,625 --> 01:46:27,082 Is that what you want? You got it. 1088 01:46:27,250 --> 01:46:31,249 - Okay? - I don't trust you. - No, you got it, I swear. I'm just gonna place it. 1089 01:46:34,166 --> 01:46:37,332 Oh shit, if I wasn't getting a lot of money... 1090 01:46:38,125 --> 01:46:41,374 - Don't get it from the ground. - Where might I gonna get it from? 1091 01:46:41,500 --> 01:46:44,249 Get it from here. This is fresh. 1092 01:46:44,666 --> 01:46:47,749 - There'll be a mound here. - I got fresh stuff here. 1093 01:46:47,833 --> 01:46:51,790 Nobody's ever peed on this. I'm just gonna place it. 1094 01:46:55,625 --> 01:46:58,332 How animals live on this shit? 1095 01:47:20,291 --> 01:47:24,374 Listen, if we have these nuns God will be our co-pilot. 1096 01:47:24,750 --> 01:47:27,915 I don't care. You listen to me. Listen to me. 1097 01:47:30,791 --> 01:47:33,082 We're not taking those nuns along. 1098 01:47:36,083 --> 01:47:39,040 What is the matter with you? I can't work like this! 1099 01:47:40,791 --> 01:47:45,249 - She's winking at me. - Hold there. - She's to wave. 1100 01:47:45,291 --> 01:47:50,749 - Alright. - I have no protection. She is... Godammit... - Pick it up. 1101 01:47:51,625 --> 01:47:55,415 - Lepers? New York? - No: "Lepers? Big Apple?" 1102 01:47:56,625 --> 01:47:59,374 I order you... 1103 01:48:02,833 --> 01:48:06,624 - J.J! Long time no see. - Captain Chaos, nice to see you again. 1104 01:48:08,125 --> 01:48:10,749 - Would you do it again? - Yeah, certainly. - Here we go. 1105 01:48:17,666 --> 01:48:20,290 Keep it rollin'. Here we go. 1106 01:48:24,541 --> 01:48:27,749 - J.J! - Captain Chaos! - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1107 01:48:27,875 --> 01:48:31,249 - Good to see you! - Listen, I'd deem it a personal pruverage... privilege, 1108 01:48:31,375 --> 01:48:35,249 if I can get in that bomb and get my teeth fixed. Turn around, let's start again. 1109 01:48:38,541 --> 01:48:42,165 - J.J! - Captain Chaos. - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1110 01:48:42,833 --> 01:48:45,665 I'd deem it a privilege you let me ride in the bomb. 1111 01:48:46,166 --> 01:48:49,749 Did you understand that at all? Just turn around and let me do it again. 1112 01:48:53,750 --> 01:48:56,624 Listen, isn't somebody gonna say "Cut"?