-What exactly was he into? -Cash.
[gasps]
Oh! Oh...
[Jessica] Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.
He cut his throat shaving.
Nobody saw nothing.
And my poor sister,
she becomes a widow before she's married.
But this family of yours,
I mean, I'm just not sure I'm gonna fit in, that's all.
Okay, Padre, let's you and me talk turkey.
I could marry you, quietly.
-[grunting] -Thanks for the use of the hall, Father.
[lively theme music playing]
Oh, hello.
After a week of publishers' meetings
and book interviews in New York,
I can hardly wait to kick off my shoes and relax.
I don't know about you, but I could use a cup of tea.
Isn't it amazing
the amount of mail that accumulates in one week?
Most of it is unsolicited.
It's frightening to think of how many junk mail lists
your name must be on.
Ah-hah.
"Your pre-approved credit card."
One that I didn't apply for.
Oh, my goodness, can the property taxes be due again?
Hmm, it's postmarked Paris.
[laughs]
Michael Hagarty of Her Majesty's service.
Up to some derring-do, no doubt.
Michael, you certainly do get around.
"Dear Jessica,"
Oh, dear.
You know what I like most about Italy, Claudia?
The wine?
The music?
The tradition of retiring after lunch for a little nap.
Awfully civilized, don't you think?
Helps digest those big meals.
You know, the thought of you for dessert
is driving me absolutely wild.
Oh, but, but, but, but--
[clears throat]
[sighs]
You wouldn't happen to have any knockout drops
in that purse of yours, would you?
Fresh out.
I mean, it's all very considerate
of your late husband's family
to supply us with a car and a chauffeur,
but we don't need a nanny,
especially one as ugly as that one.
Be patient, darling.
The wedding is only a week away.
And then we're off to Switzerland.
Really? Not Boston?
I mean, I assumed, since the Carboni business interests
were in Boston, that--
Peter, I knew so little about the business.
We were just married for six months.
Yes, I'm a little hazy about this business of his.
What exactly was he into?
I never really knew,
except that he dealt mostly in cash.
Well, how very wise of him.
You know, to arrange his affairs so prudently.
By the way, you never did mention how he died.
Suddenly.
Darling, why don't you pay the bill
while I go freshen up?
Okay.
-[traditional Italian music playing] -[snaps fingers]
I trust everything was satisfactory, Signore Baines.
Just excellent.
And you can tell the chef that he's outdone himself.
Oh, and add 20% for yourself.
Oh, grazie signore, mille grazie, veramente grazie.
My pleasure.
Call me a silly romantic, but--
-You're a silly romantic. -[laughs]
When I think of the way we met on that plane from Boston--
That was destiny, Claudia, fate, kismet.
Well, almost.
I had the stewardess change my seat next to yours.
-You didn't. -Mm-hmm.
Well, the moment I saw you,
I sensed the tragic grief you tried so hard to conceal.
I knew then that fate had thrown us together
so I could console you.
Right, right.
And who'd ever believe that in that short time,
we'd have fallen in love and decided to get married?
Yes, remarkable,
considering we've scarcely spent a moment alone
since we got off the plane.
Now, Claudia, darling, seriously--
Sweetheart, I know exactly how you feel.
But in Italy, a widow, especially a young widow,
is considered a threat to the family
until she takes another husband...
in Church... legally...
in front of a priest.
Yes, Claudia, this family of yours,
I'm glad you brought them up.
There is something about them that I--
They're my ex-husband's family.
And the only reason that I am here at all
is just to pay my respects
and to settle some details of the estate.
Don't you worry. They like you.
They're in favor of the marriage.
Oh, well, that's good, because so am I.
So am I.
[car horn honking]
[man yelling in Italian]
Darling, it's only a week until the wedding.
I say, old man, you've got the wrong room.
[knife clicks]
-Scusi, Signora.
Yes?
Do you know what happened?
Somebody died, some Englishman.
Died? How?
He cut his throat shaving.
Nobody saw nothing.
This is Mr. Green speaking.
There's been a complication.
The business associate that I was supposed to meet
caught a cold before I could connect with him.
I'm very sorry to hear that.
Does this mean the order's been canceled?
-Negative.
The consignment is urgently expected in London,
and you are expected to deliver it at all costs,
regardless of any flu that may be going around.
Bloody marvelous. [sighs]
But what if the package doesn't want to be delivered?
It seems a wedding present has gotten into the shipment.
Well, listen carefully.
This has top priority,
especially since our competitors in America
are also interested in the goods.
You are authorized to use the express shipment channel.
Damn it, man. Use your ingenuity.
-[dial tone] -["Rule Britannia" playing]
[Peter] Now, how do the shoulders look, darling?
-[Claudia] Wonderful. -[Peter] Yes, I thought so too.
You know, I was thinking.
After the honeymoon in Switzerland,
how about taking a cruise around the world?
Can we afford that?
We can afford anything you like.
Oh, how nice.
Signore, the white suit will be perfetto for a cruise.
Oh, Peter, did you order another suit?
I ordered half a dozen, actually.
Well, I thought it would be nice
to have something suitable for all occasions, you know.
[speaking Italian]
Everything will be ready in time for the wedding, signora.
Fine, fine. Sofia?
Per favore, show Signore Luca a fare.
-Che fare. -Si.
-Cheerio. -Ciao.
[door closes]
Oh! Oh!
Peter, they're going to see us.
Oh, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
[clears throat]
Does it hurt much, darling?
Poor girl.
You know, she turned her ankle on the carpet
just walking across the floor.
Would you believe that? Let's have a look at it.
-Ah! -Ah!
Sorry.
You know, it doesn't seem too bad.
Not much swelling yet, anyway.
Better keep the weight off it for a while, huh?
Was there something you wanted, Mario?
You have a visitor, signora.
Claudia, Monsignor o'Shaughnessy
just arrived from your parish in Boston.
Well, not your parish, Mrs. Carboni.
Actually, we've never met, and this is indeed a pleasure.
Father Flynn, your pastor, poor man,
he was stricken with an attack of the gallbladder,
and he couldn't make it for the ceremony.
But I was an acquaintance of your dearly departed husband.
We played golf several times together.
A fine man. Very generous to the Church.
So His Eminence the Cardinal sent me, o'Shaughnessy,
Monsignor o'Shaughnessy,
as his official emissary from the Boston Diocese.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Monsignor o'Shaughnessy.
And when might I meet your intended?
Is it possible that he's from your parish in Boston?
No, no. Actually, he's from England.
Oh, well.
Darling, come here, please.
There's someone I'd like you to meet.
Say hello to Monsignor o'Shaughnessy.
He's all the way from Boston.
This is my fiancé, Peter Baines.
How do you do?
Baines, you say? Really?
Yeah. Have we met, Father?
No, I don't think so,
but I once knew a gentleman named Harold Baines.
Harold? No, no, no, Harold's my brother.
Oh.
Where on earth did you meet Harold?
Well, I can't remember the exact circumstances.
I do an awful lot of traveling.
Scusi, Claudia.
I got a telephone call this afternoon.
You're gonna have another guest arriving.
Your brother-in-law, Gino,
is coming from Boston for the wedding.
Gino is coming?
Wow!
Did he say when he's arriving?
He no say, but certainly before the wedding.
Did you know Gino, Monsignor?
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
We played together several times.
He had a terrible slice.
Slice?
Oh. [laughs]
That's a golfing term, Signore Carboni.
Perhaps Monsignor o'Shaughnessy
would like to freshen up after his long journey.
Well, thank you very much.
That's very kind, very thoughtful.
But first I have some spiritual duties to perform.
Oh?
Yes, I promised Father Flynn
that the first thing I'd do when I got here
was to hear Claudia's confession.
Oh, well, that's just,
that's so nice of Father Flynn, but I don't--
Now, now, now.
We can do this rather informally.
Perhaps out in the garden?
Come along, my dear. This won't take long.
A passionate woman who has just lost her husband
always has something to confess.
[chuckles]
[dramatic music playing]
Listen, I assure you
she's got nothing to confess that concerns me.
Nothing at all. Absolutely not.
Really.
-[birds chirping] -You see, my child, I am concerned
about your departed husband's soul,
considering the business he was in
and the violence of his death.
Look, Father,
I had nothing to do with the business or his death.
I hope everybody understands that.
Oh, yes, I'm sure they do.
Now, about this chap that you're going to marry, this...
Peter.
Oh, actually, Peter and I have known each other
a very short while.
But he's so... so...
Yes, I'm sure he is.
Now, I do hope, my child,
that this is a true union of the souls,
not merely an attraction of the flesh.
Oh, no. No, no.
Peter is... Peter has many, many admirable qualities.
And your late husband's Italian cousins?
How well do you know them?
Oh, they're very attentive,
very hospitable, very family-oriented.
So I gathered.
In fact, they're giving us a week's vacation
at a luxury resort in Switzerland
as a wedding present.
Is that so?
Now, isn't that thoughtful?
To be honest, Father, I can't wait to get away.
I mean, they're very sweet and all that,
but the atmosphere here at the villa
is a little bit stifling.
Oh, well, it's only natural that you two love birds
should want to get on with the honeymoon.
Well, you can rely on me to help you, in any way I can.
[excitedly] Well, thank you, Father. Thank you.
I better get back inside.
[light music playing]
Ah, well, now,
I can see you've got an eye for fine tailoring, Mr. Baines.
Oh.
Is that what they call the Italian cut?
No, actually, I had this made in Savile Row.
Do you like it?
Splendid, splendid.
I have a friend who says
that you can tell a man's line of work
by the clothes he wears.
Really? [clears throat] Well, what an interesting notion.
Yes, I've never understood that, myself.
You wouldn't be in the banking business, now, would you?
Never had the opportunity,
but I always thought it would be a fascinating challenge.
No, I've mostly just knocked about.
A bit of this, a bit of that.
Tell me, son, what kind of thing
have you lent your hand to, exactly?
Well, let me see.
I was a cruise director for a while.
And then there was a stint selling securities.
I rather enjoyed that.
Then the company collapsed.
-What a shame. -Yes.
And then I was a yacht broker in Monaco for the season.
The trouble there was, I got seasick.
[both laugh]
And then once in Paris, when I was a bit down on my luck,
I gave dancing lessons.
I would imagine a man would meet
a number of wealthy women in that line of work.
Father, you never did tell me how you met my brother, Harold.
Ah, yes.
Well, the exact circumstances have slipped my mind.
Well, we were never that close, actually.
Harold was always a bit too... too proper for my taste.
Odd, though.
I got a letter last Christmas from one of my dotty aunties,
and she said something about Harold being in Greece...
in jail.
-Oh, my. -Yeah, strange.
Harold was always such a straight-laced sort of fellow.
Well, I suppose you can never tell
about some people, you know.
Beneath the facade, there's somebody totally unexpected.
[fanciful music playing]
[horn honking]
Hey, this is some kind of place here.
Gino, benvenuto.
Welcome to the land of your grandfathers.
Our home is your home.
Grazie.
I'm your cousin Antonio.
So sorry about your brother's death.
[speaking Italian]
Thank you. It was a lousy way to go.
Hey, come sta, Gino? I am your cousin Vito.
Che fa, Gino?
This is not necessary.
We are cousins.
Hey, guys, it's a habit.
I feel naked without it.
We have heard the wonderful things about you, cousin,
that you killed your first man when you was 15.
-Thirteen, but who's counting? -[all laugh]
-Grazie.
-Is Claudia here? -Si, Si.
We give her all our attenzione.
That cheap bimbo left Boston in a hurry.
Maybe with something that didn't belong to her.
I thought you said Gino was here.
But, Claudia, this is Gino.
This man is not Gino.
I've never seen him before in my life.
Now, wait a minute.
This broad ain't my brother's wife.
I don't know who this man is,
but I know the brother of the poor husband
who died in my arms.
She's lying.
Hey, look at my passport.
Did I hear somebody say that Gino Carboni had arrived?
Monsignor, do you know Gino Carboni?
Oh, yes, of course.
He was the one who introduced me to Claudia's husband.
He was the best golfer of the lot.
And this man, Monsignor?
How do you do? Monsignor o'Shaughnessy.
-And you are? -Gino Carboni.
Oh, well, if he says he's Gino Carboni,
then he'd better go to confession.
What, are you all crazy?
Look at my passport!
Yes, it's a very good job.
Just like the real thing.
Only whoever forged it
gave the wrong zip code for Boston.
-Now, wait a minute! -Silenzio.
You will please excuse us
while we send this imbroglione back where he came from.
[door closes]
[mumbling]
[speaking Italian]
Oh, signora !
Oh, it's all right, Theresa.
Peter, you look terrible.
What's the matter?
[whispers] Get rid of her.
It's okay, she doesn't speak English.
Now, what's the matter?
-They just murdered him. -Who?
Who? Who?
The chap claiming to be your brother-in-law, that's who.
Poor sod.
Oh, Claudia, darling,
you know I worship the ground you walk on,
but this family of yours,
I'm just not sure I'm gonna fit in, that's all.
I thought you loved me.
I do love you. You know I love you.
It's just that, well, deep down,
I think they resent me.
I don't want to cause any family dissention.
Peter, darling, listen.
They're not really my family.
[chuckles]
Oh, sweetheart,
I promise, once we're married,
we never have to come back to Italy again.
You may not have much to say about it.
Oh, darling, I need you.
I just can't bear the thought of all... that... money
and no one to share it with.
Yes, well, I well, I suppose, on the other hand, I could--
I've gotta tell you something.
What?
The reason we're going to Switzerland...
Yeah?
Is because there's so much money
in my safe deposit box.
Well, you know, I suppose we don't have
to see that much of them, do we?
I mean, socially.
Exactly how much money are we talking about here?
Well, I think it might help you to understand
exactly the nature of my ex-husband's business.
No! Claudia, no.
Really, I don't care to know.
But I want to be honest with you.
Yes, I know you do. I know. I know.
It's just that... [clears throat] I just don't want to know.
I mean, supposing somebody, someday
puts me in the witness box?
Your relatives. Think about it.
They might take offense.
i think you'd better go before they see you.
[speaking Italian]
Speak English.
Sometimes the hired help have big ears.
It's been confirmed.
The private bank account is in Switzerland.
Our American cousins have been cheating us.
But what bank?
As soon as we get the widow married off,
she goes off to Switzerland,
and she leads me right to the money.
But why is it you who follows them to Switzerland?
Because you know the risks
if we leave the safety of Palermo.
However, no one know exactly
what's in this bank box, yes?
Or how much money it contains.
I will find out. I will bring it back.
Mario,
Vito and I no can let you take this risk alone.
We all go to Switzerland.
If you insist.
We insist.
That way, we can all deliver
the final wedding present for Claudia
and her gigolo.
Ah, Signore Baines.
Un poco brandy before bed?
Va bene.
You're a man who has a taste for the best things money can buy.
Oh, living well has [clears throat] always been a bit of a hobby of mine.
Perhaps you'll join me in a cigar?
A cigar? Oh, thank you very much.
Yes, yes, I don't mind if I do.
I have these sent from Cuba.
Cuba? Oh, how nice.
Hmm? Oh.
Thank you.
Calms the nerves.
A bridegroom is always nervous, no?
Yes, I expect it's all [clears throat] this waiting around.
In Sicilia, a man must learn to be patient.
Pazienza.
Oh, yes, yes. By all means, yes.
You remember when you first arrived here,
you and I, we talk about the honor of a famiglia?
Yes, I remember.
Absolutely. [chuckles nervously]
I'm not sure you understood.
-[traditional Italian music playing] -There was a man from Napoli I once knew.
He was engaged to my sister.
A very impatient man.
He ran off with her to Rome before the wedding.
Oh, dear.
He showed no respect.
He could not wait until she was properly married.
So my brothers and me, we followed them
and we find them in a hotel in Rome.
And my poor sister, she becomes a widow before she's married.
But that was another man, another time.
You are a man of understanding.
It will be an honor to have you in our famiglia.
That's very nice of you to say so.
-Buona notte, Pietro.
Yes.
-[church bells ringing] -Monsignor, it is an honor
you come all the way from Boston for the ceremony.
You will of course assist at the nuptial mass?
Of course.
-Bellissimo.
Now, if you will excuse me,
I must speak to the sexton about the flowers.
Certainly.
-Signorina. -Mm-hmm.
Will you look at these guys?
They won't let me out of their sight.
Well, they're just guarding your virtue, my child.
Well, I would sooner give them the slip
and get on to Switzerland right now.
Now?
Darling, we really ought to respect the local traditions.
And your cousins would be awfully, awfully offended
if we didn't wait for the ceremony.
We're practically prisoners here.
What do you think, Monsignor?
Frankly, I don't think you're going to get any peace
until you are in Switzerland.
Then let's do it.
No, darling. I'm sorry.
I don't want to sound stuffy,
but the family have made it very clear.
[stammering] And I, for one, am not going to leave Sicily,
at least not until you and I are properly married.
Oh, well, if that's your only problem, son,
I could marry you quietly.
When?
Here and now.
Then you could be off to Switzerland man and wife.
Great idea.
[upbeat Italian music playing]
Works for me.
[laughs]
-Andiamo.
-[church bells ringing] -To love, honor, and obey,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death you do part?
I do.
Then by the power vested in me
by the Holy Mother of the Church,
I now pronounce you man and wife.
I don't believe I've ever heard
that version before, Father.
Well, there have been quite a few changes
since the Vatican Council.
You may now kiss the bride.
Hey, hey, hey! Che fanno?
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
Practice, practice.
Practico, practico.
[chuckles]
You go out and wait by the car.
I'll take care of this. I'll be with you in a tick.
Monsignor o'Shaughnessy, what's going on?
Nothing.
We were just saying a few prayers,
and the lads got the wrong idea.
Thanks for the use of the hall, Father.
[men speaking in Italian]
Have him drive me!
Get in and drive!
Whoa!
Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!
[gunshots]
[tires squealing]
[gunshots]
[men speaking in Italian]
[car peeling out]
What happened back there?
Just a little misunderstanding with one of the hired help.
[upbeat chase music playing]
[tires squealing]
Where in the name of all that is holy
did you learn to drive like this?
Daytona.
Dayt-- You must be joking.
I spent a season on the racing circuit.
Where are we going?
About five kilometers down the road.
Make the first right turn. There's a small airstrip.
I've got a chartered plane waiting.
You're mighty well prepared, Father.
Uh, it's a wedding gift from His Eminence.
Just take bloody care
you don't get us killed before we get there.
I'm doing my best.
[horn honking]
[men yelling in Italian]
[brakes squealing]
Let's get cracking. We're in a bit of a hurry.
Scusi, Padre. I cannot take you.
What the hell are you talking about?
The charter, she is canceled.
The Carboni brothers just phoned me.
-No flights must leave-- -Now listen, you.
Get in that plane, and crank it up now!
Padre, forgive me. I cannot do it.
They threatened my life. I have a wife and four children.
[airplane engine rumbling]
[tires squealing]
[car peeling out]
By the way, I know I keep asking you this.
Where are we going?
Geneva.
Charming.
Well, it's probably not as plush as the suite
that your cousins planned to reserve for you,
but, under the circumstances, much cozier.
Right, now, what we're gonna need
is a bottle of your best champagne,
two glasses, and a tin of Beluga caviar.
Oh, and let us know when the luggage arrives
from the airport, would you?
Yes, monsieur.
Got any Swiss francs, Father? I seem to be fresh out.
Merci, Monsignor.
Yes, well, thanks for all your help, Father.
And now Mrs. Baines and I really mustn't detain you
a moment longer.
-Peter, darling. -My love.
As long as there really is no luggage,
would you be a dear and run to the lobby
and pick up some toothbrushes
and anything else you think we might need?
What a good idea.
Well, I won't be a moment.
Good-bye, Father.
If we're ever in Boston, we'll give you a ring.
Okay, Padre, let's you and me talk turkey.
Why, Mrs. Baines, whatever do you mean?
If I thought I were really Mrs. Baines,
I'd be out that door.
My guess is, you're my contact from MI6.
Michael Hagarty, Mrs. Carboni, at your service.
You'll have to forgive me, I'm a very cautious man.
I would have revealed myself to you a long time ago
except that one of our lads got his throat cut...
by your cousins.
Then there is the little matter of your fiancé.
Where'd you pick him up?
And more to the point, why?
Peter's attractive. We're in love.
And a girl has to make plans for the future.
Try again.
A girl can always use some muscle.
Peter looks like he could take care of himself and me
if things got rough.
He also looks like a pretty good beard
for a honeymoon trip
to look at a certain bank box in Switzerland.
Now look who's being perceptive.
Look, Hagarty,
I agreed to go along with British intelligence
on two conditions:
One, that I got protection and asylum in England,
and, two, that I get to keep all the money
in the safe deposit box.
That is our deal, isn't it?
Hmm, if we get what we want...
namely, the little black book.
Look, I don't know what's in that book,
and I don't want to know.
All I want is a brand-new life
and a lot of financial security.
Not to mention a new husband.
It seems to me that Baines is the kind of chap
that would go through a fortune like a dose of salts.
Why don't you let me worry about Baines?
Fine. What I'm worried about is your in-laws.
They must be aware of the goodies
in your safe deposit box.
But what they don't know is which city and which bank.
Success!
Oh, are you still here, Father?
Haven't you got a flock to shear somewhere else?
Now, now, now, now, I was just talking to your bride
about her marriage obligations.
Ah, well, maybe you could write her a letter.
Darling, while you talk to Monsignor o'Shaughnessy,
I'm going to slip into a hot bath.
That's a splendid idea.
Take that with you. I'll join you in a minute.
This preoccupation you have
with the pleasures of the flesh,
it's highly overrated, my son.
The true joy of marriage lies in--
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
You can drop the priestly platitudes, friend.
I've impersonated a priest myself once or twice.
Let me guess.
Was it when you were a fund-raiser?
Who are you?
Well, the name on my passport says Michael Hagarty.
At least that's the name on one of my passports.
I see.
Well, Mr. Hagarty, I'm not sure what your game is,
and I don't really care.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd rather like to start my honeymoon.
But since I'm not really a priest,
you're not really married.
Yes, I know that,
but I see no need to break that news to Claudia,
at least not tonight.
Too late for that, I'm afraid.
What? You mean she already knows?
Mm.
Listen, boyo, I'll tell you one thing and one thing only.
I'm with British intelligence,
and the lady and I are here in Geneva
to transact some business.
MI6. That's how you know Harold.
-He's MI6 too. -Was.
That jail term in Athens is all too real,
and I'm the one who put him there,
with a little help from a writer friend.
The charge is murder.
Murder? Harold?
[scoffs] That's unbelievable.
Yeah, I always figured Harold for a stuffed-shirt bureaucrat.
His weakness was money.
Apparently, it runs in the family.
Now, listen, you.
Claudia and I happen to be in love,
and we are gonna get married.
Sorry, boyo, but your wedding night's on hold.
I can't let Claudia out of my sight
until we've concluded our business in the morning.
Security reasons.
You're sleeping alone tonight.
Right here.
[telephone rings]
-Pronto.
[with French accent] Bonjour.
I would like to speak to Mrs. Claudia Carboni,
s'il vous plait.
She's not here at the moment.
Who's speaking, please?
This is the Swiss Federal Bank in Geneva.
We would like to confirm her appointment
at 10:00 in the morning.
Call the airport. We leave subito.
I can get a message to her.
What bank was that?
Swiss Federal Bank, Geneva.
10:00 in the morning.
Grazie. M-merci.
[traditional Italian music playing]
Oh, hello.
Hello. How did you sleep?
Oh, hardly a wink. Ow!
What about you?
Well, I wasn't very comfortable
sleeping in there all by myself.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Now, listen, Claudia, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid
I'm really going to have to put my foot down.
Just as soon as this bank business is finished,
you and I are going to find a magistrate,
and we're gonna get properly married.
-Okay. -Really?
-Peter. -What's the matter?
There's something I should have told you--
Your family? Forget about it.
No, it's not the family. It's something else.
-It's that I'm-- It's that I-- -[slow romantic music playing]
I really am attracted to you.
[both moaning]
The bank opens in half an hour.
I've got a car waiting downstairs.
Sent your dog collar to the cleaners,
have you, Padre?
You can get anything at a good Swiss hotel...
if you tip the concierge enough.
Let's go.
Oh, hold it, hold it. I'm coming too.
-Sorry. -Listen, Hagarty.
Now, Claudia and I are practically married,
and I'm coming with you
just to make sure you don't pull any tricks on her.
You make an interesting point, darling.
What's the matter? Doesn't he trust you?
The question is, do I trust you?
[suspenseful music playing]
You'd better get dressed.
Right. Ha!
Won't be long.
Peter, why didn't you tell me you'd smudged my lipstick?
Sorry, darling.
Um, are we sure this is gonna be big enough?
How much money do you think
one of those safe deposit boxes holds?
Well, I had a dream last night,
and, well, it was a jolly big box.
This is as far as you go, Mr. Baines.
Oh.
I'd like to visit my safe deposit box, please.
May I have the key, madam?
Thank you.
Allow me.
Let's pray my dear departed husband wasn't lying to me.
[gasps] Oh!
Oh. Oh.
Oh!
Well, it seems he was as greedy as he was dishonest.
I'll just count this later.
[money thunks on floor]
Huh, and I thought only the little money
slipped through your fingers.
Color me overeager.
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, the black book goes to you.
And the money stays with me.
Thank you, Mrs. Carboni.
It's a pleasure doing business with you.
Everything all right?
-Perfectly fine. -That looks heavy.
Let me give you a hand with that.
I can manage.
Listen, while I was waiting, I looked in the phone book.
Now, there's a magistrate in the next street.
City Hall is just around the corner.
We can go in, get the license, Bob's your uncle.
Bob's your uncle?
Yes, it's just a figure of speech, Claudia.
English figure of speech.
Means everything's copasetic, terrific.
Well, Mr. Hagarty,
it's been extremely interesting meeting you.
We won't trouble you for a lift. We'll just take a cab, be on our way.
[speaking Italian]
You no think we could let you slip out of town
without a wedding reception?
Unless you wish to shed your life's blood
here on the street, give us the suitcase.
Freeze! Stand very still, gentlemen.
Brian, get his gun.
[police siren wailing]
What is the meaning of this outrage?
-We have rights as-- -Yeah, yeah, let's go.
Let's go. Move it.
Get in and drive!
-[car peeling out] -[suspenseful Italian music playing]
[Claudia screams]
[shouting in French]
What the hell was all that about?
Peter, you could have gotten us killed, driving like that.
Don't worry, Claudia.
Your fiancé is an expert car driver.
Does anybody got a clue
who those other guys were back there?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I think I've got it sorted out.
C.I.A.?
You're C.I.A.?
Darling, why on earth didn't you tell me?
It was my cover, Peter. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah, sure, but--
Just think of it as a healthy competition, old chap.
British MI6 and the Yanks' C.I.A.
are both interested in the same family business,
particularly a little black record book
that's been hidden away
in a secret numbered Swiss bank box.
Names, contacts, payoffs, the lot.
Only the widow of one of the Boston dons
knew the location and the numbers.
But we, considering that our turf, had a better plan.
We thought we'd just nab those thugs from Palermo.
So we came up with a scheme to lure them out of Sicily,
where we couldn't touch them.
The honeymoon in Switzerland fit in perfectly.
Actually, that was her idea.
Then you weren't really married to that chap in Boston?
The real Claudia Carboni
must have gone to the U.S. authorities,
asked for protection, offered to co-operate.
Isn't that true, Miss... or is it Mrs.?
Jennifer Page.
I'm a Miss.
Jennifer.
We grabbed her out of a clerical job in Denver
because she was a dead ringer for the real Claudia Carboni.
A risk, since she had no field experience.
My, you learn fast.
It's been a pleasure, Hagarty.
Anything I admire, it's a good loser.
By the way, where is the book, Agent Page?
Right over here.
[clears throat]
Is this what you're looking for?
Oh! Yes.
It fell out of your purse in the car.
Oh.
Thank you.
There you go.
Get this in the pouch to Washington immediately.
-All right. -Take the suitcase with you.
What? Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Claudia-- Yeah, I'm sorry. Jennifer.
What are they doing?
Guess that about wraps it up.
Where's he going with the case?
Better luck next time, Hagarty.
I'll catch up with you later.
Right.
You skunk!
You took that out of my purse!
I don't get any of this. Excuse me--
True, but at least I was gentleman enough
to give it back to you,
the same way you gave it to me in the bank vault.
Don't worry, Miss Page.
I'll send the real thing along
after we've had a good, long look at it.
What-- Peter, what is it?
Well, I'm just a little confused here.
Does all this mean that you don't get to keep the money?
No, I don't, darling. I'm sorry.
Regulations.
So can I give you two a lift to the magistrate's?
What?
Oh, well, I don't know that we have to rush into this.
I mean, there are a number of things we've got to discuss,
such as... well, do you know
that I haven't even had the opportunity
of telling my own family about this engagement?
Funny, that's the first time that came up.
Oh, darling, come on.
No, I love you deeply, you know I do, I always will.
It's just that at the moment, well, I don't even have a job.
Actually, I'm a bit flat,
and marriage is a very big financial responsibility.
Terrific.
When you thought I was a rich mafia widow,
you couldn't wait to get me in the sack.
Oh, darling, no, no.
On that score, I was totally sincere.
I find you devastatingly attractive,
but, well, you've got to admit that I've had a shock.
Several.
On the other hand, I don't see why we can't have a...
Well, a really meaningful relationship.
-Relationship? -Yeah.
That's like a commitment with no rings attached, right?
Right?
No.
Right?
Well, sort of.
Yes, I've crossed trails with our American competitors.
I warned you they were in the game.
They've packed the three items from Palermo off to Boston.
And what about our merchandise?
Well, there was almost a mix-up.
But the authentic volume is on its way to London
in today's pouch.
Oh, splendid, Michael. Congratulations.
But now, now, I've got something rather interesting for you.
Oh, no, no, no. I've got leave coming.
We've had a tip
about the Alpine Grand Prix Auto Race,
which starts in Vienna and winds up in Paris.
Of course, I could always take it later.
Well, it seems that they're gonna use the race as a cover
to smuggle some counterfeit currency plates into France,
and we'd like you to look into it.
Sounds like a bit of fun.
So happens that I bumped into a civilian
who's one hell of a driver.
He used to race.
And he's out of a job at the moment.
He might be useful.
-Use your best judgment.
Oh, and call me in the morning on a secure line,
and I'll give you the details.
Whatever you do, don't let the Americans get wind of it.
[Italian music playing]
[lively theme music playing]