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( theme music playing )
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YOU MAY THINK IT STRANGE
THAT I, RENE ARTOIS,
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SHOULD BE BREAKING
INTO MY OWN CAFE
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AT THE DEAD OF NIGHT
DRESSED AS A PRIEST.
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THERE IS, OF COURSE,
A VERY GOOD REASON FOR THIS.
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IN THIS DISGUISE
I INTENDED TO RECEIVE,
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THROUGH THE WINDOW
OF THE CONFESSIONAL BOX,
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A BAR OF GOLD
FROM COLONEL VON STROM.
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IN RETURN I WAS SUPPOSED
TO GIVE HIM THIS BUNDLE OF FORGED BANK NOTES.
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UNFORTUNATELY,
THE REAL PRIEST RETURNED UNEXPECTEDLY.
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AND SO ALL I WAS
ABLE TO DO WAS TO HEAR MY WIFE EDITH CONFESS
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THAT SHE SUSPECTED
ME OF HAVING AFFAIRS WITH MY WAITRESSES.
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NEEDLESS TO SAY
I ADMONISHED HER SEVERELY
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FOR HAVING
SUCH BASELESS THOUGHTS
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AND SENT HER BACK
WITH A FLEA IN HER EAR
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AND 200 HAIL MARYS.
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- AH!
- OH, RENE.
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IT IS YOU.
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HOLD ME TO YOU.
STOP ME TREMBLING WITH FEAR.
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OH, RENE, I CAME DOWN
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
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THERE WAS SOMETHING
STIRRING IN THE DARKNESS.
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THERE IS.
IT IS ME.
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- ( sighs )
- THANK HEAVENS YOU ARE SAFE.
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CRUSH MY FRIGHTENED BODY
IN YOUR ARMS.
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HUG THE FEAR OUT OF ME.
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NOT WHILE I HAVE
THIS HAT ON.
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OH, RENE.
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OH, YVETTE.
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RENE! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR
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WITH THE SERVANT GIRL
IN HER NIGHTGOWN?!
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YOU STUPID WOMAN!
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I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO JOIN YOU UPSTAIRS
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WHEN I HEARD A PROWLER
AND CAME TO INVESTIGATE.
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DO YOU NOT REALIZE
IT IS A MORTAL SIN
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TO HARBOR
SUCH JEALOUS THOUGHTS?
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OH, YOU ARE RIGHT.
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I AM SO FAR
FROM BEING PERFECT FOR YOU.
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I MUST DRIVE OUT
THIS WICKEDNESS THAT IS WITHIN ME!
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OUT! OUT,
WICKED THOUGHTS!
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- OUT!
- EDITH, STOP IT!
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THESE ARE 100 FRANCS
A DOZEN.
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DO YOU THINK
I AM MADE OF MONEY?
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NOW TAKE YOUR CANDLE
AND GO OFF TO BED.
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YVETTE AND I WILL
LOCK UP. GO ON.
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OH, RENE,
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YOU ARE SUCH A FINE MAN.
I DO NOT DESERVE YOU.
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GOODNESS SHINES
OUT OF YOUR NOBLE FACE.
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- WILL YOU BE LONG?
- WELL, I WILL JUST READ A CHAPTER OR TWO
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FROM THE GOOD BOOK
AND THEN I WILL BE WITH YOU.
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OH, THAT WAS
A NARROW SQUEAK.
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OH, LET US TAKE
THE GOLD NOW AND ESCAPE
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- BEFORE OUR LUCK RUNS OUT.
- IT HAS ALREADY RUN OUT.
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I HAD TO LEAVE THE CHURCH
BEFORE THE COLONEL ARRIVED WITH THE GOLD.
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I STILL HAVE
THIS FORGED MONEY.
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OH NO, WHAT ARE
WE GOING TO DO?
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WELL, HOW LONG DOES IT
TAKE TO READ TWO CHAPTERS?
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- OH RENE.
- OH YVETTE.
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- ( knocks on door )
- OH! OH.
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- WHAT'S HAPPENED?
- I THINK IT IS THE COLONEL.
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Von Strom:
OPEN THE DOOR! WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!
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( bell dings )
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UP AGAINST THE BAR.
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HANDS UP!
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WE HAVE-A BEEN-A DIDDLED!
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THE COLONEL
HANDED OVER THE GOLD AND WE GOT NOTHING.
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EXCEPT-A
THE HAIL-A THE MARYS.
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THAT EXPLAINS
EVERYTHING.
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I-I-I HAVE JUST HAD A VISIT
FROM A MAN OF THE CHURCH
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WHO I DO NOT KNOW.
HE GAVE ME THIS MONEY,
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SAYING, "GIVE THESE NOTES
UNTO THE MAN,
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YEA, EVEN UNTO HE WHO GAVE
THE GOLD UNTO THE CHURCH,
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VERILY."
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HE MUST'VE
MEANT YOU, COLONEL.
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RENE, I KNEW YOU
WOULD NOT LET US DOWN.
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WELL, I WAS AS
MYSTIFIED AS YOU,
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- BEING JUST
THE MAN IN BETWEEN. - ( knocks on door )
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- ( Rene gasps )
- WHO'S THAT?
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WE MUST NOT BE SEEN.
CAN WE USE THE BACK PASSAGE?
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YES, OF COURSE.
TURN RIGHT OUTSIDE THE BACK DOOR.
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SEE YOU LATER THEN?
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- IT IS THE PRIEST.
- OH, HECK.
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- ( bell dings )
- MY SON, I HAVE GOOD NEWS.
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THIS NIGHT, THIS GOLD
WAS HANDED UNTO ME.
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I WISH IT TO GO
TO THE RESISTANCE, WHO I DO NOT KNOW.
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WELL, I DO NOT
KNOW THEM EITHER!
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BUT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW
SOMEONE WHO DOES KNOW THEM.
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TAKE IT AND GO
IN PEACE, MY SON.
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AND TRY TO KEEP
YOUR HANDS OFF THE SERVANTS.
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I HAVE NOT CONFESSED
ANYTHING. HAVE YOU?
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WELL, JUST A LITTLE BIT,
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YOU KNOW, TO STOP HIM
FALLING ASLEEP.
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OH, RENE, NOW THAT
WE HAVE THE GOLD,
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LET US ESCAPE
TOGETHER NOW.
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YVETTE, A SACRED TRUST
HAS BEEN HANDED UNTO ME.
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BESIDES, THE LAST BUS
WENT FOUR HOURS AGO.
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- Edith: RENE!
- UH, COMING, DEAR!
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( clears throat )
♪ ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL ♪
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♪ ALL CREATURES
GREAT AND SMALL... ♪
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HELGA IS HERE,
HERR FLICK.
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- BRING HER IN.
- BRING HER IN HERE!
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YOU SENT FOR ME,
HERR FLICK?
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YOU WERE AT THE CASTLE
WHEN THE BRITISH AIRMEN
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LEFT WITH THE OFFICERS
FROM BERLIN.
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YES, HERR FLICK.
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THEY WERE IN FACT
ABDUCTED BY THE RESISTANCE.
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AT THE TIME,
YOU WERE SMOOCHING WITH CAPTAIN BERTORELLI
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WHO WAS IN CHARGE
OF THE GUARD.
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NOBODY NOTICED EXCEPT YOU.
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PRECISELY.
I COULD KEEP QUIET,
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PROVIDING YOU PROMISE NOT
TO SMOOCH WITH HIM AGAIN.
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- I DID IT ONLY
TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS. - YOU SUCCEEDED.
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HE CAME BACK HERE
AND HE JUMPED UP AND DOWN ON HIS GESTAPO HAT!
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SILENCE, VON SMALLHAUSEN!
GO TO YOUR CUPBOARD.
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HELGA, WE LIVE
IN DANGEROUS TIMES.
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WE KNOW NOT
WHAT FATE HAS IN STORE.
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ONE DAY THE GESTAPO
MAY BECOME UNPOPULAR.
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- SURELY NOT.
- TO SAFEGUARD AGAINST THIS,
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I HAVE DECIDED
TO SELL THE PORTRAIT OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
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WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP FOR HARD CASH
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IN CASE WE HAVE
TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
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VON SMALLHAUSEN IS
MAKING AN EFFORT TO FIND A FENCE.
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YOU, BEING A LANCE CORPORAL
AND MIXING WITH LOWLY AND INFERIOR PEOPLE,
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MAY BE ABLE
TO BE OF ASSISTANCE.
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I WILL DO
MY INSIGNIFICANT BEST TO HELP YOU, HERR FLICK.
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- GOOD. YOU MAY KISS ME.
- LIKE WE DID IN THE OLD DAYS?
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IF YOU INSIST.
TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.
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THAT IS SUFFICIENT.
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I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
AT THE HAIRDRESSER'S.
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IT CAN WAIT.
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RENE, MICHELLE WANTS YOU
IN THE BACKROOM.
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OH HECK, WILL SHE
NEVER LEAVE US IN PEACE?
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YVETTE, EDITH,
BACKROOM, COME ON.
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NOW LOOK, MICHELLE,
EVERY SCHEME YOU HAVE EVER COME UP WITH
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HAS BEEN SCREWED UP.
I REFUSE TO HIDE THE AIRMEN ANY LONGER.
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I AM GOING TO
HAND THEM OVER TO THE GERMANS.
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THERE WILL BE NO NEED.
WE HAVE A BOLD PLAN
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TO GET THEM
BACK TO ENGLAND WHICH CANNOT FAIL.
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EH, I HAVE HEARD
THAT BEFORE.
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THIS MUST BE
A MOST UNUSUAL PLAN.
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LOOK, DO NOT GET
SARCASTIC WITH ME.
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YOU COME AND RUN
THE RESISTANCE AND I WILL STAY IN THE CAFE
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AND SING...
OFF THE NOTE.
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HOW DARE YOU!?
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LADIES, LADIES, PLEASE.
THE STRAIN OF THE WAR HAS SHREDDED OUR NERVES.
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LET US HEAR THE PLAN.
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WE HAVE CAPTURED
A BRAND-NEW BARRAGE BALLOON.
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WHEN THERE IS
A FAVORABLE WIND,
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IT WILL BE
INFLATED AT NIGHT BEHIND YOUR CAFE.
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IT WILL CARRY
THE AIRMEN TO ENGLAND.
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A SPITFIRE
WILL THEN SHOOT IN IT A FEW SMALL HOLES
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AND IT WILL DESCEND
GENTLY TO EARTH.
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IT IS A DARING PLAN.
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JUST A MINUTE.
DO YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THE GERMANS WILL NOT NOTICE
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A DAMN GREAT BARRAGE BALLOON
IN MY BACK GARDEN?
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THAT IS THE CLEVER BIT.
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IT WILL BE DELIVERED
WITH A MARQUEE
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WHICH WILL BE ERECTED
IN YOUR GARDEN.
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FOR WHAT PURPOSE?
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FOR THE WEDDING
OF MADAME FANNY TO MONSIEUR LECLERC.
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BUT THEIR WEDDING
IS NOT FOR SIX WEEKS.
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WHAT EXCUSE DO WE HAVE
FOR MAKING IT SO SOON?
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YOU WILL TELL
THE VILLAGERS THAT IT IS TO BE A SHOTGUN WEDDING.
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THEY WILL CERTAINLY
BE THE OLDEST COUPLE
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IN NOUVION
TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE.
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BUT WILL NOT
THE BALLOON EXPLODE IF IT IS SHOT DOWN?
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WE HAVE THOUGHT
OF THIS. IT IS TO BE FILLED WITH HELIUM.
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THIS IS A RARE GAS.
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT?
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THERE IS STILL SOME
IN AN OLD AIRSHIP FACTORY.
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IT IS HIDDEN
IN SMALL CANISTERS
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WHICH WILL BE
DELIVERED TO YOU
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00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:08,914
DISGUISED AS PRIZE-WINNING
VEGETABLE MARROWS.
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BUT ARE THEY NOT
OUT OF SEASON AT THIS TIME OF YEAR?
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THEY ARE FROM ALGERIA.
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THEY WILL BE
DELIVERED TO YOU
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00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:23,929
BY A MAN DISGUISED AS
AN ALGERIAN PRIZE-WINNING VEGETABLE MARROW SALESMAN.
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AN EVERYDAY SIGHTING
IN NOUVION, OF COURSE.
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00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:32,938
OH, THE RESISTANCE HAVE
FIXED IT FOR FRIDAY.
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MY MOTHER
WILL NOT LIKE IT.
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00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:37,576
I DO NOT LIKE IT.
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00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,580
BUT YOU WILL BE DOING IT
FOR FRANCE, MAMA.
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00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,584
AND YOU CAN HAVE
A LOVELY RECEPTION IN THE MARQUEE.
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I AM NOT WELL ENOUGH.
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00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,089
IS IT YOUR
BAD LEG, MAMA?
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00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:53,592
NO NO NO NO,
MY BAD LEG IS GOOD AT THE MOMENT.
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EVERYTHING ELSE
HAS PACKED UP.
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00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,603
THE DOCTOR HAS
ORDERED THAT I SPEND FOUR WEEKS IN BED
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00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:08,107
BEFORE ATTEMPTING
THAT JOURNEY UP THE AISLE.
188
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:11,110
WE CANNOT CHANGE
THE PLANS, MAMA.
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00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:14,113
SOMEHOW THE GOOD LORD
WILL GET YOU TO THE CHURCH.
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00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:17,616
WELL, I SUPPOSE
IF HE WANTS ME THERE,
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00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,619
HE WILL FIX IT.
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00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:23,122
HAS HE ARRANGED A CAR?
193
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,124
THERE IS
NO PETROL, MAMA.
194
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:31,630
OH, BUT I AM SURE
MONSIEUR ALFONSE WILL TAKE YOU IN HIS HEARSE.
195
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,132
HEARSE?
196
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,636
OVER MY DEAD BODY.
197
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,645
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS OUTSIDE.
198
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,647
HE'S IN A STEAMING RAGE.
199
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,649
KEEP CALM,
EVERYBODY.
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00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,652
KEEP CALM.
REMEMBER, WE KNOW NOTHING.
201
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( shouts )
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
202
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,158
( shouts )
IN A STEAMING RAGE!
203
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,662
- HEIL HITLER!
- HEIL NOTHING!
204
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,164
WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON
IN MY ABSENCE?
205
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,666
I TURN MY BACK
FOR 24 HOURS
206
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,669
AND YOU ALLOW
THE RESISTANCE TO CAPTURE
207
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,671
HIGH-RANKING OFFICERS
FROM BERLIN!
208
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:16,676
AND, WEARING THEIR UNIFORMS,
THESE TERRORISTS THEN INFILTRATE MY CHATEAU
209
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,179
AND SPIRIT THE AIRMEN AWAY!
WHO WAS THE DUTY OFFICER?
210
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,181
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI.
211
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:25,684
YOU!
YOU ARE THE SNITCH!
212
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,187
WHEN MY FIELD MARSHALL HAS
SPOKEN TO HIS FIELD MARSHALL
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00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,189
HE WILL BE
LIEUTENANT BERTORELLI.
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00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,691
AND WHY WAS
THIS CHICKEN-FEATHERED WOP
215
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,194
NOT ATTENDING
TO HIS DUTIES CORRECTLY?
216
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:36,695
HE WAS CANOODLING...
217
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,699
WITH LANCE CORPORAL
HELGA GEERHEART.
218
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,202
PRIVATE HELGA GEERHEART.
219
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:48,207
FOR THIS, THE WHOLE TOWN
WILL BE TAUGHT A LESSON.
220
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,709
YOU WILL PLACE CHARGES
OF HIGH EXPLOSIVES
221
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,712
IN KEY POSITIONS
IN THE TOWN.
222
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,715
IF THE AIRMEN ARE
NOT RETURNED IN 48 HOURS,
223
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,718
I PERSONALLY
WILL DEPRESS THE PLUNGER
224
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,220
AND NOUVION
WILL BE NO MORE.
225
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,222
LET POSTERS
BE PLACED TO THIS EFFECT.
226
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:07,726
- LET IT BE DONE!
- DO WE PLACE EXPLOSIVES IN THE CHATEAU?
227
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,229
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!
I LIVE THERE!
228
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:14,233
( sobs )
229
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,735
- RENE?
- MMM?
230
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,738
SHE HAS TAKEN
THE GIN AND THE SOUP,
231
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,740
BUT SHE IS NOT WELL.
232
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,743
THE DOCTOR HAS DIAGNOSED
THE COLLYWOBBLES.
233
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,245
HE HAS ADVISED HER
AGAINST GOING INTO A DRAFTY CHURCH.
234
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,248
I WISH HE HAD SAID
THE SAME THING TO ME.
235
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,251
- ( bell dings )
- GOOD MOANING.
236
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,254
GOOD "MOANING."
237
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,759
HAVE YOU
HOD THE NOSE?
238
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,261
WHAT NOSE?
239
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:45,764
THE GERMANS HAVE
PUT UP THESE PISTERS.
240
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,771
THEY ARE PLACING MOANS
ALL OVER THE TOWN.
241
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:56,275
- "MOANS"?
- HE MEANS "MINES."
242
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,277
IF THE EARMAN
ARE NOT RETURNED,
243
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,779
THEN THE WHOLE OF NOUVION
WILL GO OFF WITH A BONG.
244
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,282
THEY WOULD NOT
DO THAT.
245
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,784
THAT SETTLES IT.
WE HAND THE AIRMEN BACK TO THE GERMANS.
246
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:09,288
- YOU WOULD NOT DEE THIS.
- ARE YOU A MIN OR A MOOSE?
247
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:14,293
SHE MEANS
"A MAN OR A MOUSE."
248
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,795
ALL THE SAME,
THE SOONER THEY GET TO ENGLAND, THE BETTER.
249
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,800
THE FEARCAST FOR THE WITHER
IS GID FOR THE NEXT THREE DOOS.
250
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,802
DOES THIS MEAN
THAT THEY CAN GO?
251
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,804
THE WOND
IS IN OUR FEAVER.
252
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,806
WE WILL SEND
A MASSAGE.
253
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,309
YOU CANNOT USE THE RADIO,
IT IS BEING INTERCEPTED.
254
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,311
I KNEE THAT.
255
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,313
THE MASSAGE
WILL GO BY PODGEON.
256
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,319
"PODGEON"?
257
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,321
A HOMING PODGEON.
258
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,825
- WITH FITHERS.
- AH.
259
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,828
IT WILL BE RELEASED
FROM THE WONDOW OF YOUR MOTHER-IN-LOO.
260
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,330
WELL, WE DO NOT
HAVE A PODGEON.
261
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,835
MY ASSISTANT URGENT GRACE
WILL BRONG IT.
262
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,839
- URGENT GRACE?
- THAT IS HIS BIT OF CRIMPET.
263
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,842
- ( bell dings )
- HERE SHE IS NOO.
264
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,844
GOOD MOANING.
265
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,847
- I WILL SPOOK TO HER.
- WELL, SIT DOWN THERE
266
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,850
AND KEEP
OUT OF SIGHT.
267
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:15,854
SORRY I AM LOOT.
I HAD TO POWDER MY KNEES.
268
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,358
- WHERE IS THE PODGEON?
- UNDER MY HUT.
269
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,360
( pigeon cooing )
270
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,370
WELL, HE SEEMS
TO BE RARING TO GO.
271
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,505
RENE, THE COLONEL
IS OUTSIDE!
272
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:35,507
MY GOD.
KEEP THAT THING STILL, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!
273
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:41,012
IT SOUNDS AS IF
IT IS LAYING AN OGG.
274
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,515
AH! COLONEL,
COME IN, SIT DOWN.
275
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:48,019
DRINKS FOR THE COLONEL,
THE CAPTAIN, THE LIEUTENANT AND THE LANCE CORPORAL!
276
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:51,023
- THE PRIVATE.
- PRIVATE.
277
00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:54,026
RENE, WE HAVE
BAD NEWS FOR YOU.
278
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:56,528
I HAVE HEARD
ABOUT THE EXPLOSIVES. THAT IS TERRIBLE NEWS!
279
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:58,530
WHAT IS WORSE, RENE,
280
00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:02,534
100 LBS OF IT IS
GOING TO BE IN A SEWER UNDER YOUR CAFE.
281
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:04,536
- OH NO.
- IF YOU'VE GOT-A THE AIRMEN,
282
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:06,037
YOU'D BETTER
GIVE-A THEM UP.
283
00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:09,541
WE ARE PROUD FRENCHMEN.
WE DO NOT GIVE IN TO THREATS.
284
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:12,043
BUT EDITH,
100 LBS OF EXPLOSIVES
285
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:14,546
- UNDER THE CAFE. I MEAN--
- HE HAS NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE.
286
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:17,048
RENE, I IMPLORE YOU.
287
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:19,051
IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING,
LET ME KNOW.
288
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:22,054
THE LAST THING WE WANT
TO DO IS BLOW YOU UP.
289
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:24,056
IT WOULD MAKE US
VERY UNPOPULAR.
290
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:28,060
- THINK ABOUT IT, RENE.
- I AM THINKING ABOUT IT, LIEUTENANT.
291
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:31,563
MARROWS! MARROWS!
292
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:35,066
PRIZE ALGERIAN MARROWS!
293
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:38,070
OH MY GOD.
294
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:42,074
WHO WILL BUY
MARROWS FROM A PRIZE ALGERIAN MARROW SELLER?
295
00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:45,077
COME OVER TO THE BAR,
ALGERIAN MARROW SALESMAN.
296
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:47,079
COME AND SHOW ME YOUR--
297
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,581
COME ALONG.
COME OVER HERE.
298
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:53,585
- MARROWS! ALGERIAN MARROWS!
- SHUT UP. SHUT UP!
299
00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:56,087
IT IS ME, ERNEST...
300
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:57,589
IN DISGUISE.
301
00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,091
YES, WEARING IMPENETRABLE
BOOT POLISH I SEE.
302
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,094
THESE ARE
CYLINDERS OF HELIUM.
303
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,596
GOOD, GIVE THEM TO ME.
304
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:06,598
( grunts )
305
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:08,600
THEY'RE UNDER
HIGH PRESSURE.
306
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,602
YES, SO AM I.
307
00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:15,607
- THIS ONE IS LEAKING.
- ( flatulence )
308
00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:17,609
I BEG YOUR PIDDON.
309
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:22,114
- DO NOT INHALE THE GAS.
- NO, I WILL DO MY BEST.
310
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,616
NOW YOU GIVE IT TO ME
BEFORE WE GET US ALL SHOT.
311
00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:27,118
THE GAS AFFECTS
THE VOICE, SEE?
312
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:28,620
( flatulence )
313
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:31,122
( high-pitched )
IT TIGHTENS THE VOCAL CORDS.
314
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:37,129
YES, WELL, THANK YOU,
ALGERIAN MARROW SELLER.
315
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:40,132
- BE ON YOUR WAY.
- ( high-pitched ) ALGERIAN MARROWS!
316
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:43,135
WHO WOULD LIKE
TO BUY ALGERIAN MARROWS?
317
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:49,141
ADIEU, OLD
ALGERIAN EUNUCH.
318
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:52,644
COME AGAIN WHEN YOU HAVE
MORE PRIZE MARROWS.
319
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:56,147
- RENE, MORE WINE.
- YES, COLONEL.
320
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:58,150
I WILL GET IT.
321
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,153
RENE...
322
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:07,659
RENE, REST ASSURED
THAT IF WE ARE GOING TO BLOW UP YOUR CAFE,
323
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,661
I WILL GIVE YOU
ALL THE WARNING THAT I CAN.
324
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,663
OH, THANK YOU,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
325
00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:14,666
YOU LOOK VERY PALE, RENE.
326
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:18,169
OH, WELL, THE STRAIN HAS
PLAYED HAVOC WITH MY NERVES.
327
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,172
( flatulence )
328
00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:28,180
EXCUSE ME.
329
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,684
UNDERSTANDABLE,
I SUPPOSE.
330
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:34,686
SHALL I TAKE THE WINE?
331
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,688
( high-pitched )
NO, THAT IS ALL RIGHT,
332
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:40,692
I WILL DELIVER IT...
TO THE TABLE PERSONALLY.
333
00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:46,197
HERE IS THE POSTER,
HERR FLICK.
334
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,700
IT COULD OF COURSE
BE AN IDLE THREAT.
335
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:51,703
DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF THEY CARRY IT OUT?
336
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:53,705
THERE WILL BE
NO NOUVION.
337
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:55,707
WE SHALL HAVE TO MOVE
TO ANOTHER TOWN.
338
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,709
I HAVE MADE
MANY ENEMIES HERE.
339
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:01,212
IT WOULD TAKE MONTHS
TO MAKE AS MANY ENEMIES IN A STRANGE TOWN.
340
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:04,216
WE MUST NOT ALLOW
THIS BLOWING UP TO HAPPEN.
341
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:07,219
THE GENERAL IS
GOING TO PERSONALLY PRESS THE PLUNGER...
342
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:09,221
FROM A SAFE DISTANCE.
343
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:11,723
FIND OUT THE POSITION
OF THE EXPLOSIVES
344
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:14,225
AND SEE IF WE
CAN DEFUSE THEM.
345
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,728
THAT WILL BE
VERY DANGEROUS WORK, HERR FLICK.
346
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:19,731
I HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE
THAT YOU WILL SUCCEED, VON SMALLHAUSEN.
347
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:25,737
HERE IS THE GESTAPO
DEFUSING-EXPLOSIVES HANDBOOK.
348
00:18:25,737 --> 00:18:29,741
IT IS BY THE LATE
PROFESSOR VON FLATTENHEAD,
349
00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:32,744
WHO, AS YOU WILL KNOW,
IS BURIED IN MUNICH...
350
00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:34,746
AND HAMBURG AND BREMEN.
351
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:38,249
- BONE UP ON IT.
- YES, HERR FLICK.
352
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:49,561
OH, RENE, MADAME EDITH
HAS EXCELLED HERSELF.
353
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:51,563
THE FOOD IS MAGNIFICENT!
354
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:53,565
YES, WELL,
I WILL NOT BE HAPPY UNTIL THOSE AIRMEN ARE
355
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,567
BACK SAFELY IN THE HANDS
OF THE GERMANS.
356
00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:57,569
THEY ARE GOING
BACK TO ENGLAND AND THAT IS FINAL.
357
00:18:57,569 --> 00:19:00,572
THE BALLOON IS OUTSOD.
358
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:03,575
THEN FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,
BRING IT IN HERE.
359
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,079
- MOVE THAT TABLE BACK.
- ALL RIGHT.
360
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:10,082
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
GET ON THAT CORNER.
361
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,584
- HELP HIM.
- OKAY, RENE. UP.
362
00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,086
- WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?
- HERE.
363
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:18,090
OH! MY FOOT!
364
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:21,593
YOU HAVE CRACKED IT!
AH! I CANNOT PUT IT DOWN.
365
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:24,095
YVETTE, SIT HIM DOWN.
SOMEBODY. GO ON, OVER THERE.
366
00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,599
BRONG IT IN HOOR.
367
00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:30,101
WHERE SHALL WE PIT IT?
368
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,603
BEHIND THE TABLE.
369
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:38,610
I HAVE THE WEATHER FEARCAST.
IT IS GID.
370
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:41,613
THEN WE WILL
WRITE A MASSAGE AND SEND IT BY PODGEON.
371
00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:44,616
I WILL WRITE IT
AND TIE IT TO HIS LOG.
372
00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,621
( pigeon cooing )
373
00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:53,625
KEEP IT UNDER THE HUT
UNTIL YOUR ARE RODDY.
374
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:57,128
( British accent )
"EXPECT THE AIRMEN TO ARRIVE OVER DOVER AT--"
375
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,131
( flapping )
376
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:08,139
IT IS VERY KEEN
TO GET TO ENGLAND.
377
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,642
IT COULD NOT EVEN WAIT
FOR THE MESSAGE.
378
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,149
RENE.
379
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,651
MY MOTHER HAS TAKEN
A TURN FOR THE WORSE.
380
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:22,654
- SHE CANNOT
GET OUT OF BED! - SHE MUST.
381
00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:26,157
SHE IS OUR ONLY EXCUSE
FOR GATHERING HERE TO RELEASE THE BALLOON.
382
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:30,162
IF THERE IS TO BE NO WEDDING,
THEN I WILL HAVE TO CANCEL THE WHOLE OPERATION.
383
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,664
- GOOD IDEA.
- I CANNOT WALK DOWN THE AISLE.
384
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:35,166
MY FOOT IS SWOLLEN
LIKE A POTATO.
385
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,669
YOU WILL HAVE
TO HUBBLE ON ONE LOG.
386
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,673
UNDERSTAND THIS:
IF THEY CANNOT MARRY,
387
00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:43,675
THEN YOU AND EDITH
WILL HAVE TO GET MARRIED.
388
00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:46,678
WHATEVER HAPPENS,
EVERYTHING MUST TAKE PLACE.
389
00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:49,681
DEAR EDITH,
MUCH AS I LOVE YOU,
390
00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:52,183
THE FIRST PLANS
ARE ALWAYS THE BEST.
391
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,686
THEY WILL BE THERE.
WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?
392
00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:58,690
THEY ARE DISGUISED
SO THAT THEY WILL MERGE INTO THE BACKGROUND.
393
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:03,195
( British accent )
IN HERE, CHAPS.
394
00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:07,198
HALLO.
395
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:12,704
- HOW ABOUT A KISS
FOR THE BRIDESMAIDS? - DON'T BE CHEEKY.
396
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,711
( organ music playing )
397
00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:30,221
- THANK GOODNESS YOU ARE HERE.
- WE HAD TO WALK ACROSS THE FIELDS.
398
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:39,731
OH, LOOK AT
THOSE TWO IDIOTS.
399
00:21:41,733 --> 00:21:44,235
PUT YOUR VEILS DOWN.
400
00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:46,738
- AND LIFT UP YOUR BOSOMS.
- HANDS OFF!
401
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:50,241
QUITE RIGHT.
GIVE THE FROGGIES AN INCH, THEY TAKE A YARD.
402
00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:57,248
- WHERE IS LECLERC?
- HE'S DOWN THERE.
403
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,251
Edith:
OH. HOW IS HIS FOOT?
404
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:01,753
OH, MICHELLE HAS GIVEN HIM
PAINKILLERS AND BRANDY.
405
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:03,755
HE IS BEARING UP.
406
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:05,757
HE LOOKS AS IF
HE IS PASSING OUT.
407
00:22:09,761 --> 00:22:10,762
OH, HECK.
408
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:20,272
- COME ON, WAKE UP.
- MARROWS. MARROWS.
409
00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:22,274
- WHO WILL BUY MY MARROWS?
- SHUT UP, SHUT UP.
410
00:22:22,274 --> 00:22:24,276
SHUT UP!
411
00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:26,778
NOW WAKE UP.
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR GREAT DAY.
412
00:22:26,778 --> 00:22:30,281
I CANNOT STAND UP
WITHOUT HOLDING ONTO A CRUTCH.
413
00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:33,785
IT WOULD BE BETTER
IF YOU HELD ONTO MY ARM.
414
00:22:33,785 --> 00:22:35,286
( grunting )
415
00:22:41,793 --> 00:22:43,795
( chattering )
416
00:22:52,804 --> 00:22:54,472
MONSIEUR HUGO.
417
00:22:55,974 --> 00:22:58,476
AH. MONSIEUR SARTRE.
418
00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:02,981
OH. COLONEL, CAPTAIN,
LIEUTENANT, HELGA.
419
00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:06,484
HOW NICE OF YOU TO COME.
WE DID NOT EXPECT YOU.
420
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:10,989
WE COULD NOT LET
YOUR MOTHER MARRY WITHOUT PAYING OUR RESPECTS.
421
00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:12,991
AND WE CHECK-A WHERE
TO PUT-A THE BOMB.
422
00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:17,496
HOW WELL THE CLOTHES
OF THE BEST MAN
423
00:23:17,496 --> 00:23:19,998
SUIT MONSIEUR RENE.
424
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:24,002
YOU CUT QUITE
A DASHING FIGURE, RENE.
425
00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:26,504
THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT.
426
00:23:26,505 --> 00:23:30,008
DO WE COUNT YOU
AS A FRIEND OF THE BRIDE OR A FRIEND OF THE GROOM?
427
00:23:30,008 --> 00:23:33,011
HOW ABOUT A FRIEND
OF THE BEST MAN?
428
00:23:45,524 --> 00:23:49,027
- IS THE BRIDE HERE YET?
- WELL, YOU WILL HAVE TO FORGIVE HER,
429
00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:52,030
SHE IS WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL
"KNOCKING ON A BIT."
430
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:54,532
RENE, IT IS
MONSIEUR ALFONSE.
431
00:23:57,536 --> 00:24:01,540
MADAME EDITH, YOUR MOTHER
IS OUTSIDE IN THE HEARSE.
432
00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:05,543
AM I MARRYING
OR BURYING?
433
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:10,549
PSST! LOOK.
434
00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:13,552
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
HE HAS DROPPED OFF AGAIN.
435
00:24:13,552 --> 00:24:16,555
OH HECK.
EDITH, LEND ME YOUR SMELLING SALTS.
436
00:24:17,556 --> 00:24:19,558
IT IS A WEDDING, FATHER,
COME WITH ME.
437
00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:29,067
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
MONSIEUR LECLERC, WAKE UP.
438
00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:33,071
UGH! MARROWS.
MARROWS.
439
00:24:33,071 --> 00:24:35,073
SHUT UP.
STAND UP.
440
00:24:36,575 --> 00:24:38,577
YOUR BRIDE IS HERE.
441
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,082
NOT AGAIN.
442
00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:52,090
( "The Wedding March"
playing )
443
00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:29,127
DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE
GATHERED TOGETHER TO JOIN
444
00:25:29,127 --> 00:25:32,130
THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN
IN HOLY MATRIMONY.
445
00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:36,134
NOT YET, MONSIEUR.
446
00:25:36,134 --> 00:25:38,636
I'VE YET TO DO PAGES
OF THE STUFF.
447
00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:44,142
HE CANNOT STAND.
448
00:25:54,152 --> 00:25:57,155
I AM PUTTING
THE MASSAGE ON THE LOG.
449
00:25:59,157 --> 00:26:02,160
THE MASSAGE IS
NOW TIED TO THE LOG.
450
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,661
YOU CAN LUNCH IT.
451
00:26:03,662 --> 00:26:07,165
ONE, TWO, THROO...
452
00:26:15,173 --> 00:26:18,176
IT HAS CRIPPED
ON YOUR HOD.
453
00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:27,185
DO YOU,
ERNEST DIPSTICK LECLERC,
454
00:26:27,185 --> 00:26:30,688
TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE
YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE?
455
00:26:30,689 --> 00:26:32,691
( snores )
456
00:26:32,691 --> 00:26:34,693
HE DOES.
457
00:26:36,194 --> 00:26:40,198
DO YOU, FANNY
NOW-YOU-SEE-IT, NOW-YOU-DO-NOT LAFANNE,
458
00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:44,702
TAKE THIS MAN
TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND?
459
00:26:44,703 --> 00:26:46,705
( snores )
460
00:26:46,705 --> 00:26:49,207
SHE DOES AS WELL.
461
00:26:49,207 --> 00:26:53,211
THEN I PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
462
00:26:55,213 --> 00:26:57,215
NOW YOU CAN
GET INTO BED.
463
00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:00,719
( "Bridal Chorus"
playing )
464
00:27:10,729 --> 00:27:13,231
WAKE UP, MAMA!
465
00:27:13,231 --> 00:27:17,235
- WHAT?
- YOU ARE NOW MAN AND WIFE.
466
00:27:17,235 --> 00:27:21,239
- HE HAS DONE IT.
- WHEN?
467
00:27:21,239 --> 00:27:23,241
WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP.
468
00:27:23,241 --> 00:27:26,244
( chuckling )
469
00:27:26,244 --> 00:27:28,746
THAT IS ERNEST ALL OVER.
470
00:27:28,747 --> 00:27:32,250
ALWAYS THE IMPATIENT ONE.
471
00:27:52,771 --> 00:27:55,273
( theme music playing )