1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:04,570 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:25,091 YOU WILL HAVE GREAT DIFFICULTY IN BELIEVING WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. 3 00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:29,095 MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE PERSUADED US ALL TO POSE AS UNDERTAKERS. 4 00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,097 THIS WAS DONE IN ORDER TO GET INTO THE CHATEAU 5 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:34,600 TO RESCUE THE BRITISH AIRMEN WHO WERE BEING HELD THERE AS PRISONERS. 6 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,604 NEED I TELL YOU THAT A SERIES OF DISASTERS 7 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:41,608 RESULTED IN THE PLAN GOING OFF AT HALF COCK, 8 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:45,111 OR TO BE MORE EXACT NO COCK AT ALL? 9 00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:49,115 THAT IDIOT CRABTREE DROPPED AN OAK COFFIN DOWN A STONE STAIRCASE. 10 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:52,618 MONSIEUR LECLERC INSULTED MONSIEUR ALFONSE, THE UNDERTAKER, 11 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:56,122 WHICH RESULTED IN THEM FIGHTING UPSTAIRS AND DOWNSTAIRS WITH SWORDS 12 00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,124 LIKE A COUPLE OF 80-YEAR-OLD ERROL FLYNNS. 13 00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:02,628 EVENTUALLY THE GUARD WAS CALLED OUT AND WE WERE LUCKY TO ESCAPE WITH OUR LIVES. 14 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:06,633 NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE BRITISH AIRMEN ARE STILL BEING HELD AS PRISONERS. 15 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:10,136 EVEN AS I SPEAK THEY MAY BE ON THEIR WAY TO BERLIN TO BE INTERROGATED. 16 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:13,139 ONLY ONE THING PREVENTS ME FROM LEAVING RIGHT NOW: 17 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:16,142 THERE IS NOT QUITE ENOUGH MONEY IN THE TILL. 18 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:19,645 BY TONIGHT I WILL BE OFF. 19 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,649 ( register dings ) 20 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,151 EDITH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 21 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,654 LAST NIGHT WAS THE BIGGEST NOSE-UP I HAVE EVER WITNESSED. 22 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:32,158 TONIGHT I AM OFF TO THE HOUSE OF MY COUSIN IN ARMENTIERES. 23 00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:36,662 SHE HAS KENNELS. WITH A BIT OF LUCK I CAN HIDE IN ONE UNTIL THE WAR IS OVER. 24 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,165 OH, I SEE. YOU ARE LEAVING ME TO FACE THE MUSIC, HUH? 25 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:42,168 OH, IT IS NOT THAT, RENE. 26 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:44,670 MY COOKING HAS MADE YOU TOO BIG TO GO INTO A KENNEL. 27 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:50,677 - RENE, YOU HAVE A VISITOR IN THE BACKROOM. - OH, NOT MICHELLE AGAIN. 28 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:54,180 - NO, IT IS LIEUTENANT GRUBER. - OH, THAT IS WORSE. 29 00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:58,184 - WHERE IS HE? - HE WAS AFRAID OF BEING SEEN 30 00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:00,186 SO I'VE HIDDEN HIM IN THE CLOTHES CLOSET. 31 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:02,688 HUH. LOOK AFTER THE BAR. 32 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,695 YOU CAN COME OUT OF THE CLOSET NOW, LIEUTENANT. 33 00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:15,701 RENE, YOU HAD A VERY NARROW SQUEAK LAST NIGHT. 34 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,705 IT TOOK ALL THE GUILE THAT I POSSESS TO PREVENT THE GENERAL 35 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:21,207 FROM COMING DOWNSTAIRS TO INVESTIGATE THE COMMOTION. 36 00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,709 AH, WELL, ABOUT THE NOISE, I UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED WAS-- 37 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:28,214 RENE, TELL ME NOTHING. IT IS BETTER THAT I REMAIN IN COMPLETE IGNORANCE. 38 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:34,720 YOU WERE SAVED BY THE ARRIVAL OF HERR FLICK AND VON SMALLHAUSEN, 39 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:38,224 WHO HAD DISGUISED THEMSELVES AS ARMY OFFICERS IN AN ATTEMPT 40 00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:42,228 TO ABDUCT THE BRITISH AIRMEN, SO THAT THE GESTAPO COULD QUESTION THEM. 41 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,730 WELL, IF I HAD BEEN THERE, WHICH OF COURSE I WAS NOT, 42 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,733 I WOULD INDEED HAVE HAD A NARROW SQUEAK. 43 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:50,236 OF COURSE. 44 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:57,744 FATE IS FORTUNATELY ON OUR SIDE. 45 00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:02,749 THE OFFICERS WHO ARE TO COLLECT THE AIRMEN ARE NOT ARRIVING FROM BERLIN UNTIL TOMORROW. 46 00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,752 THE GENERAL WILL BE IN CALAIS VISITING BIG BERTHA. 47 00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:08,755 IS THAT HIS BIT OF STUFF? 48 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:13,259 NO, IT IS A VERY BIG GUN WE HAVE INSTALLED TO SHELL THE BRITISH IN DOVER. 49 00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:17,263 THIS WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT TIME IF THE RESISTANCE, 50 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,765 WHO YOU DO NOT KNOW, 51 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,768 WERE TO RESCUE THE AIRMEN BEFORE THEY TALK 52 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:25,271 AND DROP US ALL IN THE YOU-KNOW-WHAT. 53 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:30,276 I WILL PASS THE MESSAGE TO THE RESISTANCE, WHO I DO KNOW KNOW. 54 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,778 UH... ( clears throat) 55 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:36,282 TELL THE PEOPLE WHO YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT TOMORROW LUNCHTIME 56 00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:39,785 WOULD BE A VERY GOOD TIME FOR ME NOT TO SEE THEM. 57 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:51,197 YES, GENERAL, WE WILL ATTEND TO IT. 58 00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:53,699 WE WILL SEE TO IT THAT THOSE GESTAPO DEVILS 59 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,702 GET A REALLY HARD TIME. 60 00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:01,207 THE GENERAL IS SENDING TO US HERR FLICK AND HERR VON SMALLHAUSEN. 61 00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:05,711 THEY WERE ARRESTED LAST NIGHT IMPERSONATING HIGH-RANKING GERMAN OFFICERS. 62 00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:07,714 WHAT WILL BE THEIR FATE, COLONEL? 63 00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:10,717 I WILL SCARE THE PANTS OFF THEM! 64 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,218 SEND THEM IN AS SOON AS THEY ARRIVE. 65 00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:14,220 YES, COLONEL. 66 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:15,721 IN HERE! 67 00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:20,726 DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE. 68 00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,734 HERR FLICK. WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES? 69 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,236 THEY WERE REMOVED BY THE GENERAL'S TROOPS. 70 00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:32,238 GERMAN THUGS. 71 00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:36,742 HOW HUMILIATING. AND THEY HAVE CHAINED YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL. 72 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,746 THEY DO NOT WISH ME TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT. 73 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:42,248 OR IN MY CASE, A FAST LIMP. 74 00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:46,252 HOW TERRIBLE. YOU LOOK EXHAUSTED. 75 00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:49,755 SHALL I HOLD IT FOR YOU? 76 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,257 NO. 77 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:54,260 WOULD YOU CARE TO REST IT ON THE DESK WHILE YOU'RE WAITING? 78 00:04:58,264 --> 00:05:01,267 HELGA, YOU MUST MAKE A PHONE CALL FOR ME 79 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:04,770 TO MY GODFATHER, HEINRICH HIMMLER, TO INFORM HIM OF MY PLIGHT. 80 00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:06,773 OF COURSE. WHAT IS HIS NUMBER? 81 00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,274 BERLIN ONE. 82 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:12,779 I'LL WRITE IT DOWN. 83 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:15,782 HERR FLICK, THE SIGHT OF YOU IN YOUR UNDERWEAR 84 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:20,286 WITH YOUR ANKLES TETHERED IS MOST STIMULATING. 85 00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:21,787 DO YOU WISH ME TO KISS YOU? 86 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:25,291 IT WOULD NOT BE SEEMLY WITHOUT MY HAT. 87 00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:30,796 IN THERE! 88 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:34,300 GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING. 89 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:38,304 WHY DO YOU HAVE A SMALLER ONE THAN ME? 90 00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:42,308 I AM NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOU ARE, HERR FLICK. 91 00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:44,310 THIS IS CORRECT. 92 00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:47,813 AH, HELGA, THE BEAUTIFUL LADY! 93 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,316 I KISS YOUR HAND. 94 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:55,822 WHAT FOR YOU CHAT UP THE GESTAPO IN THEIR UNDIES? 95 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:59,325 THEY ARE UNDER ARREST FOR IMPERSONATING HIGH- RANKING ARMY OFFICERS. 96 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:03,829 I WAS A FIELD MARSHAL. IT WAS A LOVELY UNIFORM. 97 00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,332 I WANTED TO TAKE A PICTURE TO SEND TO MY MOTHER. 98 00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:09,335 BUT THEY STRIPPED ME BEFORE I HAD TIME. 99 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,337 Colonel: HELGA, WHERE ARE THEY? 100 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:15,841 NEVER YOU MIND. YOU SEND YOUR MAMA THE PICTURE OF YOU IN THE PRISON CLOTHES, 101 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,343 WITH THE LITTLE ARROWS. 102 00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:19,845 HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO 103 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:23,349 AND VON SMALLHAUSEN ALSO OF THE GESTAPO! 104 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:25,851 - SEND THEM IN! - HOBBLE IN HERE! 105 00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:30,356 THIS IS EXCEEDINGLY HEAVY. 106 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:33,359 PUT THE BALL AT YOUR FEET AND DRIBBLE. 107 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:47,874 MY MY MY. 108 00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:50,376 HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN. 109 00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:53,879 I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT IMPERSONATING GERMAN OFFICERS 110 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,383 CARRIES WITH IT SEVERE PENALTIES. 111 00:06:57,383 --> 00:07:01,387 THE HIGHER THE RANK, THE GREATER THE PENALTY. 112 00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,889 NOW, FOR IMPERSONATING A CAPTAIN 113 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:08,895 THE SENTENCE IS 10 YEARS IN A LABOR CAMP. 114 00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:11,397 FOR IMPERSONATING A FIELD MARSHAL, 115 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:15,901 A MINIMUM OF 20 YEARS IN A LABOR CAMP. 116 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:20,406 PLEASE, PLEASE, I COULD NOT DO 20 YEARS. 117 00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:23,409 WELL, YOU DO AS MANY AS YOU CAN. 118 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,912 HE MADE ME DO IT. I AM WEAK-WILLED. 119 00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,415 ( whimpering ) I AM EASILY LED. 120 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:32,418 DO NOT SQUIRM BEFORE THEM, VON SMALLHAUSEN. 121 00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,420 YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR TUNE 122 00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:37,923 WHEN THIS COMES TO THE EARS OF MY GODFATHER, HEINRICH HIMMLER. 123 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,926 ( smirks ) HE WILL NEVER HEAR OF IT. 124 00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:44,931 YOU WILL BE ANOTHER NUMBER ON THE HANDLE OF A PICKAX. 125 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,433 ( phone rings ) 126 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:50,436 YES? 127 00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,938 YES, HERR HIMMLER! 128 00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:55,942 OH, YES. YES THEY'RE HERE. 129 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:59,946 WE'RE JUST MAKING THEM A CUP OF TEA. 130 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:04,450 YES, THAT'S RIGHT, HERR HIMMLER. MY WIFE DOES LIVE IN THE BLACK FOREST. 131 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:07,953 THAT'S IT. JUST DOWN THE ROAD FROM MY GATEAU FACTORY. 132 00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:10,957 YES. 133 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,960 OF COURSE WE'RE INSURED AGAINST FIRE. 134 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,963 NO, WE'RE NOT INSURED AGAINST SHELLFIRE. 135 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:20,966 I WILL RELEASE THEM AT ONCE. 136 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:24,470 IT WAS THE FAULT OF AN ITALIAN OFFICER. 137 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:29,475 HE'S HERE. WOULD YOU CARE TO SPEAK TO HIM? FOR YOU! 138 00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:31,477 - IS HIMMLER? - IN PERSON. 139 00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:33,479 UM, UH... 140 00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:37,983 THIS, UH, CAPTAIN, UH, MANZONI PEPPERONI AT YOUR SERVICE. 141 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,486 HEY, THERE IS NO NEED THAT YOU SHOUT! 142 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:43,489 WE LET THEM GO. I DRIVE THEM IN MY CAR, PERSONAL. 143 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:46,492 ON THE WAY WE GET THE HACKSAW. 144 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,994 WHAT FOR? TO CUT OFF THE BALLS. 145 00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:53,999 HE'S HUNG UP. 146 00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:59,338 ( murmuring ) 147 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:02,341 ( bell dings ) 148 00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:07,346 YVETTE, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SERVING. 149 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:10,349 WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE UNIFORM OF NOUVION GRAMMAR SCHOOL? 150 00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,351 SHH! 151 00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:16,355 HERE IS A GOWN, A MORTARBOARD AND A CANE. 152 00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:19,358 NO, I CANNOT GO UPSTAIRS WITH YOU NOW. WE ARE OPEN. 153 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,363 NO, THESE CLOTHES ARE SO THAT WE CAN 154 00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:26,365 RUN AWAY TOGETHER AND FIND HAPPINESS. 155 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:28,367 WE CANNOT LEAVE THE AREA WITHOUT A PASS. 156 00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:32,371 WE CAN SAY THAT THAT YOU ARE MY HEADMASTER AND THAT WE ARE ON A NATURE RAMBLE. 157 00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:35,874 NO, I CANNOT LET YOU TAKE THE RISK, YVETTE, 158 00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:39,879 BUT HANG ON TO THE OUTFIT, HUH? 159 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:43,382 ( bell dings ) GOOD MOANING. 160 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:46,385 GOOD MOANING. 161 00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,887 ARE YOU ALOON? 162 00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,890 YOU CAN SEE I AM NOT ALOON. 163 00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,392 BUT THERE ARE NO NITZIS IN YOUR COFFEE. 164 00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:57,896 NO, WE HAD AN HEALTH INSPECTOR IN ONLY LAST WEEK. 165 00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:59,899 HE MEANS "NAZIS IN THE CAFE." 166 00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,902 ( sighs ) HIS FRENCH IS GETTING WORSE. 167 00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:06,405 AS THERE ARE NO NITZIS, I WILL GIVE A SECRET SOGNAL. 168 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,911 THAT WAS NOT VERY SECRET. 169 00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,913 WAIT AND SOO. 170 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:16,916 ( dings ) 171 00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:19,919 ( blows whistle ) 172 00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:24,924 ( footsteps ) 173 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:28,427 I HOPE THAT WAS A COINCIDENCE. 174 00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:30,929 THE CURST IS CLEAR. 175 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,935 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, I SHALL WHISPER THIS ONLY ONCE: 176 00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:38,938 COME OVER HERE. 177 00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,943 THERE ARE GERMANS EVERYWHERE. 178 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:47,446 I KNOW THAT. THAT IS WHY THEY CALL IT OCCUPIED FRANCE. 179 00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,449 WHISPER QUICKLY AND GO. 180 00:10:50,449 --> 00:10:52,951 WE HAVE INFORMATION THAT THE TWO GERMAN OFFICERS 181 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:56,956 WHO ARE COMING TO COLLECT THE BRITISH AIRMEN WILL BE ARRIVING BY CAR. 182 00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,457 WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS? 183 00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:02,461 WE HAVE ARRANGED TO HIJACK THE CAR AND STEAL THE UNIFORMS. 184 00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:06,465 TWO OF OUR GROUP WILL THEN WEAR THESE UNIFORMS AND COLLECT THE BRITISH AIRMEN. 185 00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:10,469 THE WILL MARCH THEM OUT OF THE CHITEAU... 186 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:14,473 UNDER THE VERY NEESES OF THE NITZIS. 187 00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:18,477 AND WHO ARE THE BRAVE IDIOTS WHO WILL DO ALL THIS? 188 00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:21,980 WE DO NOT YET KNOW. IT DEPENDS ON WHO THE UNIFORMS FIT. 189 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,984 WE CAN CALL ON 40 MEMBERS OF THE RESISTANCE. 190 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,987 YOUR CHANCES ARE FARTY TO WIN. 191 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:35,494 OUR PROBLEM IS THIS, COLONEL: 192 00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:38,497 IF THE AIRMEN ARE INTERROGATED IN BERLIN 193 00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:41,500 THEY MAY IMPLICATE RENE FROM THE CAFE. 194 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:45,003 HE IN TURN MAY REVEAL THAT HE HAS BEEN HIDING FOR US 195 00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:47,006 A PORTRAIT OF THE FALLEN MADONNA-- 196 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,508 - WITH THE BIG BOOBIES-- - BY VAN CLOMP. 197 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:52,511 THAT DAMNED PAINTING. IS IT WORTH IT? 198 00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:56,014 EVERY DAY IT INCREASES IN VALUE. 199 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:59,018 HE MAY ALSO REVEAL THAT YOUR UNIFORM WAS ONCE USED TO HELP AIRMEN 200 00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:01,520 TO ESCAPE IN ORDER TO KEEP RENE'S MOUTH SHUT. 201 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:06,024 IF A RESCUE ATTEMPT SHOULD OCCUR DURING THE ABSENCE OF THE GENERAL 202 00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:10,029 IT WOULD BE IN OUR BEST INTERESTS TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY. 203 00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:12,531 WHAT CHANCE IS THERE OF SUCH AN ATTEMPT BEING MADE? 204 00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:17,035 WELL, I GO INTO BARS, PEOPLE DROP THINGS. 205 00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:18,537 NEED I SAY MORE? 206 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:22,040 I WOULD RATHER YOU DID NOT. 207 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,542 ONE THING WORRIES ME-- 208 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:26,044 IT'S THAT DAMNED INQUISITIVE WOP. 209 00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:30,049 YES, CAPTAIN BERTORELLI, I HAVE GIVEN THOUGHT TO THIS MATTER. 210 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:33,052 COULD NOT HELGA DISTRACT HIM? 211 00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,053 HOW? 212 00:12:34,053 --> 00:12:36,555 WELL, BY INVITING HIM TO LUNCH 213 00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:39,558 AT YOUR LUXURIOUS QUARTERS IN THE CHATEAU-- 214 00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:41,059 TEMPORARILY PROVIDED BY THE GENERAL. 215 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:43,062 CERTAINLY NOT. 216 00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:46,565 HELGA, IF YOU DO NOT USE THESE QUARTERS TO HELP US, 217 00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,066 WE WILL SEE THAT THEY'RE TAKEN FROM YOU! 218 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:51,570 WE WILL TELL THE GENERAL THAT IN HIS ABSENCE 219 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:53,071 THERE HAVE BEEN MORE SOLDIERS 220 00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:56,575 MARCHING IN AND OUT OF YOUR DOOR THAN THE BRANDENBURG GATE. 221 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:59,077 - YOU WOULDN'T! - I WOULD. 222 00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,080 HE WOULD. 223 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:11,089 IT IS HARD TO KNOW WHOM TO INVITE TO OUR WEDDING, ERNEST. 224 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:13,592 UH, SO MANY OF OUR FRIENDS 225 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,595 HAVE KICKED THE BUCKET. 226 00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:20,098 - I'VE BEEN MAKING A LIST FOR MY STAG PARTY. - OH. 227 00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:26,605 YOU HAVE WRITTEN ONLY TWO NAMES. 228 00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:30,108 ALL THE REST ARE IN THE NICK. 229 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:34,113 WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE YOUR PARTY IN THE NICK? 230 00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:36,615 ( knock on door ) Edith: CAN I COME IN? 231 00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:41,119 DOWN, ERNEST! 232 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,621 COME IN. 233 00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:46,124 AH, EDITH. 234 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:49,628 YOU HAVE JUST AWOKEN ME 235 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:52,631 FROM A DREAMLESS SLEEP. 236 00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:56,134 MOTHER, I HAVE JUST HAD A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE. 237 00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:59,638 AT LAST, THERE IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO HELP FRANCE. 238 00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:03,141 ( sighs ) LONG LIVE FRANCE. 239 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:06,645 UP WITH MAURICE CHEVALIER! 240 00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:09,648 DOWN WITH MARLENE DIETRICH. 241 00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:13,151 ♪ ARISE THE CHILDREN OF THE MOTHERLAND... ♪ 242 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:17,156 OH, SHUT UP, MAMA... 243 00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:19,658 AND LISTEN TO THE PLAN. 244 00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:22,661 WE HAVE TO CAPTURE A STAFF CAR BELONGING TO THE GERMANS. 245 00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:27,165 OH, THE GERMANS. I HATE THEM. 246 00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:28,167 ( spits ) 247 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:32,171 MAMA, NOT ON THE BEDSPREAD. 248 00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:35,674 NOW LISTEN, WE NEED AN OBSTRUCTION. 249 00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:40,178 YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE THE OBSTRUCTION. 250 00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:42,681 GIVE ME THE TOOLS 251 00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:46,184 AND I WILL DO THE JOB. 252 00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,687 MONSIEUR LECLERC WILL BE PUSHING YOU IN YOUR WHEELCHAIR 253 00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,188 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. 254 00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:53,192 AT A GIVEN SIGNAL THE WHEEL WILL FALL OFF. 255 00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,694 THE STAFF CAR WILL STOP. 256 00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,195 THE RESISTANCE WILL DO THE REST. 257 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,698 ( sighs ) I WILL BE PROUD 258 00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:03,702 TO HAVE MY WHEEL FALL OFF FOR FRANCE! 259 00:15:03,702 --> 00:15:07,205 ( chuckles ) 260 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:10,209 OH, WILL YOU FIND MONSIEUR LECLERC AND TELL HIM? 261 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,711 STRAIGHTAWAY. 262 00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,224 ( birds chirping ) 263 00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:38,237 I CAN SEE THEM COMING OVER THE HILL. 264 00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:40,739 WHEEL THE CHAIR INTO THE ROAD. 265 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,241 I WILL GIVE YOU THE SIGNAL WHEN THE WHEEL IS TO COME OFF. 266 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:46,245 LONG LIVE FRANCE! 267 00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:50,249 ♪ ARISE THE CHILDREN OF OUR MOTHERLAND ♪ 268 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:51,750 ♪ THE HOUR OF FREEDOM-- ♪ 269 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,251 SHUT UP. 270 00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:58,257 OH, MAMA IS SO BRAVE. 271 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:02,761 WHAT IF THE CAR DOES NOT STOP? 272 00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:05,764 YOU WILL BE A VERY OLD ORPHAN. 273 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,766 I WILL RIDDLE THE CAR WITH BULLETS. 274 00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,768 YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING. 275 00:16:09,768 --> 00:16:12,270 WE NEED THOSE UNIFORMS. WE CANNOT HAVE THEM FULL OF HOLES. 276 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,273 - GIVE ME THE GUN. - I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY GUN. 277 00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:16,275 GIVE ME THE GUN. OH! 278 00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:19,277 ( yelling ) 279 00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:21,280 STOP IT, THE PAIR OF YOU. 280 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,783 OH! 281 00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:34,293 ERNEST, WHAT MAKES THE WHEEL COME OFF? 282 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:37,296 I DO NOT KNOW, FANNY. THE RESISTANCE SAY 283 00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:40,299 WHEN I PRESS THE BUTTON IT WILL ALL HAPPEN. 284 00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:49,307 NOW. 285 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:58,817 - THE SIGNAL. NOW! - ( mutters ) 286 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,829 OH MY GOD. 287 00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,831 THE RESISTANCE HAVE EXPLODED MY MOTHER. 288 00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:17,335 IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO GET RID OF HER. 289 00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:21,840 ♪ ARISE THE CHILDREN OF THE MOTHERLAND ♪ 290 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:25,343 ♪ THE HOUR OF FREEDOM'S DRAWING NIGH ♪ 291 00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:30,349 - ( Fanny singing ) - WHAT DID I TELL YOU? 292 00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:33,352 MORE WINE, CAPTAIN ALBERTO? 293 00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:37,356 NO, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO ON DUTY AND INSPECT MY BRAVE SOLDIERS. 294 00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:39,858 JUST A LITTLE ONE FOR THE ROAD. 295 00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,363 THIS A NOT FOR THE ROAD, 296 00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:47,366 THIS A FOR THE AUTOBAHN. 297 00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:50,869 LET-A ME GIVE YOU ONE. 298 00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,871 CAPTAIN, YOU'RE SO NAUGHTY. 299 00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:55,874 JUST ONE LITTLE SIP. 300 00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,376 AND THEN I GO AND INSPECT MY TROOPS. 301 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:01,880 DON'T GO, CAPTAIN. STAY AND TELL ME YOUR ADVENTURES 302 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,882 WHILE I SLIP INTO SOMETHING LOOSER. 303 00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:16,895 ( whimpers ) 304 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:20,899 I THINK TODAY THE TROOPS INSPECT THEMSELVES. 305 00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,873 DO I HAVE TO STAY FOR THIS PANTOMIME? 306 00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,374 GET INTO LINE! 307 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:36,882 NOW, WHOMSOEVER THIS UNIFORM FITS SHALL GO TO THE CHATEAU. 308 00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:39,885 SHE'S EVEN USING THE SAME WORDS. 309 00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,889 TOO SMALL. 310 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:46,891 TOO SMALL. 311 00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:51,396 MUCH TOO SMALL. 312 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:55,900 - IT FITS! - OH, WHAT A SURPRISE. 313 00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:59,905 I SUPPOSE IF I'M NOT BACK BY MIDNIGHT, I WILL TURN INTO A PUMPKIN. 314 00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:02,908 YOU ARE HALFWAY THERE ALREADY. 315 00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,910 ( tango music playing ) 316 00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:09,915 ( glass smashes ) 317 00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:23,929 I LOVE THE TANGO. IT BRING OUT IN ME THE ANIMAL. 318 00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:27,933 - YOU ARE A VERY EXCITING WOP. - ( growls ) 319 00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:31,436 IS THIS WHY YOU WRIGGLE EVERY TIME I HOLD YOU CLOSE? 320 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:35,440 IT IS THE COLD TEMPERATURE OF YOUR MEDALS. 321 00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:51,956 ( knock on door ) WHAT WAS THAT? 322 00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:55,460 I CAME WITH THESE FLOWERS TO THANK YOU FOR CALLING MY GODFATHER. 323 00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,962 I FIND YOU IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER. 324 00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:00,966 WHAT IS WORSE, THE OTHER IS AN ITAI. 325 00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:05,470 HERR FLICK, I CAN EXPLAIN. 326 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,472 NO, I CAN'T. 327 00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:10,975 I CONSIDER OUR ENGAGEMENT, WHICH WAS ON, IS NOW OFF. 328 00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:15,480 I WILL OF COURSE CONFIRM THIS WITH A LETTER ON GESTAPO NOTEPAPER. 329 00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:25,990 ALL IS CLEAR. INTO THE CAR. 330 00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:37,502 - INTO THE CAR! - WHO ARE YOU ORDERING ABOUT? 331 00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:40,004 I AM A MAJOR. YOU ARE A CAPTAIN. 332 00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:42,507 INTO THE CAR. 333 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,022 MY GOD, IS HE DRIVING? 334 00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:01,526 I WAS THE GETAWAY DRIVER 335 00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:05,029 FOR ONE-EYED, ONE-ARMED, ONE-LEGGED JACK MORELL. 336 00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:08,033 WELL, HE COULD HARDLY DRIVE HIMSELF, COULD HE? 337 00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,538 HOLD TIGHT AND DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIGGER. 338 00:21:13,538 --> 00:21:16,541 WHICH ONE IS THE TRIGGER? 339 00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:21,045 ( screams ) 340 00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:29,554 THAT ONE. 341 00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:32,557 FORWARD TO THE CHATEAU! 342 00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:34,058 ( motorcycle starts up ) 343 00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:35,560 FORWARD TO THE CHATEAU! 344 00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:48,072 THAT IS THE WINDOW OF THE CHATEAU IN WHICH THE AIRMEN ARE IMPRISONED. 345 00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:50,075 SEND THEM THE MESSAGE. 346 00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:52,577 ( sighs ) 347 00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:57,081 I THINK THOSE RESISTANCE PEOPLE HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT US. 348 00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:02,587 - IT WOULD APPEAR NOT. - ( chuckles ) 349 00:22:02,587 --> 00:22:06,090 OH, GOOD SHOW. OH, THERE'S A NOTE. 350 00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:08,093 Carst: WHAT DOES IT SAY? 351 00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:11,096 "RESCUE ON WAY. 352 00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:15,600 PRETEND NOT TO RECOGNIZE GERMAN OFFICERS." 353 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,102 I DON'T KNOW ANY GERMAN OFFICERS. 354 00:22:18,103 --> 00:22:20,105 HANG ON, THERE'S SOMETHING ON THE OTHER SIDE. 355 00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:22,607 IN CASE THERE IS A COCK-UP, 356 00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:25,109 EAT THIS. 357 00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:27,612 AH WELL, HERE GOES. 358 00:22:33,618 --> 00:22:34,619 MMM. 359 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,496 THE BERLIN CAR IS APPROACHING! 360 00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:45,997 Sergeant: BRING OUT THE PRISONERS. 361 00:22:50,502 --> 00:22:51,503 PAPERS? 362 00:22:57,509 --> 00:22:59,010 PAPERS. 363 00:23:01,012 --> 00:23:02,513 THESE ARE IN ORDER. 364 00:23:03,515 --> 00:23:04,516 FORWARD! 365 00:23:07,018 --> 00:23:09,020 ( gears grind ) 366 00:23:09,020 --> 00:23:11,522 THERE ARE SO MANY GEARS! 367 00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:28,540 SHOW HIM THE PAPERS. 368 00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:31,042 YOU ARE THE MAJOR. YOU SHOW HIM THE PAPERS. 369 00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:33,044 I AM THE MAJOR. YOU ARE A CAPTAIN. 370 00:23:33,044 --> 00:23:35,046 I AM ORDERING YOU TO SHOW HIM THE PAPERS! 371 00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:38,049 FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, SOMEBODY SHOW HIM THE PAPERS. 372 00:23:44,055 --> 00:23:45,556 ( honks ) 373 00:23:49,561 --> 00:23:50,562 THE PAPERS. 374 00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:54,065 IT IS A VERY OLD DRIVER YOU HAVE THERE. 375 00:23:55,567 --> 00:23:57,569 HE WAS YOUNG WHEN WE STARTED. 376 00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:01,572 WELL, IT IS A LONG WAY FROM BERLIN. 377 00:24:01,573 --> 00:24:03,575 THIS IS IN ORDER. 378 00:24:06,578 --> 00:24:08,079 BRING THE AIRMEN! 379 00:24:14,085 --> 00:24:15,586 THEY'RE VERY SLIPPERY CUSTOMERS. 380 00:24:15,587 --> 00:24:18,089 THE GENERAL HAS ORDERED HANDCUFFS. 381 00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:35,607 TO THE CAR. 382 00:24:50,121 --> 00:24:52,123 UH, WHERE ARE THE KEYS? 383 00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:54,625 THERE IS A DUPLICATE IN BERLIN. 384 00:24:54,626 --> 00:24:56,628 WHEN YOU ARRIVE THERE, YOU WILL BE RELEASED. 385 00:24:56,628 --> 00:24:58,129 HEIL HITLER. 386 00:24:58,129 --> 00:25:00,631 All: HEIL HITLER. GOODBYE. 387 00:25:00,632 --> 00:25:02,133 FORWARD! 388 00:25:05,136 --> 00:25:07,138 ( gears grind ) 389 00:25:20,151 --> 00:25:23,654 THERE GO THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO BERLIN. 390 00:25:23,655 --> 00:25:25,657 WE HAVE BEEN THWARTED. 391 00:25:25,657 --> 00:25:28,660 I WAS ALSO THWARTED THIS AFTERNOON. 392 00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:32,163 THAT IS TWICE TODAY YOU'VE BEEN THWARTED. 393 00:25:32,163 --> 00:25:34,165 SOME PEOPLE ATTRACT BAD LUCK. 394 00:25:34,165 --> 00:25:37,168 THAT IS TRUE. COME HERE. 395 00:25:41,172 --> 00:25:44,675 ( motor stalling ) 396 00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:46,177 ( mumbling ) 397 00:25:46,177 --> 00:25:48,179 WHAT IS HAPPENING? 398 00:25:52,183 --> 00:25:54,185 ( motor sputtering ) 399 00:25:54,185 --> 00:25:55,686 - THE BATTERY, HE IS FLAT! - OH. 400 00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:58,189 OH. 401 00:25:58,189 --> 00:26:00,191 - I WILL CRANK IT WITH THE HANDLE. - OUI OUI. 402 00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:04,695 ( clamoring ) 403 00:26:04,696 --> 00:26:06,698 COME ON, HURRY UP. 404 00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:08,700 HANG ON, HANG ON. 405 00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,707 WHAT IS WRONG? 406 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:18,710 I CAN'T DO IT. I'M LEFT-HANDED. 407 00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:20,712 I WILL DO IT. 408 00:26:26,718 --> 00:26:27,719 WIGGLE YOUR FOOT! 409 00:26:30,221 --> 00:26:33,224 ON THE ACCELERATOR. 410 00:26:38,229 --> 00:26:40,231 HE HAS FLOODED IT. 411 00:26:40,231 --> 00:26:43,234 WE WILL HAVE TO GIVE HIM A PUSH START. 412 00:26:44,736 --> 00:26:46,237 ( honks ) 413 00:26:47,739 --> 00:26:49,240 Edith: THIS WAY. 414 00:26:51,242 --> 00:26:54,245 PUT IT IN GEAR. DO NOT RELEASE THE CLUTCH UNTIL I TELL YOU. 415 00:26:54,245 --> 00:26:56,247 ( mumbles ) 416 00:26:58,249 --> 00:27:01,252 ONE, TWO, THREE, PUSH! 417 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,761 NOW! 418 00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:14,265 ( car starts up ) 419 00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:16,767 - HEY, COME BACK! - COME BACK! 420 00:27:16,768 --> 00:27:20,271 - HEY, YOU SON OF A GUN! - ( shouting ) 421 00:27:20,271 --> 00:27:21,772 - COME-- - COME HERE! 422 00:27:25,276 --> 00:27:26,777 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 423 00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:29,280 NEVER MIND THAT. TO THE BIKE! 424 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,781 COME! 425 00:27:30,782 --> 00:27:32,283 HANG ON! 426 00:27:32,283 --> 00:27:34,285 ( grunting ) 427 00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:38,289 ( theme music playing )