1 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,574 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:10,577 ( train chugging ) 3 00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,093 YOU FIND ME STANDING IN THE CORRIDOR 4 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,595 OF THE 11:15 EXPRESS TO GENEVA. 5 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:32,098 I AM HERE BECAUSE IT WAS MY PLAN TO ELOPE 6 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,100 TO THE SWISS MOUNTAINS WITH MY WAITRESS, YVETTE. 7 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,103 UNFORTUNATELY, MY WIFE, EDITH, 8 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:40,106 RECEIVED THE NOTE WHICH WAS INTENDED FOR YVETTE. 9 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:43,109 SO THE SLEEPING BUNK WHICH SHOULD BE OCCUPIED BY YVETTE, 10 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,111 AT THE MOMENT CONTAINS EDITH. 11 00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:47,613 THE TRAIN IS TRAVELING AT 70 MILES AN HOUR, 12 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,616 SO I CANNOT THROW MYSELF OFF. 13 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,619 RENE, RENE? 14 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,121 OH, RENE, COME TO BED. 15 00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,623 IN A MOMENT, MY LOVE, 16 00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,626 AFTER I HAVE BEEN TO THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM. 17 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,128 FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO IMPATIENT. 18 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,631 IT IS LIKE THE FIRST NIGHT OF MY HONEYMOON. 19 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,634 MY HEART IS POUNDING IN TIME 20 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,135 TO THE PISTONS OF THE ENGINE. 21 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,644 AS YOU CAN SEE, SHE HAS BUILT UP 22 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,646 QUITE A HEAD OF STEAM. 23 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,148 I MUST HIDE AND THINK OF WHAT TO DO NEXT. 24 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,656 STOP FIDGETING, GRUBER. 25 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,659 I'M SORRY, COLONEL. 26 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,163 I FIND IT MOST FRUSTRATING 27 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,164 TO THINK THAT THE GENUINE PAINTINGS 28 00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,665 ARE JUST A FEW FEET FROM US, 29 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,167 IN THAT SAFE. 30 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,669 COULD WE NOT BLOW THE LOCK WITH OUR PISTOLS? 31 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,172 WE WANT TO SUBSTITUTE THESE FORGERIES 32 00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,174 WITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION. 33 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:50,676 WE MUST RELY ON HELGA. 34 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,680 HAVE YOU GOT THE KEY FROM THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT? 35 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,682 I HAVE NOT YET LOCATED HIM. 36 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,184 WHY DO YOU NOT FIND THE SLEEPING CAR ATTENDANT 37 00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,685 AND TAKE A LOOK AT HIS PLAN? 38 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,689 GOOD THINKING! HAVE YOU THE PILLS TO DRUG HIS COFFEE? 39 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,691 - IN MY HANDBAG. - GOOD. 40 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:07,193 WHEN HE IS UNCONSCIOUS, YOU WILL OBTAIN THE KEY OF THE SAFE. 41 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,694 YES, COLONEL. 42 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,205 ( shriek ) 43 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,707 I BEG YOUR PARDON? 44 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,710 ( snoring ) 45 00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,712 SORRY, SORRY. 46 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,714 AH, THANK GOD. 47 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,226 HOW DID SHE GET HERE? 48 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,229 SHE ALSO MUST HAVE FOUND THE NOTE, 49 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,730 AND THOUGHT IT WAS FOR HER. 50 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,233 ONE SHOULD NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN WRITING. 51 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,738 ( shriek ) 52 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,239 SORRY. 53 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,242 ( snoring ) 54 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,743 BEG YOUR PARDON. 55 00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:03,249 RENE, AT LAST I HAVE FOUND YOU. 56 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:06,752 MIMI, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 57 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,254 RENE, YOU LEFT ME THE NOTE, 58 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,755 BUT YOU DID NOT LEAVE ME THE TICKET. 59 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,758 OH, EDITH HAS GOT THE TICKET. 60 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,760 SHE THOUGHT THE NOTE WAS FOR HER. 61 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,761 SHE'S ON THE TRAIN. 62 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,763 SHE-- SHE MUST NOT FIND US. 63 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,264 Edith: RENE. 64 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,765 OH MY GOD. 65 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,768 SORRY. 66 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,770 I WILL HIDE WITH YOU. 67 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,773 OH, YES. 68 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,274 RENE, 69 00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,775 RENE. 70 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:35,782 ( shriek ) 71 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,283 OH, SORRY! 72 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:40,787 ( snore ) 73 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,290 PARDON. 74 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,791 ( kissing noises ) 75 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,294 AAH, HONEYMOONERS. 76 00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,806 WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 77 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,809 STAY HERE AND HAVE A GOOD THINK. 78 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:09,349 THE COFFEE IS NEARLY READY, HERR FLICK. 79 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:12,352 WE WILL NOW PROCEED TO EACH COMPARTMENT 80 00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,854 ON THE PRETEXT OF TAKING ORDERS FOR COFFEE. 81 00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,857 HERE IS A PICTURE OF THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT. 82 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:20,860 FIX IT FIRMLY IN YOUR MIND. 83 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,862 WHEN WE FIND HIM, WE WILL DRUG HIS COFFEE, 84 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:25,364 REMOVE THE KEY, SEIZE THE PAINTING, 85 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,368 PULL THE COMMUNICATION CORD AND VANISH INTO THE NIGHT. 86 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:31,371 ( giggling ) IT'S A DEVILISH PLAN. 87 00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:32,872 OF COURSE. 88 00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:33,873 PROCEED. 89 00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:37,376 ORDERS FOR COFFEE. 90 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,379 ORDERS FOR COFFEE. 91 00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:45,885 MIMI, MY DEAR SWEET, UNSOPHISTICATED CHILD, 92 00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:48,888 OF COURSE I WANT TO ELOPE WITH YOU. 93 00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,890 BUT EDITH ALSO FOUND THAT NOTE, 94 00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:52,892 AND THOUGHT IT WAS FOR HER. 95 00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:56,896 THAT IS WHY SHE IS ON THE TRAIN. 96 00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,899 WHAT SORT OF LIFE ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TOGETHER IN SWITZERLAND, 97 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,401 WITH HER CLIMBING EVERY MOUNTAIN LOOKING FOR US? 98 00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,405 WE COULD DROP A ROCK ON HER HEAD. 99 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:08,408 NO, THE WHOLE PLAN HAS GONE WRONG. 100 00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:10,910 IF SHE FOUND YOU, SHE WOULD KILL YOU. 101 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,912 THE TRAIN IS SLOWING DOWN. 102 00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,914 YOU MUST JUMP. 103 00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,920 RENE, I DO NOT WANT TO JUMP. 104 00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,928 THE GROUND IS SO HARD. 105 00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,931 WE ARE ALONGSIDE A RIVER. 106 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,433 BUT I LOVE YOU! 107 00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,436 AND I LOVE YOU TOO. 108 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,438 OH, I CANNOT BEAR TO PART LIKE THIS. 109 00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,441 GO QUICKLY AND DO NOT LOOK BACK. 110 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,944 I CANNOT DO IT. 111 00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,445 Edith: RENE, 112 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,947 RENE. 113 00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,449 - YES, YOU CAN. - AARGHH! RENE!!! 114 00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:56,956 RENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 115 00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:59,959 JUST GETTING A BREATH OF FRESH AIR, MY LOVE. 116 00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:04,464 YOU GO BACK TO THE BUNK 117 00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:05,465 AND WAIT FOR ME, MY DEAR. 118 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,468 OH RENE, YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE. 119 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:11,971 YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE TO BE TANTALIZED. 120 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,482 NOW WHERE IS THE RESERVATION PLAN? 121 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:27,486 THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT, 122 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,989 MONSIEUR YOOP HOOP DEHOOP. 123 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,490 THAT WILL BE THE ONE. 124 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,493 COMPARTMENT 12B. 125 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,502 OOH, HERE YOU ARE. 126 00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:44,504 HAVE YOU FOUND HIM? 127 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,506 HE IS IN COMPARTMENT 12B. 128 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:51,010 I AM PREPARING FOR HIM THE DRUGGED COFFEE. 129 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,012 LOOK OUT. THE STEWARDS ARE RETURNING. 130 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,522 HE IS NOT IN THE FORWARD CARRIAGES. 131 00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:05,024 WE MUST NOW SEARCH THE REST OF THE TRAIN. 132 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,027 SOME UNAUTHORIZED PERSON 133 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,029 HAS POURED OUT COFFEE. 134 00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,031 WASTE NOT, WANT NOT. 135 00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:22,541 NOW LET US SEARCH. 136 00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,550 HERE IS 12B. 137 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,552 GET INTO CONVERSATION WITH HIM. 138 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,053 I WILL BRING THE COFFEE. 139 00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:41,060 VON SMALLHAUSEN, YOU ARE LAGGING BEHIND. 140 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,561 MY HEAD IS SPINNING. 141 00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:50,569 YOU SEARCH THIS COMPARTMENT, 142 00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,071 I WILL SEARCH THIS ONE. 143 00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:55,074 I WILL TRY, BUT MY LEGS ARE WOBBLY. 144 00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,076 Flick: THE GESTAPO 145 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,078 DO NOT HAVE WOBBLY LEGS. 146 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,082 I AM THE SLEEPING CAR ATTENDANT, 147 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,583 TAKING ORDERS FOR COFFEE. 148 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,586 DO ANY OF YOU WANT COFFEE? 149 00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:10,089 IS THERE ANYBODY HERE? 150 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,092 A NUN-- 151 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,097 ANOTHER NUN! 152 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,602 WHO IS IT IN THIS BUNK? 153 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,605 ( Gruber disguising voice ) I AM A VERY OLD NUN-- 154 00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,107 GO AWAY. 155 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,609 I AM SORRY OLD NUN. 156 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,612 I WILL NOT TROUBLE YOU ANY FURTHER. 157 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:47,627 Colonel: HELGA, GRUBER, 158 00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,629 WHERE ARE YOU? 159 00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,632 OH MY GOD, THE COLONEL! 160 00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,136 Edith: RENE, RENE-- 161 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,138 I'M GETTING IMPATIENT. 162 00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,640 I HAVE BEEN TANTALIZED LONG ENOUGH. 163 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,656 RENE. 164 00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:21,160 HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS HERE? 165 00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,164 HMMM? 166 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:26,665 HELGA, WHERE ARE YOU? 167 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,668 HELGA? 168 00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:32,672 AH, THE KEY! 169 00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,674 WELL DONE. 170 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,679 I WILL TAKE THAT. 171 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,682 AT LEAST I WOULD, 172 00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:46,185 WERE I NOT ABOUT TO BECOME UNCONSCIOUS. 173 00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,702 RENE! 174 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,706 YVETTE, HOW DID YOU GET HERE? 175 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:09,208 IT WAS NOT EASY WITHOUT A TICKET. 176 00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,210 MONSIEUR LECLERC GOT THE NOTES IN A MUDDLE. 177 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,212 BUT I MANAGED TO CATCH THE TRAIN, 178 00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:14,713 AND I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU 179 00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:15,715 EVER SINCE. 180 00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,717 I HAVE BAD NEWS. 181 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,719 EDITH IS ON BOARD, 182 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,220 BUT DO NOT WORRY, 183 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,222 I-- I STILL HAVE THE GOLD. 184 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,724 OH, RENE, HOLD ME, 185 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,226 CRUSH ME TO YOU. 186 00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,728 NO, THERE IS NO TIME FOR ALL THAT. 187 00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,731 QUICK, HIDE IN A BUNK. 188 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,233 PSST, 189 00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,235 IT IS I, LECLERC. 190 00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,737 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU BUNGLING IDIOT? 191 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,740 I HAVE FOR YOU, 192 00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,241 A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE, 193 00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,743 ABOUT THE EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 194 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:47,747 WHAT ABOUT THE EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS? 195 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:51,250 TWO OF THEM ARE TO BE DROPPED DOWN THE FUNNEL OF THE ENGINE, 196 00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:52,751 WHEN WE GO UNDER THE BRIDGE 197 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,253 AT ABBEVILLE. 198 00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,755 OH MY GOD! WHAT TIME ARE WE DUE THERE? 199 00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:58,257 LET'S SEE, 200 00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,258 THREE MINUTES AGO. 201 00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,759 WE ARE RUNNING LATE. 202 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,762 Edith: RENE. 203 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,263 QUICK. IT IS EDITH, HIDE. 204 00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:06,265 - I WILL HIDE HER. - OH! 205 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,270 RENE, OH, RENE. 206 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,272 I CAN WAIT NO LONGER. 207 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,774 EDITH, HOLD ON. THERE IS GOING TO BE A BIG BANG. 208 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:17,276 I KNOW, BUT WHEN? 209 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,778 ( brakes squeal; people scream ) 210 00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:39,799 YOU CAN ALL GO AWAY. 211 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:42,301 I AM NOT OPENING UNTIL 12:00. 212 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:45,805 "HEADLINE NEWS, 213 00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:48,808 GENEVA EXPRESS BLOWN UP BY CHRISTMAS PUDDING." 214 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,314 IT WAS A NIGHT I SHALL NEVER FORGET, 215 00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:57,316 AND WHAT AN ANTICLIMAX. 216 00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:58,817 HERE WAS I, HOPING TO ELOPE 217 00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,820 TO SWITZERLAND WITH THE LOVELY YVETTE. 218 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,822 AND WHERE DO I FIND MYSELF? 219 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:04,824 3:00 IN THE MORNING, RETURNING HOME WITH MY WIFE, 220 00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,826 ON THE BACK OF A FISH LORRY. 221 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,829 WELL, FORTUNATELY, EDITH STILL DOES NOT KNOW 222 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,331 THAT YVETTE WAS ON THE TRAIN. 223 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:15,334 HOW THE POOR CHILD WILL GET HOME, I HAVE NO IDEA. 224 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:16,835 SHE HAS NO MONEY. 225 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:19,338 AT THIS MOMENT SHE IS PROBABLY 226 00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,840 TRAMPING ACROSS A PLOWED FIELD IN HER HIGH HEELS. 227 00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,843 RENE-EEE! 228 00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:31,350 - YVETTE?! - OH, RENE, 229 00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:34,353 ALL THE WAY FROM ABBEVILLE ON ROLLER SKATES. 230 00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,357 YVETTE, THANK HEAVENS YOU ARE SAFE. 231 00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:40,359 WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS? HAVE YOU SEEN MONSIEUR LECLERC? 232 00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:41,860 HE, TOO, HAS ROLLER SKATES. 233 00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:42,862 WHERE IS HE? 234 00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:44,864 OH, JUST OUTSIDE NOUVION, 235 00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:47,366 HE BROKE THE BALLS OF HIS BEARINGS. 236 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:53,872 RENE, CAN WE ELOPE AGAIN TOMORROW? 237 00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:57,376 I THINK I WILL HAVE TO REST UP A BIT. 238 00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,378 OH, RENE, HOLD ME, 239 00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:02,381 CRUSH ME TO YOU. 240 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:03,382 ( growling ) 241 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:06,885 - RENE! - OOOH! 242 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,388 WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND THAT GIRL? 243 00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:12,891 YOU STUPID WOMAN! 244 00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:16,395 CAN YOU NOT SEE 245 00:13:16,395 --> 00:13:18,897 THAT SHE IS UPSET BECAUSE YOU AND I 246 00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,900 DID NOT SUCCEED IN ELOPING TOGETHER. 247 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,402 SHE HAD IN HER MIND ONLY OUR HAPPINESS. 248 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:26,405 WHY IS SHE WEARING ROLLER SKATES? 249 00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,909 WE ARE HER FAMILY. 250 00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,913 IF WE HAD GONE, WHAT WOULD SHE HAVE HAD LEFT? 251 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:36,415 SHE WAS SKATING TO THE ORPHANAGE, 252 00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:41,420 THE ONLY PLACE WHERE SHE KNOWS TRUE HAPPINESS. 253 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:43,922 ON THE WAY THERE, SHE SAW THOSE HEADLINES. 254 00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,424 BUT SHE HAS A MOTHER. 255 00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:46,925 WHY WAS SHE IN AN ORPHANAGE? 256 00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,928 SHE WAS A DIFFICULT CHILD, 257 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,430 SHE CAME FROM A BROKEN HOME-- 258 00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:53,932 HER MOTHER USED TO LIVE WITH A GREENGROCER. 259 00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:56,435 HE USED TO BEAT HER DAILY WITH LONG GREEN BEANS. 260 00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,438 RENE, DO NOT REVEAL ANY MORE. 261 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,440 OH, THE POOR CHILD. 262 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,442 SKATE INTO THE KITCHEN, 263 00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:04,943 I WILL GET YOU SOME SOUP. 264 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:08,948 RENE! 265 00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,449 MY GOD, THE GOLD. 266 00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:11,450 WHAT IS THE MATTER? 267 00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:13,452 I THOUGHT I WOULD BE IN SWITZERLAND 268 00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:15,454 BY THE TIME THE GENERAL DISCOVERED THAT IT HAD GONE. 269 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,456 NOW I AM IN NOUVION. WE COULD ALL BE SHOT. 270 00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:19,458 - I MUST GO AND PUT IT BACK. - PUT IT BACK WHERE? 271 00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:20,959 BACK WITH THE REST OF THE GOLD! 272 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,461 IN THE SAFE IN THE POLICE STATION. 273 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:23,962 NO, KEEP IT. 274 00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:25,464 WE WILL ELOPE AGAIN TONIGHT. 275 00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:27,966 TONIGHT COULD BE TOO LATE. NOW COULD BE TOO LATE. 276 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,468 NO, NO, I MUST GO 277 00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:30,969 AND TALK TO THAT IDIOT CRABTREE. 278 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,972 GOOD MOANING. 279 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,475 FOR ONCE I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. 280 00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:37,976 I NEED THE KEY TO YOUR SAFE. 281 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:38,978 WHY? 282 00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:41,480 I PINCHED FOUR BARS OF THE GENERAL'S GOLD. 283 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,483 I KNOW. I SPITTED YOU TOKING IT. 284 00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:47,986 WHEN THE GENERAL FINDS OUT, HE COULD SHOOT HALF OF NOUVION. 285 00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:49,989 DO NOT WIRRY. 286 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,991 I HAVE SQUOOZED INTO THE LOCK, 287 00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:55,494 HARD SITTING GLUE. 288 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:58,497 IF HE CANNOT OPEN IT, HE WILL NOT KNEE THAT IT IS GINE. 289 00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,999 HERE IS THE TIMETABLE. 290 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,502 WE WILL LEAVE BY THE NEXT TRAIN. 291 00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:06,004 THERE ARE NO TROONS. 292 00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,008 THE ONE THAT WAS DEROOLED BY THE CHRISTMAS PIDDING 293 00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:12,511 IS STILL BLICKING THE LOON. 294 00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:15,013 THIS IS NOT MY DAY. 295 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,516 RENE, LET US BLOW OPEN THE SAFE. 296 00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,518 EDITH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 297 00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,019 WE HAVE IN OUR CELLAR 298 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,022 EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 299 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:25,024 WE COULD SQUASH ONE WELL INTO THE LOCK, 300 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,026 LIGHT THE FUSE AND STAND WELL BACK. 301 00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,528 AND HOW WILL WE KNOW HOW MUCH CHRISTMAS PUDDING TO USE? 302 00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:32,030 WELL, WE CAN START WITH FOUR TABLESPOONSFUL 303 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,532 AND WORK UP FROM THERE. 304 00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,036 BY THE TIME THEY HAVE CLEARED THE LINE 305 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,038 YOU AND I CAN ELOPE TOGETHER 306 00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,040 WITH ALL THE GOLD. 307 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,542 COME, LET US PICK A PUDDING. 308 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,545 SHE IS MONEY MAD. 309 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:51,050 HE MEANS MINNEY MOD. 310 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:57,189 Colonel: WE HAVE ALL HAD A VERY NARROW ESCAPE 311 00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:59,691 BUT WE'VE ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE, 312 00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,194 AND THE PAINTINGS, IN ALL THEIR GLORY, 313 00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,196 ARE IN OUR POSSESSION, 314 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:07,199 AND SAFELY RESTING IN THE BODY OF THE STATUE. 315 00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:09,201 THE FORGERIES WHICH I PUT IN THEIR PLACE, 316 00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:11,703 WILL NO DOUBT BE RECOVERED IN DUE COURSE. 317 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,706 I HAVE TO REPORT THAT THE FORGERIES 318 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,708 HAVE ALREADY BEEN RECOVERED 319 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,709 BY HERR FLICK, 320 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,210 WHO HAS PUT IN THEIR PLACE 321 00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:20,212 TWO OTHER FORGERIES. 322 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,216 YES, YES. THERE'S AN ALMOST 323 00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,218 POETIC BEAUTY TO THIS SITUATION. 324 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,222 CONCEALED IN THIS BEAUTIFUL STATUE 325 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,224 WE HAVE THE ORIGINAL MASTERPIECES. 326 00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:36,228 HERR FLICK THINKS THAT HE HAS THE ORIGINAL MASTERPIECES, 327 00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:39,231 AND THE GENERAL HAS THE GOLD FROM THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT, 328 00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:41,733 WHO BELIEVES THAT HE BOUGHT THE MASTERPIECES. 329 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,737 AND RENE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT OUR OPERATION, 330 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,239 SO HE DOES NOT GET HIS CUT. 331 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,742 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN. 332 00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:57,249 - HEIL HITLER. - All: HEIL HITLER. 333 00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,251 GRUBER, I HAVE A TASK FOR YOU. 334 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,753 I PUT SOME NOT VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS 335 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,756 IN THE SAFE IN THE POLICE STATION. 336 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,258 UNFORTUNATELY, SOME PRACTICAL JOKER 337 00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:09,261 HAS GUMMED UP THE LOCK SO I CAN'T USE THE KEY. 338 00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:11,263 I WISH YOU, THEREFORE, TO TAKE YOUR TANK 339 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,265 AND TRANSFER IT TO MY CHATEAU, 340 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:15,767 WHERE THE UNIMPORTANT PAPERS WILL BE SAFE. 341 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,770 VERY GOOD, GENERAL. 342 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,772 Colonel: WILL THAT BE ALL? 343 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,774 NO. 344 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,275 THIS STATUE. 345 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,776 WHAT STATUE? 346 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,782 I LIKE IT. 347 00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,784 IT WOULD LOOK RATHER NICE IN MY CHATEAU. 348 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,787 REALLY IT'S SUCH A CHEAP AND UGLY THING. 349 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,790 ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY TASTE? 350 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:38,791 I WILL TAKE IT. 351 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,793 COULD WE... PERHAPS... 352 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,795 DELIVER IT FOR YOU? 353 00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,297 NO, I WILL TAKE IT NOW. 354 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:47,799 GUARDS, PUT THIS STATUE IN MY CAR. 355 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:48,801 HEIL HITLER. 356 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,302 HEIL HITLER. 357 00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:58,310 ALL RIGHT, THERE IS THE SAFE. 358 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,315 EDITH, BE CAREFUL! 359 00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:06,318 I WILL WITCH OUT OF THE WANDOW. 360 00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:09,321 IF ANYONE COMES THIS WOO, 361 00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:11,823 I WILL GIVE YOU TWO WONKS. 362 00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,833 Bertorelli: MAKE THE ATTENTION! 363 00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,837 I SAID, MAKE THE ATTENTION. YOU PUT THE LEGS TOGETHER, 364 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,339 YOU MAKE THE SPINE STRAIGHT. 365 00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:30,342 NO SMOKE THE FAG WHEN YOU MAKE THE ATTENTION! 366 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,345 SLOPE THE ARMS. 367 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,352 BEFORE THE OFFICER. 368 00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,354 PRESENT THE ARMS. 369 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,861 WHAT YOU THINK OF THEM, EH? 370 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:53,365 I SUSPECT THEY HAVE NEVER DONE IT BETTER. 371 00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,369 I WONDER IF YOU COULD ASSIST ME? 372 00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:58,870 I HAVE TO REMOVE A HEAVY SAFE, 373 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,873 FROM THE POLICE STATION, 374 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,374 ONTO THE BACK OF MY LITTLE TANK. 375 00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:04,376 DO YOU HAVE FOUR STRONG MEN? 376 00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,878 HELP YOURSELF. 377 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,380 YOU ASK THEM. 378 00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,382 PAY ATTENTION. 379 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:12,384 ( men growl ) 380 00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:13,885 SETTLE DOWN. 381 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,388 I AM LOOKING FOR FOUR STRONG MEN. 382 00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:18,890 YOU BET YOUR LIFE YOU ARE! 383 00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:25,363 EDITH, DO NOT PUSH SO HARD. 384 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,366 THIS IS A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE CHRISTMAS PUDDING 385 00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:28,367 WE HAVE HERE. 386 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,369 IT IS A VERY BIG LOCK. 387 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:32,871 I HAVE USED HALF THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING ALREADY. 388 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,372 I AM SURE THAT IS ENOUGH. 389 00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:35,874 WHERE IS THE FUSE? 390 00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:37,375 IT IS HERE, 391 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,378 IT IS DISGUISED AS HOLLY. 392 00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:42,881 NOW, LIGHT IT. 393 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,382 ALL RIGHT. 394 00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:49,388 LET US TAKE COVER, QUICK. 395 00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:52,391 DO NOT PANIC. 396 00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,393 IT IS A TWO MINUTE FUSE. 397 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:55,894 WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME. 398 00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,400 PSST! 399 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,403 CAN YOU NOT SEE ME WONKING? 400 00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,407 NOW WHAT IS THE MATTER?! 401 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,410 LIEUTENANT GRUBER 402 00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,412 IS HERE IN HIS TONK. 403 00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:14,413 OH MY GOD! 404 00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,415 QUICK, PUT IT OUT, PUT IT OUT. 405 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,420 I CANNOT! IT IS BURNING INSIDE. 406 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,921 OH MY GOD. 407 00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,923 QUICK, LET US GO OUT THE BACK WAY. 408 00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:26,424 IT MUST HAVE GONE OUT. 409 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,427 I CAN NO LONGER HEAR IT FIZZING. 410 00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:36,434 RENE? 411 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,938 I KEEP MEETING YOU 412 00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,439 IN THE MOST UNEXPECTED PLACES. 413 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,943 UM... WE WERE JUST REPORTING A MISSING HEN. 414 00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:50,949 ON THE ORDERS OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN 415 00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:52,951 I AM REQUISITIONING THIS SAFE. 416 00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,953 WHERE IS IT GOING? 417 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,455 TO THE GENERAL'S QUARTERS AT THE CHATEAU. 418 00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:01,460 MEN, TAKE IT OUT THROUGH THE BACK PASSAGE. 419 00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,462 YOU CANNOT TICK IT 420 00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:05,464 UNLESS I HAVE A SOGNITURE. 421 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:06,965 HERE IS THE ORDER. 422 00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:08,967 PUT IT INTO THE TANK, MEN. 423 00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:11,970 OH, RENE, 424 00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:14,973 I, UH... I HAVE LONG PROMISED YOU 425 00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,474 A SPIN IN MY LITTLE TANK. 426 00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:18,477 WOULD YOU CARE TO ACCOMPANY ME 427 00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:19,978 TO THE CHATEAU? 428 00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:23,481 WELL, THAT IS A VERY KIND THOUGHT, LIEUTENANT. 429 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,484 WHAT IF THE FUSE HAS NOT GONE OUT? 430 00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,986 BUT THIS TIME, I WILL GIVE IT A MISS, 431 00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:29,988 IF THAT IS ALL THE SAME TO YOU. 432 00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:32,991 ME, I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THE GERMAN TANK. 433 00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:34,993 I TRAVEL WITH YOU. 434 00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:38,997 LIEUTENANT, PERHAPS THE CAPTAIN COULD DRIVE YOUR TANK 435 00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:41,499 WHILE YOU CAME AND HAD A DRINK WITH ME? 436 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,502 OH, AN INVITATION 437 00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:46,004 I CANNOT REFUSE. 438 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:48,006 THE SAFE IS LOADED, CAPITANO. 439 00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:50,008 GOOD, WE COME. 440 00:21:55,013 --> 00:21:56,514 RIGHT, MOVE YOUR BUTTS. 441 00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:00,519 RENE, 442 00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:03,021 I THINK WE SHOULD NOT BE SEEN WALKING TOGETHER. 443 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,522 I WILL GO AHEAD. 444 00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:06,024 I WILL FOLLOW. 445 00:22:10,028 --> 00:22:11,029 SHOO! 446 00:22:20,038 --> 00:22:21,539 HEY! 447 00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:23,542 IT'S NICE, EH? 448 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:25,544 YOU WATCH AS YOUR CAPITANO 449 00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:27,045 GO OFF IN CLOUD OF SMOKE, EH? 450 00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:29,047 CIAO. 451 00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:32,551 DO NOT GIVE IT TOO MUCH THROTTLE, 452 00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:34,553 OR YOU WILL GET A LITTLE BACKFIRE. 453 00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:35,554 ( engine starts ) 454 00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,084 I-- 455 00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:10,588 I GIVE HIM TOO MUCH THROTTLE. 456 00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:20,098 ( theme music playing )