1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:07,574
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:10,577
( train chugging )
3
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,093
YOU FIND ME STANDING
IN THE CORRIDOR
4
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,595
OF THE 11:15 EXPRESS
TO GENEVA.
5
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:32,098
I AM HERE BECAUSE
IT WAS MY PLAN TO ELOPE
6
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,100
TO THE SWISS MOUNTAINS
WITH MY WAITRESS, YVETTE.
7
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,103
UNFORTUNATELY,
MY WIFE, EDITH,
8
00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:40,106
RECEIVED THE NOTE WHICH WAS
INTENDED FOR YVETTE.
9
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:43,109
SO THE SLEEPING BUNK WHICH
SHOULD BE OCCUPIED BY YVETTE,
10
00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,111
AT THE MOMENT
CONTAINS EDITH.
11
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:47,613
THE TRAIN IS TRAVELING
AT 70 MILES AN HOUR,
12
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,616
SO I CANNOT
THROW MYSELF OFF.
13
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,619
RENE, RENE?
14
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,121
OH, RENE,
COME TO BED.
15
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IN A MOMENT, MY LOVE,
16
00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,626
AFTER I HAVE BEEN
TO THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM.
17
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,128
FORGIVE ME FOR BEING
SO IMPATIENT.
18
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,631
IT IS LIKE
THE FIRST NIGHT OF MY HONEYMOON.
19
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,634
MY HEART IS
POUNDING IN TIME
20
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,135
TO THE PISTONS
OF THE ENGINE.
21
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AS YOU CAN SEE,
SHE HAS BUILT UP
22
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,646
QUITE A HEAD OF STEAM.
23
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,148
I MUST HIDE AND THINK
OF WHAT TO DO NEXT.
24
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,656
STOP FIDGETING, GRUBER.
25
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,659
I'M SORRY, COLONEL.
26
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,163
I FIND IT
MOST FRUSTRATING
27
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TO THINK THAT
THE GENUINE PAINTINGS
28
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:39,665
ARE JUST
A FEW FEET FROM US,
29
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IN THAT SAFE.
30
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,669
COULD WE NOT BLOW THE LOCK
WITH OUR PISTOLS?
31
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,172
WE WANT TO SUBSTITUTE
THESE FORGERIES
32
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,174
WITHOUT AROUSING SUSPICION.
33
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:50,676
WE MUST RELY ON HELGA.
34
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,680
HAVE YOU GOT THE KEY
FROM THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT?
35
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,682
I HAVE NOT YET
LOCATED HIM.
36
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,184
WHY DO YOU NOT FIND
THE SLEEPING CAR ATTENDANT
37
00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,685
AND TAKE A LOOK
AT HIS PLAN?
38
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,689
GOOD THINKING!
HAVE YOU THE PILLS TO DRUG HIS COFFEE?
39
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,691
- IN MY HANDBAG.
- GOOD.
40
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:07,193
WHEN HE IS UNCONSCIOUS,
YOU WILL OBTAIN THE KEY OF THE SAFE.
41
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,694
YES, COLONEL.
42
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( shriek )
43
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,707
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
44
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,710
( snoring )
45
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,712
SORRY, SORRY.
46
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,714
AH, THANK GOD.
47
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,226
HOW DID SHE GET HERE?
48
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,229
SHE ALSO MUST HAVE
FOUND THE NOTE,
49
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,730
AND THOUGHT IT WAS FOR HER.
50
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,233
ONE SHOULD NEVER PUT
ANYTHING IN WRITING.
51
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,738
( shriek )
52
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,239
SORRY.
53
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,242
( snoring )
54
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,743
BEG YOUR PARDON.
55
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:03,249
RENE, AT LAST
I HAVE FOUND YOU.
56
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:06,752
MIMI, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN?
57
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,254
RENE, YOU LEFT ME THE NOTE,
58
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,755
BUT YOU DID NOT
LEAVE ME THE TICKET.
59
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,758
OH, EDITH HAS GOT
THE TICKET.
60
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,760
SHE THOUGHT THE NOTE
WAS FOR HER.
61
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,761
SHE'S ON THE TRAIN.
62
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,763
SHE-- SHE MUST NOT
FIND US.
63
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,264
Edith:
RENE.
64
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,765
OH MY GOD.
65
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,768
SORRY.
66
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,770
I WILL HIDE WITH YOU.
67
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,773
OH, YES.
68
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,274
RENE,
69
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,775
RENE.
70
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( shriek )
71
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,283
OH, SORRY!
72
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:40,787
( snore )
73
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PARDON.
74
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,791
( kissing noises )
75
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,294
AAH, HONEYMOONERS.
76
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,806
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?
77
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,809
STAY HERE AND HAVE
A GOOD THINK.
78
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:09,349
THE COFFEE IS
NEARLY READY, HERR FLICK.
79
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:12,352
WE WILL NOW PROCEED
TO EACH COMPARTMENT
80
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:14,854
ON THE PRETEXT
OF TAKING ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
81
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,857
HERE IS A PICTURE
OF THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT.
82
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:20,860
FIX IT FIRMLY
IN YOUR MIND.
83
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,862
WHEN WE FIND HIM,
WE WILL DRUG HIS COFFEE,
84
00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:25,364
REMOVE THE KEY,
SEIZE THE PAINTING,
85
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,368
PULL THE COMMUNICATION CORD
AND VANISH INTO THE NIGHT.
86
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:31,371
( giggling )
IT'S A DEVILISH PLAN.
87
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:32,872
OF COURSE.
88
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:33,873
PROCEED.
89
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:37,376
ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
90
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:39,379
ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
91
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:45,885
MIMI, MY DEAR SWEET,
UNSOPHISTICATED CHILD,
92
00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:48,888
OF COURSE I WANT
TO ELOPE WITH YOU.
93
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,890
BUT EDITH ALSO
FOUND THAT NOTE,
94
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:52,892
AND THOUGHT
IT WAS FOR HER.
95
00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:56,896
THAT IS WHY
SHE IS ON THE TRAIN.
96
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,899
WHAT SORT OF LIFE ARE WE
GOING TO HAVE TOGETHER IN SWITZERLAND,
97
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,401
WITH HER CLIMBING
EVERY MOUNTAIN LOOKING FOR US?
98
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,405
WE COULD DROP A ROCK
ON HER HEAD.
99
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:08,408
NO, THE WHOLE PLAN
HAS GONE WRONG.
100
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:10,910
IF SHE FOUND YOU,
SHE WOULD KILL YOU.
101
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,912
THE TRAIN
IS SLOWING DOWN.
102
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,914
YOU MUST JUMP.
103
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:20,920
RENE, I DO NOT
WANT TO JUMP.
104
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,928
THE GROUND
IS SO HARD.
105
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,931
WE ARE ALONGSIDE A RIVER.
106
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,433
BUT I LOVE YOU!
107
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,436
AND I LOVE YOU TOO.
108
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:38,438
OH, I CANNOT BEAR
TO PART LIKE THIS.
109
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,441
GO QUICKLY
AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.
110
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,944
I CANNOT DO IT.
111
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,445
Edith:
RENE,
112
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,947
RENE.
113
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,449
- YES, YOU CAN.
- AARGHH! RENE!!!
114
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:56,956
RENE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
115
00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:59,959
JUST GETTING A BREATH
OF FRESH AIR, MY LOVE.
116
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:04,464
YOU GO BACK TO THE BUNK
117
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:05,465
AND WAIT FOR ME,
MY DEAR.
118
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,468
OH RENE,
YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE.
119
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:11,971
YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE
TO BE TANTALIZED.
120
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,482
NOW WHERE IS
THE RESERVATION PLAN?
121
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:27,486
THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT,
122
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,989
MONSIEUR YOOP HOOP DEHOOP.
123
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:31,490
THAT WILL BE THE ONE.
124
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,493
COMPARTMENT 12B.
125
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OOH, HERE YOU ARE.
126
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:44,504
HAVE YOU FOUND HIM?
127
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,506
HE IS IN COMPARTMENT 12B.
128
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:51,010
I AM PREPARING FOR HIM
THE DRUGGED COFFEE.
129
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,012
LOOK OUT. THE STEWARDS
ARE RETURNING.
130
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,522
HE IS NOT IN
THE FORWARD CARRIAGES.
131
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:05,024
WE MUST NOW SEARCH
THE REST OF THE TRAIN.
132
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,027
SOME UNAUTHORIZED PERSON
133
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,029
HAS POURED OUT COFFEE.
134
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,031
WASTE NOT, WANT NOT.
135
00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:22,541
NOW LET US SEARCH.
136
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,550
HERE IS 12B.
137
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,552
GET INTO CONVERSATION
WITH HIM.
138
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,053
I WILL BRING THE COFFEE.
139
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:41,060
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
YOU ARE LAGGING BEHIND.
140
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,561
MY HEAD IS SPINNING.
141
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:50,569
YOU SEARCH
THIS COMPARTMENT,
142
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:52,071
I WILL SEARCH
THIS ONE.
143
00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:55,074
I WILL TRY,
BUT MY LEGS ARE WOBBLY.
144
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,076
Flick:
THE GESTAPO
145
00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,078
DO NOT HAVE
WOBBLY LEGS.
146
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,082
I AM THE SLEEPING CAR
ATTENDANT,
147
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,583
TAKING ORDERS FOR COFFEE.
148
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,586
DO ANY OF YOU WANT COFFEE?
149
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:10,089
IS THERE ANYBODY HERE?
150
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:13,092
A NUN--
151
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,097
ANOTHER NUN!
152
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,602
WHO IS IT IN THIS BUNK?
153
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,605
( Gruber disguising voice )
I AM A VERY OLD NUN--
154
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,107
GO AWAY.
155
00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,609
I AM SORRY OLD NUN.
156
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,612
I WILL NOT TROUBLE YOU
ANY FURTHER.
157
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:47,627
Colonel:
HELGA, GRUBER,
158
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,629
WHERE ARE YOU?
159
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,632
OH MY GOD, THE COLONEL!
160
00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:57,136
Edith:
RENE, RENE--
161
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,138
I'M GETTING IMPATIENT.
162
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,640
I HAVE BEEN TANTALIZED
LONG ENOUGH.
163
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,656
RENE.
164
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:21,160
HOW DID YOU KNOW
I WAS HERE?
165
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,164
HMMM?
166
00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:26,665
HELGA, WHERE ARE YOU?
167
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,668
HELGA?
168
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:32,672
AH, THE KEY!
169
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,674
WELL DONE.
170
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,679
I WILL TAKE THAT.
171
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,682
AT LEAST I WOULD,
172
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:46,185
WERE I NOT ABOUT
TO BECOME UNCONSCIOUS.
173
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:03,702
RENE!
174
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,706
YVETTE, HOW DID
YOU GET HERE?
175
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:09,208
IT WAS NOT EASY
WITHOUT A TICKET.
176
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,210
MONSIEUR LECLERC GOT
THE NOTES IN A MUDDLE.
177
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,212
BUT I MANAGED
TO CATCH THE TRAIN,
178
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:14,713
AND I HAVE BEEN
SEARCHING FOR YOU
179
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:15,715
EVER SINCE.
180
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,717
I HAVE BAD NEWS.
181
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,719
EDITH IS ON BOARD,
182
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,220
BUT DO NOT WORRY,
183
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,222
I-- I STILL
HAVE THE GOLD.
184
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,724
OH, RENE, HOLD ME,
185
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,226
CRUSH ME TO YOU.
186
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,728
NO, THERE IS NO TIME
FOR ALL THAT.
187
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,731
QUICK, HIDE IN A BUNK.
188
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,233
PSST,
189
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,235
IT IS I, LECLERC.
190
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,737
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
YOU BUNGLING IDIOT?
191
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,740
I HAVE FOR YOU,
192
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,241
A MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE,
193
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,743
ABOUT THE EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
194
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:47,747
WHAT ABOUT THE EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS?
195
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:51,250
TWO OF THEM ARE TO BE DROPPED
DOWN THE FUNNEL OF THE ENGINE,
196
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:52,751
WHEN WE GO UNDER THE BRIDGE
197
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,253
AT ABBEVILLE.
198
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:56,755
OH MY GOD!
WHAT TIME ARE WE DUE THERE?
199
00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:58,257
LET'S SEE,
200
00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,258
THREE MINUTES AGO.
201
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,759
WE ARE RUNNING LATE.
202
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,762
Edith:
RENE.
203
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,263
QUICK.
IT IS EDITH, HIDE.
204
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:06,265
- I WILL HIDE HER.
- OH!
205
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,270
RENE,
OH, RENE.
206
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,272
I CAN WAIT
NO LONGER.
207
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,774
EDITH, HOLD ON.
THERE IS GOING TO BE A BIG BANG.
208
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:17,276
I KNOW,
BUT WHEN?
209
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,778
( brakes squeal; people scream )
210
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:39,799
YOU CAN ALL
GO AWAY.
211
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:42,301
I AM NOT OPENING
UNTIL 12:00.
212
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:45,805
"HEADLINE NEWS,
213
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:48,808
GENEVA EXPRESS BLOWN UP
BY CHRISTMAS PUDDING."
214
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,314
IT WAS A NIGHT
I SHALL NEVER FORGET,
215
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:57,316
AND WHAT AN ANTICLIMAX.
216
00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:58,817
HERE WAS I,
HOPING TO ELOPE
217
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,820
TO SWITZERLAND
WITH THE LOVELY YVETTE.
218
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,822
AND WHERE DO I FIND MYSELF?
219
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:04,824
3:00 IN THE MORNING,
RETURNING HOME WITH MY WIFE,
220
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,826
ON THE BACK OF A FISH LORRY.
221
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,829
WELL, FORTUNATELY,
EDITH STILL DOES NOT KNOW
222
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,331
THAT YVETTE WAS ON THE TRAIN.
223
00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:15,334
HOW THE POOR CHILD WILL
GET HOME, I HAVE NO IDEA.
224
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:16,835
SHE HAS NO MONEY.
225
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:19,338
AT THIS MOMENT
SHE IS PROBABLY
226
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,840
TRAMPING ACROSS A PLOWED FIELD
IN HER HIGH HEELS.
227
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,843
RENE-EEE!
228
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:31,350
- YVETTE?!
- OH, RENE,
229
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:34,353
ALL THE WAY FROM ABBEVILLE
ON ROLLER SKATES.
230
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,357
YVETTE, THANK HEAVENS
YOU ARE SAFE.
231
00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:40,359
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?
HAVE YOU SEEN MONSIEUR LECLERC?
232
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:41,860
HE, TOO,
HAS ROLLER SKATES.
233
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:42,862
WHERE IS HE?
234
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:44,864
OH, JUST OUTSIDE NOUVION,
235
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:47,366
HE BROKE THE BALLS
OF HIS BEARINGS.
236
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:53,872
RENE, CAN WE ELOPE
AGAIN TOMORROW?
237
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:57,376
I THINK I WILL HAVE
TO REST UP A BIT.
238
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,378
OH, RENE, HOLD ME,
239
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:02,381
CRUSH ME TO YOU.
240
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:03,382
( growling )
241
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:06,885
- RENE!
- OOOH!
242
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,388
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND THAT GIRL?
243
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:12,891
YOU STUPID WOMAN!
244
00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:16,395
CAN YOU NOT SEE
245
00:13:16,395 --> 00:13:18,897
THAT SHE IS UPSET
BECAUSE YOU AND I
246
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,900
DID NOT SUCCEED
IN ELOPING TOGETHER.
247
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,402
SHE HAD IN HER MIND
ONLY OUR HAPPINESS.
248
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:26,405
WHY IS SHE WEARING
ROLLER SKATES?
249
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,909
WE ARE HER FAMILY.
250
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,913
IF WE HAD GONE, WHAT WOULD
SHE HAVE HAD LEFT?
251
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:36,415
SHE WAS SKATING
TO THE ORPHANAGE,
252
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:41,420
THE ONLY PLACE WHERE
SHE KNOWS TRUE HAPPINESS.
253
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:43,922
ON THE WAY THERE,
SHE SAW THOSE HEADLINES.
254
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:45,424
BUT SHE HAS A MOTHER.
255
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:46,925
WHY WAS SHE
IN AN ORPHANAGE?
256
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,928
SHE WAS
A DIFFICULT CHILD,
257
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,430
SHE CAME
FROM A BROKEN HOME--
258
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:53,932
HER MOTHER USED TO LIVE
WITH A GREENGROCER.
259
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:56,435
HE USED TO BEAT HER DAILY
WITH LONG GREEN BEANS.
260
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,438
RENE, DO NOT
REVEAL ANY MORE.
261
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,440
OH, THE POOR CHILD.
262
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,442
SKATE INTO THE KITCHEN,
263
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:04,943
I WILL GET YOU SOME SOUP.
264
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:08,948
RENE!
265
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,449
MY GOD, THE GOLD.
266
00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:11,450
WHAT IS THE MATTER?
267
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:13,452
I THOUGHT I WOULD BE
IN SWITZERLAND
268
00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:15,454
BY THE TIME THE GENERAL
DISCOVERED THAT IT HAD GONE.
269
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,456
NOW I AM IN NOUVION.
WE COULD ALL BE SHOT.
270
00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:19,458
- I MUST GO AND PUT IT BACK.
- PUT IT BACK WHERE?
271
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:20,959
BACK WITH THE REST
OF THE GOLD!
272
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,461
IN THE SAFE
IN THE POLICE STATION.
273
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:23,962
NO, KEEP IT.
274
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:25,464
WE WILL ELOPE AGAIN TONIGHT.
275
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:27,966
TONIGHT COULD BE TOO LATE.
NOW COULD BE TOO LATE.
276
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,468
NO, NO, I MUST GO
277
00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:30,969
AND TALK TO
THAT IDIOT CRABTREE.
278
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,972
GOOD MOANING.
279
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,475
FOR ONCE I AM GLAD
TO SEE YOU.
280
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:37,976
I NEED THE KEY
TO YOUR SAFE.
281
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:38,978
WHY?
282
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:41,480
I PINCHED FOUR BARS
OF THE GENERAL'S GOLD.
283
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,483
I KNOW.
I SPITTED YOU TOKING IT.
284
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:47,986
WHEN THE GENERAL FINDS OUT,
HE COULD SHOOT HALF OF NOUVION.
285
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:49,989
DO NOT WIRRY.
286
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,991
I HAVE SQUOOZED
INTO THE LOCK,
287
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:55,494
HARD SITTING GLUE.
288
00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:58,497
IF HE CANNOT OPEN IT,
HE WILL NOT KNEE THAT IT IS GINE.
289
00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,999
HERE IS THE TIMETABLE.
290
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,502
WE WILL LEAVE
BY THE NEXT TRAIN.
291
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:06,004
THERE ARE NO TROONS.
292
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:09,008
THE ONE THAT WAS DEROOLED
BY THE CHRISTMAS PIDDING
293
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:12,511
IS STILL
BLICKING THE LOON.
294
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:15,013
THIS IS NOT MY DAY.
295
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,516
RENE, LET US
BLOW OPEN THE SAFE.
296
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,518
EDITH, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
297
00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,019
WE HAVE
IN OUR CELLAR
298
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,022
EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
299
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:25,024
WE COULD SQUASH ONE
WELL INTO THE LOCK,
300
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,026
LIGHT THE FUSE
AND STAND WELL BACK.
301
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,528
AND HOW WILL WE KNOW HOW MUCH
CHRISTMAS PUDDING TO USE?
302
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:32,030
WELL, WE CAN START
WITH FOUR TABLESPOONSFUL
303
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,532
AND WORK UP FROM THERE.
304
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,036
BY THE TIME THEY
HAVE CLEARED THE LINE
305
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,038
YOU AND I
CAN ELOPE TOGETHER
306
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,040
WITH ALL THE GOLD.
307
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,542
COME, LET US PICK A PUDDING.
308
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,545
SHE IS MONEY MAD.
309
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:51,050
HE MEANS MINNEY MOD.
310
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:57,189
Colonel:
WE HAVE ALL HAD A VERY NARROW ESCAPE
311
00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:59,691
BUT WE'VE ACHIEVED
OUR OBJECTIVE,
312
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,194
AND THE PAINTINGS,
IN ALL THEIR GLORY,
313
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:04,196
ARE IN
OUR POSSESSION,
314
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:07,199
AND SAFELY RESTING
IN THE BODY OF THE STATUE.
315
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:09,201
THE FORGERIES WHICH
I PUT IN THEIR PLACE,
316
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:11,703
WILL NO DOUBT BE
RECOVERED IN DUE COURSE.
317
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,706
I HAVE TO REPORT
THAT THE FORGERIES
318
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,708
HAVE ALREADY
BEEN RECOVERED
319
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,709
BY HERR FLICK,
320
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,210
WHO HAS PUT IN THEIR PLACE
321
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:20,212
TWO OTHER FORGERIES.
322
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,216
YES, YES.
THERE'S AN ALMOST
323
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,218
POETIC BEAUTY
TO THIS SITUATION.
324
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,222
CONCEALED IN
THIS BEAUTIFUL STATUE
325
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,224
WE HAVE THE ORIGINAL
MASTERPIECES.
326
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:36,228
HERR FLICK THINKS THAT HE HAS
THE ORIGINAL MASTERPIECES,
327
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:39,231
AND THE GENERAL HAS THE GOLD
FROM THE SWEDISH ART EXPERT,
328
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:41,733
WHO BELIEVES THAT HE
BOUGHT THE MASTERPIECES.
329
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,737
AND RENE DOES NOT KNOW
ABOUT OUR OPERATION,
330
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,239
SO HE DOES NOT GET HIS CUT.
331
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,742
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.
332
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:57,249
- HEIL HITLER.
- All: HEIL HITLER.
333
00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:59,251
GRUBER, I HAVE
A TASK FOR YOU.
334
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,753
I PUT SOME
NOT VERY IMPORTANT PAPERS
335
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,756
IN THE SAFE
IN THE POLICE STATION.
336
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,258
UNFORTUNATELY,
SOME PRACTICAL JOKER
337
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:09,261
HAS GUMMED UP THE LOCK
SO I CAN'T USE THE KEY.
338
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:11,263
I WISH YOU, THEREFORE,
TO TAKE YOUR TANK
339
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,265
AND TRANSFER IT
TO MY CHATEAU,
340
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:15,767
WHERE THE UNIMPORTANT PAPERS
WILL BE SAFE.
341
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,770
VERY GOOD,
GENERAL.
342
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,772
Colonel:
WILL THAT BE ALL?
343
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,774
NO.
344
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,275
THIS STATUE.
345
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,776
WHAT STATUE?
346
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,782
I LIKE IT.
347
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,784
IT WOULD LOOK RATHER NICE
IN MY CHATEAU.
348
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,787
REALLY IT'S SUCH A CHEAP
AND UGLY THING.
349
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,790
ARE YOU QUESTIONING
MY TASTE?
350
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:38,791
I WILL TAKE IT.
351
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,793
COULD WE... PERHAPS...
352
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,795
DELIVER IT FOR YOU?
353
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,297
NO, I WILL TAKE IT NOW.
354
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:47,799
GUARDS,
PUT THIS STATUE IN MY CAR.
355
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:48,801
HEIL HITLER.
356
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,302
HEIL HITLER.
357
00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:58,310
ALL RIGHT,
THERE IS THE SAFE.
358
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,315
EDITH, BE CAREFUL!
359
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:06,318
I WILL WITCH
OUT OF THE WANDOW.
360
00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:09,321
IF ANYONE COMES THIS WOO,
361
00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:11,823
I WILL GIVE YOU TWO WONKS.
362
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,833
Bertorelli:
MAKE THE ATTENTION!
363
00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:25,837
I SAID, MAKE THE ATTENTION.
YOU PUT THE LEGS TOGETHER,
364
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,339
YOU MAKE THE SPINE STRAIGHT.
365
00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:30,342
NO SMOKE THE FAG
WHEN YOU MAKE THE ATTENTION!
366
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,345
SLOPE THE ARMS.
367
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,352
BEFORE THE OFFICER.
368
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,354
PRESENT THE ARMS.
369
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,861
WHAT YOU THINK
OF THEM, EH?
370
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:53,365
I SUSPECT THEY HAVE
NEVER DONE IT BETTER.
371
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,369
I WONDER IF YOU
COULD ASSIST ME?
372
00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:58,870
I HAVE TO REMOVE A HEAVY SAFE,
373
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,873
FROM THE POLICE STATION,
374
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,374
ONTO THE BACK
OF MY LITTLE TANK.
375
00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:04,376
DO YOU HAVE FOUR STRONG MEN?
376
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:06,878
HELP YOURSELF.
377
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,380
YOU ASK THEM.
378
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,382
PAY ATTENTION.
379
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:12,384
( men growl )
380
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:13,885
SETTLE DOWN.
381
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,388
I AM LOOKING FOR
FOUR STRONG MEN.
382
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:18,890
YOU BET YOUR LIFE
YOU ARE!
383
00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:25,363
EDITH,
DO NOT PUSH SO HARD.
384
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,366
THIS IS A HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE
CHRISTMAS PUDDING
385
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:28,367
WE HAVE HERE.
386
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,369
IT IS A VERY BIG LOCK.
387
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:32,871
I HAVE USED HALF
THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING ALREADY.
388
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:34,372
I AM SURE THAT IS ENOUGH.
389
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:35,874
WHERE IS THE FUSE?
390
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:37,375
IT IS HERE,
391
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,378
IT IS DISGUISED AS HOLLY.
392
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:42,881
NOW, LIGHT IT.
393
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,382
ALL RIGHT.
394
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:49,388
LET US TAKE COVER,
QUICK.
395
00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:52,391
DO NOT PANIC.
396
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,393
IT IS
A TWO MINUTE FUSE.
397
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:55,894
WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.
398
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,400
PSST!
399
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,403
CAN YOU NOT
SEE ME WONKING?
400
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,407
NOW WHAT IS THE MATTER?!
401
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,410
LIEUTENANT GRUBER
402
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,412
IS HERE IN HIS TONK.
403
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:14,413
OH MY GOD!
404
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,415
QUICK, PUT IT OUT,
PUT IT OUT.
405
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,420
I CANNOT!
IT IS BURNING INSIDE.
406
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,921
OH MY GOD.
407
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,923
QUICK, LET US GO
OUT THE BACK WAY.
408
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:26,424
IT MUST HAVE GONE OUT.
409
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,427
I CAN NO LONGER
HEAR IT FIZZING.
410
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:36,434
RENE?
411
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:39,938
I KEEP MEETING YOU
412
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:41,439
IN THE MOST
UNEXPECTED PLACES.
413
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,943
UM... WE WERE JUST
REPORTING A MISSING HEN.
414
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:50,949
ON THE ORDERS OF
GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
415
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:52,951
I AM REQUISITIONING
THIS SAFE.
416
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,953
WHERE IS IT GOING?
417
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,455
TO THE GENERAL'S QUARTERS
AT THE CHATEAU.
418
00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:01,460
MEN, TAKE IT OUT THROUGH
THE BACK PASSAGE.
419
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,462
YOU CANNOT TICK IT
420
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:05,464
UNLESS I HAVE
A SOGNITURE.
421
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:06,965
HERE IS THE ORDER.
422
00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:08,967
PUT IT INTO THE TANK, MEN.
423
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:11,970
OH, RENE,
424
00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:14,973
I, UH... I HAVE
LONG PROMISED YOU
425
00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,474
A SPIN
IN MY LITTLE TANK.
426
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:18,477
WOULD YOU CARE
TO ACCOMPANY ME
427
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:19,978
TO THE CHATEAU?
428
00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:23,481
WELL, THAT IS A VERY KIND
THOUGHT, LIEUTENANT.
429
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,484
WHAT IF THE FUSE
HAS NOT GONE OUT?
430
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,986
BUT THIS TIME,
I WILL GIVE IT A MISS,
431
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:29,988
IF THAT IS
ALL THE SAME TO YOU.
432
00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:32,991
ME, I HAVE NEVER BEEN
IN THE GERMAN TANK.
433
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:34,993
I TRAVEL WITH YOU.
434
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:38,997
LIEUTENANT,
PERHAPS THE CAPTAIN COULD DRIVE YOUR TANK
435
00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:41,499
WHILE YOU CAME
AND HAD A DRINK WITH ME?
436
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,502
OH, AN INVITATION
437
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:46,004
I CANNOT REFUSE.
438
00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:48,006
THE SAFE IS LOADED,
CAPITANO.
439
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:50,008
GOOD, WE COME.
440
00:21:55,013 --> 00:21:56,514
RIGHT,
MOVE YOUR BUTTS.
441
00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:00,519
RENE,
442
00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:03,021
I THINK WE SHOULD NOT
BE SEEN WALKING TOGETHER.
443
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,522
I WILL GO AHEAD.
444
00:22:04,523 --> 00:22:06,024
I WILL FOLLOW.
445
00:22:10,028 --> 00:22:11,029
SHOO!
446
00:22:20,038 --> 00:22:21,539
HEY!
447
00:22:21,540 --> 00:22:23,542
IT'S NICE, EH?
448
00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:25,544
YOU WATCH AS YOUR CAPITANO
449
00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:27,045
GO OFF IN CLOUD OF SMOKE, EH?
450
00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:29,047
CIAO.
451
00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:32,551
DO NOT GIVE IT
TOO MUCH THROTTLE,
452
00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:34,553
OR YOU WILL GET
A LITTLE BACKFIRE.
453
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:35,554
( engine starts )
454
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,084
I--
455
00:23:08,086 --> 00:23:10,588
I GIVE HIM
TOO MUCH THROTTLE.
456
00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:20,098
( theme music playing )