1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:06,072 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:35,602 IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FOLLOWING EVENTS VERY CLOSELY, 3 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,604 YOU MIGHT THINK THAT THESE ARTICLES 4 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,105 THAT I AM PACKING INTO WINE CRATES, 5 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,606 ARE CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 6 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,610 IF THEY WERE, I WOULD NOT BE HANDLING THEM SO GINGERLY 7 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:46,613 AT HALF PAST 1:00 IN THE MORNING. 8 00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,115 THESE THINGS ARE, IN FACT, 9 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,617 MANUFACTURED FROM HIGH EXPLOSIVES, 10 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:53,620 TAKEN FROM TWO GERMAN LAND MINES. 11 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:56,122 BEFORE LONG, NO DOUBT, THE MEMBERS OF THE RESISTANCE 12 00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:58,624 WILL BE STANDING ON RAILWAY BRIDGES, 13 00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,627 LIGHTING THESE PRICKLY FUSES, 14 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,629 AND THROWING THE WHOLE THING DOWN THE FUNNEL 15 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:05,131 OF SOME PASSING, FAST MOVING, EXPRESS TRAIN, 16 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,633 WHICH EXPLAINS WHY OUR RAILWAYS 17 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,637 ARE NOT RUNNING TO TIME THESE DAYS. 18 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,139 THE TWO LAND MINES THAT I MENTIONED, 19 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,641 ARE NOW EMPTY OF DYNAMITE, 20 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:18,144 AND WILL SHORTLY BE FILLED WITH TWO BRITISH AIRMEN, 21 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,146 WHO ARE HIDING NEARBY. 22 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,647 CAN YOU GUESS WHERE? 23 00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:26,152 - HELLO. - HELLO. 24 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,656 Yvette: RENE, RENE. 25 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,159 THAT IS YVETTE, ONE OF MY WAITRESSES. 26 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:35,661 NATURALLY, SHE CANNOT KEEP HER HANDS OFF ME, 27 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,664 ALTHOUGH I DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER. 28 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,165 I AM DOWN HERE, MY SWEET. 29 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:44,170 OH, RENE, I COULD NOT SLEEP. 30 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,172 I WAS HAVING A NIBBLE IN THE LARDER, 31 00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,174 AMONGST THE KNOCKWURST SAUSAGES 32 00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:50,176 AND SUDDENLY, I THOUGHT OF YOU. 33 00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:55,181 YVETTE, YOU MUST NOT 34 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:57,183 LET YOUR MIND DWELL ON ME. 35 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,685 AFTER ALL, I AM NEARLY 20 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU ARE. 36 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,188 WHEN I AM 90, YOU WILL STILL ONLY BE 70. 37 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:05,191 I WILL STILL FEEL THE SAME. 38 00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,193 NOT TO ME, YOU WON'T. 39 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:13,199 OH, RENE, HOLD ME FOR ONE BRIEF MOMENT. 40 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,701 CRUSH YOUR NIGHTGOWN TO MY NIGHTGOWN. 41 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,707 WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT, I CANNOT SAY NO. 42 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,210 OH, RRR-RENE. 43 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,713 I CAN FEEL THE BOLD EMBROIDERY 44 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,215 OF YOUR NIGHTGOWN 45 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,217 IMPRESSING ITSELF UPON MY BOSOM. 46 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,219 OH, YVETTE, 47 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,721 HAVE YOU ANY IDEA OF THE EXCITEMENT 48 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,223 THAT STIRS WITHIN ME WHEN I CRUSH 49 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,225 YOUR STARCHED LINEN NIGHTDRESS IN MY HAND? 50 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,727 YES, I HAVE. 51 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,232 MY GOD, YOU HAVE LIT THE FUSE. 52 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,736 HOW LONG I HAVE WAITED TO HEAR THOSE WORDS 53 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,238 FROM YOUR SENSUOUS LIPS. 54 00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:59,746 Edith: RENE? 55 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:02,749 RENE-- 56 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,766 RENE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 57 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:23,269 WE VERY NEARLY HAD A BIG BANG IN THE CELLAR. 58 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,276 IT IS NOW ONE HOUR SINCE THE BELL 59 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,278 FELL UPON VON SMALLHAUSEN. 60 00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:35,281 I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED SOME WHIMPERING NOISE FROM HIM. 61 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,283 THERE IS NOT MUCH ROOM 62 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,285 FOR AIR TO BE ADMITTED THROUGH THIS SMALL CRACK, 63 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,287 PERHAPS HE HAS SUFFOCATED. 64 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:43,289 I SEE HIS HAND PROTRUDING. 65 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:44,790 TREAD ON IT. 66 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,292 AARGHH! 67 00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,793 HE'S ALIVE. 68 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,298 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, 69 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,300 HERR VON SMALLHAUSEN? 70 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,302 BONG ONCE FOR YES, 71 00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,803 AND TWICE FOR NO. 72 00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,806 ( one bong ) 73 00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,808 DO YOU WISH 74 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,810 TO HAVE A HAM SANDWICH? 75 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,311 ( one bong ) 76 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:07,313 WITH MUSTARD? 77 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:09,815 ( two bongs ) 78 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,317 HOLD THE MUSTARD. 79 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:18,825 HERR FLICK, THE SANDWICH IS TOO THICK 80 00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,827 TO GO THROUGH THE CRACK. 81 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,328 THEN REMOVE THE HAM. 82 00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,839 HE HAS TAKEN IT. 83 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,841 THE LASHINGS ARE IN PLACE. 84 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,843 ASSIST ME WITH THE PULLING. 85 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,853 HERR FLICK, 86 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,355 DID YOU SEE ANYTHING 87 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,857 WHEN YOU WERE SUSPENDED BY THE CLAPPERS? 88 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,860 DESPITE THE FACT 89 00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,862 THAT MY EYES WERE WATERING 90 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,364 DUE TO THE DRAFT BLOWING THROUGH THE OPEN APERTURE, 91 00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:00,866 I SAW SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS 92 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,369 IN THE BUILDER'S YARD NEXT TO THE CAFE. 93 00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,371 WE WILL INVESTIGATE 94 00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,873 WHEN WE HAVE RELEASED VON SMALLHAUSEN. 95 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,378 HOW ARE YOU FEELING? 96 00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:15,381 I HAVE A VERY SORE HEAD. 97 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,383 THAT IS THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS. 98 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,385 YOU HAVE BEEN SQUASHED WELL BELOW 99 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:20,886 THE MINIMUM HEIGHT REQUIRED 100 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:21,888 FOR MEMBERS OF THE GESTAPO. 101 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,892 LET ME HAVE YOUR RESIGNATION IN THE MORNING. 102 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,666 GOOD MORNING, COLONEL. 103 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,170 GRUBER, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU 104 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,172 TO KNOCK GENTLY BEFORE YOU ENTER? 105 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,673 YOU PUT ME OFF MY SHOT. 106 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,175 SORRY, COLONEL. 107 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,679 NOW, HAVE YOU FOUND THE LAND MINES? 108 00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,681 I HAVE DRIVEN ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE IN MY LITTLE TANK. 109 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,183 THERE IS NOT A WHISPER OF THEM. 110 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,686 THE GENERAL IS NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS. 111 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,189 YOU DO NOT SEEM VERY CONCERNED, COLONEL. 112 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,691 WHY SHOULD I? 113 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,693 I TOLD HIM I DELEGATED THE TASK TO YOU, 114 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,695 AND YOU HAVE FAILED! 115 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,202 COLONEL, I HAVE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS. 116 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,205 IN COMPLIANCE WITH YOUR ORDERS, 117 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,706 I HAVE BEEN SPYING ON HERR FLICK. 118 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,708 AS A RESULT, I CAN TELL YOU HE BELIEVES 119 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,710 HE KNOWS THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE MISSING LAND MINES. 120 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,212 WELL DONE, HELGA. WHERE ARE THEY? 121 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,216 IN THE BUILDERS' YARD ADJACENT TO RENE'S CAFE. 122 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,219 GOOD. I WILL CONVEY THIS TO THE GENERAL. 123 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,222 NO, I WILL CONVEY THIS TO THE GENERAL. 124 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,724 BUT YOU DELEGATED ME TO FIND THE LAND MINES. 125 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,225 I CONVEY THE GOOD NEWS. 126 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,229 JUNIOR OFFICERS CONVEY THE BAD NEWS. 127 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,731 ( door opens ) 128 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,736 MIMI, HAVE YOU NOT FINISHED WRITING THOSE MENUS OUT YET? 129 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,738 IT TAKES A LONG TIME, RENE. 130 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,741 I'M USING MY VERY BEST JOINED-UP HANDWRITING, 131 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,243 AND EVERY TIME I LOOK UP AND SEE YOU, 132 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,246 I GO ALL WOBBLY. 133 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,749 IT IS ONLY TO BE EXPECTED. 134 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:58,751 IF I DID NOT CONTROL MY CHARISMA, 135 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,253 THERE WOULD BE NO WORK DONE ROUND HERE AT ALL. 136 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:06,258 YOU DO NOT HAVE FOUR F's IN STROGANOFF. 137 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,763 MIMI, GO AT ONCE INTO THE KITCHEN. 138 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,765 PEEL THE POTATOES, SCRUB THE FLOOR, 139 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,767 AND WASH UP ALL THOSE DIRTY PANS. 140 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,268 WHAT ABOUT MY HANDS? 141 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,770 WASH THOSE, AS WELL. 142 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,275 UH, WH-- WHAT IS THE MATTER, EDITH? 143 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,279 I WANTED TO SEE YOU ALONE, RENE. 144 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,780 OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE NOW? 145 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,782 YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING, RENE. 146 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,784 YOU HAVE JUST BEEN YOUR BRAVE, 147 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,285 LONG-SUFFERING SELF, 148 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,787 AND I HAVE NOT BEEN WORTHY OF YOU. 149 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,291 I BEHAVE LIKE A JEALOUS YOUNG GIRL 150 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,793 EVERY TIME I SEE ANOTHER WOMAN COME NEAR YOU. 151 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,295 YET ALL THE WHILE, I KNOW THAT YOU ARE FAITHFUL 152 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,298 AND HAVE EYES ONLY FOR ME. 153 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,303 AND TO THINK, LAST NIGHT, 154 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,305 YOU WERE RISKING YOUR LIFE 155 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,307 BEING BLOWN UP BY AN EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDING. 156 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,310 AND THE ONLY THOUGHT THAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND-- 157 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,313 INSTEAD OF ADMIRING YOUR BRAVERY-- WAS, 158 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,316 "IS HE KNOCKING UP THAT BARMAID?" 159 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,819 OH, EDITH, 160 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,321 WHAT A TREASURE I HAVE IN YOU. 161 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,325 I LOOK AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL YOUNG FACE, 162 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,328 HIDDEN BY ALL THOSE CAREWORN LINES, 163 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,831 MY HEART MISSES A BEAT. 164 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,834 OH, RENE, DO YOU STILL FEEL 165 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,836 THE SAME SURGE OF EXCITEMENT 166 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,838 AS YOU DID ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF OUR HONEYMOON? 167 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,840 YOU MEAN WHEN THE HOTEL CAUGHT FIRE? 168 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,844 YOU WERE WONDERFUL. 169 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,846 YOU CARRIED ME, UNCONSCIOUS, 170 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,348 TO SAFETY IN YOUR ARMS. 171 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,351 I COULD NOT GET YOUR WEDDING RING OFF. 172 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,855 ALWAYS THE JOKER, 173 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:46,358 ALWAYS TRYING TO HIDE YOUR TRUE FEELINGS. 174 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,361 IT IS NOT EASY, EDITH. 175 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,364 OH, GO AWAY, WE ARE NOT YET OPEN. 176 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,366 WE MUST LET HER IN. 177 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,369 IT MAY BE VITALLY IMPORTANT. 178 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,371 THANK YOU. 179 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,372 ALL RIGHT, WE ARE LISTENING 180 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,874 VERY CAREFULLY, SO GET ON WITH IT. 181 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,379 THE LAND MINES WILL BE TRANSPORTED 182 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,880 TO THE WAREHOUSE TONIGHT. 183 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,382 MAKE SURE THE AIRMEN ARE INSIDE BY 1800 HOURS. 184 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,884 I CANNOT WAIT TO GET RID OF THEM. 185 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,386 OH, AND I NEED TWO CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS, 186 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,390 TO DROP DOWN THE FUNNEL OF THE 12:30 EXPRESS. 187 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,392 WHAT DID I TELL YOU? 188 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,906 AS I THOUGHT, THE MISSING LAND MINES. 189 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,408 SOMEBODY HAS TAMPERED WITH IT, HERR FLICK. 190 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,411 LOOK INSIDE. FOR ONCE, VON SMALLHAUSEN, 191 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,413 I BELIEVE YOU MAY BE RIGHT. 192 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,923 THE EXPLOSIVE SUBSTANCE 193 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,925 HAS BEEN REMOVED. 194 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,426 IN ITS PLACE, 195 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,429 I SEE A PARACHUTE. 196 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,930 WHAT IS YOUR CONCLUSION? 197 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:01,433 SOMEBODY HAS PUT IT THERE, HERR FLICK. 198 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,439 WE WILL OCCUPY THESE EMPTY LAND MINES. 199 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,442 IT IS MY OPINION THAT UNDER COVER OF THE DARKNESS, 200 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,444 THE RESISTANCE WILL TRANSPORT THEM 201 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,446 TO THEIR SECRET HEADQUARTERS. 202 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,947 AS SOON AS WE HEAR 203 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,449 SOMEBODY SPEAKING IN THE FRENCH TONGUE, 204 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,952 WE WILL LEAP OUT, SUBDUE THEM, ARREST THEM, 205 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,454 AND MARCH THEM TO GESTAPO HOUSE. 206 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,957 WE ARE VERY BRAVE, ARE WE NOT, HERR FLICK? 207 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,959 WE ARE MAD AS HATTERS. 208 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,963 BUT THAT IS THE GESTAPO FOR YOU. 209 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,464 INTO ACTION. 210 00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,204 C'MON, GO, GO! 211 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,207 GET A MOVE, YOU! 212 00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,708 SHUT UP, YOU NO GOOD FOR NOTHING. 213 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:47,212 YOU WANNA INVADE THE ENGLAND? 214 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,714 All: Sí, Sí. 215 00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:50,716 IF CAESAR CAN DO IT, 216 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:52,718 WE CAN DO IT. 217 00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,720 THAT'S GOOD. 218 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,223 NOW, TO INVADE ENGLAND, YOU MUST BE FIT. 219 00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,226 I MAKE YOU FIT, 220 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,728 WITH THE MUSCLES LIKE THE IRON. 221 00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:05,230 BEND THE KNEES. 222 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,233 BEND THE KNEES! 223 00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:08,734 DOWN, DOWN, DOWN. 224 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:09,735 ( men groan ) 225 00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,236 KNEES STRAIGHT. 226 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:12,738 ( groaning ) 227 00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:14,740 BEND THE KNEES. 228 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,242 KNEES STRAIGHT. 229 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,744 KNEES BEND, 230 00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,246 KNEES STRAIGHT. 231 00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,249 KNEES-- HEY! 232 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,750 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THESE MEN? 233 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,752 GET ON YOUR FEET. 234 00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:30,756 NOW YOU MAKE THE ARMS AND THE LEGS 235 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,258 JUMP THE STRIDE. 236 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,260 LIKE THIS. 237 00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:38,263 HUPA, HUPA, HUPA. 238 00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,765 NOW IS YOUR TURN. 239 00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:41,266 ARMS AND LEGS STRIDE. 240 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,768 BEGIN. HUPA, HUPA. 241 00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:47,273 ABSOLUTE SHOWER. 242 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,774 IGNORE THEM. 243 00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,284 THE MISSING LAND MINES. 244 00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,286 WELL DONE, HELGA. 245 00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,291 NOW THAT WE HAVE FOUND THEM, 246 00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,793 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH THEM? 247 00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,295 WE MUST DELIVER THEM TO THE AIR BASE. 248 00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:12,298 WHAT IF THEY ARE BOOBY-TRAPPED? 249 00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,300 A GOOD POINT, HELGA. 250 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:15,801 YOU ARE WORKING WELL TODAY. 251 00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:20,305 WHY DO WE NOT ORDER 252 00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:22,808 CAPTAIN ALBERTO AND HIS MEN 253 00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,810 TO CARRY OUT THE REMOVAL OPERATION? 254 00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,311 A GOOD IDEA, GRUBER. 255 00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,813 THEN, IF THEY BLOW UP, 256 00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:30,816 IT WILL GET THAT DREADFUL ITALIAN OFF OUR BACKS. 257 00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,819 I'M WORKING VERY WELL TOO. 258 00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:41,326 BREATHE OUT, 259 00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:43,829 BREATHE IN. 260 00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,330 CAPTAIN ALBERTO, 261 00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,333 WE HAVE A LITTLE JOB FOR YOU. 262 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,336 ME, MY MEN, WE IN GREAT CONDITION. WE READY FOR ANYTHING. 263 00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,339 CAPITANO, THE MEN ALL BREATHE IN, 264 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,342 WHEN THEY BREATHE OUT? 265 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,843 YOU NO MUCK ABOUT. 266 00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,346 WE GOT THE JOB TO DO. 267 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,848 MAKE THE LISTENING GOOD. OKAY, COLONEL, 268 00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,850 TELL THE BOYS. 269 00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,852 GRUBER, YOU TELL THEM. 270 00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,356 MY NAME IS LIEUTENANT GRUBER. 271 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,857 HEY, NICE BOOTS, EH? 272 00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,358 HE'S A PRETTY BOY. 273 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,361 I WANT THAT MAN'S NAME. 274 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,363 I BET YOU DO. 275 00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,366 GET ON WITH IT, GRUBER. 276 00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:29,374 WE HAVE FOUND THE MISSING LAND MINES. 277 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:30,876 WE WANT YOU 278 00:13:30,876 --> 00:13:32,878 TO PUT THEM ON YOUR TRUCK, 279 00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,880 AND TAKE THEM 280 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,381 TO THE GERMAN AIR FORCE BASE. 281 00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,883 IS A PIECE OF CAKE, NO? 282 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:39,885 - NO PROBLEM. - WHERE THEY SITTING? 283 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,887 WALK THIS WAY. 284 00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,896 THERE THEY ARE. 285 00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:55,901 OH, NICE LAND MINES, EH, BOYS? 286 00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,404 NOW REMEMBER, 287 00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,406 THEY ARE FULL OF HIGH EXPLOSIVES. 288 00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:01,907 ONE CLUMSY MOVE 289 00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,409 AND THEY WILL GO OFF-- BANG! 290 00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,911 Soldier: OH, HECK. 291 00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:12,417 HEY, COME BACK, YOU YELLOW SCUMBAGS. 292 00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,787 EDITH, 293 00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,789 AWWW! 294 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,290 WILL NO ONE HEAR THE CRIES 295 00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:21,293 OF A STARVING OLD WOMAN? 296 00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,295 EDITH! 297 00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,297 IT IS ALL RIGHT, MAMMA. 298 00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:27,799 I HAVE BROUGHT FOR YOU, YOUR LUNCH. 299 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,302 GOOD. WHAT IS IT? 300 00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,304 PRUNE AND ONION SOUP. 301 00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,306 OH. 302 00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:37,309 PRUNE AND ONION SOUP? 303 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,810 WHAT IS TO FOLLOW? 304 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,313 DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. 305 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,320 WHY CAN I NOT HAVE 306 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,322 SOME GOOD RED MEAT? 307 00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:52,824 YVETTE GAVE IT TO THE BRITISH AIRMEN. 308 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,326 BRITISH AIRMEN. 309 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:55,827 ( spits ) 310 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,830 MAMMA, 311 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,331 WHAT IS THE MATTER? 312 00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:01,333 WHAT HAVE THE BRITISH 313 00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:03,335 EVER DONE FOR US, EH? 314 00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:05,837 LOOK AT AGINCOURT. 315 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,339 TRUE. 316 00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:09,341 AND WHAT DID THEY DO 317 00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:10,842 TO NAPOLEON?! 318 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,845 VERY TRUE. 319 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,847 AND WHAT ABOUT 320 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,348 SIR PERCY BLAKENEY? 321 00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:17,849 WHO? 322 00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:20,852 OH, EDITH. 323 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:22,855 THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL. 324 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,857 JUST AS WE, 325 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,359 THE WORKERS, HAD OUR HANDS 326 00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:29,861 ON THE CURSED ARISTOCRATS, 327 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,864 HE CAME AND RESCUED THEM. 328 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,365 MAMMA, 329 00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,867 I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU VOTED CONSERVATIVE? 330 00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:39,871 LOOK AT DUNKIRK. 331 00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:42,374 WHO JUMPED INTO THE BOATS FIRST? 332 00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,376 THE BRITISH. 333 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:45,877 NEVER MIND, MAMMA. 334 00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:48,881 THE AIRMEN WILL BE GONE BY TONIGHT. 335 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,883 - AIRMEN. - ( spits ) 336 00:15:57,389 --> 00:15:59,891 GOOD, YOU ARE BOTH HERE. 337 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:00,893 WE HAVE A PROBLEM. 338 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,895 HOW UNUSUAL. 339 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,897 THE GERMANS HAVE DISCOVERED THE WHEREABOUTS 340 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,899 OF THE LAND MINES AND THEY HAVE TAKEN THEM 341 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:07,900 BACK TO THE AIR FORCE BASE. 342 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,401 LOOK, MICHELLE, I AM NOT KEEPING 343 00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:11,403 THESE BRITISH AIRMEN HERE ONE MOMENT LONGER. 344 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,405 THEY ARE IN THE CELLAR, PACKED IN BARRELS, 345 00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:15,907 NEXT TO THE CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS AND THEY MUST GO TONIGHT. 346 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,410 DO NOT WORRY. ALL IS NOT LOST. 347 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,412 WE HAVE AN AGENT AT THE BASE. 348 00:16:20,412 --> 00:16:21,913 WE KNOW PRECISELY 349 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,415 THE POSITION OF THE LAND MINES. 350 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,419 THEY ARE IN THE LAND MINE STORE. 351 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,924 THE TWO BARRELS CONTAINING THE AIRMEN 352 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,926 WILL BE TRANSPORTED TO THE AIRPORT BASE. 353 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,928 THEY WILL BE ALLOWED IN 354 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,429 AS A CONSIGNMENT OF BEER 355 00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:38,930 FOR THE SERGEANTS' MESS, 356 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,432 WHICH IS BEING SENT WITH YOUR COMPLIMENTS. 357 00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:42,934 ONCE PAST THE GUARDS, 358 00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:43,936 IT WILL BE A SIMPLE MATTER 359 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,938 TO GET THEM INTO THE LAND MINE STORE, 360 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,940 BECAUSE IT IS NEXT TO THE SERGEANTS' MESS. 361 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,442 I HAVE TO HAND IT TO YOU, MICHELLE. 362 00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:52,944 YOU COME UP WITH SOME RIDICULOUS PLANS, 363 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,947 BUT YOU AND YOUR GIRLS 364 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,448 MUST BE VERY, VERY BRAVE TO DO THIS. 365 00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,950 WOMEN ARE NOT ALLOWED IN AT THE BASE. 366 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,453 - YOU ARE GOING. - ME?! 367 00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:03,955 WHY SHOULD-- WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME? 368 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,958 BECAUSE IT IS YOUR BEER. 369 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,459 AH, HA! 370 00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:09,461 BUT IF IT IS HIS BEER, 371 00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:10,962 WHY DO I HAVE TO GO? 372 00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,965 BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO BARRELS. 373 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,967 MICHELLE, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN? 374 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,969 THERE IS THE CURFEW. 375 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,471 YES, THERE'S THE CURFEW. 376 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,473 WE CANNOT GO. 377 00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:22,974 QUITE RIGHT, WE CANNOT GO. 378 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,977 - I JUST TOLD HER THAT. - SHUT UP. 379 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,479 BRITISH AGENT CRABTREE WILL ESCORT YOU, 380 00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:28,980 DISGUISED AS A POLICEMAN. 381 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,482 OH MY-- 382 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:47,999 Fairfax: CARSTAIRS? 383 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,003 WHAT ARE THEY GIVING YOU? 384 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,004 SAUSAGES. 385 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,006 OH, NOT AGAIN. 386 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,508 WE'VE HAD SAUSAGES THREE DAYS. 387 00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:58,009 I THINK IT'S THE ONLY THING 388 00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,511 THAT'LL GO THROUGH THE HOLE. 389 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,018 LISTEN, CHAPS, MICHELLE HERE. 390 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,519 Both: HELLO. 391 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:11,022 WE ARE GOING TO GET YOU INTO THE LAND MINES TONIGHT. 392 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,525 NOW REMEMBER, WHEN THEY DROP YOU OVER ENGLAND, 393 00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:16,528 YOU HAVE EXACTLY 17 SECONDS TO UNSCREW THE HATCHES, 394 00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:19,030 CLIMB OUT, POP ON THE OLD PARACHUTES AND JUMP. 395 00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,532 IS THAT CLEAR? 396 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,534 ( garbled ) ROGER, MESSAGE RECEIVED AND UNDERSTOOD. 397 00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:25,036 CARSTAIRS, DON'T SPEAK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL. 398 00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,183 HALT! 399 00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:39,684 WHAT IS THE PASSWORD? 400 00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:43,188 ON THESE TWO TRILLEYS, 401 00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:45,690 ARE TWO BORRELS OF BOOR 402 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:47,693 FOR THE SERGEANTS' MISS. 403 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,698 THEY ARE A GOFT FROM RONNIE'S CIFFEE. 404 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,200 IF YOU ROOD 405 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,702 THIS HANDWROTTEN NEWT, 406 00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:01,707 ALL WILL BE EXPLONED. 407 00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:05,210 WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? 408 00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:11,216 HE IS FROM THE MOUNTAINS. 409 00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:16,221 THIS IS A PRESENT OF BEER FOR THE SERGEANTS' MESS. 410 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,722 PASS, FRIEND. 411 00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:34,239 HERR FLICK, HERR FLICK! 412 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,241 ( knocking ) 413 00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:40,245 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 414 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,747 IT'S VERY QUIET IN HERE. 415 00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,750 WHERE DO YOU THINK WE ARE? 416 00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,753 IT IS MY BELIEF THAT WE ARE 417 00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:51,256 IN THE SECRET HEADQUARTERS OF THE RESISTANCE. 418 00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:54,259 THEY HAVE STOLEN A LOT OF LAND MINES, HAVE THEY NOT? 419 00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,763 WE WILL REMAIN CONCEALED 420 00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,765 UNTIL WE HEAR VOICES SPEAK WITH A FRENCH TONGUE. 421 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,266 THEN WE WILL LEAP OUT. 422 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,768 IN MY CASE, SLOWLY. 423 00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:06,271 MY HOUSEMAID'S KNEE IS GIVING ME GYP. 424 00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,774 I HEAR SOMEONE APPROACH. 425 00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,276 SCREW YOURSELF DOWN. 426 00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,787 ( doors creak ) 427 00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,297 Barrel #1: ( muffled yell ) 428 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,300 SORRY, SORRY. 429 00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,805 Barrel #2: I SAY, WHAT'S GOING ON-NNN! 430 00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,818 WE MUST QUICKLY FIND WHICH OF THE LAND MINES ARE EMPTY, 431 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:56,321 GET THE AIRMEN INTO THEM AND THEN CLEAR OUT OF HERE, 432 00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:57,822 LIKE BATS OUT OF HELL. 433 00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:59,324 HERE, I HAVE A HAMMER. 434 00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,326 I WILL BANG THE CASINGS 435 00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,827 AND WE CAN TELL WHICH ONES ARE HOLLOW. 436 00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,329 STOP IT, YOU FOOL! 437 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,831 THEY ARE FULL OF EXPLOSIVES. DO YOU WANT TO KILL US ALL? 438 00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:07,833 EXPLOSIVES?! 439 00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:13,338 THE EMPTY WINS HAVE CRISSES ON THEM. 440 00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,342 LOOK, THERE THEY ARE, OVER HERE. 441 00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:19,344 - ( German voices ) - SHHH! 442 00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:20,845 SOMEBODY COMING. 443 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:21,847 QUICK, HIDE! 444 00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:34,359 THOSE ARE THE ONES, OVER THERE. 445 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:35,860 WHERE ARE THEY GOING TONIGHT? 446 00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:38,363 IT IS A SECRET, AS USUAL. 447 00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:47,873 ( sniffing ) 448 00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,374 ( muffled sneeze ) 449 00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:14,900 DIMNATION. 450 00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,902 FILED AT THE 11th EAR. 451 00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:19,904 LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 452 00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:25,911 ( airman moans ) 453 00:22:27,412 --> 00:22:28,913 GUNTER, WE WILL BE OVER THE COAST 454 00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:30,415 ANY MINUTE. 455 00:22:30,415 --> 00:22:32,417 IF WE HAD ANY SENSE, WE WOULD DROP OUR BOMBS 456 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:33,918 IN THE SEA AND TURN AROUND. 457 00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,420 YOU ARE RIGHT. 458 00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,922 WHY DO WE RISK OUR LIVES FOR THIS IDIOT, CARPET CHEWING, 459 00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:39,424 HOUSE PAINTER HITLER? 460 00:22:39,424 --> 00:22:42,427 WE COULD NOT TALK LIKE THIS AT THE AIRBASE, JA? 461 00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,429 THE GESTAPO ARE EVERYWHERE. 462 00:22:44,429 --> 00:22:46,931 BUT HERE WE ARE FREE. 463 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:48,433 WE CAN SAY WHAT WE THINK. 464 00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:50,935 Both: ♪ GOERING IS AN IDIOT ♪ 465 00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:53,438 ♪ GOEBBELS IS A TWIT ♪ 466 00:22:53,438 --> 00:22:55,940 ♪ HIMMLER IS A PAIN IN THE BUM ♪ 467 00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:59,444 ♪ AND HITLER IS A-- ♪ 468 00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:02,947 MY GOD, THE GESTAPO! 469 00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:04,449 YOU ARE NOT SAFE ANYWHERE. 470 00:23:07,452 --> 00:23:09,454 ( theme music playing )