1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:06,572
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,595
YOU FIND ME SAMPLING ONE OR TWO
OF THE LOCAL VINTAGES,
3
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,097
SO THAT I MAY CHOOSE
A HOUSE WINE FOR MY CAFE.
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HMM.
5
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TOO GOOD FOR THE PEASANTS.
6
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( sniffs )
7
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( choking )
8
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TOO BAD FOR THE PEASANTS.
9
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,119
GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE GERMANS.
10
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RENE, HAVE YOU FOUND
A SUITABLE ONE YET?
11
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YES,
THIS ONE WILL DO VERY NICELY.
12
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GO AND PUT A PINT
OF ANTIFREEZE
13
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:06,632
IN THAT BARREL.
14
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,135
RENE, YOU ONCE MORE HAVE
A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
15
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,137
HOW MANY BOTTLES
HAVE YOU TASTED?
16
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OH, NO, IT IS NOT
THE WINE, EDITH.
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00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,641
A GREAT LOAD HAS BEEN
LIFTED FROM MY SHOULDERS.
18
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THE GESTAPO HAVE RECEIVED
BACK THEIR MONEY,
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MONSIEUR LeCLERC IS FREE,
AND THEY ARE NO LONGER
20
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SEARCHING FOR
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE.
21
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,650
SO, FOR THE TIME BEING,
WE ARE AT LIBERTY
22
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,152
TO MAKE AS MUCH MONEY
OUT OF THIS WAR AS WE CAN.
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I WILL DRINK TO THAT.
24
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RENE,
MICHELLE WANTS YOU IN THE BACK ROOM.
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OH HECK.
26
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:34,660
I KNEW IT
COULD NOT LAST.
27
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MICHELLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN THOSE DIRTY OLD OVERALLS?
28
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THE GERMANS
SEEK ME EVERYWHERE.
29
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I AM DISGUISED
AS A BUILDER.
30
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SHOULD THEY FIND ME HERE,
31
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I WILL SAY THAT I AM
REPAIRING YOUR WINDOW.
32
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BUT IT IS NOT BROKEN.
33
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LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY.
34
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WHEN WE STOLE FROM THE GERMANS,
THE LAND MINES,
35
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IN WHICH THE BRITISH AIRMEN
ARE TO ESCAPE,
36
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WE HAD TO REMOVE 1,000 KILOS
OF HIGH EXPLOSIVE.
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YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THIS EXPLOSIVE?
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TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I NEVER GAVE IT A THOUGHT.
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THEN I WILL TELL YOU NOW.
40
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IT IS HIDDEN
IN A PUDDING FACTORY.
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OH, WHAT A GOOD
HIDING PLACE.
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UNFORTUNATELY,
WE HAVE SECRET INFORMATION
43
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THAT THIS FACTORY IS TO BE
COMMANDEERED BY THE GERMANS
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FOR THE MANUFACTURE
OF FROZEN STRUDEL,
45
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WHICH IS TO BE SENT IN FOOD
PARCELS TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT.
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WE WILL PASS
THIS SECRET INFORMATION
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ON TO THE ENGLISH
TONIGHT ON THE RADIO.
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WE MUST NOT LET THE EXPLOSIVE
FALL INTO GERMAN HANDS.
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WE HAVE THEREFORE ARRANGED
50
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FOR IT TO BE DELIVERED
TO YOUR CAFE.
51
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,732
NOW LISTEN!
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WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE
1,000 KILOS OF HIGH EXPLOSIVE?
53
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IF THE GERMANS FIND
EVEN ONE KILO,
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I WILL BE SHOT.
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DO NOT WORRY,
IT WILL BE DISGUISED
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AS A PRODUCT
OF THE FACTORY.
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WHAT?!
HIGH EXPLOSIVE STRUDEL?
58
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DO YOU THINK WE ARE FOOLS?
59
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WE KNOW YOU DO NOT HAVE
A BIG ENOUGH REFRIGERATOR.
60
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,251
THEN HOW
WILL YOU DISGUISE IT?
61
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:12,758
IT WILL BE DISGUISED
AS 500 CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
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500? LOOK, ARE YOU
OUT OF YOUR MIND?
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IF I AM QUESTIONED, WHAT REASON
AM I SUPPOSED TO GIVE
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FOR HAVING 500 CHRISTMAS
PUDDINGS IN MY CAFE?
65
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:23,269
YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE
CORNERED THE MARKET.
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YOUR IDEAS GET WILDER
AND WILDER.
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I WILL NOT DO IT,
AND THAT IS FINAL.
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WHAT IS THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
69
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ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT
IN YOUR COMFORTABLE CAFE,
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AND LOOK AFTER A FEW PALTRY
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
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HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE
A 24-HOUR EMERGENCY PLUMBER,
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WITH PUTTY UNDER
YOUR FINGERNAILS,
73
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,290
BURNING YOUR HANDS
ON A BLOW LAMP,
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DRINKING TEA
FROM AN OLD PAINT KETTLE,
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SITTING ON A PILE OF BRICKS,
EATING A DOORSTEP SANDWICH,
76
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WITH A 12-INCH SPANNER
IN YOUR BACK POCKET?
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WHEN IS THE FIRST
DELIVERY?
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00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,802
( Michelle sobs )
79
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RENE, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
IS ON THE PHONE.
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00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,307
HE WILL BE HERE IN ONE HOUR
TO DISCUSS A PROBLEM.
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00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:03,809
OH, MORE HEADACHES.
82
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,817
( sighs )
83
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THANK YOU, GRUBER.
84
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,320
THESE ARMY BOOTS
85
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,323
HAVE BEEN PLAYING HELL
WITH MY BUNIONS.
86
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,325
I THINK, COLONEL,
THAT YOU AND I
87
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,328
WERE NOT CUT OUT
FOR THE MILITARY LIFE.
88
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,829
BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
GRUBER,
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00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,332
I PRAY EVERY NIGHT
THAT HITLER
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00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,334
DOESN'T INVADE ENGLAND.
91
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,336
THAT DAMN BRITISH WEATHER,
92
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IT WOULD BE FATAL FOR ME
WITH MY RHEUMATISM.
93
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,840
AND THE FOOD.
94
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,844
BEFORE THE WAR,
I WAS ONE MONTH
95
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,346
IN A SMALL HOTEL
IN CROYDON.
96
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,848
WHAT ABOUT MANCHESTER?
97
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,351
THEY EAT FAGGOTS
FOR BREAKFAST.
98
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:49,856
IT'S A BARBAROUS COUNTRY.
99
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AND THE ROMANS
PUT UP WITH IT
100
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FOR 1,000 YEARS.
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COLONEL,
102
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GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
IS OUTSIDE.
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00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,867
VON KLINKERHOFFEN?!
DON'T LET HIM IN.
104
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,869
GRUBER,
HIDE THE BOWL.
105
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,373
HIDE THE BOWL.
106
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HIDE THE BOWL!
107
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COLONEL, YOUR FEET.
108
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OH, MY!
MY BOOTS!
109
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,386
KEEP HIM TALKING.
110
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:26,893
GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN!
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HEIL HITLER.
112
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HEIL HITLER.
113
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WHERE IS THE COLONEL?
114
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THE COLONEL?
115
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COLONEL VON STROHM.
116
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OH, UM...
HE WENT FOR A STROLL.
117
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A STROLL? WHERE?
118
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,912
BEHIND THE CURTAINS.
119
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,427
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
120
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,929
KEEP FIT EXERCISES,
GENERAL.
121
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,933
I AM PREPARING MYSELF
FOR THE INVASION.
122
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,935
WHY ARE YOU NOT
WEARING BOOTS?
123
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I AM TOUGHENING UP MY FEET
124
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FOR THE PEBBLES
ON THE BRITISH BEACHES.
125
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:16,442
I WILL MAKE SURE YOU ARE
ONE OF THE FIRST TO LAND.
126
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TO SEE AN OLD MAN LIKE YOU
127
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,447
TOTTERING UP
TO THE BARBED WIRE
128
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,449
WILL SET A GOOD EXAMPLE
TO THE LESS SEASONED TROOPS.
129
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,954
NOW TO BUSINESS.
WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM.
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00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,456
IT HAS COME TO THE EARS
OF THE FUHRER
131
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THAT TWO OF THE LATEST
MARK VI LAND MINES
132
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ARE MISSING
FROM THIS DISTRICT.
133
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:37,463
HE HAS, OF COURSE,
FLOWN INTO ONE OF HIS FAMILIAR RAGES.
134
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,466
HAS HE EATEN THE CARPET?
135
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,968
NO, BUT HE HAS DONE
A LOT OF NO GOOD
136
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,971
TO A REPRODUCTION
OF A BAYEUX TAPESTRY.
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00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,973
DO YOU THINK HE HAS
A SCREW LOOSE?
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00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:48,975
IN MY OPINION,
139
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,978
A WHOLE MECCANO SET HAS
FALLEN APART IN THERE,
140
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,981
BUT, UH... THAT IS JUST
BETWEEN OURSELVES.
141
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,984
NOW, WHAT STEPS HAVE BEEN TAKEN
TO RECOVER THE STOLEN ARTICLES?
142
00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:00,987
WE HAVE INFORMED
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.
143
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,489
UNDERCOVER WORK IS
THEIR RESPONSIBILITY.
144
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,491
THIS IS NOT
GOOD ENOUGH.
145
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:08,494
YOU WILL TAKE CONTROL OF
THIS OPERATION PERSONALLY.
146
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:09,995
THIS IS YOUR DISTRICT.
147
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,497
YOU ARE THE COMMANDER.
YOU ARE IN CHARGE!
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00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:13,499
THIS WHOLE
DISGRACEFUL AFFAIR
149
00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:15,501
MUST BE RESOLVED
WITHOUT ANY DELAY,
150
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:18,504
OTHERWISE, SOMEONE
151
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,005
WILL FIND THEMSELVES
IN VERY HOT WATER.
152
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YES, MEIN FUHRER.
153
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,519
NO, MEIN FUHRER.
154
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:35,521
OF COURSE,
MEIN FUHRER.
155
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,523
I UNDERSTAND,
MEIN FUHRER.
156
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:40,526
I AM VERY GRATEFUL
TO YOU, MEIN FUHRER.
157
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:42,528
GOODBYE,
MEIN FUHRER.
158
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:45,030
WAS THAT THE FUHRER?
159
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,034
NO, IT WAS MY MOTHER.
160
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,036
SHE WAS CHECKING TO SEE
IF MY UNDERWEAR,
161
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,538
WHICH SHE HAS
KNITTED FOR ME, IS A SNUG FIT.
162
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:53,539
AND IS IT?
163
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:54,540
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
164
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,544
NOW, I HAVE HERE
AN IMPORTANT DISPATCH.
165
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,546
BERLIN EXPECTS
THE GESTAPO
166
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,548
TO FIND THE MISSING
LAND MINES.
167
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:06,552
WE ARE JUST THE BOYS
FOR THE JOB.
168
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,053
IT IS MY OPINION,
169
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,556
THAT MUCH OF THE SUBVERSIVE
ACTIVITY IN NOUVION
170
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,558
IS CONDUCTED AT RENE'S CAFE.
171
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,560
GESTAPO SPIES TELL ME
172
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,562
THAT THERE ARE FREQUENT
MEETINGS IN THE LARDER.
173
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:19,064
I DO NOT REMEMBER
MENTIONING THIS.
174
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:22,068
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY
SNEAKY PEBBLE ON THE BEACH.
175
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:26,572
WE MUST FIND THE POSITION
FROM WHICH WE CAN OBSERVE
176
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,574
THESE GOINGS ON
IN THE LARDER.
177
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,079
HERE IS A MAP.
178
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,083
HERE IS THE LARDER WINDOW.
179
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,585
HERE, OPPOSITE,
IS AN OBSERVATION POINT.
180
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,587
THE CHURCH TOWER.
181
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,588
CORRECT.
182
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,089
12 FEET FROM THE GROUND
183
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,592
ARE TWO SMALL
UNOBTRUSIVE OPENINGS.
184
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:49,595
FROM THESE WE CAN SEE
DIRECTLY INTO THE LARDER,
185
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:51,096
AND THE WINDOWS ABOVE.
186
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,099
OH, YOU ARE A MARVEL,
HERR FLICK.
187
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,601
YOU WILL GO A LONG WAY
WITH YOUR BRAIN.
188
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,604
AND YOU WILL GO NOWHERE
WITH YOURS.
189
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,109
( laughing )
190
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,152
MONSIEUR ALPHONSE
HAS STOPPED OUTSIDE WITH HIS HEARSE.
191
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,154
OH, I WISH HE WOULD
NOT DO THIS.
192
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,655
MAMMA TAKES ON SO.
193
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:19,659
MONSIEUR RENE,
194
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:21,160
QUICK, A COGNAC.
195
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,161
OF COURSE.
196
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:23,662
YOU WILL NOTE
197
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,665
THAT MY HANDS ARE TREMBLING
198
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,667
AND MY MOUSTACHE
IS TWITCHING.
199
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,168
HERE, GET THAT
DOWN YOU.
200
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,669
NOW WHAT
HAS HAPPENED?
201
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,672
I WAS TRAVELING
THROUGH THE TOWN,
202
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,175
WHEN A COFFIN
FELL OFF MY HEARSE.
203
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,679
I DIED A THOUSAND DEATHS.
204
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,181
WHAT A TERRIBLE THING
TO HAPPEN TO AN UNDERTAKER
205
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,683
OF YOUR REPUTATION
AND STANDING.
206
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:46,185
IT IS, MADAME.
207
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,687
ESPECIALLY WHEN
THE COFFIN CONTAINS--
208
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,190
58--
209
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,192
EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS!
210
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,697
OH, MY GOD! W-WELL,
211
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,198
DO NOT LEAVE IT
OUTSIDE MY CAFE.
212
00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:01,200
THANK YOU, MONSIEUR.
213
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,701
I DO NOT INTEND TO.
214
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:08,207
MAMMA!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
215
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:10,709
IT IS A FINE,
216
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,211
SUNNY MORNING,
217
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:14,213
AND I AM FULL OF JOY.
218
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,715
ALSO I AM FED UP,
219
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,718
WAITING FOR THE RESULTS
OF THE TEST
220
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,219
MADE BY THAT DOCTOR.
221
00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:23,222
SO, I THOUGHT
I WOULD TAKE--
222
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:26,225
AARGHH!
223
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,726
IT IS A MISTAKE,
MAMMA.
224
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,228
COME BACK.
225
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,731
I AM NOT HAVING
THAT THING IN HERE.
226
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:35,234
I HAVE INSTRUCTIONS,
227
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,236
FROM MICHELLE
OF THE RESISTANCE.
228
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:40,239
SHE SAID NO MATTER WHAT
OPPOSITION I ENCOUNTER,
229
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:42,741
THAT GOES DOWN
YOUR BACK PASSAGE.
230
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:47,246
INTO THE CELLAR.
231
00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,248
RENE, THERE ARE
SOME GERMANS APPROACHING.
232
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:50,749
OH, HECK. QUICK,
TAKE IT THROUGH.
233
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,752
THANK YOU, MONSIEUR.
QUICK, QUICK.
234
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,754
GO QUICKLY,
COME ON, HURRY.
235
00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:58,757
WHAT ABOUT
THE OTHER FIVE?
236
00:10:58,758 --> 00:10:59,759
OTHER FIVE WHAT?
237
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,761
THE OTHER FIVE COFFINS--
238
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,764
WITH 290 EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS?
239
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:06,766
OH, NO, NO.
240
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,768
YOU ARE NOT BRINGING
THEM IN HERE.
241
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:09,769
NO. SAY THERE HAS
BEEN A PLAGUE.
242
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,270
GO AND BURY THEM
SOMEWHERE.
243
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:14,773
I CANNOT BURY ANYTHING
WITHOUT A CERTIFICATE.
244
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,776
WELL, GET MICHELLE
TO SHOOT SOME GERMANS.
245
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,778
USE YOUR IMAGINATION,
246
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:19,779
BUT THEY ARE NOT
COMING IN HERE.
247
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,781
AHA, SHOOT SOME GERMANS.
248
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:35,294
GO AWAY!
249
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:41,300
TELL THE DOCTOR
250
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,802
I WANT A SECOND OPINION.
251
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:51,310
QUICK,
BEFORE SHE HITS ONE OF THE COFFINS.
252
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,317
HERR FLICK?
253
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:01,320
HERR FLICK?
WHERE ARE YOU?
254
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,822
I AM BEHIND THE SCREEN,
WITH VON SMALLHAUSEN.
255
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:07,326
MAY ONE INQUIRE
TO WHAT YOU ARE UP?
256
00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:08,827
WE HAVE REMOVED
OUR CLOTHES
257
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:11,330
IN ORDER TO FOLLOW
THE FUHRER'S INSTRUCTIONS.
258
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,832
I SEE.
259
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,334
WHAT EXACTLY DID HE
TELL YOU TO DO?
260
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,336
WE HAVE DISGUISED OURSELVES
261
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:18,837
IN ORDER TO MERGE
262
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,840
INTO AN ECCLESIASTICAL
BACKGROUND.
263
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,347
CRUMBS, WHAT
A STUNNING DISGUISE.
264
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,848
IF I MAY SAY SO,
265
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,851
THE HOMEMADE
OPEN-TOED SANDALS
266
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,352
ARE PARTICULARLY
EFFECTIVE.
267
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:36,855
I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT
I HAVE VERY VIRILE FEET.
268
00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:40,359
VON SMALLHAUSEN?
269
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,866
WHY HAVE YOU, HANGING
FROM YOUR HEAD, A HALO?
270
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:50,369
IT WAS PART OF THE SET.
271
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,870
REMOVE IT.
272
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,377
HELGA, HERE ARE
YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.
273
00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:00,379
YOU WILL BRING
TO THE CHURCH TOWER
274
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,380
COFFEE AND SANDWICHES,
275
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,382
TO SUSTAIN US
DURING OUR VIGIL.
276
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,384
WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING
IN THE CHURCH TOWER?
277
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:06,885
SNOOPING.
278
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,387
VERY WELL,
HERR FLICK.
279
00:13:08,387 --> 00:13:09,888
I MUST SAY,
280
00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,390
I FIND THE LENGTHS
TO WHICH YOU WILL GO
281
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,892
TO ACHIEVE YOUR ENDS
MOST EXCITING.
282
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,394
THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE.
283
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,396
MAY I KISS YOU?
284
00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:18,897
NO.
285
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,900
THE RULES OF THE ORDER
TO WHICH I BELONG,
286
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,903
FORBID THE KISSING
OF GIRLS.
287
00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:25,404
DO THEY FORBID
ANYTHING ELSE?
288
00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,909
YES, MONKS UNDER 5'3"
289
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,410
ARE NOT PERMITTED
TO SPEAK.
290
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:37,416
MAY I ASK A QUESTION?
291
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,355
RENE, MAKE
THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
292
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,856
IT IS TIME
FOR ME TO SING.
293
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:47,359
HOW QUICKLY
IT COMES ROUND.
294
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:51,363
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
295
00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:52,864
IT IS CABARET TIME
AT CAFE RENE.
296
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,366
AND HERE,
297
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:55,867
AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT,
298
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:58,370
IS YOUR OWN,
YOUR VERY OWN,
299
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:01,373
NIGHTINGALE OF NOUVION,
MADAME EDITH.
300
00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:02,874
( all groaning )
301
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,879
THANK YOU FOR THAT
WARM WELCOME.
302
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,381
TODAY, I WOULD LIKE
TO SING FOR YOU,
303
00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:12,384
ONE OF MY FAVORITES--
AND I HOPE, ONE OF YOURS.
304
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,886
"BOOM, WHY DID
MY HEART GO BOOM?"
305
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,388
THANK YOU.
306
00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:18,390
WITH ALL THESE EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS IN THE CELLAR,
307
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,392
I WISH SHE
WOULD NOT SING THIS.
308
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:22,894
( loudly )
♪ BOOM! ♪
309
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:25,397
♪ WHY DID MY HEART GO BOOM? ♪
310
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,899
♪ ME AND MY HEART
GO BOOM ♪
311
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,902
♪ BOOM-TIDDY-BOOM ♪
312
00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:31,904
♪ 'CAUSE I FOUND YOU ♪
313
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,407
♪ BOOM... ♪
314
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:37,909
EDITH, YOU'VE
CLEARED THE ROOM.
315
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,912
♪ I CAN SEE LOVE IN BLOOM ♪
316
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,914
♪ BOOM-TIDDY-BOOM ♪
317
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:43,916
♪ ALL AROUND YOU... ♪
318
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:47,419
ARGH, PEASANTS!
319
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:48,920
EDITH,
DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF.
320
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,923
YOU DID NOT HAVE
THE RIGHT PIANIST.
321
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,424
YOU ARE RIGHT.
322
00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:55,928
YOU ARE SACKED!
323
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:57,930
YOU ARE INCOMPETENT!
324
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,432
NEVER AGAIN WILL
YOU PLAY IN NOUVION!
325
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:01,433
OUT!
326
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:06,939
OH, I MUST LIE DOWN.
327
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,440
WHERE ARE
MY SMELLING SALTS?
328
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,442
WE HAVE RUN OUT,
MADAME EDITH.
329
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:12,444
STUFF A MOTHBALL
UP EACH NOSTRIL
330
00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:13,945
AND BREATHE DEEPLY.
331
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,948
MOTHBALL?
332
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,452
RENE, WE ARE
ALONE AT LAST.
333
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:21,953
YVETTE.
334
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:23,455
OH-HH!
335
00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:25,457
HOLD ME TIGHTLY.
336
00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:27,959
IF THOSE PUDDINGS
IN THE CELLAR EXPLODE,
337
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,462
I WANT TO BE
IN YOUR ARMS.
338
00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:31,463
OF COURSE.
339
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,965
IT IS A LONG TIME SINCE
WE WERE OUT TOGETHER.
340
00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:36,968
GOOD MOANING.
341
00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:41,473
OH, I SEE YOU ARE HAVING
A CURSE AND KIDDLE.
342
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:46,478
I WILL TURN A BLONDE EYE.
343
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:47,979
WHAT IS IT
THAT YOU WANT?
344
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,982
I HAVE FOR YOU
345
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:52,985
TWO EXPLEEDING
CHRISTMAS PODDINGS.
346
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:55,988
I SUPPOSE THEY ARE DOWN
YOUR TROUSERS AS USUAL?
347
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,991
DO NOT BE REDOCULOUS.
348
00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:07,499
MIND THE HILLY.
349
00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:10,001
IT IS VERY PROCKERLY.
350
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:11,503
AND DO NOT DRIP THEM,
351
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:15,006
OTHERWISE THEY WILL
GO OFF, BONG.
352
00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,009
ALL RIGHT. WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?
353
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,011
WE COULD SAY
354
00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,512
WE ARE MEMBERS
OF A PUDDING CLUB.
355
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:25,016
DO NOT MENTION MY NAME
IN CONNECTION WITH IT.
356
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:29,021
I MUST GO ABOUT
MY BOSNESS.
357
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,523
I WILL USE
THE BACK WEE.
358
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,529
RENE! OH-HHH!
359
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:40,031
LOOK OUT,
THE WIFE IS COMING.
360
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:42,034
OH, RENE,
361
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,536
THE MOTHBALLS
DID THE TRICK.
362
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:47,038
I AM FEELING
QUITE CALM AGAIN.
363
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,041
RENE, THERE IS
A GIRL OUTSIDE
364
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,543
WHO DEMANDS TO SEE YOU,
WITHOUT DELAY.
365
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:52,544
WHAT DOES SHE WANT?
366
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,546
SHE SAYS IT IS
A PRIVATE MATTER
367
00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:56,047
THAT ONLY CONCERNS RENE.
368
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:58,550
RENE, WHAT IS GOING ON?
369
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,552
I HAVE NO IDEA, EDITH.
370
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,059
I AM GLAD YOU ARE OPEN.
371
00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:09,561
I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE THIS
ON YOUR DOORSTEP.
372
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:13,064
I DENY--
373
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:17,569
I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS GIRL
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
374
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,070
I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE.
375
00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:20,572
HOW MANY
ARE THERE?
376
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,074
SIX MORE GIRLS ARE OUTSIDE.
377
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:25,077
- Rene: SIX?!
- AARGHH!
378
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,585
AND THERE IS A BUSLOAD
COMING AT 7:00.
379
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,086
AARGHH!
380
00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:37,589
I MUST PUT UP MY NOSE,
MORE MOTHBALLS.
381
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:41,093
RENE, WHAT HAVE
YOU BEEN DOING?
382
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,096
THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH ME.
383
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:46,098
TWO EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
384
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:52,104
CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS!
385
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:54,106
♪ GOD REST YE,
MERRY GENTLEMEN... ♪
386
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,108
GET OUT!
387
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,787
I SAY, FAIRFAX,
I REALLY THINK
388
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:09,788
I'M GETTING
THE HANG OF THIS.
389
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,790
THERE IS ONLY
ONE PROBLEM.
390
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,292
AFTER SIX HOURS
COOPED UP IN THERE,
391
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:16,795
THE OLD LEGS
WON'T STRAIGHTEN OUT.
392
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,797
I KNOW.
MINE ARE THE SAME.
393
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,799
IS EVERYTHING
TICKETY-BOO, CHAPS?
394
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,801
WELL, WE'VE MANAGED
395
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:25,804
TO UNSCREW OUR NUTS
IN 12 SECONDS.
396
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,807
THAT MEANS 10 SECONDS
TO PUT ON THE PARACHUTE,
397
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:29,808
AND PULL THE THING.
398
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,309
GOOD SHOW!
399
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:32,811
YOU'RE LEAVING TONIGHT.
400
00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:34,312
OH, WIZARD.
401
00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:37,316
WHERE ARE THE GERMANS ACTUALLY
GONNA DROP THE LAND MINES?
402
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,817
WELL, WE CAN'T BE SURE,
403
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,318
BUT THEY'RE BOMBING LONDON
ALL THE TIME.
404
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:43,322
IF THEY DROP YOU OVER
WIMBLEDON, FAIRFAX,
405
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,324
YOU COULD HAIL A CAB
AND BE HOME FOR SUPPER.
406
00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,827
NOW THIS IS
THE GENERAL PLAN:
407
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,829
WE WILL SCREW YOU DOWN
INTO THESE THINGS,
408
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,330
AND THEN UNDER COVER
OF DARKNESS,
409
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:53,832
YOU WILL BE LOADED
ONTO A LORRY,
410
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,834
AND TRANSPORTED
TO A WAREHOUSE.
411
00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:58,837
FROM THERE, YOU WILL BE HUNG
UNDER A GERMAN BOMBER
412
00:18:58,837 --> 00:18:59,838
AND THEN OFF YOU GO.
413
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,342
WHAT HAPPENS
IF THE WEATHER'S BAD,
414
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,843
AND THEY DON'T GO
FOR A FEW DAYS?
415
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,344
OUR PEOPLE WILL POP IN
FROM TIME TO TIME,
416
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,347
AND GIVE YOU
SANDWICHES AND COFFEE.
417
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,849
IT ALL SOUNDS
A BIT HAREBRAINED.
418
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,851
ON THE OTHER HAND,
IT'LL MAKE
419
00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:14,853
A JOLLY GOOD CHAPTER
IN MY BOOK.
420
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,361
ARE THEY
STILL HERE?
421
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:24,863
I THOUGHT THEY
WOULD BE GONE BY NOW.
422
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,865
THEY ARE
LEAVING TONIGHT.
423
00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:28,867
MEANWHILE, YOU MUST
HIDE THEM IN YOUR CELLAR.
424
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:31,870
IT IS FULL
OF YOUR EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
425
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:33,872
WHAT ARE THEY
TALKING ABOUT?
426
00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:35,373
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE LANGUAGE, I'M AFRAID.
427
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:37,876
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS.
428
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:39,377
ASK A SILLY QUESTION
429
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,380
AND YOU GET
A SILLY ANSWER.
430
00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:42,881
NOW LOOK, MICHELLE,
ONCE AND FOR ALL,
431
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,382
I WANT
NO PART OF THIS.
432
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,885
WOULD YOU PREFER
A BULLET IN YOUR BACK?
433
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:50,889
OH, VERY WELL.
434
00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:51,890
COME ALONG, CHAPS.
435
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:55,393
KEEP CALM AND DO YOUR BEST
TO LOOK LIKE FRENCH PEASANTS.
436
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:56,895
ROGER.
437
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:07,405
OH, MY GOD.
438
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,912
WHY ARE YOU SHIVERING,
VON SMALLHAUSEN?
439
00:20:14,913 --> 00:20:17,415
THESE HABITS ARE
VERY DRAFTY, HERR FLICK.
440
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:19,918
WE SHOULD HAVE WORN
LONG WINTER UNDERPANTS.
441
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,921
THE GESTAPO HANDBOOK
ON CHURCH CUSTOMS
442
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:25,924
SAYS THAT MONKS
DO NOT WEAR UNDERWEAR.
443
00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:27,425
HAVE YOU FOUND A LADDER?
444
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,927
NO, HERR FLICK.
445
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:31,930
NOTHING THAT WOULD REACH
THOSE LITTLE WINDOWS UP THERE.
446
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,932
YOU INCOMPETENT MONK!
447
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:35,934
BUT WE WILL NOT
BE THWARTED.
448
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,936
LET US PUT ON
OUR MAGNIFYING HATS.
449
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,447
WAIT WHILE I ADJUST MINE
450
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:51,450
TO MY WEAK RIGHT EYE.
451
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,955
WE WILL CLIMB
THESE ROPES.
452
00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:03,962
( bell tolls )
453
00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:05,463
AARGHH!
454
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:06,965
- ( second bell tolls )
- AARGHH!
455
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:10,468
( ringing )
456
00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:16,975
THE BELLS, THE BELLS!
457
00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:28,987
CAN YOU SEE ANYTHING?
458
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,491
NOT FOR LONG.
459
00:21:40,999 --> 00:21:42,500
HERR FLICK!
460
00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:44,503
IS THAT YOU
UP THERE
461
00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:46,004
IN THE DARKNESS
OF THE BELFRY?
462
00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:49,007
Flick:
I AM SUSPENDED BY THE CLAPPERS.
463
00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:56,014
THE RISKS YOU TAKE
FOR THE FATHERLAND.
464
00:21:57,015 --> 00:21:59,517
CLIMB OUT
ONTO THE BEAM, HERR FLICK.
465
00:21:59,518 --> 00:22:02,521
THE ROPE
IS ENTANGLED.
466
00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:06,024
GIVE IT
A LITTLE JERK.
467
00:22:06,024 --> 00:22:07,525
( screaming )
468
00:22:09,528 --> 00:22:11,530
( loud clanging )
469
00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:25,043
VON SMALLHAUSEN,
ARE YOU IN THERE?
470
00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:27,045
SPEAK TO ME.
471
00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:28,546
( clanking within )
472
00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:33,552
( theme music playing )