1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:06,572 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:28,595 YOU FIND ME SAMPLING ONE OR TWO OF THE LOCAL VINTAGES, 3 00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,097 SO THAT I MAY CHOOSE A HOUSE WINE FOR MY CAFE. 4 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,102 HMM. 5 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,104 TOO GOOD FOR THE PEASANTS. 6 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:41,107 ( sniffs ) 7 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:43,610 ( choking ) 8 00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:50,616 TOO BAD FOR THE PEASANTS. 9 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,119 GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE GERMANS. 10 00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,626 RENE, HAVE YOU FOUND A SUITABLE ONE YET? 11 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:03,129 YES, THIS ONE WILL DO VERY NICELY. 12 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:05,131 GO AND PUT A PINT OF ANTIFREEZE 13 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:06,632 IN THAT BARREL. 14 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,135 RENE, YOU ONCE MORE HAVE A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. 15 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,137 HOW MANY BOTTLES HAVE YOU TASTED? 16 00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,139 OH, NO, IT IS NOT THE WINE, EDITH. 17 00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,641 A GREAT LOAD HAS BEEN LIFTED FROM MY SHOULDERS. 18 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:18,144 THE GESTAPO HAVE RECEIVED BACK THEIR MONEY, 19 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,146 MONSIEUR LeCLERC IS FREE, AND THEY ARE NO LONGER 20 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,647 SEARCHING FOR MONSIEUR ALPHONSE. 21 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,650 SO, FOR THE TIME BEING, WE ARE AT LIBERTY 22 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,152 TO MAKE AS MUCH MONEY OUT OF THIS WAR AS WE CAN. 23 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:28,654 I WILL DRINK TO THAT. 24 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,157 RENE, MICHELLE WANTS YOU IN THE BACK ROOM. 25 00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:33,159 OH HECK. 26 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:34,660 I KNEW IT COULD NOT LAST. 27 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,669 MICHELLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THOSE DIRTY OLD OVERALLS? 28 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,171 THE GERMANS SEEK ME EVERYWHERE. 29 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:46,672 I AM DISGUISED AS A BUILDER. 30 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,675 SHOULD THEY FIND ME HERE, 31 00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,677 I WILL SAY THAT I AM REPAIRING YOUR WINDOW. 32 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,679 BUT IT IS NOT BROKEN. 33 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:58,684 LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. 34 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:02,688 WHEN WE STOLE FROM THE GERMANS, THE LAND MINES, 35 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,191 IN WHICH THE BRITISH AIRMEN ARE TO ESCAPE, 36 00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,693 WE HAD TO REMOVE 1,000 KILOS OF HIGH EXPLOSIVE. 37 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:11,697 YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THIS EXPLOSIVE? 38 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:15,201 TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I NEVER GAVE IT A THOUGHT. 39 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:16,702 THEN I WILL TELL YOU NOW. 40 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,205 IT IS HIDDEN IN A PUDDING FACTORY. 41 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:22,208 OH, WHAT A GOOD HIDING PLACE. 42 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:25,211 UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVE SECRET INFORMATION 43 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,713 THAT THIS FACTORY IS TO BE COMMANDEERED BY THE GERMANS 44 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:30,717 FOR THE MANUFACTURE OF FROZEN STRUDEL, 45 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,219 WHICH IS TO BE SENT IN FOOD PARCELS TO THE RUSSIAN FRONT. 46 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,723 WE WILL PASS THIS SECRET INFORMATION 47 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,725 ON TO THE ENGLISH TONIGHT ON THE RADIO. 48 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:41,227 WE MUST NOT LET THE EXPLOSIVE FALL INTO GERMAN HANDS. 49 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,229 WE HAVE THEREFORE ARRANGED 50 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,231 FOR IT TO BE DELIVERED TO YOUR CAFE. 51 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,732 NOW LISTEN! 52 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:49,736 WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE 1,000 KILOS OF HIGH EXPLOSIVE? 53 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,738 IF THE GERMANS FIND EVEN ONE KILO, 54 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:52,739 I WILL BE SHOT. 55 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,741 DO NOT WORRY, IT WILL BE DISGUISED 56 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:56,242 AS A PRODUCT OF THE FACTORY. 57 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,744 WHAT?! HIGH EXPLOSIVE STRUDEL? 58 00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:01,247 DO YOU THINK WE ARE FOOLS? 59 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:04,250 WE KNOW YOU DO NOT HAVE A BIG ENOUGH REFRIGERATOR. 60 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,251 THEN HOW WILL YOU DISGUISE IT? 61 00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:12,758 IT WILL BE DISGUISED AS 500 CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 62 00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,261 500? LOOK, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? 63 00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:17,763 IF I AM QUESTIONED, WHAT REASON AM I SUPPOSED TO GIVE 64 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,266 FOR HAVING 500 CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS IN MY CAFE? 65 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:23,269 YOU CAN SAY YOU HAVE CORNERED THE MARKET. 66 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,772 YOUR IDEAS GET WILDER AND WILDER. 67 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,775 I WILL NOT DO IT, AND THAT IS FINAL. 68 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,777 WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? 69 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,279 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT IN YOUR COMFORTABLE CAFE, 70 00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,781 AND LOOK AFTER A FEW PALTRY CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 71 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:40,286 HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A 24-HOUR EMERGENCY PLUMBER, 72 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:42,288 WITH PUTTY UNDER YOUR FINGERNAILS, 73 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,290 BURNING YOUR HANDS ON A BLOW LAMP, 74 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,792 DRINKING TEA FROM AN OLD PAINT KETTLE, 75 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:49,295 SITTING ON A PILE OF BRICKS, EATING A DOORSTEP SANDWICH, 76 00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:51,797 WITH A 12-INCH SPANNER IN YOUR BACK POCKET? 77 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,301 WHEN IS THE FIRST DELIVERY? 78 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,802 ( Michelle sobs ) 79 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,805 RENE, MONSIEUR ALPHONSE IS ON THE PHONE. 80 00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,307 HE WILL BE HERE IN ONE HOUR TO DISCUSS A PROBLEM. 81 00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:03,809 OH, MORE HEADACHES. 82 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,817 ( sighs ) 83 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,819 THANK YOU, GRUBER. 84 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,320 THESE ARMY BOOTS 85 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,323 HAVE BEEN PLAYING HELL WITH MY BUNIONS. 86 00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,325 I THINK, COLONEL, THAT YOU AND I 87 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:22,328 WERE NOT CUT OUT FOR THE MILITARY LIFE. 88 00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,829 BETWEEN YOU AND ME, GRUBER, 89 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,332 I PRAY EVERY NIGHT THAT HITLER 90 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,334 DOESN'T INVADE ENGLAND. 91 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,336 THAT DAMN BRITISH WEATHER, 92 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:33,339 IT WOULD BE FATAL FOR ME WITH MY RHEUMATISM. 93 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,840 AND THE FOOD. 94 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,844 BEFORE THE WAR, I WAS ONE MONTH 95 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,346 IN A SMALL HOTEL IN CROYDON. 96 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,848 WHAT ABOUT MANCHESTER? 97 00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,351 THEY EAT FAGGOTS FOR BREAKFAST. 98 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:49,856 IT'S A BARBAROUS COUNTRY. 99 00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,858 AND THE ROMANS PUT UP WITH IT 100 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,360 FOR 1,000 YEARS. 101 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,361 COLONEL, 102 00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,863 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN IS OUTSIDE. 103 00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,867 VON KLINKERHOFFEN?! DON'T LET HIM IN. 104 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,869 GRUBER, HIDE THE BOWL. 105 00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,373 HIDE THE BOWL. 106 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,877 HIDE THE BOWL! 107 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,380 COLONEL, YOUR FEET. 108 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,382 OH, MY! MY BOOTS! 109 00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,386 KEEP HIM TALKING. 110 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:26,893 GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN! 111 00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:30,896 HEIL HITLER. 112 00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:31,898 HEIL HITLER. 113 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,400 WHERE IS THE COLONEL? 114 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,901 THE COLONEL? 115 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,404 COLONEL VON STROHM. 116 00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:41,407 OH, UM... HE WENT FOR A STROLL. 117 00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,409 A STROLL? WHERE? 118 00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,912 BEHIND THE CURTAINS. 119 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,427 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 120 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,929 KEEP FIT EXERCISES, GENERAL. 121 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,933 I AM PREPARING MYSELF FOR THE INVASION. 122 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,935 WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING BOOTS? 123 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,937 I AM TOUGHENING UP MY FEET 124 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,439 FOR THE PEBBLES ON THE BRITISH BEACHES. 125 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:16,442 I WILL MAKE SURE YOU ARE ONE OF THE FIRST TO LAND. 126 00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,445 TO SEE AN OLD MAN LIKE YOU 127 00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:21,447 TOTTERING UP TO THE BARBED WIRE 128 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,449 WILL SET A GOOD EXAMPLE TO THE LESS SEASONED TROOPS. 129 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,954 NOW TO BUSINESS. WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 130 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,456 IT HAS COME TO THE EARS OF THE FUHRER 131 00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,958 THAT TWO OF THE LATEST MARK VI LAND MINES 132 00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,460 ARE MISSING FROM THIS DISTRICT. 133 00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:37,463 HE HAS, OF COURSE, FLOWN INTO ONE OF HIS FAMILIAR RAGES. 134 00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:40,466 HAS HE EATEN THE CARPET? 135 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,968 NO, BUT HE HAS DONE A LOT OF NO GOOD 136 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,971 TO A REPRODUCTION OF A BAYEUX TAPESTRY. 137 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,973 DO YOU THINK HE HAS A SCREW LOOSE? 138 00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:48,975 IN MY OPINION, 139 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,978 A WHOLE MECCANO SET HAS FALLEN APART IN THERE, 140 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,981 BUT, UH... THAT IS JUST BETWEEN OURSELVES. 141 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:57,984 NOW, WHAT STEPS HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO RECOVER THE STOLEN ARTICLES? 142 00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:00,987 WE HAVE INFORMED HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO. 143 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,489 UNDERCOVER WORK IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. 144 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:05,491 THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 145 00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:08,494 YOU WILL TAKE CONTROL OF THIS OPERATION PERSONALLY. 146 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:09,995 THIS IS YOUR DISTRICT. 147 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,497 YOU ARE THE COMMANDER. YOU ARE IN CHARGE! 148 00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:13,499 THIS WHOLE DISGRACEFUL AFFAIR 149 00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:15,501 MUST BE RESOLVED WITHOUT ANY DELAY, 150 00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:18,504 OTHERWISE, SOMEONE 151 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,005 WILL FIND THEMSELVES IN VERY HOT WATER. 152 00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:32,018 YES, MEIN FUHRER. 153 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,519 NO, MEIN FUHRER. 154 00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:35,521 OF COURSE, MEIN FUHRER. 155 00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,523 I UNDERSTAND, MEIN FUHRER. 156 00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:40,526 I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO YOU, MEIN FUHRER. 157 00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:42,528 GOODBYE, MEIN FUHRER. 158 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:45,030 WAS THAT THE FUHRER? 159 00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,034 NO, IT WAS MY MOTHER. 160 00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,036 SHE WAS CHECKING TO SEE IF MY UNDERWEAR, 161 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,538 WHICH SHE HAS KNITTED FOR ME, IS A SNUG FIT. 162 00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:53,539 AND IS IT? 163 00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:54,540 MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 164 00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:58,544 NOW, I HAVE HERE AN IMPORTANT DISPATCH. 165 00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,546 BERLIN EXPECTS THE GESTAPO 166 00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,548 TO FIND THE MISSING LAND MINES. 167 00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:06,552 WE ARE JUST THE BOYS FOR THE JOB. 168 00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,053 IT IS MY OPINION, 169 00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,556 THAT MUCH OF THE SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITY IN NOUVION 170 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,558 IS CONDUCTED AT RENE'S CAFE. 171 00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,560 GESTAPO SPIES TELL ME 172 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,562 THAT THERE ARE FREQUENT MEETINGS IN THE LARDER. 173 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:19,064 I DO NOT REMEMBER MENTIONING THIS. 174 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:22,068 YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY SNEAKY PEBBLE ON THE BEACH. 175 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:26,572 WE MUST FIND THE POSITION FROM WHICH WE CAN OBSERVE 176 00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,574 THESE GOINGS ON IN THE LARDER. 177 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,079 HERE IS A MAP. 178 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,083 HERE IS THE LARDER WINDOW. 179 00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,585 HERE, OPPOSITE, IS AN OBSERVATION POINT. 180 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,587 THE CHURCH TOWER. 181 00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,588 CORRECT. 182 00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,089 12 FEET FROM THE GROUND 183 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,592 ARE TWO SMALL UNOBTRUSIVE OPENINGS. 184 00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:49,595 FROM THESE WE CAN SEE DIRECTLY INTO THE LARDER, 185 00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:51,096 AND THE WINDOWS ABOVE. 186 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,099 OH, YOU ARE A MARVEL, HERR FLICK. 187 00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,601 YOU WILL GO A LONG WAY WITH YOUR BRAIN. 188 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,604 AND YOU WILL GO NOWHERE WITH YOURS. 189 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,109 ( laughing ) 190 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,152 MONSIEUR ALPHONSE HAS STOPPED OUTSIDE WITH HIS HEARSE. 191 00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,154 OH, I WISH HE WOULD NOT DO THIS. 192 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,655 MAMMA TAKES ON SO. 193 00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:19,659 MONSIEUR RENE, 194 00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:21,160 QUICK, A COGNAC. 195 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,161 OF COURSE. 196 00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:23,662 YOU WILL NOTE 197 00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,665 THAT MY HANDS ARE TREMBLING 198 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,667 AND MY MOUSTACHE IS TWITCHING. 199 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,168 HERE, GET THAT DOWN YOU. 200 00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,669 NOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED? 201 00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,672 I WAS TRAVELING THROUGH THE TOWN, 202 00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,175 WHEN A COFFIN FELL OFF MY HEARSE. 203 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,679 I DIED A THOUSAND DEATHS. 204 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:42,181 WHAT A TERRIBLE THING TO HAPPEN TO AN UNDERTAKER 205 00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,683 OF YOUR REPUTATION AND STANDING. 206 00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:46,185 IT IS, MADAME. 207 00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,687 ESPECIALLY WHEN THE COFFIN CONTAINS-- 208 00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,190 58-- 209 00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,192 EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS! 210 00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,697 OH, MY GOD! W-WELL, 211 00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,198 DO NOT LEAVE IT OUTSIDE MY CAFE. 212 00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:01,200 THANK YOU, MONSIEUR. 213 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,701 I DO NOT INTEND TO. 214 00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:08,207 MAMMA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 215 00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:10,709 IT IS A FINE, 216 00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,211 SUNNY MORNING, 217 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:14,213 AND I AM FULL OF JOY. 218 00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,715 ALSO I AM FED UP, 219 00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,718 WAITING FOR THE RESULTS OF THE TEST 220 00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,219 MADE BY THAT DOCTOR. 221 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:23,222 SO, I THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE-- 222 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:26,225 AARGHH! 223 00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:27,726 IT IS A MISTAKE, MAMMA. 224 00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,228 COME BACK. 225 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,731 I AM NOT HAVING THAT THING IN HERE. 226 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:35,234 I HAVE INSTRUCTIONS, 227 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,236 FROM MICHELLE OF THE RESISTANCE. 228 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:40,239 SHE SAID NO MATTER WHAT OPPOSITION I ENCOUNTER, 229 00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:42,741 THAT GOES DOWN YOUR BACK PASSAGE. 230 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:47,246 INTO THE CELLAR. 231 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:49,248 RENE, THERE ARE SOME GERMANS APPROACHING. 232 00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:50,749 OH, HECK. QUICK, TAKE IT THROUGH. 233 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,752 THANK YOU, MONSIEUR. QUICK, QUICK. 234 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,754 GO QUICKLY, COME ON, HURRY. 235 00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:58,757 WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER FIVE? 236 00:10:58,758 --> 00:10:59,759 OTHER FIVE WHAT? 237 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,761 THE OTHER FIVE COFFINS-- 238 00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,764 WITH 290 EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS? 239 00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:06,766 OH, NO, NO. 240 00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,768 YOU ARE NOT BRINGING THEM IN HERE. 241 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:09,769 NO. SAY THERE HAS BEEN A PLAGUE. 242 00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,270 GO AND BURY THEM SOMEWHERE. 243 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:14,773 I CANNOT BURY ANYTHING WITHOUT A CERTIFICATE. 244 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,776 WELL, GET MICHELLE TO SHOOT SOME GERMANS. 245 00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,778 USE YOUR IMAGINATION, 246 00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:19,779 BUT THEY ARE NOT COMING IN HERE. 247 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,781 AHA, SHOOT SOME GERMANS. 248 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:35,294 GO AWAY! 249 00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:41,300 TELL THE DOCTOR 250 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,802 I WANT A SECOND OPINION. 251 00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:51,310 QUICK, BEFORE SHE HITS ONE OF THE COFFINS. 252 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,317 HERR FLICK? 253 00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:01,320 HERR FLICK? WHERE ARE YOU? 254 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,822 I AM BEHIND THE SCREEN, WITH VON SMALLHAUSEN. 255 00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:07,326 MAY ONE INQUIRE TO WHAT YOU ARE UP? 256 00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:08,827 WE HAVE REMOVED OUR CLOTHES 257 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:11,330 IN ORDER TO FOLLOW THE FUHRER'S INSTRUCTIONS. 258 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,832 I SEE. 259 00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,334 WHAT EXACTLY DID HE TELL YOU TO DO? 260 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,336 WE HAVE DISGUISED OURSELVES 261 00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:18,837 IN ORDER TO MERGE 262 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,840 INTO AN ECCLESIASTICAL BACKGROUND. 263 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,347 CRUMBS, WHAT A STUNNING DISGUISE. 264 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,848 IF I MAY SAY SO, 265 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,851 THE HOMEMADE OPEN-TOED SANDALS 266 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,352 ARE PARTICULARLY EFFECTIVE. 267 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:36,855 I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I HAVE VERY VIRILE FEET. 268 00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:40,359 VON SMALLHAUSEN? 269 00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,866 WHY HAVE YOU, HANGING FROM YOUR HEAD, A HALO? 270 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:50,369 IT WAS PART OF THE SET. 271 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:51,870 REMOVE IT. 272 00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:58,377 HELGA, HERE ARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS. 273 00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:00,379 YOU WILL BRING TO THE CHURCH TOWER 274 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,380 COFFEE AND SANDWICHES, 275 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,382 TO SUSTAIN US DURING OUR VIGIL. 276 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,384 WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING IN THE CHURCH TOWER? 277 00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:06,885 SNOOPING. 278 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,387 VERY WELL, HERR FLICK. 279 00:13:08,387 --> 00:13:09,888 I MUST SAY, 280 00:13:09,889 --> 00:13:11,390 I FIND THE LENGTHS TO WHICH YOU WILL GO 281 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,892 TO ACHIEVE YOUR ENDS MOST EXCITING. 282 00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,394 THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE. 283 00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,396 MAY I KISS YOU? 284 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:18,897 NO. 285 00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,900 THE RULES OF THE ORDER TO WHICH I BELONG, 286 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,903 FORBID THE KISSING OF GIRLS. 287 00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:25,404 DO THEY FORBID ANYTHING ELSE? 288 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,909 YES, MONKS UNDER 5'3" 289 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,410 ARE NOT PERMITTED TO SPEAK. 290 00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:37,416 MAY I ASK A QUESTION? 291 00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,355 RENE, MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT. 292 00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,856 IT IS TIME FOR ME TO SING. 293 00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:47,359 HOW QUICKLY IT COMES ROUND. 294 00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:51,363 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 295 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:52,864 IT IS CABARET TIME AT CAFE RENE. 296 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,366 AND HERE, 297 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:55,867 AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT, 298 00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:58,370 IS YOUR OWN, YOUR VERY OWN, 299 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:01,373 NIGHTINGALE OF NOUVION, MADAME EDITH. 300 00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:02,874 ( all groaning ) 301 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,879 THANK YOU FOR THAT WARM WELCOME. 302 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,381 TODAY, I WOULD LIKE TO SING FOR YOU, 303 00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:12,384 ONE OF MY FAVORITES-- AND I HOPE, ONE OF YOURS. 304 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:14,886 "BOOM, WHY DID MY HEART GO BOOM?" 305 00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,388 THANK YOU. 306 00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:18,390 WITH ALL THESE EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS IN THE CELLAR, 307 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,392 I WISH SHE WOULD NOT SING THIS. 308 00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:22,894 ( loudly ) ♪ BOOM! ♪ 309 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:25,397 ♪ WHY DID MY HEART GO BOOM? ♪ 310 00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,899 ♪ ME AND MY HEART GO BOOM ♪ 311 00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,902 ♪ BOOM-TIDDY-BOOM ♪ 312 00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:31,904 ♪ 'CAUSE I FOUND YOU ♪ 313 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,407 ♪ BOOM... ♪ 314 00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:37,909 EDITH, YOU'VE CLEARED THE ROOM. 315 00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,912 ♪ I CAN SEE LOVE IN BLOOM ♪ 316 00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,914 ♪ BOOM-TIDDY-BOOM ♪ 317 00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:43,916 ♪ ALL AROUND YOU... ♪ 318 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:47,419 ARGH, PEASANTS! 319 00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:48,920 EDITH, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. 320 00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,923 YOU DID NOT HAVE THE RIGHT PIANIST. 321 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:52,424 YOU ARE RIGHT. 322 00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:55,928 YOU ARE SACKED! 323 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:57,930 YOU ARE INCOMPETENT! 324 00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,432 NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU PLAY IN NOUVION! 325 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:01,433 OUT! 326 00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:06,939 OH, I MUST LIE DOWN. 327 00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,440 WHERE ARE MY SMELLING SALTS? 328 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,442 WE HAVE RUN OUT, MADAME EDITH. 329 00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:12,444 STUFF A MOTHBALL UP EACH NOSTRIL 330 00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:13,945 AND BREATHE DEEPLY. 331 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,948 MOTHBALL? 332 00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,452 RENE, WE ARE ALONE AT LAST. 333 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:21,953 YVETTE. 334 00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:23,455 OH-HH! 335 00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:25,457 HOLD ME TIGHTLY. 336 00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:27,959 IF THOSE PUDDINGS IN THE CELLAR EXPLODE, 337 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,462 I WANT TO BE IN YOUR ARMS. 338 00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:31,463 OF COURSE. 339 00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,965 IT IS A LONG TIME SINCE WE WERE OUT TOGETHER. 340 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:36,968 GOOD MOANING. 341 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:41,473 OH, I SEE YOU ARE HAVING A CURSE AND KIDDLE. 342 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:46,478 I WILL TURN A BLONDE EYE. 343 00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:47,979 WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT? 344 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,982 I HAVE FOR YOU 345 00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:52,985 TWO EXPLEEDING CHRISTMAS PODDINGS. 346 00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:55,988 I SUPPOSE THEY ARE DOWN YOUR TROUSERS AS USUAL? 347 00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,991 DO NOT BE REDOCULOUS. 348 00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:07,499 MIND THE HILLY. 349 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:10,001 IT IS VERY PROCKERLY. 350 00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:11,503 AND DO NOT DRIP THEM, 351 00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:15,006 OTHERWISE THEY WILL GO OFF, BONG. 352 00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,009 ALL RIGHT. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE? 353 00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,011 WE COULD SAY 354 00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:20,512 WE ARE MEMBERS OF A PUDDING CLUB. 355 00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:25,016 DO NOT MENTION MY NAME IN CONNECTION WITH IT. 356 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:29,021 I MUST GO ABOUT MY BOSNESS. 357 00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,523 I WILL USE THE BACK WEE. 358 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,529 RENE! OH-HHH! 359 00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:40,031 LOOK OUT, THE WIFE IS COMING. 360 00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:42,034 OH, RENE, 361 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,536 THE MOTHBALLS DID THE TRICK. 362 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:47,038 I AM FEELING QUITE CALM AGAIN. 363 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,041 RENE, THERE IS A GIRL OUTSIDE 364 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,543 WHO DEMANDS TO SEE YOU, WITHOUT DELAY. 365 00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:52,544 WHAT DOES SHE WANT? 366 00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,546 SHE SAYS IT IS A PRIVATE MATTER 367 00:16:54,546 --> 00:16:56,047 THAT ONLY CONCERNS RENE. 368 00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:58,550 RENE, WHAT IS GOING ON? 369 00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,552 I HAVE NO IDEA, EDITH. 370 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,059 I AM GLAD YOU ARE OPEN. 371 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:09,561 I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE THIS ON YOUR DOORSTEP. 372 00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:13,064 I DENY-- 373 00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:17,569 I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS GIRL BEFORE IN MY LIFE. 374 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,070 I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE. 375 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:20,572 HOW MANY ARE THERE? 376 00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,074 SIX MORE GIRLS ARE OUTSIDE. 377 00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:25,077 - Rene: SIX?! - AARGHH! 378 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,585 AND THERE IS A BUSLOAD COMING AT 7:00. 379 00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,086 AARGHH! 380 00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:37,589 I MUST PUT UP MY NOSE, MORE MOTHBALLS. 381 00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:41,093 RENE, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? 382 00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,096 THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. 383 00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:46,098 TWO EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 384 00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:52,104 CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS! 385 00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:54,106 ♪ GOD REST YE, MERRY GENTLEMEN... ♪ 386 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,108 GET OUT! 387 00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,787 I SAY, FAIRFAX, I REALLY THINK 388 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:09,788 I'M GETTING THE HANG OF THIS. 389 00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,790 THERE IS ONLY ONE PROBLEM. 390 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,292 AFTER SIX HOURS COOPED UP IN THERE, 391 00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:16,795 THE OLD LEGS WON'T STRAIGHTEN OUT. 392 00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,797 I KNOW. MINE ARE THE SAME. 393 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,799 IS EVERYTHING TICKETY-BOO, CHAPS? 394 00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,801 WELL, WE'VE MANAGED 395 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:25,804 TO UNSCREW OUR NUTS IN 12 SECONDS. 396 00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,807 THAT MEANS 10 SECONDS TO PUT ON THE PARACHUTE, 397 00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:29,808 AND PULL THE THING. 398 00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,309 GOOD SHOW! 399 00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:32,811 YOU'RE LEAVING TONIGHT. 400 00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:34,312 OH, WIZARD. 401 00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:37,316 WHERE ARE THE GERMANS ACTUALLY GONNA DROP THE LAND MINES? 402 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,817 WELL, WE CAN'T BE SURE, 403 00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,318 BUT THEY'RE BOMBING LONDON ALL THE TIME. 404 00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:43,322 IF THEY DROP YOU OVER WIMBLEDON, FAIRFAX, 405 00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:45,324 YOU COULD HAIL A CAB AND BE HOME FOR SUPPER. 406 00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,827 NOW THIS IS THE GENERAL PLAN: 407 00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:50,829 WE WILL SCREW YOU DOWN INTO THESE THINGS, 408 00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,330 AND THEN UNDER COVER OF DARKNESS, 409 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:53,832 YOU WILL BE LOADED ONTO A LORRY, 410 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,834 AND TRANSPORTED TO A WAREHOUSE. 411 00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:58,837 FROM THERE, YOU WILL BE HUNG UNDER A GERMAN BOMBER 412 00:18:58,837 --> 00:18:59,838 AND THEN OFF YOU GO. 413 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,342 WHAT HAPPENS IF THE WEATHER'S BAD, 414 00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,843 AND THEY DON'T GO FOR A FEW DAYS? 415 00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,344 OUR PEOPLE WILL POP IN FROM TIME TO TIME, 416 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:08,347 AND GIVE YOU SANDWICHES AND COFFEE. 417 00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,849 IT ALL SOUNDS A BIT HAREBRAINED. 418 00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,851 ON THE OTHER HAND, IT'LL MAKE 419 00:19:12,851 --> 00:19:14,853 A JOLLY GOOD CHAPTER IN MY BOOK. 420 00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,361 ARE THEY STILL HERE? 421 00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:24,863 I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE GONE BY NOW. 422 00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,865 THEY ARE LEAVING TONIGHT. 423 00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:28,867 MEANWHILE, YOU MUST HIDE THEM IN YOUR CELLAR. 424 00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:31,870 IT IS FULL OF YOUR EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 425 00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:33,872 WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? 426 00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:35,373 I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE, I'M AFRAID. 427 00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:37,876 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT EXPLODING CHRISTMAS PUDDINGS. 428 00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:39,377 ASK A SILLY QUESTION 429 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,380 AND YOU GET A SILLY ANSWER. 430 00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:42,881 NOW LOOK, MICHELLE, ONCE AND FOR ALL, 431 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,382 I WANT NO PART OF THIS. 432 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,885 WOULD YOU PREFER A BULLET IN YOUR BACK? 433 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:50,889 OH, VERY WELL. 434 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:51,890 COME ALONG, CHAPS. 435 00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:55,393 KEEP CALM AND DO YOUR BEST TO LOOK LIKE FRENCH PEASANTS. 436 00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:56,895 ROGER. 437 00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:07,405 OH, MY GOD. 438 00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,912 WHY ARE YOU SHIVERING, VON SMALLHAUSEN? 439 00:20:14,913 --> 00:20:17,415 THESE HABITS ARE VERY DRAFTY, HERR FLICK. 440 00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:19,918 WE SHOULD HAVE WORN LONG WINTER UNDERPANTS. 441 00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,921 THE GESTAPO HANDBOOK ON CHURCH CUSTOMS 442 00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:25,924 SAYS THAT MONKS DO NOT WEAR UNDERWEAR. 443 00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:27,425 HAVE YOU FOUND A LADDER? 444 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:28,927 NO, HERR FLICK. 445 00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:31,930 NOTHING THAT WOULD REACH THOSE LITTLE WINDOWS UP THERE. 446 00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,932 YOU INCOMPETENT MONK! 447 00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:35,934 BUT WE WILL NOT BE THWARTED. 448 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,936 LET US PUT ON OUR MAGNIFYING HATS. 449 00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,447 WAIT WHILE I ADJUST MINE 450 00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:51,450 TO MY WEAK RIGHT EYE. 451 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,955 WE WILL CLIMB THESE ROPES. 452 00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:03,962 ( bell tolls ) 453 00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:05,463 AARGHH! 454 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:06,965 - ( second bell tolls ) - AARGHH! 455 00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:10,468 ( ringing ) 456 00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:16,975 THE BELLS, THE BELLS! 457 00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:28,987 CAN YOU SEE ANYTHING? 458 00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,491 NOT FOR LONG. 459 00:21:40,999 --> 00:21:42,500 HERR FLICK! 460 00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:44,503 IS THAT YOU UP THERE 461 00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:46,004 IN THE DARKNESS OF THE BELFRY? 462 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:49,007 Flick: I AM SUSPENDED BY THE CLAPPERS. 463 00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:56,014 THE RISKS YOU TAKE FOR THE FATHERLAND. 464 00:21:57,015 --> 00:21:59,517 CLIMB OUT ONTO THE BEAM, HERR FLICK. 465 00:21:59,518 --> 00:22:02,521 THE ROPE IS ENTANGLED. 466 00:22:03,522 --> 00:22:06,024 GIVE IT A LITTLE JERK. 467 00:22:06,024 --> 00:22:07,525 ( screaming ) 468 00:22:09,528 --> 00:22:11,530 ( loud clanging ) 469 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:25,043 VON SMALLHAUSEN, ARE YOU IN THERE? 470 00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:27,045 SPEAK TO ME. 471 00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:28,546 ( clanking within ) 472 00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:33,552 ( theme music playing )