1 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:06,072 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:17,083 ( playing theme music ) 3 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,092 SOME OF YOU MAY BE ITCHING TO KNOW 4 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,594 WHY I AM SITTING AT THE PIANO. 5 00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,097 THE REASON IS SAD BUT SIMPLE. 6 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,099 AFTER AN EXCITING CHASE, 7 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,101 MONSIEUR LECLERC, OUR REGULAR PIANIST, 8 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,603 HAS JUST BEEN ARRESTED BY THE GESTAPO 9 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,105 ON SUSPICION OF CONCEALING 10 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:42,108 975,000 FORGED FRANCS 11 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,110 DOWN HIS TROUSERS. 12 00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:45,111 AT THE TIME OF HIS ARREST 13 00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:47,613 HE WAS DISGUISED AS A PILLOW STUFFER 14 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,616 WITH... 15 00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,119 WITH FEATHERS IN HIS HAT, 16 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,621 BECAUSE HE WAS DELIVERING TWO PARACHUTES 17 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,624 TO HELP THE BRITISH AIRMEN ESCAPE INSIDE 18 00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,126 TWO DUMMY LAND MINES WHICH ARE TO BE ATTACHED 19 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,628 TO A GERMAN BOMBER AND DROPPED OVER LONDON. 20 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,131 THIS SIMPLE LITTLE PLOT 21 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,633 WAS HATCHED BY BRITISH INTELLIGENCE 22 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,637 IN BETWEEN DOING CROSSWORD PUZZLES AND READING A PAPER 23 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,139 WHICH I BELIEVE TO BE CALLED "THE BEANO." 24 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,142 RENE, 25 00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:18,644 - HERE IS MY MUSIC. - AH. 26 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,146 HOW GOOD IT IS TO SEE YOU 27 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,148 AT THE PIANO ONCE MORE. 28 00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,151 DO YOU REMEMBER THE WAY YOU USED TO PLAY FOR ME WHEN WE FIRST MET? 29 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,154 I PLAYED IN ALL THE BARS IN THOSE DAYS. 30 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,656 I WAS KNOW AS SYNCOPATED SYDNEY. 31 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,160 OH, PLAY FOR ME ONCE AGAIN, RENE. 32 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:45,171 ♪ I LOVE YOU AS I'VE NEVER LOVED BEFORE ♪ 33 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,673 ( off-key ) ♪ LOVED BEFORE ♪ 34 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:51,177 ♪ SINCE FIRST I MET YOU ON THE VILLAGE GREEN ♪ 35 00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:52,678 ♪ VILLAGE GREEN ♪ 36 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:57,183 ♪ COME TO ME ERE MY DREAM OF LIFE IS O'ER ♪ 37 00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,685 ♪ LIFE IS O'ER ♪ 38 00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:05,191 ♪ I LOVE YOU AS I LOVED YOU ♪ 39 00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,693 ♪ WHEN YOU WERE SWEET ♪ 40 00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:12,198 Both: ♪ WHEN WE WERE SWEET ♪ 41 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:16,202 ♪ SIXTEEN. ♪ 42 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:19,705 OH, RENE, HOW IT ALL COMES FLOODING BACK. 43 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,709 JUST LIKE A TYPHOON. 44 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,211 DO YOU REMEMBER THE WAY I USED TO SING FOR YOU 45 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,213 UNDER THE OLD WILLOW TREE BY THE RIVER? 46 00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,714 OH, YES INDEED. 47 00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:32,719 THE TROUBLE I HAD LUGGING THIS PIANO DOWN THERE. 48 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,221 WHY DO WE NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN, RENE? 49 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,723 ( Rene plays bad notes ) 50 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,226 WHAT HAVE WE GOT TO LOSE? 51 00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,228 WELL... 52 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:45,731 ARE YOU AFRAID I MIGHT RUN OFF WITH A YOUNGER MAN? 53 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:48,234 THAT COULD BE ONE OF THE PROBLEMS, YES. 54 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,736 I WOULD NOT DO IT. 55 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,740 I AM IN THE AUTUMN OF MY LIFE. 56 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:56,242 THERE IS THE HAMMER TOE ON MY RIGHT FOOT, 57 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,243 THE BUNION ON MY LEFT, 58 00:02:57,243 --> 00:03:00,746 AND THE FIRST MURMURINGS OF SCIATICA IN MY RIGHT HIP. 59 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:03,750 YOU MIGHT STILL HOBBLE OFF WITH A YOUNGER MAN. 60 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:06,252 I PROMISE YOU, RENE, 61 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:09,755 I WILL BE BY YOUR SIDE 24 HOURS A DAY. 62 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,760 WHAT DO YOU SAY? 63 00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:16,762 EDITH, 64 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,765 EDITH, I DO NOT KNOW ONE MAN 65 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,266 WHO COULD RESIST SUCH AN OFFER, 66 00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,768 BUT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN DENISE LAROQUE, 67 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:25,271 THE LEADER OF THE COMMUNIST RESISTANCE, 68 00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:26,272 SHE IS WILD ABOUT ME. 69 00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,274 SHE WOULD KILL ANY WOMAN WHOSE LIPS 70 00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:29,775 EVEN BRUSHED AGAINST MINE. 71 00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,779 OH, RENE, YOU ARE MY WONDER MAN. 72 00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:35,782 ALWAYS YOU THINK ONLY OF ME. 73 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,785 OH, LET ME KISS THOSE MAGIC FINGERS. 74 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,287 ONE OF DENISE'S FRIENDS MIGHT SEE US THROUGH THE WINDOW. 75 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,734 I HAVE GOOD NEWS, HERR FLICK. 76 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,236 I HAVE FINALLY CAUGHT THE WANDERING PILLOW STUFFER. 77 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,738 HE IS OUTSIDE. 78 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,239 THEN BRING HIM IN. 79 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,243 BRING THE PRISONER IN HERE! 80 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,253 LEAVE US. 81 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:20,259 I SUPPOSE YOU THOUGHT BECAUSE VAN SMALLHAUSEN 82 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,262 WAS VERY SMALL AND WALKED WITH A LIMP 83 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,264 THAT YOU COULD OUTPACE HIM. 84 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,266 LITTLE DO YOU KNOW HE WAS THE CROSS-COUNTRY 85 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,768 LIMPING CHAMPION OF WESTPHALIA. 86 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,774 LISTEN TO ME, PILLOW STUFFER. 87 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,276 AN ANONYMOUS PERSON INFORMED US ON THE TELEPHONE 88 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,280 THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING OF GREAT VALUE IN YOUR TROUSERS. 89 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,294 WAS IT MADAME LENARE FROM THE DRESS SHOP? 90 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,299 WE ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH THE IDENTITY OF THE INFORMANT. 91 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,302 BERLIN, HOWEVER, IS INTERESTED IN 92 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,803 THE CONTENTS OF YOUR TROUSERS. 93 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,312 THE WHOLE OF BERLIN, OR JUST HITLER? 94 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,813 TAKE THEM OFF! 95 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,318 IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, I WOULD RATHER NOT. 96 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,819 VON SMALLHAUSEN? 97 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:20,820 YES, HERR FLICK. 98 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:24,824 REMOVE THE TROUSERS. 99 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,325 YES, HERR FLICK. 100 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,835 NOT YOU, THE PRISONER. 101 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,838 YES, HERR FLICK. 102 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,840 VERY WELL. 103 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:41,841 I WILL DO THIS 104 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,342 UNDER PROTEST. 105 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,849 WHAT DO YOU THINK, VON SMALLHAUSEN? 106 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,350 RATHER DISAPPOINTING, HERR FLICK. 107 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,854 WHERE IS IT? 108 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,362 WHERE IS WHAT? 109 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,365 THE FORGED MONEY. 110 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,368 I KNOW NOTHING OF ANY FORGED MONEY. 111 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,372 LOCK HIM UP WHILE I DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH HIM. 112 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,374 BUT IF I COULD... 113 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,881 YES, GENERAL. 114 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:23,382 OF COURSE, GENERAL. 115 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,886 IT IS INDEED TERRIBLE NEWS, GENERAL. 116 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,890 YOU MAY RELY ON ME TO ACT INSTANTLY. 117 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,396 THE RESISTANCE HAVE STOLEN TWO OF OUR LATEST LAND MINES. 118 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,399 NOT THE MARK VI? 119 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,401 THE MARK VI. 120 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,903 ( spits; cuspidor rings ) 121 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:47,907 THOSE DAMNED RESISTANCE PEOPLE ARE GETTING VERY CHEEKY. 122 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:50,910 THEY MAKE YOU LOOK THE RIGHT MONKEY, NO? 123 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,411 ( cuspidor rings ) 124 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,415 I THINK MAYBE THEY BLOW YOU UP. 125 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,917 WE MUST FIND THESE LAND MINES AT ONCE. 126 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,418 ( spits ) 127 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,425 IN CASE THEY PLAN TO BLOW UP YOUR PLACE, 128 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,428 I THINK I GO TO MY PLACE. 129 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,930 A TYPICAL WOP REACTION. 130 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:14,433 WE FACE BEING BLOWN UP 24 HOURS A DAY, 131 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,436 DON'T WE, GRUBER? 132 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,438 I PREFER NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT. 133 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,940 DO YOU SEE ME TWITCHING? 134 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,942 DO YOU SEE ME LOOKING NERVOUS? 135 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,945 NO. I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO THINK ABOUT. 136 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,448 AAAGH! 137 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,452 IT IS ALL RIGHT, COLONEL, 138 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,953 IT WAS ONLY CAPTAIN BERTORELLI. 139 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,957 SILLY SCHOOLBOY PRANK. 140 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,460 COLONEL, I HAVE SERIOUS NEWS. 141 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,962 WHAT IS IT, HELGA? 142 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,965 IN HIS QUEST FOR THE MISSING GESTAPO FORGED FRANCS, 143 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,968 HERR FLICK HAS ARRESTED THE OLD PIANO PLAYER FROM THE CAFE. 144 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,971 WHAT'S SERIOUS ABOUT THAT? HE'S ONLY A FRENCHMAN. 145 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:55,474 TWO MINUTES BEFORE HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN ME, 146 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,477 BERTORELLI, ITALIAN WAR HERO. 147 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,479 SOMEBODY, HE TELL THE GESTAPO 148 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,981 I HAVE 975,000 FRANCS 149 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,482 DOWN MY TROUSERS. 150 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,986 HERR FLICK HAS ANNOUNCED THAT IF THE MONEY IS NOT RETURNED, 151 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,488 THE PIANIST WILL BE TAKEN TO THE TOWN SQUARE AND SHOT. 152 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,990 THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. 153 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,491 THE MONEY'S AT THE CAFE. 154 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,994 RENE CAN RETURN IT ANONYMOUSLY. 155 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,495 CAPTAIN BERTORELLI, 156 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,998 WHERE PRECISELY DID YOU PUT IT? 157 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,499 ONE OF THE WAITRESSES, 158 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,001 THE ONE WITH THE LITTLE BODY 159 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,003 AND THE BIG MOUTH, 160 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,005 SHE STUFF IT INSIDE THE OVEN. 161 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:29,008 GRUBER, WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH RENE? 162 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:31,010 I THINK HE TRUSTS ME. 163 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:36,015 IT IS POSSIBLE HE KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT THE LAND MINES. 164 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,516 GO AND SEE HIM. 165 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,520 HELP HIM GET THE MONEY BACK TO THE GESTAPO. 166 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,022 WORM YOUR WAY INTO HIS CONFIDENCE. 167 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,024 HE MIGHT DROP SOMETHING. 168 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,528 WE CAN BUT HOPE. 169 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,701 MAMMA! 170 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,202 WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF BED? 171 00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:00,706 TOO LONG I HAVE BEEN UP IN THAT ROOM 172 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,709 STARVING ON WHAT YOU GIVE ME. 173 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:07,713 SO I AM COOKING MYSELF A BIG BAKED POTATO. 174 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,716 OH, MAMMA, YOU ARE A WONDER. 175 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,719 EDITH, WE HAVE CUSTOMERS. 176 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:18,224 WHAT IS THIS OLD BAT DOING DOWN HERE? 177 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:21,727 IS IT NOT WONDERFUL, RENE? HER APPETITE HAS RETURNED. 178 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,729 SHE IS GOING TO HAVE A BIG BAKED POTATO. 179 00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,230 POTATO? 180 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,732 WHERE DID SHE GET IT? 181 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,233 WHERE DID YOU GET IT FROM? 182 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,236 YOU CONCEALED IT FROM ME-- 183 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:33,239 FROM BEHIND THE CISTERN IN THE BATHROOM. 184 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,742 INSIDE THAT POTATO IS THE SPY CAMERA 185 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:39,244 FOR PHOTOGRAPHING THE GERMAN INVASION PLANS. 186 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,747 - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT? - IT IS IN THE OVEN! 187 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:44,249 THE FORGED MONEY IS IN THE OVEN! 188 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,255 MY GOD! 189 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,756 ( coughing ) 190 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,767 IS IT DONE? 191 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,772 DONE? 192 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,774 YOU HAVE JUST BURNED A SPY CAMERA 193 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,776 AND 1,000,000 FRANCS. 194 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,779 DO NOT WORRY, RENE, IT WAS FORGED MONEY. 195 00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,781 IT IS THE CAMERA I AM WORRIED ABOUT. 196 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,283 WELL, I AM NOT TO BLAME. I SHALL TELL THE RESISTANCE 197 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:21,787 THAT IT WAS THIS DEAF OLD CRONE THAT DID IT. 198 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,790 THEN I SHALL TELL THE GERMANS ABOUT THE PAINTINGS, 199 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,792 AND THE AIRMEN, 200 00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:30,295 AND THE STOLEN LAND MINES. 201 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,298 HA HA HA-- 202 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,300 I CAN FINGER YOU, BUDDY, 203 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,303 AND GET YOU SENT TO THE BIG HOUSE JUST LIKE THAT! 204 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,808 IS THERE NO END TO THE EVIL IN THIS WOMAN? 205 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,811 GET HER BACK TO HER BEDROOM AND BUNG UP HER EAR TRUMPET. 206 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,815 RENE, THAT BRITISH IDIOT WHO THINKS HE CAN SPEAK FRENCH 207 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,317 IS IN THE CAFE. HE IS ASKING FOR YOU. 208 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,320 OH MY GOD. 209 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,827 GOOD MOANING. 210 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,331 GOOD MOANING. 211 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,835 I HAVE BAD NOSE. 212 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:13,338 THIS PIECE OF POPER HAS BEEN PISTED... 213 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,844 ON THE WILLS OF THE TOWN SQUEER. 214 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,849 IT IS A PICTURE OF MONSIEUR LECLERC. 215 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:25,350 WITHOUT HIS TROUSERS! 216 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,354 UNLESS THE MONEY STOLEN FROM THE GESTAPO 217 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,857 IS RETURNED WITHIN 24 HOURS, 218 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,359 THIS MAN WILL BE SHOT IN THE TOWN SQUARE. 219 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,863 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? WE CANNOT LET THEM SHOOT THE PIANIST. 220 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,364 WE CANNOT GIVE THEM BACK THE MONEY. 221 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,867 YOUR MOTHER HAS JUST BURNT IT IN THE OVEN. 222 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,870 IT SEEMS TO MOO THAT THINGS ARE GOOING FROM BID TO WOSS. 223 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,878 COULD WE NOT FORGE SOME MORE MONEY TO GIVE TO THE GESTAPO? 224 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:56,381 HOW CAN WE? THE FORGER IS THE ONE THEY ARE GOING TO SHOOT! 225 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,883 UNDER THREAT OF DEATH, 226 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,886 HE MAY REVEAL OUR CONNECTION WITH THE RESISTANCE. 227 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,888 WE COULD ALL BE SHOT IN THE TOWN SQUARE. 228 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:05,891 AND ALL BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER WANTED A BAKED POTATO. 229 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,396 I KNOW MONSIEUR LECLERC, 230 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,897 HE IS A BRAVE MAN. 231 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,399 HE WILL HOLD OUT TO THE VERY LAST MOMENT, 232 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,403 BRAVELY HOPING THE MONEY WILL BE RETURNED. 233 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,905 AND WHEN IT IS NOT RETURNED? 234 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,908 HE WILL DROP US IN IT. 235 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,410 RENE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER, THE ONE THAT FANCIES YOU, 236 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,413 IS COMING ACROSS THE TOWN SQUARE. 237 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,914 ACT NORMALLY. 238 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,415 I'VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR WEEKS. 239 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,418 IT DOES NOT DISCOURAGE HIM. 240 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,421 I WILL GOO DOWN THE BACK PISSIGE. 241 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,426 AH, RENE. 242 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,429 AH, LIEUTENANT GRUBER, COME IN. 243 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:44,930 YOUR USUAL? 244 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,431 THANK YOU. 245 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,934 YOU LOOK PALE, AND YOUR HANDS ARE TREMBLING. 246 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,436 WELL, IT IS THE WORRY ABOUT THE WAR 247 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:52,938 AND HOPING THAT YOU WILL WIN, OF COURSE. 248 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,444 I HAVE COME TO HELP YOU GIVE THAT MONEY BACK TO THE GESTAPO 249 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,446 SO THAT YOUR PIANIST CAN BE RELEASED. 250 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,948 LIEUTENANT, THAT WILL BE A LITTLE DIFFICULT. 251 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:06,451 MY WIFE'S MOTHER HAS JUST COOKED THE MONEY FOR LUNCH. 252 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,955 OH DEAR, THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS. 253 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,958 HOWEVER, RENE, ALL IS NOT LOST. 254 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,961 YOU HAVE, I TAKE IT, HEARD THE EXPRESSION, 255 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:19,965 IF YOU SCRATCH MY BACK, THEN I WILL SCRATCH YOUR BACK? 256 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,473 IT IS NOT ONE I USE EVERY DAY, BUT YES. 257 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,477 I COULD VERY LIKELY HELP YOU 258 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,479 IF YOU COULD LET SOMETHING DROP. 259 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,983 I SEE. 260 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,987 ON THE OTHER HAND, HE WAS NOT A VERY GOOD PIANIST. 261 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,990 DO YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION AS TO THE WHEREABOUTS 262 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,491 OF THE STOLEN LAND MINES? 263 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,994 NO, LIEUTENANT, BUT SHOULD I HEAR ANYTHING 264 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,495 I WILL, OF COURSE, LET YOU KNOW AT ONCE. 265 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,997 BECAUSE IF THEY WERE RETURNED, 266 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:55,000 I AM SURE I COULD ARRANGE FOR THE RELEASE OF THE PIANIST. 267 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,501 I SEE. 268 00:13:56,502 --> 00:14:00,005 REMEMBER, RENE, MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN. 269 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,008 I AM SURE IT IS, LIEUTENANT. 270 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:10,015 BY THE WAY, I HAVE MOVED MY ROOM. 271 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:13,518 I NOW HAVE ONE WITH A MOST BEAUTIFUL VIEW. 272 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,020 IT IS AT THE VERY TOP OF THE WEST TOWER. 273 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,024 IT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO HAVE A FRIEND IN HIGH PLACES. 274 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,028 OH, RENE, WHAT A WAG. 275 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,534 YVETTE! 276 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,037 WE MUST AT ONCE MAKE CONTACT WITH MICHELLE. 277 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,539 THE ONLY WAY TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF MONSIEUR LECLERC 278 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,542 IS BY GIVING BACK THE LAND MINES. 279 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,043 SHE IS ACROSS THE TOWN SQUARE 280 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,544 IN THE YARD OF THE BUILDER, 281 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,546 WITH THE AIRMEN. 282 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,548 YOU FINISH SERVING THESE CUSTOMERS 283 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,549 AND THEN WE WILL GO TO HER. 284 00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:49,021 HELEN, ARE THE AIRMEN INSIDE? 285 00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:51,023 THEY HAVE BEEN IN THERE FOR ONE HOUR. 286 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:53,025 - ONE HOUR? - IT IS THE TIME IT WILL TAKE 287 00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,027 FOR THE GERMAN BOMBER TO GET FROM FRANCE TO ENGLAND. 288 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:57,529 THEY SHOULD BE ACCLIMATIZED BY NOW. 289 00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:59,531 I THINK THEY ARE STILL BREATHING. 290 00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:02,534 GOOD, WE WILL NOW PRACTICE THEIR RELEASE. 291 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,539 - HELLO. - HELLO. 292 00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:09,541 NOW LISTEN, CHAPS. WE'LL PRETEND YOU'RE 293 00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:12,043 SOMEWHERE OVER ENGLAND AT 5,000 FEET. 294 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:14,046 THE BOMBS WILL BE DROPPED, 295 00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:16,048 THEY'LL BE SLOWED DOWN BY A SMALL PARACHUTE, 296 00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,050 SO THAT WILL GIVE YOU ABOUT 30 SECONDS 297 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,051 TO UNSCREW YOUR NUTS, 298 00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:22,554 YOU WILL OPEN THE TOP, AND CLIMB OUT. 299 00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:24,556 NEXT, YOU SIT ASTRIDE THE BOMB, 300 00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:27,058 PULL OUT YOUR PARACHUTE, ADJUST THE WEBBING, 301 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:29,561 JUMP OFF AND PULL THE RIP CORD. IS THAT CLEAR? 302 00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:32,063 IT'S RATHER A LOT TO REMEMBER. 303 00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:34,066 IS THERE ANY CHANCE OF WRITING IT DOWN? 304 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,068 YOU COULDN'T READ IN THE DARK. 305 00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,569 GOOD THINKING. 306 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,571 RIGHT. 307 00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,072 STAND BY. 308 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,574 TO REPRESENT THE RELEASE 309 00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:44,075 WE WILL BOTH GIVE YOU A BANG 310 00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:45,577 WITH A HAMMER. 311 00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:46,578 SHUT YOUR TRAPS. 312 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:49,581 ON THE COUNT OF THREE, 313 00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:53,084 ONE, TWO, THREE. 314 00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:54,586 ( loud bang ) 315 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:57,589 Both: OHH! OW! 316 00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:02,094 I SAY, DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT? 317 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:04,096 IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH ME. 318 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:06,098 COULDN'T YOU JUST TAP WITH YOUR HAND GENTLY? 319 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,600 ALL RIGHT, CHAPS. START AGAIN. 320 00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,607 30, 321 00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:17,108 29, 322 00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:17,609 28, 323 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:19,611 27, 324 00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:20,612 26, 325 00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,113 25, 326 00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:23,115 24, 327 00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,616 23, 328 00:16:24,616 --> 00:16:25,617 22, 329 00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:27,118 21, 330 00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:28,120 20, 331 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,121 19, 332 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:30,122 - 18... - WHAT IS GOING ON? 333 00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,624 THE AIRMEN ARE PRACTICING THEIR ESCAPE. 334 00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:36,127 THEY HAVE 30 SECONDS BEFORE THEY HIT THE GROUND. 335 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:39,131 ( wrench clanks on floor ) 336 00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,632 I'VE DROPPED THE SPANNER. 337 00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,133 CAN I BORROW YOURS? 338 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:44,136 DON'T BE SILLY. 339 00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:47,139 HERE IT IS. START AGAIN. 340 00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:48,640 THANKS AWFULLY. 341 00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:52,644 ONE, TWO, THREE... 342 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:57,649 LISTEN, IF WE DO NOT GET THESE BOMBS BACK TO THE GERMANS 343 00:16:57,649 --> 00:16:59,150 THEY ARE GOING TO SHOOT THE PIANIST. 344 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,153 IMPOSSIBLE, THEY CANNOT HAVE THEM. 345 00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:03,155 I SAY! 346 00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:05,657 I'VE GOT A CROSSED THREAD ON ONE OF MY NUTS. 347 00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:08,159 HELEN, GIVE IT A BANG WITH YOUR HAMMER. 348 00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:15,667 OW! 349 00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:17,669 WHY DO YOU NOT GIVE THE GERMANS BACK THEIR MONEY? 350 00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:19,671 IT HAS BEEN COOKED WITH THE POTATO 351 00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:21,172 BY HIS WIFE'S MOTHER. 352 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,175 CAN YOU GET NOTHING RIGHT? 353 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:24,676 HURRAY! 354 00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,678 I'VE DONE IT. 355 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,682 ENGLAND, HERE I COME! 356 00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:31,683 I SAY, FAIRFAX, 357 00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,184 DON'T FORGET YOUR PARACHUTE. 358 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,187 OH, OF COURSE. SILLY ME. 359 00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,189 ( clanging ) 360 00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:40,692 I'VE DROPPED MY SPANNER AGAIN. 361 00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,696 HERE, HAVE MINE. 362 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:45,697 I'VE FINISHED WITH IT. 363 00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:47,198 THANKS. 364 00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,201 THERE IS ONLY ONE COURSE OPEN TO US. 365 00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,702 WE MUST GET ON THE RADIO 366 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,704 AND ASK BRITISH INTELLIGENCE TO HELP US. 367 00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,706 IF THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF THEIR HANDIWORK, 368 00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,207 I DO NOT THINK WE HAVE MUCH HOPE. 369 00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:59,211 WHAT DO I DO NEXT? 370 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:00,712 PULL THE RIP CORD. 371 00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:12,223 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT TOO KEEN ON THIS IDEA. 372 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:18,563 HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO! 373 00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:26,571 I HAVE HERE ORDERS FROM BERLIN 374 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:29,575 REQUIRING YOU TO PROVIDE A FIRING SQUAD TO EXECUTE 375 00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,577 THE WANDERING PILLOW STUFFER. 376 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,078 IF THE MONEY IS NOT RETURNED, 377 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,579 YOU ARE TO SHOOT HIM IN THE TOWN SQUARE 378 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,582 AT 7:00 IN THE MORNING. 379 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,584 IT IS SIGNED BY HEINRICH HIMMLER. 380 00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:40,586 I KEEP THIS. 381 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,088 ME, I COLLECT THE AUTOGRAPHS. 382 00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:45,590 THOSE ARE YOUR ORDERS, THAT IS ALL. 383 00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:46,592 HEIL HITLER. 384 00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:48,594 ( all meekly ) HEIL HITLER. 385 00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:55,100 THIS IS GOING TO MAKE US VERY UNPOPULAR. 386 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,601 ESPECIALLY YOU, GRUBER. 387 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,604 COLONEL, 388 00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,105 I DID IT LAST TIME. 389 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:02,607 I REALLY DON'T THINK IT IS MY TURN. 390 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,109 I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT. 391 00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:07,112 BERTORELLI, YOU WANTED TO BE IN THIS WAR, 392 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,114 YOUR TROOPS CAN DO THE SHOOTING. 393 00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:10,615 ME? OH NO. 394 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:11,617 ME AND MY MEN 395 00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:13,619 WE ARE ALL ITALIAN WAR HEROES. 396 00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:16,121 WE DO NOT SHOOT OLD PIANISTS, 397 00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:18,623 EVEN THE LOUSY ONES. 398 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:20,626 I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER. 399 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,127 YOU WILL DO AS I SAY, 400 00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:23,628 OR I WILL REPORT YOU TO BERLIN, 401 00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,631 HITLER WILL HEAR ABOUT IT, 402 00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:27,132 HE WILL TELL MUSSOLINI 403 00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:28,633 AND HE WILL SEND YOU TO THE DESERT 404 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,636 TO FIGHT MONTGOMERY. 405 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:33,639 HE IS THE ONE WITH TWO BADGES IN HIS HAT. 406 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:36,641 OH, NO! 407 00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:38,143 PLEASE, COLONEL. 408 00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:41,646 NOT THE ONE WITH TWO BADGES IN HIS HAT. 409 00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:43,148 I TALK TO MY MEN, 410 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,150 WE SHOOT THE PIANIST. 411 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,158 WHAT IS HAPPENING? 412 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:56,161 THERE IS NO SIGN YET OF MONSIEUR LECLERC. 413 00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,163 WHAT IS THE TIME? 414 00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,165 IT IS 10 MINUTES TO 7:00. 415 00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:01,166 OH, LOOK! 416 00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,168 THERE IS THE FIRING SQUAD. 417 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:05,670 A RIGHT, A LEFT, A RIGHT, A LEFT... 418 00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,172 KEEP UP THE STEP! 419 00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:09,674 A LEFT, A RIGHT, A LEFT, A RIGHT... 420 00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,176 MAKE THE HALT! 421 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,179 MAKE THE RIGHT TURN! 422 00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,183 MAKE THE STAND AT EASY. 423 00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:20,685 AND MOVE YOUR FEET, 424 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,187 MOVE YOUR FEET. 425 00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:24,189 GET IN LINE! 426 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:25,190 GOOD. 427 00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,194 GOOD MOANING. 428 00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:31,696 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 429 00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:34,199 THE R.A.F. WAS SUPPOSED TO DROP THAT MONEY LAST NIGHT. 430 00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:37,702 I WETTED ALL NIGHT IN THE WOODS... 431 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,706 FLUSHING MY TITCH. 432 00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:47,712 THEN WHY DID THEY NOT COME? 433 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,716 THE BUMMERS PISSED OVERHEAD, 434 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,723 BUT THE CLODS WERE VERY LOO, 435 00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:00,225 AND IT WAS A BIT FIGGY. 436 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,229 IT IS MONSIEUR LECLERC! 437 00:21:04,229 --> 00:21:05,730 OH, THE POOR MAN. 438 00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:13,238 IS NO NEED TO PUSH. 439 00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:20,746 MAKE THE ATTENTION! 440 00:21:28,253 --> 00:21:33,258 IF THE MONEY IS NOT RETURNED IN TWO MINUTES, 441 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,260 THE WANDERING PILLOW STUFFER 442 00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:36,761 WILL DIE. 443 00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:40,766 GIVE HIM THE MONEY! 444 00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:43,769 OH, ROGER, HAVE COURAGE! 445 00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:46,271 KEEP YOU CHIN UP. 446 00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:48,773 I HAVE PRAYED FOR THE MONEY. 447 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:50,776 A FAT LOT OF GOOD IT IS DOING! 448 00:21:52,778 --> 00:21:54,780 LOAD THE GUNS! 449 00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:00,285 WHAT HAPPENS IF HE CRACKS AT THE LAST MINUTE 450 00:22:00,285 --> 00:22:01,286 AND DROPS US RIGHT IN IT? 451 00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:02,787 DO NOT WORRY. 452 00:22:02,788 --> 00:22:05,791 I HAVE GUNS TRAINED ON HIM BY OUR MARKSWOMAN. 453 00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:11,296 YOU HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE 454 00:22:11,296 --> 00:22:12,797 TO TELL US WHERE YOU HAVE HIDDEN THE MONEY. 455 00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:13,799 VERY WELL, 456 00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:16,301 I WILL TELL YOU EVERYTHING. 457 00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:22,307 SHE MISSED! 458 00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:24,809 EDITH, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THAT HAND GRENADE? 459 00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:29,815 THE BUMMERS. 460 00:22:31,316 --> 00:22:33,318 CAPITANO, IS A RAID! 461 00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:34,319 WE COME BACK LATER, EH? 462 00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:35,320 YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE. 463 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,821 YOU TAKE THE AIM, OKAY? 464 00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:39,324 COME ON! 465 00:22:39,324 --> 00:22:43,828 ♪ I SEE CHILDREN OF THE MARSEILLAISE ♪ 466 00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:47,332 ♪ SHOUT FREEDOM... ♪ 467 00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:50,335 MICHELLE, RENE, 468 00:22:50,335 --> 00:22:51,336 LOOK! 469 00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:54,839 IT IS THE 1,000,000 FRANCS! 470 00:22:57,342 --> 00:22:58,843 IN THE NICK OF TOMB. 471 00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:03,848 PARDON ME INTERRUPTING, HERR FLICK, 472 00:23:03,849 --> 00:23:04,850 BUT THE MONEY IS HERE. 473 00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:09,354 FELLAHS, QUICK! GRAB THE DOUGH! 474 00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:11,356 YOU NO GRAB THE DOUGH, YOU TAKE THE AIM. 475 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,362 ( theme music playing )